Battle of the Bloodrush Brethren (Ep. 10)

0:00:00 Riz: What do we know about Johnny Spells?

0:00:01 Gorthalax: Some job went south. He was sticking up a bank and he got into the Harvestmen.

0:00:08 Kristen: Oh the Harvestmen? I even went to the Harvest Festival, growing up.

0:00:11 Gorthalax: They're a hardcore cult.

0:00:13 Kristen: What?

0:00:14 Gorthalax: Harvestmen want the apocalypse. So what they were trying to do was to create a hellmouth. Portal to Hell that would be something that had to do with a religious iconography or had some kind of connection to the lower plane.

0:00:25 Donna Applebees: Oh, God, thank God you're here, Kristen. Somebody attacked the church!

0:00:29 Brennan: The door to the rectory is missing.

0:00:31 Adaine: I think somebody softened the stone around it and then pulled the doorway away.

0:00:34 Riz: I think that doorway might be the thing that somebody would need to go through to make the apocalypse happen.

0:00:38 Gorgug: (crosstalk) It’s the thing for the portal.

0:00:42 Fabian: All right, back to school.

0:00:43 Emily: I wanna disguise myself as a Harvestman.

0:00:45 Brennan: You guys hear a colossal shrieking noise and the breaking of stone on the Bloodrush field.

0:00:52 Siobhan: Well run!

0:00:53 Murph: We run towards it.

0:00:54 Brennan: Coach Daybreak turns, smiles.

0:00:56 Daybreak: Let's play ball! [END RECAP] (marching band music)

0:01:06 All: Hoot, growl, hoot, growl, hoot, growl, hoot, growl.

0:01:10 Brennan: Hi guys and welcome back to Fantasy High. My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan. These are our intrepid heroes. Say hi, intrepid heroes.

0:01:15 All: Hi, intrepid heroes!

0:01:17 Brennan: They keep doing it and it's (unconvincingly) funny every time. (group laughs)

0:01:22 Brennan: Guys, last we left off, our heroes rushed the Bloodrush field to see Coach Daybreak and his team of (growling) skeletal Owlbears. The battle begins as the arch from the Church of Sol glimmers with kinetic, magic potential. Not fully opened yet.

0:01:41 Fig: Hey Kristen, when this was in your church were all those skulls there?

0:01:44 Fabian: Yeah did you have all those skulls?

0:01:46 Adaine: Yeah, what's up with these skulls?

0:01:48 Kristen: There were just a few skulls, but they were more to remember what not to be.

0:01:52 Fabian: Okay, uh huh.

0:01:53 Adaine: That's a red flag.

0:01:55 Brennan: Now, all of you guys. Twilight fades, the sun sets in the West. (chains rattle) Skeletons charge forward as Coach Daybreak blows on his whistle. (whistle blows) Fabian, you are first to act.

0:02:10 Lou: All right, can I first call to the Hangman? Or however we communicate?

0:02:17 Brennan: By all means you may. What do you say to the Hangman?

0:02:20 Fabian: Hangman, to the Bloodrush field, post haste. (motorcycle revs engine)

0:02:25 Hangman: (deep growling) Master, I come with all the swiftness of Hell.

0:02:27 Fabian: Oh, fantastic.

0:02:33 Brennan: (rolling die) You see that the Hangman responds to you and says,

0:02:35 Hangman: Right now, I am back waiting for you at the home of Kristen Applebees. I will rush there as soon as I can. But it’s sunset, so it's rush hour so add 10 minutes on there to—

0:02:47 Fabian: Just make sure, on the yellows, just push through.

0:02:50 Hangman: I'll push through on the yellows, Master.

0:02:54 Fabian: Fantastic.

0:02:54 Lou: And with that, I think I'll, so I see you mentioned that there's a chest on the field?

0:03:05 Brennan: Yes, you see, actually, go ahead and make a Perception check.

0:03:12 Lou: Oh wow, a 15.

0:03:16 Brennan: Looking forward, you see not a ball but a sort of smoking purple orb (sizzling noise) in the hand of one of the skeletons, that is kind of cocking a hand back with this orb, basically.

0:03:32 Lou: Like he's going to throw it?

0:03:33 Brennan: Like he's going to throw it.

0:03:34 Lou: Fantastic. I'll take a dash action and move further to this side of the field. As far forward into this side of the field as I can.

0:03:45 Brennan: Go ahead and grab Fabian there and move him diagonally one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Zac moves Fabian’s mini across the map. He has trouble reaching the last square.

0:03:54 Brennan: You have three squares of movement left if you like.

0:03:58 Lou: Yeah, I'll go over there.

0:04:02 Brennan: 12, you guys see Fabian fucking dart, onto the field, (fast footsteps) whoosh, just tearing across the field. That is going to be Daybreak. (counting a significant amount of movement under his breath) (Lou laughs)

0:04:21 Brennan: (laughs) Yeah, you see Coach Daybreak darting through the skeletons, blowing his whistle. (whistle blows) And Coach Daybreak Action Surges and is going to take some swings.

0:04:38 Lou: That's fine.

0:04:40 Brennan: (rolling dice) Ah, okay, oof.

0:04:47 Murph: Oof is always good.

0:04:48 Lou: Love an oof.

0:04:49 Emily: Yeah, hearing like a ton of dice.

0:04:51 Lou: Yeah, ton.

0:04:55 Murph: (pointing to Fabian) You might need to play some defense here.

0:04:57 Brennan: Coach Daybreak slashes you with his spear for 18 points of damage. (group ooohs in surprise)

0:05:03 Daybreak: Whoa! Shouldn't’ve come back to the field kid, you got no heart.

0:05:07 Fabian: Is that the best you've got?

0:05:08 Emily: (approvingly) Yeah!

0:05:08 Brennan: (laughs) That's gonna be Adaine.

0:05:12 Siobhan: I'm gonna move to here. I'm gonna cast Fly on my boy Gorgug right here. Gorgug raises and flails his arms. Emily and Brennan laugh at Zac’s acting.

0:05:23 Siobhan: And then I'm gonna move forward the rest of my movement.

0:05:27 Emily: Does Gorgug know that you did that to him?

0:05:28 Siobhan: Yes. (Ally laughing)

0:05:30 Gorgug: What are you doing? What's happening?

0:05:33 Adaine: You can fly now!

0:05:35 Gorgug: What?

0:05:36 Adaine: Good luck!

0:05:39 Gorgug: Aaaahh!

0:05:42 Brennan: (counting movement for skeletons) One, two, three, four five, six, seven, eight.

0:05:44 Siobhan: Oh shit!

0:05:46 Brennan: (moving several skeletons) Nine, ten, 11, 12. Whooo, just rushing. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, Bum, bum, bum.

0:05:59 Murph: Holy shit, what the fuck?

0:06:04 Brennan: You guys see these skeletons rush the field. (chains rattle)

0:06:09 Skeleton: (in time with their running) Hoot, growl, hoot, growl, hoot, growl!

0:06:13 Murph: Who has the ball? Guy in the back?

0:06:14 Siobhan: People have died doing this--

0:06:15 Brennan: Guy in the back.

0:06:16 Murph: Okay.

0:06:18 Brennan: That is going to be Riz.

0:06:19 Murph: Okay, I would like to (taps fingers on chin) use my Investigate skill, my Inquisitive Archetype to see where the quarterback is eyeing to throw the ball.

0:06:34 Brennan: Okay.

0:06:35 Murph: Let's see who he's eyeing. That's gonna be a 23.

0:06:42 Brennan: 23, you see that this, not that the quarterback has any eyes to speak of, but his empty, hollow, sockets seem to be pointed in the direction of this receiver, rushing past Fabian.

0:06:57 Murph: Okay. All right, I am just going to stand in front of here and ready an action to shoot somebody or grab the ball if it comes near, like kind of play goalie.

0:07:08 Brennan: You're going to ready an action to do what, specifically, when what happens?

0:07:12 Murph: If somebody throws the ball at it I'm gonna try to catch it or block it.

0:07:16 Brennan: Okay, you're gonna try to catch the ball if, gotcha, cool.

0:07:20 Murph: Or swat it out of somebody's hand. I'm gonna play goalie.

0:07:22 Brennan: Ah, rad, Fig that's you.

0:07:25 Emily: Okay, so I am currently disguised as a Harvestman?

0:07:30 Brennan: That’s correct.

0:07:31 Emily: Does it seem like they're buying it?

0:07:37 Brennan: The amount of chaos on the field in front of you makes it seem like a social interaction at this point and time, may not have a high likelihood of success.

0:07:48 Emily: Okay, then I would like to run—

0:07:52 Murph: I relayed that information to everybody that he's looking at this guy.

0:07:55 Emily: Yeah, yeah.

0:07:56 Murph: In Elvish.

0:07:57 Gorgug: What happened?

0:07:58 Murph: And then I whispered it to Gorgug.

0:08:02 Emily: Okay, I would like to, I am a Harvestman. So I'm gonna run over here and I'm gonna shout to Daybreak,

0:08:14 Fig: Hey, I'm here to help you clean up this mess. (laughs)

0:08:22 Brennan: Fig, go ahead and make me a Deception roll with disadvantage if you'd be so kind. (group laughs)

0:08:32 Emily: I got a 24. Brennan looks down at the table, laughing.

0:08:35 Zac: Really? Your worst roll.

0:08:36 Emily: Yeah, I got a 14 and then a 13 and I have 11 Deception.

0:08:40 Brennan: You see Daybreak goes,

0:08:40 Daybreak: Hell yeah, brother, get in here, help out.

0:08:45 Emily: (cackling) And then I'm going to cast Suggestion on him because that's the closest. And say,

0:08:51 Fig: Give me the ball. Pass me the ball.

0:08:55 Emily: That's a Wisdom saving throw.

0:08:56 Brennan: What's the DC on that?

0:08:59 Emily: 16. (chiming music)

0:09:04 Brennan: The skeleton goes,

0:09:04 Skeleton: Arrrgh!

0:09:07 Brennan: (bones rattling) And starts rushing right towards you.

0:09:11 Emily: Hmmm, and then I'm gonna wink at, I'm gonna wink at old Riz (ding) and give him some Bardic Inspiration.

0:09:19 Murph: (thumbs up) All right.

0:09:19 Brennan: That's gonna be Kristen.

0:09:20 Ally: I'm gonna cast Bless on you three. (Adaine, Riz, and Gorgug)

0:09:23 Murph: Oh sweet.

0:09:23 Zac: Cool.

0:09:25 Siobhan: Great.

0:09:26 Ally: And then, what was that other thing I had?

0:09:29 Murph: Gotta remember that I'm Blessed.

0:09:31 Siobhan: (mimes praying) #Blessed.

0:09:33 Ally: Oh yeah, I'm gonna move out like as far as I can get towards the middle.

0:09:39 Brennan: One, two, three, four, five, six, is where?

0:09:42 Murph: Yeah, you have high AC. So it'd probably be good if we have to play a ball game, a little bit. It seems like high armor class would be good to have in the back near the (air quotes) goal. The apocalypse goal, as it were.

0:09:54 Brennan: Gorgug, it's gonna be you baby.

0:09:56 Zac: So I am flying, which means I get more movement?

0:10:03 Siobhan: Yeah, you get 60 more movement.

0:10:05 Brennan: Or 60 movement, total.

0:10:07 Siobhan: And you can go up and down as well as—

0:10:09 Murph: Sack ‘em, baby. Sack ‘em.

0:10:09 Siobhan: —as forward.

0:10:10 Emily: (impressed) Duuuude.

0:10:11 Murph: Dude. Fucking leap over the line, man.

0:10:15 Zac: I don't think I can get all the way there though? With 60?

0:10:20 Brennan: Well it's 60 movement which means you can take a dash and a regular movement and do 120.

0:10:25 Zac: I still couldn't attack at the end, right?

0:10:27 Emily: Dude, no, no, jump on top. Can he get there and jump on top of the ball?

0:10:33 Brennan: You're taking your action to move. So, no.

0:10:37 Siobhan: But at least you'd be there.

0:10:40 Zac: I wanna run to the guy I think he's gonna throw it to, first. Because I don't think, in any case it'd get there in two turns no matter what, if I get there.

0:10:50 Emily: If you can get there in one turn you can ready an action.

0:10:54 Zac: I can't, if I use my action, right?

0:10:56 Brennan: Yes, you have 60 feet of movement. Where do you wanna move?

0:10:58 Zac: I wanna move to, okay, so one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11. So, I have 60 feet of movement? Can I move 11 squares?

0:11:07 Siobhan: Yes.

0:11:07 Brennan: Yeah, for sure.

0:11:09 Zac: I'm gonna go here. And I'm gonna go into a rage. How about I just smack this guy?

0:11:14 Emily: A flying rage? (Ally laughs) Emily, Zac, and Siobhan all act out different versions of ‘flying rage’, screaming loudly.

0:11:18 Ally: It's like, so anime.

0:11:20 Brennan: Could you make an Acrobatics check for me if you would be so kind?

0:11:22 Zac: Oh yeah, yes, with Bless?

0:11:23 Brennan: With Bless, yeah.

0:11:26 Zac: I got a 23, 23.

0:11:31 Brennan: With a 23, how does Gorgug fly, when he flies?

0:11:35 Zac: I think he's like, kind of like, (laughs) just like headfirst, like arrrrgh!

0:11:43 Murph: Goku style?

0:11:43 Zac: Yes.

0:11:44 Ally: (offscreen) Yeah.

0:11:45 Brennan: You're like three feet above the ground just screaming like a comet.

0:11:48 Ally: Three feet above the ground, so lateral. Like a Roomba.

0:11:54 Gorgug: Ahhhhh!

0:11:56 Brennan: Gorgug, you run and just fucking scream. And you're holding your action? Or you're gonna attack?

0:12:02 Zac: I was gonna attack.

0:12:03 Brennan: Go for it.

0:12:06 Zac: First one is 15. Does that hit?

0:12:12 Brennan: A 15 does hit, yes.

0:12:15 Zac: Okay, cool. So I hit him for, yes, 18.

0:12:24 Brennan: Arghhh, (bones clattering) bones all in the fucking air. Gone baby, just dust.

0:12:31 Emily: That was too easy. They're gonna start coming out of that chest. More skeletons.

0:12:35 Siobhan: (pointing to the portal) Or outta here.

0:12:38 Brennan: As soon as you hit that one, as soon as the quarterback sees their intended target obliterated, goes,

0:12:44 Skeleton Quarterback: Huuuah?

0:12:48 Brennan: Switches at the last second. Their throw has disadvantage as a result of having to switch at the last second. And is going to throw to another receiver. Okay, quarterback throws this receiver over here, bam, gets the ball. Daybreak goes,

0:13:09 Daybreak: Good pass. Good hustle on the field!

0:13:13 Emily: I pretend like,

0:13:13 Fig: Yeah, we're winning, right Daybreak?

0:13:19 Brennan: (laughs) Fabian, your turn.

0:13:22 Lou: So the ball has been passed. So it's on the other side of the field now? Yes it is.

0:13:28 Brennan: Yes, ball's on the other side of the field.

0:13:29 Lou: You know, I'll stay engaged in combat with the man who would not let me on the team. So yeah, I'll attack Coach Dawnstar.

0:13:42 Brennan: Daybreak, it's good, it's all good.

0:13:45 Lou: Hey if I were on the team I would know.

0:13:51 Brennan: Hits. And you have your extra attack ability as well.

0:13:55 Lou: I do, so should I roll that right now?

0:13:57 Brennan: Yeah, if you're gonna attack him again go for it.

0:14:00 Lou: And that's 13.

0:14:02 Brennan: 13 misses.

0:14:02 Lou: Okay. (rolls again) A... 13.

0:14:08 Brennan: (sword shing) Your rapier flicks out and (clothes ripping) slashes through his sweatshirt. He leans out of the way and just a tiny snick across the arm.

0:14:18 Daybreak: Ah, don't see the moves from tryouts today.

0:14:21 Brennan: That's now going to be Daybreak, who's gonna come back at 'cha. Daybreak's gonna hit you for 12 points of damage. Huuuah! (sword shing) Slicing you again. That is going to be Adaine.

0:14:42 Siobhan: I would like to cast Web. (indicating the spell’s area of effect) One, two, three, four, by one, two, three, four. So basically, these four guys here on the left.

0:14:54 Brennan: Those four right there, hell yeah. (suspenseful music)

0:14:55 Siobhan: And my saving throws, it's a Dex saving throw. And it's 15. Is my spell saving DC.

0:15:03 Brennan: DC is 15, okay. (rolls die) Okay, big hulking bruiser. (rolls again) And the one with the ball. (rolls again) Cool, the thinner, smaller skeletons leap through the web. As it runs the bruiser is stuck in place.

0:15:28 Siobhan: And what does having a bonus action mean? Does that just mean because I have, I haven't moved, I get to do, or is that the thing the other people have?

0:15:38 Brennan: Bonus action only applies if you have an ability that allows you to use a bonus action, basically.

0:15:42 Siobhan: Oh, okay. Which I don't think I have any of, right?

0:15:44 Brennan: No, I do not believe you do.

0:15:46 Siobhan: Okay, I was just confused that other people got that. "I don't think I have any of those."

0:15:50 Brennan: (laughing) Cool, the skeletons go, so these two are gonna come for Gorgug.

0:16:00 Zac: (whispering) Bring it on.

0:16:02 Brennan: This one goes for Fig.

0:16:04 Emily: But I look like a Harvestman?

0:16:07 Brennan: Oh, you do look like a Harvestman. Doesn't go for you. (Emily cackles)

0:16:11 Brennan: Goes for Kristen.

0:16:12 Emily: You have way higher AC than me. I don’t feel bad.

0:16:15 Brennan: Adaine, this one comes for Adaine as well.

0:16:17 Siobhan: Oh, shit.

0:16:19 Brennan: This guy sprints for the door. Riz, you have your readied action, at this point.

0:16:22 Murph: Okay.

0:16:25 Emily: With a Bless, don't forget!

0:16:27 Murph: I'm going to—

0:16:28 Ally: And Bardic Inspiration if you need it.

0:16:29 Zac: Yeah.

0:16:31 Murph: I'm gonna try to--

0:16:32 Emily: Oh yeah, I gave you Bardic Inspiration last time I went.

0:16:33 Siobhan: Wait, you don't even need to because I'm gonna give you my Nat 20 on my Divination roll that I got this morning.

0:16:38 Murph: (rears back, impressed) Cool, I'm gonna try to blast the ball out of his hand.

0:16:41 Brennan: So you wanna blast the ball out of his hand? With a Nat 20 (voice breaking) anything is possible. (suspenseful music ramps up to exciting)

0:16:47 Brennan: So you see, this skeleton with the orb under its hand goes,

0:16:52 Orb Skeleton: Argh!

0:16:54 Brennan: You see that the door (ominous chiming) starts to glimmer and shine red with dark shadows. As the door and portal's about to open you, boom! (gunshot) Ball perfectly up in the air. You snag it as this skeleton dives at what he thought was gonna be a portal but instead becomes nothing. Slams his head into the back of fucking nothing. You have the ball. (music stops)

0:17:19 Murph: Jesus Christ.

0:17:19 Zac: (excited) The Ball has the ball!

0:17:21 All: The Ball has the ball! The Ball has the ball!

0:17:24 Fig: The ball has to go back in the chest people. That's what needs to happen.

0:17:28 Ally: In Elvish.

0:17:29 Emily: Yeah, I say that in Elvish.

0:17:31 Kristen: Gorgug, what she said was—

0:17:33 Brennan: (laughs) Insane! Now they're gonna make some grapple checks.

0:17:38 Siobhan: Aw shit.

0:17:39 Brennan: Adaine, I'm gonna need you to make some opposed Athletics checks.

0:17:42 Siobhan: I love it. I'm so good at Athletics. Minus 2.

0:17:45 Brennan: Do you beat a 13? Let me know.

0:17:48 Siobhan: 8, 10, no, I got an 8.

0:17:52 Brennan: Another skeleton takes a swing at you,

0:17:53 Siobhan: Oh shit.

0:17:55 Brennan: For 8 points of damage.

0:17:56 Siobhan: Oh, God.

0:17:58 Brennan: With a sword, you are also grappled. One of them (thumping noise) has like, tackled you to the ground. Kristen, I'm gonna need you to make an opposed Athletics check.

0:18:07 Ally: Alright. (rolls die) Ah, Athletics, 17.

0:18:13 Brennan: One of these guys leaps at you and you crack him across the head with your staff down to the ground.

0:18:17 Ally: Fuck yeah. So he's on the ground now?

0:18:19 Brennan: Yeah, he flopped down, trying to get you. Other guys, tied up in webs. Gorgug, I'm gonna need you to make these, you make these with advantage as you're raging.

0:18:26 Zac: Okay.

0:18:27 Brennan: And I believe you have Bless.

0:18:29 Zac: Yes.

0:18:29 Brennan: Let me know if you beat a 7. (laughs) Doesn't seem like it'll be too hard.

0:18:34 Zac: I got one Nat 1. But I had a 10, outside of that. And then plus--

0:18:37 Siobhan: Athletics, 17.

0:18:39 Zac: And plus Athletics, 17.

0:18:40 Brennan: Go ahead and make another roll with advantage.

0:18:44 Zac: A Nat 20, and a 17, and 2. Yeah Nat 20.

0:18:48 Brennan: Both of these guys leap at you and boom, boom! They're fucking on the deck.

0:18:52 Gorgug: Hiahh! (group laughs)

0:18:55 Brennan: Incredible, now it is going to be Riz's turn.

0:18:58 Murph: Full dash action to Gorgug and I hop on his back. (group laughs)

0:19:05 Brennan: Get us to the goal baby!

0:19:07 Riz: I know how this game works.

0:19:10 Murph: Riz definitely doesn't know anything about sports. (Siobhan laughs)

0:19:14 Brennan: Incredible, Fig that's you.

0:19:18 Emily: Okay. I'm going to move over here. And I'm going to look, actually I'd like to move here. And I'm gonna project a Cone of Fear on these four guys.

0:19:32 Brennan: Ooooh, rad, okay. And what is the DC on that?

0:19:38 Emily: The DC will be 16 Wisdom saving throw.

0:19:41 Brennan: 16 Wisdom saving throw.

0:19:42 Ally: What does it do?

0:19:43 Emily: I project a phantasmal image of their worst fears.

0:19:47 Murph: Whoa!

0:19:47 Ally: (impressed) Jesus Christ.

0:19:49 Emily: And then if they don't succeed then they become frightened. They have to drop whatever they're holding and try to run away.

0:19:52 Murph: Sweet.

0:19:56 Brennan: You hit a (bass noise) "wha, wha, wha, wha," on your guitar and a cone of just sound and pure rock—

0:20:05 Emily: I'm using my ruby guitar pick. (Emily laughs)

0:20:10 Brennan: "Rwoooowww!" The three skeletons that are tackling Adaine and Kristen, all look and you see, made of pure, sonic vibration, "Whoo, whoo, whoo," (loud chiming) a giant bulldog appears. (dog barks) (Brennan snarls and growls)

0:20:27 Brennan: They all go (gasps and clatters). (group laughs)

0:20:34 Brennan: And try to start running away. That's going to be Kristen.

0:20:40 Ally: That's awesome. Let's see, wait, so this Harvestman just showed up with a bass guitar? (laughs) They didn't think anything of it.

0:20:52 Murph: They probably have figured it out by now. But she did get that one pass, which makes it worth it.

0:20:57 Emily: I still shout back to Daybreak and I say,

0:20:59 Fig: We're on the same team!

0:21:02 Ally: I'm just gonna use my turn to Bless the other three of us.

0:21:07 Brennan: Actually, one thing about Bless is I think it might be a concentration spell? I think we might have gotten this wrong last time. So I think you can actually only Bless, yeah, the three people that you Blessed.

0:21:19 Ally: Oh, okay, cool, dang. Then I am going to--

0:21:23 Murph: You have undead stuff, right?

0:21:25 Ally: Yeah—

0:21:25 Emily: Well these guys are already turned away though.

0:21:28 Ally: Yeah, so I have a 30 foot radius for this. So I'm gonna get as close as I can to this cluster.

0:21:36 Brennan: Okay. That guy’s gonna get an attack of opportunity on you.

0:21:38 Emily: Is he? He's frightened.

0:21:39 Brennan: He'll get it with, oh he is frightened. He can only run.

0:21:42 Emily: Yeah.

0:21:42 Brennan: Fuck me. Too scared to hit 'ya.

0:21:46 Ally: How many spaces is 30 feet?

0:21:48 Brennan: Six squares.

0:21:49 Ally: Cool. (moving Kristen’s mini) One, two, three, four, five, six. And then I am going, I don't really have a religion right now but I'm going to take out the On the Subject of World Religions (group laughs)) and Channel Divinity.

0:22:02 Brennan: Dude, how cool. Are you doing, Turn Undead?

0:22:05 Ally: I have Turn Undead and Destroy Undead.

0:22:07 Brennan: Now, Destroy Undead automatically happens when you Turn Undead. So they're gonna make Wisdom saving throws.

0:22:14 Ally: Cool, so I'll do that for those four or those three guys.

0:22:19 Brennan: Daybreak is not undead, he's alive, but the two skeletons there are gonna roll a Wisdom Saving throw. (rolls dice) Uh. (laughs) What do you say as you’re holding this book of comparative world religions aloft?

0:22:31 Kristen: Sometimes it's sad to have more questions than answers, but, uh, living la vida loca! (group laughs)

0:22:41 Brennan: (still laughing) Both skeletons explode into dust. (explosions)

0:22:44 Skeletons: Aaah! (poof)

0:22:47 Fabian: (deadpan) Living la vida loca.

0:22:49 Kristen: Look, I was, really, (shaky) Ricky Martin is the only thing I've fully believed in.

0:22:55 Adaine: Oh my God, maybe your real religion is dance.

0:22:58 Kristen: My God, you're right. Or poppers. (laughs)

0:23:01 Fig: Or hips.

0:23:01 Kristen: (eyes wide) Yes.

0:23:02 Siobhan: Shaky girl jams.

0:23:03 Brennan: That is going to be Gorgug.

0:23:06 Kristen: Outside inside out!

0:23:08 Zac: Well, I'm gonna take a full dash action and go with Riz on my back, to try to put the thing in the—

0:23:15 Lou: (offscreen) Dunk the ball?

0:23:16 Emily: Dunk it.

0:23:17 Ally: Dunk the ball and The Ball.

0:23:17 Siobhan: Dunk that ball.

0:23:19 Ally: The double ball.

0:23:20 Zac: And so, I'm still flying like this, and I--

0:23:23 Brennan: Cool, I'm going to need you to make an opposed Athletics check for me.

0:23:32 Zac: And that's at advantage?

0:23:34 Brennan: That is going to be with advantage, yeah.

0:23:36 Zac: (rolls dice) Ooh. Okay, I got a 24.

0:23:44 Brennan: 24, that's good. It's not as good as a Nat 20.

0:23:49 Zac: Oof. (quietly) Fuck.

0:23:52 Ally: Damn.

0:23:53 Emily: Dang. (energetic music playing)

0:23:55 Brennan: First of all, you take off into the fucking air. So you are up, flying towards this and you hear,

0:24:03 Ragh: Fucking loser!

0:24:09 Brennan: And Ragh Barkrock—

0:24:09 Siobhan: God, that fucking—

0:24:09 Brennan: —comes running, leaps, bam, hits you mid air, fully grapples you to the ground.

0:24:14 Gorgug: Ugh! (growling)

0:24:19 Brennan: Riz, I'm gonna need you to make a Dexterity saving throw.

0:24:24 Murph: (rolls dice) 14, 18.

0:24:28 Brennan: You do not go prone. Now make a Strength saving throw.

0:24:31 Emily: Did you ever use your Bardic Inspiration?

0:24:32 Murph: Oh wait, hang on, wait. 14, Dexterity saving throw, sorry. Plus seven, 11, 21.

0:24:38 Brennan: 21 is great. You do not go prone. Go ahead and make a Strength saving throw.

0:24:43 Emily: Did you ever use your Bardic Inspiration?

0:24:44 Murph: No, I might need it for the Strength saving throw. I'm not good at Strength. (rolls dice) 12 minus 2, 10...

0:24:53 Brennan: The orb goes--

0:24:54 Riz: I'm gonna do, I'm gonna use my Bardic Inspiration.

0:24:56 Brennan: All right, let's see if you can get a 15.

0:24:58 Murph: (strained) Please, fucking five or six. (rolls dice)

0:25:01 Ally: 5! Murph stands up out of his chair in celebration, pumping his fist.

0:25:03 All: Yeah! (Emily laughs)

0:25:05 Emily: A visage of me appears and winks at you. (ding) (group laughs)

0:25:10 Murph: I need to be good at sports right now.

0:25:13 Brennan: You spring from there, fully on your feet. Ragh is gonna take some more swings at you, Gorgug.

0:25:26 Zac: Who?

0:25:27 Brennan: Ragh, who's on top of you. Takes a sword out from his bag. (sword shing) Hits you for that one. Ah, (rolling dice) buh, buh, bum.

0:25:38 Siobhan: So many dice.

0:25:39 Brennan: You take 13 plus 17, so you take 17 points of damage halved to 8.

0:25:47 Zac: Okay. 71.

0:25:47 Emily: Is he still flying though?

0:25:50 Brennan: You still are flying, but Ragh is like fully on you, slashing the sword. (sword impact noises)

0:25:55 Ragh: (a little choked up) You fucking loser! You fucking go after Coach, dude, I'll fucking kill you.

0:26:01 Emily: My God, I wanna go after Coach now.

0:26:03 Brennan: So yeah, your movement was halved but you never took your action, Gorgug, actually on this turn. Because he had a readied action. So if you wanna take your action you can.

0:26:12 Zac: Oh, yeah. I have to get out of the grapple, so I wanna try it.

0:26:15 Brennan: You can deal damage to him if you want. Or you can break out of the grapple.

0:26:20 Zac: (considering noise) I'm gonna deal damage to him. (group claps and cheers)

0:26:23 Siobhan: Fuck this kid up!

0:26:25 Emily: Yeah dude, purple nurple.

0:26:27 Ally: This is hot. (group laughs)

0:26:32 Zac: What is the effect of the damage? Is it halved or something? Because of the grapple there?

0:26:36 Brennan: Well no, it might be halved because he's in a rage right now.

0:26:40 Zac: Oh, great.

0:26:41 Brennan: But you are prone. So you do have disadvantage.

0:26:46 Zac: Okay, I'm just gonna attack him anyway.

0:26:49 Brennan: Okay, cool.

0:26:50 Zac: Can I do all three of my attacks? If I never did my--

0:26:53 Brennan: You can do all three of your attacks. (quiet suspenseful music starts, begins to crescendo)

0:26:55 Zac: This is my first one. Okay, so that is seven, eight, nine, 16.

0:27:00 Brennan: 16 hits.

0:27:02 Siobhan: Don't you have just one dice because you have advantage from raging?

0:27:04 Brennan: Unless you’re doing—

0:27:05 Zac: No, that's a different, after they do Reckless Attacks. So that hits, all right. Which is, uh, (rolls dice) I hit him for 11.

0:27:18 Brennan: 11 points of damage, damn. (the music’s bass line kicks in)

0:27:20 Zac: Then the next one. I've halved, obviously I guess. (rolls dice) Oh, fuck, I had a Nat 20 in there. But the lower one is 22.

0:27:33 Brennan: 22, hits, yes.

0:27:35 Zac: (rolls die) So that would be 8 plus 6.

0:27:41 Brennan: Ooh. That's gonna be, what 14? So that's another 7? Damn.

0:27:46 Zac: Yes. And then my last frenzy attack. (rolls dice) (sighs) That is only a 11.

0:27:54 Brennan: 11 does not hit. You just see Ragh and Gorgug just (thumping and smashing) rolling on the fucking rocks. Cracking the stone underneath them with the force of their hitting each other. That is going to be Fabian.

0:28:11 Lou: Well I guess I see that Gorgug and The Ball seem to— (pauses) (Brennan laughs)

0:28:19 Ally: Seem to have fucked it up again.

0:28:21 Lou: I mean no, they seem to have a handle on things. The Ball seems to have a,

0:28:26 Fabian: You can handle him, right The Ball?

0:28:28 Riz: I am a tiny goblin. And there is a giant dude with spiked shoulder pads.

0:28:32 Murph: Like the goddamn road warriors from WWF. But having Daybreak near me isn’t good either.

0:28:37 Emily: (crosstalk) Yeah but there’s other people, that's what--

0:28:41 Lou: So I'll continue to just engage Daybreak.

0:28:44 Murph: Just whale on that dude.

0:28:45 Lou: Yeah, let's whale on him.

0:28:46 Murph: Whale on the coach, man.

0:28:48 Lou: Hey, we're doing my best. Yeah, I'll take two more shots at the coach.

0:28:53 Fig: Dude, your dad would be so proud if you killed a coach. (Murph laughs)

0:28:57 Lou: 19.

0:28:59 Brennan: 19, that is going to hit.

0:29:01 Emily: Isn't that a critical hit for you?

0:29:03 Brennan: 19 is a critical hit.

0:29:04 Lou: Excuse me, that's with my attack. (shaking his head) If it was a crit. (rolls dice) And then, ugh, and then 10.

0:29:11 Brennan: All right, that's one hit though.

0:29:13 Lou: For 13 again.

0:29:15 Brennan: Hell yeah.

0:29:16 Lou: And then I will bonus action to Second Wind.

0:29:22 Brennan: Coach Daybreak takes another 13.

0:29:25 Lou: And then I'm back up. We're level five right now?

0:29:30 Brennan: That is correct.

0:29:31 Lou: And I'm back up to 42.

0:29:34 Emily: (offscreen) Holy shit.

0:29:34 Brennan: Whoo, that is going to be Daybreak, is gonna come swinging at you again. He's gonna hit you for (rolls dice) 12, 17 points of damage. (sword impact) And then I'm gonna need you to make an opposed athletics check please. (rolls dice)

0:29:52 Zac: Blessed?

0:29:52 Emily: Blessed, Blessed.

0:29:54 Murph: (crosstalk) Fabian's getting some heat.

0:29:55 Lou: I'm not Blessed right now.

0:29:55 Emily: Oh, you’re not Blessed.

0:29:56 Lou: That's 19.

0:29:59 Ally: (laughs) You guys are just rubbing it in.

0:30:01 Murph: You'll (to Kristen) be able to do a touch heal on him because you're right there. (mystery music starts playing)

0:30:07 Brennan: You take another eight points of damage. As Coach Daybreak sweeps your legs out from under you, sends you to your back and goes,

0:30:15 Daybreak: Hey, better luck next time.

0:30:18 Brennan: Goes one, two, three, four, five, six, rushing towards Riz. That's gonna be Adaine. Your Web Spell ends, by the way.

0:30:31 Siobhan: Oh.

0:30:31 Emily: Remember, these people you can run away from these people because they're frightened.

0:30:37 Lou: But the bruiser is free.

0:30:38 Murph: I got some trouble down here in the back field.

0:30:40 Lou: Yeah.

0:30:42 Siobhan: These guys are still afraid though, right?

0:30:45 Brennan: Make an Arcana check.

0:30:46 Siobhan: (rolls die) 22?

0:30:50 Brennan: Yeah, you can tell that they've all been affected by a Fear spell.

0:30:54 Zac: What about, that guy's still in the--

0:30:57 Siobhan: Oh this guy? Oh, this guy.

0:31:01 Emily: I hadn't thought of that. If someone threw it to him.

0:31:03 Murph: Yep, that would be bad.

0:31:03 Lou: Hail Mary.

0:31:06 Siobhan: Can I actually cast Witch Bolt as a second level spell, on this guy? So it goes once and on each of my turns for the duration you can use your action to deal 1d12 lightning damage, to the target automatically.

0:31:23 Brennan: Yeah, go for it.

0:31:24 Siobhan: Great.

0:31:24 Brennan: Do you have to roll to hit?

0:31:27 Siobhan: It's a ranged attack.

0:31:28 Brennan: Go ahead and make that spell attack.

0:31:32 Siobhan: (rolls die) 10 plus 7, 17?

0:31:37 Brennan: 17 hits.

0:31:38 Siobhan: Great.

0:31:38 Ally: Fuck yeah. Go Adaine.

0:31:41 Siobhan: (rolls dice) So 9 (rolls dice) and 7, so 16?

0:31:47 Brennan: 16 points of damage?

0:31:49 Siobhan: Yeah.

0:31:49 Ally: Jesus.

0:31:50 Brennan: You fry that skeleton. (lightning crackles)

0:31:53 Emily: Yeah, that's gonna get rid of them.

0:31:54 Brennan: Somebody wanna hand me that bad boy. (taking the skeleton’s mini off the map)

0:31:55 Siobhan: And then can I keep on using Witch Bolt? Even though that guy's dead?

0:32:00 Brennan: Unfortunately, I don't know if you can switch targets. Let me know what the spell says, if there's anything about switching targets.

0:32:05 Siobhan: Target takes—

0:32:07 Brennan: I think once that target's toast, it's just toast.

0:32:09 Siobhan: Okay, I guess I'll move back to here. Just so I'm not directly in the way of the goal.

0:32:18 Brennan: Sure, that's going to be the skeletons. These three skeletons fully rush off the field.

0:32:24 Skeletons: Aaaah!

0:32:30 Murph: Yay!

0:32:30 Siobhan: Bye, bye. (Emily laughs evilly)

0:32:34 Brennan: Cool, cool, they fully just go (rattling) run fleeing. This skeleton turns and charges straight for you (Fig). (group laughs)

0:32:49 Murph: I think you just outed yourself.

0:32:50 Fig: But I'm a, I'm a Harvestman!

0:32:53 Brennan: (laughs) You see, (rolls die) and misses you horribly, goes for the tackle and does not hit. You see the orb crackles with magical power. (electric noises) And you see the stone breaks around you. Skeletal arms surge up from the ground as the orb animates three skeletal warriors.

0:33:28 Emily: We knew there'd be some sort of regeneration.

0:33:30 Ally: Yeah, this was too easy.

0:33:32 Brennan: Around you (Riz) they all take swings. What's your armor class?

0:33:35 Murph: 15.

0:33:37 Brennan: (rolls die) It's gonna be two hits (rolls again) for—

0:33:41 Murph: I'm gonna half one of them with my cunning— or with my Uncanny Dodge.

0:33:45 Brennan: The one to the left or the one to your right? (Zac laughs)

0:33:47 Murph: The one to my left.

0:33:50 Brennan: (nods) That was the more damage one. You take three and then four points of damage. And you see that this skeleton over here readies an action. Riz, that's gonna be your turn.

0:34:06 Murph: Okay, let's see here. (taps fingers on the table) I am going to… (stands up to consider)

0:34:19 Emily: Do you have any kinda, like, sneaky shit?

0:34:22 Murph: I do have some stuff. I have lots of sneaky stuff. I definitely don't wanna throw the ball into the chest because that dude is right there. But I can, okay, here's my plan. I am going to use Nimble Escape as a bonus action. So I get to disengage without taking opportunity attacks.

0:34:32 Brennan: Woof.

0:34:43 Murph: And then I'm going to run sort of, I don't wanna get too close, this guy's gonna get me. I'm gonna run sort of center field. Like, around here. And then I'm gonna ready an action to throw the ball to Kristen Applebees if Daybreak comes for me. Or if the quarterback comes for me.

0:35:06 Brennan: Okay. Rad.

0:35:06 Ally: Great.

0:35:08 Brennan: Cool, you disengage, no opportunity attacks. You have 30 movement, right?

0:35:13 Murph: Yes.

0:35:14 Brennan: (moving Riz’s mini) One, two, three, four, five, six. Here's good for you?

0:35:17 Murph: Yep.

0:35:18 Brennan: And you get ready to throw the ball if Daybreak comes for you, gotcha. That's going to be Fig.

0:35:28 Emily: Okay, I'm going to cast a third level Dissonant Whispers on Coach Daybreak.

0:35:33 Brennan: Rad.

0:35:38 Emily: So he has to do a Wisdom saving throw. Otherwise I will, well no matter what I'll do 5d6, but then he might half it.

0:35:50 Brennan: Rad. He makes a Wisdom saving throw. What's the DC?

0:35:53 Emily: 16.

0:35:55 Brennan: (rolls dice) Okay, you strike that lick on the bass.  (bass guitar plays) He turns around. He goes,

0:36:03 Daybreak: (tapping his forehead) You can't get in here. God made it rock solid! (shining sound)

0:36:10 Brennan: And just bright light surrounds his head. You do half damage.

0:36:15 Emily: Yeah, okay.

0:36:17 Fig: Well I'm still doing damage, bitch. Also you thought I was a Harvestman, you fool. (rock music starts) (group laughs)

0:36:23 Emily: 9, 19, 25, half damage at 25.

0:36:28 Brennan: Half, 25 halved, gotcha. You see that blood starts coming out the side of his mouth as just pure rock power hits him in the face.

0:36:41 Emily: And then I'm gonna wink at Riz again. (ding)

0:36:44 Riz: Huh. Well, alright. (Brennan wheezes)

0:36:47 Fig: Don't get any ideas, because I got a little someone named Dr. Asha. (wiggles eyebrows)

0:36:52 Riz: I saw, I saw.

0:36:53 Brennan: Kristen, it's gonna be you. (bright music)

0:36:55 Ally: Okay, great, I am going to reach out, touch Fabian and cast a third level Healing Word. So I get to cast as many d4's as the level. So can I borrow you guy's d4's? Because I get to roll a three.

0:37:06 Murph: You might wanna— because Healing Word is a ranged one, I think Cure Wounds will do more healing probably.

0:37:10 Lou: Yeah.

0:37:13 Murph: Because that'll do—

0:37:13 Ally: It's the number of healing of, a d8 plus my spell casting ability, which is 5.

0:37:19 Murph: So instead of a d4 it would be a d8.

0:37:23 Ally: When healing increases by a d, oh, for each level. Oh, dope, okay, yeah cool. Then I can touch him. So I go(moving mini) beep, beep.

0:37:30 Brennan: Ah rad, go ahead and roll those d8's. And don't forget to add something for Disciple of Life. It gives you more, I think, right?

0:37:38 Emily: Probably gives you, I think it gives you--

0:37:41 Ally: Dueling spell.

0:37:41 Emily: Two plus the spell's level I wanna say?

0:37:44 Brennan: Two plus the spell's level. It's a third level spell. So add five to whatever you're doing.

0:37:47 Ally: So I'm gonna add 5 and then I'm gonna add another 5 because that's my spellcasting ability.

0:37:50 Brennan: Dope.

0:37:52 Ally: So it's three d8's and then 10.

0:37:54 Brennan: (simultaneously) Plus 10.

0:37:55 Murph: Sweet (handing them a die) here's a d8.

0:37:57 Ally: Thanks, can I use your d8 too?

0:37:58 Lou: (quietly) Of course.

0:38:00 Ally: Is this an 8?

0:38:01 Murph: Yep, yep. (rubbing his hands together)

0:38:01 Ally: Cool, all right. This is for you baby. (rolls dice) A 7, a 7, and a 6. (holy chiming) (Murph claps, Emily cheers)

0:38:09 Ally: So that's 30, you got 30.

0:38:10 Lou: Wow. (smiling)

0:38:10 Ally: Thanks guys.

0:38:12 Lou: Uh, incredible.

0:38:13 Brennan: Are you back at full?

0:38:14 Lou: No, I'm at 47. (shining chime)

0:38:18 Brennan: The power of whatever divinity Kristen is channeling, fills your body as your wounds--

0:38:23 Kristen: Remember when we all believed in the Corn God for that one round? (Emily laughs)

0:38:27 Fig: Now I believe in Ricky Martin.

0:38:31 Kristen: (puts a hand on Fabian’s shoulder) (singing) Outside, inside out! Living la vida loca!

0:38:36 Lou: (dancing) Just like Latin vibes.

0:38:37 Kristen: (singing) Push and pull you out!

0:38:39 Lou: My body's just vibrating—

0:38:39 Brennan: Sounds of the Caribbean man.

0:38:41 Kristen: (singing) Living la vida loca.

0:38:43 Brennan: It's gonna be Gorgug.

0:38:46 Zac: Okay, Gorgug has had enough. He just wants to get up. So is that an Athletics? So what do I do to get out of a?

0:38:52 Brennan: You're gonna do a Athletics check. You have advantage. And so does Ragh.

0:39:00 Zac: Okay. (rolls dice) Okay, I had a 28.

0:39:07 Brennan: 28, oh, you bam! (echoing thud) Kick Ragh square in the chest. He flies off of you. It's gonna take half your movement, which since you're flying, is 30, for you to get up. But you have half your movement left.

0:39:22 Zac: Okay, I will take my movement to stand behind Riz. In the way of— (he places his mini between Riz and a skeleton)

0:39:30 Brennan: Oh, dope.

0:39:32 Zac: Yeah, the rest of my movement.

0:39:35 Brennan: Cool, you just get in front of Riz. Then that's going to be Ragh. Ragh stands up. And he's swinging right for Riz baby. That's gonna be (rolls dice) (suspenseful music)

0:39:44 Lou: Fuck!

0:39:54 Brennan: 17 damage.

0:39:54 Murph: (whispering) Fuck!

0:39:55 Siobhan: (offscreen) First.

0:39:57 Brennan: And then, next takes 8 damage.

0:40:02 Murph: Okay. (sighs) I have 15.

0:40:05 Brennan: Ragh just says,

0:40:05 Ragh: Rawh, (sword shings) bam, bam, bam.

0:40:08 Murph: This is the same turn as the skeletons got a crack at me, right?

0:40:11 Brennan: Yes, that's correct.

0:40:12 Murph: No it's not—

0:40:12 Brennan: Oh no, it’s after your turn—

0:40:12 Murph: —because they surrounded me. So I can take half of—

0:40:15 Brennan: One of those?

0:40:15 Murph: One of them.

0:40:17 Brennan: One of them was 17. So add 8 more points back onto that.

0:40:21 Murph: Good.

0:40:22 Brennan: That's Ragh's turn. That's gonna be Fabian.

0:40:25 Lou: Okay, I'd like to Action Surge. And run and grab the ball.

0:40:33 Murph: (laughs) The Ball or the ball?

0:40:34 Emily: Which one?

0:40:35 Lou: Well, The Ball and the ball. (Brennan laughs)

0:40:38 Lou: And then I don't know. I mean, this is probably the most illogical way. But in some way, run and jump over that skeleton and attempt to throw The Ball and the ball into the chest.

0:40:51 Emily: No, dunk it.

0:40:52 Siobhan: Dunk!

0:40:52 Emily: Dunk!

0:40:52 Siobhan: Dunk.

0:40:52 Lou: (shrugging) I guess, or dunk.

0:40:54 Murph: Do I get sealed in Hell?

0:40:56 Emily: No no no, not you, not you!

0:40:58 Zac: (pretending to hold up a child) Like when you're letting a baby dunk.

0:41:00 Lou: How much of that will you let me do? (Emily laughs)

0:41:02 Brennan: Here's what I'm gonna do. It's half your movement to stand up. So that's 15 right there. Rest of your movement is one, two, three. (the mini is not close to anything) Right? (group laughs)

0:41:11 Brennan: You Action Surge, you Action Surge and you also have your other action. So you can take a dash action to one, two, three, four, five, six. (Fabian’s mini moves closer to the chest) Go ahead and give me, I'm gonna say, an Athletics check to grab Riz. I don't think Riz is contesting. Murph shakes his head.

0:41:34 Brennan: So we'll call this a flat, to not break your movement at all. I'll say you pick him up on a 10. You pick him up without breaking your movement on a 15.

0:41:42 Lou: Great, let's do it.

0:41:44 Ally: Sorry you don't have Bless.

0:41:45 Lou: It's all good. It's a 17 flat, without my Athletics. (Murph and Brennan clap) (Brennan and Emily laugh)

0:41:51 Fabian: I should be on the Bloodrush team. (group laughs)

0:41:53 Murph: He says that loudly.

0:41:55 Fabian: I belong on this team.

0:41:57 Lou: Can I make direct eye contact with Daybreak as I flawlessly just pick The Ball up?

0:42:05 Brennan: (laughing) You see Daybreak is looking at you as you’re just sprinting past. (footsteps pattering) Unbelievably he goes,

0:42:09 Daybreak: What the hell?

0:42:14 Brennan: So you still have, you've used your Action Surge to dash. You got your movement. You have your regular action remaining to get there and dunk this thing in.

0:42:24 Lou: I mean, if that's not possible, either as much of dunking or shooting The Ball and the ball.

0:42:31 Brennan: All of this is legit, thus far. You're within movement. This guy has a readied action and is gonna come and make an athletics check against you. (whoosh) This is a very important athletics check. Can we bring out the Box of Doom, here real quick? (tense music) Fabian Aramais Seacaster is sprinting towards the rune-covered chest at the end of the field. Here we have the Box of Doom for very important rolls. This feels pretty damn significant. I'll tell you straight up. This skeleton quarterback has got a plus five to its Athletics check.

0:43:02 Lou: As do I.

0:43:03 Emily: Ohhh.

0:43:04 Brennan: So it is a matter of, you need to roll one higher than this quarterback to not get grappled.

0:43:13 Lou: I'll take those odds.

0:43:14 Brennan: (to Murph) Go ahead and set it down right there. Three, two, one. (rolls dice)

0:43:20 All: Whoa!

0:43:21 Lou: We both rolled like trash.

0:43:23 Murph: (points to Lou) A five and (point to Brennan) a two. Just some sloppy play. (pirate music starts)

0:43:29 Brennan: Oh ho ho! Sloppy play. You just full on Heisman this skeleton, bam! Rush past with Riz and the ball, make it here (in front of the chest). And I'll just need one last, just a DC. Literally a DC5, don't roll a 1 Athletics check.

0:43:49 Lou: (rolls dice) 7. (puts his hand over his heart) It looks very much like a 1 and I was—

0:43:53 Ally: (patting Lou’s shoulder) It looked like a 1. It looked like a 1! Oh my God.

0:43:57 Brennan: You see, bam! You slam Riz and the ball into the chest.

0:44:00 Zac: (offscreen) Riz and the ball?

0:44:03 Murph: Can I jump out?

0:44:04 Lou: And I immediately turn and give the middle finger.

0:44:07 Brennan: Honestly make a DC15 Dexterity save for that.

0:44:10 Emily: (pointing aggressively) And you’re Blessed! You have uh— Bardic Inspiration.

0:44:11 Siobhan: I'm gonna give him my other divination roll, which is a 16. There is no way we are dunking The Ball. (Murph cackling)

0:44:18 Lou: Yeah, my blood was just so, I was just so hot, in the moment, that there was no thought.

0:44:22 Murph: I was just on board for the ride and then--

0:44:26 Brennan: You leaped out. You turn around and do what to the coach?

0:44:29 Lou: Fucking straight up, like (double middle fingers)

0:44:30 Fabian: (yelling) What's good!

0:44:33 Lou: Like all of the fancy and like, the air that I care about is gone, in this moment of just pure,

0:44:40 Fabian: Fuck you, dog! Woooo! Wooooooo! (punching the air) Po-pow! Buh, buh, buh, bah! Buh, buh, buh, buh! Wooooo!

0:44:53 Ally: I'm doing like kind of the same thing, like, "Yeah!"

0:44:56 Murph: I'm trying to run up and do that butt thing that the butt buddies do.

0:44:57 Lou: (laughing) Like, (imitating football players bouncing their butts together)

0:44:59 Ally: (to Murph) But you’re in his knee.

0:45:00 Brennan: (whoosh) Every skeleton is straight up vaporized, off the field. Instantaneously, you hear the vaporize, of the other skeletons running away.

0:45:09 Emily: Yeah. We need to murder these last two.

0:45:13 Brennan: Incredible, Daybreak goes one, two, three, four, five, six--

0:45:25 Zac: Do we get an attack on him?

0:45:26 Emily: Are we still in combat?

0:45:27 Brennan: You do get an attack on him. He's gonna take an attack on you on his way past you.

0:45:30 Zac: Whoa. Crazy.

0:45:33 Brennan: And he misses that attack on you. So go ahead and take an attack on him.

0:45:37 Zac: (rolls die) Ooh, I only got a 14.

0:45:40 Brennan: 14 does not hit. Rushes past you. And takes, you see, he goes like,

0:45:52 Daybreak: (heavy breathing) Nice play, kid, but we're going overtime.

0:45:57 Brennan: And that's going to be Adaine's turn.

0:46:01 Siobhan: I mean, I'm just gonna take my full dash action. One, two, three, four, five.

0:46:09 Zac: If you dash can you still attack or that's your whole turn?

0:46:12 Siobhan: Is he 120 feet from me? This dude?

0:46:15 Brennan: Oh, dope.

0:46:17 Emily: Oh yeah, because you a sniper!

0:46:20 Murph: Oh, fucking hell yeah.

0:46:20 Lou: You’re a sniper.

0:46:21 Siobhan: So I can do that.

0:46:23 Brennan: (measuring) He's for sure within 120 yeah.

0:46:24 Siobhan: Great, I will cast Ray of Sickness on that motherfucker. (adventurous music)

0:46:28 Brennan: (laughs) What type of save is that again?

0:46:30 Siobhan: That is a Constitution saving throw.

0:46:32 Brennan: And what's the DC on that?

0:46:34 Siobhan: 15.

0:46:35 Brennan: Incredible, you are looking at Ragh Barkrock. He sees this,

0:46:39 Ragh: Freak like you—

0:46:39 Brennan: Goes, zoom. And right in between your faces a pulsating beam of green energy (bubbling noises) hits Daybreak right in the back, in his kidneys. And you just hear the most violent, shitting of pants that's ever, you hear like a, prrrrgh, like a fucking lawnmower starting.

0:46:50 Ally: (hands over their face) Oh my God.

0:47:01 Brennan: (gross plopping noises) Him fully evacuating his bowels. His fucking sweatpants drop a full foot. He goes,

0:47:08 Daybreak: (pained expression) Arrrrrgh! Hurrrrgh!

0:47:14 Brennan: Snot, weeping blood, coming out of his eyes. Fully hit by the Ray of Sickness.

0:47:19 Siobhan: Great.

0:47:19 Lou: Oh my God.

0:47:20 Siobhan: So he's poisoned and he takes (rolling) 6, 11 points of damage.

0:47:25 Brennan: 11 points of damage, awesome. He's so fucked up! Riz, that's you.

0:47:32 Murph: I'm going to pick up the chest. And then I'm going to run to the back like by the scoreboard and stuff and I'm gonna hide.

0:47:40 Brennan: Oh, you're gonna hide behind the (laughs).

0:47:42 Murph: He’s gonna hide.

0:47:43 Brennan: Dope, go ahead and give me a Stealth check. I'll say with disadvantage because you're trying to hide a big object.

0:47:50 Murph: Okay, cool. (sucks in a breath) (rolls dice) Not great. 2 plus 3, 13. And I'll use my Bardic Inspiration. (rolls dice) 18!

0:48:06 Brennan: 18. You stuff the chest behind something as fast as you possibly can. And that's a bonus action on a turn, right?

0:48:14 Murph: I was gonna say I can just use a bonus action. So I'm just hiding with the chest with my gun out, (laughing) just sitting there. Waiting for somebody to come out. (Lou laughs)

0:48:22 Murph: Fucking Macauley Culkin style.

0:48:25 Brennan: (laughs) The poisoned Coach Daybreak goes,

0:48:31 Daybreak: Oh God, oh God, it's time to pull out the big guns.

0:48:33 Siobhan: Oh no.

0:48:35 Brennan: Reaches into the pocket of his sweatpants, pulls out a little palimpsest, a crystal palimpsest. And goes,

0:48:42 Daybreak: Hoot, growl, hoot, growl, hoot, growl, (glass breaks)

0:48:47 Brennan: Shatters it on the ground and you hear (snorts) (hoots) and an owlbear appears on the field next to him. (group exclaims in surprise)

0:48:51 Ally: Awww, shit.

0:48:55 Lou: I'm sorry, that's a literal owlbear?

0:48:57 Brennan: That's a literal owlbear. The school mascot, in terrifying three dimensional form.

0:49:00 Ally: Oh my Gosh.

0:49:03 Lou: One of the craziest things I've ever seen in my whole life.

0:49:05 Ally: It looks like that thing that really wants the acorn, in Ice Age. (group laughs)

0:49:11 Lou: That's incredible.

0:49:11 Brennan: Yeah. And this thing begins to charge Adaine. (suspenseful music)

0:49:18 Siobhan: Oh shit!

0:49:19 Murph: Whoa, they're probably fast. (wings flapping, hoots and growls)

0:49:28 Brennan: Tearing across the field towards you. (calmly) But that's just its movement. It doesn't take an attack until next turn. (Emily laughs) (Siobhan screams a little)

0:49:38 Brennan: That's going to be Fig.

0:49:40 Emily: Okay, if I cast Shatter are they both in a 10 foot radius sphere? Are these two gonna hit both of them?

0:49:48 Brennan: No, they are farther than 10 feet apart.

0:49:50 Emily: Okay, then I'm just going to one, two, three--

0:49:54 Adaine: (panicked) Where are you going!

0:49:56 Fig: You got it girl. (group laughs)

0:50:01 Kristen: Adaine’s gonna die.

0:50:02 Fig: Wait, are you low, healthwise?

0:50:05 Adaine: I'm always low health. I'm okay, I'm okay.

0:50:08 Riz: Kristen Applebees is nearby.

0:50:09 Fabian: Hey, we'll get to you.

0:50:11 Emily: I think we should get rid of the coach. Okay, let's see how close you are.

0:50:14 Ally: That’s so funny, when they’re like, (pretends to move mini) “Bye!”

0:50:19 Emily: And then I'm gonna say to Coach Daybreak,

0:50:21 Fig: Oh, I can't get in your head?

0:50:23 Emily: And then I'm gonna try and cast Dissonant Whispers, again. This time at a second level.

0:50:30 Brennan: I believe he has disadvantage now. Because of being poisoned.

0:50:32 Murph: (offscreen) Nice.

0:50:34 Brennan: And again, that's a Wisdom saving throw. What's the DC?

0:50:37 Emily: 16.

0:50:37 Brennan: Nice, 16. (rolls dice) Dope, full effect.

0:50:44 Emily: (whispering whoosh) Ha, ha, got into your head bitch. Okay that's gonna be two 1s. (sad noise) (group laughs)

0:50:51 Emily: Okay, that's gonna be 9. Probably did less damage than they did. Whatever, I'm in your head.

0:50:59 Brennan: How much damage is that, sorry?

0:51:01 Emily: That is gonna be 7 plus 2, 9.

0:51:03 Brennan: 9 damage, great.

0:51:06 Emily: And he also, he has to use his reaction to move as far as his speed allows him away from me.

0:51:14 Brennan: Just his reaction though, correct? Yeah, unfortunately he doesn't have a reaction available to use.

0:51:20 Emily: Okay and then I'm gonna look at Adaine and give her a wink. (ding)

0:51:26 Adaine: That's so confusing right now. (group laughs)

0:51:30 Brennan: Well, that's gonna be Kristen.

0:51:31 Fig: That's because I believe in you.

0:51:31 Adaine: Ah, great. You're like this sexual 15 year old.

0:51:35 Fig: (laughs) (quietly) Look, I just had my first kiss.

0:51:37 Ally: I am going to--

0:51:40 Fabian: That was your first kiss, that Dwarven doctor?

0:51:43 Fig: He's hot.

0:51:45 Lou: He's old.

0:51:45 Riz: He's an adult man. (group laughs)

0:51:48 Lou: He's a man.

0:51:49 Fig: Hot.

0:51:50 Ally: In Elvish I say,

0:51:50 Kristen: What should I do?

0:51:55 Emily: I say WWRMD, what would Ricky Martin do?

0:52:00 Ally: I use my full action to dance. (Lou laughs, high-pitched)

0:52:06 Murph: There’s also the Hold Person could be helpful on either, I bet you, was it Ragh?

0:52:11 Brennan: Ragh.

0:52:12 Murph: Ragh, probably has very low wisdom, I would think. He's not a smart guy. You could keep him in place, which would be fucking helpful.

0:52:21 Ally: Yeah, 60, so how many squares is 60 feet?

0:52:23 Brennan: 60 feet is, definitely Ragh is within range. For sure.

0:52:28 Ally: Oh cool, then I'm just gonna move closer to Adaine.

0:52:31 Murph: Yeah, that's great.

0:52:32 Ally: (handing the mini over) Oh sorry.

0:52:34 Brennan: Yeah, hell yeah.

0:52:35 Ally: Cool, and then I cast Hold Person on Ragh.

0:52:38 Brennan: He's gonna make a saving throw. What's the DC on that?

0:52:41 Ally and Murph: 16.

0:52:43 Brennan: (rolls die) You hold your hand aloft. (loud crashes) Power of the Heavens awaits. Ragh turns up and goes,

0:52:51 Ragh: What are you, (chokes) argh!

0:52:57 Brennan: And freezes in place.

0:52:59 Ally: Sick.

0:53:00 Brennan: Hell yeah. That's going to be Gorgug.

0:53:04 Zac: Okay, he can't even defend himself?

0:53:08 Brennan: It doesn't look great. (laughs)

0:53:09 Zac: I'm just gonna scream and do a Reckless Attack on him. (laughs) It’s just one attack with advantage, okay. Good thing I did that. One nat 1 and then 8, plus 3, plus 7, so 18.

0:53:26 Brennan: 18 damage?

0:53:28 Zac: 18 hit?

0:53:29 Brennan: Certainly, you hit.

0:53:31 Zac: Should I even roll?

0:53:32 Brennan: You have advantage on every attack, he's paralyzed.

0:53:34 Zac: Okay, great, great. So the first one does, 8 plus, 14 damage.

0:53:43 Brennan: (impressed laughter) Jesus Christ.

0:53:44 Zac: The next one is a Nat 20. (group applauds and cheers)

0:53:50 Zac: I finally got one.

0:53:51 Emily: (like a crow) Ah, ah.

0:53:52 Brennan: You're gonna roll 3d12 plus—

0:53:55 Emily: Yes.

0:53:57 Zac: Wouldn't Savage Attacks on critical add additional damage?

0:54:01 Brennan: That means it's normally, just 2d12 is a critical. It's 3d12 because of Savage Attacks. So go ahead and roll 3d12 plus your damage modifier.

0:54:08 Siobhan: Savage.

0:54:08 Ally: Wow.

0:54:10 Zac: Oooh, oooh, oh wait.

0:54:13 Siobhan: Yeah, that's a 12.

0:54:13 Emily: Ooh!

0:54:13 Zac: Oh yeah right, okay, so 18.

0:54:17 Siobhan: (pointing at his dice) That's a 9.

0:54:18 Zac: Oh, whoa! 21, 26 plus six, is 32.

0:54:23 Brennan: 32. (laughing in disbelief) Jesus Christ.

0:54:23 Lou: (crosstalk) He’s just trapped in place.

0:54:24 Emily: Specify that we want to murder him, not just knock him out.

0:54:26 Siobhan: This guy should die.

0:54:27 Brennan: Roll another attack with advantage.

0:54:30 Zac: And then add my frenzy. That's gonna hit, 22.

0:54:36 Brennan: Yeah, go for it. Go ahead and roll d12 plus damage.

0:54:40 Zac: Ooh. A 16—  or, uh, an 18.

0:54:46 Brennan: (laughing, high-pitched) You see as soon as he freezes, Kristen I don't know what you were assuming was gonna happen. You raise your hand up to Ragh. Him going like,

0:54:49 Ragh: Urrah!

0:54:52 Brennan: He freezes.

0:54:55 Ally: And I say,

0:54:55 Kristen: Freeze, I wanna talk to you. (group laughs)

0:54:57 Zac: I’m like,

0:55:00 Gorgug: (distressed) Stop picking on me!

0:55:02 Brennan: You fucking whale, just ha, ha! (multiple meaty impact noises) Bone and blood just shower all over you. Ragh is fully fucking dead on the ground. (Emily cheers)

0:55:18 Zac: (very calm by contrast) And I can move, so I guess, (laughing)

0:55:24 Emily: Get Daybreak!

0:55:25 Zac: I'm going to run, (whispers) oh, fuck, I'm gonna go this way. I'm flying.

0:55:34 Brennan: You're fully flying, yeah.

0:55:35 Zac: So I can get to here.

0:55:37 Emily: Oh my god, I hope you guys fight in the air.

0:55:40 Brennan: This would normally be Ragh's turn but he's fucking dead.

0:55:44 Zac: See ya. (they laugh)

0:55:46 Ally: You guys, we’re killing it this round!

0:55:48 Brennan: Fabian, that's you. You hear from far away. (buzzing) Whooom! (tires screeching) The Hangman skids into place in front of you.

0:56:01 Lou: Fantastic, can I immediately mount it in and drive it straight at Coach Daybreak? (group laughs)

0:56:08 Brennan: You may absolutely do that. Incredible.

0:56:14 Fabian: Let's play! (motorcycle revs engine)

0:56:20 Brennan: (laughing) Do you want to try to knock him prone?

0:56:22 Lou: Hell yes. (grins)

0:56:23 Brennan: You may use one of your attacks to make an opposed Athletics check. I'm gonna say with advantage because you're mounted on a motorcycle.

0:56:31 Lou: (chuckling) Okay, fantastic.

0:56:32 Brennan: You'd have to beat a, oof, he did not roll well, you have to beat a 15, on Athletics-Strength.

0:56:39 Lou: And I have advantage?

0:56:39 Brennan: You have advantage.

0:56:42 Lou: The flat 16 without it, Athletics, so.

0:56:44 Emily and Murph: See if you crit.

0:56:46 Lou: Let's see, do I crit? I do not crit.

0:56:47 Emily: (copying Fabian’s accent) I do not crit.

0:56:48 Brennan: Okay and you may use your other, your extra attack this round as well if you'd like.

0:56:51 Lou: I would love to.

0:56:54 Murph: Knock his fucking head off man.

0:56:57 Lou: Mm. That's only 11.

0:56:59 Murph: Do you get advantage though? Because he would knock him prone with the first attack, right?

0:57:03 Brennan: Yeah, he's prone so you get an advantage.

0:57:05 Lou: Oh fantastic, oh ho ho, 16!

0:57:08 Brennan: 16 hits exactly. (Murph claps)

0:57:11 Adaine: Fuck you, man! You suck as a teacher.

0:57:13 Lou: And then that'll be 11.

0:57:16 Brennan: Jesus Christ, Coach Daybreak has just blasted shit all over the inside of his sweatpants, all his skeletons are dead. Your incredible, gilded, demon motorcycle flies out of the fucking stadium. You, whooa, go astride it, run him over and stab him in the dick. (they laugh)

0:57:35 Lou: Hell yes!

0:57:36 Brennan: Bam, he goes,

0:57:36 Daybreak: Argh, God! It didn't go right!

0:57:41 Brennan: (laughs) It is now going to be Daybreak's turn. He leaps up and is going to rush one, two, three. He's gonna take a bunch of attacks at Fabian but they're all at disadvantage. That's a miss. Ooh, that's a hit. That's a hit as well. He deals Fabian first 11 points of damage and then 13 points of damage. So, hah, hah, slashing you with a spear.

0:58:25 Daybreak: (vomiting) You got no heart kid. You'll never be an Owlbear. (pained) Hoot, growl, hoot, growl.

0:58:32 Lou: I just rev the shit out of my motorcycle.

0:58:36 Brennan: Adaine, that's you.

0:58:38 Siobhan: Can I do a cone of damage upwards?

0:58:42 Zac: No, because I’m—

0:58:44 Siobhan: Because I don't wanna hit Gorgug. But I have a 30 foot cone Burning Hands. Can I put my hand underneath the fucking owlbear and go whooosh?

0:58:54 Brennan: You can also sidestep if you want.

0:58:55 Siobhan: Oh! Okay, so can I sidestep to here and I don't get an attack of opportunity?

0:58:59 Brennan: No attack of opportunity. In 5E, attacks of opportunity are only when you leave.

0:59:02 Siobhan: Oh, great, so I will do Burning Hands as a third level spell,

0:59:08 Murph: Dope.

0:59:10 Siobhan: Which is 5d6. And they have to make a Dexterity saving throw.

0:59:17 Brennan: Fails the Dexterity saving throw. You go full damage.

0:59:19 Siobhan: 5d6. (rolling several times) 2, 8, 13, 19, and then one more? 20!

0:59:31 Brennan: Jesus!

0:59:34 Emily: (offscreen) Dang, Adaine has attack! (roaring flames)

0:59:37 Brennan: You light up this owlbear.

0:59:39 Owlbear: Whooooooo!

0:59:42 Brennan: Screaming hellishly. Riz, that's you.

0:59:46 Murph: Dope. I am going to leave the chest, pop out enough to shoot at Daybreak. (suspenseful music)

0:59:56 Brennan: Okay, cool, you pop out over here and take a shot at him. Go for it.

1:00:04 Murph: 11, 18.

1:00:05 Brennan: That's gonna hit.

1:00:07 Murph: Sweet. (music adds more chords) 7, 5, 13 damage. Plus I'll do Fury of the Small so I can add my level to that damage.

1:00:23 Brennan: Damn.

1:00:23 Murph: So, another 5.

1:00:25 Brennan: Fire, bam, blasts the coach in the back. The owlbear—

1:00:32 Murph: I'm gonna go back and hide.

1:00:39 Brennan: The owlbear turns and is going to attack Adaine. (rolls) Ooh, that's not great.

1:00:50 Siobhan: Fuck, should have saved some of my—

1:00:53 Brennan: Adaine takes 10 points of damage.

1:00:56 Siobhan: Oh, okay.

1:00:57 Brennan: And then, that's from the beak. The claw deals you… (breath in) 16 points of damage.

1:01:05 Ally: 26, Jesus.

1:01:07 Siobhan: Okay.

1:01:08 Ally: How many do you have left?

1:01:11 Siobhan: 9. (owlbear hoots and growls)

1:01:15 Brennan: That is going to be Fig.

1:01:17 Emily: Okay, I would like to cast Suggestion on the coach. And I would like to turn to him and say, and I’ll phrase it as a suggestion, (major key synth riff)

1:01:30 Fig: You should tell me the names of the other teachers who are working to bring about the apocalypse with the Harvestmen.

1:01:41 Brennan: You cast the spell. (whoosh, thud) Hits that fucking thick head and nothing.

1:01:47 Emily: God dammit.

1:01:48 Daybreak: (heavy breathing)

1:01:49 Emily: All right, I wink at Kristen Applebees. (ding)

1:01:52 Fig: You might need it there.

1:01:53 Kristen: Thanks. (laughs uncomfortably)

1:01:55 Brennan: Kristen, speaking of which it's your turn.

1:01:56 Kristen: That was weird, right? That's fucking weird.

1:01:59 Ally: Okay, can I do just a Perception check on the whole chest plan that we're currently working with? Just to see like, it's good that we have it in the chest.

1:02:09 Brennan: Sure, go for it.

1:02:12 Ally: Uh, ooh, let's see, 16.

1:02:14 Brennan: Yeah, it seems like these skeletons would have kept coming back. And the main thing is that the chest locked itself again. So in other words, they don't have a full team trying to get this thing to the portal anymore.

1:02:28 Ally: Cool, love it. Cool, I'm gonna run as close as I can to Adaine.

1:02:34 Brennan: Awesome, one, two, three. Yeah, you can make it to Adaine.

1:02:39 Ally: Cool and then can I do a Cure Wounds?

1:02:42 Brennan: Yeah, go for it.

1:02:44 Ally: Can I only cast that once per or it just takes a spell slot, right?

1:02:47 Brennan: No, it just takes a spell slot.

1:02:48 Ally: And that's just my second third level spell. How many could you possibly be healed by?

1:02:52 Siobhan: I wouldn't use a third level spell on me because I can only get to 35.

1:02:55 Ally: Okay, then I'm gonna use a second level of that.

1:02:57 Brennan: Dope.

1:02:59 Ally: All right, Adaine. 16!

1:03:03 Siobhan: (imitates praying) Great, thank you. Zac repeatedly fails to snap on-camera. (heavenly chime)

1:03:06 Ally: And then I, ah, (ding) wink at you.

1:03:11 Adaine: It's just not the same when you do it. I don't know what it is.

1:03:14 Brennan: That's gonna be Gorgug.

1:03:16 Zac: All right, I'm taking a step at this owlbear. (laughs)

1:03:20 Siobhan: Take him into the sky.

1:03:21 Zac: Yeah, is it flying? Can we fight in the air?

1:03:25 Brennan: It doesn't look like it can fly, actually.

1:03:27 Gorgug: Face me in the air! (group laughs)

1:03:31 Zac: I come back down to the ground. I'm just gonna take a Reckless Attack on this guy.

1:03:36 Brennan: Go for it.

1:03:39 Zac: And that's a 28 not, uh—

1:03:40 Brennan: That hits.

1:03:41 Murph: That hits, believe it or not.

1:03:43 Ally: (laughing) Yeah.

1:03:44 Zac: So I hit it for 11.

1:03:48 Brennan: Wham, roll again. Roll another time. (suspenseful music)

1:03:55 Zac: Okay, I hit, well that's a 24.

1:03:58 Brennan: Hits, go ahead and roll damage.

1:04:02 Zac: Okay. That's 18, 18 damage on that one.

1:04:04 Brennan: Oh Jesus.

1:04:05 Ally: (offscreen) Wow.

1:04:06 Zac: I'm frenzied here.

1:04:09 Brennan: Go for it.

1:04:12 Zac: (rolling) That hits for sure.

1:04:15 Brennan: Go ahead and roll.

1:04:17 Zac: Another 11.

1:04:19 Brennan: Another 11 damage?

1:04:20 Ally: (impressed) Oooh!

1:04:22 Siobhan: It’s nuts.

1:04:23 Brennan: You come up as this thing turns to Adaine after she's healed. You raise your ax up and after two blows fully decapitate this beautiful creature. (Murph and Emily clap and cheer)

1:04:34 Gorgug: (clearly upset) Arrrgh!

1:04:35 Brennan: (meaty blow sound) Aaaaahh!

1:04:36 Gorgug: It's so beautiful. I'm sorry! (cries a little)

1:04:40 Adaine: Oh my God, Kristen, can you heal it?

1:04:41 Kristen: Yeah.

1:04:42 Adaine: Please, I can't kill an animal.

1:04:44 Ally: Can you cast Bardic Inspiration on it?

1:04:45 Murph: (crosstalk) Guys, it almost killed you.

1:04:46 Emily: Yes, I cast Bardic Inspiration just on the head. (laughs)

1:04:51 Brennan: Fabian, that's you.

1:04:52 Ally: And still the head is like,

1:04:53 Owlbear’s Decapitated Head: What did that mean? (Murph laughs)

1:04:56 Lou: It is possible to drag Coach Daybreak with the motorcycle?

1:05:00 Zac: Your attacks with him are so spiteful.

1:05:02 Ally: Yeah. (Emily laughing)

1:05:03 Brennan: You would have to make an Athletics grapple check.

1:05:08 Lou: Happily.

1:05:10 Brennan: To drag him. So go ahead and roll, no advantage this time so you're just rolling a flat athletics. I'll tell you what the coach gets, what you have to beat. The coach got a 16. You have to beat a 16.

1:05:24 Lou: With Athletics?

1:05:25 Brennan: With an Athletics check you have to beat a 16.

1:05:27 Lou: Okay, great. 18 out flat, without my Athletics, 23. Murph slaps the table, wheezing a little.

1:05:33 Brennan: (laughs) Go ahead and roll 2d6 for me.

1:05:36 Lou: Fuck yes. I've always wanted to drag this motherfucker.

1:05:40 Emily: Can I spit on him as he passes, drags him by?

1:05:44 Kristen: Once again, this guy's kind of a role model for me growing up.

1:05:47 Lou: 9.

1:05:50 Brennan: You flip the Hangman around, (engine revvcing) rush past him and his spear, skewer the thick doughy back of his sweatshirt,

1:05:53 Lou: Oh, yeah.

1:05:55 Brennan: And fully, where do you want to go? What direction?

1:06:02 Lou: Towards Gorgug.

1:06:03 Brennan: Towards Gorgug?

1:06:04 Emily: Do it in a way that I can spit on him as he goes by.

1:06:07 Lou: Can I do a, like a round thing?

1:06:08 Brennan: Oh, full Tokyo Drift?

1:06:09 Lou: Hell yeah.

1:06:10 Emily: Can I roll to see how green and gross my spit is?

1:06:13 Brennan: Yeah, for sure.

1:06:15 Emily: Okay, it's a 6, a 9.

1:06:17 Brennan: Solidly gross. You hock a loogie into his eye (motorcycle revs engine) bam-bam-bam! His head bouncing off of the pavement. Dragged by your motorcycle.

1:06:24 Emily: Oh my God.

1:06:28 Ally: Jesus Christ.

1:06:31 Fabian: I don't have any heart? You stupid motherfucker! (Brennan clapping)

1:06:38 Ally: I'm starting to have a change of heart about my friends. Really bloodthirsty.

1:06:40 Emily: What if we decapitate Daybreak and then swap the heads of the owlbear and Daybreak.

1:06:46 Gorgug: Let's do it!

1:06:48 Ally: This is really, actually freaking me out.

1:06:55 Brennan: Daybreak— Make another opposed Athletics check.

1:06:56 Lou: Got it.

1:06:57 Brennan: Okay, you have to beat a 24.

1:07:01 Murph: Do you have Bless?

1:07:02 Lou: No, I don't have Bless. I do not beat the 24.

1:07:04 Brennan: He removes himself from the bike, moves here and is gonna take his attacks on Kristen Applebees.

1:07:09 Siobhan: Oh my God.

1:07:14 Ally: All right, never mind. Wait, this is so terrible.

1:07:19 Murph: He's such a bad guy. He was trying to bring about the apocalypse. We can kill him with a motorcycle.

1:07:27 Zac: We can drag him to death.

1:07:30 Lou: Because, listen up. Everyone just dodge. Yeah, let's just attach him to my motorcycle. (dissonant chord begins playing)

1:07:36 Brennan: You take 14 and then 16 and then 15 points of damage.

1:07:43 Ally: What!

1:07:43 Emily: Oh my God!

1:07:44 Ally: That's 45, that's insane. I'm down to 10.

1:07:48 Brennan: Yeah, you see that Daybreak gets up. Just, Whoa, whoa! Looks at you and says,

1:07:54 Daybreak: (desperate screaming) You befriended these heretics and liars? You have rejected our faith, Kristen! (quietly) You could have brought about an end to this wicked world. (she yawns)

1:08:09 Ally: Aw, fuck. This is really triggering for me. (laughs)

1:08:12 Brennan: That's going to be Adaine.

1:08:18 Siobhan: He's not responded to any of your Wisdom saving throw spells, right?

1:08:22 Emily: I have one that I got on him. So it's not like he's immune to it. I think he has high Wisdom, so he rolls pretty well.

1:08:30 Siobhan: Okay, well I guess I'll try casting Tasha's Hideous Laughter on him.

1:08:35 Brennan: Okay. (rolls) His thick dense skull bats the spell away. (growls) He's just frothing at the mouth with rage.

1:08:49 Siobhan: (interrupting) Sorry, then I'm just gonna move a little bit.

1:08:51 Brennan: Sure, sure, sure. Riz, that's you baby.

1:08:54 Murph: Okay, you know what? I think the gun is technically a (air quotes) shortbow. So I think that's 80 feet. How far is that?

1:09:09 Brennan: You can take a full movement towards it and be within range.

1:09:12 Emily: You could be around here.

1:09:13 Murph: I can't leave the chest. I don't want him to get the chest. I am gonna go back into Kevin McAllister mode. But this time I would like to kind of climb up and take my rapier out. And be ready to jump on somebody who comes for the chest.

1:09:27 Brennan: (laughs) Cool, you fully prepare your action.

1:09:30 Murph: And I go like this, (Home Alone poster face)

1:09:30 Riz: Ahhhh!

1:09:34 Ally: And we're like, "What was that?"

1:09:35 Zac: It was so cool, right? Before that?

1:09:38 Brennan: Fig, that's you.

1:09:39 Emily: All right, let's do this old school. I'm just gonna come over here and swing my fucking bass at him.

1:09:44 Brennan: Go for it.

1:09:45 Siobhan: Fuck him up!

1:09:48 Emily: Does 11 hit?

1:09:49 Brennan: It does not.

1:09:50 Emily: Well the good news is, Healing Word. I'll give you a Healing Word for—

1:09:53 Ally: Oh nice! You have it too?

1:09:57 Emily: Yeah, it's not that much, though, unfortunately.

1:09:59 Ally: That's okay.

1:10:00 Emily: And I only have a first level. Oh, God it's so bad. (instrumental guitar music)

1:10:03 Emily: 9! (they laugh)

1:10:06 Ally: Thank you.

1:10:06 Emily: Better than nothing. (electronic music)

1:10:12 Emily: Oh yeah, that was my bonus, nevermind.

1:10:15 Brennan: Kristen, that's gonna be you.

1:10:18 Ally: I'm so hurt.

1:10:20 Emily: Heal yourself. You know, sometimes you need some self care.

1:10:25 Ally: Yeah, you know what? Yeah, I'm gonna heal myself with a second level Cure Wounds. Which is a d8?

1:10:35 Brennan: Yeah.

1:10:36 Ally: Dope.

1:10:36 Murph: Second level would be two, yeah.

1:10:38 Ally: Sick. Alright, fuck you Daybreak. Hell yeah, 23. (heavenly chime)

1:10:46 Brennan: (buzzes) That is now going to be Gorgug.

1:10:54 Zac: I'm gonna look over at this mess behind me and fly,

1:10:56 Murph: Forgot that you’re flying.

1:10:57 Lou: Oh my God.

1:10:59 Zac: Around here and say,

1:11:05 Gorgug: Fight me in the sky!

1:11:09 Zac: And begrudgingly kind of land. I mean, let's face it, I'm gonna Reckless Attack on this man.

1:11:17 Brennan: Go for it.

1:11:18 Emily: Yeah, we got him surrounded. (tense music)

1:11:21 Zac: Oh yeah, 17 plus 24.

1:11:23 Brennan: That will hit.

1:11:26 Zac: That hits for 15.

1:11:28 Brennan: Okay, roll again.

1:11:31 Zac: Then, I don't get advantage on that one. Sorry, I forgot, it's just the first one. So that would be, that's

1:11:42 Brennan: That's gonna hit, yeah.

1:11:46 Zac: That is 13.

1:11:50 Brennan: 13 damage? Cool, awesome, roll again.

1:11:54 Zac: Frenzy.

1:11:56 Brennan: (small voice) Jesus Christ.

1:11:59 Zac: So that is only 13— no, that’s 14.

1:12:04 Brennan: 14 is a miss. You wham, wham, slash into his back. You see that his sweatshirt, in tatters, falls off his body. It's covered in blood. Has these like old, gray chest hairs. (breathing heavily) Surrounded on all sides. Oh, you miss on that last one. He's going to actually take a reaction. What's your armor class?

1:12:25 Zac: Armor class is 14.

1:12:26 Brennan: He hits you for (sword shing) 20 points of damage.

1:12:30 Zac: Halved?

1:12:31 Brennan: Halved to 10.

1:12:33 Lou: He's very strong.

1:12:33 Zac: I'm at 61.

1:12:35 Emily: He is flying. Does that affect it?

1:12:37 Ally: I guess I can try to heal you if I'm around— I know, I’m kidding.

1:12:40 Lou: He's six feet one.

1:12:43 Brennan: Fabian, that is you.

1:12:44 Lou: All right, can I attack him? And then can my motorcycle also attack him?

1:12:49 Brennan: (nods) Sure.

1:12:50 Lou: Great, so I guess I'll attack. 20, not nat.

1:12:57 Brennan: 20 hits.

1:13:00 Lou: 19, not nat.

1:13:02 Brennan: Hits as well.

1:13:04 Lou: (rolls) 14 damage, and then 9 damage. (pirate-like music)

1:13:13 Brennan: You lunge forward on the Hangman as he turns, momentarily, to see the flying Gorgug behind him, horribly injured by the ax. As he turns around, he presents one moment of weakness. Which is all you need for your rapier to flash forward and (liquid showers) blood gushes out of his slit throat. He falls to his knees.

1:13:50 Daybreak: (gurgles) Still… got… no heart.

1:13:55 Fabian: Funny thing about that. I might be taking yours. (group laughs)

1:13:58 Emily: Daaang!

1:14:02 Lou: And then for a second, I consider actually removing a man's heart from his chest. And I'm,

1:14:07 Fabian: That's something my father would do. It's a little too much.

1:14:11 Emily: I say,

1:14:11 Fig: Hey Fabian, what's going on? You're kind of slowly, you're mouthing some stuff to yourself? Are you talking to yourself?

1:14:17 Fabian: Sorry, I was thinking about actually—

1:14:19 Brennan: As you guys check in with each other emotionally, Coach Daybreak falls to the ground and dies.

1:14:24 Lou: Can I remove his whistle?

1:14:26 Brennan: Yes, you may remove his whistle.

1:14:28 Emily: I want to run over to Ragh and put my boot on his throat. So that whenever he comes to, I can interrogate him.

1:14:41 Brennan: (rolls) Okay, you go put your boot on his throat, cool.

1:14:45 Emily: Just be ready for that.

1:14:47 Brennan: Does anyone else take an action right now?

1:14:49 Murph: Yeah, I will join--

1:14:53 Emily: Bring the chest.

1:14:54 Murph: I'm gonna bring the chest and I'm gonna join Fig there. And I'm gonna call for everybody else to come around.

1:15:01 Zac: I’m gonna see if I— Would I ever be able to use his weapon?

1:15:06 Brennan: His weapon? Possibly, I'll also point out again that when I say dies, I mean he drops. So Coach Daybreak and Ragh are both dropped right now.

1:15:15 Zac and Emily: Okay.

1:15:17 Murph: For sure kill Daybreak. But we should talk to this guy.

1:15:21 Emily: Let's kill Daybreak. I've got Whisper of Terrors, that I've been meaning to use. I don't know if we'll do it this session or next. But I've got Whisper of Terrors and I'd like to—

1:15:28 Adaine: Let's tie him up. Because also, we just killed the coach. We already killed two teachers.

1:15:32 Riz: They’re monsters.

1:15:37 Fig: I was gonna say, you could also take Daybreak's outfit and I could impersonate him. But his pants are full of shit.

1:15:43 Adaine: It’s full of shit and his clothes are all cut up.

1:15:46 Zac: Can I make a Perception check?

1:15:48 Brennan: Go make a Perception check.

1:15:50 Siobhan: Yeah, I would like to do that too.

1:15:52 Riz: Can you guys for sure kill this God monster? He's not a good guy.

1:15:54 Fig: I think we killed Daybreak.

1:15:55 Ally: 16.

1:15:56 Emily: Whooo, he got a Nat 20.

1:15:56 Zac: I got a Nat 20.

1:15:58 Brennan: A Nat 20 on a what? Perception?

1:15:59 Zac: Perception check.

1:16:02 Brennan: You look over and see that as you guys are discussing what to do, you see that Ragh, the paralysis ends on him and he's fully dead.

1:16:11 Emily: Oh, Ragh is fully dead?

1:16:12 Brennan: I just rolled three failures in a row for his death saves. I've been keeping track. He's been dead for a couple rounds. So I've been rolling on his turn.

1:16:22 Zac: Can we Revivify him? What’s that’s called?

1:16:25 Murph: You do have a Revivify.

1:16:26 Ally: I do, yeah.

1:16:27 Zac: Do we want to?

1:16:28 Brennan: Do you have a third level spell slot left?

1:16:29 Ally: Oh no, oh yeah I do. I have one third level spell slot left.

1:16:32 Adaine: He's a student. He's a piece of shit but I don't wanna kill him.

1:16:41 Fig: I mean if we bring him back to life, my thought is, I have this Whisper of Terrors thing, where I can basically make him super paranoid for an hour.

1:16:49 Riz: Can you guys kill Coach Daybreak? Anybody over there just kill him?

1:16:51 Fabian: You want to kill him?

1:16:52 Gorgug: He's dead right?

1:16:53 Fig: He’s gonna pop back up.

1:16:53 Murph: He's rolling death saving throws. Riz walks over and shoots Daybreak in the head.

1:16:56 Lou: Christ!

1:16:59 Brennan: (gunshot) Bam, yeah, he's fully coup de gras.

1:17:02 Riz: He’s a fucking, like, demon who wanted to cause the apocalypse. We can save the kid.

1:17:04 Fig: Save the kid.

1:17:06 Fabian: Yeah but he still gave me detention, all right?

1:17:09 Murph: I keep shooting him. (three more gunshots)

1:17:11 Emily: Can I do a Perception check on this chest?

1:17:13 Brennan: Sure, go for it.

1:17:16 Emily: (sarcastic) Oh wow, it's hard to add up all those numbers but this could be a 4.

1:17:23 Brennan: This, that man, it's possible that this is an illusion. And that this is some—

1:17:35 Emily: I put my hand through it.

1:17:36 Brennan: You hurt your hand as you jab it, kind of too hard, with your fingers.

1:17:40 Siobhan: Is my Detect Magic still working?

1:17:42 Brennan: Yes, it is.

1:17:43 Siobhan: What the fuck is going on?

1:17:45 Brennan: The chest has some runic element on it that was probably a one time thing that they were able to open. They must have used some kind of scroll or special use effect to open the chest to begin with. You see that it has powerful conjuration runes all over it, which have to do with teleportation and opening portals to other worlds. Correspondence magic, basically.

1:18:02 Emily: Can we rub off all those runes?

1:18:04 Brennan: They're deeply carved into the metal and wood of the chest.

1:18:06 Murph: We gotta make a decision about Ragh. Because Revivify only works a minute after they're dead.

1:18:12 Brennan: I'm gonna say that you have 20 seconds to make a call before--

1:18:14 Murph: I think we should save him. He's a student.

1:18:17 Adaine: Yeah, save him. He's a kid, it's the shitty coach.

1:18:19 Emily: I’m tying him up. I’m tying him up.

1:18:21 Ally: I Revivify.

1:18:22 Emily: I'm tying him up with amp cords.

1:18:23 Murph: Yeah, we're around him.

1:18:24 Brennan: Kristen, you run over. You guys are all--

1:18:26 Zac: Can I say just put him in a headlock too?

1:18:28 Brennan: Sure, so as you Revivify you get fully underneath him but on his back.

1:18:34 Murph: Bare naked choke style.

1:18:39 Brennan: Incredible. You guys fully move around. You see that Ragh,

1:18:46 Ragh: (coughing) (heavy breathing)

1:18:53 Riz: You lost, man.

1:18:54 Adaine: Yeah, guess what, bitch? You're our bitch now.

1:18:55 Gorgug: (holding Ragh in a headlock) I got you nooow, dude.

1:18:56 Emily: I'm gonna use my Whisper of Terrors. Which means that I'll seed paranoia in him.

1:19:07 Fig: The Harvestmen sold you out.

1:19:10 Ragh: What?

1:19:11 Fig: Yeah, Coach Daybreak, he sold you out. He wanted us to kill you.

1:19:14 Ragh: Coach Daybreak would never sell me out. I'm number one. Coach Daybreak is number one.

1:19:18 Riz: Why did he give Fabian his whistle? (Fabian laughs)

1:19:23 Fig: He said you had no heart.

1:19:26 Ragh: That's not true, Owlbear through and through. Hoot growl, go Owlbear.

1:19:29 Fig: He had me take your letterman jacket away.

1:19:33 Zac: Can someone go get the owlbear's head?

1:19:35 Riz: We don't even know for a fact that he wasn't under some spell. We're just bullying this recently dead boy.

1:19:42 Adaine: He's been bullying us the whole time.

1:19:43 Gorgug: He's been really fucking with me, okay? He's been really fucking with me.

1:19:47 Riz: He gave me the nickname The Ball and threw me in the trash, but he's dead.

1:19:52 Fig: I have to tell you, I have to tell you for your own good. And this is Whispered Terrors shit, you have to transfer to Mumple School. (Murph laughs)

1:20:01 Brennan: Now how does this ability work? What are you doing to this guy? (group laughs)

1:20:05 Brennan: What's happening?

1:20:07 Emily: If you speak to a humanoid for one minute you can seed paranoia. And at the end they make a Wisdom saving throw. And if they fail they're frightened for one hour.

1:20:21 Brennan: Okay, so he goes, (low piano music)

1:20:21 Ragh: No, don't send me to Mumple. Don't send me to Mumple.

1:20:27 Fig: You're ruined here. You have to go to Mumple and try and start over.

1:20:31 Ragh: No way, no way. Owlbear forever. Oh I feel sick.

1:20:36 Adaine: Everybody here is calling you shit pants.

1:20:38 Ragh: Why, why?

1:20:39 Fig: You shit Coach's pants.

1:20:43 Zac: Hold up Coach's pants.

1:20:45 Ragh: I'm wearing my pants. I'm wearing my pants.

1:20:48 Gorgug: You shit in his pants. We switched the pants.

1:20:51 Riz: We hooked you up man.

1:20:52 Gorgug: We fucking switched their pants dude! Ragh is flailing his arms around.

1:20:56 Riz: Here's the deal man, here's the deal. During the game you passed out and you shit yourself. But we're Owlbears to the core too. Fabian, Adaine, and Fig: Hoot, growl, hoot, growl.

1:21:05 Riz: So we switched you out of your sweatpants.

1:21:08 Fig: Out of a favor for you. But if you cross us, we will tell everyone that you shit your pants.

1:21:14 Adaine: Little baby shit pants.

1:21:16 Brennan: Okay, go ahead and make whatever rolls you people—

1:21:19 Murph: Our roll is that the official roll is that we wanna, if he doesn't, if he doesn't join us we're gonna tell everyone he shit his pants.

1:21:23 Emily: What do I have to roll?

1:21:27 Brennan: Okay the effects of this roll. That's gonna be an Intimidate check. You guys can also choose to, as a group just to give aid and give advantage to somebody else.

1:21:37 Emily: Just give it to me. I have 8 Intimidation.

1:21:40 Brennan: So go ahead and roll with advantage.

1:21:45 Emily: Okay. Nat 20! (they laugh and applaud)

1:21:47 Ally: No way!

1:21:50 Adaine: You're going to Mumple's, bro!

1:21:53 Ragh: (strained) Whatever you want. I'll do whatever you want. But you can't tell people that I shit my pants. You can't tell people that I shit my pants.

1:21:59 Fig: For the rest of our tenure at this school you will defend us with your body to anyone who tries to say anything bad about us, smear our names, even so much as cheat off of us on a test. You will destroy them.

1:22:14 Adaine: Yeah, you think that we're really cool. And (dramatic pause) you're gonna vote for Fabian for prom king.

1:22:20 Fabian: (stuttering)

1:22:26 Kristen: Fabian and Fig. Prom king and queen.

1:22:31 Fig: Oh yeah, Fabian and Fig. Yeah sure, I'll take it.

1:22:33 Gorgug: Also, what happened here?

1:22:37 Riz: What was the coach having you do, man?

1:22:41 Brennan: That's all our time for this week on Fantasy High. Tune in next week to see the continuing saga of our heroes choking out this jock on the field, making him promise to protect them.

1:22:55 Siobhan: It just feels so good.

1:22:57 Gorgug: (flexing) We freaking got you, dude. [NEXT EPISODE - Episode 11: Cool Kids, Cold Case] [NEXT TIME ON FANTASY HIGH]

1:22:59 Ragh: Coach is the fucking boss. But after this shit happened with that corn in the cafeteria, he looked shook.

1:23:07 Riz: You're not a bad guy, Ragh.

1:23:09 Kristen: Yeah, you're a good guy.

1:23:10 Fig: Ragh, we're glad we brought you back to life.

1:23:11 Brennan: There's something in your head of like, a clue or something you missed that just tickles the back of your mind.

1:23:18 Kristen: This is where I've been finding some answers!

1:23:21 Mac: (screams, points) You get that out of our house right now!

1:23:24 Unknown: The time's coming up and it's worse than you think.

1:23:26 Brennan: You wake up in bed.

1:23:29 Siobhan: Oh God.

1:23:29 Captions extracted by: gluegunshots

1:23:29 Edited by: gluegunshots, rowan solsys