The Grand Tournament

0:00:19 Brennan: Hello, one and all and welcome back to Dimension 20, A Crown of Candy! I am your humble dungeon master, Brennan Lee Mulligan. With me as always, are our intrepid heroes, say hi intrepid heroes.

0:00:29 Heroes: Hi, intrepid heroes!

0:00:31 Brennan: For the first time in Dimension 20 history, we're going to a battle set and we haven't even rolled initiative yet! (crowd gasp) We’ll do that in a moment, but also, it's not a real battle. It's a Grand Tournament.

0:00:37 Ally: Sure.

0:00:44 Siobhan: Yeah, we believe you.

0:00:46 Murph: Yeah, whatever dude.

0:00:47 Ally: Sure!

0:00:48 Siobhan: Alright, okay.

0:00:49 Brennan: What, the boon, and naming a candidate, and a seat on the Cornucopian Council isn't enough to give this stakes?

0:00:56 Emily: Yeah, there's a literal steak (referring to Scravoya Myaso).

0:00:57 Brennan: There is a literal steak.

0:00:58 Brennan: Speaking of which, we see a tourney ground laid out before you. We have boxes for Lords and Ladies, the Imperial box for extremely important royalty, nobility. The Pontifex herself is there. Oh, we have livery area feasting and armory, vendors and merchants, facing off in this bout, we have Sir Theobald Gumbar of Candia facing off against the Lady Plumbeline Uvano, whose hair is no longer up in a bun, but flowing freely behind her, out from under her helmet, the symbol of house Uvano on her shield, her lance in her hand. Here we have four archers, Liam Wilhelmina of Candia, the princess Ruby Rocks of Candia, the Lord Citron of Fructera and the Lady Freccia of Ceresia. So you got a banana and a spaghetti lady. (laughing)

0:01:54 Ally: Aw, the banana’s cute. He looks just like the bow, but opposite.

0:01:57 Emily: Love the banana archer.

0:01:59 Brennan: Yes. Fructerans are incredible archers. We have two melee bouts going on at the same time. In this melee bout, we have here, a Vegetanian knight, we have Captain Annabelle Cheddar. We have—

0:02:15 Emily: Oh, that's not french fries, that's Annabelle Cheddar?

0:02:17 Brennan: No that's french fries, that's a veggie knight. This is Captain Annabelle Cheddar.

0:02:23 Siobhan: So cool.

0:02:24 Emily: That’s tough to go up against.

0:02:25 Ally: The hot one?

0:02:26 Brennan: Yeah. Do you want to check it out?

0:02:28 Lou: How hot’s that mini, dude? (cast shouting)

0:02:31 Siobhan: Yeah, let’s see that mini! Baby, that’s a hot mini.

0:02:33 Ally: The bone structure, the confidence—

0:02:34 Lou: You need to calm down with that sexy plastic.

0:02:38 Ally: She looks like she would just listen for hours. (Lou laughing)

0:02:41 Zac: Something about that sword makes me-

0:02:43 Ally: Something about that sword pointed right at me-

0:02:44 Emily: (incredulously) Listen for hours?

0:02:45 Brennan: We have, Lord Commander Constano Grissini, who you met on the road, he's competing.

0:02:47 Emily: He’s in there?

0:02:50 Brennan: He is right next to you.

0:02:51 Emily: So many fucking familiar faces.

0:02:54 Brennan: It's a grand tournament of the nobility of Calorum.

0:02:57 Ally: You're in the hot ring.

0:02:58 Siobhan: Yeah, you’re in the sexy ring.

0:02:59 Ally: In there with french fries- (murmurs)

0:03:02 Emily: We should just drop our weapons—

0:03:05 Brennan: And princess Jet Rocks of Candia. (Emily and Lou cheering) In this melee ring, there's Sir Keradin Deeproot of Vegetania, a paladin of the Bulbian church. A Ceresian gladiator. We have, Scravoya Myaso, the Lady of the Meat Lands and King Amethar of the House of Rocks. Over here, watching Jet’s fight, we have Lord and Lady Cruller, who are escorting the young Duchess of the Dairy Islands, Primsy Coldbottle. You see that, Primsy goes,

0:03:46 Primsy: Right, you'll give it to them, Jet, I know you will!

0:03:49 Emily: I take out the scarf she gave me, like the needle work she gave me and like do a strip dance.

0:03:54 Brennan: (chuckles) Waving it around. (murmurs)

0:03:56 Ally: I do the same thing.

0:03:57 Brennan: She says,

0:03:57 Primsy: You're my champion, Liam! Don't forget you're doing this for Candia and the Dairy Islands!

0:04:02 Liam: Yeah, I certainly am!

0:04:06 Brennan: And in the Imperial box, we see, Lord and Lady Swirlie, the Primogen Alfredi, Basha Myaso looking at his wife, the consort of the Lady Plumbeline, the Lord Consort Rufus Applebottom, senators Semolina and Ciabatta of Ceresia, Prince Nezemiah Cabbage and Princess Maisy Cabbage and the Pontifex herself, Belizabeth Brassica. And in the middle of all of this incredibly politically important box is Chancellor and Primogen Lapin Cadbury. We'll start even before we roll initiative—

0:04:51 Emily: I have a quick question.

0:04:52 Brennan: Yeah, go for it.

0:04:53 Emily: I almost hesitate to ask, is Thad here?

0:04:57 Brennan: Thaddeus is— Roll a flat Intelligence check for me if you’d be so kind.

0:05:02 Emily: 13, oh, Intelligence, 14.

0:05:05 Brennan: To the best of your knowledge, Thaddeus is still in the alley. It's the next day.

0:05:11 Murph: Oh no! (laughter)

0:05:13 Brennan: It’s the next day.

0:05:15 Ally: Just jerking off in the alley.

0:05:15 Lou: Absolutely raging in that alley.

0:05:16 Brennan: It is the first day of Brightdusk in the year 1215 in the Arugulan calendar, the year of our Bulb, and there's merrymaking and feasting, a grand tournament. Some people here are very nervous, other people are very excited, it’s a big ol’ party. There's some commoners in the commoner areas that are like “wow, yeah” cheering, got some Tartguard hanging around as well. And this little corner, King Amethar and his two daughters, due to placement, have ended up all next to each other.

0:05:44 Murph: I do want to say I told- I filled the group in on everything I learned last night about the stinky cheese boy.

0:05:50 Brennan: Cool.

0:05:55 Murph: It was— so I definitely told King Amethar.

0:05:57 Brennan: You told him about-

0:05:57 Murph: I warned the kids too.

0:06:00 Brennan: Warn the kids about it as well—

0:06:01 Siobhan: Is he there? He doesn’t seem to be there, right?

0:06:03 Brennan: Would you have told, would that have been like a group-wide thing of like?

0:06:07 Murph: I would have told Calroy too.

0:06:09 Brennan: Calroy hears you say the cheese boy thing. And he's like,

0:06:11 Calroy: Ah, I think it would behoove us if I were to become an extremely dear fatherly benefactor to the Duchess Coldbottle, I'll be back later.

0:06:21 Brennan: And you see that he just peels off and literally shows up with her. They like... he and his... you see that his wife is like doting on her and they've taken her shopping and have really been, like, working to keep her away from the dude you described to them.

0:06:36 Murph: Awesome.

0:06:37 Brennan: Without further ado, if everyone here would roll initiative.

0:06:41 Murph: Oh no!

0:06:44 Siobhan: Jesus Christmas.

0:06:44 Emily: 19!

0:06:47 Siobhan: Nat 1.

0:06:48 Murph: 6.

0:06:49 Siobhan: It’s a 4.

0:06:50 Ally: 20.

0:06:52 Brennan: Okay, we'll go around. What did Liam get?

0:06:56 Ally: 20, but not nat.

0:06:58 Brennan: What did Theobald get?

0:06:59 Murph: 6.

0:07:00 Brennan: What did Jet get?

0:07:01 Emily: 19.

0:07:02 Murph: Good job.

0:07:03 Brennan: What did Ruby get?

0:07:04 Siobhan: I got— I rolled a 1, so I got a 4.

0:07:08 Brennan: 4. What did Amethar get?

0:07:09 Lou: 18! Sorry it sounded like 8, I think I heard 8 come out of my mouth and I was like, wait.

0:07:12 Zac: 11.

0:07:16 Brennan: Lapin got an 11.

0:07:18 Murph: Lapin rolling initiative makes me so nervous!

0:07:21 Brennan: Great.

0:07:24 Ally: (sarcastically) Oh, great.

0:07:24 Brennan: Now I'm going to roll some initiatives real quick.

0:07:27 Siobhan: Oh God, how many—

0:07:28 Lou: Can I talk to my daughters while you’re rolling initiative?

0:07:30 Brennan: Yes, please. You guys before— Chat-chat-chat.

0:07:34 Jet: Um, Ruby, will you be standing here- You just stand here the whole time, right? As an archer?

0:07:35 Ruby: Mhmm.

0:07:36 Jet: Fantastic news.

0:07:39 Amethar: Great, hey girls?

0:07:40 Jet: Yeah.

0:07:41 Amethar: I know our house words are—

0:07:44 Amethar and Jet: (together) In sweetness there is strength.

0:07:46 Amethar: Let's focus on the strength part today, all right?

0:07:48 Jet: Yes. Fuck yeah, pops.

0:07:49 Amethar: There's no need to be sweet.

0:07:50 Jet: Yeah. Nope.

0:07:51 Amethar: You've shown ‘em how fucking incredible and strong you are.

0:07:53 Jet: I’m gonna show them how salty I can be.

0:07:56 Ruby: Oh, I can still be sweet. I can be sweet and strong and cool. I’m gonna win!

0:08:01 Jet: I'm going to be a piercing level of sweet.

0:08:06 Amethar: Your aunts, my sisters, would be so proud to watch you this day.

0:08:09 Ruby: I wish we could have met them so much.

0:08:11 Jet: That's a good call. I'm going to close my eyes and picture General Rococoa. Just want to be like, Aunt Rococoa, shine down upon me.

0:08:21 Ruby: Channel the energy of Lazuli, the Archmage, who was just (unconvincingly) really, really good at potions.

0:08:31 Amethar: Good, good. (crowd laughing)

0:08:33 Murph: I give a thumbs up from really far away. I’m just like staring with shark eyes at everyone.

0:08:36 Liam: I heard that!

0:08:39 Amethar: Hey, and Liam? Do a good job.

0:08:42 Liam: Yeah, I definitely will. I'm making so many friends here. It's crazy, how many friends you make!

0:08:47 Jet: Friends are great.

0:08:48 Amethar: Yeah friends are great, right?

0:08:50 Liam: I had no idea people were this nice.

0:08:53 Jet: How are you not hungover? You were so wasted last night.

0:08:55 Liam: Oh, no, I am so hungover, I can't believe it. I slept with Preston on my forehead 'cause he was nice and cold.

0:09:00 Amethar: Oh, sounds right.

0:09:04 Ruby: Yeah, that sounds really good.

0:09:06 Liam: I'm really breaking out in sweats. (crowd laughing) I don't know why I’m still wearing this hunting cap.

0:09:12 Amethar: Hey, me and your dad used to do stuff, and he would be trashed all the time. So this is-

0:09:16 Liam: I was wondering about that. Like do I have to shit in front of someone to like form the kind of bond that you guys all have?

0:09:24 Jet: Should we all shit in front of each other right now?

0:09:26 Liam: Should we all shit in front of you?

0:09:27 Amethar: Y’know how Liam's always saying that thing about being a war guy versus being a seed guy? This is a war guy thing. And luckily for none of you, you've never had to make the choice of being a war guy or gal or a seed guy or gal.

0:09:41 Ruby: I mean Jet and Ruby, we shit in front of each other all the time.

0:09:45 Jet: I've seen Ruby shit some of the dankest shits— (laughing)

0:09:48 Amethar: I guess part of me is proud and another part of me needs none of that information. Especially before I fight a giant— Guys I need a second to focus up before I fight this giant t-bone skeak? steak.

0:09:57 Liam: Skank?

0:10:06 Amethar: This giant t-bone skank. You hear that you skank? (laughing)

0:10:06 Ruby: Well, okay, our dad is sexist.

0:10:10 Amethar: No, I was just leaning into a faux pas I made.

0:10:15 Lapin: (sighs) We're all going to die. (cast laughing)

0:10:19 Amethar: Thank God we can’t hear whatever Lapin is thinking right now.

0:10:21 Zac: Lapin is just— (puts his hands on the sides of his face)

0:10:23 Ally: You're just talking to Swirlie and you hate every minute of it.

0:10:29 Lou: Yeah, I think I look up and see you and Swirlie and go,

0:10:32 Amethar: I’m so glad I brought him. (crowd laughing)

0:10:35 Emily: I think that I have Message ‘cause you have the spell Message, I think I try to Message Theo saying,

0:10:41 Jet: I'm scared for my father. What should I do if he goes down?

0:10:48 Murph: I see you pointing at me from really far away and point at you and go,

0:10:52 Theobald: You know you need arcane ability to do this, right? Now you can respond, what were you trying to say?

0:10:57 Jet: So you heard me. I understand. (Laughing)

0:11:01 Theobald: I didn't hear- What was the first thing you said when you pointed at me.

0:11:04 Siobhan: I Message Jet.

0:11:05 Ruby: What are you guys talking about?

0:11:08 Jet: I'm talking about dad. I’m worried if he goes down that I might have to jump over and save him.

0:11:13 Ruby: Oh, we'll save him if he goes down.

0:11:14 Jet: Okay.

0:11:15 Murph: Points at Jet.

0:11:16 Theobald: Just so you know, I can't hear anything you were saying to Ruby. I see you pointing at Ruby.

0:11:19 Jet: I’m sorry, I was casting Message on Ruby and not on you.

0:11:22 Lou: I turn around for a quick second to see everyone pointing.

0:11:25 Amethar: Are you guys—? Is something going on?

0:11:27 Murph: I'm doing a thumbs up, just like the Bill Clinton- (cast laughing)

0:11:30 Amethar: Okay? Okay.

0:11:33 Emily: I point to Lapin.

0:11:33 Jet: Hey!

0:11:33 Lapin: What? (cast laughing)

0:11:39 Theobald: She thinks she’s casting Message on you.

0:11:42 Lapin: You are not.

0:11:45 Theobald: Lapin says you’re not.

0:11:49 Lapin: Why is everyone using their hands in that way?

0:11:52 Theobald: Well we have to point, we’re trying to make it look like we’re just doing a thumbs up.

0:11:54 Ruby: For Candia! For Candia!

0:11:55 Jet: That’s how we cast the spell!

0:11:56 Theobald: Everyone be on the lookout, there are many “accidents” that happen in tournaments, we don't want anything to happen—

0:12:02 Brennan: Okay! Battle commences! (trumpet blowing) You see that Senator Ciabatta looks over and sees the Pontifex and says,

0:12:10 Ciabatta: Your Holiness. I must, I'm afraid, root for my gladiator, but I hope that your paladin is able to equate himself honorably.

0:12:19 Brennan: You see the Pontifex says,

0:12:21 Pontifex: I cannot say that I relish looking at these violent sports, but they bring gladness to the people, and perhaps they are a relic of the age of wars that is now over.

0:12:36 Brennan: You hear Primsy cheering for you over here. And we're going to start combat, with Linguina Freccia, the spaghetti archer, she's gonna take a shot at her target.

0:12:51 Lou: Pretzel bow?

0:12:53 Brennan: Yes, pretzel bow. That is correct.

0:12:54 Siobhan: Beautiful.

0:12:56 Lou: Incredible.

0:12:58 Brennan: She rolls a 22, arrow is very close to the bullseye. (Lou and Ally clapping) Next to go is Sir Keradin Deeproot. He goes (counting tiles across the battleset) 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, he just advances over into this corner and then takes- Looks like he squares up defensively, with like a dodge action, basically. You see Scravoya, look right at you and say,

0:13:36 Scravoya: You come for the honor of my husband and my people. I'm going to put you into the dirt.

0:13:43 Amethar: I would have it no other way. Let's say you and I handle these two and then square things off properly. So there's no question as to whose prowess won this match.

0:13:58 Brennan: (impressed) What a fucking move. Hold on, go ahead and give- I'm just going to say, give me a flat Persuasion check.

0:14:11 Murph: Come on.

0:14:11 Siobhan: Come on!

0:14:11 Brennan: It's just Persuasion.

0:14:12 Siobhan: Money, money, money.

0:14:15 Lou: It's only a 7.

0:14:16 Brennan: Okay, she sneers at you and says,

0:14:19 Scravoya: I put you in the dirt before they touch you.

0:14:24 Brennan: Whew! Cool, that is- Keradin has taken the dodge action. That's gonna be Liam.

0:14:32 Ally: Hey, cool. Can Preston grant me, with the help action, would anyone notice if—

0:14:40 Brennan: Yeah, he’s on the other side of the fence, he can give you a little help action, for sure. Let me check the range real quick of your heavy crossbow. I just want to make sure that we're doing all this legally by the book et cetera, et cetera. The range is a hundred, so yes, you I believe- So that's 80 and from there, is that within 20 no, it's just out of range. So the help is going to make this a straight roll ‘cause you have disadvantage and advantage at the same time.

0:15:13 Ally: All right.

0:15:14 Murph: Come on! Nice.

0:15:16 Ally: 15, what do I add to that?

0:15:18 Brennan: Oh, just your attack.

0:15:19 Ally: Oh, cool, all right. Yeah, yeah with the bow?

0:15:22 Brennan: Yeah with your heavy crossbow.

0:15:24 Ally: Oh, cool, so that's 23?

0:15:28 Brennan: 23, Oh, Liam gets his a little bit closer than Freccia’s.

0:15:33 Zac: Thunk.

0:15:37 Brennan: Thunk. Jet, the horns ring and you are first to act in your melee.

0:15:42 Jet: Well, like father, like daughter. Annabelle! I honor your claim to the cheese throne. And I, also an heir who has decided not to wed-

0:15:49 Amethar: What?!

0:15:56 Jet: -think that we should show these fools a real fucking fight. Be my ally so that you and I can put on a fucking good unmarried show.

0:16:07 Brennan: (deep breath, clearly surprised) Okay.

0:16:07 Siobhan: Geez Louise.

0:16:07 Brennan: Having never introduced yourself to this woman, you have announced her greatest shame to the assembled tournament. Go ahead and give me Persuasion with disadvantage.

0:16:19 Emily: (quietly) I didn't know that was her greatest shame. (dice clacking) I got a nat 20 though. Oh but—

0:16:22 Siobhan: Disadvantage.

0:16:26 Emily: I can’t use it. I mean, it's on my pen. Should I use this?

0:16:28 Brennan: Yeah, if it’s cocked roll it again.

0:16:32 Emily: I got a 20.

0:16:34 Brennan: A flat 20? You say a lot of real personal shit as out loud as any one can say in front of the head of a global church. Annabelle looks at you.

0:16:51 Jet: I'm proud of the fact that I'm not married. So, whatever.

0:16:54 Brennan: Annabelle looks at you- An enormous fucking gasp (crowd gasp) goes up from the audience as you, the heir of Candia, openly announced that you will not wed.

0:17:04 Murph: Theobald is completely distracted.

0:17:05 Theobald: What?

0:17:06 Brennan: Yeah actually, some of the lords and ladies just scream. (cast laughing) (screaming)

0:17:13 Ally: I turn around and go,

0:17:14 Liam: Hell yeah!

0:17:15 Amethar: (chastingly) Liam!

0:17:16 Jet: Thank you, Liam! I thought it was good!

0:17:17 Ruby: If we all agree not to get married, then none of us have to get married. Unionizing princesses.

0:17:23 Brennan: What an incredible shame you've brought to your houses. You, uh, cool. Annabelle gets teary-eyed and straightens up her back and salutes you with her saber.

0:17:35 Emily: Salutes me?

0:17:36 Brennan: With her saber and nods her head. She's extremely emotionally charged that you've brought this up. But she looks as though, I mean, roll an Insight check to see how she's feeling but you definitely say some stuff to her.

0:17:53 Emily: All right, I’ll roll an Insight check.

0:17:54 Murph: Nice!

0:17:56 Emily: I got an 18. Oh, no, just a 17.

0:18:00 Brennan: It looks like she's shocked and awed by your bravery and speaking aloud something that she’s been carrying as a point of shame for a long time and looks deeply touched by your camaraderie.

0:18:14 Jet: Alright, well you mull that over.

0:18:16 Emily: And then I feint at the fucking guy next to me. I run up to the guy next to me.

0:18:19 Brennan: To Grissini?

0:18:21 Emily: Yeah, Grissini, who I fought alongside and I feint to give myself- I use one of my superiority dice to feint and give myself advantage and I attack.

0:18:27 Murph: Nice.

0:18:33 Emily: Does a 22 hit?

0:18:36 Brennan: 22, hold on, he goes to parry it and your attack passes his parry anyway.

0:18:44 Emily: Yes! Okay. So I'm going to hit him for- And I add a sneak attack, right? Cause I had an advantage on that?

0:18:50 Brennan: That's correct.

0:18:51 Emily: 'Cause I feinted. Okay, that's going to be, 10, 14, plus 7, 21!

0:19:00 Brennan: 21 damage?

0:19:02 Emily: Yeah.

0:19:04 Ruby: That's my sister!

0:19:06 Brennan: You see, he looks at you and he says, as you charge him, you see, says, he’s flabbergasted about what you just fucking said and he says,

0:19:12 Grissini: Princess, are you—

0:19:15 Brennan: Pow! And you’re- All of the weapons have had like bluntings put on them, like soft cork put on the edges. So your like cork tipped rapier leaps out and does, bam! Deals 21 points of non-lethal damage to him. You clock him right in the fucking head.

0:19:33 Jet: I'm sorry you had the misfortune to start next to me.

0:19:37 Brennan: He— go ahead and make a Persuasion or just a flat Charisma check with advantage for me.

0:19:40 Emily: Okay.

0:19:42 Murph: Hell yeah. Oh my God!

0:19:43 Siobhan: Two 17s.

0:19:45 Emily: 21.

0:19:48 Brennan: I don't know what your Insight is, but he looks like, completely smitten. (Emily and Murph laughing)

0:19:54 Brennan: And he's like, he looks, he was like very sort of like, patronizing to you before and you've popped this fucking young commander of the Imperial army in the head.

0:20:07 Emily: I lean in and I say,

0:20:07 Jet: Play this right and I might meet you in the alley later. (cast laughing)

0:20:13 Brennan: Incredible.

0:20:17 Ally: I hear that and-

0:20:19 Murph: You just told everyone you’re not gonna marry and then you tell your fellow combatants you’re going to meet them in the alley.

0:20:21 Ruby: That's my sister!

0:20:23 Brennan: (to himself) Let me see something real quick. (begins counting quietly) (cast laughing)

0:20:24 Emily: Thank you.

0:20:25 Ally: I'm like,

0:20:25 Liam: What are you gonna do in the alley? What are you gonna do in the alley?

0:20:32 Jet: The alley is just where I send men, I don't know what, I just send them there.

0:20:36 Brennan: (to himself) Wow, fuck, fuck, fuck. Okay. Amethar it is your turn.

0:20:39 Lou: Great. I look, quickly, I look to the Deeproot, Knight Deeproot. I say,

0:20:45 Amethar: Same offer, thoughts?

0:20:48 Lou: Can I make another Persuasion check?

0:20:51 Brennan: Give me another Persuasion check, yeah.

0:20:55 Lou: Great, even worse, 5.

0:20:57 Brennan: He looks at you and says,

0:20:58 Keradin: We will let the Bulb decide.

0:21:01 Amethar: Oh, great, old fashioned way.

0:21:04 Lou: I take one step forward and go into a rage.

0:21:09 Brennan: One step diagonally?

0:21:10 Lou: Yeah.

0:21:10 Brennan: Cool. That's- You're going to hit Jet if you go there, you can go one more in towards them.

0:21:17 Lou: Yeah, I can go one more in towards them.

0:21:19 Brennan: Cool.

0:21:20 Lou: Great step forward, go into a rage-

0:21:26 Brennan: Actually, yeah you can go-

0:21:29 Lou: Actually, is there- Can I never step into- If I just move, I started where, here?

0:21:34 Brennan: Yeah, there.

0:21:36 Lou: If I move along here, can I step like, just not- No, fuck it! I wanna be in between the two of them. (immediately changes his mind) No, I don't want both of them swinging on me. Who knows? They'll probably both end up swinging on me. I step, yeah, let me step up. I'll step where I had planned. There you go.

0:21:55 Brennan: I'm going to say that for these purposes, the fences are going to maintain your aura, so you don't have to worry about hurting people on the outside of them. Immediately Scravoya and Sir Deeproot, each take 2 points of damage.

0:22:13 Lou: Great and then I square up on Scravoya.

0:22:17 Brennan: Go for it.

0:22:18 Lou: Oh, here we go.

0:22:20 Zac: Oh my God.

0:22:22 Siobhan: This is a 19!

0:22:23 Lou: 19.

0:22:24 Murph: Nice!

0:22:25 Lou: Plus nine, 28.

0:22:26 Brennan: Ooh, doctor!

0:22:29 Lou: And then let's go. (to his dice) Who do I trust right now? Let's go you and you. (rolls dice) Great, for 10 plus 9, 19.

0:22:40 Murph: Wow, good for you!

0:22:41 Brennan: 19 points of damage. Hell yeah. Scravoya was talking a big game. You stepped forward. Cola (imitates pop rock fizzing) and Payment Day, whooh! Blunted with cork on the sides, bam! Comes along, like this weird fruity pulpy cork material. And you brain this, like, giantess steak warrior, for 21 points of damage in one hit.

0:23:08 Lou: Wait, 19.

0:23:09 Brennan: Oh, sorry, 21 with the fire. Awesome. That is Amethar.

0:23:15 Jet: You do 21 also?

0:23:16 Amethar: I also did 21. Did we both do 21?

0:23:18 Jet: Yes!

0:23:19 Amethar: Well if I wasn't so fucking mad at you, we could be fun with this.

0:23:24 Jet: I was giving you a little something to work with. I know you feed off of rage.

0:23:27 Amethar: Don't do this. God, I love her so much.

0:23:32 Brennan: Incredible, that's your action, bonus action and movement.

0:23:35 Lou: Yup.

0:23:38 Jet: I am sorry though, I really didn't know that was gonna be so controversial.

0:23:42 Theobald: You didn’t? You’re the heir!

0:23:46 Amethar: What?

0:23:49 Lou: What’s this Ciabatta doing? What’s this Ciabatta doing?

0:23:51 Brennan: He's in the melee with you.

0:23:53 Lou: No, I understand, but you keep like, having him climb me. (cast laughing)

0:23:57 Brennan: He's gonna go here. You guys all just rush your melee. You guys just fucking rush into the center. It’s two barbarians in the mix and he takes a swing at King Amethar.

0:24:12 Lou: What? So much good competition here.

0:24:17 Brennan: He's gonna take a swing at King Amethar and that's a miss. He swings and misses. Raises up two swords,

0:24:24 Ciabatta: (Italian) For the glory of Ceresia!

0:24:28 Brennan: That is now going to be Scravoya. [dramatic music starts]

0:24:31 Siobhan: (whispering) I don’t like it.

0:24:33 Brennan: She's gonna take two big swings at Amethar. Amethar’s AC is 16, correct?

0:24:44 Lou: 16.

0:24:45 Brennan: That is two hits.

0:24:46 Murph: Nooo!

0:24:48 Lou: I was really hoping you were gonna say two misses, got real excited for a second.

0:24:51 Emily: Better than two credits.

0:24:53 Lou: Better than two credits.

0:24:55 Brennan: 11 damage on the first one halved to 5.

0:25:01 Lou: Okay, that was-

0:25:02 Brennan: And then- 23 halved to 11 on the next one.

0:25:12 Lou: Jesus!

0:25:14 Brennan: Boom, boom.

0:25:15 Lou: I believe I’m at- So for a total of 16?

0:25:19 Brennan: For a total of 16.

0:25:20 Lou: I'm at 36.

0:25:23 Brennan: (mimics attack noises) And she- Yeah, she's going to move, she's actually hemmed in. She can't move anywhere.

0:25:34 Siobhan: (to Lou) What are the ability checks that-

0:25:36 Lou: Strength.

0:25:37 Siobhan: Strength checks?

0:25:38 Brennan: That's Scravoya, the archer Citron is going to go. Uh! Lord Citron, the banana, gets a 25. Launches an arrow right outside the bullseye. And that is going to be- Lapin, you're up in the box watching the melee. Scravoya landed some mighty blows on King Amethar, she looks mad.

0:26:05 Zac: Is there like a servant or anything around? (Emily laughing)

0:26:10 Brennan: Yeah, there's some people with food and stuff.

0:26:12 Zac: Okay well, I'm going to (beckons absentmindedly) call a servant over and then talk to Lord and Lady—

0:26:15 Brennan: Swirlie?

0:26:19 Zac: Swirlie.

0:26:21 Brennan: Yeah.

0:26:21 Zac: And say-

0:26:22 Lord and Lady Swirlie: What a fine tourney!

0:26:23 Lapin: It is an amazing tourney, yes, I feel as though maybe we have gotten off on the wrong foot. I have a request directly from the King. He has asked something of both of you. Would you want to hear it or would you-

0:26:40 Swirlies: Well, because the King has entrusted us with a special favor then yes, we must.

0:26:47 Lapin: Yes, he has. Only you two are in the box near the King, close enough to help him with this very specific task. He was hoping that once this tournament is over, he would be able to join us in the box and have four glasses of wine. Now I need either of you to hold two full glasses of wine and hold them until the tournament's over so that he may join us in merriment. (Brennan sighs)

0:27:23 Swirlies: This request is exceedingly normal (cast laughs) and we shall disperse with it post-haste, my good Chancellor.

0:27:33 Lapin: Yes, yes. Can we get a servant to bring them to you?

0:27:35 Brennan: Immediately, someone's there with goblets of wine.

0:27:35 Lapin: Now just hold them. Just hold them.

0:27:41 Swirlies: We shan't take any little sneaky sips!

0:27:43 Lapin: The crown will always remember you for this.

0:27:49 Swirlies: (flattered) My good chancellor! (laughs)

0:27:52 Zac: And then I will- And then Lapin will prepare a reaction.

0:27:59 Brennan: Very cool, I'm down. You can like full delay your turn if you want, you can just let your- Like, you're just watching so you are full- Yeah. You don't even need to prepare like “a reaction”.

0:28:10 Zac: Okay, I just want to be able to- So like after- Maybe if it gets worse, I can go whenever I want to go.

0:28:16 Brennan: Yes, you just chime in. You're like full- You're just sending your turn down the river.

0:28:21 Zac: Great.

0:28:22 Brennan: Cool.

0:28:23 Ally: Cool.

0:28:24 Brennan: Lovely. That is going to be—

0:28:28 Lou: (quietly) Send that turn right on down the river.

0:28:29 Emily: Scheming!

0:28:31 Brennan: Bonathan rushes up.

0:28:35 Emily: Bonathan could have been my ally.

0:28:37 Brennan: It's gonna go for Annabelle Cheddar. Hits Annabelle twice.

0:28:44 Jet: I will avenge you, my lady! (Ally laughs)

0:28:52 Brennan: Annabelle takes 12 points of damage as Bonathan lashes out (combat noises) with his pike. That is going to be Lady Plumbeline, begins to, again- You're gonna act on the same turn, Theo.

0:29:00 Murph: Okay.

0:29:09 Brennan: So she just starts charging and readies an action, basically. That's Plumbeline. Annabelle takes a bonus action disengage, goes (counting tiles) 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 to give you a Sneak Attack and rushes in, just as she whispers, a little tear goes down the side of her face and she goes,

0:29:35 Annabelle: Long have the Dairy Islands and Candia stood side by side. I shall not see that end this day.

0:29:43 Brennan: And she's going to take three attacks on Grissini.

0:29:47 Ruby: Oh my God, she rules!

0:29:51 Brennan: Okay.

0:29:52 Ruby: Jet, make friends with her!

0:29:53 Emily: Like, 5 minutes after she winked at me, I wink back, cause I was in shock for that long.

0:29:58 Ally: And then you see me and I'm like- (winks)

0:30:03 Liam: Is it a wink train?

0:30:06 Brennan: She does this thing where she does a full back flip and bicycle kicks Grissini’s spear so it goes up and on the come down, slashes underneath his armor and scores a hit underneath his shoulder on his arm and lands back on her feet. She's got- From being on rolling decks of ships her whole life, she's got the most powerful thighs. Her core strength- Like, she just all- Every step is as sure footed as it could be.

0:30:36 Ally: Like a soccer hottie?

0:30:37 Brennan: Like a soccer hottie. Very Megan Rapinoe, very—

0:30:39 Ally: Goddamn!

0:30:42 Brennan: That better still be a prescient reference in the 11 months from when we filmed this.

0:30:45 Ally: In 2021.

0:30:48 Emily: I send a Message to Theobald saying,

0:30:50 Jet: I think she's one of the good ones.

0:30:52 Murph: I'm riding a horse at someone else, I can't hear anything. (crowd laughing)

0:31:00 Brennan: That's gonna be Constano who's getting all banged up on and all his abilities are about granting actions to allies.

0:31:04 Siobhan: Oh, god bless him!

0:31:07 Murph: Poor guy.

0:31:09 Emily: So I probably should have been his ally but Annabelle's way cooler.

0:31:13 Siobhan: I mean look, what can you do, meet me in the alley.

0:31:13 Brennan: (quietly) This one’s going for Annabelle.

0:31:13 Ally: Meet me in the alley. (laughs)

0:31:19 Zac: Your fight's working out pretty well.

0:31:20 Murph: Yeah.

0:31:22 Brennan: Jet, he comes at you for 12, 15, 22 points of damage to you.

0:31:32 Emily: Shield!

0:31:33 Brennan: Shield, hold on.

0:31:37 Emily: So it's 23.

0:31:38 Siobhan: Fuck!

0:31:39 Brennan: He still hits you with a 23.

0:31:40 Emily: Oh, fuck!

0:31:42 Brennan: So you take the 22 and Annabelle goes ahead. She takes a full 20. Annabelle is looking hurt. She got hit twice in this melee. That's going to be, Theo, that's you.

0:31:58 Murph: Sweet, so we're riding at each other?

0:32:03 Brennan: You are riding each other. We're gonna resolve this Joust as you guys move past each other. First, I'm gonna need handle animal checks from each of you.

0:32:10 Murph: Oh god! Okay.

0:32:10 Brennan: Is this where Sprinkle’s giving you the help action?

0:32:12 Murph: Sprinkle is gonna help me calm down the— They are called meeps, right?

0:32:15 Brennan: They are called meeps.

0:32:15 Ally: Cute.

0:32:15 Murph: Okay.

0:32:15 Theobald: Sprinkle, to the meep!

0:32:19 Brennan: So, you need to get a- If you do not get a DC10 on this Animal Handling check, you will have disadvantage on all the rolls as you joust.

0:32:32 Murph: Fuck me. I have two rolls. I'm using my advantage. All I need to do is just get an above-average roll with two.

0:32:37 Siobhan: Come on, Sprinkle.

0:32:41 Murph: And I did it, 14.

0:32:43 Brennan: Great, you and her are each going to make an attack. If you hit the other's armor class, you will be able to make an Athletics check to try and knock them off.

0:32:53 Murph: Sweet. Okay, attack. 24.

0:33:00 Brennan: 24, a hundred percent hits.

0:33:02 Ally: Hell yeah!

0:33:03 Brennan: And then, that is— Does she hit you? No, she doesn't come anywhere near hitting you. She lowers her lance. She's riding in the chariot. You guys move past each other. Go ahead and give me an Athletics roll. Brennan stares at his roll in shock, putting his hands to his head.

0:33:23 Murph: Come on, Theo! 15.

0:33:30 Brennan: (head in his hands) She rolled a natural 1.

0:33:31 Siobhan: Brutal. (crowd cheering)

0:33:33 Brennan: You see Plumbeline lower her lance, you ride. She looks extremely competent, but you look at her, she's like an incredibly— Everything you've heard about her is that she's very impressive but she's like a lady of court. She's supposed to be an incredible archer, but she didn't sign up for the fucking archery competition, she signed up for the joust, and we know why she signed up for the joust, but she doesn't have the— She's not a fucking knight and she lowers her lance, you lower yours. You've been jousting since you were a fucking kid. You put your lance literally right under the lip of her armor, lift her up out of the chariot and she- You were supposed to go through three rounds of lances. You have ended this joust in your first lance and laid her out in the middle of the lane and a roar goes up in the crowd. All the Tartguard are screaming, you see Cruller over in the stand is like,

0:34:31 Calroy: Yes, yes, this is how it is done in Candia!

0:34:36 Liam: Yeah, Theo!

0:34:37 Murph: I feel like Theo is— Plumbeline’s good folk. I feel like I hop over the little thing and I help her up.

0:34:47 Brennan: Go ahead and make a Persuasion- just a Charisma check with disadvantage.

0:34:51 Murph: Ooh, oh no. Okay, that's just a 9. [sad music starts]

0:34:58 Brennan: Cool. You get off of your mount, jump over the fence pretty easily, go to her, put out your hand and you see tears streaming down her face as she slaps your hand away and moves to get herself up.

0:35:09 Murph: I back up.

0:35:20 Brennan: Okay, that is- Damn! Ruby, that's you.

0:35:22 Ally: Nat 1.

0:35:25 Siobhan: Ooh boy!

0:35:26 Brennan: She rolled a fucking nat 1.

0:35:27 Ally: That's crazy.

0:35:28 Lou: That’s sad.

0:35:29 Siobhan: I feel so bad for her.

0:35:30 Lou: But honestly, Theobald? Hell yes!

0:35:31 Ally: We're doing really well in this so far.

0:35:33 Emily: Don't say it, stop jinxing us!

0:35:37 Siobhan: I've been trying to figure out anything that I can do to help me do this but it's just rolling, all I can do. It's bad. It's a 10.

0:35:47 Brennan: Cool, it's a 10. Your arrow goes off wildly. Does not hit a target.

0:35:53 Siobhan: It's very far off the range of my bow.

0:35:54 Brennan: Yup. Someone off the side pronounces:

0:35:57 Announcer: First arrow to Lord Citron of Fructera.

0:36:02 Brennan: The people are going nuts over the Joust that just happened. People are still screaming about what fucking Jet just said at the melee. What's weird is the main fucking melee is the one people are like barely paying attention to because it's like fucking wild. What a fucking show! We go back to the top. The Lady Freccia hits a 23.

0:36:22 Siobhan: Jesus!

0:36:24 Brennan: I'm going to need Amethar to make three constitution saving throws.

0:36:28 Siobhan: Oh, shit!

0:36:32 Lou: Why? Can I ask that? I just say why?

0:36:35 Emily: She’s tickling you!

0:36:38 Lou: So we have- (ominous string drone starts)

0:36:39 Brennan: Order them for me. So just put them in an order.

0:36:40 Zac: Saving throws?

0:36:41 Lou: Highest?

0:36:42 Brennan: No, just put them in any order you want. Just give them to me one at a time.

0:36:46 Lou: Okay. First one- First one, 16.

0:36:54 Brennan: Okay.

0:36:55 Lou: Second one, 21. Third- Fuck you! Third one, 12. I hate you. You know that?

0:37:01 Siobhan: This is personal.

0:37:07 Brennan: Okay.

0:37:09 Lou: Why does everyone wanna kill Amethar, I'm just a king.

0:37:13 Ally: I’m just a king!

0:37:13 Siobhan: I’m just a humble king!

0:37:13 Lou: Anyone want to kill a giant T-bone steak? (sighs)

0:37:21 Brennan: Okay, you take, hold on one second here- 8 and 8, 16 halved to 8 damage of piercing and after that… (soft music) There is a long, silent pause as Brennan rolls damage.

0:38:08 Brennan: After you take the 8, you take 22 points of damage that is not halved.

0:38:13 Siobhan: Oh, fuck!

0:38:18 Brennan: You— In the midst of combat, Scravoya bearing down on you, you suddenly feel a flash of something in your side and a deep pain cuts through your rage. Your throat closes up. (somber music)

0:38:35 Lou: Like as in, I can't breathe?

0:38:37 Brennan: You are barely able to breathe. You're still kind of drawing breath.

0:38:39 Emily: (to Siobhan) Someone has a poisoned weapon!

0:38:41 Brennan: It hasn't fully choked off yet, but as you try, you could just naturally kind of grunt and instead of a grunt coming out, just a (croaks) comes out, a little croak.

0:38:52 Emily: Wouldn't poison be illegal in this if we have blunted—

0:38:54 Murph: Can we roll Perception checks? Like me and Lapin, cause we’re out of-

0:38:57 Zac: Yeah, can Lapin—

0:39:00 Brennan: I'm gonna say right now that everybody can roll a Perception check on their turns.

0:39:04 Murph: Okay.

0:39:08 Zac: Lapin is gonna go now… (cast laughing)

0:39:12 Brennan: That checks out.

0:39:15 Lou: That's why we hold our turns, throw them down the river.

0:39:20 Brennan: Cool.

0:39:21 Ally: What are you at?

0:39:22 Lou: 6.

0:39:22 Ally: Yeah...

0:39:23 Brennan: Sorry, hold on a second.

0:39:25 Lou: So I'm alive.

0:39:26 Siobhan: Shit!

0:39:28 Brennan: Lapin, you go now. Yes.

0:39:30 Zac: I make the Perception check first?

0:39:32 Brennan: You make some Perception checks. It is a roaring field of- It is loud. I will tell you this right now. Everybody else here will be making Perception checks with disadvantage because you're in the middle of a grand tournament and there's horns blaring everything else, because Zac, you made the decision before play to do what your character would do and sit in the box and watch even though I put all this fun stuff in front of you, you will not roll with disadvantage. Now I am going to ask you to roll in the Box of Doom to notice this cause all you- Cause think about what you're trying to notice. You're trying to notice that King Amethar is having a breathing problem and got hit in a place where he's supposed to get hit. So this is a DC 20 Perception check. These Perception checks to notice that something has happened to the King are all going to be Box of Doom.

0:40:23 Brennan: What do you add for perception?

0:40:25 Zac: Plus 3.

0:40:26 Brennan: So you need a 17 or higher.

0:40:26 Murph: Come on, dude.

0:40:30 Zac: Ready?

0:40:31 Brennan: Ready. (dice rolls) 8.

0:40:33 Zac: Fuck!

0:40:34 Brennan: You do not notice that anything is wrong.

0:40:36 Zac: But I noticed that he's hurt—

0:40:39 Brennan: Yeah he's hurt. But he's hurt because he's getting hit with big blunted weapons.

0:40:46 Lou: I've been pierced in the side?

0:40:48 Brennan: Something happened, you can make- Give me a Perception check with advantage.

0:40:53 Lou: Because it's blunted weapons, right?

0:40:55 Brennan: It's blunted weapons, yeah.

0:40:56 Emily: So they're poisonous?

0:40:59 Lou: Jesus Christ, Perception?

0:41:02 Brennan: Yeah.

0:41:03 Lou: 8.

0:41:03 Brennan: You were avoiding a blow from Scravoya. You bumped into the gladiator and to Sir Keradin. And for a second you felt something sharp, but you're like, oh, I might've clipped like a sharp edge of their armor or something. Maybe I fucked up. And then your throat closed up. Second attack misses. That is going to be Liam. Your turn at the archery competition again.

0:41:19 Ally: Alright.

0:41:34 Emily: I knew they were coming for my father.

0:41:34 Siobhan: You can make a Perception check—

0:41:36 Brennan: Making a Perception check to notice something? So you need the lowest- What is your bonus to Perception?

0:41:42 Ally: What is my perception, baby… Ah, 3.

0:41:48 Brennan: 3? So you need the lower of these two rolls to be a 17 or higher.

0:41:52 Ally: All right. I'm pretty observant, come on!

0:41:56 Brennan: 14 is not gonna do it.

0:41:58 Siobhan: Oh, close! (Lou laughs)

0:42:03 Ally: Okay. Cool. So I'm probably waving at Coldbottle.

0:42:06 Brennan: Yeah, she's going,

0:42:08 Primsy: Right, you're doing so great, I love it!

0:42:10 Brennan: Amethar, you begin to like feel yourself get woozy and are looking around at all the cheering people, you see Primsy, your daughters fighting. Liam, go ahead and roll your archery.

0:42:20 Ally: Okay, and it's just one, right?

0:42:21 Brennan: Just one.

0:42:24 Ally: Hey hell yeah! That is 26. (laughs)

0:42:28 Brennan: 26.

0:42:30 Ally: What?

0:42:31 Siobhan: He’s dying!

0:42:33 Lou: No, I am glad.

0:42:34 Emily: Yeah, it’s funny that—

0:42:35 Lou: No, Liam needs to win.

0:42:36 Ally: That's so good!

0:42:38 Zac: It is great, it is great.

0:42:40 Siobhan: Liam's gonna be on the council? Representing the milk people?

0:42:42 Lou: It’s so good.

0:42:44 Liam: Did you see that, Amethar? Oh, you're busy.

0:42:46 Amethar: (grunts and swings in confusion) (cast laughs)

0:42:49 Liam: Theo, did you see that?

0:42:51 Theobald: Yes, I actually did, well shot!

0:42:54 Liam: Yeah, thanks! You notice everything. Nothing gets past you.

0:42:57 Theobald: That's right, looking at this bullseye.

0:43:00 Zac: I don't wanna like mitigate too much, but like, I don't know, like I couldn't have done-

0:43:06 Brennan: You rolled an 11 Perception check.

0:43:08 Zac: Yeah.

0:43:08 Brennan: Until something more dramatic happens to Amethar, there won't be anything for you to notice. Like if you had got a 15, you might have noticed that he's like stumbling a little bit. But whatever happened, happened. I'll do this diligently. Let me make a roll on my side of the board. I know that your passive perception is 13. If you're wondering what my Stealth roll was, it was a Nat 20.

0:43:33 Siobhan: Fuck, man!

0:43:35 Emily: That probably like just applies to that interaction, right?

0:43:38 Brennan: Yeah it only applies to that interaction.

0:43:39 Emily: Yeah cool, okay.

0:43:41 Siobhan: Fuck!

0:43:43 Brennan: So,

0:43:44 Jet: Father!

0:43:44 Ruby: Pops!

0:43:45 Jet: Father!

0:43:45 Ruby: Pops!

0:43:46 Brennan: Jet, that's gonna be you.

0:43:48 Emily: It's my turn? Okay, I'm going to do my Perception roll to see if I notice what's going on with my dad.

0:43:53 Brennan: Yeah.

0:43:54 Lou: I love just the slow moving around the table.

0:43:58 Emily: Two nat 20’s, two nat 20’s, two nat 20’s, go! Emily rolls both dice and misses the Box of Doom entirely; they fall onto the tournament battleset.

0:44:02 Lou: Oh my God. (laughing)

0:44:06 Brennan: Neither does it. Do you need a Nat 20 to succeed on this perception check?

0:44:09 Emily: I don't know, I just thought—

0:44:10 Siobhan: She has 0 perception.

0:44:12 Ally: No, you just needed 17, right? Oh wait, what’s your added perception?

0:44:13 Emily: 0.

0:44:14 Ally: Oh, then yes.

0:44:15 Brennan: So you do need two Nat 20’s.

0:44:17 Emily: Okay, I have a question.

0:44:22 Ally: Two nat 20’s, two nat 20’s.

0:44:24 Jet: Pops, looking great!

0:44:26 Emily: Oh god! (laughing) Missed the Box of Doom. Okay.

0:44:26 Brennan: So what are you gonna do?

0:44:27 Emily: If I were to jump onto the thing onto the fence behind me, would I get advantage on attacks?

0:44:37 Brennan: You wanna do like a WWE, get up on the ropes?

0:44:40 Emily: Yeah.

0:44:41 Brennan: Yeah, as long as you don't leave the square, you're not disqualified.

0:44:45 Emily: Okay, then I think I want to jump up behind me.

0:44:49 Brennan: I'm going to say, I'm going to need a DC 20 Acrobatics check going off the side to get advantage.

0:44:57 Emily: Okay, I am feeling conservative right now because my— Whatever I as a player know. But I'm gonna go for it, okay. Failed. (laughs)

0:45:10 Brennan: Did you roll a nat 1?

0:45:11 Emily: No, I just got 13.

0:45:13 Brennan: Cool, so what is Jet gonna do?

0:45:16 Emily: Okay, I’m just gonna attack Constano. I think I'm gonna say,

0:45:21 Jet: Annabelle, you are better than even the bards foretold.

0:45:28 Emily: And then I'll attack him.

0:45:30 Brennan: Go for it.

0:45:33 Emily: Does an 11 hit?.

0:45:35 Brennan: It don't.

0:45:37 Emily: I'm gonna Second Wind.

0:45:39 Brennan: Okay, cool. You go Second Wind, you roll your HP, how much you get back?

0:45:48 Emily: 5 plus 2, 7. I got 7 back.

0:45:49 Brennan: Awesome, Amethar, that's you.

0:45:51 Siobhan: Jesus.

0:45:52 Lou: Great, so right now where I'm at, I fully know that my throat is slowly- I can feel it closing?

0:46:01 Brennan: That is correct. Yes, you can feel it closing.

0:46:05 Lou: Would I understand this to be unusual?

0:46:08 Brennan: Yes, you would understand that some- You're immediately- You're in the pitch of combat and you're like, "something very bad has happened".

0:46:15 Lou: And this would be nothing like I've ever felt in any of the tournament's I’ve participated-

0:46:21 Brennan: Nothing, no this is not a tournament. Something fucked up happened.

0:46:24 Lou: Fantastic. I'm going to disengage and fully charge into the second arena next door toward Lord Cruller.

0:46:34 Brennan: Awesome, cool. You disengage, that's awesome, clutch, give me an Athletics check.

0:46:40 Lou: Great.

0:46:46 Brennan: And you have advantage cause you're raging.

0:46:51 Lou: (mumbling about his dice) I don't like you, I don’t want either one of you...

0:46:55 Brennan: You got to clear 10.

0:46:57 Lou: I do that, yeah.

0:46:58 Brennan: Okay, cool.

0:46:59 Lou: 12.

0:47:00 Brennan: 12. You stumble, trip, fall, get over here, so that’s (counting tiles) 5, 10, 15, 20. That's 20 feet of movement and you're going for-

0:47:10 Jet: Dad, I got this, don't worry about me!

0:47:12 Lou: I'm in a- And I think like as a warrior, somebody who knows when to indicate themselves, I'm going to lay down on the ground, I think right about there. Like, enough to get out of my pen to suggest that I don't want to fight anymore.

0:47:31 Zac: Can I- This looks crazy.

0:47:33 Brennan: This is fucking crazy. But you've taken your turn now. So now we have to wait.

0:47:36 Zac: Just as a Perception- Okay.

0:47:40 Brennan: Actually let me think. No, I said on your turn. Yeah, you did your Perception, so you're going to have to wait until your next, you know what, I'll be nice though and I'll put- Here's a compromise. I'll put your turn back where it was in the initiative order.

0:47:54 Zac: Okay.

0:47:54 Brennan: Cool. Alright.

0:47:56 Jet: Annabelle, meet my father.

0:47:57 Zac: I don't want you to have to-

0:47:58 Brennan: No, no, no, we're all good. Okay.

0:48:06 Ally: So, you're laying down in the middle of the wrong arena?

0:48:09 Lou: Yes, I go full (motions being prone), yeah.

0:48:09 Ally: Great.

0:48:09 Brennan: So you got 10 more- That's 30 there.

0:48:12 Lou: I don't need to go further. I just wanna make sure that it's clear that I am no longer competing in my combat and lay- And go prone.

0:48:19 Brennan: You go prone, bam! Amethar collapses, yeah I'm gonna have to roll initiative for Cruller now. That's not a great roll from ol’ Crully boy.

0:48:23 Zac: What’s your initiative?

0:48:26 Lou: I’m- 18.

0:48:28 Siobhan: (singing) Ohhh Crully Boy.

0:48:37 Brennan: Okay you disengage, you jump. Any other bonus action?

0:48:41 Lou: No, not at this time, nope, nope, nope.

0:48:46 Brennan: I believe you exit your rage ‘cause you didn't attack anyone this turn.

0:48:48 Lou: No, I'm now out of my rage.

0:48:52 Brennan: Okay. This gladiator laughs and takes some swings at Scravoya. As people announce like,

0:49:03 Announcer: The King has disqualified himself.

0:49:05 Brennan: He takes some swings at Scravoya and misses both times. I’m gonna make a Wisdom check for Scravoya in the Box of Doom.

0:49:21 Emily: Make sure you don't miss the Box of Doom.

0:49:24 Siobhan: Yeah, maybe keep your eyes open.

0:49:27 Brennan: She's gotta get an 11 or higher to make the more prudent call here. That's a 6.

0:49:38 Siobhan: Well.

0:49:38 Ally: (looking at Emily) I can't wait to see your Box of Doom roll where it bounces off the edge.

0:49:46 Brennan: Scravoya fully dishonors herself, leaps over this. She's going to make—

0:49:50 Zac: Does Jet get an attack of opportunity on her?

0:49:53 Emily: Yeah, do I?

0:49:55 Brennan: She doesn't leave your threatened area.

0:49:57 Murph: Is she trying to kill the king?

0:50:00 Brennan: She has a blunted weapon.

0:50:03 Emily: She's definitely got some kind of…

0:50:08 Murph: They’re not within 30 feet of here, are they? (tense music)

0:50:09 Lou: No.

0:50:10 Zac: No.

0:50:10 Murph: Fuck!

0:50:11 Emily: She’s got some kind of poison pin.

0:50:14 Siobhan: I don't think it's her. I think it's one of the other two.

0:50:16 Murph: I think it's somebody who's invisible.

0:50:18 Zac: I don't think it's any of them.

0:50:20 Siobhan: Oh shit!

0:50:23 Brennan: She misses on the first, even though you're prone, hits on the second for-

0:50:33 Emily: All right balls to the fucking wall. I'm going after Scravoya now.

0:50:36 Brennan: 13 plus 4, she does 17. Amethar is unconscious. (Emily screams)

0:50:41 Ally: 17?

0:50:47 Brennan: She wails on him with a blunted ax. Amethar goes prone. People start screaming. You see that Basha looks around. It's like, the look on her face is that she thinks Amethar was cheating. She's like, I said I was gonna beat his ass and then I hit him and he tried to run away. Then, that's going to be Lord Citron, not taking his eye off the ball here.

0:51:00 Emily: (incredulous) He’s going back to archery?

0:51:07 Lou: My guy wants that seat!

0:51:13 Brennan: Actually, Scravoya leaps and shakes the ground and his arrow just (plink!) goes straight up into the air on a nat 1.

0:51:20 Liam: So I'm still winning?

0:51:22 Theobald: Nice job, Liam!

0:51:24 Brennan: Lapin, it's your turn.

0:51:25 Zac: Lapin is gonna push both the Lord and Lady Swirlie onto the other Primogen-

0:51:31 Murph: Oh, hell yeah!

0:51:37 Zac: And with the hopes that their cups of wine blind her briefly.

0:51:43 Brennan: (laughs in slight disbelief) Go ahead and give me-

0:51:45 Zac: Hip check them.

0:51:45 Murph: Just like distract the- Yeah.

0:51:47 Brennan: Just hip check them. Lord Swirlie and Lady Swirlie are not very strong, so we're just going to call this, I think a DC- I'm honestly gonna call it- Well actually I'll roll for them.

0:52:00 Zac: And what's the-

0:52:01 Brennan: I rolled a natural 2. So all you gotta do is beat a 3 on an Athletics. So you need a 5 or higher.

0:52:07 Zac: Okay.

0:52:08 Brennan: Cause you have minus 1 strength, right?

0:52:09 Zac: Yes.

0:52:10 Murph: Come on, Lapin.

0:52:10 Zac: 5 or higher?

0:52:12 Brennan: 5 or higher on Athletics.

0:52:13 Zac: 19.

0:52:14 Brennan: Great. You reach in and some warlock- You feel the sugar of the Sugar-Plum Fairy. You mightily shove both Lord and Lady and the wine goes fucking crashing everywhere. (spilling sound effect) Primogen Alfredi is soaked.

0:52:32 Zac: Okay as that happens and her— She is hopefully blinded I am going to bonus action heal the King with my Healing Light which is 30 foot radius.

0:52:43 Brennan: You might not be in range my guy, we're going to find out right now.

0:52:49 Emily: You could push-

0:52:49 Zac: Or I'm sorry, it's 60 feet.

0:52:53 Brennan: 60 feet, that is a very— King is within range. (Emily sighs in relief)

0:52:58 Zac: And I'm going to heal him for 3d6.

0:53:04 Ally: Oh wow.

0:53:06 Zac: I feel like he's— Something’s fucked up, right?

0:53:10 Brennan: He goes prone for sure, yeah.

0:53:13 Murph: Amethar like running away from a fight and then collapsing as you-

0:53:16 Zac: Do I do a Deception check now? Or should I do a Deception check like-

0:53:22 Brennan: You should do- Well, we don't need it. You're gonna roll your hit points in a second. Do your Deception check now and do it with advantage because of the commotion that you caused. (sighs)

0:53:35 Zac: That is only a 14.

0:53:39 Brennan: Okay.

0:53:40 Zac: A nat 1 and a 5.

0:53:41 Emily: 14's good though, don't downplay 14!

0:53:44 Brennan: You have advantage, 14. We're gonna roll Alfredi’s insight. Now she's got disadvantage because of what you did as well, but she gets a plus 5 to this roll. So the lower of these rolls needs to be 8 or less. I've designed a battle that makes me feel scared and nervous. Lou has his hands on Siobhan and Zac’s shoulders for support. Siobhan is holding Lou’s hand in hers.

0:54:03 Brennan: I'm also— (stands up and begins the roll) All right.

0:54:06 Lou: She needs 8 or less.

0:54:08 Brennan: She needs 8 or less.

0:54:10 Emily: But she has disadvantage.

0:54:12 Brennan: She has disadvantage, so the lower needs to be- What did you roll again?

0:54:15 Lou: 14.

0:54:15 Brennan: 14, she gets plus 5. So she needs a 9 or higher to clock it. So an 8 or lower on the lower die. Brennan rolls the dice and does not tell the cast what he rolled, though the screen shows the audience a 2 and a 7.

0:54:27 Brennan: Now we're gonna roll the—

0:54:30 Siobhan: You son of a bitch!

0:54:32 Brennan: Now we're gonna go ahead and roll just for like anyone else here to notice something. Who else would even notice you?

0:54:46 Zac: All those other people are in front of me too.

0:54:48 Brennan: Yeah.

0:54:49 Lou: Yeah, yeah!

0:54:52 Siobhan: The Pontifex?

0:54:53 Brennan: Actually, nobody but the Lady and the Ceresian, I'll roll for them anyway at a disadvantage because they're probably not worried about that. And they all just have to- The lower one will have to be a 14 or higher. Brennan rolls the dice and again doesn’t tell the cast, but the audience sees a 4 and an 8.

0:55:11 Brennan: Okay.

0:55:14 Lou: My man is rolling these, you know, what is this called? Box of Doom rolls? I can't even talk anymore.

0:55:20 Emily: I wanna break your Box of Doom.

0:55:23 Brennan: Amethar.

0:55:24 Siobhan: Fucking break your glasses, you don’t even wear them but I’m gonna fucking break them anyway.

0:55:26 Zac: Oh, do I roll his hit points, or?

0:55:27 Brennan: Now roll the hit points, yes.

0:55:27 Zac: Okay, can I use this?

0:55:29 Lou: Of course, you can use literally whatever you want, Lapin.

0:55:31 Zac: 6, 6, 1.

0:55:33 Ally: Hey, hell yeah.

0:55:35 Emily: Okay, 13!

0:55:37 Brennan: 6, 6, 1? Okay, 13. Amethar, everything goes black for a moment. And you feel your throat closing up and you are in a massive field of wheat. (imitates wind whooshing) You look down at the ground, peppered with javelins and arrows, your sister Rococoa looks up at you. You never saw her alive in this position. You discovered her dead here. She looks up and goes,

0:56:17 Rococoa: (whispering) Can't give up the fight that soon.

0:56:20 Brennan: And you come to and you regain these hit points. You were filled—  You managed to disguise yourself so well that you just do your hands like, sort of within your cape and— But Amethar is sort of filled with holy light and you are still prone, but on your turn, you can use half your movement to stand up.

0:56:44 Lou: Okay... will I? That's the question.

0:56:50 Zac: If this guy keeps swinging at you while you're prone-

0:56:54 Lou: I mean yeah, I have to- You’re right.

0:56:56 Brennan: Okay, that is Lapin. Bonathan is- But he’s like-

0:57:05 Siobhan: Bonathan, you son of a bitch!

0:57:06 Brennan: He's gonna charge Annabelle. Takes some swings at old Annabelle here. That's two hits on Annabelle again, damn! Yeah, Annabelle's looking hurt! After Bonathan, Plumbeline stands up herself and is going to leap the fence here, leap here and just start to run off. (gasps)

0:57:25 Emily: Yeah, I thought so.

0:57:45 Brennan: That's a hard beat. She takes off running and then Annabelle is going to go. I'm gonna have her make a Perception check, actually.

0:58:02 Jet: (pointing at Annabelle) Annabelle, something's wrong with my dad and I am going to exit this fight, but I promise you, the boon is yours, okay? I feel bad for reneging on this promise that we made, the boon is yours.

0:58:18 Brennan: She looks over at Scravoya who's raising her axe again and says,

0:58:25 Annabelle: Right, I don't need no charity. I'll tell you how we settle this.

0:58:29 Brennan: She's going to run up and attempt to disarm Scravoya—

0:58:31 Emily: Uhhhh!

0:58:33 Brennan: Which is a risky proposition. She got a 15 and that means Scravoya on a 7 or higher is going to not be affected. She goes to disarm and Scravoya just drops down the axe, Annabelle takes a step back and is not able to disarm Scravoya. That's going to be- Constano looks at you say that as well and says,

0:59:03 Grissini: Is there something wrong?

0:59:05 Jet: Yes, someone is still trying to kill my father. You saw this happen yesterday and it is happening today. I knew it. I'm a little bit psychic and I sensed it was going to happen today.

0:59:15 Brennan: You see that Constano throws his spear, throws the spear on the ground-

0:59:19 Ruby: Stop telling people you have magic, they will murder you.

0:59:24 Brennan: Constano throws his spear on the ground and begins to wave at the Pontifex and Senator Ciabatta. He's speaking Ceresian and in Ceresian he's going,

0:59:34 Grissini: Senator Ciabatta, something is wrong. Something is wrong!

0:59:37 Ally: Can I turn around since I understand Ceresian?

0:59:40 Brennan: Everyone- Yeah, you understand Ceresian so you hear him say that.

0:59:43 Ruby: What did he say?

0:59:44 Liam: Something’s wrong with your dad.

0:59:46 Brennan: He leaps into this pit as well. That's going to be- That's Constano's turn, Theo, that's going to be you.

0:59:56 Murph: Full dash. (laughs)

1:00:02 Brennan: (to Lou) Your boy!

1:00:03 Murph: I take the quickest path, I’m like, jumping over-

1:00:04 Emily: You should unharness the Meep!

1:00:05 Murph: (counting tiles across the set) 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60. So I want to do a full dash till I’m just, like, hopping over fences and then I'm gonna Action Surge— Brennan lets out an impressed breath.

1:00:32 Murph: And jump the fence and fucking dive and try to grab her ax. (laughs)

1:00:35 Siobhan: Sick!

1:00:38 Brennan: Incredible. Go ahead and give me opposed Athletics.

1:00:42 Murph: Sweet, can I have Sprinkle help me?

1:00:45 Brennan: Yes Sprinkle’s right on your back.

1:00:47 Murph: I'm not trying to win a fucking tournament right now.

1:00:50 Brennan: So you’d have to beat- Scravoya, only rolled a 4! So that's a 13, you just gotta beat a 13 on Athletics.

1:00:55 Murph: Okay, come on!

1:00:56 Emily: You got this!

1:00:58 Murph: Oh my god, 24!

1:01:01 Brennan: You guys see as you look at Plumbeline, like, with like fucking rage tears, you like extend the hand of honor, she smacks it out of the way, gets up, walks away, her dreams dashed in a fucking instant. You rush up, you guys see Theo turn- The second you hear shouting, you see your King on the ground. You guys, Theo has always been a stiff guy. This fucking, like, jungle cat fucking like- Just like- He bounces, leaps, hurdles over the fucking fence (mimics jumping), another fence, clears it. You leap through the air, tuck and roll and rip out of the 10 foot tall Scravoya’s hands, rip, disarm and toss the fucking ax out of the ring.

1:01:45 Ruby: How has he just always been this cool? What's going on?

1:01:48 Theobald: The fight is over!

1:01:50 Liam: So cool.

1:01:53 Theobald: Everyone go home.

1:01:54 Jet: Okay, Theo you can teach me a disarming blow too.

1:01:58 Brennan: Awesome, Theo doing the fucking bodyguard best, baby. Lou, who has been spinning his pencil between his fingers, loses his grip on it and flings it into Zac and then onto the floor.

1:02:04 Siobhan: Jesus Christ, fucking Ally’d that pencil.

1:02:08 Brennan: Ruby, that's going to be you.

1:02:10 Siobhan: Oh fuck! Well, I see all of this commotion behind me. That seems more important than shooting arrows to me right now. Um... fuck! Can I do a Perception check on what's happening with- Is that still in play, this Perception checks situation?

1:02:36 Brennan: No. Amethar's move has made this clear as day for all.

1:02:41 Siobhan: Okay, great. Oh god, I don’t—

1:02:45 Zac: Can we see Perception on anything else?

1:02:48 Brennan: You're welcome to just roll a Perception check on—

1:02:49 Siobhan: Yeah, can I just see what, like… Here's what I would like to do. Is I would like to have Yak fly up and Yak has plus 4 to perception.

1:03:03 Brennan: Cool.

1:03:05 Siobhan: And I can basically warg into Yak for an action, see what's going on.

1:03:10 Zac: Does that look like anything?

1:03:15 Brennan: If it's not a spell that takes an action to cast, look—

1:03:18 Siobhan: It's part of Find Familiar.

1:03:21 Brennan: So it does not take an action, it will not register as a spell.

1:03:24 Siobhan: Great. It’s a 6.

1:03:28 Murph: You do have to use an action.

1:03:30 Siobhan: Oh really?

1:03:32 Murph: Yeah, additionally as an action, you can see through your familiar's eyes and hear what it hears. Until the start of your next turn-

1:03:37 Siobhan: Okay, well, in which case I won't do that. Then I just got a 5 on my Perception check.

1:03:41 Brennan: Okay, you got a 5 perception check? You're looking around. It's just chaos, your dad’s on the ground, it's scary.

1:03:47 Siobhan: Okay, I'm gonna jump over and be with Jet, so that we can have our Locket of the Sweetest within 5 feet of each other.

1:04:00 Emily: Yeah.

1:04:01 Siobhan: Because that's it. I just— It's more important, Liam's already winning.

1:04:07 Brennan: Cool.

1:04:08 Siobhan: That's more important to me. Do I need to make a jump check?

1:04:10 Brennan: Oh yeah, give me a little Athletics.

1:04:13 Siobhan: Or Acrobatics?

1:04:13 Brennan: Acrobatics, yeah.

1:04:15 Siobhan: 20, not nat.

1:04:17 Brennan: You flip over. Are you sending Yak up regardless or no?

1:04:21 Siobhan: Yeah I think so, just like-

1:04:23 Brennan: Cool, so you flip over here, you get on this side of your sister over here, right? You wanna be within 5 feet of her?

1:04:29 Siobhan: Yeah.

1:04:30 Brennan: Cool and Yak takes off and begins to- I’ll put Yak over here. Awesome, that is Ruby. Cruller leaps the fence, lands down here, runs over (rolling dice) and you see that he slashes the belt of Bonathan, the vegetable knight, so that his pants fall down. He goes (slashing noises) and says,

1:04:59 Calroy: The fight’s over!

1:05:02 Emily: Yeah Bonathan!

1:05:04 Siobhan: Yeah, you fucking idiot.

1:05:05 Emily: The fight’s over, Bonathan!

1:05:06 Murph: Hey Bonathan, chill.

1:05:06 Lou: Bonathan, calm down!

1:05:10 Brennan: You see that Bonathan goes like,

1:05:11 Bonathan: (Screaming) Ahh! My honor!

1:05:13 Brennan: You see Calroy, walks over, leans down to you. You see like genuine panic in his eyes as he touches you and he goes,

1:05:20 Calroy: Amethar, can you speak?

1:05:21 Lou: Can I?

1:05:22 Brennan: You cannot. He starts looking around everywhere and just shouts,

1:05:28 Calroy: (shouting) We need a healer!

1:05:31 Brennan: You see, as he shouts “we need a healer”, Freccia also not taking her eyes off the fucking prize— (rolling dice) That's a bad roll.

1:05:39 Siobhan: Read the room! Read the room!

1:05:43 Lou: Who’s Freccia?

1:05:47 Emily: I guess fucking win this tournament!

1:05:51 Lou: Who’s Freccia?

1:05:53 Siobhan: The pasta archer.

1:05:55 Theobald: Hey, come on Liam!

1:05:58 Brennan: You see that the Paladin Keradin when— So Cruller looks right at Keradin and says,

1:06:05 Calroy: (Shouting) We need a healer!

1:06:07 Brennan: Keradin looks over at him sort of wide-eyed and begins to run. Technically he can't move through your guys spaces while you are combatants. Scravoya is still very much fighting even though she's disarmed. So he goes (counting tiles) 5, 10, 15. He makes an Athletics check, he succeeds, 15, 20 and looks to see if you're gonna part to let him go through to your dad.

1:06:41 Ruby: Drop your weapon.

1:06:43 Jet: (to Keradin) Yeah. Ready an action and I will shove you down to him!

1:06:44 Ruby: Drop your weapon!

1:06:45 Brennan: He drops his mace, he goes- He takes a full movement to kneel down near Amethar but it's more movement than he has so he has to- He misses his action.

1:07:00 Emily: Yeah.

1:07:03 Brennan: Keradin. Liam, that's you!

1:07:09 Ally: Great. Okay. Can I kneel down and look like I'm petting Preston and try to cast something?

1:07:18 Brennan: Can you kneel down and pet Preston and look like you're trying to cast- Sorry, repeat that one.

1:07:23 Ally: Oh, sorry. I wanna cast Detect Poison and Disease to see where this came from. But can I roll, like, some sort of Deception?

1:07:32 Brennan: Deception? You can absolutely roll Deception.

1:07:33 Ally: Okay, cool.

1:07:34 Brennan: If Preston's helping you with that, then you can get advantage on your roll.

1:07:37 Emily: Feel free to let me know.

1:07:39 Ally: (sigh of relief) Phew, good, alright. I got a 10.

1:07:43 Brennan: ...10? (laughs)

1:07:43 Ally: A nat 1 was in there.

1:07:45 Brennan: Oh, okay, I'm gonna roll here real quick. You might've been noticed, you might not, you're not sure.

1:07:54 Ally: I cast Detect Poison and Disease ‘cause he looks really sick, from what I can see is happening to him.

1:08:00 Brennan: There's definite poison.

1:08:02 Ally: So I can- I identify the kind of poison, the poisonous creature and the disease. And I can see, like, the location of the poisons.

1:08:10 Brennan: ...Can I read that card real quick? (Murph laughs) Ally passes their card to Brennan.

1:08:14 Siobhan: Yes, Liam!

1:08:18 Emily: It says, “I can fuck up your shit.”

1:08:20 Brennan: (looking at the camera) I hate having my shit fucked! (laughs)

1:08:26 Zac: Location!

1:08:31 Emily: Let me know if you see it, ‘cause I go next and I will fucking attack that—

1:08:38 Brennan: You detect a poison, there is a poison cocktail within Amethar. The effect that he failed the saving throw against was the weakest effect, meaning that the others were worse. He successfully saved to take half damage from one that was poison damage that bypassed rage, ‘cause it was poison damage.

1:09:05 Siobhan: That 22 was half damage?

1:09:07 Brennan: Correct. So that was halved, right? Additionally, so the effects this has are- It can deal a lot of damage as we've discovered. King Amethar saved for half. It can grant the poison condition, which is basically disadvantage on attacks and saves and bad, saved against that. And it silences the other person for one hour. So currently, the poison coursing in Amethar’s body will not deal him any more damage. You detect other poison as Sir Keradin kneels down.

1:09:33 Siobhan: (gasps) Son of a bitch!

1:10:00 Brennan: You see, you smell on the wind that same poison in two daggers.

1:10:07 Ally: Okay and then with my bonus action I cast Hunter's Mark on Keradin.

1:10:13 Brennan: Okay, that- There is no deception there-

1:10:14 Ally: I don’t care!

1:10:15 Brennan: You stand up- Hunter's Mark is like you're like calling someone out as your prey. Liam stands up and does what?

1:10:21 Ally: I say,

1:10:21 Liam: Fuck you carrot, you're going down!

1:10:27 Ally: And I prepare (takes out an arrow) and now all my attacks on him will also get an extra d6 as well as like a bunch of other stuff.

1:10:34 Brennan: Cool, so you just say “Fuck you, carrot”.

1:10:36 Theobald: Liam, why? Why?

1:10:38 Liam: He is horrible, he's bad, he's trying to definitely kill the king! Preston?!

1:10:41 Preston: (cute pig noises)

1:10:45 Brennan: Okay, holy shit, that spell! (to the camera) It's always one fucking spell!

1:10:52 Siobhan: Yes, snitch!

1:10:52 Murph: Wow, I can't believe that! In what other campaign would, like, Detect Poison be like a super important thing?

1:10:57 Lou: Right?!

1:11:00 Siobhan: You taking that at all is like, alright, okay.

1:11:02 Brennan: I can’t— I’m going to have some fucking coffee!

1:11:03 Lou: Thank God you're a seed guy, Liam. Thank fucking God!

1:11:06 Siobhan: MVP Liam.

1:11:09 Ally: Hell yeah! And I think I also won that last round of archery! Just saying, just saying!

1:11:14 Brennan: Well, you've solved my little tournament puzzle, haven’t you? (laughs)

1:11:19 Brennan: Okay, fuck, Liam! Jesus!

1:11:23 Lou: Fuck, Liam! Yeah that's what you get! Wow!

1:11:30 Brennan: Okay. Jet that is your turn.

1:11:36 Emily: I dive after the carrot man and I'm going to attack. Okay, that's a miss. I'm gonna Action Surge to try and hit again. (rolls dice, everyone winces) Fuck!

1:11:48 Siobhan: Good Lord.

1:11:49 Emily: I'm emotional!

1:11:51 Ally: Nat 1!?

1:11:52 Siobhan: That last one was a Nat 1.

1:11:53 Brennan: So you rush over here to Keradin, it is a swamp there.

1:12:00 Murph: Just for anyone who's confused in the crowd, I am yelling “poison”.

1:12:04 Brennan: Okay, you're just yelling “poison”?

1:12:06 Theobald: He has poison!

1:12:07 Ally: (imitating the crowd) Poison? Poison!

1:12:09 Brennan: The crowd is fully gasping. (gasps)

1:12:11 Brennan: There is one dude in the box, who’s like,

1:12:13 Dude in the Box: Now, this is what I call a tournament!

1:12:16 Emily: Can I at least try to like wrestle the bottle out of his hand?

1:12:19 Brennan: Daggers, poison daggers. He's got two poison daggers in his belt. Fuck! Alright. (smiling, hands together) Ooh, this one stings.

1:12:28 Emily: Well I made up for it by rolling a 3 and then a 1.

1:12:31 Brennan: Cool, Jet. You rush, action surge.

1:12:38 Emily: Do I have, like, anything left in me that I can try and wrestle like one of these daggers away?

1:12:44 Brennan: Hold on, that's Jet. No, cause you have-

1:12:50 Emily: Reaction, bonus action?

1:12:51 Brennan: If you have a- Your bonus action is dash, disengage or- No.

1:12:56 Siobhan: She doesn’t have it- That’s level two rogue-

1:13:01 Brennan: Yeah, doesn’t have level two rogue. No, you got what you got. Sorry!

1:13:01 Emily: No, that’s fine.

1:13:01 Brennan: Amethar, that's you baby!

1:13:03 Murph: (to Emily) You can Second Wind, right?

1:13:04 Emily: No, I already used my action.

1:13:05 Brennan: (to Lou) You have your hit points, Lapin's gambit.

1:13:08 Lou: So at this point, I have hit points, I cannot talk, but everything else is...

1:13:13 Brennan: Is good. The poison was like a shock to your system. It has asphyxiated your throat, but you have a narrow canal to breathe through, which is why you're not dead.

1:13:21 Lou: And he has no weapon?

1:13:24 Brennan: He dropped his mace.

1:13:25 Siobhan: He has the daggers.

1:13:26 Lou: But he still has a shield?

1:13:26 Brennan: Still has his shield.

1:13:30 Lou: But based on Liam's shouting, do I know that this is the man who hurt me?

1:13:33 Brennan: Um...

1:13:36 Emily: I mean, I just attacked him, your daughter just attacked him too.

1:13:38 Zac: He still has his fucking daggers though, so be careful.

1:13:41 Brennan: Liam has said, he's like, he's dangerous, he's got poison. You know, he's bad. He's trying to kill the king.

1:13:55 Lou: (mumbling) All I wanna do is to be dumb. (normal) Yeah, I'm gonna take up, I'm gonna stand up, half my movement. I’m gonna go into a rage.

1:14:03 Brennan: So, Jet, Ruby, Liam all take 2 points of damage?

1:14:11 Lou: Great, and then I'm gonna swing on him.

1:14:13 Brennan: Go for it.

1:14:17 Lou: That's gonna hit, that's a 25, oh no, 23.

1:14:22 Brennan: That certainly hits.

1:14:24 Lou: Great. And he didn't do damage to me last round, so it's just the 2d6?

1:14:28 Ally: Didn't he do damage to you? Isn’t it why you’re sick?

1:14:30 Emily: No, that was like two rounds ago.

1:14:33 Ally: Oh, gotcha, sorry.

1:14:35 Zac: Whoa, real bad deja vu.

1:14:38 Ally: Really? (laughs)

1:14:40 Lou: 6 plus 9 for 15.

1:14:43 Brennan: You do 15, you swing your blunted sword and crack him over the head (mimics action). A little bit of blood comes out of his head as he whips and turns around, as Liam is shouting you see the expression on his face has changed into a completely blank soft expression as he looks at you.

1:15:03 Lou: And then, can I use my movement? I can move through my allies.

1:15:08 Brennan: Yes, you can.

1:15:09 Lou: But I would provoke an attack of opportunity.

1:15:11 Brennan: If you leave anyone's threatened area, you will.

1:15:14 Lou: So if I leave, is she— Meat Lady has no weapon.

1:15:20 Brennan: Got no weapons, so she might take a swing at you for, like, a couple points of damage unarmed, but-

1:15:24 Lou: Is he attacking me with a dagger, a poison dagger?

1:15:26 Brennan: He had a hand out to heal you and it's not his turn yet, so he's unarmed at the moment.

1:15:31 Lou: Great then I would like to move through Theobald and then Ruby, like, to that corner.

1:15:38 Brennan: Cool, you move over here, through your allies. Scravoya- Oh actually she's got 10 feet of reach, which means that you never leave her threatened area. You like, duck under her arms. There’s one way in 5e in which reach is actually kinda bad. (singing) Little game tips! So, Amethar, you take a swing on Keradin, move back, and this dude right here (the Ceresian gladiator) turns and runs. (laughs)

1:16:13 Ally: What's up with that guy, though?

1:16:16 Siobhan: Yeah, I think he's suspicious.

1:16:17 Ally: Anyone running.

1:16:20 Siobhan: And what about this guy here?

1:16:21 Brennan: Scravoya is gonna make another Wisdom check. Fucking nat 1, what is wrong! She's gonna swing out and lash out at Amethar. That is a hit. You take 4 points of damage

1:16:40 Lou: Halved to 2?

1:16:41 Brennan: Halved to 2, and another 4 halved to 2 as she just wails at you with these huge steak fists.

1:16:47 Jet: Oh my God, Scravoya! Can’t you see that everyone else is- Look, something else is going on!

1:16:49 Murph: Focus up!

1:16:51 Brennan: Oh, she's focused. She's extremely focused!

1:16:53 Murph: Too focused!

1:16:55 Brennan: Yeah, focus down if anything. Okay, that's Scravoya. In the commotion these archers stopped, knowing that they'll probably not get awarded anything if they keep shooting. Lapin, that's gonna be you!

1:17:12 Zac: I understand that it seems like everyone is fighting the Paladin and that seems like he is probably poisoned. And I met him with the- I met him on the walk to the food pyramid with the- Alfredi and the Pontifex, correct?

1:17:31 Brennan: Yes, Keradin was- He’s a Paladin of the Bulbian Church, he's a Vegetanian Knight by birth, but he is not a Paladin of House Cabbage. He is a Paladin of the Church, he’s like, part of a whole-

1:17:38 Emily: I think he’s under a spell!

1:17:45 Zac: Yeah, can I make an Arcana check to be able to tell if he was under spell or not?

1:17:50 Brennan: It's not gonna be as good as, like, a Detect Magic spell would be, but you can make Arcana.

1:17:54 Zac: Okay, is that my turn if I do that?

1:17:57 Brennan: No, that's for free.

1:17:57 Zac: Okay. Ooh, that is 18.

1:18:02 Brennan: If there is magic present here, it's not manifesting in a way that you can see visibly. That either means there's no magic present or it means the magic that is present has been carefully disguised, as it would have to be.

1:18:16 Zac: Okay, can I make a perception check on the Pontifex and Alfredi?

1:18:24 Brennan: Yeah, go ahead. You want Perception or Insight?

1:18:27 Zac: Insight, I guess.

1:18:28 Brennan: Go ahead and give me an Insight. You can give me an Insight check on the whole table, on the whole box and depending on how well you do, I'll say every 4 points above 10 is another person that you get to ask a question about.

1:18:43 Zac: That's a… Oh, well, I got a, 13. (soft music)

1:18:47 Brennan: So who are you looking at primarily?

1:18:56 Zac: Hmm. I’m looking at the Pontifex.

1:19:00 Brennan: You look at the Pontifex, you see her mouth agape, staring in open disbelief, unbecoming of- You know, she's like the highest status person literally within sight and nobody's fucking looking at her except for you. So she's mouth agape staring in disbelief at what's going on in the melee below.

1:19:29 Zac: I'm going to stay up there and-

1:19:37 Brennan: She looks a little stunned if I'm being honest.

1:19:48 Zac: Hm. Can I just talk to Alfredi and say,

1:19:50 Lapin: Alfredi, what is going on? What is the Paladin doing?

1:19:56 Brennan: You look at Alfredi, she's covered in wine and screaming at Lord and Lady Swirlie, so she's fully not focused up on anything other than she's mad she's covered in wine.

1:20:08 Zac: Okay. Well, I'll just stay up there and continue to look around, ‘cause I don't know what the fuck is going on.

1:20:18 Brennan: Yeah, let me say, if you look at- With that 14 Insight the Pontifex looks stunned into inaction, I will say, like, you do you see what I'm saying?

1:20:25 Zac: So this is just- Maybe the plan went wrong?

1:20:29 Brennan: Uh, no, I don’t think—

1:20:29 Emily: I think it's Plumerina!

1:20:35 Brennan: I think that- It’s not like- First of all, you're looking at the back of her head so you're not getting a great read on her face. What you see is a woman stunned into inaction. You can't read any deeper motivation. If she's the secret mastermind behind everything she could be stunned because the plan is going wrong, if she didn't know what was happening she could be stunned because a nice melee got turned to a fucking bloodbath and the king got poisoned. Like there's very good reasons on every end of the spectrum to be stunned by what's happening here.

1:20:59 Zac: I'm just going to yell,

1:20:59 Lapin: Call off the fight!

1:21:03 Brennan: You see the Pontifex looks, you say that- Go ahead and give me just Persuasion with advantage.

1:21:13 Zac: Persuasion? It’s 21.

1:21:18 Brennan: The Pontifex whips around to look at you, for a brief moment you have given a kind of command to one of the most powerful people in the world. She turns around and says,

1:21:27 Pontifex: (in an intimidating voice) Stop this at once! Sir Keradin, kneel!

1:21:33 Brennan: Keradin uses his reaction to heavily drop to one knee. You- That's your turn. The horns blow, the fight has stopped. Even Scravoya stands back as the horns blow.

1:21:49 Siobhan: Are we still in initiative?

1:21:51 Brennan: We still are, ‘cause shit is still happening. Annabelle rushes over here. (rolls dice) Oh Jesus! She got a 22 on her Athletics! Annabelle leaps, twists through the air in this acrobatic spiral, slams into Keradin and knocks him prone on the ground and is on top of him.

1:22:26 Jet: Yeah! You get that boon!

1:22:28 Brennan: As he kneels, she just, like, lands into him, (landing motion) bam! Slams to the ground.

1:22:33 Jet: Boon's yours, boo!

1:22:37 Brennan: Constano runs into the middle of the archery range, calls to the Imperial guard and basically just starts barking orders in Ceresian being like,

1:22:46 Grissini: Arrest anyone fleeing at once! Find them! Arrest them! Don't let anyone leave without being asked questions!

1:22:53 Brennan: Just goes full cop basically. And after Constano that's Theo.

1:23:02 Murph: Oh boy! I am gonna hold my turn and just kinda watch and see what happens. Or you know what, just to make sure nothing shiesty happens- Because Theo's getting flashes of cheese people pretending to be meat people, seeing this vegetable dude and wondering if this is just a fucking spectacle. So I wanna go over while those two are wrestling and like, whip up his cape and try to like pull out the daggers, whatever Liam was yelling about.

1:23:38 Brennan: Okay, great, they are in a grapple, so it's gonna be hard to do, but he's also grappled, which gives you advantage on him, so we're just gonna say advantage and disadvantage cancel out. You just gonna have to give me a Sleight of Hand check.

1:23:49 Murph: Fuck me!

1:23:50 Emily: Yeah, Annabelle could be just putting on a show.

1:23:53 Siobhan: Sprinkle can help!

1:23:55 Murph: Can I have Sprinkle help me?

1:23:57 Brennan: Advantages and disadvantages don't stack. Once you got- If you have one, no matter how much of the other you have-

1:24:02 Murph: I don't have a great Sleight of Hand, but I'll try it anyway. Fucking 7.

1:24:06 Brennan: Okay, you go like, fumbling around to try to get him. After you, that's gonna be Ruby.

1:24:20 Siobhan: If I cast a spell that takes an action, it's an obvious spell, right?

1:24:25 Brennan: Unless you do Deception.

1:24:27 Siobhan: What about if it's a bonus action?

1:24:31 Brennan: I will still ask for a Deception roll.

1:24:39 Siobhan: Fuck it, I'm gonna risk it, ‘cause this is crazy. So that's a 17 to Deception. I would like to cast Hex on the carrot guy, which gives him disadvantage on- If I were to Sleight of Hand him what ability score from him would I need to- Is it a Wisdom? Is it a Perception check or would it be a Dexterity check?

1:25:09 Brennan: So you wanna Hex him?

1:25:11 Siobhan: Yes, which gives him disadvantage on a check.

1:25:13 Brennan: Gotcha, okay, so you Hex him with a bonus action then what are you trying to do with your action- You’re trying to-

1:25:20 Siobhan: Do what Theo tried to do, is to grab the daggers. So I would like to have Yak fly in, give me advantage, try and grab the daggers.

1:25:30 Brennan: Okay, so you're gonna have advantage on this roll, we'll say that Hex gives you advantage. This is Sleight of Hand-

1:25:40 Siobhan: Great, which I have plus 7 to.

1:25:42 Brennan: This is going to be DC 20. You have- But remember, because he's in a tussle, advantage and disadvantage cancel out, so if it's just a straight roll, so you gotta get a 13 or higher.

1:25:54 Siobhan: Okay. (suspense music) 13! (cheering)

1:25:56 Brennan: Oh my God! Ruby slides in underneath Annabelle and whips two poison daggers.

1:26:03 Ruby: I have them! The poison daggers! The assassin!

1:26:05 Jet: Be careful!

1:26:06 Ruby: (quietly) I'm being careful!

1:26:08 Jet: I’m saying this for yourself, don’t eat anything from them!

1:26:10 Ruby: I'm not going to, why would I do that?

1:26:11 Brennan: You guys see two blades made of- This is the second liquid material you've seen here, but this is not milk. You see blades of pure water.

1:26:20 Siobhan: Never in this kingdom!

1:26:29 Brennan: You almost never see pure water. This is so deadly, specifically to sugar. You pull it out. Now a very important roll’s going to happen. A 17 is good, but it's not great. So we're going to the Box of Doom. (upbeat music)

1:26:57 Brennan: Plus 5 on Insight, so a 12 or higher is going to do it. (rolls dice, looks right into the camera, exasperated, then sighs) That's a natural 1. (cheerful screams)

1:27:23 Murph: Oh my God!

1:27:26 Zac: We're fucking your shit up!

1:27:28 Siobhan: Yeah, fuck you Brennan!

1:27:29 Brennan: (suddenly whips around from putting the Box away to yell) So close! I was so close!

1:27:33 Siobhan: Ah, two reveals so far, Brennan!

1:27:35 Emily: How does it feel to get your shit fucked up?

1:27:38 Brennan: Incredible! You pull the daggers, that's Ruby. You see Cruller is the last in the initiative order. He looks at you pulling the poison daggers, does a little bow to you to disguise the fact that he kicks Keradin in the head very quickly. You see that Constano already has Imperial Guards rushing for Keradin right now. Everyone gasps (crowd gasps) as you hold the daggers aloft. You cast a little divine magic thing. Cruller is gonna move, dash, bonus action, dash and you see he goes,

1:28:19 Calroy: See to your father!

1:28:21 Brennan: And he sees the fucking escaping gladiator and just (running motion) starts to gun down after him, like, clears the fucking fence, like not gonna let the dude get away and we are out of combat!

1:28:29 Murph: Hell yeah!

1:28:36 Ally: Whoa, really?

1:28:38 Brennan: We're out of combat.

1:28:39 Emily: Can I do an Insight check?

1:28:40 Brennan: Keradin is fully disarmed, Ruby is holding the last two weapons he had. You guys played that- This was a very unorthodox combat and you guys played every single move that you needed to play to not have the worst happen, congratulations!

1:28:57 Siobhan: Stop trying to kill my dad!

1:28:58 Murph: Oh my god!

1:28:58 Brennan: Stop having your dad be the king!

1:29:00 Siobhan: Fuck you!

1:29:01 Brennan: Fuck you!

1:29:03 Ally: (to Murph) This next roll would’ve been 2d10 and a d6 damage.

1:29:06 Emily: I said that they were coming after my father. Don’t you remember when I messaged you and I said that I was worried about my dad in this fight?

1:29:09 Murph: Yeah!

1:29:11 Brennan: The hubbub ends, Scravoya walks away coming out of whatever rage she was in. Keradin is seized by the Tartguard— He's got a Tartguard on one arm and an Imperial soldier on the other. He goes limp, he's just staring straight ahead expressionless. The Pontifex points her finger and says,

1:29:29 Pontifex: Sir Keradin Deeproot, you are under arrest for the attempted murder of King Amethar of the House of Rocks.

1:29:40 Brennan: You see that Alfredi looks at the king standing up, you see her look over at you, Lapin, for a moment just to see what you're doing and then looks back at the events going on. You see Constano there says,

1:29:57 Grissini: By the order of his Imperial Majesty, the Concordant Emperor Gustavo Uvano, I place you under arrest.

1:30:05 Brennan: And (handcuffs clicking) locks him up in addition to this religious arrest that the Pontifex has put him under. You see immediately, Alfredi gets up, walks out of the box, walks over to the corner where Amethar is standing and heals the poison condition on you.

1:30:20 Amethar: (gasps) Ah!

1:30:24 Ruby: Pops!

1:30:25 Jet: Father!

1:30:26 Siobhan: I rush over and give him a hug.

1:30:27 Brennan: Ruby and Jet, you guys rush over to your dad.

1:30:29 Emily: Actually, before I do that though, I do want to go over to Annabelle and give her a really deep handshake and, like, get deep in her face and deep in her eyes and say,

1:30:37 Jet: It was an honor to fight alongside you.

1:30:40 Emily: And then I want to do some kind of like, Insight check into whether or not she was putting on a show when she went after the carrot guy.

1:30:48 Brennan: Go ahead and give me an Insight check.

1:30:50 Emily: I wanna make her weak in the knees, so that—

1:30:53 Brennan: If you want to do a Persuasion to give you advantage on the Insight-

1:30:56 Ally: (laughing) Using the word ‘deep’ five times with a lesbian?

1:30:57 Emily: Yeah.

1:30:58 Brennan: Give me a Persuasion, let's see how good you do on this Charisma check.

1:31:01 Emily: Okay, bad Persuasion.

1:31:03 Brennan: So, just roll a standard Insight check.

1:31:08 Emily: 15!

1:31:10 Brennan: You look at Annabelle, she seems to be going through a lot. A lot is- You have to believe that this is like the craziest shit that ever- It's like, this day could have been legendary just for Sir Theobald unhorsing the daughter of the Concordant Emperor and removing her possibility- You know. So, you see this is all fucked! But instead of that being-

1:31:40 Murph: It has been like, 30 seconds, the most insane 30 seconds!

1:31:44 Siobhan: Liam’s on the Council—

1:31:47 Ally: Yeah!

1:31:49 Siobhan: Theobald gets to nominate somebody to be King-

1:31:52 Ally: Can I roll a perception with advantage to start speaking like “all of my time in nature has given me the ability to detect poison” or, you know, just to start—

1:31:59 Zac: Do people notice that or do we even-

1:32:06 Brennan: Your Deception was not that great when you did your Deception to disguise that spell. Go ahead- because your Deception wasn't that great that first time I'll let you roll another Deception with advantage this time.

1:32:16 Ally: Okay. Yeah.

1:32:17 Brennan: Oh sorry, with disadvantage.

1:32:19 Ally: With disadvantage? Okay. Just to kind of start talking about, like-

1:32:21 Siobhan: Can I give him the help action?

1:32:25 Brennan: Yeah, you can cancel out. Just roll one die, this is gonna be your Deception.

1:32:28 Ruby: Liam is so good at poison, knowing what poisons are!

1:32:31 Theobald: Well done, Liam!

1:32:33 Ally: Bad.

1:32:34 Siobhan: Well, okay. Could have been worse!

1:32:36 Ally: It’s 3.

1:32:38 Emily: If Annabelle was fine, though, was that just the end of it? She’s just-

1:32:44 Brennan: I mean, look- Like, all this crazy- Like, a crazy political event happened over here (points at where Theo unhorsed Plumbeline), the craziest political event happened over here (points at where Amethar went down).

1:32:47 Emily: But she seems-

1:32:51 Brennan: And also you, like a fucking long-forgotten memory, announced her personal shit everywhere. I guess she looks happy that an assassination almost happened so that everyone forgot that her fucking laundry got aired in front of the entire kingdom.

1:33:04 Emily: Okay, then I do wanna deeply apologize to her and say,

1:33:08 Jet: I'm sorry, I think I'm more at peace with where I stand than you are and I misjudged that situation. (soft music)

1:33:18 Annabelle: Your Highness, your father was just almost killed in front of both of us. You are young and you've spent your whole life in a kingdom which is very permissive about most things. I do not fault you for that. I would ask that in the future, if you respect someone, you will keep their honor by keeping their business on the other side of your mouth.

1:33:44 Jet: I want you to understand that I actually thought it was really badass that you did it, so I thought I was speaking your honor when I said that.

1:33:51 Brennan: She thinks for a moment, leans in very close to you, so that her cheek is almost touching your cheek and whispers into your ear,

1:33:57 Annabelle: I thought it was badass too. I just don't like to talk about it.

1:34:00 Jet: Duly noted. I'm gonna go check on my father.

1:34:05 Brennan: You go check on your dad. Amethar, you've got your two sweet princesses in front of you.

1:34:09 Amethar: (sighs) Oh!

1:34:12 Ruby: Oh, are you okay?

1:34:14 Amethar: No, I'm not okay!

1:34:15 Ruby: Who's trying to kill you?

1:34:16 Amethar: I don't know!

1:34:17 Ruby: What's going on?!

1:34:19 Amethar: I don't know!

1:34:20 Ruby: Can we fuck them up?

1:34:21 Amethar: No, we all need to slow down, alright? The way that we handle things- I'm not twenty anymore. We don't just go off fucking half-cocked, alright?

1:34:33 Ruby: No dad, you would have won if they hadn't poisoned you.

1:34:37 Lapin: (suddenly leaning in to join the conversation) Yes, my king!

1:34:41 Amethar: (leaning away from Lapin) What?! What?! (laughs)

1:34:46 Brennan: Theobald, you see that Grissini walks up. The place is now flooded with Imperial soldiers. You see, he walks up to you and says,

1:34:52 Grissini: Sir Theobald, do you wish for an escort for your king? We can get you to a safe house, back to your chambers in the Great Pyramid, wherever you need to go.

1:34:59 Theobald: Yes, I think before we move the king anywhere, I'd like to-

1:35:02 Murph: Is Calroy- What's the name of the—

1:35:04 Brennan: Cake?

1:35:06 Lou: Cal.

1:35:08 Brennan: Yeah, Cal.

1:35:10 Theobald: I would like for Cal to come back for someone to be with him. I would like to be part of the investigation on Keradin. I would like to follow to the dungeons to question him.

1:35:20 Brennan: You see that he nods, you see he looks and says,

1:35:25 Grissini: Very well. It will-

1:35:29 Brennan: You see, by the way, over in the corner— Lapin, you see Alfredi talk to the Pontifex and point to Liam.

1:35:32 Siobhan: Fuck!

1:35:35 Ally: Fuck. (upbeat music).

1:35:40 Brennan: The Pontifex walks over and says,

1:35:42 Pontifex: Commander Grissini, Sir Deeproot has soiled the name of the Bulbian Church. The Church demands justice in this matter. We would see him hanged.

1:35:56 Brennan: You see that Grissini looks and says,

1:35:59 Grissini: Your Holiness, to even address you is an honor beyond words. The Candians have requested the right to speak to this man who has attempted to murder their King. I can wait to dispatch the Emperor's justice, but I believe the Candians wish to speak with him first.

1:36:24 Brennan: You see the Pontifex says,

1:36:24 Pontifex: Very well. Do not pass sentence on this disgraced and fallen Paladin until the Church has the ability to give him the sentence he deserves.

1:36:39 Brennan: You see Grissini nods, looks a little shaky speaking- He’s, you know- And the Pontifex leaves with her guardians. You see Basha Myaso leaves, Senator Ciabatta walks down. You see that Senator Ciabatta actually walks down over to you, Amethar. You haven't spoken to him, I think, yet. He walks over and says,

1:37:06 Ciabatta: Your Royal Majesty, are you all right?

1:37:11 Amethar: I'm fine, Senator.

1:37:16 Ciabatta: Unfortunate to see this great day brought so low by such criminals. You have the deepest loyalties of the Ceresian people and of our Republic.

1:37:32 Brennan: He looks over at you and says,

1:37:44 Ciabatta: The Paladin, Keradin Deeproot- Talk to me if you wish. I do not believe he acted alone.

1:37:46 Brennan: And that's all he says and he turns around and walks out. He peaces out, he walks away. You see Calroy walk back. I'm gonna roll a flat Luck check in the Box of Doom rather than run a battle offscreen with NPCs.

1:38:05 Murph: To see if he kicked his ass?

1:38:05 Lou: (mimics Cal kicking asses)

1:38:05 Siobhan: We just sit here while you silently roll a bunch of dice.

1:38:11 Brennan: Yeah. So we'll say good news is 11 through 20, bad news is 1 through 10. (rolls dice) 12!

1:38:20 Siobhan: Wow, everything's coming up candy!

1:38:23 Brennan: You see- And yeah, he like slowly walks back as you guys are like wrapped up with the King. And you see that like, all your Tartguard are forming around you. The other ones have been, like, healed up, so you've got the full 30 Tartguard. You got a fucking squad right now.

1:38:42 Murph: I feel like we also owe Liam some thanks, I wanna walk over to Liam.

1:38:46 Theobald: You've saved the King's life, we’re in your debt!

1:38:50 Liam: Uhm, okay, I think I used the bad magic. I have a Natural Explorer, I could just take off running right now and meet up with you guys later?

1:38:59 Theobald: Just stay—

1:39:00 Liam: I have really good stealth when I’m on the run—

1:39:00 Zac: I think I wanna join this conversation.

1:39:05 Brennan: Cruller walks back sort of huffing and puffing and goes,

1:39:08 Calroy: (short of breath) They arrested the runner, the gladiator.

1:39:13 Jet: What about Plumerina?

1:39:16 Brennan: Plumbeline?

1:39:17 Emily: Plumbeline! She ran!

1:39:18 Brennan: You see he says,

1:39:18 Calroy: The Lady of House Uvano? I think she walked off the field after Theo (laughing) put her on her back in a joust.

1:39:27 Liam: That was awesome!

1:39:32 Ruby: Yep, it ruled.

1:39:34 Jet: I misunderstood.

1:39:37 Theobald: Thank you so much.

1:39:38 Ruby: You did some cool shit today!

1:39:40 Calroy: I mean, there are knights and then there are knights and the Order of the Knights of North-Gumbia, I think, have put themselves on the map in terms of international jousting today.

1:39:50 Theobald: Thank you! (fixing his hair) Really though, the King almost died, so-

1:39:55 Amethar: Yeah, I'd have- That was dope, but we'll talk about it later.

1:39:59 Brennan: You see Calroy looks at you and says,

1:40:01 Calroy: Do we want to follow them to make sure they don't disappear that carrot paladin?

1:40:04 Theobald: That would be- I think perhaps we could split up, maybe?

1:40:10 Amethar: I feel like I should take the young ones back to our chambers.

1:40:12 Ruby: We will protect you, Pops!

1:40:14 Theobald: What if I bring Liam with me, to make sure that—

1:40:16 Lapin: I will—

1:40:19 Amethar: I think we should— cause I mean, at the end of the day, nobody's taking Liam anywhere as long as I say so.

1:40:26 Theobald: Okay. Me and the Chancellor, perhaps?

1:40:29 Lapin: Yes, I will join you in the investigation.

1:40:31 Amethar: Nobody will talk to Liam until you return.

1:40:33 Theobald: Alright.

1:40:35 Tartguard: My Lord, you wish to take any of us, the Tartguard, with you?

1:40:37 Theobald: Uhhhm-

1:40:39 Lapin: Maybe all of you go with the King— (laughs)

1:40:42 Theobald: We’ll take-

1:40:44 Brennan: You see Cruller says,

1:40:45 Calroy: I can accompany you if you want me to.

1:40:47 Amethar: Great, the Tartguard and the young ones—

1:40:49 Theobald: Yeah, we’ll take a few.

1:40:50 Brennan: You see, he puts his arms around both of you and says,

1:40:52 Calroy: We're not... high priority targets, but I don't know, strength in numbers, someone might be coming for the three of us!

1:40:56 Theobald: Yes, totally!

1:40:59 Brennan: You see that he says,

1:40:59 Calroy: All right, we'll see you back at our quarters in the great pyramid.

1:41:03 Amethar: Great.

1:41:04 Brennan: The three of you guys take off to make sure that they don’t-

1:41:06 Jet: Maybe I should come with you.

1:41:09 Theobald: (shrugging) Would you like to?

1:41:09 Jet: I don't know. No, I should stay and protect you guys. I'm staying with the magic.

1:41:14 Theobald: I can give you Sprinkle and I can check in on you through the eye thing.

1:41:19 Brennan: Awesome. So, the kids and King Amethar with the whole Tartguard and Lady Donetta and Lord and Lady Swirlie, your various servants all head off.

1:41:28 Ally: Coldbottle?

1:41:36 Brennan: Primsy Coldbottle comes over, you see, she is like, shaking, you know.

1:41:40 Primsy: Is it always that violent here at these great tournaments?

1:41:43 Liam: Ah, I don’t know.

1:41:46 Brennan: You see she says,

1:41:46 Primsy: You did very well, Liam, I saw you, you-

1:41:48 Liam: Ah, thank you!

1:41:49 Primsy: You got right there on the corner of the bull’s eye!

1:41:52 Liam: Yep! So close!

1:41:55 Brennan: You see that she smiles and says,

1:41:58 Primsy: You’re a great champion, I appreciate it!

1:41:59 Liam: Thanks!

1:42:01 Brennan: You see that Annabelle walks over, puts her hand on Primsy’s shoulder. She hasn't introduced herself really to Amethar yet, she looks at you-

1:42:10 Lou: Who is this, sorry?

1:42:10 Brennan: Annabelle, this is Annabelle Cheddar. She looks up at you and says,

1:42:16 Annabelle: Your Majesty, I haven’t yet had the honor of your meeting, but I am Captain Annabelle Cheddar. My father, when he was alive, spoke of you more highly than any man and I had hoped that the circumstances of our meeting would be different, but it is an honor to, if even for a moment, have shared a tournament ground with you.

1:42:47 Amethar: It's an honor to meet you as well. Your father was a great man and you are a great fighter.

1:42:51 Annabelle: I try, but-

1:42:54 Amethar: I mean, you've won the admiration of my daughters.

1:42:57 Jet: (nodding) You should have seen her thighs out there!

1:42:59 Amethar: Thighs?!

1:43:00 Jet and Ruby: Yeah!

1:43:01 Amethar: Her thighs?!

1:43:03 Annabelle: …Right—

1:43:05 Ruby: Beefy!

1:43:05 Jet: Fearsome!

1:43:06 Annabelle: Look, did we not just talk about the permissive Candian attitudes?

1:43:10 Ruby: It’s a compliment!

1:43:11 Annabelle: It’s either my marital status or my thighs!

1:43:13 Jet: I’m sorry, I thought that your thighs were weapons! I thought it was like complimenting your sword!

1:43:18 Annabelle: Your Highness, my thighs are weapons.

1:43:22 Amethar: Well, I just died, it was very nice to meet you, I'm sure we'll have reason to speak again soon!

1:43:28 Annabelle: Your Majesty, an honor, I'm at your service.

1:43:32 Brennan: She escorts Primsy out as Lord Cruller is out doing stuff, she takes Primsy and some other Dairy Guards nearby and they head back.

1:43:38 Ally: Primsy’s so cute!

1:43:44 Brennan: I’m trying to think if there's anything else. No, yeah, you see everyone else fucking clears out. Oh yeah, Prince Cabbage walks up to you, Nezemiah Cabbage, who hasn’t said anything. He walks alongside you as you guys are walking back to the Great Pyramid of Food and goes,

1:43:56 Prince Cabbage: (blustery, low voice) Terrible, terrible- Dreadful to have assassins- Sir Keradin—

1:44:06 Siobhan: Can I do an Insight check on this guy?

1:44:08 Brennan: Yeah, go for it!

1:44:10 Emily: What about that cheese guy that Theodore, that, uh—

1:44:12 Siobhan: Oh, I got a 20, not nat.

1:44:15 Brennan: Hold on.

1:44:16 Siobhan: Where were these rolls when I needed them?

1:44:17 Emily: Oh, I know!

1:44:18 Brennan: He looks like he didn't see what happened and someone explained it to him. (cast laughs)

1:44:26 Siobhan: Yeah, I didn’t see him in there! Yeah, where was he? He wasn't here, right? (pointing at the box)

1:44:28 Brennan: This is Prince Cabbage right here (pointing at his mini in a box). He goes,

1:44:29 Prince Cabbage: Absolutely dreadful for a day of merrymaking to be so spoiled. I would hate to say- To think that someone would try to orphan your daughters in front of them and that man would be a Paladin of the Church! Disgrace and justice shall be done.

1:44:56 Amethar: Your Highness, thank you.

1:44:58 Prince Cabbage: If there is anything at all the proud King of Candia needs, you shall let the House of Cabbage know. I’m not king—

1:45:04 Amethar: I know!

1:45:10 Prince Cabbage: My father is king.

1:45:11 Amethar: I know, your Highness.

1:45:14 Zac: (pointing at Murph) Are we here? (laughs)

1:45:16 Brennan: No, you guys take off, you guys head back to the Great Pyramid of Food. So, Cruller and you two are headed off. You guys arrive at the-

1:45:26 Zac: (pointing at Murph) Can I pull them two aside?

1:45:27 Brennan: Yeah, for sure. (somber music)

1:45:28 Zac: And just say,

1:45:28 Lapin: I noticed from the box that it feels as though we could be in a little bit of trouble with Liam.

1:45:38 Calroy: What do you mean?

1:45:39 Lapin: He may have been found out for his actions.

1:45:47 Calroy: Oh, dear. Well, Liam is not the princess of a nation of the Concord. Liam is the son of a Duke in open rebellion. If they come for Liam, I don't know how much- Certainly none of us and I don't even know how much His Majesty the King will be able to do.

1:46:15 Theobald: What if Liam were a knight?

1:46:24 Calroy: Isn't there a whole three-day vigil that has to happen and a bunch of tests and oaths of fealty and—

1:46:30 Theobald: I'm the Lord Commander of the king's guard and Liam just saved the king's life! I didn't do it. You didn't do it. Lapin didn't do it.

1:46:37 Calroy: Listen, I don't know how any of this stuff works. If you can find some loophole in your book of knight laws to make Liam a knight of the Bulbian Church. If they- Listen Theobald, if there's a way that you can pull this out of your helmet, then that's great.

1:46:56 Theobald: What is the other option? Just get Liam out of town?

1:47:01 Lapin: At the very least, I feel like I can try to talk to them.

1:47:06 Calroy: Do you think you- Do you have the ear of anyone important in the Church? Can you- I mean, I know you're a Primogen, but can you- You would need the Pontifex herself to be able to-

1:47:20 Lapin: I have- I'm not saying it's likely that she will help us, but there is a chance that I could help with that?

1:47:32 Calroy: Well, it sounds like between the three of us we have-

1:47:33 Lapin: Oh, this is fucked!

1:47:35 Brennan: (laughs) He says,

1:47:37 Calroy: It sounds like between the three of us we have (pointing at Theo and Lapin) two chances, so that works, if you want to try that. And maybe I'll be option three of just disappearing in the night and getting Liam back to Candia.

1:47:54 Theobald: I think that's a good idea.

1:47:55 Calroy: Alright, let's go interrogate this murderer.

1:48:01 Brennan: You see, you guys get to an Imperial Garrison, Commander Grissini is there and you see Keradin Deeproot has been chained and shackled. He's sitting in a dungeon, just a straight up dungeon, like bars in the windows, stone. He's still on his armor and cape, he’s been disarmed at the tourney and he's shackled, hands and feet but they're not like- He's not up like this (mimics a person with their arms chained above them). He's sitting with his knees up against his chest, against the wall.

1:48:34 Theobald: Can you get a read on him?

1:48:37 Lapin: I will-

1:48:40 Murph: Can I give a help action? Do you how- What's your Perception? I only have plus 3 Perception, plus 3 Insight.

1:48:46 Zac: Plus 5 Insight.

1:48:48 Murph: Okay. So I'll give you help.

1:48:51 Zac: And can I just make an Insight, yeah, just an Insight check?

1:48:53 Brennan: Yeah, go for it!

1:48:56 Zac: Nat 20. (cheering)

1:48:58 Ally: Yes! There it is, the narrative nat 20!

1:49:04 Zac: Spinning my Lollistaff (spinning motions).

1:49:07 Brennan: Actually, as you approach in a way that no one else can see, the Lollistaff spins a little bit. Sir Keradin looks up at you. On a nat 20— Well, first of all, what are you trying to glean? I'll give you more on a nat 20.

1:49:21 Zac: I want to know if he is— Had, like— I wanna know if he knows what he was doing. I wanna know if it feels like- I'm sure he was working for someone, but I wanna know who it feels like he’s working- I would love to find out more about who he is close to, who, you know-

1:49:43 Murph: Does he feel betrayed by the- Like, does it feel like he was working with the Pontifex?

1:49:48 Zac: Yes.

1:49:49 Murph: Was there a spell on him? (dramatic music)

1:49:54 Brennan: On a nat 20, you look into this guy's eyes. You've never seen someone make eye contact and remain vacant before. You see such a profound faith in this man's eyes that you know he is immune to being mind controlled.

1:50:20 Zac: Do I know if he- He is Paladin of the Bulb, he is it a part of the Church. What, who is he in contact with on the day-to-day?

1:50:35 Brennan: You know in the day-to-day, he is a of a Holy Order in-

1:50:36 Zac: Like, of the people I met, were they in all in the same city or? Like, did they all come from the same place?

1:50:45 Brennan: No, Alfredi is from Pangranos. She's a Ceresian Primogen and you would know that the people he's closest with- Like, Prince Nezemiah came all the way from Greenhold, which is far to the East. Sir Keradin, you would know from just your court shenanigans, he serves in Brightgarden and he serves in the Holy City of Brightgarden, which is the center of the Bulbian Church, like the Holy City of the Bulbian Church.

1:50:59 Zac: So that’s where the Pontifex is-

1:51:14 Brennan: Where the Pontifex is from. You sense that this man has never been mind controlled, has always followed orders, has never even maybe acted on his own and is loyal above all else to the Church.

1:51:31 Zac: I'm going to signal for you to leave (pointing at Murph). Give me a—

1:51:38 Murph: I can Message you to- So we can speak quietly.

1:51:41 Zac: (nods)

1:51:44 Lapin: Leave me alone with the prisoner.

1:51:46 Murph: I go-

1:51:48 Brennan: You see that Commander Grissini says,

1:51:49 Grissini: I am afraid we cannot allow the prisoner to be left here. Your King was just attempted to be assassinated-

1:51:54 Lapin: You can just step outside- Can you just step outside for a moment?

1:51:57 Grissini: I can not step outside for a moment, I'm afraid.

1:52:00 Brennan: You see, he says,

1:52:00 Grissini: If you, nobody would blame you if you slit this man's throat and I cannot allow that to happen, I've been ordered by the Hierophant Rex of the Bulbian Church to make sure that justice is dispatched by the Church in this instance.

1:52:20 Lapin: I am of the Church- I’m a Primogen of the Church. You will not allow me to have a conversation? Are you saying that I am a liar and that I will— a man of my faith will kill this prisoner?

1:52:35 Brennan: The room emanates with the status that Lapin suddenly commands, Grissini bows and says,

1:52:43 Grissini: I am deeply sorry, Your Grace. Leave the Chancellor and Primogen to his business.

1:52:50 Brennan: And clears the room.

1:52:52 Murph: Sweet, I'll walk out with him and keep an eye on him.

1:52:54 Zac: Okay, I’m going to- As they leave, I come up to the shackles and start to try to pretend like I'm unshackling him and say,

1:53:09 Lapin: We do not have much time, where are you supposed to meet them?

1:53:14 Zac: As a Deception roll.

1:53:16 Brennan: Okay, you're trying to deceit, gotcha. Go ahead and give me a Deception roll, if you're actively going to free him, I'm going to say roll with advantage.

1:53:24 Zac: Okay. I don't have any tools to free him.

1:53:26 Brennan: You're just like going for the chains or whatever?

1:53:27 Zac: Yes, yeah.

1:53:29 Brennan: Still roll with advantage. (intense music)

1:53:35 Zac: Deception?

1:53:35 Brennan: Yup.

1:53:35 Zac: 25.

1:53:37 Siobhan: Fuck yes!

1:53:37 Brennan: I'm gonna roll his Insight. That's a natural 3.

1:53:42 Murph: Wow!

1:53:43 Brennan: You see, he says,

1:53:47 Keradin: There was no plan, Your Grace. I was supposed to execute the King. I was supposed to move, but I couldn't get to him in time. He moved out of the way, the blade didn't find its purchase. I was supposed to simply walk away and let him die on the field.

1:54:03 Lapin: Okay. There's still time for me to do this. Where could I find another blade like this? Who can I trust to help me with this action?

1:54:19 Brennan: You see, he looks at you and says,

1:54:20 Keradin: I know not where blades of water can be made. I only know that the Primogen Alfredi can- If she was able to give me three, she can certainly give you more.

1:54:28 Lapin: Great.

1:54:29 Zac: I… (laughs) I just slap him in the face. (uproar and laughter)

1:54:35 Ally: You slap a carrot?

1:54:38 Zac: I’m a fucking bunny, bitch!

1:54:42 Brennan: A chocolate rabbit- A chocolate- Wait, a rabbit slapping a carrot!

1:54:45 Siobhan: It’s an Easter surprise!

1:54:48 Lou: Wow, wow, wow!

1:54:52 Ally: You should just eat him!

1:54:56 Emily: Primogen Alfredi? Cheese? Creamy?

1:55:00 Siobhan: No, she's pasta!

1:55:02 Emily: Pasta with cream sauce!

1:55:08 Brennan: Cool! You slap him in the face, do you walk out of the dungeon at that point?

1:55:11 Zac: I walk over to the guards and tell them to go back in.

1:55:16 Brennan: They go,

1:55:16 Guards: Oh, you were in there for-

1:55:18 Zac: I tell them to arrest Primogen Alfredi! (epic battle music)

1:55:22 Brennan: Holy shit! They look at you and they say,

1:55:25 Guards: On what grounds?

1:55:27 Lapin: He just told me that that's where he got the daggers. Move now or we will lose our advantage.

1:55:34 Brennan: (shocked) Commander Grissini looks— I'm gonna need a flat Persuasion.

1:55:40 Lou: (quietly) Fucking nat 20s.

1:55:41 Murph: I wanna give him the help action by being like,

1:55:45 Theobald: You already lost your honor, this is how you get it back!

1:55:48 Brennan: Give me the roll with advantage. I'm gonna say DC 20 Persuasion.

1:55:52 Zac: Persuasion?

1:55:54 Brennan: Yep!

1:55:56 Zac: 22. (cast cheering)

1:55:59 Brennan: You see that he shakes. This is a Ceresian soldier you're talking to. He looks at two men that just saved their king, although he doesn't know that one saved his king (pointing at Lapin) and he says,

1:56:18 Grissini: We are honor bound by guests of the Concordant Emperor to honor this request. Men, find and arrest Primogen Alfredi of Ceresia.

1:56:28 Brennan: And about 40 fucking soldiers march out of the garrison. You see Keradin looks— you have never seen Keradin be anything other than calm. He looks at you and you see he goes,

1:56:35 Keradin: (shouting) Apostate!

1:56:43 Brennan: And starts to slam against the chains (mimics the motion) just like a fucking brute.

1:56:45 Zac: I whisper to him,

1:56:47 Lapin: Where is your Bulb now? (laughs and cheering)

1:56:56 Brennan: Oh my God!

1:56:59 Ally: Yeees!

1:57:00 Siobhan: Oh God!

1:57:01 Ally: Oh, fuck!

1:57:01 Brennan: And that's it for this week on A Crown of Candy!

1:57:04 Lou: Lapin! Lapin!

1:57:06 Siobhan: Oh my God.

1:57:11 Emily: Wow! [NEXT EPISODE - Episode 5: Lapin’s Big Day] [NEXT TIME ON DIMENSION 20]

1:57:16 Amethar: We are at war.

1:57:17 Annabelle: (to Liam) There's something very deeply wrong with you.

1:57:20 Liam: What?!

1:57:21 Gustavo Uvano: (to Theobald) Name someone you wish for me to consider. Theobald sighs.

1:57:25 Pontifex: (to Lapin) Do you think their belief will stand? (slap motion and sound) Are you a Candian or a priest of the Bulbian Church?

1:57:34 Brennan: Drops down, leaps up and slits his throat, and he falls to the ground dead.

1:57:38 Emily: Just taking a walk to shit outside.

1:57:42 Siobhan: What? (laughs)

1:57:42 Captions extracted by: matthew Edited by dndstan, Kyber Bonsai, gluegunshots, kindlespark, rowan solsys