Cool Kids, Cold Case (Ep. 11)

0:00:00 Brennan: Arch from the Church of Sol glimmers with kinetic magic potential, as the door and portal's about to open, you boom ball perfectly up in the air, you snag it as this skeleton dives at what he thought was gonna be a portal, but instead becomes nothing.

0:00:16 Kristen: Fuck you, Daybreak!

0:00:17 Brennan: As he turns around, he presents one moment of weakness, which is all you need for your rapier to flash forward and (gasps) (blood splattering) He falls to his knees (heavy object thudding) You see that Ragh, the paralysis ends on him and he is fully dead.

0:00:34 Ally: I Revivify. (Ragh gasps and coughs)

0:00:38 Emily: I'm gonna use my Whisper of Terror.

0:00:40 Ragh: I'll do whatever you want, you can't tell people that I shit my pants.

0:00:44 Fig: You will defend us with your body to anyone who tries to say anything bad about us.

0:00:50 Gorgug: Also, what happened here? (group laughing) [END RECAP] (drum music) (owl screeches)

0:01:01 Brennan: Hello and welcome to Fantasy High! My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan, these are our intrepid heroes. Say hi, intrepid heroes!

0:01:06 All: Hi, intrepid heroes!

0:01:08 Brennan: I love it more every time now. Guys, last we left off, we were on the Bloodrush field, Coach Daybreak had been shot in the back of the head, after being stabbed through the neck, after being axed in the back, after being made to violently shit his pants. (Emily laughing)

0:01:23 Brennan: You guys--

0:01:23 Siobhan: Fuck that guy!

0:01:24 Murph: He deserved everything that came to him.

0:01:26 Emily: He truly did! Well I hope it was a real runny shit.

0:01:30 Brennan: You guys stand over the body of Ragh Barkrock, who's weeping, terrified of you guys and Fig's insane, potent, necromantic, bardic, fiendish magicks. You see that Ragh is just weeping on the ground beneath you going,

0:01:47 Ragh: Whatever you guys need, I swear to God, I swear to God, whatever you guys need, I'll do whatever you want.

0:01:54 Zac: I'm not choking him out anymore?

0:01:57 Brennan: You can be if you'd like.

0:01:59 Zac: I think I let go. (laughs)

0:02:00 Brennan: You let go, he gets up and does the like

0:02:04 Ragh: (sniffing and gasping)

0:02:08 Fig: First things first. I need you to, I need you to (laughs)--

0:02:15 Adaine: Say it.

0:02:15 Fig: Kneel before Gorgug and tell him he's a big strong man. (giggling)

0:02:20 Fabian: What's happening?

0:02:22 Riz: This feels unnecessary.

0:02:25 Brennan: Ragh kneels before Gorgug and says,

0:02:28 Ragh: You're a fucking big strong man, dude. You're a big strong man, you took me out, dude. Fucking took me out, dude, fuck.

0:02:32 Gorgug: Uh.

0:02:36 Fig: Does that feel good? I can call him off.

0:02:38 Gorgug: It doesn't feel good, honestly.

0:02:39 Fig: Okay, never mind, sorry, I thought that'd be therapeutic.

0:02:41 Riz: You could just ask him to apologize and let it be.

0:02:43 Gorgug: I appreciate that though.

0:02:44 Fabian: It feels like we're done here, would you agree with that, Gorgug?

0:02:46 Riz: What happened?

0:02:47 Kristen: We have a lot of questions for him, right?

0:02:48 Emily: I take out my flask of Dwarven vodka and pass it around.

0:02:51 Adaine: No, that has Friends still cast on it.

0:02:52 Fig: No, no, no, that's a different one.

0:02:54 Adaine: Oh, you cleaned it out?

0:02:55 Fig: I got it from the liquor cabinet.

0:02:56 Riz: Ragh, have a drink with us. (Lou laughs)

0:02:59 Ragh: You guys are fucking freshmen, what the fuck?

0:03:01 Adaine: Yeah, we're cool freshmen, we've been telling you.

0:03:03 Ragh: Yeah, I guess so. You fucking just killed Coach Daybreak.

0:03:07 Adaine: Yeah, but 'cause he was trying to kill us.

0:03:09 Fig: Speaking of which--

0:03:09 Riz: What was he trying to do? He had this ball, he wanted to-- Do you really want the apocalypse, Ragh?

0:03:14 Ragh: What?

0:03:14 Riz: I know you like the coach, but he was trying to destroy the world.

0:03:18 Ragh: No way, dude, what are you talking about?

0:03:19 Gorgug: What did you think was happening?

0:03:20 Riz: You see that freaking dark, that portal?

0:03:22 Ragh: What did I think was happening, dude? Dude, Coach was like, Ragh, we're going, dude, and I was like, yes, and I fucking got in the van, and then he's fucking, we went to this big, it was like a house with like, no beds, and like, so many chairs and like, benches and stuff.

0:03:37 Fig: Was it in a bank?

0:03:38 Fabian: I think it's a church, you're talking about a church? You've never been to a church before?

0:03:42 Adaine: You don't know what a church is?

0:03:43 Riz: Holy shit, Ragh.

0:03:44 Fabian: Do you know what a church is?

0:03:44 Ragh: Dude, fuck off, dude, fuck off my back.

0:03:47 Riz: Okay, okay, alright, you went to this house--

0:03:47 Fig: Fuck off his back.

0:03:48 Riz: --with no beds.

0:03:50 Fig: Fuck off his back.

0:03:51 Fabian: I'm not going to fuck off his back.

0:03:51 Kristen: This bench house.

0:03:52 Riz: This bench house. What happened at the bench house?

0:03:54 Ragh: So the bench house, he went and he like, took a scroll, and he did a thing where like, the stone got like, fucking sad or whatever, and then when--

0:04:03 Kristen: And you were able to pull it out by hand, right?

0:04:06 Ragh: I fucking, he said, he said, "Ragh, flip out," and I fucking flipped out and I fucking got it out of the wall, dude.

0:04:12 Fig: Was Porter there?

0:04:13 Ragh: Huh?

0:04:14 Fig: Was Porter there, the teacher, the barbarian teacher?

0:04:16 Adaine: You're obsessed with this teacher, and he has nothing to do with anything.

0:04:19 Fig: I'll catch him. I'll catch him yet.

0:04:22 Kristen: Look, Ragh, I have a question, okay? To start from the beginning, remember that day when I think either you shoved into me and threw my bible or someone else did but you were around? Do you remember that?

0:04:35 Gorgug: The first day of school.

0:04:36 Kristen: Yeah, the first day of school.

0:04:37 Ragh: First day of school. Oh, I fucking took the ball and I fucking dunked the ball.

0:04:41 Riz: You did.

0:04:42 Kristen: It was very cool. Look, but about the bible--

0:04:45 Riz: You also dunked a bible. Do you remember the second dunk of the day?

0:04:48 Ragh: Yeah, yeah, I fucking chucked your book into the fucking kitchen, dude!

0:04:53 Kristen: Yeah, my Book of Helio, you did, that was great. Did you do anything to the book first? Or did you just take the book out of my hands and throw what you took?

0:05:01 Ragh: Fucking smack and grab and (makes swishing net) three points!

0:05:04 Kristen: I hate you more each moment.

0:05:06 Riz: Okay, what--

0:05:07 Ragh: I was, but, I didn't-- I regret doing that.

0:05:12 Kristen: Huh.

0:05:13 Gorgug: Did someone tell you to do that?

0:05:15 Ragh: No, no one told me to do it. I regret it 'cause Coach fucking chewed my ass out. He was like, "What were you doing, why did you do that?" And I was like, "She bore false witness, Coach! I was trying to make you"--

0:05:27 Kristen: Oh, so Coach was really mad that you did that?

0:05:30 Ragh: He was so pissed and he was like, "You have no idea the forces you're meddling with!" And I was like, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I love"--

0:05:39 Riz: Do you love the coach, Ragh?

0:05:40 Kristen: Do you--

0:05:42 Ragh: Fuck you!

0:05:43 Brennan: And he swings and just clocks.

0:05:45 Fig: I will tell everyone that you shit your pants.

0:05:48 Brennan: He deals a straight 5 points of damage to you.

0:05:50 Murph: I wanna Uncanny Dodge him, so I'll go like that,

0:05:54 Riz: Ow, that still hurt, but.

0:05:54 Zac: I'm gonna, can I grapple him?

0:05:57 Brennan: Uh yeah, go for it.

0:05:58 Zac: What check is that?

0:05:59 Brennan: That's an opposed athletics check.

0:06:00 Zac: Okay.

0:06:01 Emily: Can I intimidate him?

0:06:04 Brennan: You can go ahead and intimidate him if you like.

0:06:05 Zac: I got a 19.

0:06:07 Brennan: Oh, rad, okay.

0:06:09 Emily: I got a, intimidation, I got a 25.

0:06:14 Brennan: 25, you get up behind him and he's like,

0:06:16 Ragh: Get off me, dude, get off me, dude! You guys talking about my coach!

0:06:21 Brennan: And you walk up in front of him.

0:06:24 Fig: What did I tell you?

0:06:26 Ragh: Sorry, it's just people, sorry, I fucked up.

0:06:32 Riz: Ragh, I'm sorry.

0:06:33 Ragh: It's just, when people say that I have feelings, it's like, fuck you, I never do.

0:06:41 Adaine: He, Ragh--

0:06:42 Fig: You should just cry.

0:06:43 Adaine: Here is an idea that I think that you should take.

0:06:45 Fig: Cry, let yourself cry right now, or--

0:06:46 Gorgug: Cry, yeah, cry.

0:06:47 Fig: Let yourself cry.

0:06:48 Riz: Don't bully--

0:06:48 Fig: It will feel good!

0:06:49 Gorgug: Cry, do it.

0:06:50 Adaine: Hey--

0:06:50 Gorgug: Cry.

0:06:51 Fig: Crying feels really good. (Ragh grunts)

0:06:53 Brennan: You see that a, like, spheres of tears form, and he just squinches his face and pushes the water back into his--

0:07:02 Ally: Can I cast Thaumaturgy and have like, the sound of like sweet music that you could cry to just play in his ears like sad crescendos.

0:07:13 Riz: Guys, this is bullying.

0:07:13 Emily: Can I create a minor illusion of--

0:07:16 Gorgug: He hit you.

0:07:16 Emily: Of a puppy cleaning a kitten?

0:07:18 Ally: Yeah.

0:07:20 Brennan: So this music starts, this distant choral music, and you just see a little puppy cleaning a kitten, and you see he goes,

0:07:29 Ragh: Oh fuck, they're natural enemies but they're just helping each other. (Emily laughs) (Ragh screams and sobs)

0:07:38 Kristen: Whoa. Is he barking?

0:07:42 Fabian: Is this, is this what you wanted?

0:07:44 Brennan: Just huge, you see tears with like, weird backed-up gunk from his tear ducts begins to like, sludge out of his eyes down his face.

0:07:53 Ragh: What's happening? You fucking hit me, dude, I'm bleeding. (screams) I'm bleeding out of my eyes!

0:07:59 Kristen: You're not, it's not blood, it's just tears.

0:07:59 Riz: You're just crying. It's water.

0:08:01 Fig: It feels good to cry.

0:08:03 Ragh: I'm a big man, I'm a big man, I'm a big man--

0:08:05 Kristen: Yeah, big men cry.

0:08:05 Fig: It's like if you didn't jerk off for a while, you would need to sometimes.

0:08:09 Ragh: Oh, I fucking jerk off.

0:08:10 Kristen: Your eyes are jerking off right now.

0:08:12 Fig: (laughs) Your eyes are jerking--

0:08:13 Ragh: Wait, they're, is that true?

0:08:14 Kristen: Yeah, you're cumming, good for you.

0:08:16 Ragh: Oh, yeah, dude, I can fucking, I'm so good at sex, I fucking come out of my eyes when I feel this way.

0:08:21 Kristen: Are we helping or hurting?

0:08:22 Fabian: Is this what we--

0:08:23 Riz: What are you guys doing?

0:08:24 Fabian: This is not what we wanted.

0:08:25 Gorgug: I don't know, he hit you.

0:08:26 Riz: Adaine, what did you wanna say?

0:08:27 Adaine: I think that you need to go and work on your emotions, and like, maybe you can just like, go take a druid class or something. Like, plant some trees or some shit.

0:08:39 Ragh: Fucking plant trees, more like fucking--

0:08:41 Gorgug: You're not cool, okay?

0:08:44 Riz: Ragh, what else did you and Coach do? And don't just talk about sports. What did you guys do that was like the pulling the doorway out of the--

0:08:48 Kristen: Yeah.

0:08:52 Riz: House with no beds? AKA a church, for future reference.

0:09:01 Ragh: Oh, there was some shit like, he told me, like, if Zayn, you know that fucking weird kid?

0:09:13 Kristen: Yeah.

0:09:13 Riz: Sure.

0:09:14 Ragh: If Zayn ever like, asked for help, or I like was supposed to keep an eye on him if he ever like, went to a teacher or looked like he was like, getting friendly with people that I was supposed to fucking kick his ass. Like, keep him alone, like--

0:09:25 Riz: Did you ever go to his apartment?

0:09:27 Ragh: Zayn?

0:09:29 Riz: Yeah.

0:09:30 Ragh: No, dude, that guy fucking sucks, he's lame.

0:09:32 Murph: Can I see if he's lying?

0:09:33 Brennan: Yeah, go ahead and make an insight check.

0:09:34 Siobhan: Yeah, I'll do that too.

0:09:36 Murph: 5, I think I might with my, I might get advantage on that stuff, or else maybe it just goes up to 10 automatically on a roll?

0:09:45 Brennan: Sure, if you want--

0:09:46 Murph: I have, I have plus 8 to it, so it's like a 13.

0:09:48 Brennan: Uh, that certainly beats any deception that he would have.

0:09:50 Murph: Okay.

0:09:52 Brennan: You look at this guy, and Riz, you get a sinking feeling in your stomach, which is that this fucking jamoke is a goon, dumb muscle--

0:10:05 Murph: He doesn't know shit?

0:10:06 Brennan: Doesn't know shit.

0:10:07 Murph: Yeah.

0:10:07 Emily: I think that's what I figured as well. That's why I was trying to help him work through his feelings.

0:10:09 Siobhan: Yeah.

0:10:10 Zac: What about--

0:10:11 Adaine: Hey, do you know where Coach lived? Have you ever been to Coach's house?

0:10:15 Ragh: Dude, all the time, dude. Coach would like, get me over there, we'd like just drink a fucking bunch of punch, we'd talk about sports and stuff.

0:10:22 Fig: Yeah, bring us, let's go.

0:10:23 Adaine: Yeah, let's go.

0:10:24 Kristen: I want punch, let's go!

0:10:26 Gorgug: Wait, okay. We can go. I just have one more question. Was there ever anyone besides Coach like, telling you to do stuff?

0:10:35 Fabian: Yes, specifically dressed like a scarecrow?

0:10:38 Fig: Or Porter.

0:10:40 Kristen: Okay, look, it's not Porter.

0:10:42 Adaine: It's definitely not Porter.

0:10:45 Brennan: He's like,

0:10:45 Ragh: That's a weird thing to ask.

0:10:48 Gorgug: Why? (slow dramatic music)

0:10:49 Ragh: 'Cause like, Coach was the fucking boss, and he didn't take shit from anybody, but the day after the shit happened with that corn in the cafeteria he looked more fucked up and scared than I've ever seen him. Like, he looked shook, and I was like, "Coach, everything okay?" And he told me to hit the showers, and I was like, "It's breakfast," and I was like, "I shouldn't do that."

0:11:21 Gorgug: You just take a shower?

0:11:22 Ragh: He would tell me to take a shower sometimes.

0:11:24 Gorgug: How often were you taking showers?

0:11:26 Ragh: I take like four showers, five showers a day.

0:11:28 Fabian: It’s one of his phrases. He told me to take a shower after trials, and I was like, why would I take a shower?

0:11:33 Gorgug: But you actually take the showers?

0:11:34 Ragh: Dude, when Coach says fucking jump, I say please, love--

0:11:39 Kristen: That's definitely the saying.

0:11:42 Riz: Is Coach like, your dad? Or like--

0:11:45 Ragh: What did you say, dude? Did you know that, did someone tell that to you?

0:11:48 Riz: Uh.

0:11:50 Kristen: Was Coach your dad?

0:11:51 Ragh: Did someone say that? Coach was my dad because I was--

0:11:53 Ally: Can I do an insight check on what the fuck is going on? 3. (laughs)

0:11:58 Brennan: He goes,

0:11:58 Ragh: I always thought Coach was my dad, and like, so if you heard anything--

0:12:04 Riz: I don't think he's your dad.

0:12:05 Gorgug: I know what it's like to not--

0:12:06 Riz: I know he feels like a father figure to you--

0:12:07 Gorgug: Fully understand who your dad is, and think that, specifically the coach was your dad. I've been there.

0:12:10 Fig: Although--

0:12:13 Riz: Yeah, he's been there.

0:12:15 Brennan: Ragh sort of like quiets everybody, even though he's completely shit upon right now, and he, he like, you still have him like this, and he leans his head around to get his mouth near, so he can see up into your eyes, kind of, and he goes,

0:12:27 Ragh: Dude, you don't know who your dad is?

0:12:31 Gorgug: Not my real dad.

0:12:34 Ragh: Dude, I don't know, I don't know who my dad is either.

0:12:37 Gorgug: Yeah, I mean, it's hard, right? (Ragh makes a noisy kiss)

0:12:42 Gorgug: Oh.

0:12:42 Brennan: He just gives you a little kiss on the cheek.

0:12:45 Gorgug: Okay.

0:12:45 Fabian: Alright, that feels like a sign that we should depart.

0:12:49 Kristen: I kinda wanna ride this out.

0:12:51 Riz: I kinda wanted to see where this was going.

0:12:52 Fig: Yeah.

0:12:52 Kristen: I know.

0:12:52 Fig: I'm here for it.

0:12:54 Kristen: I just, I-- I have so many questions and some of them are being answered right now.

0:13:00 Ragh: You just, you get me, dude.

0:13:03 Gorgug: Okay.

0:13:04 Ragh: I'm sorry I fucking, dude, I was out of line, dude, and honestly? Owlbears would be fucking lucky to have you, dude, 'cause you fucking ran the field, dude, and I fucked up--

0:13:07 Gorgug: Thanks, dude.

0:13:11 Ragh: I'm sorry, dude.

0:13:14 Fig: I have one more question. Not Sam, but what was her, Penelope, how was, we weren't at school today, how's Penelope doing?

0:13:25 Ragh: Penelope, she's alright, I guess. She's like, she's so fucking weird, 'cause fucking like Dayne is so cool, and he's constantly hanging out with fucking like Penelope, you know what I mean? And it's like, okay, she can't play Bloodrush, so what's, what's going on?

0:13:44 Fig: Cool, great intel, great intel, thanks, thanks.

0:13:46 Kristen: Do you ever think about, have you ever had any dreams about him?

0:13:51 Ragh: Dayne?

0:13:51 Kristen: Yeah.

0:13:52 Ragh: Tons, dude!

0:13:53 Kristen: Yeah, like, what happens?

0:13:54 Ragh: I had a dream where he was like a unitaur, you know, like a unicorn-centaur, right? Where he had like the legs of a horse, and then it was his body and centaurs don't wear shirts.

0:14:04 Kristen: Yeah, of course.

0:14:05 Gorgug: Did he have a horn?

0:14:05 Fig: And then a phallic horn.

0:14:06 Ragh: And then he had a horn, and he was like, “Ragh, I know where our dad is, and you need to get on my back.”

0:14:12 Adaine: Do you think Dayne is your brother?

0:14:14 Ragh: He said it and I got super sad, but I didn't understand why. And then I got on his back and we just rode for like, forever, just forever, and I just--

0:14:22 Kristen: How were you holding on to, like, so that you wouldn't fall off?

0:14:26 Ragh: I was just normal, like horse, but I had my hands wrapped around his like, front part, you know like, human torso? And I had to like, be kind of back, scooched back, 'cause I was naked so I didn't have, so like my shit was getting hit by like the horse body.

0:14:41 Siobhan: I use Message to in the quietest little whisper of a voice as if it's coming from his own brain, just whisper,

0:14:47 Adaine: I think you're gay, dude.

0:14:50 Brennan: You see that--

0:14:51 Siobhan: Just like really quietly.

0:14:52 Brennan: He hears a voice and you see he just goes [starts swinging fists around]

0:14:56 Gorgug: Hey, hey.

0:14:56 Kristen: Whoa!

0:14:56 Gorgug: God, maybe I shouldn't be--

0:14:58 Ragh: Shut up, dude! Who said it?

0:15:00 Kristen: Huh?

0:15:01 Ragh: What's up?

0:15:01 Gorgug: I think maybe I shouldn't be just holding him like this.

0:15:04 Kristen: I mean, it's fine.

0:15:05 Fabian: This feels like it's going rather far, if I do say so.

0:15:09 Riz: Ragh, I think you just need to take some time, and you just need to think about some stuff.

0:15:10 Kristen: Yeah.

0:15:12 Riz: I think you're gonna be a lot happier of a person if you just kind of--

0:15:16 Fabian: Truly, go see Jawbone tomorrow and I don't know--

0:15:19 Riz: Go see Jawbone.

0:15:20 Adaine: Yeah, go see Jawbone.

0:15:24 Riz: You should talk about this dream to Jawbone.

0:15:25 Fig: Yeah.

0:15:26 Kristen: Mm-hm.

0:15:26 Ragh: The fucking werewolf dude?

0:15:27 Gorgug: Yeah, he's pretty cool.

0:15:27 Riz: He's pretty rad, right?

0:15:30 Ragh: I guess I--

0:15:31 Fabian: He does a lot of drugs.

0:15:33 Ragh: Word?

0:15:33 Fabian: Yes.

0:15:34 Ragh: Dude, Jawbone sounds sick. I'll fucking talk to Jawbone.

0:15:36 Fabian: Hell yeah, dude.

0:15:36 Fig: Yeah, you should.

0:15:37 Riz: I think you're gonna be a much happier person.

0:15:40 Ragh: Alright, whatever, you fucking losers. Thank you so much for talking to me.

0:15:45 Zac: I let go.

0:15:46 Riz: You're not a bad guy, Ragh.

0:15:47 Kristen: Yeah, you're a good guy.

0:15:49 Fig: Ragh, we're glad we brought you back to life.

0:15:51 Brennan: You say that and he just fully bursts into tears. But he doesn't move so it's just (shudders) and pure rivers, there's not intervals between tears, just pure rivers of tears just.

0:16:06 Kristen: Oh.

0:16:07 Ragh: No one's ever said that to me before.

0:16:09 Riz: We're really proud of you, Ragh. You showed good hustle out there, man.

0:16:15 Ragh: If anyone talks shit about you guys around them, I'll, I'm gonna fuck them, alright?

0:16:24 Kristen: Okay.

0:16:25 Ragh: Fuck them.

0:16:25 Kristen: Well--

0:16:25 Riz: It just depends on--

0:16:26 Ragh: I'm gonna, I'm gonna eat their shit, dude!

0:16:28 Riz: No, you don't have to do that.

0:16:29 Kristen: Great.

0:16:29 Fig: Fuck them and then eat their shit.

0:16:30 Gorgug: Try it one more time. Just one more time.

0:16:31 Riz: Just keep an eye out for us. If somebody tries to like dunk me, you just stop it you know, you don't need to--

0:16:34 Fig: Yeah, no, I think you should fuck them and--

0:16:37 Ragh: Anyone talks shit about you, dude, I'm gonna fucking get in there.

0:16:38 Adaine: And like, maybe just listen to some chiller music.

0:16:42 Ragh: What?

0:16:43 Gorgug: I think we got you kind of--

0:16:43 Adaine: Yeah.

0:16:45 Riz: Yeah, we're good.

0:16:45 Fig: Wait, will you tell us where Coach's house is?

0:16:47 Riz: (laughs) Ragh, hit the showers.

0:16:49 Fig: Before you hit the showers-- (Ragh grunts and sprints away) (group laughs)

0:16:52 Brennan: He just sprints towards the showers as fast as he fucking can.

0:16:55 Fig: Did we find out where Coach's house was?

0:16:56 Riz: No, I don't think so.

0:16:58 Fig: Don't you guys wanna go to snoop through Coach's house?

0:16:59 Riz: Do you wanna go to Coach's house?

0:17:01 Adaine: I definitely do.

0:17:01 Gorgug: We could— we could probably look at—

0:17:01 Fig: Yeah.

0:17:02 Riz: [yelling] Ragh, where does Coach live?

0:17:03 Ragh: [yelling back] He lives down the street, man, he lives over by the old Church of Sol!

0:17:07 Riz: Cool, thanks man.

0:17:08 Adaine: Thank you.

0:17:08 Kristen: Cool.

0:17:09 Brennan: I'm gonna now enter a period of downtime with you guys. I know that's a little bit surprising to say, but we're going to actually do a little bit of narrative montaging right now. (mysterious music)

0:17:15 Emily: Cool.

0:17:22 Brennan: You guys arrive at Coach Daybreak's house later that day and you find an insane fucking cult, shadow, spikes, dungeon-y, weird, flagellating (mimes whipping) religious stuff all over the apartment. You find names of all the people in town that are involved with the Harvestmen. You find all this incriminating shit. You find research about Hellmouths, opening them inside a person, Perditional Contradoxy, you find about opening a Hellmouth inside of a portal, using a portal to do it, tons and tons of incriminating shit here. What do you guys do, having discovered all this?

0:18:07 Murph: I think is there anything about anybody on the police force that is involved with the Harvestmen? Before we decide to call the cops.

0:18:20 Siobhan: I mean--

0:18:20 Emily: I don't think we should call the cops no matter what.

0:18:21 Brennan: There are a couple of people you recognize as being cops that are Harvestmen. You don't see anybody on there that outranks your mom.

0:18:30 Murph: Okay.

0:18:31 Emily: What about Porter, is Porter on there?

0:18:31 Zac: Why don't you just call your mom directly? Why don't you just tell your mom--

0:18:34 Emily: Is Porter on there, the barbarian?

0:18:36 Brennan: You do not see Porter.

0:18:37 Emily: Motherfucker.

0:18:39 Zac: (crosstalk) No one else thought it was Porter.

0:18:39 Murph: (crosstalk) He just was not nervous that one time!

0:18:40 Lou: He's just not a human.

0:18:42 Murph: He just wasn't rattled.

0:18:43 Siobhan: He's made of rock.

0:18:44 Murph: He's a goddamn barbarian.

0:18:45 Emily: I'll suss out where he's--

0:18:46 Ally: He really liked you too, right? Like, he, like, really liked you and wanted to take you under his wing.

0:18:48 Siobhan: Yeah, isn't he your favorite teacher?

0:18:50 Murph: He seemed just nice.

0:18:51 Ally: Yeah.

0:18:52 Murph: Your dad is a demon. (laughs) Your dad's a demon.

0:18:57 Brennan: Do you contact--

0:18:58 Murph: Yeah, I guess we'll call.

0:19:00 Lou: The Ball, it sounds about right.

0:19:01 Murph: I guess we'll call my mom.

0:19:03 Emily: Wait, we're gonna oh, we're gonna call your mom.

0:19:04 Murph: Should we see, is there anything, so we still have this chest with this weird dark orb in it.

0:19:07 Fig: I think that we should, I think we should go through the list of people and go knocking down their doors and I can intimidate them.

0:19:16 Adaine: That's insane, they're adults.

0:19:17 Riz: Yeah, there's a ton of them.

0:19:18 Fig: (side-eyeing Adaine) Yeah, and I'm a powerful young lady.

0:19:19 Kristen: Okay.

0:19:19 Adaine: (offscreen) Gross. (Fig laughing)

0:19:20 Fabian: I think we call The Ball’s mother.

0:19:21 Riz: Right, can we, yeah let's call my mom.

0:19:22 Brennan: You can go ahead and make an Investigate check if you'd like to see if you turn up anything particularly juicy here.

0:19:28 Siobhan: Yeah, can I do a Detect Magic as well?

0:19:30 Brennan: Yes you can.

0:19:31 Emily: Investigate I got--

0:19:32 Ally: 11.

0:19:33 Emily: 20.

0:19:33 Siobhan: I got a 25.

0:19:34 Murph: Oh baby, yeah, I got a 25 as well.

0:19:37 Zac: I got a 2 and that's minus 1 so I got a one.

0:19:39 Siobhan: I think this house is your dad. (laughs) Gorgug sends a confused look up to the heavens. (spooky mysterious music)

0:19:43 Brennan: Adaine, you discover an arcane lock on a secret compartment in the back of the place. You open it up, you find tons of personal information having to do with the coach's whereabouts, stuff about Zayn Darkshadow and him funding Zayn Darkshadow's apartment, like paying for Zayn Darkshadow's apartment.

0:19:54 Ally: Oh.

0:20:05 Brennan: You find correspondences with Zayn about contacting Johnny Spells and connecting those guys. You also find a bunch of his personal financial stuff, which may sound a little bit uninteresting, but you see that Coach Daybreak was pretty broke, but made vastly more money than you would think a coach at a high school would make.

0:20:30 Ally: Oh ho.

0:20:31 Brennan: And made frequent deposits in a trust fund at KVX Bank.

0:20:36 Siobhan: A trust fund?

0:20:37 Emily: Yeah baby.

0:20:37 Zac: Do we see where the money is coming from, like who's making the money?

0:20:40 Ally: Yeah, was it a pay stub from the school?

0:20:42 Brennan: From the school.

0:20:43 Emily: Like his salary is just super high?

0:20:44 Siobhan: So he's just the coach.

0:20:45 Ally: He's not even a teacher and a coach, he's just the coach.

0:20:46 Siobhan: Yeah.

0:20:48 Zac: But that means somebody at the school approved that.

0:20:50 Murph: Somebody on the school board is paying him.

0:20:52 Siobhan: Is the trust fund under his name or is it under somebody else's name?

0:20:56 Brennan: The trust fund has some weird legalese thing that doesn't appear to have a name attached to it. It's some protected trust.

0:21:02 Ally: Can we see how much is in it currently, like just an insane amount?

0:21:05 Brennan: Unfortunately you can only see the deposit amounts.

0:21:06 Zac: Okay.

0:21:07 Emily: Let's break into the bank. Ally nods approvingly at Emily for this suggestion.

0:21:08 Murph: Do we see anything about the missing girls or Penny?

0:21:12 Brennan: You see nothing about the missing girls.

0:21:14 Murph: Okay, great.

0:21:15 Emily: Clearly, this thing he was depositing in, is, probably the trust fund is probably financing the Harvestmen.

0:21:23 Ally: It could be one of their accounts yeah.

0:21:24 Siobhan: It could be that he has a secret kid, or something to do with Zayn Darkshadow.

0:21:27 Zac: I think— (laughs)

0:21:29 Siobhan: Well, why do you have a trust fund or why does one have a trust fund, it's like--

0:21:31 Zac: Is it his trust fund?

0:21:33 Siobhan: --a thing for your kids, right?

0:21:34 Emily: (crosstalk) Cause he’s funding—

0:21:36 Zac: Or is it a fund that he has access to it, like it could be a cumulative--

0:21:38 Siobhan: But he said specifically a trust fund.

0:21:41 Murph: Do we see anyone on the list of names that are sort of involved with this that would be on the school board or?

0:21:47 Brennan: Not that you can see.

0:21:47 Murph: Or that we know.

0:21:48 Emily: Is there any sort of hierarchy from this list of names? Can we get a sense of who is like, are we getting a sense from this that he was running this entire Harvestmen or that he was working with the Harvestmen?

0:21:59 Brennan: With two 25’s and a 20, you absolutely get the sense that Coach Daybreak was the brains of the operation as far as the Harvestmen were concerned.

0:22:02 Murph: (offscreen) Interesting.

0:22:05 Ally: Wow.

0:22:06 Emily: Mm-hmm.

0:22:06 Ally: Can I look around and see if he's married, or look for family members or anything like that?

0:22:12 Brennan: Single, there's some stuff from his childhood and parents and things like that, but nothing about any current family.

0:22:16 Zac: Can you look for like, is there like a lockbox key or anything like that?

0:22:21 Brennan: You find a lockbox key and it's what gets you into that little arcane—

0:22:24 Zac: Oh, not for—

0:22:24 Siobhan: For like the—

0:22:24 Ally: But like for a bank?

0:22:25 Murph: For, cause we—

0:22:25 Zac: (offscreen) For the bank?

0:22:27 Brennan: Gotcha, gotcha, no, you don't find any kind of thing here that would, you find nothing in this place that would insinuate that Coach Daybreak lived a life of wealth or had any ability--

0:22:36 Zac: Maybe--

0:22:36 Emily: Can I write down the account number for the bank account? For the trust fund account?

0:22:39 Brennan: Yeah, you can guys record all the information you want here.

0:22:40 Emily: Okay.

0:22:40 Siobhan: Yeah.

0:22:41 Emily: I want to write down that.

0:22:42 Zac: What if you (to Fig) went to the bank as him?

0:22:43 Siobhan: Ooh.

0:22:45 Murph: Yeah, we should do that.

0:22:47 Zac: With all his records.

0:22:48 Emily: Yeah, if we could oh, I don't think I could. I'm trying to think of, am I allowed to use Mantle of Whispers on a day old corpse?

0:22:55 Brennan: Unfortunately not.

0:22:56 Emily: Hmm, too bad.

0:22:58 Riz: Okay, should we call my mom?

0:22:59 Fabian: Yep.

0:23:00 Kristen: Yeah.

0:23:00 Gorgug: Yeah.

0:23:01 Brennan: You call Sklonda, she rolls up to the apartment, is flabbergasted, looks over at you (Riz) and says,

0:23:04 Sklonda: Kiddo, what the hell is going on?

0:23:07 Riz: So there were some dark goings-on at the school, but we got to the bottom of it. It seems like-- have you heard of the Harvestmen?

0:23:16 Sklonda: Yeah, they're a cult.

0:23:17 Riz: Right, I think Coach Daybreak was like the brains of the operation.

0:23:22 Brennan: She looks around, you guys have all your assembled evidence here, she goes,

0:23:26 Sklonda: Where is Coach Daybreak right now?

0:23:29 Riz: He's super dead.

0:23:29 Fig: He killed himself.

0:23:32 Gorgug: He shot--

0:23:32 Riz: We killed him.

0:23:33 Gorgug: He shot himself in the back of his head.

0:23:35 Fig: Oh, we get to let you lie to my dad, but I can't lie to your mom.

0:23:39 Riz: My mom's cool. (laughing)

0:23:41 Sklonda: Alright, alright, alright.

0:23:42 Kristen: Ohhhh!

0:23:43 Sklonda: All you children have to come downtown, you have to come downtown.

0:23:48 Kristen: Wait, no.

0:23:49 Riz: No, but there are bad cops--

0:23:49 Fabian: Oh, downtown.

0:23:49 Riz: There are dirty cops.

0:23:52 Brennan: You see a couple of cops, there's one guy that's in the middle of having a hamburger who looks over as you say dirty cops.

0:23:54 Fig: See, you guys just called the fucking cops.

0:23:57 Riz: There's evidence here, people who, nobody who outranks you--

0:24:00 Brennan: She grabs it, looks--

0:24:04 Fig: I trust a demon over a cop.

0:24:07 Sklonda: Sweetie, this checks out. Go wait in the car, we're going to take care of this.

0:24:10 Riz: Yes ma'am.

0:24:14 Kristen: All of us?

0:24:15 Zac: Can I make an Insight check on her?

0:24:16 Brennan: Yeah, go for it.

0:24:18 Zac: Oh a Nat 20.

0:24:20 Emily: Oh Nat 20!

0:24:20 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:24:22 Brennan: You (laughs) with an insight that often eludes Gorgug, you look at this woman... First of all, you've beefed it a couple of times, for sure not your dad. Wouldn't make sense for any number of reasons, we'll call it 99.9 not your dad, right? On top of that, this woman is on the warpath. You see the look on her eyes with the evidence here that she was been wanting to clean up this precinct for a long time and now has the ability to do so.

0:24:39 Ally: Okay.

0:24:56 Gorgug: You're not my dad.

0:24:56 Riz: See, my mom rules.

0:24:58 Sklonda: What's that?

0:24:59 Gorgug: You're not my dad. (Sklonda makes a couple confused noises)

0:25:01 Gorgug: You're clearly not my dad.

0:25:03 Riz: Mom, I'm so sorry.

0:25:03 Sklonda: I don't under--

0:25:05 Riz: You've got a lot on your plate, we're going to go wait in the car.

0:25:09 Gorgug: I know we were all wondering.

0:25:09 Fig: We do have something to talk about.

0:25:12 Adaine: I just want you to know before you take me downtown, I actually have diplomatic immunity.

0:25:18 Sklonda: Oh, the five of you need to come downtown with me.

0:25:21 Kristen: I--

0:25:25 Fig: I have diplomatic immunity too.

0:25:26 Adaine: I'll go, but--

0:25:26 Sklonda: No, no, we won't place you under arrest. Your diplomatic--

0:25:26 Adaine: No no no, but I'll just come with my friends.

0:25:28 Fig: I have diplomatic immunity too, I do have diplomatic immunity too.

0:25:30 Sklonda: No you don't, the--

0:25:31 Gorgug: Three times.

0:25:32 Fig: I do, I bet I do.

0:25:35 Sklonda: What country are you from? (pause, Fig looks down) Oop, there it is. (everyone laughs)

0:25:37 Brennan: You see she says, (laughing) she says,

0:25:44 Sklonda: All right we'll take you downtown.

0:25:45 Brennan: You guys get loaded into a cruiser brought downtown, you get some fast food brought to you, you hang out for a little while.

0:25:50 Ally: Delicious.

0:25:51 Lou: I eat none of it. (Brennan laughs)

0:25:54 Murph: I eat his.

0:25:56 Brennan: I'm gonna go ahead and do a little bit of downtime now. Your guys’ defeat of Coach Daybreak and the evidence brought to Detective Gukgak completely dissembles the Harvestmen Cult in Elmville.

0:26:09 Siobhan: Heck yeah.

0:26:10 Brennan: Over the next couple of days Detective Gukgak goes to fucking work. These homes are raided, including the home of the Applebees.

0:26:20 Ally: Wow. (dramatic music)

0:26:22 Brennan: Your parents are cleared of wrongdoing. They're not involved in any criminal activity, but they were involved enough that their home got raided. Your mom and dad come to you the day after the home gets raided and you see your mom says,

0:26:46 Donna: Well, I guess your new friends know which side their bread's buttered on, huh Kristen?

0:26:54 Kristen: I don't know what the fuck that means, mom. What were you doing with the Harvestmen?

0:27:02 Donna: It's hard for humans here, all right, in Solace.

0:27:06 Kristen: Oh, victim, you are always pretending to be a victim, mom. I don't wanna talk to you.

0:27:12 Mac: Hey, hey, don't talk to your mother that way, young lady.

0:27:16 Kristen: Okay, fine, I just have a question. Why Coach Daybreak wanted to make me a Hellmouth, he was gonna sacrifice me since I was somehow already promised to God.

0:27:22 Donna: Nope.

0:27:29 Kristen: Which is something I didn't ask for.

0:27:31 Donna: Nope, nope, he did not, he did not.

0:27:33 Kristen: Yes he did.

0:27:34 Donna: He did not.

0:27:35 Kristen: He absolutely did, you--

0:27:36 Donna: Prove it, prove it.

0:27:38 Kristen: I can, there's a lot of proof.

0:27:40 Donna: I don't know about that.

0:27:42 Kristen: Yeah, that could fill a book, mom, you're dumb.

0:27:47 Brennan: You see your father says,

0:27:48 Mac: Well, you know what, because you seem to have a whole new family, Kristen, maybe you can go stay with them, huh?

0:27:53 Kristen: You know what, family's a loose word, dad. A lot of different people can become your family. You know what, all I want are answers and I was, I'm your kid, I feel like I should be able to get answers from you.

0:28:08 Ally: I cast Light on my new book, On the Subject of World Religion, and I hold it up as though it just glows on its own.

0:28:15 Kristen: This is where I've been finding some answers.

0:28:19 Mac: (screams) (pointing) You get that out of our house right now.

0:28:21 Kristen: What is even in it, you idiot?

0:28:24 Brennan: You see they both leap over the sofa scrambling, grab like polearms off the thing and are like brandish polearms at you.

0:28:29 Mac: (shaking) What the hell is in that book?

0:28:32 Kristen: You live a fear-based life, goodbye. (Brennan screams unintelligibly)

0:28:35 Ally: And I slam the door.

0:28:36 Brennan: You slam the door.

0:28:38 Fig: Kristen Applebees, you can come stay with me. I've been living at Gilear's place.

0:28:42 Kristen: Hell yeah. (Brennan laughs) Motherfucker.

0:28:45 Siobhan: So much rotten yogurt.

0:28:46 Ally: I've started cursing for the first time and my blood pressure is always super high, but in a good way.

0:28:54 Brennan: Cool, Kristen is staying with Fig at Strongtower, along with Riz down the hallway.

0:29:01 Murph: Oh yeah I live there too. I didn’t know you lived there.

0:29:02 Brennan: You guys are all staying in the same apartment complex.

0:29:04 Ally: Cool, can we all go to the vending machine together?

0:29:06 Emily: Yeah.

0:29:07 Kristen: If I get a string cheese and you guys get crackers, we can make (laughing) cheese and crackers for dinner. (Zac laughing)

0:29:12 Fig: Let’s definitely do it. And also Gilear has a ton of yogurt.

0:29:17 Riz: I'll eat the expired stuff, I don't care.

0:29:19 Kristen: Yeah, same, it's just fun to hang out. Yeah, I miss my brothers a little bit.

0:29:23 Adaine: You can come to mine for dinner if you like, but you have to sit at the table with my terrible parents and sister.

0:29:28 Fig: Can I bring Gilear? I worry that he doesn't eat if I'm not there.

0:29:33 Kristen: You're probably 100% right.

0:29:37 Brennan: So I'm gonna go ahead now and say that you guys experience a whirlwind over the next days and weeks at the school, I don't wanna rush past anything you guys want to do so feel free to stop me if you have things you want to do.

0:29:54 Emily: I have one point that I want us to address. We never found the Palimpsest.

0:29:58 Murph: Oh yeah, we never found--

0:29:59 Ally: Yeah, the Palimpsest.

0:30:00 Murph: Daybreak didn't have the Palimpsest?

0:30:01 Siobhan: He did break something that looks like a Palimpsest when the Owlbear came out of, but I don't think that was our Palimpsest.

0:30:09 Brennan: That remains as an element of mystery to you guys. You talked to your mom Sklonda who, now that half of you are over at Strongtower that ends up being kind of your hangout point. You come over to the Gukgak residence for honestly takeout, you get like sort of a you know Bastion Market sort of takeout--

0:30:30 Ally: Bastion Market.

0:30:31 Emily: I am so--

0:30:31 Murph: We eat this all the time.

0:30:32 Emily: Wait, I'm so sorry, real quick, maybe we should set up Gilear a new mom.

0:30:38 Murph: (laughs) That would be awesome.

0:30:41 Ally: Cool.

0:30:42 Emily: Let's try and get them together.

0:30:44 Brennan: You see that Sklonda takes the little plastic containers out and puts them around and says,

0:30:48 Sklonda: All right kids, go ahead and eat.

0:30:51 Siobhan: I just bring a little thing of Elven waybread out and just eat that.

0:30:55 Lou: I push mine over to The Ball. (Murph mimics eating quickly)

0:30:59 Emily: I'm sitting in between Sklonda and Gilear, and I ask Gilear to switch with me so he's next to her.

0:31:06 Brennan: Gilear switches with you.

0:31:08 Gilear: Very well, daughter.

0:31:10 Brennan: You see he looks over and says,

0:31:12 Gilear: Sklonda, this meal is exquisite. (laughs)

0:31:18 Gilear: This corned bread is particularly scrumptious, it reminds me of lembas. Do you have lembas where you are from? Where are you, are you from the Mountains of Chaos?

0:31:31 Brennan: She looks up and says,

0:31:31 Sklonda: I'm from Bastion City. I didn't make any of this. This is take out, I sort of worked a long shift.

0:31:40 Brennan: He says, you know what, I'm going to go ahead and actually roll a charisma check. (sentimental piano music)

0:31:51 Brennan: It's a Nat 20. (Emily laughs and claps) (Siobhan laughs)

0:31:54 Emily: Gilear!

0:31:55 Brennan: You see, he says,

0:31:55 Gilear: Sklonda, I have rudely interjected myself ignorantly into this conversation, I won't lie to you Sklonda, I found out recently that one of my shoes is so filled with mildew because a pipe in my bedroom is leaking that I have a fungal infection in my foot, which I didn't think was possible for Elves to get.

0:32:25 Siobhan: This is a 20?

0:32:25 Emily: Can I--

0:32:25 Ally: This is a 20 charisma?

0:32:27 Fig: Can I wake and give him Bardic Inspiration, I'm worried about him?

0:32:31 Brennan: Sure, you see he says,

0:32:31 Gilear: I-- (Emily laughs) Should see myself out, I-- it's been a long time since I've spoke with anyone and I've made a fool of myself.

0:32:45 Brennan: You see that Sklonda says,

0:32:45 Sklonda: Uh, Gil, it's okay, you're fine, you can take a seat, can I get you something to drink, you want anything to drink?

0:32:54 Brennan: He says,

0:32:54 Gilear: I actually brought this, it's a bottle of Elven wine.

0:32:58 Brennan: And you see that there's a big Costco brand Elven wine like huge bottle, you see he pops it open. (wine gurgles) Sklonda knocks it back says,

0:33:08 Sklonda: Thanks, I appreciate that. I haven't had a glass of elven wine in I don't know how long.

0:33:12 Brennan: And they start to kind of chat. Sklonda gets a little bit in her cups and starts actually talking about the case to you guys. She goes

0:33:22 Sklonda: (sighs), Yeah, you guys did amazing work. That was really, really incredible. I can't tell you how proud I am. Obviously, don't kill any more of your teachers.

0:33:30 Kristen: Hmm.

0:33:37 Fabian: We only killed one.

0:33:38 Sklonda: Sure.

0:33:38 Fabian: The other two killed each other.

0:33:39 Riz: Right.

0:33:40 Adaine: Yeah, and technically I mean the coach isn't even the teacher.

0:33:42 Fabian: Yeah, so--

0:33:44 Sklonda: I suppose you haven't killed any academic faculty yet.

0:33:47 Fabian: Exactly.

0:33:48 Fig: Yet.

0:33:49 Riz: We did kill a lunch lady.

0:33:50 Gorgug: I mean she killed a lunch lady.

0:33:51 Fabian: Adaine killed a lunch lady.

0:33:52 Adaine: I mean we all did it together, it wasn't just me.

0:33:54 Fabian: We did not do it, you exclusively beat her over the head with a ladle.

0:33:59 Riz: Mom, what does, have you found any evidence about the missing girls with this Harvestmen stuff?

0:34:07 Brennan: She nods and says-- (Ally drinks water and burps. Zac and Siobhan laugh.)

0:34:12 Murph: Excuse you.

0:34:13 Ally: Many apologies. (everyone laughs)

0:34:16 Brennan: She nods to you and says,

0:34:18 Sklonda: Yeah.

0:34:18 Brennan: She says,

0:34:18 Sklonda: We've been tracking them, we think Daybreak may have sent the Palimpsest to Highcourt. There's a lot of Harvestmen or religious fundamentalists in the nation of Highcourt, so now it's just kind of a waiting game, we have to get the state department some kind of extradition and allow us to conduct a foreign kind of investigation.

0:34:42 Fig: Say no more.

0:34:44 Sklonda: Oh for sure not. No no no no no.

0:34:46 Fig: Cool.

0:34:47 Sklonda: Yeah, not for you.

0:34:48 Kristen: What?

0:34:49 Brennan: You see she says,

0:34:49 Sklonda: I actually am going to speak with your father about it soon, Adaine, because we might need Fallinel's help. Highcourt is extremely, they're in a politically kind of unstable place and having some Elven mediation would probably help us.

0:35:07 Adaine: Can I give you some advice that you might not want to hear?

0:35:10 Sklonda: Sure.

0:35:11 Adaine: I would have maybe if you have a colleague who is an elf, my dad sucks, talk to him.

0:35:19 Sklonda: Roger that, yeah, hey I appreciate the being straightforward, it is what is.

0:35:24 Kristen: Like your dad's racist.

0:35:25 Fig: I know a really good, very charismatic Elf that's like a diplomat.

0:35:32 Gilear: Mm, this yogurt tastes just like potatoes. (everyone laughs)

0:35:36 Gorgug: That's potatoes.

0:35:37 Gilear: Hmm?

0:35:39 Gorgug: You're just eating mashed potatoes.

0:35:41 Riz: You're eating mashed potatoes.

0:35:42 Gilear: Ah, I have committed--

0:35:44 Riz: Not everything is yogurt.

0:35:45 Gilear: Another own goal for Gilear Faeth, yes.

0:35:48 Kristen: Own goal.

0:35:51 Gilear: All right, I--

0:35:54 Emily: I tousle what's left of my dad's hair.

0:35:57 Gilear: Oh, that's my bald spot. I was wondering why there wasn't fruit at the bottom and now I know.

0:36:02 Gorgug: Of the potatoes?

0:36:03 Riz: You don't have to go into it, Gilear, just--

0:36:06 Kristen: It was a sad moment.

0:36:06 Riz: You thought it was Elven yogurt --

0:36:08 Adaine: I feel like mashed potatoes--

0:36:08 Riz: --I've gotta be honest. I want to hear more. Just run for it.

0:36:15 Brennan: You guys end that dinner, it's a lovely night. Gilear's going to talk about a little bit more. The weeks and months that follow from here, the trail kind of goes cold for you guys. There's a complicated extradition process with Highcourt, also you guys get a little bit distracted. This big bad guy took a fall and maybe Riz, you're still a little hung up on it because of Penny, but your lives at Aguefort completely change after the events of the last battle. You guys are this weird kind of unspoken posse. The seniors all stop making fun of you. You see that one of them says one thing one day and Ragh fucking takes them out. Penelope and Dayne start acknowledging you guys in the hallway and it's not necessarily that you're popular, because you're all still freshmen, but you guys have made the other freshmen all come up and talk to you guys at lunch. They ask you questions in class.

0:37:14 Zac: Is that-- what happened to that Dwarf girl?

0:37:17 Brennan: Ostentatia?

0:37:17 Zac: Who was poisoned?

0:37:19 Brennan: Ostentatia's back at school. Ostentatia walks by as you guys are sort of walking into school one day and she goes,

0:37:25 Ostentatia: Back, better. Hey, what's up Ball?

0:37:29 Riz: Hey, sorry that you drank that tea.

0:37:32 Ostentatia: Honestly, it was so random, like I was like “steal me tea” and then I got home and I was like, “I wonder what this tea is like”, and then I drank it I, went bluh bluh and kind of went crazy-- did you get my note?

0:37:41 Riz: Yes I did, thank you.

0:37:43 Ostentatia: Awesome.

0:37:43 Riz: What did you mean to say? Because you wrote it kind of in a crazy way. I think you were--

0:37:48 Ostentatia: I don't think I wrote it crazy, “crystal Johnny Palipses,” right? Penelope?

0:37:50 Riz: Right, okay.

0:37:53 Adaine: Penny.

0:37:54 Ostentatia: Penelope.

0:37:54 Adaine: Yeah.

0:37:55 Gorgug: But if you were to say that as a sentence.

0:37:57 Ostentatia: Hmm?

0:37:59 Gorgug: If you ever wrote, instead of if he--

0:38:00 Ostentatia: I'm not like, great at writing.

0:38:01 Riz: You just wrote like the key words.

0:38:03 Gorgug: Were you awake yet?

0:38:04 Ostentatia: I was literally losing my mind. I could feel my brain shutting down and I got a note like as fast as I could. Honestly, pretty baller, if I'm being--

0:38:13 Fig: Yeah, I think you nailed it girl.

0:38:14 Adaine: It is good.

0:38:14 Kristen: It was great.

0:38:15 Riz: It was super baller.

0:38:15 Ostentatia: So like the judgment, you can like hold on to it.

0:38:18 Fabian: (to Gorgug) You ask everyone who's your dad, I mean come on guy.

0:38:21 Gorgug: I didn't hear myself I guess, I'm sorry.

0:38:25 Fabian: At least you apologized.

0:38:27 Brennan: You guys now enjoy this weird kind of under the radar celebrity status, also you guys start to ace your fucking classes, the extracurricular nightmare journey you guys have been on has put you so far ahead of the curve, the other students that haven't had any combat that your classes are fucking--

0:38:35 Ally: Hell yes.

0:38:44 Brennan: Just easy peasy.

0:38:48 Emily: I'm still taking barbarian classes.

0:38:50 Brennan: Adaine, people come up to you all the time to ask you questions about divination. You're still taking barbarian classes. Porter's like,

0:38:56 Porter: This girl, you got a great, the rage I can really feel it and eh, Gorbag.

0:39:03 Gorgug: Gorgug.

0:39:05 Porter: Gorag.

0:39:06 Gorgug: Gorgug.

0:39:07 Porter: Gorgug, really solid effort.

0:39:10 Gorgug: I stopped singing.

0:39:11 Porter: You stopped singing? Hey, that's half the battle right there, isn't it? Way to go.

0:39:17 Gorgug: I'm pretty good— (sadly) okay.

0:39:18 Brennan: So we're gonna run some scenes over the first part of the year that you guys are there as kind of things cool down, anything you guys want to pursue let me know.

0:39:29 Ally: Tracker doesn't go to our school, right, that was just a random--?

0:39:32 Brennan: Tracker does not go to your school.

0:39:33 Siobhan: Tracker's a full adult.

0:39:34 Emily: I mean--

0:39:34 Siobhan: I would love--

0:39:34 Emily: I'm gonna--

0:39:36 Siobhan: I still really wanna get a makeover.

0:39:38 Ally: Oh.

0:39:40 Emily: I'll give you a makeover.

0:39:41 Brennan: Actually, I want to touch on this for a second. Number one, all of you guys can choose a new tool proficiency or language, as you are at school this year. Additionally, your guys' gifts that you got begin to exhibit the properties of magical items.

0:39:51 Siobhan: (offscreen) Huh.

0:39:55 Murph: (offscreen) Interesting.

0:40:00 Brennan: And I can tell you guys what they do right now.

0:40:03 Emily: Do we still don't know who we got them from?

0:40:05 Brennan: So you don't know who you got them from.

0:40:06 Zac: But doesn't it say your dad's name?

0:40:08 Brennan: It says Gorthalax's Girl on it.

0:40:09 Zac: Oh. (Ally laughs)

0:40:13 Emily: Gilear's girl, could also be Gilear's, Gilear and Gorthalax's girl. (exciting, happy music)

0:40:17 Brennan: The wax for the Hangman now works as a Mending spell, Mending cantrip you can cast.

0:40:23 Lou: Very cool, on just the Hangman?

0:40:27 Brennan: You can try it on other stuff if you want.

0:40:28 Lou: Okay.

0:40:30 Brennan: The tome on world religions that you got, Kristen, gives you advantage on Religion and Nature checks.

0:40:37 Ally: Cool.

0:40:37 Brennan: The ruby guitar pick allows you to cast either Protection from Fire, Burning Hands or Charm Person once per day, so once per day you can cast one of those spells. The leather holster has started to rub off on your ax. Your ax is now a +1 weapon, meaning that your attack goes up by one and your damage goes up by one.

0:40:59 Zac: Oh.

0:41:01 Brennan: And The Ball, you find that your awesome new leather briefcase, your older one you busted doing the half pipe trick on it.

0:41:05 Murph: Right.

0:41:08 Siobhan: So sick.

0:41:09 Brennan: Your newer leather briefcase doesn't seem to have an amount of stuff you can't put in it.

0:41:15 Murph: Oh sweet.

0:41:16 Emily: A briefcase of infinite holding.

0:41:18 Murph: My briefcase of holding. (Emily and Siobhan laughing)

0:41:21 Brennan: And then Adaine you still have your 45 GP gift card to this high end clothier.

0:41:27 Fig: I'll go shopping.

0:41:28 Adaine: Yeah, let's go shopping.

0:41:28 Fig: I'll cut class.

0:41:29 Kristen: I'll go, yeah.

0:41:29 Fig: Hey Porter, hey Porter, I feel like I'm doing really well and I'm gonna take today off.

0:41:35 Porter: Honestly, you earned it yeah.

0:41:36 Fig: Thanks.

0:41:37 Porter: I'm for it.

0:41:37 Gorgug: I'll stay, I'm gonna stay.

0:41:40 Porter: All right, hey, Gorbag's in it to win it.

0:41:43 Siobhan: I cast Unseen Servant to make notes for me.

0:41:47 Brennan: (laughs) You cast an unseen servant. It rushes over to your book and says,

0:41:49 Unseen Servant: Ah yes, study, the heart and soul of the wizard's craft. This has been a use of Unseen Servant.

0:41:59 Murph: And I sneak out, as to show initiative in my rogue class. (Brennan laughs)

0:42:02 Emily: Ooh.

0:42:04 Brennan: Hell yeah, awesome.

0:42:08 Emily: Can I create a Minor Illusion (magical whoosh) of Riz at his class?

0:42:12 Murph: Just like disappearing, fading, and then I'm frozen.

0:42:15 Brennan: Yes you may.

0:42:16 Emily: Okay.

0:42:17 Brennan: You guys sneak out, you go down to a little clothier called The Gilded Coin. (fancy classical music)

0:42:22 Brennan: You see that there is a much older half-Elven woman with this large, sort of hooped skirt, very Elizabethan-looking who is sort of flouncing throughout the shop, as you open the door, just wafts of perfume and incense you see that there is a little sort of imp or mephit, some kind of winged creature with spectacles, a long nose flying around and the half-Elf woman goes,

0:42:50 Madame Silvaine: (overwrought British accent, very loud) Oooohhhhh, welcome to The Gilded Coin. My name is Madam Silvaine, can I, help you look for something?

0:42:53 Fig: Yeah.

0:42:57 Kristen: Do you have a men's section or a modest women's section?

0:43:01 Madame Silvaine: We have neither a men's section, (yelling) nor any modesty at all!

0:43:06 Fig: What about chain wallets, studded belts, corsets for no reason?

0:43:12 Madame Silvaine: A studded belt. I have a belt made of a tapestry from Old Solace.

0:43:18 Kristen: This is going to be just an Adaine errand.

0:43:19 Fig: Yeah, this is gonna be an Adaine thing.

0:43:19 Adaine: Oh, is there another— Yeah, okay. Oh, I just want to look cool at school.

0:43:24 Madame Silvaine: You want to look cool, well, I can certainly help you with that, Madam Silvaine isn't behind the times. (Adaine makes a pained expression)

0:43:32 Kristen: We should go somewhere else.

0:43:33 Adaine: Is there somewhere else?

0:43:34 Madame Silvaine: Please don't go anywhere else, please don't go anywhere else, I'm begging you. (group laughing)

0:43:37 Adaine: I’m so sorry.

0:43:40 Kristen: There’s that beach-themed clothing store.

0:43:42 Adaine: Oh yes, the beach-themed--

0:43:42 Fig: Ooh, let's go to the beach—

0:43:44 Kristen: --even though we’re like, very landlocked.

0:43:44 Fig: --themed clothing store!

0:43:45 Madame Silvaine: I see that you have a gift card that's only redeemable here, you would have to spend real money somewhere else!

0:43:52 Kristen: Sounds like a bullet I'll bite, let's go.

0:43:54 Fig: Yeah.

0:43:56 Kristen: Just kidding.

0:43:57 Madame Silvaine: So in your wildest dreams, what would you like to look like?

0:44:02 Adaine: Just like a normal kid that's not wearing a school uniform at a school that doesn't have a school uniform.

0:44:08 Madame Silvaine: What about a tiny little sailor?

0:44:10 Fig: No.

0:44:11 Adaine: I'm a teenager, I'm not a baby.

0:44:13 Madame Silvaine: No, all right. Well, something normal, normal.

0:44:18 Adaine: Just like a T-shirt and jeans, maybe like a jean jacket.

0:44:22 Madame Silvaine: You would like a T-shirt and (overpronouncing) jeans and a jean jacket?

0:44:27 Adaine: Don't say that like they're foreign words. You know what those words mean.

0:44:29 Madame Silvaine: I... only because of my extremely diligent study of the craft of fashion have I ever heard those words before. I think you shall look an absolute fool dearie, but I shall try my best.

0:44:43 Emily: Can I Charm Person on her?

0:44:45 Brennan: Yes, sure thing. (air wooshing)

0:44:48 Madame Silvaine: Buh.

0:44:51 Fig: Get the girl what she wants.

0:44:53 Madame Silvaine: A T-shirt, a jean jacket and a pair of jeans. Very well…. Hah!

0:44:59 Brennan: And flounces off into the shop.

0:45:01 Kristen: I feel like all of these are going to have lace sewn somewhere onto them and— We can take it off.

0:45:04 Fig: I know, we've got a pocket knife we can just cut it right off.

0:45:07 Fabian: I don't know Adaine, I thought you would look lovely as a sailor, but.

0:45:11 Adaine: Tiny little sailor boy. That's basically what I'm already wearing.

0:45:14 Fabian: Exactly, and I think you look just fine now.

0:45:16 Adaine: Well, thank you, but I want to actually just be able, like I don't want to worry about my skirt flying up in the middle of battle you know?

0:45:26 Brennan: She returns with a pair of cool skinny jeans, this sort of dark blue T-shirt that has a very faded arcane polygon-like rune structure on it, but almost impossible to see unless you're looking for it and this wool-lined denim jacket.

0:45:37 Siobhan: Oh.

0:45:42 Emily: Ooh.

0:45:48 Brennan: That has a ton of very small pockets on it. You see that they don't seem to look like a bunch of pockets, but you see that there's like two kind of on the breast, and there's some for your hands down here and there's two on the interior and there's two smaller zip-up ones right near the base.

0:46:05 Adaine: I love pockets.

0:46:06 Brennan: She says,

0:46:06 Madame Silvaine: Oh, well, if you love pockets, then you'll love this jacket, dearie. Go ahead, cast your spell, do you have any ability to detect magic, I want you to see--

0:46:11 Adaine: I do.

0:46:17 Madame Silvaine: The craftsmanship. (dramatic energy rushing) (Siobhan blows air)

0:46:19 Brennan: Voom, your eyes glow blue, you see a very minor divinatory and abjurative magic on the T-shirt and powerful conjuration magic on the jacket.

0:46:33 Madame Silvaine: This is a Jacket of Useful Things, put it on. (clothing rustling)

0:46:42 Kristen: Whoa, you look cool.

0:46:43 Emily: Oh my God.

0:46:43 Riz: It's on inside out. It's on inside out.

0:46:45 Adaine: (whispering) Oh God damn it.

0:46:46 Madame Silvaine: The wool is on the inside, dearie.

0:46:48 Kristen: Maybe it was reversible.

0:46:50 Brennan: She says,

0:46:50 Madame Silvaine: Now, let's say you'd like something for your friends, or you need something, what's the sort of thing that you never have the ability to carry in your pockets? You know they never give ladies’ clothing pockets.

0:47:03 Adaine: Never.

0:47:04 Madame Silvaine: Never! This hoop skirt has over 35 pounds of material goods in it!

0:47:10 Adaine: (impressed) That's... heavy.

0:47:12 Fig: Yo, start showing us.

0:47:13 Madame Silvaine: I have a full ham! (pulls it out and holds it over her head)

0:47:15 Kristen: Wow.

0:47:16 Fig: Okay.

0:47:17 Murph: I eat it, ah. (Murph imitates feral goblin chomping)

0:47:19 Madame Silvaine: That's a hungry boy.

0:47:19 Emily: Ha ha.

0:47:19 Madame Silvaine: With a helping heaping of ham.

0:47:23 Fig: You got a cigarette in there?

0:47:25 Madame Silvaine: I most certainly do.

0:47:27 Brennan: (mimics magic casting). Huge holder and a little gilded cigarette.

0:47:29 Fig: Okay, hello.

0:47:30 Kristen: Wow, Fig.

0:47:31 Riz: This lady rules.

0:47:32 Madame Silvaine: Now, I must warn you, it's not tobacco.

0:47:36 Fig: What is it?

0:47:37 Madame Silvaine: It's Halfling weed mixed with dragon spice.

0:47:42 Fig: All right.

0:47:42 Kristen: (offscreen) How is it?

0:47:43 Madame Silvaine: Madam Silvaine knows how to cut loose at the end of the day.

0:47:47 Fig: I'm into where you're at... I like it.

0:47:47 Kristen: How is it? Fig hands the cigarette to Kristen, who looks at it with a confused grimace and eventually hands it back.

0:47:47 Adaine: You know I thought that you weren't cool, but you're extremely cool.

0:47:49 Fabian: All of you wanted to go somewhere else and this place is fantastic. (everyone laughs)

0:47:55 Madame Silvaine: Oh, I didn't recognize young Fabian, oh.

0:47:59 Fabian: It's good to see you, how are you?

0:48:00 Kristen: Cool.

0:48:01 Madame Silvaine: Good, good, good, good, good. it's so lovely, Cathilda stopped by for the card.

0:48:07 Fabian: Yes of course, yes.

0:48:09 Madame Silvaine: Lovely, yes, yes, yes.

0:48:10 Brennan: You see she says,

0:48:10 Madame Silvaine: Your father's coat, how is it doing?

0:48:13 Fabian: It's fantastic, oh, your patch work is incredible.

0:48:16 Madame Silvaine: Of course! And that coat explodes. (Adaine laughing)

0:48:19 Fabian: It does, it does.

0:48:20 Madame Silvaine: It blows (rolling r’s) right up.

0:48:21 Fabian: Yes.

0:48:23 Madame Silvaine: Now reach in there, picture something in your mind that you'd like.

0:48:27 Adaine: Okay, I am quite hungry so I guess a sandwich? (piano music)

0:48:30 Brennan: A full hoagie comes out pre-wrapped. (plastic crinkles) (Siobhan offers half to Zac)

0:48:35 Zac: I'm not there. (everyone laughs) (She offers it to Fig instead)

0:48:38 Kristen: Cool.

0:48:40 Madame Silvaine: What is something that couldn't even be in the pocket, say a piping hot cup of tea? (Adaine reaches into the coat, clothing rustling) (porcelain tinkling)

0:48:47 Brennan: Full saucer, little two sugar cubes on the side, spoon in the cup and just a perfectly steeped cup of tea.

0:48:54 Fig: Hey Adaine, can I have a rat? (piano music stops)

0:48:58 Madame: Unfortunately, the jacket cannot create living things, or rather it can, but they will exist in a terrifying half life, neither real or imaginary, their existence will be a horrifying, excruciating pain and they will seek to kill themselves as quickly as possible, don't pull a rat out.

0:49:17 Fig: What about an oyster, they don't have a central nervous system, so--

0:49:20 Madame: An oyster would be fine. (laughs)

0:49:22 Adaine: (pulling out an oyster) Do you want a knife to shuck it with?

0:49:24 Fig: No, it's a pet.

0:49:25 Kristen: Can I have some— whoa.

0:49:26 Adaine: Pet oyster, put it in some water, it's going to immediately die.

0:49:31 Fig: (laughs) Sure, can I have some water? Adaine passes Fig some water.

0:49:33 Fabian: Also, doesn't theoretically that oyster want to kill itself, but it can't, because it has no kind of central nervous system with which to do it?

0:49:41 Madame Silvaine: An oyster desires nothing, dear boy.

0:49:44 Fabian: Oh fantastic.

0:49:45 Fig: Cool.

0:49:46 Madame Silvaine: Well, that would be 45 gold pieces if you'd like to make the purchase.

0:49:51 Adaine: Yes, I have that exactly.

0:49:52 Madame Silvaine: Well splendid, (swipes card) shing! Ah, another good day of business for The Gilded Coin, pew!

0:49:58 Brennan: The card disappears into sparkles, she collects the sparkles, (mimes throwing) throws them on some of the dresses and says,

0:50:03 Madame Silvaine: Can I help you with anything else?

0:50:06 Fig: Wasn't there five dollars left over, five gold pieces left over on that gift certificate?

0:50:09 Adaine: No that was 45.

0:50:10 Kristen: You look really cool, Adaine.

0:50:12 Fig: You look great.

0:50:12 Fabian: You do look very cool.

0:50:14 Adaine: I mean, I guess I'll have to wash this T-shirt a lot, but I'm very excited about it.

0:50:17 Madame Silvaine: Oh yes, I would say, do give it a good wash before you wear it, those clothing should be washed. I wouldn't wear it straightaway. I will also say this, if you do not wash it some of the things other people put in there might be in there so, careful.

0:50:37 Kristen: Cool.

0:50:38 Adaine: Who owned this before I owned it?

0:50:40 Madame Silvaine: Store's closing, farewell, children. (heavy door slamming)

0:50:44 Kristen: What, it's the middle of the day.

0:50:47 Siobhan: Can I cast Identify on my jacket?

0:50:49 Identify Spell: Ah yes, the Jacket of Useful Things, formerly the Robe of Useful Things, crafted by Elven archmagi in time immemorial, the most recent archmagi of the Elves, Eleanor Buchanan, thought it looked stuffy and old and wanted to give it a new, rad vibe, changing it into a denim wool-lined jacket. This has been another use of the Identify spell. (suspenseful music)

0:51:16 Adaine: Huh, I would like to have the object that the last owner of this jacket put in it.

0:51:26 Brennan: You pull out a note saying “I am hiding in the jacket, please don't take me out.”

0:51:35 Adaine: Who are you?

0:51:37 Brennan: You look in and it's just like an empty pocket.

0:51:42 Ally: Uh what?

0:51:42 Siobhan: What?

0:51:43 Emily: Can I Detect Thoughts on her jacket?

0:51:46 Brennan: An overwhelming wave of thoughts, thousands or millions of strains of consciousness beat into your psyche all at once and you take 10 points of damage.

0:51:59 Ally: What?

0:52:00 Adaine: How many people are in this jacket?

0:52:02 Fabian: Well, don't pull any of them out otherwise they will be trapped in the half life thing, right?

0:52:05 Riz: Ask for a note that says the number of how many people are in the jacket.

0:52:10 Adaine: I would like a note saying how many people are hidden in this jacket.

0:52:14 Brennan: A note comes out saying “mind your own fucking business.”

0:52:18 Fabian: Damn.

0:52:19 Adaine: This jacket is so sassy.

0:52:20 Kristen: Oh my gosh, it looks so good, but like also you're carrying around a multitude of people.

0:52:24 Fabian: Souls.

0:52:27 Fig: But they're all taking refuge in there though.

0:52:29 Adaine: I mean I guess so.

0:52:29 Fig: So you're kind of like wearing a cool hostel.

0:52:32 Riz: Do we have to pull them out? Should we pull them out, right?

0:52:35 Adaine: But if I pull them out, they’re dead.

0:52:36 Riz: We just put them back in.

0:52:36 Adaine: If living people went in--

0:52:37 Riz: They can go in my bag.

0:52:38 Fig: I think they're like--

0:52:38 Adaine: When they come out, are they still do they have to live a half life? Who knows?

0:52:44 Brennan: You can cast Identify again.

0:52:46 Ally: Oh my gosh.

0:52:46 Lou: I mean I--

0:52:46 Siobhan: I guess I'll cast Identify again.

0:52:48 Identify Spell: Ah yes, the question of whether the beings in the jacket will live a half life, if they didn't originate from the jacket, the question as old as time itself.

0:52:59 Kristen: Is it?

0:53:00 Identify Spell: No. (Kristen laughing)

0:53:00 Identify Spell: The jacket of course can only produce objects worth a pittance, expensive items, jewels and that sort cannot be produced, it's just useful things that the jacket produces, the creatures taking refuge in the jacket are various refugees, criminals and hideaways that live in a city at the center of the extra-dimensional space within the jacket. They live complex lives, form relationships, nations rise and fall, and they have no way of exiting the jacket. It's more of a thought experiment, really, and has no ability to interfere with you living your life, just sort of a mindfuck for you to walk around with.

0:53:39 Emily: Can I just like put my hand in one of the pockets just a little bit?

0:53:42 Brennan: You hit the bottom of the pocket.

0:53:45 Emily: (quietly) Okay.

0:53:46 Adaine: I would like a chocolate rat.

0:53:48 Brennan: (laughs) A little chocolate rat comes out.

0:53:50 Adaine: Here you go, here's your rat. (Brennan laughs)

0:53:53 Fig: Well I already got one pet, so I'll just.

0:53:56 Brennan: Cool, we're gonna move on from there. You guys it gets closer to like the holiday season, you guys have your holiday break. There's a little Solstice party that happens. You guys all get together.

0:54:09 Emily: Is Gorthalax going to be there?

0:54:11 Brennan: Gorthalax shows up.

0:54:14 Emily: And Gilear and Gorthalax are both there?

0:54:15 Brennan: Gilear and Gorthalax are both there, the Thistlesprings are hosting it,

0:54:16 Zac: Oh yeah.

0:54:17 Brennan: So it's a little Thistlespring holiday party. They've decorated the tree with little lights and there's a little Helio symbol and everyone's having a great time.

0:54:28 Digby: Well Gorgug, we're so happy look at all your pals.

0:54:31 Gorgug: Thanks for coming to the party.

0:54:33 Digby: Merry Solstice everybody, Merry Solstice, there's cookies.

0:54:35 Riz: Merry Solstice.

0:54:36 Fabian: Merry Solstice, yeah.

0:54:36 Adaine: Merry Solstice.

0:54:36 Kristen: I actually don't celebrate Solstice anymore, but happy holidays.

0:54:41 Digby: Happy holidays to you. It's just a secular thing here. We don't really believe either, we just grew up with it.

0:54:44 Kristen: Okay.

0:54:46 Digby: Yeah, for sure.

0:54:48 Emily: I'm making everyone hot chocolate and secretly spiking it.

0:54:51 Brennan: Awesome.

0:54:52 Ally: With like the wrong thing though, like a teen. Jager. (Emily laughs)

0:54:58 Brennan: You see Gilear and Gorthalax are talking over in a corner, Gorthalax is huge, he's got like a little festive wreath on his head and he's got a little thing of cider, he's going like,

0:55:06 Gorthalax: Yeah, well, you know it's been rough, basically I was gone, so I've been demoted, my sort of infernal duchy has kind of been carved up by other devil princes, so I’d kind of have to take a demotion if I want to get back on the ladder at this point— oh hey, sweetie, how's it going?

0:55:25 Fig: Hey! Did you meet my pet, Little Gilear?

0:55:28 Gorthalax: Oh, look at that--

0:55:31 Brennan: What are you gesturing to when you say that?

0:55:32 Emily: My oyster in my water.

0:55:34 Brennan: Your little oyster, this is many weeks later by the way.

0:55:37 Murph: She's still carrying it around.

0:55:39 Brennan: Dope.

0:55:39 Emily: Is it dead?

0:55:39 Siobhan: So stinky.

0:55:41 Brennan: Oh yeah, it smells horrible. It's a true fucking nightmare.

0:55:49 Siobhan: So metal.

0:55:49 Emily: (laughing) All right.

0:55:49 Siobhan: So metal.

0:55:50 Brennan: Yeah, so metal to carry a fucking perished oyster around with you.

0:55:55 Zac: In a glass of water?

0:55:55 Emily: I'm a little concerned about that okay, if it's dead, then I think I'm gonna give it a nice little burial and move on with my life.

0:56:01 Fabian: Oh finally, thank God.

0:56:02 Gorgug: We were going to talk to you about that.

0:56:03 Fabian: We have been talking behind your back about maybe having an intervention of some kind? Thank God.

0:56:09 Fig: Why didn't you guys say it was dead?

0:56:11 Kristen: You one time were like “can I talk to you for a second?” and you were kind of whispering something in my ear, but you were just holding it right underneath my nose and I just had to sit there while you were talking.

0:56:21 Fig: Shit, I didn't even realize.

0:56:24 Brennan: You see Gorthalax turns over to you and says,

0:56:28 Gorthalax: Oh, sweetie, I'd actually like to talk to you for a second if I could.

0:56:32 Fig: Yeah, totally. Is it about the oyster because I thought it was alive?

0:56:38 Gorthalax: No, no, it's fine, you can do whatever you want.

0:56:40 Fig: Okay.

0:56:41 Gorthalax: I gotta head out soon because your mom's gonna be here in a little while and--

0:56:44 Fig: Ugh, (rolling her eyes) I might as well head out too.

0:56:46 Gorthalax: No, you should stay, it's good.

0:56:48 Fig: No, I have two dads and no mother.

0:56:50 Gorthalax: I don't, I don't like that sweetie.

0:56:56 Fig: She's honestly barely been around. Gilear has done a lot more raising me.

0:57:02 Gorthalax: I think it's probably because you seek Gilear out.

0:57:07 Fig: I can't argue with that.

0:57:09 Gorthalax: Look, I want to talk to you because I know I've been kind of coming and going, I've been taking care of some stuff back in hell.

0:57:18 Fig: Which by the way I can't wait to visit.

0:57:21 Gorthalax: Well, that's why I want to talk to you.

0:57:27 Fig: Spring break, me and my friends come down to hell?

0:57:30 Gorthalax: You can keep guessing if you like, do you want to keep guessing? I'm having a hard time saying it is what I'm saying.

0:57:37 Fig: Okay.

0:57:37 Gorthalax: Yeah.

0:57:38 Fig: I'll shut the fuck up.

0:57:42 Gorthalax: If I went back to Hell, I'd have to take a pretty severe demotion, I'd no longer be a pit fiend, I'd go back to probably a gallygon or cornegon or something like that, um … I also got a job offer here in town and I just don't want to do anything around your life, I've consumed untold thousands of souls and I don't want to consume your life, if you want--

0:58:26 Fig: No, you should definitely take the job here.

0:58:30 Gorthalax: You sure, you want to sleep on it?

0:58:32 Fig: Yeah. I don't need to sleep on it. We'll start a band, it'll be great.

0:58:36 Gorthalax: I'd like for us to have more time to jam. It would be good.

0:58:38 Fig: Yeah.

0:58:40 Gorthalax: If you change your mind, let me know.

0:58:43 Fig: I won't.

0:58:43 Gorthalax: I'm gonna say yes, okay?

0:58:45 Fig: Yeah, what is it? (pointing) Coach at Aguefort?

0:58:47 Gorthalax: How'd you know?

0:58:49 Fig: (smugly) I had a feeling.

0:58:51 Brennan: The next day at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy.

0:58:52 Emily: Ha ha!

0:58:53 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:58:54 Brennan: It's the day after Solstice, a couple weeks later, at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, that season, this current season was scrubbed because the coach got murdered so—

0:59:06 Murph: Killed.

0:59:07 Brennan: Killed.

0:59:08 Lou: We killed him.

0:59:09 Brennan: You killed him. You see the next day there's a little assembly as you guys come back from the winter break, Vice Principal Goldenhoard says, (microphone whistles)

0:59:18 Goldenhoard: Students of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, wow, we've made it halfway through the year, four faculty deaths, a handful of student deaths, looking good, on track for a strong finish. I would like to introduce one and all to our new coach, please give a warm welcome to Gorthalax the Insatiable.

0:59:43 Kristen: Woo! (clapping)

0:59:44 Emily: I use Thaumaturgy to make the loudest roar of stadium cheering possible. (audience cheering)

0:59:52 Brennan: You see Gorthalax comes out still in the loin cloth, the huge devil. You see he has a tiny baseball cap on the top of his head and a huge spiked black chain ending in an enormous skull whistle on his chest. He comes out and says, (microphone whistles)

1:00:14 Gorthalax: Hey gang, happy to be here, happy to be on board, I've not been involved in the academic career for the first semester this year, but looking to come in the middle of the season. Obviously, we've had to forfeit to those bums over on the Hellions and the Mad, boo!

1:00:34 Everyone: Boo, boo!

1:00:35 Gorthalax: But we're going to get those Owlbears in fighting shape for next year. We're going to take it to them, how does that sound?

1:00:40 Everyone: Woo! (claps)

1:00:41 Gorthalax: All right, great.

1:00:46 Brennan: Gorthalax walks over to you guys afterwards and says,

1:00:49 Gorthalax: Great, well I'm going to get used to the new digs.

1:00:52 Fig: Dad, before you go, this (points at Fabian) is who you need to be meeting.

1:00:57 Fabian: Oh, Fig, there's no need.

1:00:58 Fig: I have seen this man is built for sport.

1:01:00 Fabian: Oh my God.

1:01:02 Kristen: It's true.

1:01:03 Fig: He doesn't talk like it, but he plays like it.

1:01:05 Adaine: Also, if you need a Ball, we have one.

1:01:06 Riz: Well.

1:01:07 Fabian: If you do need a Ball, we definitely have a Ball, but I--

1:01:09 Kristen: He was built for being the Ball.

1:01:10 Fabian: But I do also play Bloodrush.

1:01:10 Brennan: You see he looks at you and says,

1:01:14 Gorthalax: Listen, sorry guys, we already had tryouts. We had them at the Durinson Mithril Factory and you're all in. (exciting, happy music)

1:01:23 Fabian: What, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what, we're all on the team?

1:01:25 Riz: We’re all on the team?

1:01:26 Kristen: What?

1:01:26 Adaine: I thought--

1:01:26 Gorthalax: Anybody,

1:01:26 Brennan: he says,

1:01:26 Gorthalax: What you guys did at Mithril Factory blew my mind. If you want in on the team, you're in. If you don't want to play, you don't have to, but--

1:01:37 Riz: I'm in on the team, I'm in.

1:01:39 Kristen: Yeah, I hate going home.

1:01:40 Riz: I'm as good at sports as Fabian.

1:01:41 Kristen: I'll do anything to be outside of my house.

1:01:42 Fabian: It makes 100% sense that I'm on the team, but you're telling me we're all on the team.

1:01:46 Kristen: Sounds like I'll be the star.

1:01:46 Riz: Gorthalax, can I be the captain?

1:01:48 Gorthalax: We'll put it to a vote.

1:01:49 Fabian: All right.

1:01:50 Riz: Who wants me to be the captain instead of Fabian?

1:01:53 Gorgug: I think you could be a good captain.

1:01:54 Kristen: I kind of feel like, right Fabian, you’re obviously the captain.

1:01:56 Fig: I think Fabian should probably be the captain.

1:01:57 Fabian: Thank you.

1:01:57 Kristen: Right, I mean the Ball.

1:01:59 Riz: You guys are just going to play into his ego, I was doing this as a--  okay no that's fine do it.

1:02:03 Fabian: (offended) Okay, then, what—

1:02:05 Riz: Let’s make the cool kid the captain.

1:02:07 Adaine: I mean just for sports, not for real life.

1:02:08 Riz: Let's make the cool kid the captain.

1:02:09 Brennan: He says,

1:02:09 Gorthalax: Let's just see here, Kristen, heads up,

1:02:11 Brennan: Tosses the ball.

1:02:12 Kristen: Ah!

1:02:13 Brennan: Go ahead and make an acrobatics check.

1:02:16 Ally: Great, my acrobatics are niet goed! (Dutch for ‘not good’)

1:02:20 Murph: Negative three.

1:02:22 Ally: 10.

1:02:25 Brennan: The ball bounces off your hands and lands on the ground. He says,

1:02:28 Gorthalax: You're certainly welcome to, you know, if you want to find a way to support the team, you're welcome to do that.

1:02:32 Kristen: Cool.

1:02:35 Adaine: Maybe you could be the healer/manager.

1:02:38 Kristen: I don't want to be the stats girl. (Lou laughs)

1:02:42 Adaine: Ah, I wanted to be the stats girl, is that bad?

1:02:45 Kristen: (to Adaine) Oh, yeah...

1:02:46 Gorthalax: You want in the team, point is, show up to practice ready to play, we're going to drill you guys hard, okay?

1:02:50 Fabian: Hell yes, coach.

1:02:51 Gorthalax: That’s what I like to see.

1:02:52 Adaine: But isn't this just a physical game? I feel like I should join whatever the equivalent of the mathletes is.

1:02:58 Gorthalax: Yeah, you don't have to join—

1:02:59 Kristen: I'm excited to be on the team, I never want to go home again.

1:03:01 Gorgug: I kind of want to play.

1:03:03 Fig: I'll definitely play.

1:03:03 Gorthalax: I didn't want you guys to feel left out. It's mostly Fabian.

1:03:07 Fabian: Hell yeah, Coach.

1:03:07 Gorgug: I think I would be good.

1:03:08 Gorthalax: And I think Gorgug and Riz would also be good if you guys want to jump on.

1:03:12 Kristen: This is very gendered.

1:03:13 Fig: And also Fig.

1:03:15 Gorthalax: Fig, do you want to play?

1:03:16 Fig: Yeah!

1:03:17 Adaine: I feel like you should be in band.

1:03:19 Fig: Nah, I've been kind of outrunning my true destiny.

1:03:22 Gorthalax: I'm gonna let you guys figure this out on your own time, you come back to me you let me know.

1:03:24 Fabian: Fantastic.

1:03:26 Adaine: Like if we get to do extracurriculars, it should be--

1:03:28 Fabian: Whoever wants to play can play I mean--

1:03:30 Fig: I guess I'll look at I guess I could look at band.

1:03:31 Ally: I was wondering, could I start casting Augury?

1:03:32 Brennan: Yeah.

1:03:33 Ally: While just kind of sitting by myself on the bleachers or wherever we are.

1:03:38 Brennan: Yeah, absolutely.

1:03:38 Ally: Okay cool.

1:03:41 Brennan: What do you casting Augury, what are you asking?

1:03:43 Ally: It takes a minute and I'm probably not gonna use like, corn religious stuff, but maybe I found like moonstones or something in a New Age place and I just want to know if it will work out with like my parents and home life.

1:03:58 Brennan: You cast Augury and the answer you get back is woe and weal, which in Augury terms means dark times are ahead and past them something good.

1:04:13 Ally: Cool, okay yeah. (whimsical music)

1:04:14 Brennan: But you hear a voice behind you as the sound of someone riding up on a bicycle. You see a young woman with a unibrow and a short haircut kind of like long clawish kind of fingernails, gets off the bike, says, The character card for Tracker reads “Kristen’s Missed Connection”.

1:04:32 Tracker: Casting that with moonstones?

1:04:36 Kristen: Hey, what's, oh my gosh, what's your name again?

1:04:41 Tracker: Tracker.

1:04:42 Kristen: Oh my gosh, yeah right, Tracker, ah right. Kristen, hi.

1:04:47 Tracker: Hey, I saw you over here, I'm here visiting my uncle.

1:04:49 Kristen: I'm shaking your hand for way too long. What were you saying?

1:04:53 Tracker: You want to keep shaking my hand?

1:04:55 Kristen: Oh okay, it's crazy, no, I'm not crazy.

1:04:58 Tracker: I'm here visiting my uncle, I saw you over here casting a spell with moonstones.

1:05:03 Kristen: Oh yeah, yeah, I've been reading some stuff about moons. (Kristen makes a pained expression, with her eyes closed) (sentimental piano music)

1:05:12 Brennan: You see she says,

1:05:12 Tracker: Okay, if you ever want to talk about like, Lida and the Goddess of the Moon and stuff like that, you're welcome to come talk to me.

1:05:21 Kristen: Oh, you know about that stuff?

1:05:22 Tracker: I'm a Cleric of Lida.

1:05:26 Kristen: Huh, (uncomfortable laughter) oh fantastic.

1:05:28 Tracker: So.

1:05:30 Kristen: Who's your uncle-- where do you live? (everyone laughs)

1:05:35 Brennan: You hear a noise as you hear a voice say,

1:05:38 Jawbone: Well, that's just the thing right, because the feelings they're bigger when you keep them locked up, (Emily gasps)

1:05:45 Brennan: You see that Jawbone is walking down some steps with Ragh next to him. Jawbone still has like the black jean cutoffs and he's got this metal shredder pentagram shirt, but you see that he's moved into kind of like a thigh length cardigan sweater with like a chunky collar and he's got glasses now and he's got like a little mug of tea and you see he's going like, he goes, Jawbone’s character card reads “New Guidance Counselor”.

1:06:13 Jawbone: I mean that's basically it, you know. You can't lie about who you are forever because then you're not even on your own side. It's like the Owlbears, if you're not playing for your own team, how can you expect anybody else to? You know what I mean, bud? One time I was eating this holy mushroom behind a ziggurat in Yuan-ti country and I was tripping balls, you understand, I came to surrounded by dead bodies of temple guards and a ticket for a zeppelin going to a country I'd never heard of. (long pause, Zac and Brennan laugh) (sentimental string music)

1:06:56 Jawbone: I think about who I'd be if I'd got on that zeppelin, if I'd been honest with myself. (sips tea) If you got the ticket, you gotta take the ride, kid, that's all I gotta say.

1:07:09 Brennan: You see Ragh kind of like (rubbing his sleeve) touches an arm and goes,

1:07:11 Ragh: Oh, thanks Jawbone, you're cool as hell.

1:07:16 Jawbone: Hey man, ain't nobody in this world cool, you know what I mean, we're all fucking pieces of shit, come on in here. (hugs)

1:07:21 Brennan: And he gives him a big hug and he says,

1:07:24 Jawbone: All right, brother, you come by any time now, all right, hey if you feel up to it, you never should push somebody around or be a bully, but it's not bullying people to let them know what's going on in here (points to heart) okay? Okay.

1:07:40 Brennan: and walks away and Ragh kind of like walks off and has like a shy kind of smile, he looks like he's been crying, but has found some kind of center to himself. And walks away from there. Jawbone walks over, he goes,

1:07:53 Jawbone: Oh Tracker, come here girl,

1:07:57 Brennan: And gives her a big hug, looks over and says,

1:07:58 Jawbone: Oh Miss Applebees, how are you doing?

1:08:02 Kristen: I'm great, how are you Jawbone?

1:08:04 Jawbone: I'm good as hell, I'm feeling great.

1:08:07 Kristen: I gotta go. (stares at the ground)

1:08:08 Jawbone: All right, you're welcome to go if you want.

1:08:11 Kristen: No, I just felt like I was keeping you guys. You guys have to go. Now. (uncomfortable laughter)

1:08:16 Jawbone: If you want to come over some time, Tracker has friends over, so you're welcome to come over if you want.

1:08:23 Kristen: Cool yeah, oh you have friends Tracker?

1:08:25 Brennan: Tracker says,

1:08:25 Tracker: (disbelieving) Do I have friends?

1:08:28 Kristen: Yeah, cool.

1:08:29 Tracker: Yeah, I have friends.

1:08:31 Kristen: Cool me too, those are my friends over there. (points)

1:08:34 Siobhan: All of us are staring at this conversation like “oh no”.

1:08:37 Emily: Can I do an insight check to see how old Tracker is? (Ally laughing)

1:08:40 Brennan: Yeah.

1:08:42 Emily: 9.

1:08:44 Brennan: You have no idea how old Tracker is.

1:08:46 Emily: Mysterious.

1:08:47 Zac: Can I do an Insight check?

1:08:48 Brennan: Yeah. (Emily laughs)

1:08:51 Zac: 6.

1:08:53 Murph: (sighs, rubs his temples) 25.

1:08:54 Brennan: 25.

1:08:54 Siobhan: (offscreen) Oh, a Nat 1.

1:08:54 Brennan: Tracker looks to be like high school age, she looks like she might be 16, like a sophomore.

1:09:00 Emily: Sweet.

1:09:01 Riz: You're all good, Kristen.

1:09:02 Kristen: What, oh no you're all good. These guys won't let me.

1:09:06 Fig: I wouldn't have judged.

1:09:07 Brennan: (to Zac) You try to get a bead on Tracker as much as you can, but you get distracted really quick, because you're looking at Jawbone. (Ally snickering)

1:09:15 Brennan: Here's the thing, you have been getting a lot of shit for thinking that people are your dad. Even though, you don't think Jawbone's your dad, you're positive that he's not your dad in fact, but here's the thing, Tracker called Jawbone her uncle, you’re pretty sure he's her dad.

1:09:35 Lou: Can I do an Insight check on what Gorgug is currently thinking about?

1:09:38 Brennan: Yeah, for sure.

1:09:40 Lou: 18.

1:09:42 Brennan: 18, you think that Gorgug is cracking a case wide open in his head.

1:09:46 Lou: Can I punch him in the back of the head real hard? (everyone laughs)

1:09:49 Brennan: Yes, you absolutely can. Go ahead and make an attack roll.

1:09:53 Lou: Great, a Nat 20. (everyone laughs, Emily screeches)

1:09:59 Brennan: You fucking, wham, (imitates punch) Gorgug hits. (heavy thudding)

1:10:03 Fabian: (distressed) Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you.

1:10:04 Riz: Oh my God!

1:10:05 Fabian: It wasn't supposed to be that hard—

1:10:07 Riz: What was that?

1:10:08 Fig: What was that? (everyone talking)

1:10:08 Jawbone: Hey, hey, hey hey hey hey, what the hell is going on around here?

1:10:12 Faiban: I'm sorry, he was thinking that you're his dad, he does it a lot. And then—

1:10:16 Gorgug: No! (distressed) You're her dad. (pointing at Tracker) (everyone laughs)

1:10:20 Gorgug: Don't you see?

1:10:23 Fabian: Oh okay, my bad.

1:10:25 Jawbone: Hey, hey, there are ways to solve things without violence and I'll be honest, violence usually comes from a place of fear. And I notice that you haven't stopped by my office anytime.

1:10:41 Fabian: Well yeah, I watched you bite one of my friends.

1:10:46 Jawbone: I'm sorry I bit one of your friends, but you know what I never bit myself and that's something that you're doing on an emotional level every day.

1:10:53 Fabian: (offended) Okay.

1:10:54 Gorgug: You punched me so hard.

1:10:56 Fabian: I'm sorry, I didn't--

1:10:57 Siobhan: I pull an ice pack out of my incredible fucking jacket.

1:11:03 Brennan: Jawbone and Tracker take off, Tracker waves at you.

1:11:07 Kristen: Good luck.

1:11:08 Tracker: With what?

1:11:09 Kristen: Hm? (everyone laughs)

1:11:12 Kristen: Maybe I'll see you around. (whimsical string music)

1:11:15 Tracker: Feel free to contact me, yeah, if you want to hang out, let's hang out.

1:11:18 Kristen: Oh cool, yeah, I'll find your, can I have your number?

1:11:22 Tracker: Yeah,

1:11:23 Brennan: she just comes over, says,

1:11:23 Tracker: What's your number?

1:11:28 Kristen: 679-229-76.

1:11:33 Brennan: Her number shows up on your crystal and it says Tracker and there's like a little winky face.

1:11:38 Kristen: (whispering) I have to go.

1:11:38 Ally: and I run, I sprint.

1:11:42 Brennan: Sprint away from there, you guys move along. Other loose ends that we're just gonna cover. Yeah, the cats and owls disappear almost immediately that happened way long ago, the cats and owls are gone. Who has Edgar the Rat, Edgar the Rat's just--

1:11:57 Murph: I have Edgar the Rat.

1:11:58 Emily: (offscreen) Yeah, what’s up with that rat?

1:11:58 Brennan: He's just like a good pet. Edgar's like a nice little rat.

1:12:00 Fig: You're so lucky to have a pet that's alive.

1:12:04 Riz: You have two dads.

1:12:05 Fig: That's true.

1:12:07 Brennan: You see that going into like sort of thick of winter and heading towards into the spring, you guys have been having just a really solid year. Let's go around and everyone just say sort of like how you're feeling as the year kinds of rounds into spring as you know the sort of cops took over the case and you guys are having a sort of dynamite year at school. What's going with you over the course of that year? (emotional acoustic guitar music)

1:12:33 Siobhan: I mean I'm still frustrated with my parents that I'm doing so well at the school and it truly means nothing to them.

1:12:42 Zac: I'm just happy I have some friends and, every now and then, see Zelda in passing and try to talk to her, but it doesn't quite happen.

1:12:48 Zelda: (shoulders up to her ears, waving awkwardly) Ah, eh,

1:12:55 Brennan: and walks away.

1:12:56 Gorgug: Okay. (laugh)

1:12:57 Emily: I think I'll probably since I have two dads now, my rebellion is kind of calming down, so I probably actually go take some band classes and stuff like that, and then also I fake sick a lot to go see Dr. Asha at the hospital.

1:13:15 Brennan: On your first attempt to do that, I'm gonna need you to roll a deception check.

1:13:21 Emily: Okay, mm, 15.

1:13:23 Brennan: Uh.

1:13:25 Emily: Oh wait, I get an advantage, don't I get an advantage because of Actor?

1:13:28 Brennan: Oh you do you get an advantage, yeah.

1:13:30 Emily: Okay, 20.

1:13:31 Brennan: 20, you sneak into the hospital and find this adult dwarf who believes you to be an adult. (soap opera music)

1:13:45 Fig: Hey, we just haven't talked since the kiss.

1:13:50 Dr. Asha: What do you mean we haven't talked since the kiss?

1:13:53 Fig: The kiss, we kissed.

1:13:54 Dr. Asha: Dr. Keller, you work here everyday.

1:13:57 Fig: I know, but we haven't talked, you know we talk surface level, but we haven't--

1:14:01 Brennan: So he closes the door and he says--

1:14:02 Fig: Heart to heart.

1:14:04 Dr. Asha: You're pregnant?

1:14:08 Emily: And then I quickly manifest a little pregnant stomach to my disguise,

1:14:13 Fig: Yeah, with twins.

1:14:14 Dr. Asha: Whoa, twins? But the ultrasound.

1:14:18 Fig: It was a triplet, but we lost one.

1:14:20 Dr. Asha: What? (screams) No!

1:14:26 Brennan: Just smacks the door open and runs.

1:14:27 Fig: This is a really vulnerable time for both of us, just give me one more kiss.

1:14:32 Brennan: He turns around and says,

1:14:32 Dr. Asha: I'm so sorry.

1:14:34 Brennan: (miming holding her) passionate kiss,

1:14:37 Dr. Asha: God, you kiss so weird sometimes. (Emily laughs)

1:14:42 Brennan: He sprints out of the room and yeah, you're engaging in something truly disturbing. You guys --

1:14:54 Ally: Something truly disturbing.

1:14:56 Brennan: How about you guys as the year goes along? (emotional acoustic guitar music)

1:14:59 Lou: It feels right to be stepping into my rightful place or at least be taking steps toward becoming king of the school. It's nice to have my crew, party with me along the way.

1:15:11 Brennan: Mm, lovely.

1:15:13 Ally: I've been going with Tracker to like insanely gay events, but I go and I kind of go to the bathroom immediately and stand in there for a really long time, just happy that I'm there. (everyone laughs)

1:15:28 Ally: And then I almost always fake a phone call from my parents and leave right away. (Emily and Brennan laughing)

1:15:36 Murph: I think Riz is feeling some residual guilt for not finding Penny yet, but he's also super happy that he has friends now. He was a better detective when he was a loser, or at least that's what he's afraid of.

1:15:51 Siobhan: Yeah, well I think that Adaine probably is doing some extracurricular reading on palimpsests still, I think that's a thing.

1:15:59 Brennan: That's awesome, I think you two Adaine and Riz probably talked the most about those palimpsests, but it is hard, because life is good now, you definitely feel the edge being taken off and there's that guilt there. And there's always this, just there's something in your head of like a clue or something you missed that just tickles the back of your mind and then it's like the next fun thing with your friends or the next cool adventure, the next thing.

1:16:21 Fabian: Oh and I'd like to say one more thing. Now that things feel more solid, that these friendships that we have are true, it was I that got you all the gifts. It was me.

1:16:35 Kristen: Really?

1:16:36 Fig: Oh my God.

1:16:37 Fabian: Yes.

1:16:37 Adaine: Fabian.

1:16:38 Riz: (smiling) Fabian, that was--

1:16:39 Fig: Fabian, that's so cool.

1:16:40 Gorgug: You got yourself a gift?

1:16:43 Fabian: Well, (stutters) I didn't, I— here's the thing about being wealthy is that often people who surround you are interested in that and only that and I didn't want, I wanted you all to stay, but I didn't want to give in so hard that you all thought that that was the only, I didn't want--

1:17:02 Adaine: I mean if I'm being honest the thing that's worst about you is how you're wealthy.

1:17:06 Fabian: Oh.

1:17:07 Adaine: But thank you.

1:17:08 Fabian: (bemused) Thank you?

1:17:09 Kristen: Wow.

1:17:09 Fig: Just, I you know—

1:17:09 Kristen: Wow wow.

1:17:10 Adaine: You've risen in my estimation. That you didn’t say anything.

1:17:12 Fig: You know what, Fabian opened the floodgates. I know I can be a hard book to read, a tough cookie to crumble.

1:17:20 Kristen: No, you're pretty transparent.

1:17:21 Fabian: No, not at all.

1:17:22 Riz: You're transparent.

1:17:22 Adaine: You're the most transparent person at the--

1:17:23 Fig: A stale cracker to eat some turkey off. (laughs) (Gorgug wheezes)

1:17:26 Kristen: Excuse me?

1:17:28 Kristen: You've been hanging out with Gilear and eating dinner with him too long.

1:17:33 Riz: Anyway, thank you Fabian, we really appreciate it.

1:17:34 Kristen: Yeah, we really appreciate it Fabian.

1:17:35 Adaine: Thank you Fabian.

1:17:36 Brennan: You see Gilear walking into the room where you're hanging out.

1:17:38 Gilear: More turkey crackers?

1:17:39 Kristen: Oh no, we're okay.

1:17:42 Fabian: I really couldn't.

1:17:42 Adaine: Yeah, I'm full.

1:17:42 Fig: Yes please.

1:17:42 Adaine: I have this waybread that I'm still looking at.

1:17:43 Gilear: Very well.

1:17:45 Adaine: Would you like some?

1:17:47 Gilear: (sadly) Oh, Elven waybread, I better not, I can't afford it and--

1:17:53 Adaine: No no no, it's mine, I have it, it's fine, I'm giving it to you.

1:17:55 Gilear: No, I'm saying if I eat it, I'll remember what it tastes like and I won't be able to get it later.

1:17:59 Kristen: Wow, that's dark.

1:18:01 Adaine: I mean I can just, we have a ton of it at my house--

1:18:03 Gilear: (unconvincingly) No no, Gilear is happy with the turkey crackers.

1:18:08 Kristen: I feel like--

1:18:08 Emily: Wait wait, can we see as he turns around that I stitched him a little shirt that says Lunch Lad on the back, like a jersey?

1:18:17 Gilear: It's my only shirt without holes.

1:18:21 Gorgug: Can I ask you a question?

1:18:22 Gilear: Yes!

1:18:23 Gorgug: How did you think of turkey crackers?

1:18:26 Gilear: Well, there's a Bastion Market near here that gets rid of its food and the turkey gets thrown out in a sealed bag.

1:18:31 Fabian: (dismayed) Oh my God.

1:18:37 Riz: I know that trick.

1:18:40 Gilear: I need to go to my night job.

1:18:43 Kristen: Noooooo. (everyone laughs)

1:18:46 Murph: I'd like to take the tray of turkey crackers and put it in the neverending bag while winking at Fabian like “Thanks for the gift, man”.

1:18:53 Fabian: Of course.

1:18:54 Siobhan: I pull out sandwiches for everybody.

1:18:54 Kristen: I feel like I’m also being forced to go to church by my parents. There's another thing that I remember.

1:18:59 Brennan: Your parents still want you to go to church. You spend probably some nights back at home and at other times, it's like not great at home and you're just staying with friends and stuff like that.

1:19:06 Emily: I have one more thing I've been secretly doing, which is just that Gorthalax like I've been trying to sort of emulate what he does which is like just low key I haven't told any of them, I've never done it to any of them, but I'm kind of charming people into revealing their true selves, so I'm taking people like like when Gorthalax gave that whole speech about how he's not bad he just tempts people to reveal their true selves, I've been doing that on like a low level.

1:19:33 Brennan: A low key level?

1:19:33 Emily: Yeah.

1:19:33 Brennan: That's rad as hell. So getting into like late winter early spring kind of like end of February-ish, you guys have this weird feeling of this sort of suspicious of something like missed and Riz, one night you're asleep in bed and you have this intense dream where you're like in this giant crystal palace or dome and you look in front of you and you see Penny Luckstone. Cool, fun halfling, the best babysitter you ever had. She's got like the freckles and the sort of like shorter, reddish hair, kind of tussled curly hair and always had like fun games and stuff like that, she walks over to you kind of like hair on her feet, no shoes and she says,

1:20:29 Penny: Hey Riz, how you doing, bud? God, you've gotten so big.

1:20:33 Riz: Where have you been?

1:20:36 Penny: Time's coming up pretty soon. I'm not gone yet. I don't blame you for not finding me.

1:20:47 Riz: Hey, well, I'm still going to find you.

1:20:51 Penny: I hope so. I love you, you're a good kid.

1:20:55 Brennan: She gives you a noogie,

1:21:00 Penny: But the time's coming and it's worse than you think.

1:21:04 Brennan: (gasps) You wake up in bed.

1:21:08 Ally: Fuck.

1:21:10 Murph: Riz throws up.

1:21:12 Brennan: Adaine, that morning your father is sort of in a huff and he's sort of like,

1:21:14 Angwyn: (disgruntled) Well, that goblin woman is going to be coming by next week sometime, so I'll have to be speaking with her.

1:21:23 Adaine: You mean my friend's mother?

1:21:25 Angwyn: Um, yes, the goblin.

1:21:28 Adaine: Mrs. Gukgak? Actually, Captain Gukgak.

1:21:32 Angwyn: (throws his hands up) Very well, very well, yes, yes, yes, she's coming by soon.

1:21:36 Brennan: You see that Aelwyn comes by and she says,

1:21:38 Aelwyn: Good morning, mommy, good morning, daddy, good morning, Adaine, how are you?

1:21:41 Adaine: (insincerely) Oh I'm so well, thank you so much for asking.

1:21:44 Aelwyn: (sighs) All right, listen, I meant to ask, can I borrow one of your divination books? I have a test coming up and I'm a little bit fuzzy on some of my divinatory practices?

1:21:55 Adaine: Divination, I thought that you were good at everything.

1:22:00 Aelwyn: I'm focusing on Abjuration, but there are some elements of Abjurative magic and divinatory magic that are not complimentary, so I'm just a little fuzzy on some of the basics, can I borrow a book or do you want to rake me over the coals some more?

1:22:17 Adaine: You can borrow a book absolutely, I don't need it. I've already read them thank you.

1:22:23 Aelwyn: (sighs) Very well, Adaine,

1:22:25 Brennan: she lets herself upstairs.

1:22:26 Adaine: I can show you if you like, it's very easy, at least for me.

1:22:31 Brennan: She goes up into your room and she says,

1:22:33 Aelwyn: Read them?

1:22:33 Brennan: She says,

1:22:33 Aelwyn: Are these two library books, they're wildly overdue?

1:22:38 Brennan: And she holds up the two library books that you took out at the beginning of the school year from the library. They've just been like buried under dust that you never got around to reading.

1:22:42 Siobhan: Ah.

1:22:47 Brennan: Or did you read them? I don't think you did, I never described the books.

1:22:50 Siobhan: I don't think I've read them, yeah, no.

1:22:53 Brennan: Go ahead and make a roll for panic attack. (laughs)

1:22:59 Siobhan: 6, is that a 6 or a 9, they are next to each other and identical. Oh it's a 9.

1:23:04 Brennan: Oh okay. But it beats so it beats a 10?

1:23:06 Siobhan: No.

1:23:07 Brennan: Oh, okay, but do you add your Wisdom modifier to it?

1:23:09 Siobhan: Oh my Wisdom modifier, which is a Wisdom saving throw, so it's yes.

1:23:12 Brennan: Yes.

1:23:15 Siobhan: Yeah, no, 14.

1:23:15 Brennan: Cool, you manage to calm yourself, but yeah, these two wildly overdue books that you haven't read are there in your home.

1:23:23 Adaine: Oops.

1:23:24 Brennan: You see that she says,

1:23:25 Aelwyn: All right, I'm just gonna borrow these ones, thank you. (walking noises)

1:23:27 Adaine: No no no no no no no, borrow the ones that aren't library books.

1:23:30 Aelwyn: All right, here.

1:23:31 Brennan: She gives you the library books, takes some of your divination books, like your home textbooks and heads off. (mood music)

1:23:37 Brennan: Those books, which I assume Adaine cracks into as soon as possible, the two books are The Aeons of Solace. The information in that book as you sort of burn through it is that Solace was at one time a human monarchy whose royal family was connected through blood and marriage to the royal family of Highcourt, kind of explaining the relationship there. However, Solace was conquered some centuries ago by Kalvaxus, Emperor of the Red Waste, of whom the Nightmare King and the Lords of the Necronomikron were mere pawns, and Kalvaxus laid Solace to waste. However, Alexandria the 12th of the House of Tallerin, Queen of Solace and sole surviving member of the royal family, gathered her strongest allies and defeated Kalvaxus in combat. Solace was thus liberated and shortly thereafter the monarchy was disbanded and the first Council of Chosen was formed. The Elven Oracle, (rolling r’s) Eleminthindriel spoke with Alexandria after the defeat of Kalvaxus and was to return if there were ever to be trouble.

1:24:42 Zac: One more time. (everyone laughs)

1:24:46 Brennan: Yeah, Adaine seems a little confused by some of that.

1:24:51 Adaine: It's just some history isn't it, I--?

1:24:53 Brennan: Yeah, it's some history, yeah, Solace was thus liberated, so Alexandria defeated Kalvaxus, Solace was thus liberated, shortly after the defeat of Kalvaxus, the monarchy was disbanded and the First Council of Chosen was formed at the foundation of Solace.

1:25:08 Emily: Sorry, the monarchy was, Kalvaxus was the monarch or he was just—

1:25:12 Siobhan: No, Kalvaxus was the demon from the Forest of the Nightmare King that was worse than the Forest of the Nightmare King.

1:25:19 Brennan: Kalvaxus, Emperor of the Red Waste. It says that the monarchy was disbanded, so Alexandria was victorious and after her victory the monarchy was disbanded.

1:25:31 Siobhan: And she was a human right?

1:25:32 Brennan: She was a human.

1:25:33 Siobhan: It was a human.

1:25:34 Brennan: And you see that there's a painting in the book, like an illustration of the first Council of Chosen of Solace, which is Langstone Thistlefarthing, Morris Vans Zweiwild, Annabelle Troth, Liriel Celengrook, Calesir Rockboot, and you see behind the Elven Oracle, Elementhindriel, there's a slight attribution, you see that there is a young handsome-looking wizard, (adventurous music)

1:25:50 Brennan: and you see it says secretary and paramour to the Oracle, Arthur Aguefort.

1:26:01 Siobhan: (surprised) How old was Professor Aguefort?

1:26:06 Brennan: Well, you read Aguefort's biography right after that.

1:26:08 Siobhan: (excited) The spicy one?

1:26:09 Brennan: The really spicy one. It is hard to get through, it reddens your cheeks more than a couple times, you see that there's a bunch, it's honestly not a very helpful historical text. He doesn't put dates and he only uses first names for people, so it's like it's sort of like a memoir, it's like a spicy memoir more than anything. There's a bunch of weird jokes in it. He does a good interpretation of a lot of magic and you're excited, you get to the portion on divination, like what does Arthur Aguefort say about divination, you get there and you see one of the lines is,

1:26:44 Arthur Aguefort’s Memoir: “The strongest of all divination, of course is the art of prophecy. You know what I have to say about prophecy? Chuck them in the bin, ha ha ha,”

1:26:53 Brennan: --phonetically spelled out and then parentheses—

1:26:54 Arthur Aguefort’s Memoir: “(this is not a joke)”. (music stops)

1:26:58 Siobhan: You should chuck prophecies in the bin? Have we had a prophecy? There was that oracle that died in the boat. (sighs) Maybe in Aguefort's bin, there's something that we should look in?

1:27:15 Brennan: As Adaine grapples with that, we're gonna to cut over to downtown to Seacaster Manor. (pirate music)

1:27:18 Emily: (offscreen) Ooh!

1:27:21 Brennan: Fabian's getting ready for school, you're looking great, you get some nice cuts and bruises from the field, life is good, you're getting the Hangman ready and you see that your father Bill Seacaster comes out holding a giant sack of gold, he's got the pirate coat on. Mr. Hughes’ character card reads “Seedy Suit”.

1:27:36 Brennan: You see there's a thin, reedy-looking human man in a dark suit, sort of watery eyes and sort of pale blond hair, who walks out, handing the sack over to Bill Seacaster, you see Bill says,

1:27:50 Bill: Very well, Mr. Hughes, happy to do business with you. Ah, Fabian, my darling boy.

1:27:58 Fabian: Ah Papa, good morning, who's your guest?

1:28:01 Bill: (laughs) Mr. Hughes, this is my boy Fabian Aramais Seacaster, captain of the Aguefort Owlbears.

1:28:09 Fabian: Oh ho ho, Papa, but yes Mr. Hughes, I am captain. How do you do today?

1:28:13 Brennan: You see that Mr. Hughes says,

1:28:14 Mr. Hughes: Very good, pleasure to meet you young man, my name is Mr. Hughes.

1:28:20 Brennan: You see he says,

1:28:20 Mr. Hughes: Well, all being said and done, Captain Seacaster, young Mr. Seacaster, I'll be on my way.

1:28:27 Brennan: You see your dad looks at you and goes,

1:28:30 Bill: That's right, Captain Seacaster,

1:28:32 Brennan: you see he looks over at you, squints his eye, looks at the retreating business man and says,

1:28:38 Bill: Not Mr. Seacaster, Captain Seacaster as well. (cackling)

1:28:44 Fabian: Papa, what business were you doing this morning?

1:28:47 Bill: Hm?

1:28:48 Fabian: What business were you up to?

1:28:49 Bill: Oh, the gentleman Mr. Hughes was the representative of a bank down Bastion City way and he's contacted me for some work in my retirement.

1:28:55 Fabian: Oh fantastic. Oh, that sounds lovely.

1:28:56 Bill: Mm-hmm.

1:28:57 Fabian: That's a nice way to start the day.

1:28:59 Bill: Well, what can I say, retirement's getting a little bit dull (laughs), well off I am to dust up on the old skins, you have a wonderful day at school there young man.

1:29:11 Fabian: You show them, Papa.

1:29:13 Brennan: And he walks back into Seacaster Manor.

1:29:16 Lou: Ah great.

1:29:17 Brennan: A few days after that, Detective Gukgak comes over for dinner at the Abernant home. A couple hours before that happens, you (Adaine) see that Aelwyn is looking kind of a little bit like in her thing where she gets really prim and proper and very like respectful when she's under a lot of stress, so she goes like,

1:29:41 Aelwyn: Mummy, Daddy, I'm so sorry I have to skip dinner today, I'm out with a friend doing a little bit of studying these finals are coming up and I'm worried I won't get a perfect score, so I must away I'm afraid.

1:29:48 Brennan: You see that the—

1:29:55 Adaine: I've gotten perfect scores on all of my tests.

1:29:58 Aelwyn: What's that? Disemboweling a gremlin?

1:30:01 Siobhan: I cast (laughs) Ray of Sickness on her.

1:30:06 Brennan: You cast Ray of Sickness (liquid bubbling) she resists the spell.

1:30:11 Aelwyn: All right, quite enough thank you.

1:30:14 Brennan: The door opens and you see that Penelope Everpetal is at the door, you see that Aelwyn looks over and says,

1:30:21 Aelwyn: Penelope,

1:30:21 Brennan: and you see that Penelope says,

1:30:23 Penelope: (valley girl) Oh my God, your house is so cute,

1:30:26 Brennan: They kiss on each other's cheek, Aelwyn says,

1:30:28 Aelwyn: Ta ta.

1:30:30 Adaine: Why are you studying with somebody from my school? You hate my school?

1:30:33 Brennan: You see that Penelope looks over and says,

1:30:36 Penelope: Because I'm a great sorceress.

1:30:38 Adaine: Why are you studying with a sorceress, you're a wizard?

1:30:41 Brennan: You see that Aelwyn says,

1:30:44 Aelwyn: Maybe when you're a little older you'll learn. (snickers) Ta ta.

1:30:46 Brennan: and she--

1:30:48 Adaine: (loudly) I think she's sneaking out.

1:30:50 Brennan: You see that your mother says,

1:30:53 Arianwen: Aelwyn sneaking out? Never, she's a good girl.

1:30:58 Brennan: At that precise moment, the doorbell rings again and you see that Detective Gukgak walks into the home, accompanied by Gilear. (group laughing)

1:31:13 Brennan: You see the two of them walk in. You see that Gilear walks up to your father, he says,

1:31:18 Gilear: Uh, sir--

1:31:22 Siobhan: I'm like, this is not what I meant when I said bring an Elf.

1:31:26 Gilear: Mr. Abernant, my name is Gilear Faeth.

1:31:29 Brennan: You see that your father says,

1:31:30 Angwyn: (dismissively) Oh, a Wood Elf, very well, take a seat at the breakfast nook.

1:31:37 Brennan: Gilear says,

1:31:37 Gilear: Yes, I've come to accompany as sort of an Elven intermediary as Detective Gukgak’s questions concern some matters of culture. By the way, do you have any food here? I didn't manage to eat before I got here. (Emily and Brennan laugh)

1:31:55 Brennan: You see that Sklonda kind of looks up at him and says,

1:31:57 Sklonda: Yeah, we just had a couple questions. This is sort of a something I wanted to talk about as quick as possible, my case is actually probably going to be shut down by the end of the week, but we just have some sort of followup questions for you as this thing sort of moves over to the Council. (mysterious music)

1:32:20 Brennan: She proceeds to talk about Daybreak and some other different stuff, talks about the tea, palimpsests, Zayn Darkshadow, the association with DJ Brainzz was also like an accomplice in this whole thing. She talks about the fact that Coach Daybreak was found to be responsible for the attack on Biz Glitterdew and the murder of Zayn Darkshadow. She has a file, they recovered Zayn Darkshadow's body. They found it and did a whole thing with it and you hear her talking, you see that your father says,

1:32:54 Angwyn: Adaine, why don't you run along upstairs?

1:32:57 Siobhan: I cast Clairvoyance in a place that my parents cannot see it, because I assume that they can see the ethereal plane and listen in on the conversation upstairs. (magical tone)

1:33:12 Brennan: Rad, you actually regain your Ray of Sickness spell--

1:33:14 Siobhan: Great.

1:33:16 Brennan: With your new divination ability, you see that she says, (suspenseful music)

1:33:20 Sklonda: So the main thing we're trying to understand is, first of all, the conjuration of that corn monster shouldn't have been able to happen. There's a ward against that, there's a book in the restricted section of the library that is enchanted to prevent conjuration. “Watches and Wards” should have prevented that conjuration from occurring.

1:33:46 Brennan: He says,

1:33:46 Angwyn: Well, I certainly don't know anything about Aguefort's defensive capabilities. However, if what you're saying is true that there was an attack on the girl or an attempted attack on Kristen Applebees, that would have been an act of perditional contradoxy.

1:34:02 Brennan: You see that Detective Gukgak says,

1:34:05 Sklonda: Yeah, starting an apocalypse.

1:34:06 Brennan: You see he says,

1:34:06 Angwyn: Well, that's debatable whether it would have started an apocalypse. That's religious theory that may or may not be true. Gods like to claim that apocalypses are happening because it revs up interest in the faith. You tell people that something is always going to be available, there's not an urgency on it, so you have sort of eschatology for people to come and get excited about the world ending and the world is not going to end. Perditional contradoxy is an element of the treaty between Solace and Highcourt. When Solace came under the jurisdiction of the Council of the Chosen, much of the human clergy was left in Solace in what was a semi-theocratic state. Part of Highcourt not going to war with the fledgling nation was built into the treaty, which is that the soul of any chosen of the Sun God would never occur on Solasian soil. An act of perditional contradoxy would countermand that treaty and likely incite a war.

1:35:10 Brennan: You see that she says, (music becomes more emotional)

1:35:10 Sklonda: Huh, and do you know anything about the death of the Elven oracle?

1:35:16 Brennan: You see he says,

1:35:16 Angwyn: No, I can't say I do.

1:35:22 Brennan: He says,

1:35:22 Angwyn: I knew the Cerulean went down and she was aboard, a terrible tragedy.

1:35:28 Brennan: You see that she, you hear Detective Gukgak say,

1:35:33 Sklonda: (sighs) You know my husband was an operative at the state department when he was alive, and was assigned to that, so sorry you don't know anything more, thanks for your time.

1:35:48 Brennan: And you see that Detective Gukgak gets up and leaves.

1:35:54 Siobhan: Oh God, I get on (mimes typing) the weird religious messaging service.

1:36:01 Emily: Prayer Chain?

1:36:02 Ally: Prayerchain.com.

1:36:02 Siobhan: Prayer Chain, because I don't think my parents can be monitoring prayerchain.com, and I'm like

1:36:10 Adaine: “guys some shit just went down and I think I maybe remember the case that we were doing and we forgot about it, but it's still happening? There is stuff happening and I think that it's, oh my God, we need to meet up right now, let's go get ice cream.”

1:36:29 Brennan: The rest of you guys are actually elsewhere. You guys got an invitation from Ostentatia Wallace for a dope house party.

1:36:41 Lou: What?

1:36:42 Brennan: You guys got a—

1:36:43 Emily: Yeah!

1:36:43 Lou: Ostentatia? Ah ha hah!

1:36:44 Brennan: Ostentatia Wallace sent you guys a dope invite.

1:36:48 Siobhan: She invited everybody but me?

1:36:49 Zac: I got one?

1:36:50 Brennan: Gorgug got one as well.

1:36:52 Emily: Yeah, you're popular now. Um, when I got the invitation, I was like,

1:36:56 Fig: Yo, do you need anyone to play?

1:36:58 Brennan: You see she says,

1:36:59 Ostentatia: Oh, that'd be awesome, you could play if you want, you could like set up in the backyard and like play?"

1:37:03 Fig: Yeah, I'm definitely going to do that. (jazz music starts)

1:37:06 Brennan: You guys arrive at the house, it's 69420 Spell Jammer Lane in Clearbrook.

1:37:10 Lou: Spell Jammer.

1:37:14 Brennan: You guys see that—

1:37:16 Zac: 69420?

1:37:17 Brennan: Yes.

1:37:18 Zac: (laughing) Okay. (everyone laughs)

1:37:19 Brennan: You guys see, you guys see that—

1:37:23 Emily: Oh, it's too late, I was looking for a clue in that, not—

1:37:29 Brennan: Ha ha! You guys get there and you see it's a party that's being thrown by the Hudol kids, so the Hudol Hellions are throwing a party for the Aguefort Owlbears because they forfeited the season and it's the first time Hudol’s won.

1:37:45 Lou: Oh, okay.

1:37:47 Emily: Hudol’s where your sister goes, right?

1:37:49 Zac: Do we get a chance to chat?

1:37:50 Siobhan: I bet she's at that party.

1:37:51 Zac: Are we--?

1:37:52 Emily: Do we get a chat from Adaine?

1:37:52 Murph: Is Adaine there?

1:37:53 Brennan: Adaine's not there yet. You guys are at the party. You see the kid who's the host of the party comes up to you you see he goes,

1:38:01 Percival: (nasal, stuffy British) Hello, my name is Percival Nevelsvine. I'm the quarterback of the Hudol Hellions. Emily and Zac look faintly disgusted.

1:38:05 Emily: (shaking her head) No.

1:38:09 Zac: He's a quarterback?

1:38:10 Percival: Welcome to my house party.

1:38:12 Fabian: (jovially) Hello comrade, ha ha.

1:38:15 Percival: Very well, from one athlete to another, so sorry about the loss of your coach. (laughs)

1:38:22 Fabian: Yeah, well I killed him myself.

1:38:26 Percival: Well, bully for you! (Fabian laughs loudly)

1:38:29 Percival: There are some tables with (weird emphasis) beer pong set up in the backyard. There's a keg with libations and a pool which you may feel free to jump in. (laughing uncomfortably) Perhaps we will skinny dip later.

1:38:36 Fabian: Oh.

1:38:44 Emily: What?

1:38:45 Brennan: All weird-looking dudes, house party is all weird-looking dudes.

1:38:49 Fig: Maybe I won't do that.

1:38:50 Brennan: As you guys are there though you guys see that a woman walks into the party, first woman you guys have seen you have been here. She walks in. She's got like a peach shirt like tied up to show her midriff and denim shorts. It's like a beautiful, elven young woman with like long hair kind of braided. sSe opens the door, walks in, you see the guy, Percival says,

1:39:16 Percival: (excited) Ah, you're here!

1:39:18 Brennan: She grabs a bottle of liquor, smashes it over his head. (jazz music stops) (rock music starts)

1:39:23 Brennan: Cantrips the liquor into her mouth and goes,

1:39:26 Elf: (licks loudly) Mm, I came here to fuck!

1:39:29 Siobhan: (alarmed) Oh my God!

1:39:30 Fig: Oh my God, hell yeah!

1:39:31 Riz: Can I— Who are you, what are you—?

1:39:32 Elf: Party is getting started, (snaps fingers) bam!

1:39:35 Brennan: A bunch of fucking Aguefort cheerleaders (mimics a splash) appear, just like gorgeous women with like flowing hair and their eyes are like glowing, they just walk into the party, you see Percival with a bloody nose goes,

1:39:49 Percival: (clapping weakly) Wonderful, wonderful, the party is started. (music stops)

1:39:52 Ally: I am pinching my leg so hard, because that's what I do when I'm overwhelmed sexually. (everyone laughs)

1:40:00 Brennan: You see that she looks at you Riz and says,

1:40:05 Elf: (tucks hair behind her ear) You're a funny little man, have you ever played knifey fingers? (Lou laughing)

1:40:08 Gorgug: Do you— Um—

1:40:11 Riz: That sounds terrifying.

1:40:13 Elf: What, are you a little bitch?

1:40:15 Fabian: Oh, I love you. (everyone laughs)

1:40:17 Brennan: She walks right up to you (Fabian), grabs the back of your head and plants a kiss on your mouth.

1:40:22 Lou: I go wild, (punches a fist into his other hand) just as hard right back.

1:40:24 Emily: (clapping) Woo, yeah!

1:40:25 Brennan: Make an Insight check.

1:40:27 Zac: Yeah, I also want to make an Insight check. (rolls) I got a 16.

1:40:30 Brennan: This is the craziest person you've ever seen.

1:40:32 Murph: I got a 27.

1:40:34 Brennan: You see that she fully dips you, like takes you into like the dip position, pulls your shirt down, pulls a little baggie of dragon spice out, pours it on your chest and (snorts it) Woo!

1:40:49 Elf: All right, this is a Hudol party, so I'm going to set the rules. First of all, one person invisible at all times. If you manage to stab them, they have to drink. Let's do this! (Lou laughing)

1:41:00 Fig: You are—

1:41:00 Gorgug: (disbelieving) That's the only rule?

1:41:02 Fig: You aren't Adaine's sister are you?

1:41:04 Elf: Oh, you're one of Adaine's little friends?

1:41:07 Fabian: Wait, are you Adaine's sister?

1:41:08 Aelwyn: Aelwyn Abernant in the flesh.

1:41:10 Fabian: Oh! (laughing)

1:41:10 Kristen: You just kissed Adaine's sister?

1:41:13 Fabian: (hands in the air) Fuck yes!

1:41:14 Kristen: You can't do that to a friend.

1:41:15 Fabian: Oh, I’ll do it—

1:41:15 Brennan: We're going to cut back real quick to, (Lou points at Brennan, laughing)

1:41:21 Brennan: We're coming back to the Abernant home, you look and see Aelwyn's door open to her room that you're not allowed to go in.

1:41:29 Siobhan: I fucking sneak the shit in that room. (door creaking)

1:41:31 Brennan: You see in the center of her room, go ahead and make a Detect Magic or make an Arcana check.

1:41:43 Siobhan: Guh, 11? (suspenseful music)

1:41:44 Brennan: You snoop around, tossing and turning stuff over each other, you see a spell open of enchantment spells to a spell called Modify Memory. You also see a small thing in her closet, buried in the back of her closet. There is a small model of a ship, a little wooden ship called The Harpy and you see that around it are runes covered all the way around this little thing that are evocation storm runes.

1:42:19 Siobhan: The Harpy?

1:42:19 Emily: The Harpy, didn't someone die—

1:42:20 Siobhan: Wasn't that the ship that the Oracle went down in?

1:42:25 Emily: Yeah.

1:42:26 Brennan: The ship the Oracle went down in was called the Cerulean.

1:42:28 Siobhan: This is a different ship? ...That little fucking bitch, I knew she was bad. (music stops)

1:42:36 Brennan: (laughing) You start to get texts (notification dings) from people you knew at Hudol showing your sister making out with Fabian.

1:42:47 Siobhan: Oh my God, I'm gonna fucking kill everybody.

1:42:51 Ally: Everybody!? (hiding their face)

1:42:51 Murph: I feel like I would definitely text Adaine to come to this party, because Riz is no longer having fun at high school since that dream.

1:42:57 Siobhan: I run downstairs, I show them the picture of my fucking sister at a party and then I run after them.

1:43:06 Angwyn: Well, that could have been doctored.

1:43:10 Siobhan: I hate my parents.

1:43:11 Brennan: You rush away. You get to the party, it is fucking going off. Like cheerleaders are everywhere.

1:43:17 Emily: Am I playing my bass?

1:43:18 Brennan: You're playing your bass in the backyard. (bass music)

1:43:19 Zac: Can I ask for my, the one tool or proficiency to be playing a basic drum beat? (adds drums)

1:43:24 Brennan: Yes, absolutely, cool.

1:43:27 Emily: Yeah, we are the band, bitch.

1:43:28 Brennan: So you've joined into the band (mimics a beat) you're there doing your thing. You see Kristen, one of the cheerleaders comes up to you at this party and she goes,

1:43:40 Cheerleader: (valley girl) Hi, I'm Fiona.

1:43:45 Kristen: So?

1:43:47 Cheerleader: (laughs) What?

1:43:48 Kristen: What?

1:43:49 Cheerleader: What?

1:43:50 Kristen: I'm sorry, I'm wasted right now. What did you say?

1:43:55 Cheerleader: You're cute.

1:43:56 Kristen: (gay concern) Stop it.

1:43:58 Cheerleader: Hi, I'm Fiona.

1:43:59 Kristen: Hi, I'm Kristen.

1:44:02 Cheerleader: Tell me more about that.

1:44:03 Kristen: I am, (vocalizes nervously) oh my gosh, hey!

1:44:10 Ally: And I pretend to wave to someone behind her.

1:44:12 Brennan: Another cheerleader sees you waving comes over, and says,

1:44:13 Cheerleader: Hi, I'm River.

1:44:16 Kristen: Hi River, okay. What's crazy, you guys crazy party, you guys look bored.

1:44:24 Cheerleader: What?

1:44:25 Ally: I'm just going in the opposite direction.

1:44:29 Cheerleader: Tell me more about that. (suspenseful music)

1:44:30 Kristen: Okay, hey, do you guys wanna do (scared) body shots?

1:44:38 Cheerleader: Stop, tell me more about that.

1:44:42 Emily: Are they robots?

1:44:43 Kristen: Wait, you just said that.

1:44:45 Cheerleader: Awww.

1:44:48 Emily: (offscreen) They're fucking fake.

1:44:49 Kristen: Do you want to make out?

1:44:51 Cheerleader: You're cute.

1:44:52 Brennan: She goes straight to making out with you, and the party, you see all these weird sort of nerdy, these like wizard athletes and these giant Aguefort cheerleaders walking around. Everybody make a Perception check.

1:45:07 Siobhan: Am I there yet?

1:45:08 Emily: I don't need a Perception check to say--

1:45:09 Brennan: You bust in the door.

1:45:10 Emily: These people are--

1:45:11 Lou: 15.

1:45:12 Ally: 22.

1:45:12 Murph: 15.

1:45:14 Ally: 21.

1:45:15 Zac: Just a 9.

1:45:15 Siobhan: 12.

1:45:16 Brennan: Buh buh buh--

1:45:16 Zac: I'm concentrating on my beat, I'm not--

1:45:19 Lou: I really just want to try and make out with the woman some more.

1:45:24 Brennan: You see that Aelwyn looks over at you and says,

1:45:26 Aelwyn: All right, necromancy, I'm going to put a death spell in this bottle, all right? And then we're going to spin the bottle and whoever it points at it has to take it, how does that sound?

1:45:36 Lou: I reach out and spin the bottle.

1:45:38 Zac: No!!

1:45:39 Murph: I'm just furiously tugging at Fabian trying to be like,

1:45:39 Riz: Dude, don't—

1:45:42 Lou: I just look her dead in the eye just like eyefucking the shit out of her.

1:45:46 Brennan: She goes like,

1:45:46 Aelwyn: You're a nasty little fucking freak.

1:45:48 Fabian: (suggestively) Mm hm hm.

1:45:51 Murph: I'm going to try to find a similar bottle and Sleight of Hand and switch them.

1:45:54 Brennan: Make a Sleight of Hand check.

1:45:55 Murph: Okay, I pretend to like fall over while I'm grabbing Fabian and switch them. Sleight of Hand, only an 11.

1:46:03 Brennan: The bottle fucking smashes on the ground and a skull made of ash and smoke goes, (ominous whoshing) (death rattle) and flies out the window and she goes,

1:46:11 Aelwyn: (gasp) Party foul, you're a little--

1:46:15 Murph: Hide, hide. (everyone laughs) A 16.

1:46:19 Aelwyn: Where's that little goblin bitch, party foul?

1:46:22 Fabian: Wait, I'll find him.

1:46:24 Brennan: She says,

1:46:24 Aelwyn: You're that pirate's son, aren't you?

1:46:27 Fabian: Yes I am.

1:46:28 Aelwyn: You're going to get keelhauled tonight, how do you feel about that?

1:46:29 Fabian: Oh, I can't wait.

1:46:31 Brennan: You see she says,

1:46:31 Aelwyn: Give me one second to go (sniffs) powder my nose again. God, I love just fucking letting loose. (screams)

1:46:39 Brennan: You see that she just walks out of here.

1:46:41 Murph: I'm just furiously texting Adaine.

1:46:43 Brennan: Adaine, you burst in through the door. (wood snaps)

1:46:45 Adaine: Where the fuck is she?

1:46:47 Brennan: Make a Perception check again, just you two.

1:46:52 Siobhan: Oh, I am gonna use my 19.

1:46:53 Murph: 15.

1:46:54 Brennan: Use your 19?

1:46:54 Siobhan: Yeah.

1:46:55 Brennan: You see a residual of your sister going up the staircase, of like magic going up the staircase.

1:47:02 Siobhan: I cast Dispel Magic on her.

1:47:04 Brennan: Oh, you don't see her right now.

1:47:06 Siobhan: Oh, I don't see her. Great, then I fucking run up after her.

1:47:08 Brennan: (to Murph) Are you following?

1:47:09 Murph: Yeah. (suspenseful music)

1:47:10 Brennan: You guys run up, you get to this door. The door is locked as you get there, but you hear the noise of her talking to Ostentatia on the other side.

1:47:19 Siobhan: Okay, well let's listen.

1:47:20 Murph: Shall we listen in, yeah?

1:47:21 Brennan: You hear,

1:47:21 Aelwyn: Listen, it's just a little bit of divinatory magic. Don't be a square, Ostentatia.

1:47:28 Brennan: Then she goes,

1:47:28 Ostentatia: Okay, I just don't know this Hudol stuff super well and I don't know, can you just take my word for it?

1:47:35 Aelwyn: I would love to be able to take your word for it, but we just want to make sure.

1:47:39 Brennan: (mimics magic buzzing). Make an Arcana check.

1:47:43 Siobhan: Shit, 12.

1:47:45 Brennan: A spell you don't recognize, a unique spell, something crafted by your sister--

1:47:46 Siobhan: Uh huh.

1:47:47 Brennan: Is cast. You hear her say,

1:47:50 Aelwyn: Oh goody, you were telling the truth! Goodbye, Ostentatia.

1:47:56 Siobhan: I break down the door.

1:47:56 Murph: I break it down, bust in the door—

1:47:57 Siobhan: I use Freeze to freeze the door lock open, and—

1:48:00 Brennan: You use your basic Frost. Go ahead and make a Dexterity check to get through the door.

1:48:03 Murph: Okay. Just Dexterity?

1:48:06 Brennan: Yeah.

1:48:09 Murph: Okay, 19.

1:48:10 Brennan: Boom, click, you click the door open, you rush in you see Aelwyn holding a crystal palimpsest in her hand.

1:48:18 Adaine: You fucking cunt.

1:48:19 Riz: You fucking cunt. (laughs)

1:48:21 Brennan: (magical whooshing) Ostentatia is sucked into the palimpsest, she looks, whips to see you.

1:48:25 Siobhan: I punch her in the face.

1:48:27 Brennan: I'm gonna need everybody to roll initiative.

1:48:29 Lou: Yeah.

1:48:31 Ally: Hell yeah.

1:48:32 Murph: Oh, 23.

1:48:32 Siobhan: Oh shit.

1:48:33 Brennan: That's all for this week on Fantasy High, tune in next week as it's sister versus sister, let's get it on.

1:48:40 Siobhan: (raising her fists over her head) I'm gonna kill my sister! (Brennan claps) [NEXT EPISODE - Episode 12: The Sisterly Showdown] [NEXT TIME ON FANTASY HIGH]

1:48:44 Adaine: I'm gonna tell on you so bad you're gonna be grounded forever.

1:48:46 Aelwyn: Not if I kill you and your friends first.

1:48:49 Ally: I'll run into the pool to get on un-on fire.

1:48:52 Lou: I'm going to drive the Hangman straight down that central hallway. (engine revving) (object crashes)

1:48:58 Brennan: (screams) Bam! Bam, smash into the beer pong table.

1:49:00 Unknown: House party, dude.

1:49:02 Murph: He might get permanently killed.

1:49:04 Brennan: Riz, bam, hits the middle of the deck.

1:49:07 Adaine: Yes, I'm fucking insane! You make me fucking insane!

1:49:07 Captions extracted by: gluegunshots

1:49:07 Edited by: gluegunshots, tevildo, rowan solsys