Keep Sharp

0:00:19 Brennan: Hello, one and all, and welcome back to A Crown of Candy! My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan, these, as always, are our intrepid heroes, say hi, intrepid heroes!

0:00:27 All: Hi, intrepid heroes!

0:00:30 Brennan: Oh!

0:00:31 Emily: What did you say?

0:00:32 Brennan: What did, what happened?

0:00:33 Ally: Nothing. (laughs)

0:00:34 Emily: All right, look forward to seeing whatever just happened.

0:00:36 Zac: I know what happened. (laughter) It's so insane.

0:00:40 Brennan: Last we left our intrepid heroes, they were at the border of Candia on the Sucrosi Road. It has been 20 years since the end of the Ravening War between the Six Kingdoms of Calorum, and since that time, it has been 20 years of peace, governed over by the Concordant Emperor, Gustavo Uvano. Now according to the laws of the Concord, which give equal precedence to each of the Six Kingdoms, Gustavo has to choose an heir from a different kingdom, cannot choose his own biological heir, as it must come from a different nation. This is the compact that was signed at the end of the Great War between all of the various heads of state. Letter arrived that Gustavo has fallen ill, and so, King Amethar Rocks and his family, the Princesses Jet and Ruby, his advisor, the Chancellor Lapin Cadbury, his Lord Commander of his forces, a knight, Sir Theobald Gumbar, and a royal ward, being kept hostage as part of a political negotiation with the rebel House Jawbreaker, have all headed to Comida, the capital of the Concordant Empire. They were waylaid on their way by a group of marauders wielding bacon steel weapons and various meat crossbows, but when they struck them down, their blood ran cheesy. (Emily laughs)

0:02:08 Brennan: We find our intrepid heroes here at the border with their wagons, the tree being cleared from the road, it is still in the middle of the day. Theobald is over at the farmhouse off to the side of the road, talking to some of the farmers. King Amethar is still very injured and being tended to by some of his Tartguard. Liam, you're helping to take the tree off the road, and Ruby, you are seated in the wagon, you still feel smooth licorice skin where moments before, a crossbow bolt had gone through your neck. Your doublet is still soaked through with your own lifeblood. And you are probably seated in one of the carriages, looking at the house words of House Rocks, "In Sweetness There is Strength" written on the side of the carriage. And you feel something soggy and oozing blood in your doublet, or something in there that's caught a lot of blood somehow.

0:03:10 Siobhan: I reach into the doublet to see what it is.

0:03:13 Brennan: It's the Swirler Sisters flyer, it's the circus flyer. And it's been soaked through with your own blood.

0:03:21 Ruby: (disappointed) Oh, oh!

0:03:22 Siobhan: I use Prestidigitation to clean it up.

0:03:24 Brennan: (mimics whooshing) The blood vanishes, actually sorry, hold on one second.

0:03:31 Siobhan: I'm in the carriage on my own!

0:03:35 Brennan: You, even as you begin casting it, you see that Lord Cruller steps in with Lapin. Lord Cruller, with that swashbuckler dexterity, reaches out and (claps) grabs your hand, and goes,

0:03:53 Calroy: (very quietly) I understand. The door was open just a crack. Now might be the time to start practicing, Your Highness. My apologies.

0:04:04 Brennan: And he lets go of the royal hand.

0:04:08 Ruby: Practicing what?

0:04:10 Calroy: Discretion, Your Highness.

0:04:14 Ruby: But we're from Candia! We're--

0:04:20 Calroy: Yes, we're from Candia. We are from a land that is extremely permissive when it comes to magic. We had a proud princess of the Bulbian Church who was canonized and sainted, and we had another princess, her dear sister, who was given the title archmage. Now when you travel outside of Candia in diplomatic envoy, and people ask about the Archmage Lazuli Rocks, do you know what we have all been trained in the embassy of your father, the king, to say? Well, (laughs) archmage is title given as an anachronism, a bit of ancient holdover from times long gone. I think you shall find that the Archmage Lazuli was actually just a proficient alchemist, and the marvels that she worked on the battlefield were a result of discoveries that have nothing more to do with magic than a common potion maker in a shop. These things must be handled carefully, and even though everybody knows that something is one way, the art of politics is being able to smile and pretend it's another.

0:05:30 Ruby: So I just have to lie? And everybody else has to lie, even though everybody knows what the truth is?

0:05:36 Calroy: Ah, you've gotten it, yes, very good.

0:05:38 Lapin: Yes, exactly, that's exactly right. If you don't, if people knew what I did, and where I got my power, I would be dead.

0:05:51 Ruby: And the life that you're living now is… Sorry, that's rude.

0:05:55 Lapin: It's not worth it to die for this.

0:05:59 Theobald: Those people who shot you on—

0:06:03 Brennan: Theobald walks into the carriage from the—

0:06:05 Murph: Sorry, I thought I was with these guys.

0:06:06 Brennan: Yeah, you've finished talking to the farmers, the farmers are the one, so you just had your revelation about like, you don't see any steeds, there's no meeps, or horses, or Dairy steeds, or anything like that around that you would've, so you're, you've just sort of gotten that little question mark on the end of this mystery with marauders, but you walk in and catch this conversation in the carriage.

0:06:25 Theobald: Yes. It's likely that whoever did this, that this was obviously some kind of coordinated attack. Probably because of the way Candia is.

0:06:39 Ruby: That's--

0:06:40 Lapin: Can we gather all the children around?

0:06:41 Theobald: Yes, let's get--

0:06:42 Emily: I actually wanted to have a conversation with Liam.

0:06:46 Brennan: You walk over to Liam outside, you see the Tartguard are taking the, they're looking around, it's a fuckin' miracle that, I mean, truly, I wish you guys had been behind the screen, because statistically, that's an impossibility that none of them would've died. But the Tartguard are all being carried off into the wagons, and there's sort of, I mean, something really scary happened, but the fact that there wasn't a casualty has kind of given you guys a feeling, I mean, the Tartguard all got to watch their royalty do a bunch of badass magic and fucking fend off 12 marauders in the middle of the road, after an ambush, and no, and everyone has survived to tell the tale. Also, the imperial guard are now here helping out. You walk over, you see, as you're chopping the tree up, go ahead and give me a nature check, Liam.

0:07:31 Ally: Sure, yeah. 10.

0:07:36 Brennan: You chop something up, and you see that there's a little crook in the tree that opens up, and a couple of little swirly, they're like mint acorns, but they were concealed in the trunk of the tree and kind of roll out and sparkle on the ground.

0:07:52 Ally: Ooh, can I take them?

0:07:53 Brennan: You see that Peppermint Preston looks over and goes, (mimics squeals, snorts).

0:07:58 Ally: Does he want to eat it? I'll feed 'em to Preston.

0:08:01 Preston: (gobbling, snorting) (belches) (Emily laughs)

0:08:06 Liam: Good boy!

0:08:07 Ally: Can I look for more, are there more of them?

0:08:09 Brennan: These are pretty rare, you haven't seen a seed like this, this is like a seed that's been matured in the heart of the tree. You see Preston begins to run down the road, and you see he goes, (mimics squeals) (mimics blasting) and a blast of peppermint smoke just comes out of, kind of his ass, and he-- (laughter) He just, it doesn't, it's not like, it's not that constant, it kind of just comes out of his backside, but it probably also comes mostly out of his ass. And he rockets up, suddenly, like greatly increasing in speed, and goes, like, (mimics blast) and then goes, (mimics exploding firework reports) and falls and lands on the roof of the farmhouse.

0:08:47 Ally: Uh, I guess I--

0:08:49 Brennan: Jet, you're walking over to Liam and see this as well.

0:08:51 Jet: Oh. You are busy, go, tend to your, to your magnificent creature. I'll get, I'll catch you later.

0:08:58 Liam: What?

0:09:00 Jet: I was just gonna try and have a little private conversation with you, but now is not the time, your pig is on a roof.

0:09:05 Liam: No, come with me! He'll walk over. Preston!

0:09:07 Preston: (squeals)

0:09:09 Liam: Get down!

0:09:10 Brennan: He looks scared, he doesn't know how to get down. (Emily laughs)

0:09:13 Liam: What just happened? Okay, well, will you help me get him down?

0:09:16 Jet: Yeah, absolutely.

0:09:17 Emily: I'll climb and go get the pig.

0:09:19 Brennan: Cool, if you want to give me an Animal Handling check, and you want to give me an Acrobatics check to get up there.

0:09:25 Ally: Oh, 21.

0:09:26 Brennan: 21, cool.

0:09:26 Murph: Nice.

0:09:27 Emily: 23.

0:09:28 Brennan: Cool. You get up and successfully, you're able to talk, calm Preston down.

0:09:31 Emily: Can I fireman carry Preston down?

0:09:33 Brennan: Yeah! He's very small, but you kind of wrap him a little bit around your—

0:09:36 Ally: He's like an airplane pillow. (Brennan laughs)

0:09:38 Emily: Can I airplane pillow him down?

0:09:40 Brennan: Yeah, he's tingly to the touch, and you feel, he kind of feels cool to the touch, and then he sort of wiggles around a little bit, it seems like he's got a lot more energy.

0:09:48 Ally: Can I find out what this is, can I roll to see--

0:09:49 Brennan: Yeah! Give me a Nature check.

0:09:51 Ally: All right, yeah.

0:09:52 Brennan: We'll call it DC 20.

0:09:53 Ally: Oh yeah, 24. Or 23.

0:09:55 Brennan: You remember some lore about these, what are called heart seeds, which are basically like, when a tree has a little bit of magic in it, either, it's like sometimes passing druids and rangers will animate a tree to fight for them, or they'll speak to a tree to see if some shit happened, or do some little, you know, magical thing like teleport through it, or something, there's a bunch of spells that people can do that use a tree. When they do it with a peppermint tree, what ends up happening is, that magic leaves a little bit of residue, and it begins to form, takes acorns and seeds of the thing, that captures some of that residue magic, and the tree holds on to them, as a way of, they're almost like tiny little wishes or something, but they're not something that you could take and name a wish on, they don't work verbally, they're just little things that make something you want to come true magically come true. They're extremely rare.

0:10:49 Ally: Cool.

0:10:50 Brennan: And it seems like Preston wanted to be able to fly.

0:10:52 Ally: Cool! That's a really cute wish for Preston. Are there any more of 'em?

0:10:55 Emily: Yeah, I'd love--

0:10:56 Brennan: He ate all three of them, and it seems like that might've been what it took to get, they're not very powerful wishes. They're like, call 'em like an eighth, he's got three eighths of a wish in him right—

0:11:06 Liam: Preston wants to fly. I need to make that happen a little bit more often.

0:11:08 Jet: But maybe he does now.

0:11:10 Liam: When it's time to travel, I’ll hold him out the window. (Emily laughs)

0:11:14 Brennan: Game statistics wise, oh, by the way, we should also say, as normal in Dimension 20, our characters have all leveled up, but Ruby, Jet, and Liam all actually leveled up twice, so they're, so Liam has joined the rest of the party at fourth level.

0:11:27 Ally: Yeah!

0:11:27 Brennan: And our princesses are now at third level. Preston now has a fly speed of 40.

0:11:33 Ally: Cool.

0:11:34 Brennan: But has to end his turn on solid ground, so his flight usually gives out after a second or two.

0:11:40 Ally: That makes sense.

0:11:40 Brennan: Yeah.

0:11:41 Ally: That's cute.

0:11:43 Emily: Aw, he's like a little jet!

0:11:44 Ally: Yeah!

0:11:45 Liam: Hey, so what's up?

0:11:46 Jet: Oh! (clears throat) Okay, well. (clears throat) I've just been trying to think about how to do this, but I need your help.

0:11:53 Liam: Okay.

0:11:54 Jet: Okay, but I know that me coming to you as, you know, the heir to the throne, and you're sort of in an uncomfortable, I mean, I think we can both agree that your wardship is, no one feels good about it, right?

0:12:06 Liam: No, yeah. I feel very uncomfortable all the time.

0:12:08 Jet: Yeah, I know. And I want you to know that I'm asking for your help because, not in any, ignore status, okay? 'Cause I don't think you should be imprisoned, so just put that, I'm asking for your help, and you're free to say no, is what I'm trying to say here.

0:12:21 Liam: Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, what's up?

0:12:23 Jet: Okay. I would like to ask for your help to watch over Ruby, because I think that, think that I can protect her with my sword, and I know that my dad can protect her with his rage, and I know that everyone else can protect her, but I think we need someone who has your eyes and ears.

0:12:47 Liam: Okay, yeah! I mean, Preston can set a few alarms on her, and we know if she moves, or--

0:12:52 Jet: Yeah, or just like, I don't know, at night, maybe.

0:12:55 Liam: Yeah, we can set a bunch of alarms. Preston's really good at that, he's a watch pig. (sound of oinking)

0:12:59 Jet: Okay. Wow--

0:13:01 Liam: He's a lot of different kinds of pigs.

0:13:02 Jet: A lot better than I thought, I was ready to, I mean, just so you know, I was going to offer myself in debt to you.

0:13:07 Liam: I mean, I have one friend. He can't talk. He's a pig. (All laughing)

0:13:14 Liam: I'm kind of like in the position to offer my services.

0:13:18 Jet: Okay.

0:13:18 Liam: So really don't worry about it.

0:13:20 Jet: Well, I am in your debt.

0:13:22 Liam: Yeah, you're in my debt now.

0:13:23 Jet: Cool, cool.

0:13:24 Liam: You owe me, man, if you could find a really cool seed on there, I think I just found the coolest seed ever, and Preston ate it, so I can't press it in my book, but—

0:13:34 Emily: I drop to my knee and I say, (trumpet salute)

0:13:36 Jet: My lord, I will find you the greatest seed. But first, I'm gonna go look for a cool Carnish sword.

0:13:43 Liam: Okay, cool!

0:13:44 Jet: Okay.

0:13:44 Liam: Yeah.

0:13:45 Jet: Or not sword, shield. Okay. Thank you.

0:13:48 Liam: You're looking for a shield?

0:13:49 Jet: Yeah.

0:13:49 Liam: Oh, cool.

0:13:50 Jet: But anyways. So, thank you for that.

0:13:53 Liam: Yeah, yeah, it was fun.

0:13:54 Jet: But don't tell Ruby, I don't want her to feel like, you know.

0:13:58 Liam: Yeah, Preston's really discreet.

0:13:59 Jet: Okay. Yeah, he's pretty discreet. (laughs)

0:14:04 Liam: Just flew up on the roof. (Emily laughs) But usually he's very discreet! Isn't that right, Preston?

0:14:11 Preston: (squeals)

0:14:12 Liam: Did you have any dreams last night, Preston?

0:14:14 Preston: (oinks) Mm-hmm!

0:14:16 Liam: I did too. I had one where— (Ally laughs)

0:14:24 Brennan: Wounded King Amethar, where is he at? You obviously, you know, Constano Grissini, the commander, is standing with you to make sure that you are healed, and while your Tartguard are surrounding you, you see he looks at you and says,

0:14:38 Grissini: (Italian accent) Your Majesty, I am only too grateful that your men will all survive. If they had not, I would have forsworn my oath and resigned, laid down my spear and shield.

0:14:56 Amethar: I mean, we are perfectly, you know, we can handle ourselves, but—

0:15:01 Grissini: Clearly you can. I see by many of the bodies of these marauders around here that you unleashed Payment Day.

0:15:11 Amethar: (laughs) I mean, you know. I tell you, Theobald and Lapin are awful to have to spend time with when there's no fighting to be done, but I'll tell you. (Emily laughs)

0:15:24 Amethar: It's nice to see Theobald acting like his old self. God, even Cruller was in the mix. It felt good, honestly. Felt really, really good. So honestly, thank you for showing up late.

0:15:43 Brennan: (laughs) You see he sort of looks heartbroken and goes,

0:15:46 Grissini: Ah, I suppose I will have to accept that praise, Your Majesty. If you wish to rest, we can find accommodation on the road through Fructera, there are imperial gatehouses and garrisons that we can stay at, but if you wish to simply make as much headway as we can to Comida, we can travel through the night, we will have lanterns, and there are more guards, and your advance guard as well, down the road.

0:16:09 Amethar: We should make haste. There's no point, I'm the only one hurting enough to sit around, and I have no interest in sitting.

0:16:20 Brennan: He nods to you and says,

0:16:22 Grissini: Very well. His Majesty has spoken. Imperial guard, get ready. We are going to head out.

0:16:28 Brennan: You see they finish moving the tree out of the way, they saddle up the meeps. These guys, you know, your Tartguard are boarded on top of the wagons.

0:16:37 Jet: Perhaps I should ride with the imperial soldiers, father?

0:16:41 Zac: I would like to, are we leaving now? No?

0:16:45 Brennan: Unless there's any business you guys have here at the farmhouse, you see the family has been freed, you guys, you do find a Carnish shield, there is a nasty--

0:16:55 Emily: What does it look like?

0:16:56 Brennan: It looks like, you know, when you're making a steak, but and you're making it in a cast iron pan, and some of the edge of the steak comes off, but it blackens so fast that you can't see it against the cast iron pan, and then the next day you're like, what the hell is that? Ugh, and it's like a chunk of just blackened, oily meat. That.

0:17:16 Jet: I shall call it Burnt Ends. (All laugh)

0:17:20 Theobald: Chancellor, did you want to talk to—

0:17:24 Lapin: Yes, I would like to talk to—

0:17:26 Theobald: Soldiers who were suspicious?

0:17:28 Lapin: I, (sighs) I would. I don't know… It feels like, what's done is done a little bit there, but I can try to chat with them.

0:17:39 Murph: What is, I'm so sorry, what is the cake dude's name again?

0:17:43 Brennan: Oh, Lord Cruller.

0:17:45 Theobald: Lord Cruller, do you have an opinion on, is there anything that can be done?

0:17:48 Calroy: I mean, I think, look. This is, I think we can all agree, let's get in the carriage, 'cause they want us to go right now. And anything that we're going to do doesn't have to happen—

0:17:57 Liam: You guys, I found a seed, I gave it to my pig, and he could fly! It was so cool!

0:18:03 Jet: It was really cool, he got stuck on the roof!

0:18:05 Lapin: Shut up! (laughter)

0:18:09 Jet: Don't talk to my sister like that! I'm going to ride with the imperial force!

0:18:13 Theobald: Let's get in the carriage.

0:18:14 Emily: I sing in twin speak to Ruby,

0:18:17 Jet: ♪ I'm going to keep an eye on them. ♪ Ruby nods back.

0:18:21 Brennan: (laughs) You see that, so you guys have to kind of pack up because five of the Tartguard are injured and are in one of the wagons now. So Lord Cruller gets, is now in there with you. Poncival has moved to another wagon, so this wagon is Lapin, King Amethar, Ruby, (to Jet) if you're outside with the guards, that's okay. Theobald, Liam, in you're in here as well, and Lord Cruller and his wife, the Lady Donetta are both in here.

0:18:50 Lou: Lord Cruller and his wife?

0:18:51 Brennan: His wife, the Lady Donetta's here, she was in the third carriage. She looks pretty rattled, but she's got a giant donut head, it's like a swirled kind of like a cruller head. You see that your, your sort of servants and stuff are a little bit scared to keep walking on the road. You see that Limon goes,

0:19:08 Limon: (tortured British accent) Well, I can't believe we survived that, I thought we were all dead for sure (laughs awkwardly).

0:19:13 Theobald: All thanks to you, Limon.

0:19:14 Limon: Really?

0:19:15 Theobald: Yeah.

0:19:16 Amethar: Honestly, Limon, people jumping on your head was important.

0:19:19 Limon: Well--

0:19:20 Theobald: Honestly, a part of it.

0:19:21 Limon: I always knew it was good for people to step all over me!

0:19:25 Amethar: Hey Limon, before we go, will you go chase Master Dippins out of that tree?

0:19:31 Limon: All right, Master Dippins, we've gotta go!

0:19:33 Brennan: And you see that he puts his halberd up and shakes it in the tree. And you see that Master Dippins falls out with just peppermint apples, his pockets full of them, and he goes,

0:19:42 Dippins: (gruff British accent) All right, well, I was staying up there to make sure that everything was all right. Sometimes people come back to the scene of the crime.

0:19:49 Amethar: Oh.

0:19:50 Lapin: All those people we killed.

0:19:51 Dippins: Yep.

0:19:52 Lapin: Would come back to the scene of the—

0:19:53 Dippins: Back from the dead!

0:19:54 Brennan: And he does a backwards somersault, and goes into one of the carriages. (All laugh)

0:19:58 Ally: To leave a weird thing that you've said in a backwards somersault is amazing.

0:20:03 Emily: I take note.

0:20:05 Siobhan: It was cool.

0:20:06 Ally: (mimics British accent) Back from the dead. (laughs)

0:20:09 Brennan: You guys head out, so Jet, you go to walk outside. You see, the Tartguard all kind of look—

0:20:15 Theobald: Yeah, Princess Jet, um— (gestures for her to get back inside)

0:20:18 Jet: I had a moment with someone on the battlefield, and I thought maybe we might like to walk next to each other. Hi, Lord Criscolioni.

0:20:26 Criscolioni: (Italian accent) What, oh. Your Highness, I am not a lord of any sort, I am a lowborn—

0:20:31 Jet: Well, you fight like a lord.

0:20:33 Theobald: He's not though! So Princess Jet, if you would.

0:20:37 Lapin: Excuse me, Princess Jet, I would—

0:20:39 Theobald: Yes!

0:20:40 Lapin: Your Highness, please, join us for, we're—

0:20:42 Theobald: King Amethar, if she comes, it's because I yelled for her first, just to be clear.

0:20:46 Liam: Hey Theo, I'm here. (Emily laughs) Don't worry, I came right away.

0:20:51 Brennan: You see Constano looks up at you and says,

0:20:57 Constano: (Italian accent) Just for the time being, I shall walk on the road. Perhaps when the sun gets a little lower in the sky, I will take the reins of these Candian meep here, if you wish to talk battle strategy and the heroics of the princesses of Candia, which are, of course, legendary.

0:21:12 Jet: Yeah, well, after today, I agree, yes, you're right. You know what? I'll brush the meep (laughs) until you're ready.

0:21:16 Lapin: Please join us.

0:21:21 Theobald: I'm gonna have to insist—

0:21:23 Siobhan: I say in twinspeak,

0:21:24 Ruby: They're gonna keep doing this, until you come in here, please. I'm a prisoner for some reason!

0:21:30 Amethar: What are you singing?

0:21:31 Ruby: Nothing.

0:21:32 Jet: My sister calls, and so I'll see you later, when we can, you know, rein the meep together. As it were.

0:21:41 Lapin: God. (All laugh)

0:21:45 Siobhan: What happened to the avocado? Forgotten so soon!

0:21:47 Emily: I come in and I'm like,

0:21:48 Jet: Ruby, I was trying to fucking spy on them so that I can make sure that they're not mad at you!

0:21:53 Lapin: Can we have a conversation that is very frank right now?

0:21:55 Jet: Do I also think he's hot? Is there something swelteringly sexy about the fact that I'm trying to spy on someone who’s attractive? Yes!

0:22:00 Theobald: Everyone needs to learn a little self preservation, here.

0:22:05 Lapin: Well put.

0:22:06 Amethar: Wait, what the fuck? Did you just agree?

0:22:06 Ruby: That's your, we don't need self preservation.

0:22:09 Ally: I think I lean over, and I'm like,

0:22:12 Liam: (whispering to Jet) do you speak Ceresian?

0:22:17 Jet: (whispering) No, but I can pretend to.

0:22:18 Liam: (whispering) Okay, well, I actually do, if you need my help.

0:22:21 Jet: (whispering) Oh!

0:22:22 Theobald: Liam-- That is smart.

0:22:24 Liam: (whispering) Did you have any dreams last night?

0:22:27 Lapin: (incredulously) Last night? Before the battle?

0:22:27 Jet: I did have a dream, but I had—

0:22:29 Theobald: Liam, you had a really good idea, and then you followed up, just the first idea was great!

0:22:33 Liam: I don't get to have, you know, that's all business. I just like to have a pleasure conversation.

0:22:38 Jet: So I've never been with an avocado before, but in my dreams--

0:22:41 Calroy: (cutting Jet off) All right.

0:22:42 Theobald: Yes, Liam, fantastic idea. If you were to ride outside and listen in on them, that would be fantastic. They wouldn't even, they wouldn't expect you to be able to speak Ceresian at all.

0:22:51 Liam: Ah yeah, maybe after we have a conversation about what dreams we all had.

0:22:55 Lapin: (pressing his fingers into his eyes) I—

0:22:56 Liam: Did you have any dreams, Lapin?

0:22:57 Lapin: We're all going to die. Unless you listen to me right now.

0:23:00 Liam: A heavy dream.

0:23:02 Brennan: Lord Cruller goes over and says,

0:23:03 Calroy: I think it might be an overstatement that we are all going to die. Let's talk about--

0:23:08 Lapin: I think we are all going to die if we don't--

0:23:11 Calroy: Lapin, as a friend, that is a condition you may be experiencing as true, but it might say more about you than the situation.

0:23:20 Lapin: I think--

0:23:21 Jet: Oh shit, you got put in your place by a cake.

0:23:23 Lapin: I, okay.

0:23:25 Ruby: They're not gonna kill me, I'm a princess.

0:23:28 Calroy: Well, that is true that they--

0:23:29 Theobald: They shot you with an arrow!

0:23:31 Jet: I put my body on top of your lifeless body, your mortality has never been more real to me, okay? I am going to go out there and possibly flirt with a handsome enemy--

0:23:42 Ruby: Why are you siding with them?

0:23:42 Jet: To save you.

0:23:43 Theobald: Princess Jet, they would have killed you too, if you were outside of the wagon.

0:23:47 Liam: My dream had a big tree. Now we’re talking—

0:23:49 Lapin: Could I just say one to two specific things before we move on? (Emily laughs)

0:23:56 Calroy: I think the children are addled by their exploits in battle, and I think that's all right. What we need to discuss, we have two issues at hand. Number one, we were just attacked in an obvious, I will say it, that was not bandits, that was an assassination attempt on your father, the king. (Amethar sighs)

0:24:16 Calroy: What I will say as well is this. Your Highness, you will not be killed for casting a spell, all of the people who saw the spell are lowborn soldiers. Their word against the word of Candian nobility, they will not threaten the Concord for the word of some lowborn soldiers. Death is not on the line. But there are other terrible things that can happen to you, short of death. Would you consider it a life worth living if, say, the story comes from these low born soldiers that perhaps, one of the princesses of Candia was dabbling in witchcraft, things not of the Bulb, and Her Holiness, the Hierophant Rex of the Bulbian Church were to take an interest in this matter, and decide that it would be best if the younger non-heir princess of Candia were to be compelled to serve in a monastery, and--

0:25:12 Jet: Oh, guess what the heir princess would do if they did that?

0:25:17 Calroy: Leave the Concord?

0:25:18 Jet: Fuck yeah.

0:25:21 Lapin: (rubbing the bridge of his nose) We're all going to die.

0:25:21 Jet: (flipping two middle fingers) Fuck the Bulb!

0:25:22 Ruby: Why are we letting them tell us what to do?

0:25:23 Lou: I slam Payment Day into the carriage.

0:25:28 Amethar: Nobody likes where we are! Which means, we need to be together. The space we are in is not of our choosing. The people we are with is. Stop fighting! Start listening!

0:25:51 Lou: Then I pass out. (All laugh)

0:25:54 Brennan: You just fuckin' sleep! You see that immediately, the Lady Donetta looks over and goes,

0:26:00 Lady Donetta: I shall tend to His Majesty.

0:26:02 Brennan: And begins to tend to His Majesty's wounds. You see that Lord Cruller looks bashful, in the wake of what the king has said. He looks up at the two of you and says,

0:26:18 Calroy: You have lived both of your lives as some of the most prodigious, brilliant, remarkable young women that the world of Calorum has ever seen. And you have been surrounded on all sides by people who love and cherish you, and your father. Your mother as well. I tell this to you now, before you were born, the world was not as gentle as it is now. And it can become ungentle again, if we are less than prudent.

0:26:53 Ruby: I just don't understand why this thing that I can do, that helps other people, is so bad. I mean, if--

0:27:06 Theobald: It's not—

0:27:06 Lapin: It's not bad.

0:27:07 Ruby: If the Bulb created us, he also gave me these powers, right?

0:27:13 Lapin: It's not from the Bulb.

0:27:16 Zac: Right?

0:27:17 Brennan: That's correct.

0:27:18 Jet: You know, the Carnish people are polytheistic, perhaps, I'm saying there are, is more than one power, other than the Bulb.

0:27:27 Calroy: We're not talking about theology, Your Highnesses, we're talking about politics. At now, the, if you travel to the city of Carn, as I have, and you see the realm that has been built there by the meatlanders, great statues to the beasts of the Meat Lands, the great cow, the great hen, the great boar. These spirits exist there. However, the Warlord of the Beef Clans, Basha Myaso, who's coming to Comida for the Grand Tournament, he has sworn on the Book of Leaves that he is a Bulbian. The reason he has done that is because no Oath of the Concord can be considered binding if that person is not Bulbian. Now, is Basha Myaso actually a devout Bulbian? I sincerely doubt it, but as we've covered before, sometimes everybody has to say a thing, even though we all know it's not true.

0:28:27 Jet: With all due respect, I understand that that is the reality of politics now, but since we are about to be the future of politics, I think it is important that we sometimes question when the reality of politics could be better.

0:28:40 Calroy: Wiser words never spoken. And—

0:28:44 Jet: With that being said, I'll shut the heck up.

0:28:48 Calroy: I think that asking these questions once you have secured power is a wonderful time to ask these questions. (sighs)

0:28:58 Ruby: So I'm just in trouble.

0:29:00 Calroy: Well, we don't know, but let's talk about what our options are.

0:29:04 Liam: Preston's butt got freezer burn. (laughter) Liam shows off Preston’s butt.

0:29:11 Jet: (quietly) Ruby, do you know anything for freezer burn?

0:29:14 Ruby: I'm not allowed to!

0:29:15 Jet: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! I just wanted to, I'm just curious!

0:29:17 Lapin: I would ask, just to be clear that we had a bit of a conversation before all of this started, and I think I proved to you my motivations. So I would ask that we not talk about that as well.

0:29:33 Jet: I gave you my word on battle.

0:29:35 Liam: Sorry I broke your teacup.

0:29:38 Lapin: I don't know what you're talking about. (Emily laughs)

0:29:41 Lapin: I've never had a teacup.

0:29:41 Liam: Well, I know, I just wanted to say that really quick--

0:29:43 Zac: I throw just a piece of cheese--

0:29:46 Ally: Can I see if he hates me? (laughter) I feel like he hates me.

0:29:50 Brennan: Give me an insight check!

0:29:52 Ally: 4.

0:29:54 Brennan: He hates you. (laughter) You see Cruller looks over at this thing that is like, happened in front of him that he doesn't know about and says,

0:30:02 Calroy: Did I miss something when I was in the other carriage?

0:30:05 Lapin: They're making things up. (Zac laughs)

0:30:08 Jet: Why would you, I wasn't even going to tell your secrets, and you threw me under the cart!

0:30:13 Brennan: Go ahead and give me a deception check real quick.

0:30:19 Zac: 14.

0:30:20 Brennan: Okay. You see that Lord Cruller looks over and says,

0:30:26 Calroy: All right, none of my business.

0:30:27 Brennan: What is Theo thinking, 'cause Theo was in the wagon when the stuff about the Sugar Plum Fairy occurred.

0:30:32 Murph: Theo's just kind of trying to keep his mouth shut, is there any, there's, are we moving yet?

0:30:37 Brennan: You are moving in the carriages, there's noise--

0:30:39 Murph: We are moving in the carriages.

0:30:40 Brennan: People can't hear you outside.

0:30:41 Murph: As everybody's kind of fighting with each other, going back and forth, I think I would like to take, go up to Ruby and be like,

0:30:53 Theobald: Ruby, perhaps you'd like some fresh air, and this time I'll make sure no one gets shot through the neck.

0:31:00 Ruby: Yes, I would rather not sit in this stupid carriage any longer.

0:31:03 Theobald: Jet, if you'd like to come too?

0:31:06 Jet: Oh yeah!

0:31:06 Liam: I'd love to come.

0:31:07 Jet: Yeah, can I bring Liam?

0:31:08 Ruby: Yeah, can Liam come?

0:31:10 Jet: Liam didn't finish telling me how big the tree in his dream was, and I feel like that was a bit of a cliffhanger.

0:31:14 Liam: (excited) It was like four arms' worth.

0:31:17 Zac: Can I make an Insight check to see if I think Liam thinks that I hate him?

0:31:20 Brennan: Yeah, go for it. (laughter)

0:31:23 Zac: 9.

0:31:26 Brennan: Liam thinks that you love him. (Zac nodding approvingly) You think this kid thinks that you're obsessed with him. (Emily laughs)

0:31:33 Lapin: Maybe I should talk to my buddy over here. (Emily laughs)

0:31:41 Liam: (speaking quietly) I would rather go with you guys.

0:31:43 Jet: I actually--

0:31:44 Theobald: It sounds pretty important.

0:31:45 Ruby: Liam's coming with us!

0:31:47 Jet: Ruby has declared, and right now, we all need to worry about Ruby's safety, that's what we're all agreeing about, okay?

0:31:53 Brennan: So, you guys continue away from the farm, down the Sucrosi Road. You step out and start walking alongside them. The imperial guard kind of nods to you, it's getting later in the day, but you're entering more populated areas, and it's a little bit less scary, you see more imperial guards showing, you meet up with your advance guard, and also now it's the 30 of your guards, minus the five that were wounded, plus another 40 imperial guards, so it's gone from being like, oh, we're a little stretched out, to being like, we're on this main highway, and speaking of main highway, you leave the borders of Candia for the first time. And you join the Glucian Road in Fructera!

0:32:34 Emily: (whispers) Wow!

0:32:35 Brennan: Which is ver—

0:32:36 Siobhan: Oh, it's changing. (Lights change from pink and purple to green and orange)

0:32:37 Everyone: Ooh!

0:32:40 Ally: Sick!

0:32:41 Brennan: As you travel to Fructera, you see there's orchards of fruit around here, beautiful rolling melon hills, everything here smells like sweet, but in kind of a different way than Candia. Candia smells maybe sweeter than here, but Candia is crisp and bright and magical and strange, this is like a deep, earthy sweetness, (sudden smooth accent) there's something sensual about this place.

0:33:06 Jet: (sniffs the air) I knew this is where I'd meet my love. (Brennan laughs)

0:33:10 Theobald: Something so wrong about this sweetness that's healthy.

0:33:12 Brennan: (laughter) Yeah, Theobald, you take the princess and Liam off to the side of the road, and you guys are walking through these beautiful fruit orchards along the caravan.

0:33:23 Murph: All right. As we're within earshot of everyone, I'm like,

0:33:27 Theobald: All right, let's talk about the way we travel. We're not gonna be doing flip flippity flips on top of the, okay-- (hushed tone) under no circumstances are you to stop studying magic.

0:33:33 Ruby: (shocked) To stop?

0:33:38 Jet: (enthusiastic) Thank you for saying that!

0:33:40 Theobald: We need to keep it quiet! Liam, I wasn't expecting you to be sort of in on this, but you seem like a solid dude.

0:33:47 Liam: It's an honor to be included.

0:33:48 Theobald: So, you're in this.

0:33:49 Jet: It's an honor to have you here.

0:33:50 Theobald: And you are, you're a ward of the Rocks family.

0:33:53 Liam: I don't understand how your family all likes each other, I've never experienced this. My brothers hate me!

0:33:58 Ruby: That's sad.

0:34:00 Liam: Yeah, all of 'em.

0:34:01 Theobald: Your brothers are kind of turds.

0:34:03 Liam: (very sincerely) Thank you for saying that.

0:34:04 Theobald: Yes! (Emily laughs)

0:34:06 Liam: Wow.

0:34:07 Theobald: But I was once a ward too, I was a ward--

0:34:09 Ruby: What?

0:34:09 Ally: Really?

0:34:10 Theobald: For your Aunt Lazuli.

0:34:12 Ruby: Why are you cool now?

0:34:13 Liam: I knew I liked you.

0:34:14 Theobald: (defiantly) I've always been cool! All of us are cool!

0:34:16 Liam: You're my favorite person.

0:34:18 Theobald: Thank you! You're, you're so solid Liam!

0:34:20 Liam: I want you to have this.

0:34:22 Ally: And I hand you three seeds.

0:34:23 Liam: I think they're candy canes.

0:34:26 Emily: Can I actually take a little food and try and entice Sprinkle to come hang out with me? Alongside me?

0:34:31 Brennan: Give me a Persuasion check. Or no, give me Animal Handling, sorry.

0:34:33 Emily: Animal Handling? (laughs)

0:34:34 Brennan: Oh no, persuasion, it's a familiar.

0:34:36 Emily: Persuasion, okay. 14.

0:34:40 Sprinkle: (high-pitched babbling)

0:34:42 Jet: Yes, noble creature, be mine.

0:34:43 Brennan: Sort of inchworms up your leg and up your torso. Takes some of the fruit. You see that Sprinkle is a full, solid sprinkle. No mouth, eyes, or organs of any visible sort, and the noise that Sprinkle makes appears to come from maybe a hollow chamber inside of Sprinkle?

0:35:02 Ally: (laughs) That's so scary! (Brennan laughs)

0:35:05 Jet: Truly a terrifying beast.

0:35:06 Ally: He's bugged?

0:35:07 Brennan: (laughter) You see that—

0:35:09 Zac: Is he a Bluetooth speaker? (All laugh)

0:35:12 Theobald: I'm not great at magic, okay? This is what I can do.

0:35:15 Sprinkle: (high-pitched babbling)

0:35:16 Brennan: You see Sprinkle's just mashing the long end of its head--

0:35:20 Jet: Look at him, no mercy, no room for mercy!

0:35:23 Brennan: You see Sprinkle reverses, and appears to be able to switch which end is his head or butt. (Emily laughs)

0:35:29 Theobald: We're working on that.

0:35:30 Jet: Flexible in battle.

0:35:32 Theobald: We're working on head-butt knowledge. But I learned how to animate Sprinkle from your Aunt Lazuli.

0:35:39 Ruby: Lazuli?

0:35:40 Theobald: Yes. Listen.

0:35:42 Ruby: I saw her!

0:35:43 Theobald: I overheard you saying something about that.

0:35:45 Ruby: When I died! I think.

0:35:48 Theobald: Okay. I'm going to drop some crazy things on you that I thought maybe I would be able to kind of like, leave crumb-by-crumb, but listen, your Aunt Lazuli, she was doing some arcane research, she dreams of the same world that you dream of, where we can just be open with magic. (Jet mouths ‘dreams’ to Liam) Yes, dreams, Liam, dreams.

0:36:12 Liam: I know, I know.

0:36:13 Theobald: And she discovered arcane secrets, ways for us to be more powerful, live forever. She would, if she were still here, we would be so much further than we are now, we are living in the dark ages.

0:36:29 Jet: And Rococoa supported her on this, right?

0:36:31 Theobald: Of course!

0:36:31 Jet: (whispering) I knew it! God, she’s so cool.

0:36:31 Theobald: All of the Rocks sisters, Candia, all of these people are more open-minded than you think, we know that there's more than the Bulb out there. Towards the end of her life, you know your aunt died sacrificing herself in battle. I was there on that day. She called down, a downpour of arcane arrows, took out battalions of enemy forces, and we lost no one but her, she saved all of our lives. And before she dismissed me, before she saved my life, she said, and I didn't know what she was doing, but she said she needed to do this to save our people and save our world. And I mean, the battle was instrumental, but it seemed like a minor thing for a powerful archmage to sacrifice herself, but she would sometimes have visions of the future, and I think she might have known you were coming, if that makes sense, and she saw some kind of timeline, I… You seeing her when you died, you being able to do this magic, her saying, she was, I mean, she was not your Saint Citrina, it is not, it was not--

0:37:51 Ruby: Why haven't you told us any of this stuff?

0:37:53 Theobald: Because this is the type of knowledge that gets you shot through the neck. But seeing as that's already happened—

0:38:01 Ruby: Now you're cool, okay, cool! Well, you're the—

0:38:04 Theobald: We're all cool! We've all been cool this whole time!

0:38:05 Ruby: You were just hiding it from us!

0:38:05 Liam: I would say.. I'm pretty cool.

0:38:08 Theobald: We're not— (Emily laughing)

0:38:10 Theobald: Liam has always been cool.

0:38:12 Lapin: Liam, I thought we were hanging out. (laughter) Liam?

0:38:13 Liam: God, he hates me.

0:38:15 Theobald: Listen. Your Aunt Lazuli knew that it was necessary to do this research in secret until her sister was in a position of power, until your aunt Rococoa was queen, and she could be her archwizard.

0:38:32 Ruby: But I don't want to be an archwizard, I don't want to do all of that book stuff.

0:38:40 Theobald: You don't want to do all that book stuff, are you serious, Ruby? After everything we've just talked—

0:38:44 Ruby: You just met me!

0:38:46 Jet: Ruby, Ruby, I have your back 99.9 percent of the time, but I'm with him on this one.

0:38:52 Ruby: No!

0:38:53 Jet: That was a lot of shit he just dropped, and you won't crack a book for that?

0:38:57 Ruby: Et tu, Fruité?

0:39:03 Brennan: (laughs) You see that the Lady Donetta walks out of the carriage and some of the remaining unwounded Tartguard come out. You see that she walks over to you and says,

0:39:12 Lady Donetta: I'm tending to King Amethar's wounds. I was wondering if someone might help me, if there are some medicinal fruits around here, we might be able to find some help for the king, is anyone here knowledgeable in herb lore or--

0:39:27 Liam: (puts hand up) Ya got your man right here! What kind of seeds are we looking for?

0:39:31 Brennan: You see Preston goes, (mimics panting, squeals). (mimics Preston blasting off and then bouncing to the ground) (Ally laughs) She says,

0:39:38 Lady Donetta: There are a couple of medicinal herbs that should be able to help us, but you know, I am much more well versed in Candian herb lore, maybe if you could give me some help.

0:39:50 Brennan: And she's gonna give you the help action on a Nature check.

0:39:52 Ally: Cool!

0:39:53 Emily: Ooh!

0:39:55 Ally: All right. Oh yeah, baby, we're talkin' a 23.

0:40:01 Brennan: Ooh!

0:40:02 Lou: That's what we're talkin', baby!

0:40:04 Brennan: So Liam, you take off to help the Lady Donetta—

0:40:07 Ally: I just fully dive my whole body into a bush.

0:40:10 Liam: Yeah!

0:40:10 Brennan: It's not even a bush, it's just a huge peach, and you just lateral, (mimics splat).

0:40:15 Liam: There's a pit in here! All right, I'll keep looking! (laughter)

0:40:19 Theobald: Just a seed kid! This kid just loves seeds!

0:40:23 Lapin: I've never heard of—

0:40:24 Jet: He's pretty cool, actually.

0:40:25 Brennan: Cool, so you grab that stuff, you find a lot of medicinal stuff and end up going back with her to like, and she actually ends up showing you how to make poultices and cool stuff.

0:40:34 Ally: Honey, this is my way to spend a day! Let me hang out with the big donut lady! (laughter)

0:40:41 Zac: I have one final d6.

0:40:44 Brennan: Yeah, absolutely!

0:40:46 Zac: I'm trying to decide how mean you're going to be to us. (laughter) But I guess I'll use it—

0:40:51 Siobhan: I would save it. (Zac sighs)

0:40:53 Emily: Well, could he take a rest on the caravan as we're going?

0:40:56 Zac: Well, it's only after a long rest.

0:40:59 Brennan: I will say that, as you guys, so first of all, is there anything that you, that Theobald wraps up with the two princesses?

0:41:04 Murph: I think the last thing I want to say is just,

0:41:07 Theobald: So we should all, you should continue your studies. I'll help you, I'll study too. Jet, if you want to, if you want some banned books, I have some seriously banned books.

0:41:17 Jet: Would you please give them to me? Give me anything about the lands, the Meat Lands.

0:41:22 Theobald: You need to stop running away, you need to stop doing flips on carriages—

0:41:24 Ruby: We're not, why would we run away? You have all of the stuff we always ever wanted, and you just hid it from us!

0:41:28 Theobald: Everyone just needs to be cool, and then we'll start doing cool stuff!

0:41:31 Ruby: Everybody's cool! Everybody’s cool--

0:41:33 Theobald: Once we're cool, we'll do cool stuff!

0:41:34 Ruby: Everybody's cool! Apparently everybody's cool!

0:41:38 Jet: If you had acted like this before, we would've asked for a four bedroom apartment, and you could've lived with us!

0:41:43 Theobald: You didn't deserve my coolness! Return back to the carriage!

0:41:47 Brennan: (laughs) You go back to the carriage, the princesses, I want to say, so you go back to the carriage, as you're in there administering them, Amethar, you actually wake up, you have one hit point.

0:41:56 Lou: Great, I mean—

0:41:57 Zac: He has one left?

0:41:57 Lou: I had two, yeah—

0:41:58 Brennan: You had two, oh sorry, yes, yes, yes.

0:42:00 Lou: I just passed out.

0:42:01 Brennan: Oh, that's right.

0:42:03 Murph: You banged your head as you—

0:42:03 Brennan: Sorry, Amethar, you wake up at full health.

0:42:06 Lou: Oh.

0:42:07 Brennan: But feeling very groggy, there's some medicine, you've been bandaged. And you look up and see young Liam working with the Lady Donetta, Calroy is there.

0:42:14 Ally: I'm in an apron. (Emily laughs)

0:42:18 Liam: (stirring) Hi, king!

0:42:20 Amethar: Hi, hello, Liam. Do I have you to thank for this?

0:42:24 Liam: Oh well, it was me and Mrs. Donut.

0:42:27 Lady Donetta: Lady Donetta.

0:42:28 Amethar: Lady Donetta.

0:42:29 Liam: Yeah, mm-hmm. Mama Donut.

0:42:32 Lady Donetta: That's not my name. (laughter)

0:42:34 Ally: My Charisma, I have a negative two to Charisma. (laughter) So I would imagine I get everyone's name wrong all the time.

0:42:40 Lady Donetta: Liam was extraordinarily helpful in procuring the ingredients for these balms, Your Majesty.

0:42:49 Amethar: Oh wow. Did you say, oh, balms, not—

0:42:51 Lady Donetta: Balms.

0:42:52 Amethar: Not bombs, okay. (laughs)

0:42:54 Jet: Can we make a bomb, I was thinking we should give one to Licorina.

0:42:57 Brennan: You guys are actually still outside, finishing up with—

0:43:01 Zac: Am I here?

0:43:02 Brennan: Yes, Lapin, you're here as well.

0:43:04 Amethar: Oh, well, thank you, Liam.

0:43:05 Lapin: (leaning in) My king.

0:43:06 Amethar: (surprised) Whoa, okay, all right!

0:43:08 Lapin: (touches Amethar’s shoulder) How are you feeling?

0:43:09 Murph: (laughter) Just a little touch!

0:43:11 Amethar: I'm feeling much better, Lapin, and thank you for all your help during the battle. It was essential.

0:43:18 Lapin: Essential.

0:43:19 Amethar: I forgot how useful you can be, out there as well as in the castle.

0:43:26 Lapin: Of course.

0:43:27 Amethar: And Liam, thank you so much, you know, you got your say, you got, you know, you and your dad both have this knack for the nature stuff that, I don't know. Always made him fun to be around.

0:43:39 Liam: Oh, cool! Yeah, my dad was fun to be around? That's weird.

0:43:44 Amethar: Yeah. I mean, your dad was a hero to me.

0:43:47 Liam: Cool.

0:43:48 Amethar: And he, he taught me everything I know about fighting. My father was weak. Your father, hey, he was strong.

0:43:57 Liam: Oh, cool! I, yeah, my dad, yeah, he's a nice guy, but I just feel like I'm pretty different from all my family, pretty sure I—

0:44:07 Amethar: Yeah.

0:44:08 Liam: Was adopted and no one's telling me or something, that's kind of the only thing that would make sense.

0:44:13 Amethar: You are wearing an apron, I don't think I ever saw your dad—

0:44:16 Liam: Yeah?

0:44:16 Amethar: Wearing an apron.

0:44:17 Liam: The best thing about the apron is, it kind of tickles your knees. You know, it's a good tickle.

0:44:24 Amethar: (pauses) Where are my daughters? (All laugh)

0:44:26 Siobhan: Can I just ask Theo, as we're walking,

0:44:30 Ruby: How did you get Sprinkle?

0:44:33 Theobald: I cast a spell that your aunt taught me.

0:44:37 Ruby: (quietly) Can I, can I do that?

0:44:40 Theobald: (whispering) Yes, I'll teach you, but we need to be really down low about it.

0:44:43 Ruby: (whispering) Okay!

0:44:45 Emily: I'm fitting Sprinkle with a little thing so I can try and ride him.

0:44:49 Brennan: Cool. Under no circumstances will I allow that. (laughter)

0:44:53 Emily: But I could try, though, can I?

0:44:55 Murph: Please don't kill Sprinkle.

0:44:56 Brennan: You can absolutely try.

0:44:57 Emily: Okay.

0:44:58 Brennan: I will not stand for it. (Emily laughs)

0:45:00 Brennan: (pointing aggressively) Not this season, not Season Five.

0:45:03 Jet: I see, it is a spirit that can't be tamed. (laughter)

0:45:07 Ally: You're gonna kill Sprinkle!

0:45:08 Jet: I apologize, Sprinkle.

0:45:09 Brennan: As Amethar looks for his daughters, you see that Lord Cruller turns to you and says,

0:45:13 Calroy: You know that your cousin and your father fought side-by-side in the Ravening War.

0:45:22 Liam: Not a big war guy.

0:45:25 Calroy: Well—

0:45:26 Liam: Not a big war guy.

0:45:27 Calroy: Sure, all right. You're hard to bond with. (All laugh)

0:45:31 Liam: No, I would love to hear what you had to say!

0:45:33 Calroy: No, I just, Liam. We're heading— You've been party to a lot of very dangerous information. And I want you to know that if it has not been made clear to you already by either the queen or myself or your cousin, the king, your situation as a hostage with us is the best of all possible worlds. Your father is able to keep his castle, and all of his children and his lands and his fighting forces, and not even agree to the Concord, remain as a rebel state openly, because of the nature of the treaty that was worked out between him and the House of Rocks, so you staying here is what enables your father to keep his independence, his freedom, his lands, and not only Amethar, but his fallen sisters all were incredibly supportive of your uncle when he seceded. Did he ever tell you why he seceded?

0:46:45 Liam: Yeah, he said last king was a pussy, and everybody a pussy, and—

0:46:51 Calroy: He did have a blunt way with words, yes.

0:46:53 Liam: Yeah, yeah, and I don't know, everyone just kind of thinks that the whole candy, you know, all the kings and stuff were lame, and that we should, you know, kind of kill them or whatever.

0:47:08 Calroy: He was a little blunt, but he seceded because your uncle, King Jadain, would not uphold Candia's alliances. Your father made himself a traitor to fight alongside our allies in the Dairy Islands.

0:47:27 Liam: Yeah, I think I have heard that one, yeah. 'Cause he wouldn't, they needed our help, and we said no, and so my dad just went and helped them anyway.

0:47:34 Calroy: That's correct.

0:47:35 Liam: Yeah, that sounds pretty cool. I think, yeah, I think my brothers and stuff, they really hate (quietly) the king. And they just kind of think like, he's probably just like his brother, but yeah, again, I'm not really a war guy.

0:47:52 Calroy: Well, no one is until the war comes.

0:47:56 Liam: (thoughtfully) Hmm.

0:47:58 Brennan: You see that you guys continue along the road. It's many more days to get to Comida. As you make your way towards Comida, though, you guys stay in small keeps and castles, provincial lords put out their best royal welcome, as much as they can, as the royal family of Candia comes through their lands. The imperial guard swells, you know, you see other people on their way to Comida for the Grand Tournament. And as you move through these lands, you end up at night practicing. Now you guys are, you know, these young princesses who are now finding that the open attitudes towards arcane magic that are held in Candia, in the more theocratically minded kingdoms of Calorum, the attitudes shift a little bit. However, with locked doors, and with plenty of safe Tartguard keeping you guys away from other prying eyes, you begin to learn the Find Familiar spell. And right—

0:49:06 Jet: I try to do it too.

0:49:09 Theobald: You're more of a, you're more like your Aunt Rococoa.

0:49:12 Jet: We're twins!

0:49:13 Theobald: Why don't you go back to attacking me, and I try to block it.

0:49:17 Jet: Okay!

0:49:18 Brennan: (laughs) You see, right before dawn on your final day, you step out onto the balcony, you cast the spell. (mimics whoosh) And nothing happens. And stepping on to the balcony in the pre-dawn light, you see with your archer's vision, a tiny shape coming out of the sky. And its wings spread. (mimics bird screech) A butterscotch falcon lands on your arm.

0:49:45 Ruby: (delighted) Hello! (Falcon chirps)

0:49:48 Ruby: What's your name? (A beat, then more chirping)

0:49:52 Ruby: Yak? Your name is Yak? (chirping) All right, I'll call you Yak.

0:50:00 Brennan: (laughter) Yak the Falcon, hold on one second.

0:50:07 Lou: Here we go!

0:50:08 Brennan: (hands over a spell card) Here's Yak the Falcon.

0:50:10 Siobhan: Oh, I love him!

0:50:12 Brennan: He's made of butterscotch, so naturally, he looks quite old, he looks kind of like, you know how some birds get very, they get, it's simultaneously very distinguished, but also grumpy looking? He's like a very distinguished, grumpy-looking butterscotch falcon. (Yak chirps)

0:50:32 Siobhan: I find some of Liam's seeds, and I feed them to the falcon.

0:50:35 Yak: (gnawing) (chirruping)

0:50:39 Ruby: What do you want, do you want, what do you eat, boy?

0:50:42 Brennan: See, (mimics whoosh) he takes to wing and starts hunting over the Fructeran fields.

0:50:47 Theobald: This is much better than Sprinkle already. (Brennan laughs)

0:50:49 Theobald: No offense, Sprinkle.

0:50:50 Sprinkle: (angry high pitched babbling)

0:50:51 Ruby: I love Sprinkle.

0:50:51 Theobald: I'm so sorry, Sprinkle.

0:50:53 Brennan: He just changes his head to butt and shuffles like a train back and forth.

0:50:57 Jet: You invite the wrath of Sprinkle?

0:50:58 Theobald: We need to learn head to butt, Sprinkle.

0:51:00 Ruby: Sprinkle, I hope that you and Yak can be friends.

0:51:02 Sprinkle: (high pitched babbling)

0:51:06 Brennan: You see, (laughs) yeah, it's still pre-dawn light. You are spending time with your falcon, and Theo, you have taught the princess a spell that you, you know, you were never a wizardly minded guy, and it was just your admiration for the Princess Lazuli, and looking out over like, you can't help but notice that as the sky shifts, the entire sky is the same indigo in that pre-dawn light as night begins to fade, and as a small wind kicks up, and for a moment, you swear you could feel a smile somewhere on the horizon. (gentle music)

0:51:54 Theobald: (exhales) Princess Ruby, I'm sorry, but you do have a lot of reading to do in the coming days.

0:51:58 Ruby: Ugh!

0:51:59 Theobald: I do think you're both destined for great things. (Brennan laughs)

0:52:03 Jet: A quick twin check-in. Like, if it, me versus Yak. I'm still number one, right?

0:52:09 Ruby: Yeah, sure, and me versus Liam, I'm still number one, right?

0:52:13 Jet: Absolutely, absolutely.

0:52:13 Ruby: Okay, great, yeah.

0:52:13 Jet: Okay, cool.

0:52:14 Ruby: Cool.

0:52:15 Emily: That was in twin language so no one else can understand. (Siobhan laughs)

0:52:18 Brennan: The next day is the 30th day of Highbright, as you guys close in on Comida. As you're getting ready to leave from the last keep you've been staying in, you see that Lord Cruller comes over to you, Theo. And you see he says,

0:52:31 Calroy: Sir Theobald, I trust the (hushed tone) secret lessons are—

0:52:36 Theobald: Yes, I think we're good.

0:52:38 Calroy: Lovely. I've been speaking to some of the help at these keeps, and some of them speak Ceresian, and some of them have been serving our friends, these Ceresian infantry, and it looks like they've been talking. So, it's not the best possible situation. It looks like Commander Grissini has shut down a lot of that talk in the open, so word is spreading less fast than it could have. But according to some of the serving lads and lasses, there has been some gossip amongst the rank and file. What was it you saw or heard that the Princess Jet was referring to with the chancellor? Do you remember what I speak of?

0:53:29 Theobald: I believe I was outside the carriage at the time of whatever is being referred to.

0:53:36 Brennan: Go ahead and give me a Deception roll. (tense, quick orchestral music)

0:53:40 Murph: 8.

0:53:45 Brennan: He goes,

0:53:47 Calroy: Ah, so this happened when the battle had already broken out?

0:53:50 Theobald: (sighs) I don't feel comfortable speaking about the chancellor when he's not present. After what I saw in that battle, I still hate his stupid rabbit guts, but I respect him. And I don't want any more gossip.

0:54:13 Calroy: I completely understand, I will only, (sighs) it will be easier for me to hunt something down and stop it if I know what it is I'm hunting. And that's all I will say on the matter of, for fear that I would make you uncomfortable regarding your honor, Sir Theobald.

0:54:34 Theobald: I get the, I get what you're saying. Whoever did this, it's not the chancellor.

0:54:48 Calroy: I would never suggest that it was. But the Princess Jet did see something, and if she saw it, it's possible someone else saw it as well. Theobald nods.

0:54:57 Calroy: All right. You've made your mind known, and I respect it, even if it makes my life perhaps significantly more difficult. Sir Theobald, thank you.

0:55:08 Brennan: You see, you guys head to the capital city of Comida!

0:55:16 Siobhan: Can we go shopping?

0:55:18 Brennan: (laughs) Golden spires of grain, the leafy cathedrals towering over the city skyline, fruit merchants aboard Dairy sailor ships, and the high drums of a convoy from the Meat Lands approaching astride massive beasts, (heavy, crushing footsteps) strange trunked and tusked mammoth monsters from the far north, the arrival of lords and ladies from across all the Six Kingdoms of Calorum, you see the Great Cathedral of Saint Arugula, in all of its green splendor, there, the Cornucopian Hall, the massive horn, with all of the foods and sweets piling out of it, massive buildings arrayed, statues of the heroes of the empire. And atop it all, the Great Pyramid of Food.

0:56:11 Jet: Okay, chancellor, I would like to visit this chapel.

0:56:15 Lapin: There will be time.

0:56:19 Brennan: (laughs) You guys arrive at the Cornucopian Hall, a big, giant, you know, horn of plenty building. But you know, it's like, this horn of plenty dwarfs the buildings around it, and there's huge gates opened up, and inside, it's spiraling domes, Comida has always been a cosmopolitan, multicultural place where denizens of all the Six Kingdoms come to trade and talk, and of course, now after the 20 years that it's been the capital of the Concordant Empire, you know, the Concordant Empire levies 20 percent of the taxes of every other kingdom, and all of that wealth pours into this place, and you see this, just a wealth of culture. I mean, like, Castle Candia's the capital of Candia, and Dulcington is a large town, but this is a city. And you see just how big this world can get.

0:57:09 Jet: (whispers) We have to sneak out.

0:57:11 Ruby: (whispers) We have to.

0:57:14 Brennan: (laughs) What do you guys do as you approach the Cornucopian Hall?

0:57:17 Emily: I'm keeping an eye out.

0:57:18 Murph: Watch the princesses.

0:57:19 Siobhan: (laughs) For exits, for climbing walls.

0:57:20 Emily: I'm keeping an eye out for taverns, or dancing halls.

0:57:25 Siobhan: Maybe some kind of show.

0:57:28 Lou: I take a quick second to walk up to my daughters, and first, I take off the locket that Jet gave to me, and I give it back to her. I say—

0:57:37 Jet: Thanks, pops.

0:57:38 Amethar: That's for you, right? I appreciate you giving it to me.

0:57:41 Jet: Wow, if you ever looked, if you ever look like you need it, it's coming for that neck.

0:57:46 Amethar: Hey, I'll tell you right now, it won't work. It's for you and your sister. And nobody else.

0:57:52 Jet: Oh.

0:57:53 Amethar: Okay? That's very sweet of you, though.

0:57:57 Ruby: We just want to protect you, pops.

0:57:59 Amethar: Well—

0:57:59 Jet: Not that you need it. It was really fun to watch you in battle.

0:58:02 Ruby: It was really cool.

0:58:03 Amethar: It was very fun to watch you—

0:58:04 Jet: Do you know you're the first person to ever do damage to me? But I think that's kind of cool, right?

0:58:09 Amethar: I mean, my sisters were the first people to ever, you know—

0:58:12 Jet: Yeah.

0:58:13 Amethar: Grievously, or injure me, so it feels right, family hurts family.

0:58:17 Jet: Yeah, yeah.

0:58:18 Ruby: (enthusiastically) Yeah!

0:58:18 Jet: Yeah!

0:58:19 Amethar: But I just want you guys to know that I'm sorry for yelling at the carriage, and I'm gonna be doing a lot of talking to people and stuff, stuff that maybe you guys can't be a part of.

0:58:30 Ruby: Okay, well, if you want us to be a part of it, we'll do it.

0:58:33 Amethar: I know, I know.

0:58:34 Jet: I'm sorry for talking back so much, I just feel really worried about Ruby, and I've taken Ruby's presence for granted, and I am a little bit panicking.

0:58:46 Amethar: And that's my fault, for I don't know, maybe being too nice on you, maybe teaching you to sneak out of too many lessons. I think we could all do better here. Now, I need to go find somebody from the Dairy Islands, and quick. So I'll—

0:59:02 Jet: Is that—

0:59:03 Amethar: You guys enjoy the party.

0:59:05 Lou: And I'd like to head off.

0:59:07 Brennan: You head into the thing, cool. You step out of the carriage, as you do, you see the huge beasts of transport from the Meat Lands, and these warriors of the Meat Lands that are wearing bone armor with giant gladiator weapons.

0:59:23 Emily: I brandish Burnt Ends.

0:59:26 Brennan: (laughs) You see that a couple of them look over at you, give me a persuasion check.

0:59:29 Emily: Oh, I've never wanted a nat 20 more! Seeing what Emily rolled, Zac, Lou, and Siobhan snicker.

0:59:34 Brennan: What is that?

0:59:35 Emily: I got a 12!

0:59:37 Brennan: Your brandish it, no one fuckin' looks your way at all.

0:59:40 Jet: Hello, hey! (waving) Hi. (clears throat)

0:59:41 Brennan: You see that there's a mustached, kind of like Celtic Vercingetorix looking guy, who's speaking there to someone else, and there's a woman next to him, who is a 10 foot tall T-bone steak in armor, with a huge ax over her shoulder.

0:59:57 Siobhan: I don't generally wear it, because it doesn't fit our style, but I'm so intimidated by this situation that I put my royal circlet on.

1:00:06 Brennan: Yeah, just to get some status.

1:00:08 Emily: Okay, yeah, I guess I put mine on too.

1:00:10 Brennan: Amethar steps out, and you, as you step out, you hear a voice say,

1:00:13 Man: (gruff piratey accent) All right, well, you know, it's a Candian carriage, so you'd best hide your ale and liquor, because they'll drink it all up!

1:00:21 Amethar: Oh, is that Manta Ray Jack I hear?

1:00:23 Manta Ray Jack: In the flesh!

1:00:24 Amethar: (happy) Oh! (laughter)

1:00:26 Brennan: A tiny crumble of extremely waxy, stale, hard cheese with a huge handlebar mustache, and a little bandana, and he's a little cube of cheese, he's maybe two and a half feet tall, leaps up into Amethar's arms, and just—

1:00:44 Lou: We hug, I spin him around.

1:00:47 Amethar: You son of a bitch!

1:00:48 Manta Ray Jack: Oh, is that what you say, then? Not very kingly of ya! (laughs)

1:00:52 Amethar: Oh, get off of me!

1:00:53 Manta Ray Jack: Ah, you're all right!

1:00:54 Amethar: (mimics blows) Baw, baw, baw!

1:00:56 Manta Ray Jack: Where is--

1:00:57 Theobald: (unsheathes sword, yelling) Stop, stop assaulting the king!

1:00:58 Manta Ray Jack: Holy shit!

1:00:59 Amethar: Hey, Theobald, Theobald, everybody calm down.

1:01:01 Theobald: It was getting a little rowdy.

1:01:02 Brennan: (laughs) You see, indeed, you see that a couple other people come over, you see that Sir Morris Brie steps up, who's an armored Dairy knight, and he goes,

1:01:11 Morris Brie: (gruff Scottish accent) Right, Manta Ray, we're at court!

1:01:14 Brennan: And puts him down, he says,

1:01:16 Morris Brie: Your Majesty, King Amethar.

1:01:18 Amethar: Hey.

1:01:19 Morris Brie: It has been too many years.

1:01:21 Amethar: Man, much too many.

1:01:23 Lou: I hug him as well.

1:01:23 Brennan: Embraces, you look over at the Dairy contingent, these are a bunch of sailors and other people. You see that there are two figures a little way away from each other, there is a young, finely dressed duchess, her name, you would know her as Primsy Coldbottle. She is a young girl, about two years younger than your daughters, who's got a giant milk bottle head with eyes and a mouth on it,  and literally the word "milk" around the side, like on part of her flesh is the word "milk" written into the side of her head.

1:01:57 Lou: She's a princess, right?

1:01:58 Brennan: She is actually the duchess.

1:02:00 Lou: Duchess.

1:02:01 Brennan: She's the Duchess of Lacramor.

1:02:03 Murph: Is that the highest ranking person there?

1:02:05 Brennan: That's the highest ranking person there. There used to be, and this is something, actually, anyone that wants to can make a History check.

1:02:13 Emily: I got a nat 1.

1:02:14 Siobhan: I got a nat 20.

1:02:15 Brennan: Nat 20?

1:02:16 Emily: I got a nat 1, though.

1:02:17 Siobhan: I know about this milk lady, and I'll tell you all about it.

1:02:22 Zac: I think Lapin tries to start talking before you do, and then you tell me it.

1:02:24 Brennan: Ruby, you recognize Primsy Coldbottle, she is the Duchess of Lacramor, she was a cousin of House Cheddar. The, back in the Ravening War, Prince Tarthur Cheddar was the Prince of the Dairy Islands, which is the highest rank in the Dairy, the Dairy Islands don't have a king or queen. You see Primsy Coldbottle, who is sort of standing in the middle of a circle of advisors and guards, sort of listening to them as they explain sort of what's gonna happen. And what you see sort of very jocular with a bunch of fighting women and men, actually, all the people she's speaking to are women, you see there's a huge group of women that have swords at their side, bows and arrows, very light armor, sort of, you know, naval armor. And you see that she's got her one leg up on the lip of a carriage, is maybe the most stunning woman you've ever seen. She is wearing a cap, she has short cut hair, swept back, kind of like the princely hair, and a long captain's jacket. With that nat 20, this is Annabelle Cheddar. Annabelle Cheddar was stripped of her title, and could not inherit the throne and become Princess of the Dairy Islands. So she would be the rightful heir, but something happened, and with a nat 20, I will tell you, and you can decide if you heard this publicly or privately.

1:03:53 Siobhan: Great.

1:03:55 Brennan: She refused to marry.

1:03:57 Siobhan: Sick!

1:03:58 Emily: That's awesome.

1:03:59 Siobhan: I love her!

1:04:01 Brennan: You see that she's just laughing it up with soldiers, you see that there's a look around her of such freedom, and you see someone who, unlike the stints you guys have done, actually got away.

1:04:17 Ruby: (whispering) Fuck!

1:04:19 Siobhan: I want to go up to her and say, in Lacra, just as chill as I can, (Brennan laughs)

1:04:25 Ruby: 'Sup, I'm Ruby. Hey.

1:04:29 Brennan: You see, go ahead and make a flat Charisma check for me.

1:04:35 Siobhan: I'm not the most charismatic. It's a 13.

1:04:38 Brennan: 13. You see she looks over at you and goes,

1:04:42 Annabelle: (Scottish accent) Right, is it just that then, Ruby? No last name? I notice there's a circlet on your head.

1:04:47 Ruby: Oh, this stupid thing! (removes circlet and throws it aside)

1:04:49 Murph: (leaning with arms out) I dive and get it. (All laughing)

1:04:52 Brennan: Oh yeah, you use Swirl Warden to reaction leap and catch the circlet.

1:04:56 Ruby: Yeah, I just—

1:04:57 Theobald: You dropped this.

1:04:58 Ruby: Oh, I mean… I have to wear it. Yeah, I'm Ruby Rocks, nice to meet you, what's your name?

1:05:05 Annabelle: Right, well, Your Highness.

1:05:08 Ruby: What, I don't know who you are, so—

1:05:11 Annabelle: You just came up to introduce yourself to a stranger?

1:05:16 Ruby: (stammering) When in Comida!

1:05:17 Emily: I put on peasant’s clothes, and I'm like, “Ruby Rocks!”

1:05:21 Brennan: Cool, so you take a full 10 and a half minutes to do that.

1:05:24 Jet: Ruby Rocks! Can I get your autograph?

1:05:26 Brennan: Lapin, you see furiously in the carriage is Jet changing into--

1:05:30 Lapin: I'm reading in here. (All laughing) Please stop.

1:05:34 Murph: I'm holding the door of the carriage closed.

1:05:36 Lapin: I don't feel comfortable—

1:05:41 Brennan: You see that Annabelle looks at you and says,

1:05:43 Annabelle: Right, well, Your Highness. I'm Captain Annabelle Cheddar. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

1:05:49 Ruby: It's nice to meet you. You're a captain?

1:05:51 Annabelle: Aye, Captain of the Colby.

1:05:53 Ruby: Cool, yeah, we're just here because my dad. For the, are you here for the thing, the tourney?

1:06:01 Annabelle: Right, the tournament? Aye, I'll be fighting in the melee.

1:06:03 Ruby: Oh wow! ...Yeah, cool.

1:06:07 Annabelle: That's quite a bow you've got on your back there.

1:06:09 Ruby: Oh yeah.

1:06:10 Annabelle: Perhaps you'll be fighting in the archery competition?

1:06:12 Ruby: Oh, no yeah, this is… (Siobhan checks her character sheet with a little laugh)

1:06:14 Ruby: This is Sour Scratch. It was my aunt's.

1:06:19 Annabelle: Aye, the Puckering Bow.

1:06:21 Ruby: Mm-hmm.

1:06:22 Annabelle: Aye, well, I dare not speak its name, lest I find myself on your wrong side, Your Highness.

1:06:26 Ruby: Oh, I don't think you will. I mean, will you? Annabelle raises her eyebrows.

1:06:29 Ruby: Anyway, I gotta go. (laughs)

1:06:31 Ally: Do we know everything about this person from her, or you just, she knows?

1:06:35 Brennan: You, so give me an Insight check.

1:06:37 Ally: Oh, cool. Interesting. (Siobhan laughs) That's an 8.

1:06:44 Brennan: An 8. You think that both of them are mad at each other.

1:06:49 Liam: (to himself) I wish there was something I could do. (Brennan and Emily laugh)

1:06:54 Theobald: King Amethar, are—

1:06:56 Amethar: Yeah, Theobald?

1:06:57 Murph: I just want to pull the king aside for a second.

1:06:59 Theobald: Are we all concerned that we were just attacked by Dairy bandits on the road, and your daughter is off talking to—

1:07:07 Amethar: I, I mean, I'm not good at statecraft, but I know that you don't get all crazy just 'cause you see, we have to—

1:07:17 Theobald: We don't get crazy, but perhaps we should talk to somebody, some of the meat people or something, see if there's any enemies, they were pretending to be meat.

1:07:23 Amethar: Well, (stammering) I mean, I, okay, I wasn't, you know how hard it is to try and think about multiple things at one time?

1:07:30 Theobald: Yes!

1:07:31 Amethar: You just—

1:07:31 Theobald: That's just it, people do that every day, my lord!

1:07:33 Amethar: That's, but it's so hard!

1:07:34 Theobald: It is very hard!

1:07:35 Zac: I think Lapin is also trying to get information from people as well.

1:07:41 Amethar: Yeah, we, I'm gonna talk to the Manta Ray Jack and my friends in the Dairy Islands, and then we'll go from there.

1:07:49 Theobald: Be careful, you don't know who your friends are.

1:07:52 Amethar: I know who my friends are. I know who my friends are.

1:07:55 Theobald: That's, you're correct.

1:07:56 Amethar: Hey, I'm a fucking king, and I know who my friends are.

1:07:57 Theobald: (backing down) You’re the king.

1:07:58 Brennan: As people start to file into the Cornucopian Hall, you see an enormous troop of Ceresian soldiers walk up. (mimics troops marching) And you see a number of palanquins, as about 10 Ceresian senators walk out, the only people that are not here with royalty. So it's Ceresian senators, they have a lot of, Ceresia's just a very populous nation, so a huge group of people show up, and you see that as they arrive, they've been throwing coins, just to people in the city, just like, coins, coins, coins. And you see that this one senator is this giant loaf of bread, with a little branch of leaves around his head in a toga, this is Senator Ciabatta. And you see that, as he throws them, he's waving,

1:08:42 Senator Ciabatta: (Italian accent) Hello, people of Comida! Hello! (throws more money) From your friends in Ceresia!

1:08:47 Brennan: And you see that Constano, who's been traveling with you the whole time, he gets a look in his eye, and salutes and looks like, he gets a look like Theo gets of like, keep it together, keep it together! (laughs) And as well, the diplomatic envoy from Vegetania arrives. The royal carriage with Prince Cabbage, the adult son of King Cabbage, is the second largest. The largest, with a huge symbol of the shining Bulb overhead is the palanquin of the Hierophant Rex, Belizabeth Brassica, the Pontifex of the Bulbian Church.

1:09:26 Zac: Lapin bows very deeply.

1:09:29 Lou: I also bow.

1:09:30 Siobhan: Oh, I guess I also bow.

1:09:31 Brennan: Yeah, royalty and everyone alike bows as the Pontifex approaches. You see—

1:09:37 Siobhan: I pull Jet down.

1:09:38 Jet: What? I'm a peasant. (Brennan laughs)

1:09:40 Theobald: (quietly) Peasants would bow even more!

1:09:42 Emily: All right, I bow like a peasant.

1:09:45 Brennan: You see that the Pontifex walks out, beautiful middle-aged woman, coiffed hair, this incredible gown with green and white, huge halo of a sort of Elizabethan ruffle around her neck, she looks out and steps out with another archbishop who's like this tweedy looking sort of onion guy with a lot of books, she greets Nezemiah, she looks out and says,

1:10:13 Pontifex Brassica: May the Bulb shine on this blessed day, on the Eve of Saint Turnipat, this feast is named. May we sup well, a blessing upon the city of Comida, and the Concordant Empire.

1:10:29 Brennan: And you're filled with this presence of this woman that rules over the Bulbian Church. As people, she begins to walk away, and you see that she makes eye contact with you, Lapin. And nods to you. You maybe have met her at a conclave in Comida before, maybe even in Brightgarden, if you've traveled to Brightgarden.

1:10:49 Zac: Oh, okay.

1:10:51 Brennan: But the last time you met her, she was a primogen and an archbishop. You have not met her as Pontifex. But she smiles and nods to you.

1:11:03 Zac: I think Lapin bows again, and is like,

1:11:09 Lapin: I hope, I trust that the Bulb is shining on you, Pontifex.

1:11:12 Pontifex: And you as well, Primogen Lapin.

1:11:15 Lapin: Yes.

1:11:16 Pontifex: I heard the awful news that you were attacked on the way to Comida. And that none were killed. A miracle, and only one as devout as yourself would have brought the presence of the Bulb so powerfully that none were lost that day.

1:11:32 Lapin: It was truly a miracle. The Bulb did greatly shine on us this day.

1:11:40 Pontifex: We come now to pay our respects to the Concordant Emperor. If you would like to join, you're more than welcome, primogen. However, I understand that there is business to attend to  here at the Cornucopian Hall. Vices to be indulged, wine to drink, et cetera.

1:11:56 Lapin: I would rather join you, I believe. Let me make sure I have my leave.

1:12:02 Pontifex: Absolutely. We shall see you at the Great Pyramid.

1:12:06 Brennan: You see that the archbishop behind her, who is an archbishop that looks a little reedy, goes,

1:12:11 Onionpatch: (nasal voice) Oh, primogen, Archbishop Oliver Onionpatch.

1:12:15 Brennan: He's got a little onion head.

1:12:16 Onionpatch: A pleasure.

1:12:18 Lapin: A pleasure to make your acquaintance.

1:12:19 Onionpatch: Yes, as well. Ooh, I should, I didn't get leave. I actually, ooh. Your Holiness, I should get leave from the Prince Cabbage before,

1:12:29 Pontifex: Yes, of course, Oliver.

1:12:31 Onionpatch: Very good. (laughs)

1:12:32 Brennan: And sort of scampers off, trips over his robe a little bit and wanders off towards the carriage. Everyone else begins to file inside. Let me know what people are doing, there's a lot of stuff going on, you guys are at a big feast.

1:12:46 Theobald: My lord, are we all gonna stick together?

1:12:48 Amethar: Of course, I mean, if somebody is, either you or I will be with my daughters at all times.

1:12:54 Theobald: All right. You need to also not die, you know that, right?

1:12:57 Amethar: I, hey, I can take care of myself, right? You saw me out there. You think I'm the old one, too? I mean, look at you, just like it was, just like back in the day.

1:13:04 Theobald: It was just like back in the day, you weren't the king then, my lord!

1:13:08 Lapin: (leaning in extremely close to Amethar) Our king. (All laughing)

1:13:11 Theobald: Out of nowhere!

1:13:12 Amethar: Stop, stop!

1:13:13 Theobald: This is us, we were talking, we were saying cool stuff!

1:13:15 Brennan: Calroy fully drops the cup he was holding. (mimics splashing)

1:13:17 Calroy: God I, God! Sorry.

1:13:18 Lapin: Sorry, my king, I was invited by the Pontifex to join them at the—

1:13:23 Calroy: I mean, you're not a short guy.

1:13:24 Amethar: Yeah, right? You're a big, tall rabbit.

1:13:25 Theobald: Just out of nowhere.

1:13:27 Lapin: I don't know what to say. (Brennan laughs)

1:13:32 Lapin: I trust my king's eyesight, I don't know about what's going on with the two of you. But it—

1:13:38 Theobald: I have fine eyesight.

1:13:39 Lapin: It feels as though it might be best if I join, for the sake of the church.

1:13:46 Amethar: That feels right, we'll leave more delicate conversations until you return.

1:13:50 Lapin: Yes. (touches Amethar on the shoulder)

1:13:51 Amethar: (uncomfortable) Oh!

1:13:53 Brennan: Cool. You mosey on off, you see Calroy looks at you and says,

1:13:59 Calroy: Your Majesty, do you want me to hang by your side, let you know who people are?

1:14:03 Brennan: You see that Lord Swirlie walks up and says,

1:14:05 Lord Swirlie: I would also be happy to provide the social graces!

1:14:09 Lapin: Oh, thank God I'm getting out of here! (laughter)

1:14:12 Amethar: Lord Swirlie, why don't you go and, you know, put, make graces with our friends, the senator, the good senators of Ceresia? I don't want to overwhelm people with too much, too much.

1:14:31 Lord Swirlie: Ah, a little bit of diplomacy?

1:14:35 Amethar: Sure.

1:14:36 Brennan: Calroy looks over at you and goes,

1:14:38 Calroy: You would like me to hang by your side?

1:14:39 Amethar: Yeah, of course, Cal, why d’you keep asking stupid questions?

1:14:42 Calroy: Because I'm also useful if I am doing what you just sent Finnegan to do, Lord Swirlie.

1:14:49 Amethar: I mean, what, did you, who, do you want me to keep ice cream man?

1:14:52 Calroy: No, I'll be with you, that's fine.

1:14:54 Amethar: Great, thank you, Cal.

1:14:56 Brennan: Cool. You guys head into the group, and you're all sort of, I guess, staying together, except for Lapin, who walks away. First of all, as you walk up, the heralds announce them, you know, (trumpet salute)

1:15:06 Heralds: King Amethar of the House of Rocks, first of his name! Duke of Cookieshire, Sovereign of the Realm! (mimics trumpeting fanfare)

1:15:16 Brennan: And you're all announced, enter this great banquet hall, you have never seen a spread like this. The only food that you even have a complaint with is the candy on the tables, 'cause you're like, “oh, this isn't authentic.” But everything else is, but it is good, and everything else is the best stuff you've ever eaten.

1:15:37 Siobhan: Is there a table that's like the young, cool, hot people?

1:15:41 Brennan: Give me an Insight check.

1:15:43 Siobhan: Great. Eeh! That's a 5.

1:15:50 Theobald: I found a table for us over here!

1:15:51 Ruby: Oh no!

1:15:53 Brennan: You do not, well, there's also, mostly, there's not small tables, there's long banquet tables.

1:15:58 Siobhan: Oh, okay. So where is Annabelle sitting?

1:16:01 Brennan: Annabelle's sitting, she's actually not sitting, she's over near a bunch of these huge kegs of Fructeran vino.

1:16:08 Theobald: I just want to say to Liam, Princess Jet, Princess Ruby—

1:16:13 Liam: An honor to be included. (Emily laughs)

1:16:16 Theobald: Wards stick together, okay?

1:16:17 Liam: Yeah.

1:16:17 Theobald: (hushed) Look. Somebody here set us up. I can guarantee it. We don't know who that is, so just be careful, whoever you talk to.

1:16:28 Ruby: Yeah, so what did your parents do to mess up to make you a ward?

1:16:32 Liam: Hey!

1:16:33 Theobald: I jumped at the chance to serve, to follow rules and rigorous schedules.

1:16:38 Ruby: Right, yes, you are still—

1:16:40 Theobald: Wake up early and train, and—

1:16:41 Ruby: Okay, yes, I had forgotten that—

1:16:42 Theobald: What? And then I discovered a love of reading—

1:16:45 Ruby: I'm gonna go get a drink.

1:16:47 Theobald: Let my hair down!

1:16:48 Lou: I sidle up next to my friends from the Dairy Islands.

1:16:52 Brennan: Cool, you go over there, you see Manta Ray Jack is there with his milky manta ray tattoo. And you see that Annabelle, you go over to Annabelle, or Primsy?

1:17:02 Lou: Primsy, and I'm assuming Primsy, who is with who?

1:17:06 Brennan: Sir Morris Brie is with Primsy, and as you approach, he says—

1:17:09 Lou: Great, perfect.

1:17:11 Morris Brie: M'lady, presenting His Majesty, King Amethar of the House of Rocks.

1:17:17 Brennan: And you see that Primsy looks up and she says,

1:17:19 Primsy: (high-pitched Scottish accent) Oh, I'm very charmed, to be sure, Your Majesty.

1:17:21 Brennan: And she does a very deep curtsy.

1:17:23 Amethar: Oh! A pleasure to meet you, my lady.

1:17:27 Primsy: Aye, 'tis a pleasure. I understand that you fought a long time, long before I was born, in the Dairy Isles.

1:17:36 Amethar: Yeah. You have a beautiful homeland.

1:17:40 Primsy: To hear a king say those words, it means a great deal.

1:17:44 Amethar: You are, you are too kind. And very well spoken for someone of your age.

1:17:51 Primsy: Oh, thank you very much. I try to be as polite and proper as I can, and I know that it is a privilege and an honor to be here to represent my people.

1:18:02 Amethar: I couldn't have said it better myself. I was wondering if I might have a moment with Sir Brie?

1:18:11 Primsy: Of course! Sir Brie, I give you leave to speak with His Majesty, the King of Candia.

1:18:18 Brennan: Sir Brie nods and steps away, she curtsies again, and yeah, you--

1:18:24 Amethar: You understand we were attacked on the road?

1:18:27 Morris Brie: Aye, we heard word.

1:18:28 Amethar: Yeah, and do you know who we were attacked by?

1:18:32 Brennan: You see, give me, he's gonna make an Insight check, give me a flat Charisma check.

1:18:37 Lou: Great.

1:18:39 Murph: Can I also do a Perception check? I want to kind of keep my eyes on the cheese people as they're watching--

1:18:44 Brennan: Give me a Perception and an insight check.

1:18:46 Lou: What did I give you? What're you asking for?

1:18:48 Siobhan: Flat Charisma.

1:18:49 Lou: Flat Charisma's 10.

1:18:50 Murph: I got a 19 on Insight. And not a great Perception check, 8 on perception.

1:18:58 Brennan: Cool. Insight, you don't notice any weird cheese people stuff. With insight, you get two, that's a good insight, you get two things. You see Annabelle look at Amethar forlornly, she looks a little bit like, I don't know, she looks at him, as he goes to Primsy and not her.

1:19:16 Murph: Okay.

1:19:17 Brennan: And you look at Primsy, she looks over, there is a young Dairy nobleman, who's wearing all blue. And you see that he looks like a little fancy cheese boy. And he smiles at her. Insight, but you got a low Perception, so you see that she smiles at him, and he very saucily is like, but he's about 16 or 17 himself, winks at her, and she kind of blushes.

1:19:49 Theobald: Huh.

1:19:51 Brennan: You walk over with, you see that Sir Morris looks at you and goes,

1:19:56 Morris Brie: Right, you don't think that, Your Majesty, let me understand. You're asking if we know anything?

1:20:04 Amethar: Yeah, I am. I'm not accusing you or anything.

1:20:07 Morris Brie: No, of course not.

1:20:09 Amethar: We've been friends, we've been through it together, all right? I've watched you shit and piss in trenches during the war. Right?

1:20:16 Morris Brie: I've watched you shit and piss fully out of a trench. I've watched you shit in a dead sprint, it was the most upsetting thing I've ever seen.

1:20:24 Amethar: I mean, that was a night, I'll tell you! (laughs)

1:20:26 Morris Brie: Aye, you raged the whole day, and you were drunk, and I saw you took off, and you said, “I'll bet”, you said, “40 can, 40 sweetfarthings says I can't make it to that tree and back”, nobody spoke to even take the bet. And you ran and shit on your first step.

1:20:44 Amethar: The whole time, it was unreal, I'll tell you! Morris Brie: You were a beast back in the day! Amethar laughs.

1:20:49 Morris Brie: And I heard you are a beast still, is it true, all 12, you didn't lose a single guy?

1:20:52 Amethar: Not a single one. Morris Brie slams hand down.

1:20:53 Amethar: I mean, it was incredible.

1:20:55 Morris Brie: Well, I'll tell you this. If it was us, we would've sent damn more than 12. (Amethar and Morris Brie laugh together)

1:21:02 Morris Brie: Look, I'll say this. What we know is very little, all right? Most of our resources, you know that the Dairy Islands have never quite recovered after the war. Most of the fighting happened there, and… The Lady Primsy will be a good duchess one day. She's got her heart in the right place, she's a good young girl. But the fact remains that after Prince Tarthur died, we have not… There are houses that deliver their taxes late. We hear about pirate ships taking down merchant vessels and… We can't be sure if the lords are telling the truth or not. The reach of House Cheddar is much diminished.

1:22:02 Brennan: And you see that, go ahead and give me an Insight check, and if you're watching this as well, Murph, you can give me an Insight check as well.

1:22:12 Murph: 21.

1:22:12 Brennan: Jesus. You see Sir Morris Brie shoots a dirty fuckin' look over at Annabelle when he says, when he says the power of House Cheddar is much diminished, (mimics whooshing) shoots a look her way.

1:22:25 Amethar: Well. You know that the Dairy Islands will always, as long as I'm in power, have the allegiance of Candia.

1:22:35 Morris Brie: Sir, the Lady… Her Grace, the Lady of Lacramor has been told of your exploits since she was born, and there is not a girl or boy in the Dairy Islands that does not know what we owe to Candia.

1:22:56 Brennan: You see that Manta Ray Jack comes, has seen you guys talking and comes over and says,

1:22:59 Manta Ray Jack: (Scottish accent) Aye, are we talking about what is owed to Candia from the Dairy Islands? Amethar laughs.

1:23:05 Manta Ray Jack: You gave us a lot, and I'll tell you what. You didn't give more to anyone than you did that girl in the Far East Isles. (laughs)

1:23:12 Amethar: (lighthearted) Hey, Manta Ray, we don't talk about that.

1:23:14 Manta Ray Jack: No, I know, but you did—

1:23:16 Amethar: We're not supposed to.

1:23:17 Manta Ray Jack: I know what you did!

1:23:18 Amethar: I did, all right, okay!

1:23:20 Manta Ray Jack: Aye, he was fighting there for a long time, and His Majesty had to keep a little something stashed away--

1:23:25 Amethar: (jovially) Manta Ray! Manta Ray, please! Please!

1:23:30 Manta Ray Jack: Ah, it's all right. I had some stashed away meself, but I went back after the war, and she stabbed me.

1:23:36 Amethar: (taken aback) Oh. You got the scar still?

1:23:40 Manta Ray Jack: Aye, stabbed me in the stomach.

1:23:41 Amethar: Let me see it.

1:23:42 Manta Ray Jack: (pulls up shirt) She was a pirate!

1:23:43 Amethar: Oh, that's beautiful!

1:23:45 Manta Ray Jack: I didn't, I didn't put together that, you know, when I was a fightin' man and a soldier, her patriotism compelled her to find something rewarding in me character, and then after the war was over, she I guess grew tired of me. Amethar laughs.

1:23:58 Manta Ray Jack: And let me know with the sharp end of a knife. But that's love.

1:24:01 Amethar: That's love, hey, you know, there's a problem here. You don't have a drink. You don't have a drink— Manta Ray Jack laughs.

1:24:05 Amethar: You don’t have a drink. I don't have a drink.

1:24:07 Manta Ray Jack: That's right!

1:24:08 Brennan: You see Morris shakes his head, and you guys all go off to get a drink.

1:24:12 Ally: Can I go get some wine? I think I would just go--

1:24:15 Brennan: Yeah, go get some fuckin' wine, hell yeah!

1:24:17 Ally: Okay.

1:24:18 Ruby: Yeah, I want some wine.

1:24:19 Theobald: All right, everyone--

1:24:20 Ruby: This is all very intimidating, I want to have a glass of wine.

1:24:23 Theobald: Let's all sip. Let's all be--

1:24:25 Ally: I'm not able to read social cues very well, so in this case it works out well for me, 'cause I don't realize how intimidating it is.

1:24:32 Ruby: All right, Liam, we're gonna play a drinking game. You want to play a drinking game?

1:24:34 Liam: Okay!

1:24:35 Jet: Ooh.

1:24:35 Ruby: Okay.

1:24:36 Jet: I have tarot cards.

1:24:37 Ruby: Oh yes!

1:24:38 Liam: I'm saying yes because you started it with we! (Ruby laughs) What?

1:24:41 Ruby: Let's play a tarot card drinking game. Okay, so the card that you pull, whatever number is on it, you have to take that many sips.

1:24:53 Liam: Okay!

1:24:53 Ruby: Great.

1:24:55 Liam: 3,000.

1:24:56 Ruby: (laughs)  Wow, that's a tarot card?

1:24:58 Brennan: Are you over there with, (laughs) are you over there with Jet, by the, is Jet with these guys getting wine, or no?

1:25:03 Emily: Yes, I haven't decided, she's never had a sip of wine before.

1:25:07 Brennan: Ooh!

1:25:08 Emily: So I don't know if she's gonna have anything.

1:25:09 Brennan: That's right, you've only been having cola for the longest time.

1:25:12 Emily: Yeah.

1:25:14 Brennan: You hear a voice behind you say,

1:25:16 Voice: (French accent) Ma cherie!

1:25:18 Brennan: And you see a beautifully dressed avocado. (All laugh)

1:25:25 Brennan: With a little green face, waxed eyebrows, just a little bit of peach fuzz as a mustache, you see that he has a little green doublet with little yellow epaulets, and he strides over to you and says,

1:25:43 Avocado: Is it true, the Princess Jet Rocks?

1:25:48 Emily: I down my entire glass of wine. (laughter)

1:25:51 Siobhan: Oh!

1:25:54 Liam: (sipping) 1198, 1199...

1:25:57 Theobald: Everyone relax!

1:25:59 Liam: 1200! (Brennan laughs)

1:26:02 Jet: (unenthused) Thad.

1:26:03 Murph: I'm feeding Liam water.

1:26:05 Theobald: Water also.

1:26:06 Liam: Oh!

1:26:07 Theobald: Two sips of water for every sip—

1:26:07 Emily: In twinspeak, I say to Ruby,

1:26:10 Jet: He didn't age well, did he?

1:26:12 Ruby: No! This facial hair situation is very embarrassing for everybody involved.

1:26:17 Jet: The fuzz.

1:26:18 Ruby: Yes.

1:26:19 Thad: You are speaking a dialect of Candian that I do not understand.

1:26:23 Jet: Yes, so—

1:26:25 Ruby: My sister is so excited to meet you. She has been talking about this.

1:26:30 Jet: You know, I think something got mixed up, 'cause I meant to send you a letter back, and I might have sent you something instead.

1:26:38 Thad: (wiggling his eyebrows) I'm wearing them right now.

1:26:41 Emily: (laughing) Oh my God!

1:26:42 Thad: I had to get them taken out. Because my bottom is very wide.

1:26:49 Liam: I feel like water.

1:26:54 Jet: Cool, so what have you been up to, because, I mean, not a lot has changed physically, other than your upper lip.

1:27:03 Thad: Oh, you are regarding my mustache? (Emily laughs)

1:27:08 Jet: Yeah, I, ooh! Can I have my underwear back? (laughs)

1:27:14 Thad: Normally, that would be impossible, but because you are so clever, rip!

1:27:19 Emily: (laughs) Dear God.

1:27:20 Thad: I can give them back right now.

1:27:22 Jet: I have to—

1:27:23 Thad: (whispers) I have worn these for the past week.

1:27:26 Emily: Are there, are there torches?

1:27:27 Liam: (holding hand out) (friendly) I'm Liam!

1:27:28 Thad: Hello, Liam! My name is Thaddeus Strongpit, I'm the Viscount of the lands of Fructera, and it's very good to see you.

1:27:37 Liam: Yes, we'll see you!

1:27:39 Ruby: Thaddeus, where, where do the common people hang out?

1:27:45 Emily: In twinspeak I say,

1:27:45 Jet: You think he's gonna know? Do you see what a fuckin' turd this guy is?

1:27:50 Ruby: Look, who else do I ask?

1:27:53 Thad: The common people? I think they (pauses, pulls a confused expression) are in barns. (All laughing)

1:28:02 Ally: Is Annabelle Cheddar around, and can I drunkenly fall and land, and like—

1:28:06 Murph: I try to grab Liam before— (Ally mimics drunken yell)

1:28:10 Brennan: You see that, as you start to fall, you see that Annabelle twirls you around.

1:28:17 Liam: Oh!

1:28:18 Brennan: Into a dance move and says,

1:28:20 Annabelle: You all right, there? Looks like you can't hold your cups.

1:28:22 Liam: Oh yeah. I'm sorry about that.

1:28:26 Annabelle: It's all right! You're wearin' a full backpack full of pans and lanterns and such, and we're here in a fancy party.

1:28:33 Liam: Oh yeah, I'm always prepared, I grew up in the Great Stone Candy Mountains.

1:28:37 Annabelle: Aye, the Great Stone Candy Mountains, is that true? You're Joren Jawbreaker's boy.

1:28:42 Liam: Yeah, that's my dad.

1:28:44 Annabelle: Aye. Fearsome foe, I saw him once when I was a wee girl, only about four years of age.

1:28:50 Liam: Mm-hmm.

1:28:51 Annabelle: He was a mighty warrior.

1:28:53 Liam: That's cool.

1:28:54 Annabelle: Chin like a cliff.

1:28:56 Liam: Mm-hmm, yeah. Yeah, he, he gets mad pretty easily, so I always have to keep my seeds in a different room.

1:29:06 Annabelle: You have to do your what? Seed in a different room?

1:29:09 Liam: Well, yeah, yeah. I'm just like kind of, I'm really into, you know, growing stuff, and I like to keep a seed from each place that I go. Not a big war guy, that's what I'm trying to say.

1:29:21 Annabelle: Right. Well… I can't say anyone should be a big war guy.

1:29:27 Liam: Mm.

1:29:28 Annabelle: War is hell. Right, well, I'll tell you what.

1:29:34 Brennan: You see she looks over at you, Theo, and says,

1:29:35 Annabelle: Perhaps we should get the Young Master Wilhelmina to some sort of horizontal position. Liam hiccups.

1:29:42 Annabelle: Probably on his side.

1:29:45 Theobald: It's not a bad idea.

1:29:46 Ally: I'm drinking more wine.

1:29:47 Theobald: Liam, why don't we do water for a second.

1:29:50 Murph: Can I look over, I'm concerned now that I know that there might be some kind of rivalry within the Dairy Islands. Primsy Coldbottle is being hit on by a cheese dude?

1:30:04 Brennan: Yeah.

1:30:05 Murph: Do they have food in front of them or anything?

1:30:06 Brennan: Yeah, they have some food in front of them.

1:30:09 Murph: I would like to walk, I think I would like to maybe take Liam with me, and go over and sort of interrupt this—

1:30:20 Liam: (drunkenly) Where are we going?

1:30:22 Theobald: We're going to say hello.

1:30:24 Liam: (drunkenly) Okay!

1:30:24 Theobald: To the Duchess Primsy Coldbottle.

1:30:29 Liam: (drunkenly) I can't wait, I'm also, I'm a count. I'm Count—

1:30:35 Brennan: You walk over to Primsy Coldbottle, she says,

1:30:37 Primsy: Ah, hello there.

1:30:39 Brennan: You see that Sir Morris introduces you and Liam, she says,

1:30:42 Primsy: You're Liam Wilhelmina of the House of Jawbreaker!

1:30:45 Liam: (drunkenly) Mm-hmm, that's me, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

1:30:49 Ally: I put my hand up to her mouth, as though she was kissing my hand.

1:30:52 Brennan: She doesn't miss a beat. She kisses it very quickly, even though she clearly knows that that's not what's supposed to happen. (Emily laughs)

1:30:57 Liam: (drunkenly) It's good to meet you.

1:30:58 Primsy: Right, well, it's a pleasure to meet you as well, Liam.

1:31:01 Theobald: Duchess, may I ask who your friend is here?

1:31:04 Primsy: This is just my traveling companion, the Lord Stilton Curdeau.

1:31:09 Brennan: And you see that young Stilton looks over at you. Make another Perception check.

1:31:14 Murph: Sweet. (whispers) Please. (normal voice) Can Sprinkle help me?

1:31:18 Brennan: Yeah.

1:31:19 Murph: Sweet! Help me, Sprinkle. Yes! (claps) (Lou laughs)

1:31:25 Murph: 21. Thank you, Sprinkle.

1:31:27 Brennan: You see he looks up at you, and he says,

1:31:29 Stilton: (French accent) Hello, it is a pleasure to meet you.

1:31:33 Brennan: And you get a, it's been covered with a lot of rich Fructeran colognes, (sniffs) it's a familiar stink here.

1:31:41 Liam: (drunkenly) How old are you?

1:31:43 Primsy: Right, oh me?

1:31:44 Liam: No, sorry, talking to—

1:31:47 Stilton: I'm 17 years old.

1:31:48 Liam: Oh, cool! Me too.

1:31:52 Stilton: All right. So that's like something we have in common.

1:31:56 Liam: Yeah, totally, it feels like a—

1:31:58 Murph: I'd like to motion for the king.

1:32:01 Brennan: Amethar, what are you, what are you up to right now at this--

1:32:03 Lou: I think me and Manta Ray Jack are just—

1:32:05 Brennan: Going at it.

1:32:06 Lou: It's like seeing friends for the first time in a long time.

1:32:10 Brennan: Hell yeah. You, he's laughing it up. You look over, by the way, and catch Basha's eye, the meat lord. And he gives you a straight up fuckin' violent look. You just recognize a battlefield look, gives you a look, and goes back to talking with his meat people.

1:32:30 Amethar: Think Basha— Basha's worried about losing to me in the tournament tomorrow.

1:32:37 Calroy: Well, I don't think it's Basha you have to worry about. I think it's probably Scravoya, his wife.

1:32:43 Brennan: And you see that there's this steak giant who's got her huge ax over her shoulder.

1:32:46 Amethar: Oh yeah, they're all scared. My sister was stronger than all of them.

1:32:53 Brennan: You see that Calroy nods and says,

1:32:53 Calroy: Certainly. Did the Warlord of the Beef Clans just give you a dirty look across the floor of this banquet hall? Maybe we should go say hello?

1:33:06 Amethar: I mean… Yeah, yeah, we, yeah, let's do that.

1:33:10 Brennan: You see that Jack looks at you and says,

1:33:12 Manta Ray Jack: Right, I'll go for the legs, and when he drops, you get the head! (laughs)

1:33:16 Amethar: Manta Ray, stop it! You can't be doing that no more, I'm a king!

1:33:20 Manta Ray Jack: What can I be doing, I lived my life free on the open seas! Amethar laughs.

1:33:25 Brennan: You see that you head over, Calroy walks over to you. Which is sort of an immediate power move. You realize, Calroy's good at this shit. Someone shot you a dirty look, that can't be left to stand in the middle of this banquet, so you're gonna walk right over there and talk to him. Calroy walks up and says,

1:33:45 Calroy: My lord, Basha, Warlord of the Beef Clans, you look well.

1:33:48 Brennan: And you see Basha just interrupts him, and looks at you and says, (low, ominous music)

1:33:56 Basha: (Russian accent) Amethar of the House of Rocks, I hear you were attacked by cheese bandits on the road to Comida.

1:34:05 Amethar: That's correct, Ba— my lord.

1:34:08 Basha: They are perhaps wielding some Carnish weapons, they tie meat to themselves.

1:34:15 Amethar: Yes, but I mean, it was very clear that they were not of Carn. They were some kind of, we believe, pirates of the Dairy Islands.

1:34:25 Basha: Hmm, it is a very good thing that the Ceresian Imperial Infantry show up when they do.

1:34:33 Amethar: Well, we had things very under control before they even arrived.

1:34:37 Basha: Oh, I'm—

1:34:38 Amethar: Candia, though your prowess of course is known, Candia is strong as well.

1:34:48 Basha: I am sure that you have everything in control before they show up. (stares at Amethar for a second)

1:34:58 Amethar: (staring back) We do.

1:34:59 Basha: Dairy Islands and Candia are strongest alliance, only two nations that do not go to war in the Ravening. Seems like maybe you want to come to Comida with meat arrow broken off in your body, or some sort of meat attack that happen, and maybe if Commander Grissini don't find it, maybe the rumor spread that Meat Landers try to attack King of Candia, and put a stop to him.

1:35:32 Amethar: Watch your fuckin' mouth.

1:35:35 Brennan: Calroy goes,

1:35:35 Calroy: (cutting in) All right.

1:35:36 Amethar: When you talk to me.

1:35:41 Basha: (nods) I'll see you in the melee tomorrow, huh?

1:35:43 Amethar: Yeah. Yeah, you fuckin' will.

1:35:47 Brennan: (laughs) Calroy pulls you away from from Basha Myaso, who smiles and looks at you and begins to speak more to his wife and his other advisors. So they're sort of staying in a big corner of the room, speaking Carnish to each other. The Vegetanian envoy's very light here, looks like a lot of them might have gone with the Pontifex. But the Ceresians are having a big party and look generally very happy. You see that Constano and a lot of the imperial guards are talking with the sort of more formal Ceresian soldiers, who they rarely get a chance to see, some of them know each other from back in their homeland. You see, and then there's the Dairy Islanders that you've been paying of course close attention to, and then a lot of the local Fructerans. But you don't see anyone from House Uvano here. There's a lot of other lords and ladies of Fructera here, though. We are gonna cut over to the path up to the Great Pyramid of Food. Primogen Lapin, you have fallen into footsteps with the Pontifex, you hear catching up behind you is this Archbishop Oliver Onionpatch. You see a large guard around the Pontifex, even as she walks within the walls of the Pyramid itself. She walks alongside you. You see she says,

1:37:02 Pontifex: Primogen, have you had the fortune of making the acquaintance of Sir Deeproot? (gentle woodwing music)

1:37:08 Brennan: And you see that this guy in front of her is this incredible, tall, muscle-bound carrot paladin. Gleaming white armor, white cape with the Bulb on it. Huge, green, green-headed mace. You see he looks over and says,

1:37:26 Keradin: (deep voice) Your Grace.

1:37:29 Lapin: It is an honor to meet you. I don't think I've, we've met.

1:37:33 Keradin: In the light of the Bulb, an honor as always to meet an archbishop and primogen of the church. (Lapin nods)

1:37:40 Brennan: You see the Pontifex says,

1:37:43 Pontifex: (scoffs) Sir Keradin. The good primogen is not an archbishop, does not actually, how shall we say, administrate the church. Instead, he is a miracle worker, gifted with the light of the Bulb itself. His rank as primogen is not a result of his work as a bishop or archbishop. Instead, he has been blessed by the Bulb above.

1:38:11 Lapin: Yes, the Bulb saw fit to grant me certain powers, so that's why I'm here.

1:38:17 Brennan: Sir Keradin looks at you and says,

1:38:19 Keradin: Even more an honor, then, Your Grace.

1:38:22 Lapin: It's an honor to meet you! (laughs)

1:38:24 Keradin: If by my life or death I can protect you, I shall.

1:38:27 Lapin: Okay. (laughter)

1:38:33 Pontifex: It is a remarkable gift, miracle working has been lost to Calorum for so long. But to think that in the past half a century, Candia has seen two such incredible workers of miracles, both yourself and the king's sister, Saint Citrina.

1:38:53 Lapin: Yes, well, from what I've seen in Candia, everyone that I've crossed paths with, is quite touched by the Bulb. How are things in— (Zac laughs and looks at the map)

1:39:04 Brennan: Vegetania?

1:39:05 Lapin: How are things in Vegetania?

1:39:07 Pontifex: In Brightgarden, they are well, the church administers to the people, the Bulb shines above us. It is a sadness that King Cabbage could not be here, and had to send his son instead. He is infirm and… would not have taken well to the long journey from Greenhold.

1:39:29 Zac: Do I know that, that the king didn't actually come himself, or was...

1:39:32 Brennan: This is, this is, give me a Intelligence check.

1:39:37 Zac: 7.

1:39:41 Brennan: No, you didn't know that, this is a surprise to you.

1:39:43 Zac: Okay.

1:39:45 Lapin: Oh yes, I mean… I wish that the Bulb would see fit for some miracle to come to the king himself.

1:39:55 Pontifex: Yes, good King Belvedere, he is, (sighs) it pains him that he could not be here, but it is—

1:40:06 Zac: Is his name Belvedere Cabbage?

1:40:08 Brennan: Belvedere Cabbage, yes. You see she looks at you and says,

1:40:14 Pontifex: While none but the Bulb know what is to come, I think here in confidence of small council, we can say that it is unlikely that good old King Cabbage would have been named successor. So he has maintained the honor of his kingdom by sending his son, the prince, and… successorship shall be granted to the person that the Bulb shall choose.

1:40:41 Brennan: You see that Sir Keradin, eyes straight ahead, just goes,

1:40:44 Keradin: (intense) Amen.

1:40:48 Brennan: And you continue to walk along, and you get to the Great Pyramid of Food. You are joined there by a beautiful Ceresian woman, in a loose sort of one shoulder toga. You see she's got long sort of pasta flowing tresses, and these glowing white eyes. You, give me another, give me a flat Charisma check.

1:41:18 Zac: That would be a 23.

1:41:21 Brennan: You recognize that this is another primogen from Ceresia, she holds the ear of Senator Ciabatta, this is Primogen Alfredi. You see that she looks up and says,

1:41:32 Alfredi: (Italian accent) Ah, Your Holiness.

1:41:34 Brennan: Bows deeply.

1:41:35 Zac: I bow slightly deeper.

1:41:38 Brennan: She, the Pontifex Brassica lets her ring be kissed by Primogen Alfredi. She rises and says,

1:41:44 Alfredi: (Italian accent) Ah, and do I have the pleasure of knowing the primogen of Candia?

1:41:48 Lapin: You do.

1:41:49 Alfredi: Lapin Cadbury, I am the Primogen Alfredi, it is a pleasure.

1:41:53 Lapin: Alfredi, yes.

1:41:54 Alfredi: I understand we are to make an envoy from the church to pay our great mother cathedral's respects to the ailing emperor.

1:42:04 Lapin: Yes.

1:42:05 Zac: Sorry, so right now, we are just going to the temple to just—

1:42:10 Brennan: You're going to the Pyramid, where the emperor is, to sort of pay respects.

1:42:15 Zac: Oh, okay.

1:42:16 Brennan: But you see that the Pontifex says,

1:42:19 Pontifex: It is a pleasure and an honor to be in the company of two miracle workers, both Primogen Cadbury and Alfredi.

1:42:28 Brennan: You see that her eyes glow a little bit more, with this divine energy. Yeah, it's a rare, you see Alfredi's no joke, has some kind of divine magic around her.

1:42:38 Zac: So, okay, so I was about to say. And we've never met before.

1:42:42 Brennan: No, you have not.

1:42:45 Zac: Can I make an Insight check?

1:42:46 Brennan: Yeah, make an insight check.

1:42:52 Zac: That's an 8. (Siobhan blows raspberry)

1:42:54 Brennan: It occurs to you that, you know, the Bulbian Church has a stance against arcane magic. But it welcomes miracle working, right? So that presents a conundrum, because most people couldn't fuckin' tell one from the other if they tried, right? There's some aesthetic stuff, like ooh, purple smoke, seems arcane, or glowing eyes maybe seems divine. So you know, everything gets a little gray and mixed up in the wash, especially when you're talking about powerful people and what they can get away with. What you do know is that you're seeing real magic, and that means that Primogen Alfredi might be able to detect other magic as well. In other words, this might be someone you can't bullshit.

1:43:41 Zac: Yes, okay. That's what I assumed. (laughs) So I just, I'm just gonna nod to this, this other primogen and just sort of pretend I'm looking around, but sort of just walk a little bit further away.

1:43:58 Brennan: (laughs) Cool, are you just gonna kind of peel off as they start talking and going to the emperor? Is it a full peel off, or are you just—

1:44:04 Zac: No, no, no, I was, I just mean, I don't want to be standing right next to this person.

1:44:09 Brennan: Cool, go ahead and give me a deception roll.

1:44:13 Murph: This is what he was trying to avoid!

1:44:17 Zac: Jesus Christ. That's a 12.

1:44:20 Brennan: (laughs) You start sort of going away. You see that Sir Keradin turns to look at you and says,

1:44:27 Keradin: Your Grace, is everything all right? Have you spotted something over on that wall?

1:44:31 Lapin: No, I'm just taking in the sights of the city.

1:44:33 Keradin: An enemy of the faith?

1:44:34 Lapin: No, no, you can—

1:44:35 Keradin: In the wall?

1:44:36 Lapin: Everything seems, at this moment, perfect and fine. Keradin stares intensely.

1:44:41 Lapin: Relax. (Ally laughs)

1:44:44 Keradin: As you command, Your Grace. (grunts)

1:44:48 Zac: I just wanted to, is there, would it be, would it feel weird to just kind of continue on next to the Pontifex?

1:44:56 Brennan: No, not at all.

1:44:59 Zac: Just want to see if there's anything I can glean from their journey, or--

1:45:05 Brennan: Yeah, give me a flat Charisma check, and then tell, first, tell me what you're trying to glean, if anything.

1:45:13 Zac: Well, I think Lapin wants to know more about, this is a rare opportunity for him to be in the sort of inner circle of the higher ups of this church, 'cause Pontifex, is that, that's the highest, or—

1:45:26 Brennan: Belizabeth Brassica is the Hierophant Rex and Pontifex of the Bulbian Church. She is the fucking ruler of the church. She is, if not arguably as powerful as the Concordant Emperor, you could make an argument that she's more powerful than the Concordant Emperor, if you wanted to. She doesn't command any armies, but 95 percent of the people that know how to read work for her. So that's another way to think about that.

1:46:02 Zac: Okay, well, I want to just, I guess, make a Charisma check, and maybe just see if I can chat with her at all about the going ons of her trip here, and what her day-to-day is like. (laughs)

1:46:16 Brennan: Yeah, go for it, absolutely!

1:46:20 Zac: 27.

1:46:22 Brennan: Jesus! What skill were you using?

1:46:26 Zac: Charisma, I thought you said?

1:46:27 Brennan: Charisma, how did you get 27 with a flat Charisma check?

1:46:31 Zac: 18 and my, oh, I looked at Deception, sorry.

1:46:34 Brennan: No worries.

1:46:35 Zac: So that would be 18 plus five, so that's—

1:46:36 Brennan: 23, great. Cool. You see that she turns to you and says,

1:46:41 Pontifex: Yes, the affairs of Brightgarden are (sighs) fine as ever, it's been very disconcerting, the main business we've been trying to deal with was the murder of an archbishop in the Meat Lands. The Archbishop Radicca was killed, and… The good Lord Basha Myaso has said that he is on the hunt for the people responsible.

1:47:13 Lapin: I hope those who perpetrated such an act are judged by the Bulb.

1:47:23 Pontifex: The Bulb, my good primogen, shall judge them in due time. It is my hope that that time is brought soon.

1:47:33 Brennan: Primogen Alfredi actually looks at you and says,

1:47:37 Alfredi: I was administering to some of the common folk, Ceresians abroad in the imperial army. I was so saddened to hear that you were attacked on the Sucrosi Road coming from Candia.

1:47:49 Lapin: Yes, it was a horrible thing, we were attacked, but by the, you know, a miracle, no one was killed.

1:47:56 Alfredi: A miracle indeed. It seems that a miracle may have been witnessed as well. The soldiers spoke of a cloud of some sort, roiling purple mist, of course, in the fog of combat, no one can say, perhaps a trick of alchemy, or perhaps these Dairy bandits were using some sort of witchcraft.

1:48:21 Brennan: You see the Pontifex turns to look at the primogen and says,

1:48:23 Pontifex: Witchcraft? Abroad on an imperial highway?

1:48:28 Lapin: Hmm.

1:48:30 Brennan: You see Primogen Alfredi looks at you and says,

1:48:33 Alfredi: You of course are a worker of miracles, were you able to see, was this an intercession on behalf of the Bulb, or something darker and more mysterious?

1:48:43 Lapin: I believe that this was the Bulb shining down on us and protecting us in that moment. There was much going on, no one knows exactly what was happening, but it's hard for me to say.

1:48:57 Brennan: Go ahead and give me a Deception roll.

1:49:05 Zac: 14.

1:49:06 Brennan: You see she looks at you and says,

1:49:10 Alfredi: So interesting that an intercession of the Bulb would take that form, something sparkling and they said, lavender in hue, something of a color more like, se dice, the, oh, there is a legend of something from your homeland, I believe. Some false idol. A plum, sugar plum?

1:49:39 Lapin: Oh yes, the Sugar-Plum Fairy, yes.

1:49:42 Alfredi: Yes.

1:49:43 Lapin: We, there are, there's a deep history in Candia of different, you know, more primitive religions.

1:49:54 Brennan: As you do that, go ahead and give me a Persuasion check. (Lou groans)

1:50:01 Ally: You're getting grilled!

1:50:03 Siobhan: God, so many checks.

1:50:04 Zac: 25.

1:50:06 Emily: (relieved) Oh!

1:50:07 Brennan: You see that she, Alfredi is like, it's fucking with you that you can't see pupils and irises, you can't see her eyes dilate. You're not able to read her. Her expression is very guarded. You know that she's being playful, but you don't, it's like, but upon you saying that more primitive thing, you see the Pontifex looks over at you and says,

1:50:29 Pontifex: I am very glad to hear you say that, primogen. I trust that, in your role there as chaplain, you are counseling the king and the young princesses to help stomp out those more primitive and backwards ways, I would not wish to see the good people of Candia led down the path towards the Hungry One.

1:50:48 Lapin: Mm, it would never happen in my watch.

1:50:52 Brennan: She smiles, and you see that she actually puts a dainty hand on your arm, and takes a hold of your arm, as to steady her as she walks.

1:51:00 Zac: (sassy) See you, Alfredi! (laughs) I wouldn't think he actually said that.

1:51:12 Brennan: (laughs) You walk up, and you see a beautiful purple-skinned, green-haired Fructeran noblewoman. You see she's probably in her late 30s, this you would recognize as the Lady Plumbeline Uvano. This is the daughter of the emperor, who cannot inherit her father's title. You see, she looks up, she's gorgeous, she has that little thing of like, sort of like hair gelled, a little zig zag of fake sideburn gelled on the side of her hair. Like, a bun, sort of little fruit things through it, this very revealing Fructeran gown. She looks over and says, you see she looks over and says,

1:52:00 Plumbeline: (very French accent) Ah, Your Holiness.

1:52:03 Brennan: Bends down, kisses the hand of the Pontifex.

1:52:05 Plumbeline: My father is taken very ill. It is good for us to limit the amount of visitors he has at one time.

1:52:14 Brennan: She nods and says,

1:52:15 Pontifex: Good primogen, would you remain here in the waiting chamber while I pay the church's respects to the emperor?

1:52:20 Lapin: Of course.

1:52:21 Brennan: You see she walks inside with Pumbeline. Give me an Insight check on Plumbeline.

1:52:30 Zac: 21.

1:52:31 Brennan: Plumbeline looks pissed. You can just see, there's something, she's not thrilled.

1:52:36 Zac: I'm sitting here with her?

1:52:37 Brennan: No, she walks in with her to her father's bedchamber. You're there for a few minutes. It's very short, maybe, you know, five minutes. You're there with Alfredi, who seems wrapped in her own thoughts, and speaking to Sir Keradin. The Pontifex walks out, and smiles, and you see that she puts a hand on the shoulder of the Lady Plumbeline. She says,

1:53:02 Pontifex: I see you are dressed for the feast. You have done well to remain here by your father's side, but it's time for you to go and make merry.

1:53:17 Plumbeline: Your Holiness, this is Fructera. I am dressed for court. (Ally laughs)

1:53:24 Brennan: And the Pontifex takes this very subtle slight, and walks away with you. And has a very pleasant chat with you about some theology, matters of history, she asks how the young princesses are doing. But you see that Alfredi walks about 10 paces behind you, speaking with Sir Keradin, and then so you arrive back at the Cornucopian Hall.

1:53:47 Zac: Hmm. I make, you know, bow to the Pontifex and say that,

1:53:54 Lapin: I must rejoin the King of Candia, and make sure that everything is going well with my people.

1:54:02 Pontifex: I will confide in you, primogen. The Ravening War was a strange time. I myself was only a bishop when the war began, I was not promoted to archbishop until the war was almost concluded. (sighs) Candia's role in the Ravening War was great. The heroics of the House of Rocks are legendary in all of Calorum, and we all know the love that the Concordant Emperor has for your king. The Ravening War was also a strange time. There was an active miracle worker, clearly chosen of the Bulb, from the House of Rocks, and one whom rumors circulated about. Without saying anything untoward, it has always been clear to me that Candia had a choice of which path it would tread. And if you'll forgive a joke about you being a rabbit, I have never been more sure that Candia's path is surefooted.

1:55:21 Lapin: Hmm. (smiles)

1:55:23 Brennan: You see she nods, holds out her hand for you.

1:55:26 Zac: Uh, of course, kisses.

1:55:28 Brennan: And she turns to walk away. You walk back in the hall after the scuffle with Basha Myaso, and I'm gonna say that you guys, you see that the heralds are getting ready to announce the Grand Tournament, and you can kind of get together, the Tartguard are around. Lord Cruller and Lord Swirlie are, they're sort of, a little candy crew gets around your guys' banquet table.

1:55:51 Murph: I think I want to tell one of the trusted, maybe Brie or something, one of your cheese guys, to keep an eye on stinky cheese boy.

1:55:59 Brennan: Cool, who do you go talk to, 'cause there's Annabelle, there's Sir Morris Brie, and there is Manta Ray Jack.

1:56:07 Murph: Ah, shit, they might all be fuckin' bad guys, I don't know who is who.

1:56:10 Lou: I mean, Manta Ray Jack and Sir Morris Brie are—

1:56:13 Murph: I'm gonna talk to, I will just bring it up with the chancellor.

1:56:19 Liam: (drunkenly) Do you need someone—

1:56:20 Murph: I'm gonna bring it up to Lapin.

1:56:21 Liam: Do you need someone to keep an eye on someone?

1:56:24 Ruby: Liam, this is Thad.

1:56:26 Siobhan: Run away. (mimes running)

1:56:28 Thad: Ah, I have already met Liam. Tell me, Liam. I have come to woo the affections of—

1:56:39 Liam: Me?

1:56:40 Emily: I dunk my head in a cask of fruit wine.

1:56:45 Brennan: (laughs) You see Thaddeus looks at you and goes,

1:56:50 Thad: Look at her, she dunks her head into the barrel of wine. My love has made her crazy!

1:56:57 Liam: Huh. (making a realisation) Oh, oh! That, oh, you two!

1:57:01 Ruby: (to Jet) You got yourself into this.

1:57:02 Thad: Are you—

1:57:03 Ruby: You did this to yourself.

1:57:04 Thad: Can I ask, are you into it as well, or maybe no?

1:57:09 Liam: What?

1:57:10 Thad: Are you into me as well?

1:57:12 Liam: Oh no, no, I thought maybe you were, people are constantly hitting on me, honestly. It's kind of hard, 'cause I don't want—

1:57:19 Thad: I've been there, brother! (laughs) I tell you!

1:57:21 Theobald: My God, you two!

1:57:23 Liam: Yeah. Anyway, I mean,

1:57:26 Ally: I take out a seed, and I make it bloom into a flower.

1:57:29 Liam: Here. You can give that to her. It's peppermint. (holds out flower and waves it around) Catch it! Catch it.

1:57:36 Thad: Stop it, you're flirting.

1:57:37 Liam: I'm not flirting, I promise!

1:57:38 Thad: You kind of are.

1:57:39 Liam: (drunkenly) I'm not, I'm not good at talking, I don't even have any friends.

1:57:42 Ruby: I think Liam's flirting with him.

1:57:43 Emily: Can I give a help action— (laughter)

1:57:46 Brennan: I'm gonna need you to roll a Persuasion check with advantage.

1:57:51 Ally: Great, here we go!

1:57:52 Murph: You have such bad Charisma!

1:57:54 Ally: Okay! 12.

1:57:58 Thad: Why don't you hold your hand still and let me get that flower, you little trickster?

1:58:04 Liam: (laughs) (drunkenly) Okay, look, once again, I'm just trying to help out. I have no interest in romance, but I would like to be held. (Laughter)

1:58:12 Brennan: You see he's gonna reach out and attempt to grab it. He fails to grab it from you, and he goes,

1:58:19 Thad: Listen. What I lack in the ability to grab that flower, I have very much of an ability to grab something else?

1:58:29 Liam: (drunkenly) What? (laughs) Hard pass! (All laughing) Hard pass, brother, but here's the flower! Then I go get more wine!

1:58:40 Brennan: (laughs) He grabs the flower, and he comes over to you and he says,

1:58:44 Thad: Your Radiant Highness, a rose?

1:58:50 Jet: You know what? I'm actually so horny right now that I'm gonna— (All laughing)

1:58:57 Theobald: Princess Jet!

1:59:00 Ally: Just covered in wine. (laughter)

1:59:03 Zac: Your head's covered in--

1:59:04 Jet: Meet me in the alley, okay? I'll be right out.

1:59:06 Siobhan: Oh my God.

1:59:07 Thad: Ah! I want you to know something. I am a virgin, but I can make up for it, 'cause I'm very horny as well. (laughter, groans)

1:59:18 Jet: I can't wait, I'll go out there, and I'm gonna actually take about 30 minutes getting ready, but I want you to be in the alley.

1:59:26 Thad: I will wait in the alley all night. If need be, you take as much time as you need, because I will be there. Forever. If someone tries to move me, I will kill them. This is, as they say, my shot. (All laughing)

1:59:44 Emily: I think all of my reproductive organs just shrivel and die.

1:59:55 Brennan: Cool. (laughs) You see Thaddeus says,

1:59:59 Thad: Until then, mi amor.

2:00:01 Brennan: And skips outside.

2:00:03 Emily: I puke into the same cask that I just put my head in.

2:00:06 Brennan: Cool!

2:00:07 Murph: Maybe as everybody's coming together, I'd like to encourage the king,

2:00:12 Theobald: Why not have some of our friends from the Dairy Kingdom, why don't we all stand together?

2:00:19 Amethar: (stammers) Sir Brie?

2:00:20 Morris Brie: Right, sir.

2:00:21 Amethar: Milady Coldbottle, it would be an honor for the, us from Candia to stand beside our allies. For the announcement of the tournament.

2:00:30 Brennan: You see that they look around, and you see that Sir Brie says,

2:00:35 Morris Brie: Aye, that means a great deal, sir.

2:00:38 Brennan: Anyone can make an Insight check that wants to.

2:00:45 Murph: 22.

2:00:46 Siobhan: 17.

2:00:47 Brennan: You look at Sir Morris Brie, and what you see in his eyes, in that moment is, they basically think that because Candia, which is, you know, beloved by the emperor, because they were attacked by people that were discovered to be Dairy bandits, they basically were like, well, we're fucked. Everyone thinks we're rats.

2:01:04 Murph: Okay.

2:01:05 Brennan: Basically, in his eyes, he was like—

2:01:07 Murph: He looks relieved?

2:01:08 Brennan: Yeah, it's like we already had a 16 year old child that was going to—

2:01:13 Murph: Yeah.

2:01:14 Brennan: Try to, and now there's no shot for her if everyone thinks that we tried to fuckin' ice, it's like, to the whole world it looks like, oh, we tried to ice the first choice guy, and you see that, when you're like, let's stand together, he takes it as a token of goodwill to say to all the other kingdoms, the alliance is still strong, and you see he looks genuinely touched. And you guys stand together.

2:01:40 Ally: Is that Stilton, or that's—

2:01:42 Brennan: That's Sir Morris Brie, who's an advisor, and he's a knight that is an attendant to the Duchess Coldbottle.

2:01:47 Ally: Cool.

2:01:49 Amethar: Lady Coldbottle, have you ever seen a tournament?

2:01:52 Primsy: I'm, no, I'm afraid not. I've never seen anything this grand. Lacramor, we have, we'll have a joust, but because the castle is built in on the island, the jousting lane is not that long, so the ponies, they sort of, you know, they don't get to charge that long.

2:02:11 Ruby: It's our first tourney, too.

2:02:13 Primsy: Really?

2:02:14 Jet: Yeah.

2:02:16 Primsy: Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you as well, I'm the Duchess Coldbottle, Your Highnesses, it's a pleasure and an honor.

2:02:20 Brennan: She bows. You see that she looks at you, and says,

2:02:25 Primsy: Oh, I brought these.

2:02:27 Brennan: And you see she reaches in, and takes out beautiful little embroideries made out of milk silk, which is a liquid fabric that kind of moves. And you see that it has a little candy cane crossed with a piece of cheese on a toothpick.

2:02:46 Lou: (holding his heart) Oh, my heart!

2:02:47 Brennan: And it's just a little embroidery made out of this cool alchemical liquid fabric.

2:02:52 Ruby: It's beautiful!

2:02:53 Jet: This is amazing!

2:02:54 Liam: There's one for me, right?

2:02:56 Primsy: Oh, I'm so embarrassed, I'm dreadfully sorry!

2:03:00 Liam: Oh!

2:03:01 Primsy: No, that's terrible, I'll—

2:03:03 Liam: Please, no way! I've just been included on so much, I thought maybe I just had a winning streak, get me—

2:03:08 Brennan: She, you see that yours have your house words on them that say "In Sweetness There is Strength," and you see she says,

2:03:16 Primsy: Here, this is my own personal for you. I'll give you my favor, if you agree to,

2:03:22 Brennan: And she sees your crossbow,

2:03:23 Primsy: Join the archery competition tomorrow. (Liam laughs in surprise)

2:03:26 Primsy: Will you fight for me?

2:03:29 Liam: (laughs) Okay, yeah, definitely!

2:03:32 Brennan: She reaches in, takes out a little milk silk handkerchief, and you see it has a little wedge of cheddar cheese on it, and the house words of House Cheddar, "Keep Sharp."

2:03:44 Liam: Wow.

2:03:45 Lou: I clap Liam on the back hard.

2:03:48 Amethar: That's my boy!

2:03:49 Liam: (to Jet) Is this underwear?

2:03:51 Jet: It could be—

2:03:51 Liam: No, right?

2:03:53 Jet: It could be.

2:03:54 Ruby: Did we bring presents for other people—

2:03:55 Brennan: Anyone that wants to, give me an Insight check.

2:03:57 Siobhan: Yep.

2:03:58 Ally: Absolutely.

2:03:59 Emily: I got a nat 1.

2:04:00 Siobhan: Ooh, I got an 8?

2:04:02 Emily: I'm rolling a lot of 1’s.

2:04:03 Murph: Just 13.

2:04:04 Siobhan: Throw that die in the—

2:04:05 Ally: Nine.

2:04:05 Brennan: Anyone beat a 15? No?

2:04:07 Siobhan: No.

2:04:08 Brennan: Wow.

2:04:08 Siobhan: Oh shit. Can I roll for Yak?

2:04:12 Brennan: Sure, roll for Yak.

2:04:13 Zac: You don't get a help with—

2:04:14 Murph: I did, and I rolled a 10 and a one.

2:04:16 Siobhan: Oh yeah, I didn't, I've gotta roll--

2:04:18 Brennan: Yak can give you help, yeah.

2:04:19 Siobhan: Great. Well, I got a 10.

2:04:21 Ally: Preston, help me out. Wait, that's an 11.

2:04:25 Emily: I made a sock puppet, can the sock puppet give me a help action?

2:04:27 Brennan: Okay! So you see that the heralds, the trumpets blare, (mimics trumpet fanfare).

2:04:35 Heralds: Announcing the Grand Tournament of the Concordant Emperor, called by his Imperial Majesty, Gustavo Uvano, first of his name! Tomorrow shall be feasting and bouts, feats of melee and combat, and a great joust!

2:04:55 Brennan: You see they continue to announce the tournament, they announce the three boons of the winners of these various tournaments. The winner of the Grand Melee shall receive a boon from the Concordant Emperor, a passing boon at the end of his rule. They announce that the winner of the archery competition will be given a seat on the Cornucopian Council and made Master of Arrows and advisor to the next emperor for the entirety of their rule. And they announce that the winner of the joust shall be able to name a candidate for consideration as emperor from any class, highborn, lowborn, the winner of the joust may name any candidate they wish for consideration as successor and Concordant Emperor.

2:05:56 Emily: Whoa.

2:05:57 Brennan: A imperial courier arrives at your side, or arrives actually at your side, and says,

2:06:05 Courier: Sir Gumbar, the Concordant Emperor has requested an audience with the king.

2:06:16 Murph: I motion for the king to join us.

2:06:19 Amethar: Yeah, what's up—

2:06:22 Theobald: I think the emperor would like an audience with you.

2:06:25 Amethar: Oh, fantastic. Lapin?

2:06:28 Lapin: Yes.

2:06:29 Amethar: Theobald? Jet?

2:06:32 Jet: Oh!

2:06:33 Amethar: Ruby?

2:06:34 Ruby: Yes.

2:06:35 Amethar: Liam, you'll come but don't talk.

2:06:38 Liam: That's a soft inclusion. (laughter)

2:06:42 Amethar: Well, let's head over.

2:06:44 Brennan: Cool. First of all, but you guys do see though, you see Calroy and nods, you guys are going.

2:06:50 Amethar: Oh, Cal, you'll come too.

2:06:52 Brennan: Cal gives you the thumbs up. Do you guys, do any of you guys put your names on the lists for the Grand Tournament?

2:06:58 Siobhan: I'll put my name on the archery list.

2:07:00 Liam: Archery please! And thank you, Primsy.

2:07:03 Murph: I'll do the jousting.

2:07:05 Zac: I don't think I could be good at any of 'em. (laughs)

2:07:07 Emily: I'd like to do something, I don't know what I would be good at, and also, everyone keeps telling me that I need to know my place better, so my confidence—

2:07:14 Amethar: Jet, do you want to do the tournament?

2:07:16 Jet: Yeah!

2:07:17 Amethar: Do the fuckin' tournament!

2:07:18 Jet: Everyone keeps telling me—

2:07:19 Ruby: No, I believe in you, I believe in you. I’m doing it.

2:07:21 Amethar: I mean, it's all sparring, nobody's going to get killed.

2:07:25 Liam: Jet, I 100 percent believe in you.

2:07:27 Ruby: Yeah!

2:07:28 Emily: I don't— should I do jousting?

2:07:30 Lou: What are the--

2:07:31 Emily: Or melee, what is the passing boon?

2:07:32 Ally: Melee!

2:07:33 Brennan: A boon is like, it's like a non-magical wish. It's like, I will do anything for you that is within my power to do.

2:07:40 Emily: Can I make them pass something into law?

2:07:43 Brennan: Yeah, theoretically.

2:07:45 Siobhan: Ah!

2:07:46 Emily: I don't know whether I should do the melee or the joust. A joust, I would require a mount, right? And Sprinkle will probably be busy with you? (Siobhan laughs)

2:07:54 Amethar: Jet! Enter the melee with me.

2:07:57 Jet: Okay, dad!

2:07:58 Amethar: Let's do it.

2:07:59 Emily: I put my name on the melee.

2:07:59 Ally: I have a question. Is Duchess Coldbottle, is that the person who, how old is she?

2:08:07 Brennan: She's 16. She's a year younger than you.

2:08:09 Ally: Oh, cool, cool.

2:08:11 Siobhan: Annabelle is the other one.

2:08:12 Brennan: Yeah, Annabelle's off in a corner, looking forlorn. You see, and then Lapin doesn't sign up for anything?

2:08:20 Zac: There's nothing, I mean, nothing would fit his—

2:08:24 Emily: Join the melee.

2:08:24 Murph: You could get in the melee.

2:08:25 Emily: Join the melee.

2:08:26 Zac: But I can't cast spells in front of these people.

2:08:28 Murph: (whispers) That's true.

2:08:29 Jet: Can I borrow Sprinkle for the melee?

2:08:32 Theobald: It would be my honor to—

2:08:32 Jet: What, really? Yes! (laughs)

2:08:37 Brennan: Lovely.

2:08:38 Murph: Can I check their little things?

2:08:40 Brennan: There's clearly a thing in the tournament that unfortunately, familiars and pets are not able to come and help.

2:08:46 Jet: Can I have him cheer me on?

2:08:49 Theobald: Of course, yes, he'll be your little cheering section.

2:08:52 Brennan: Well, I think it's actually, it's reasoning it out, I'm not trying to be a dick to you. Reasoning it out, they wouldn't let you take your dog on your back when you were in a joust.  But if you wanted to have your hawk on your shoulder while you were doing archery, that makes a little bit more sense.

2:09:06 Murph: Cool.

2:09:08 Brennan: But not in the melee or the joust.

2:09:09 Murph: Sure.

2:09:10 Siobhan: Can I take a closer look at this piece of silk, maybe do an Arcana check on it?

2:09:16 Brennan: Do an Arcana check on it.

2:09:17 Siobhan: Great. Oh, I got a 22.

2:09:22 Brennan: It's alchemical, but not magical.

2:09:24 Siobhan: Okay.

2:09:25 Brennan: It looks like a sweet little embroidery that this, the vibe you get from Primsy is one of like—

2:09:33 Siobhan: Sheltered?

2:09:34 Brennan: Sheltered, and she wanted to make an embroidery for the two cool girls that she would know that were near her age.

2:09:40 Emily: Can I, can I take a piece of wood and use my rapier to slash, "The Dairy Islands rule!" into it, and give it back to her?

2:09:50 Siobhan: Yeah, and I'll use my lantern to burn it a little bit.

2:09:53 Emily: Yeah.

2:09:54 Brennan: The-- (laughs) You give it to her, and she says--

2:09:56 Jet: It's for when you eat al fresco, it's sort of a place mat.

2:09:59 Brennan: You see she looks at it and says,

2:10:01 Primsy: Right, this is so charming. I really appreciate it.

2:10:04 Brennan: She takes it.

2:10:05 Ruby: It's from both of us.

2:10:07 Liam: It's from me too.

2:10:09 Brennan: I'm gonna ask you both to, I'm gonna ask you guys to all make charisma checks with disadvantage, if you'd—

2:10:13 Siobhan: Oh no!

2:10:16 Ally: Hell yeah.

2:10:17 Siobhan: Oh, a 9?

2:10:19 Emily: I got a 16.

2:10:21 Ally: 16 as well.

2:10:23 Brennan: With disad—

2:10:23 Ally: With disadvantage. I rolled a 19 and an 18.

2:10:26 Siobhan: I got a 9.

2:10:27 Brennan: So she looks genuinely touched.

2:10:29 Ally: I'm drunk enough to be charismatic.

2:10:30 Brennan: Yeah, she actually looks like, she knows that you didn't have anything to do with it, but she looks at you two, and she is, you can see that what could have been an insult, in terms of how hastily it was made, instead she's like, “perhaps this is what's cool?”

2:10:45 Ally: I hatch two seed flowers in my hands and like,

2:10:47 Liam: These as well!

2:10:48 Brennan: Cool, you get a couple looks for doing a little bit of magic. But it's just seed flower divine stuff, so it's all groovy. So you guys sign up on the lists, and you head off to the Food Pyramid. As you arrive at the Great Pyramid of Food, you arrive at the little antechamber, you've been here before, and you see the Lady Plumbeline here as well, the countess, you see—

2:11:12 Ally: The hot one?

2:11:13 Brennan: The hot one, yeah. Sort of like, again, purple skin, green hair. She had a red dress on, locket with the symbol of House Uvano on it.

2:11:24 Emily: I just want to say, I stealthed, so in case we walk by the alley that Thad—

2:11:28 Siobhan: Oh yeah.

2:11:30 Brennan: Give me a Stealth check?

2:11:31 Murph: Oh no!

2:11:34 Emily: That's gonna be a 26.

2:11:37 Ally: Hey!

2:11:38 Brennan: Primo. You see him out there, you see, (laughs) he's out there just going like,

2:11:44 Thad: (heavy breathing) All right, this is it. The big one. (laughter)

2:11:50 Jet: He was hot when we were younger, right?

2:11:52 Ruby: Yeah, when he was 8 and we were 8. Maybe in a few years he'll be hot again? I don't want to risk it.

2:11:58 Jet: I'm not going to risk— Ruby No.

2:12:00 Brennan: You guys arrive at the Great Pyramid of Food, the Lady Plumbeline looks at you and says,

2:12:02 Plumbeline: Ah. Y

2:12:05 Brennan: You remember, she was like, yeah, a teenager.

2:12:11 Lou: Yeah.

2:12:12 Brennan: During the Ravening War. So you had met her before, she says,

2:12:16 Plumbeline: Ah, Your Majesty.

2:12:17 Amethar: My lady.

2:12:19 Plumbeline: It is an honor to have you once again in Comida.

2:12:21 Amethar: Quit that! So good to see you!

2:12:24 Brennan: She leans over, gives you a kiss on both cheeks, and says,

2:12:29 Plumbeline: My father is not well, and it would be for the best if we would limit the amount of visitors.

2:12:36 Amethar: Then—

2:12:37 Liam: Guess it's just me and you. (Brennan laughs)

2:12:41 Amethar: Theobald? Lapin, will you join me in the chambers?

2:12:45 Zac: Can I make an Insight check on her?

2:12:47 Emily: This is her chance.

2:12:48 Brennan: Huh?

2:12:49 Zac: Should I make an Insight check—

2:12:50 Brennan: Yeah, an Insight check, go for it.

2:12:51 Zac: I just want to see if she's mad at us.

2:12:53 Brennan: Cool, go for it.

2:12:56 Zac: Ooh. That is a 24.

2:12:59 Brennan: She is not less or more mad than before. You think she's just mad. And with a 24 Insight check, you're looking at a brilliant, beautiful, competent woman who has grown up in Comida, knows the workings of the empire backward and front, and can't be empress.

2:13:26 Murph: I want to slip Sprinkle to Jet, as we walk away.

2:13:31 Theobald: I trust you, Princess Jet.

2:13:34 Jet: I will treat this great steed with the respect that he deserves.

2:13:39 Theobald: I also trust you, Princess Ruby.

2:13:42 Ruby: I will treat everything with the respect that it deserves.

2:13:49 Siobhan: I immediately break something. (Emily laughs)

2:13:52 Theobald: So Count Liam, of course.

2:13:53 Liam: Yes!

2:13:55 Brennan: You guys walk into the massive, resplendent, glorious bedchambers, and you see a man who's only in his 60s. Very much in his last few days. He looks up, he is, the man you knew was like a debonair, incredible warrior, he was a dexterity-based warrior, so he was not a jacked guy, but there was nobody faster with a bow, and you knew him, he was a wit, an incredible diplomat, an incredible tactician. You remember the cheer that went up from your troops when he shot the arrow that killed Focaccia, and you remember that the first arms around your shoulder when you saw your sister's body were his. And the things he told you there, in quiet, meant more to you in that moment than you can remember, and you see a pale reflection of that man look up, a little grape head, with a little graying mustache. The purple of his skin faded. He looks up, and this is the Emperor of the Concordant Empire and the architect of 20 years of peace.

2:15:23 Gustavo: (weakly, French accent) Ah, Amethar. My old friend.

2:15:28 Amethar: My emperor.

2:15:29 Gustavo: Oh! I, yes, your emperor. But I know of those two titles of friend and emperor, which one I am more grateful for.

2:15:42 Amethar: Oh, stop! What was going on, man? Last time I saw you, you were still kicking, what is this?

2:15:51 Gustavo: Too much good living, I suppose.

2:15:53 Amethar: (laughs) That's about right.

2:15:58 Gustavo: (coughing) I suppose you have already enlisted in the Grand Melee. Trying to cut a few bloodlines short tomorrow with a blunted sword, eh?

2:16:12 Amethar: Ah, stop, stop! I'm a king now. Can't do the things I used to do.

2:16:17 Gustavo: That is not what I heard, I heard there are 12 Dairy bandits—

2:16:21 Amethar: Oh, stop!

2:16:23 Gustavo: Who might beg to differ.

2:16:24 Amethar: Oh, okay, the word's getting 'round? I mean, I don't hate that. (laughs)

2:16:30 Brennan: He looks at you and says, (mimics sigh) and you watch his thoughts wander away. You had a 24 on that Insight, right?

2:16:41 Zac: Yes.

2:16:42 Brennan: Plumbeline doesn't look mad right now. You see that her eyes water a little bit as she looks at her dad kind of not be present, and you probably feel the sadness of watching someone who's, in addition to his body, his mind is starting to go a little bit.

2:16:58 Lou: Can I kneel down and get even closer?

2:17:00 Brennan: Yeah, you get really close. A feeble hand, the hand that killed the Imperator of Ceresia, wraps, very dry, no Fructeran moisture, wraps around your massive hand. He says,

2:17:20 Gustavo: This is the moment I have dreaded most. Not death, you know. You and me, we are alike. It does not scare me.

2:17:31 Amethar: Never.

2:17:33 Gustavo: What lives on scares me, Amethar. This empire works, it runs, and there are many people,

2:17:47 Brennan: And his eyes warmly go over to his daughter.

2:17:50 Gustavo: There are many people who will continue to serve to make sure it runs well. It does not need all the cleverness in the world, all of the skill, or technique. But it does need a good heart. Amethar, do you… (labored breaths) If… If your life were to take a surprising turn, if you were asked to perform a great service for the people of Calorum, do you think you would have it in you to do so?

2:18:48 Amethar: For most people, no. For a man who I watched piss and shit himself, (all laughing) in the trenches of Ceresia, I will do what is necessary.

2:19:11 Brennan: You see he smiles and says,

2:19:12 Gustavo: That's not fair. I had them put up a tent, and you and Manta Ray Jack lifted the side of the tent—

2:19:18 Amethar: Damn right we did!

2:19:20 Gustavo: Hundreds of soldiers saw my wiener. (All laughing)

2:19:24 Brennan: You see he laughs a little bit. Lady Plumbeline raises an eyebrow, and is kind of over it, and you see he says,

2:19:32 Gustavo: I'm going to get you for that.

2:19:35 Amethar: Yeah.

2:19:36 Gustavo: And I think, after the joust, when the last candidate I have to consider is named, I think I know exactly how I'm going to get my revenge on you for that prank. And I think my prank is going to last a lot longer.

2:19:52 Amethar: I would hit you so hard, if I didn't think it would kill you.

2:19:57 Gustavo: (laughing) Guards, help! Amethar laughs.

2:20:01 Brennan: You see he smiles and says,

2:20:05 Gustavo: Best of luck in the melee tomorrow, and this is the answer I have most longed to hear.

2:20:14 Brennan: He squeezes weakly on your hand, and you and your advisors step from the room. The Lady Plumbeline closes the door as you step out, and we will pick up the next day at the Grand Tournament. That's all for this week on A Crown of Candy!

2:20:37 Siobhan: Ooh, I'm gonna shoot some stuff!

2:20:39 Brennan: Yeah, we're not even gonna roll initiative. Yeah, sorry, no rolling initiative. We'll do that, we'll do that next week. For the first time in Dimension 20, we'll roll initiative next week.

2:20:46 Lou: What?

2:20:47 Siobhan: All right, all right.

2:20:48 Brennan: It's not a real fight, it's a fuckin' tournament! What do you want?

2:20:50 Siobhan: I don't believe a word of it. (Brennan winks at camera) [NEXT EPISODE - Episode 4: The Grand Tournament] [NEXT TIME ON DIMENSION 20]

2:20:52 Brennan: It's not a real battle. It's a Grand Tournament.

2:20:56 Ally: Sure!

2:20:57 Siobhan: Alright, okay.

2:20:58 Brennan: We have boxes for lords and ladies, the Pontifex herself is there.

2:21:03 Scravoya: (Russian accent) I'm going to put you into the dirt.

2:21:06 Lou: Why does everyone want to kill Amethar? I'm just a king.

2:21:09 Brennan: Riding in the chariot, you guys move past each other. Liam gets his a little bit closer. Bam! (gasps)

2:21:15 Siobhan: Son of a bitch!

2:21:16 Emily: Two nat 20s, two nat 20s, two nat 20s, go! (laughter)

2:21:19 Lou: Oh my God!

2:21:21 Lapin: Oh, we're all going to die! (laughter)

2:21:21 Captions extracted by: matthew#2131

2:21:21 Edited by: matthew#2131, gluegunshots, rowan solsys