Under Pressure

0:00:19 Fantasy High: Junior Year Emily Axford as Fig Faeth; Zac Oyama as Gorgug Thistlespring; Siobhan Thompson as Adaine Abernant; Lou Wilson as Fabian Seacaster; Ally Beardsley as Kristen Applebees; and Brian “Murph” Murphy as Riz Gukgak Episode 4: Under Pressure < [Previous Episode] | [Next Episode] >

0:00:34 Content Warning: implied mind control, gore [Intro Theme]

0:00:49 Brennan: Hello, one and all! Welcome back to another thrilling episode of "Dimension 20: Fantasy High Junior Year." I'm your humble dungeon master, Brennan Lee Mulligan. With me, as always, are our Intrepid Heroes. Say hi, Intrepid Heroes!

0:00:58 Players: [covering their faces] Hi, Intrepid Heroes!

0:01:02 Brennan: Ooh, it's like they're shy.

0:01:03 Lou: Oh, are we shy? Sorry, I was dramatic.

0:01:05 Emily: You started the shy.

0:01:06 Lou: No, because I was gonna come out!

0:01:07 Zac: Episode four of every season, we're shy.

0:01:08 Ally: Can you do that one more time?

0:01:09 Emily: Yeah, one more time. One more time.

0:01:09 Brennan: Sure. [TV test pattern pops up with a beep]

0:01:12 Brennan: And with me, as always, are our Intrepid Heroes. [more quietly] Say hi, Intrepid Heroes.

0:01:15 Players: [all bunched together trying to hide behind their hands, voices high pitched] Hi, Intrepid Heroes.

0:01:15 Brennan: Are you guys shy?

0:01:18 Lou: Yeah.

0:01:18 Murph: Shy Intrepid Heroes.

0:01:20 Emily: Shy Intrepid... [laughing]

0:01:24 Brennan: Always the worst when an adult openly accused you of being shy. Are you shy? Are you shy right now?

0:01:31 Ally: Oh yeah.

0:01:31 Zac: My thought is always, you fucking go to hell.

0:01:36 Brennan: You go straight to hell for pointing this out.

0:01:38 Zac: As a four year old, I'm like...

0:01:40 Brennan: Last we left off, it was day one of junior year for the Bad Kids back at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. And one by one, they showed up for a brand new day of classes, having discovered all about the Multi-Class Achievement Test, AKA MCAT, from some night-long investigations by none other than Riz Gukgak who, knowing that his friends needed some academic achievement and extracurriculars to get back on the board, agreed to sign up our own Kristen Applebees to run for class president.

0:02:12 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:02:13 Brennan: Running during her junior year to ascend to take the office potentially in senior year. However, another student, Kipperlilly Copperkettle, a halfling rogue who apparently found the rogue professor, thereby acing her entire junior year, first thing, first day, is also running for student government as well, a member of the Rat Grinders, another adventuring party of juniors—

0:02:38 Emily: Rat Grinders.

0:02:38 Siobhan: I hate it. It's disgusting.

0:02:41 Ally: I don't get it.

0:02:42 Brennan: ...at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, including none other than Ruben, who is the front man of some kind of emo band that did the song of the summer, which, I don't know if we ever got a title for it.

0:02:54 Emily: Yeah, can I have a title for that?

0:02:57 Lou: It's got a bunch of nasty lyrics.

0:02:58 Brennan: Oh. "In Space, No One Can Feel You Dying."

0:03:01 Emily: Goddammit! Goddammit!

0:03:05 Brennan: Goddammit!

0:03:07 Murph: It's good. It's really good.

0:03:07 Brennan: It's really fucking good. Also, we had a bunch of our students that wanted to multiclass get into that. Fig found out that the warlock classes meet at night and attended her first bard class with Lucilla Lullaby.

0:03:23 Emily: Lucilla got me in.

0:03:23 Lou: I'm proud of you.

0:03:24 Brennan: As Fig and as Wanda Childa. Pursued for a brief moment by Agent Clark of the Council—

0:03:33 Emily: Not all who Wanda are lost.

0:03:33 Brennan: Not all who Wanda are lost. We also saw Fabian join a bard class for the first time and multiclass. Got a signature— on a got a signature from Terpsichore Skullcleaver who also recommended that he get another signature, in which case he will be allowed to multiclass, from Corsica Jones.

0:03:56 Zac: Must be nice.

0:03:58 Brennan: Must be nice, 'cause our friend Gorgug did not get permission from Porter—

0:04:03 Zac: What's going on with that?

0:04:04 Brennan: ...to take the MCAT.

0:04:04 Zac: Thank you.

0:04:06 Brennan: Did not get permission from Porter to take the MCAT, and was told to go talk to Henry the artificer teacher.

0:04:10 Emily: You say the word, I'll take on Porter 1v1.

0:04:14 Siobhan: 2v1, I'm there! Avengers assemble!

0:04:17 Zac: I believe you, and that's why I'm not going to.

0:04:22 Brennan: Also, we saw that our new interim emergency backup principal Arcturus Grix, a construct created by Arthur Aguefort to run the academy in his absence. All of that unfolded. You had a little moment of trying to steal the letter from Jawbone, who let you know that Kipperlilly had asked some questions about Kristen already, and Kristen also had a conversation with her parents, Mac and Donna Applebees, as her younger brother Bucky went off to the first day of class as a freshman adventurer at Aguefort. Fabian was also told by Mazey, the current class president, that Jem Peppercorn graduated last year.

0:05:02 Siobhan: Dude ruled.

0:05:02 Brennan: Dude ruled. Jem Peppercorn, the kid from Prompocalypse who wouldn't leave when the dragon attacked.

0:05:07 Siobhan: Yeah, he was a super senior, right?

0:05:08 Brennan: Super senior, yeah.

0:05:09 Siobhan: Six years into high school.

0:05:11 Brennan: Six years into high school.

0:05:12 Zac: I'm picturing the kid from the Australian news segment.

0:05:14 Siobhan: Yes, absolutely!

0:05:15 Brennan: You got it. That's Jem Peppercorn. That is Jem Peppercorn to a T.

0:05:19 Zac: “I'm not gonna take off the glasses.”

0:05:20 Brennan: [Australian accent] I'm not taking off my glasses. Absolutely. I'm not leaving the gym when there still food in Prompocalypse. Also discovered that there's now a need for a new party house, and even though Fabian's a junior, I mean, the fact that you're a little older, you know, if you got Seacaster Manor, why wouldn't you have a party house?

0:05:39 Lou: Why not?

0:05:41 Siobhan: What's the drinking age in Solace, if you're a pirate?

0:05:43 Brennan: You guys have murdered so many people. I don't know about the drinking age.

0:05:47 Emily: I'm straight edge.

0:05:49 Brennan: You know what, for the hilarity of it, the drinking age in Solace is 21. 21 is the drinking age.

0:05:55 Lou: We'll figure it out.

0:05:55 Brennan: We'll figure it out.

0:05:56 Ally: Is Wanda straight edge?

0:05:59 Emily: No, Wanda drinks peach schnapps.

0:06:04 Brennan: We also met Cloaca, which is pretty huge. A lot happened last episode. Met Cloaca.

0:06:10 Ally: Chloe!

0:06:12 Zac: We created him.

0:06:12 Brennan: We created Cloaca last time.

0:06:14 Zac: For a bird, a little bit too big.

0:06:16 Brennan: A little bit too big for a bird.

0:06:17 Ally: The cloaca itself?

0:06:18 Brennan: We got some sandwiches in some trash bags from Lydia Barkrock.

0:06:22 Siobhan: Such a sweet lady.

0:06:22 Brennan: Such a sweet lady, with a demon in a shard of gemstone in her chest. And then, of course, Kristen went and talked to Yolanda, the cleric teacher, and had a meeting with none other than Cassandra.

0:06:37 Siobhan: Oopsie boopsie.

0:06:40 Brennan: With the reconstituted Kalina, and that's actually where we're going to go ahead and begin. Kristen, looking down into the lap of your goddess here, you see Kalina, having just addressed you by name, smiling back. Kalina, currently in an actual cat form. Four legs. Not humanoid like the last time you saw her. Cassandra pets her and smiles, and Cassandra looks up and says,

0:07:06 Cassandra: Um...

0:07:12 Kristen: Oh, her?

0:07:12 Cassandra: Yeah.

0:07:14 Kristen: Kalina?

0:07:14 Cassandra: Kalina, yeah.

0:07:16 Kristen: Kalina's here. That's Kalina, right?

0:07:19 Cassandra: Yeah, my familiar.

0:07:19 Kristen: Great.

0:07:21 Brennan: Kalina looks up at you and says,

0:07:21 Kalina: I'm not bad anymore. [players snickering skeptically]

0:07:28 Emily: Classic good person thing to say.

0:07:30 Ally: Classic thing a good person has to say!

0:07:30 Kristen: That's—

0:07:34 Kalina: I know I was bad the last time that we interacted, but I'm not bad anymore.

0:07:38 Kristen: Okay. What went into that?

0:07:41 Kalina: Well, I think you'll remember the last time you saw me, Cassandra was not herself.

0:07:50 Brennan: You see Cassandra sort of pets the cat and says,

0:07:52 Cassandra: You saved me from being the Nightmare King, and Kalina is bound to serve me. I mean, she's my familiar, so when I'm like this, you know, she's a good kitty.

0:08:09 Brennan: You see Kalina goes,

0:08:09 Kalina: Meow. [Emily guffaws]

0:08:13 Ally: Oh boy. Do I have a Detect Evil and Good? [nervous laughter] I don't think I do. Okay, yeah, can I just pet her? Can I pet her little head?

0:08:25 Brennan: Yeah, give me Animal Handling.

0:08:27 Ally: All right, great.

0:08:28 Emily: Wait, that's gonna be Wisdom-based, I think.

0:08:30 Ally: That's a 12.

0:08:31 Murph: Got to let them approach you.

0:08:35 Brennan: She doesn't give you her head. She sort of intercepts and sniffs your fingers.

0:08:38 Kalina: [sniffing]

0:08:41 Kristen: That's a big trash bag sandwich.

0:08:44 Kalina: Sorry?

0:08:45 Kristen: Before you say it, I'd like to kinda beat you to the punch there. I know it smells like a sub that was given to me in a trash bag.

0:08:53 Kalina: Hm. Gotcha. So, what is sort of the plan for—

0:08:59 Ally: Can I make another attempt?

0:08:59 Brennan: Yeah, make another attempt.

0:09:02 Ally: 16.

0:09:03 Brennan: She bats your hand.

0:09:03 Kristen: Ow!

0:09:06 Kalina: I'm good, thank you.

0:09:06 Emily: [laughing] High DC for cats.

0:09:09 Kalina: I'm good.

0:09:09 Zac: [to Emily] 30.

0:09:10 Brennan: You see she says,

0:09:10 Kalina: So... Happy to exist again. Thank you for reconstituting me. You know, as a familiar, I can die and be recreated. I'm sure you've seen Boggy and Baby come back many, many times. So it's good to be back. Kristen, as the prophet of my goddess and my mistress, the one whose very creation is the essence of my being, what's the plan?

0:09:39 Kristen: You're catching me on my left foot here, gato.

0:09:43 Emily: The left foot?

0:09:46 Kristen: This is a great moment for all of us to put our heads together, I think. Are you [clicks tongue] in the real world as well? Or are you kind of chilling here for a bit?

0:09:58 Kalina: Well, Kristen, that sort of all depends on you, doesn't it? 'Cause that's sort of what clerics do, right? Is they manifest divine will in the actual world. If gods could just walk the world freely, probably wouldn't need clerics.

0:10:13 Kristen: Yeah, I agree. So, what are we trying to push out there?

0:10:21 Kalina: So right now, the amount of people that would need to die in order for me and my goddess to stop existing is two people.

0:10:34 Kristen: Me and who?

0:10:35 Kalina: Craig.

0:10:35 Kristen: And Craig.

0:10:36 Kalina: How's Craig? You keeping up with Craig?

0:10:39 Kristen: I saw that he liked something on Instagram.

0:10:42 Kalina: Okay, Craig's 100 percent of your flock. You're a shepherd with one sheep.

0:10:46 Kristen: That's interesting. Not for long.

0:10:49 Kalina: Now that's exciting to hear, Kristen. That's really exciting to hear.

0:10:53 Kristen: Just one really quick point of clarification. If me and Craig were to pass, you would come into the world? Is that what you were saying?

0:11:03 Kalina: Oh, no no no. We'd come into a different world. Well, Cassandra—

0:11:07 Kristen: Oh, you would go off to—

0:11:10 Kalina: Cassandra would die.

0:11:10 Kristen: I see what you're saying. Yes, we are holding you from oblivion, and we're just kinda not doing a very good job right now. That's what you're kinda trying to tell me.

0:11:19 Kalina: I don't know how much more clear...

0:11:20 Brennan: You see that Cassandra says,

0:11:20 Cassandra: Shh, shh, shh.

0:11:22 Ally: Yeah.

0:11:23 Cassandra: Look, there's a lot of ways for— [die clatters]

0:11:25 Ally: [reaching a hand over with the intent to try petting Kalina again] Nat 20.

0:11:25 Brennan: Nat 20? Kalina gives you…

0:11:32 Kalina: Don't do circles. [Kristen shushing and petting]

0:11:35 Kalina: You know, actually just get under there. Get under the cheek and scratch. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

0:11:40 Brennan: You see that Cassandra says,

0:11:40 Cassandra: Kalina's obviously, she's a good kitty, and she's trying to protect me. But the important thing is, there's other options. Kristen, if you don't like me, I have offers.

0:11:59 Brennan: You see she reaches in and takes some scrolls. She takes a scroll out that you can see has beautiful gilded Sylvan imagery on it and opens it up, which is an invitation from the Autumn Court of the Feywild to stop being a goddess and become an archfey. [instrumental turns thoughtful]

0:12:18 Cassandra: Sometimes you retire. Sometimes you become an archfey or an archdevil. You know, if you're a god, there's other... [sighs] If you think things are not going to go your way, there's ways you can throw the towel in a little bit.

0:12:38 Kristen: Kinda like in politics. You can just become a lobbyist.

0:12:40 Cassandra: Honestly, yeah. Yeah, for sure. I do believe in you.

0:12:44 Kristen: I just wanna say, you're definitely something that I really believe in. I think you're a hard pill to swallow, but that's what I'm looking for, 'cause I think it's really true. [Cassandra covers her face]

0:12:58 Kristen: Yeah. Eleventh hour.

0:13:02 Brennan: Kalina says,

0:13:05 Kalina: [disbelieving laugh] Hard pill to swallow, yeah.

0:13:09 Kristen: I'm serious, I think—

0:13:10 Kalina: You know if we were a company, you're sales, right?

0:13:13 Kristen: Yes, yes, I know. Yeah, but that's a great way to put it, 'cause I think in the world, people are looking for something really convenient and something sales pitchy, and this goes much deeper than that, so I think, you know—

0:13:27 Kalina: Right.

0:13:29 Kristen: The portion of people who are open to this kind of an idea is already a little bit smaller.

0:13:36 Brennan: Give me an Insight check. [die clatters] [thoughtful instrumental continues]

0:13:40 Ally: Okay? That's a 24.

0:13:44 Brennan: When you say, "Something a little bit deeper," you see a softness in Cassandra's expression as you say something that you don't think she disagrees with, necessarily. Kalina narrows her eyes and says,

0:14:01 Kalina: Okay, all right. So, you work on the sort of “hard pill to swallow, challenging, this is gonna ask a lot of you” sales pitch. That sounds great, for you to focus on that. And then I think I'll probably take an angle that is like, “Do you want to wield the power of night itself and be as mysterious as the shadow to bedevil your foes?” See how that kind of—

0:14:30 Kristen: Yeah, that definitely circumvents the truth in a cool way. I like what you did there.

0:14:33 Brennan: You see Cassandra says,

0:14:37 Cassandra: I only have two people helping me, and they shouldn't fight.

0:14:38 Kristen: Okay, got it.

0:14:40 Cassandra: I guess Craig is also helping, but Craig's not here right now.

0:14:43 Kristen: Craig's really easygoing. I love working with Craig.

0:14:47 Siobhan: Craig is just a Kristen fan. Wherever Kristen's religion is—

0:14:50 Kristen: God, I love Craig.

0:14:50 Brennan: Someone who's like, if you had a Patreon, it would be like, "I don't really care about what god you have. I'm really more about you as a cleric."

0:14:56 Ally: I'm about you, yeah.

0:14:56 Brennan: “I support you as a creator. It's not project-based for me.” You see that Kalina says,

0:15:03 Kalina: Well, you know, we can massage the truth after it's like 10 followers, you know? Something a little bit less instantly killable. You know what I mean? Maybe then we hash out those kind of pillars.

0:15:19 Brennan: You see Cassandra says,

0:15:19 Cassandra: Kristen, you have a lot of stuff going on in your life. Just let me know when you have the bandwidth to make this—

0:15:32 Kristen: I have it right now. I really do. Really, it's you and my candidacy, and that is with a small C. The you has a big Y.

0:15:43 Brennan: Cassandra, once again, her face sinks. Kalina goes,

0:15:46 Kalina: Mistress, we can't interfere in the material world of Spyre, but your worship is just based on mortal beings. There are mortals that are not in the material world of Spyre. We could absolutely go find followers without needing to further burden Kristen with the terrible weight of responsibility.

0:16:15 Kristen: I don't agree with that. I'm sorry. I'm saying that you're a big... You're the meat on my plate, okay? And the veggies are my bid for president. But you're the meat, mama. Okay? I don't know how else I can say this, okay?

0:16:37 Kalina: You don't know how you can say it other than "meat, mama?"

0:16:40 Kristen: Yeah!

0:16:40 Emily: The meat mama?

0:16:43 Brennan: Cassandra looks at you. Cassandra looks at you and just goes,

0:16:46 Cassandra: Okay. Actually, you know what would be really wonderful? Hey, why not both, you know? If you have a strategy, that's great. Kalina has a strategy. It doesn't sound like they're at odds. It sounds like you have stuff that you wanna do, and Kalina wants to do.

0:17:07 Kristen: Mine is about the beauty of how little control we actually have, and hers is about utmost harnessing as much control for yourself as you possibly can.

0:17:17 Brennan: Give me another Insight check.

0:17:20 Ally: 26.

0:17:23 Brennan: Cassandra tries to process that what you're saying is true and really doesn't want to die.

0:17:30 Ally: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

0:17:30 Brennan: You see that Kalina goes,

0:17:34 Kalina: Kristen, I don't think we're at odds here. Look, let's just talk about something simple, all right? I’m— Ally reaches their hand out.

0:17:39 Kalina: Are you trying to scratch me again?

0:17:41 Kristen: Of course not.

0:17:41 Kalina: Can I scratch you?

0:17:43 Kristen: Please don't.

0:17:43 Kalina: Okay. I have before. [players oohing]

0:17:49 Ally: Oh my gosh!

0:17:51 Emily: Ooh!

0:17:52 Lou: Spicy.

0:17:53 Emily: Honestly, good to have Kalina back, kinda, a little bit.

0:17:57 Ally: A little pepper in the soup.

0:17:57 Brennan: A little pepper in the soup! Ooh, that soup is seasoned! You see that Kalina just goes,

0:18:06 Kalina: There are a number of extradimensional spaces in and around Spyre that are not the material world itself that have mortals in them. They just built a mall in the Synod of Spyre, the Wizard Citadel, so that's a place that you can go find, you know.

0:18:21 Brennan: You see Cassandra says,

0:18:21 Cassandra: Yeah, wizards! Wizards are like... Do you feel like that's a market we're not exploring? Wizards... think about, “Oh, you're doing magic! Don't you want a god or a goddess to, you know, help?” I don't know, just if there's a pitch there. I don't know.

0:18:39 Kristen: Yeah, I love this, and Cassandra, just to be completely honest with you, I dropped the ball in a major way. I don't even have paperwork showing that I follow you as a follower. I'm trying to rein everything back in. That's what I'm gonna do first thing tomorrow. So I'm going from 0 to 100, but you haven't even seen anything above zero yet. So yes, I have not thought about the untapped market of wizards yet, but I will.

0:19:06 Cassandra: 'Cause wizards love mystery, right? They love to solve problems.

0:19:07 Kristen: They love mystery. They're always wearing big cloaks. What's under there?

0:19:12 Cassandra: Yeah, they have stars on their hats! So many of them have stars on their hats, and I have stars in my body.

0:19:18 Kristen: I'm writing this down, I'm writing this down.

0:19:21 Brennan: You see Kalina goes,

0:19:21 Kalina: Cassandra, there's a lot of foot traffic in the synod on weekends, so this weekend we'll go, we'll do some pamphleting. We'll talk to some wizards. You don't need a human intermediary. You can just go.

0:19:36 Brennan: So Cassandra sort of smiles and says,

0:19:36 Cassandra: Well, this is great. We have a whole team going. Hooray, team!

0:19:42 Kristen: Great, great, great. I'm so sorry for hurting your feelings. I was so grouchy, and I'm really sorry about that.

0:19:53 Cassandra: You don't have to be sorry. Hey, not too many people believe in me, but I believe in you. You brought me back, and I know you've been having a hard time, but when you're in the dark, I'm there holding your hand, okay?

0:20:10 Kristen: Thanks. Thank you.

0:20:12 Brennan: She leans, gives you a kiss on the forehead, and you come back in your prayer room. As you do so, all the rest of our students, your various classes let out. [school bell rings]

0:20:21 Brennan: Does anyone do anything right after class lets out, or do you guys head to lunch?

0:20:24 Siobhan: I'm gonna call Aelwyn.

0:20:24 Brennan: Hell yeah. Call goes straight to voicemail, and you get a text back saying,

0:20:31 Aelwyn: In class looking after bozos, what's up?

0:20:36 Adaine: Don't even worry about it. I'll call you later.

0:20:38 Aelwyn: Okay, cool.

0:20:38 Adaine: Love you.

0:20:38 Adaine: Ah!

0:20:40 Siobhan: And then I delete love you. I don't feel like we're that demonstrative.

0:20:47 Brennan: Do you delete it after you send it?

0:20:49 Siobhan: Yeah, it says deleted text.

0:20:49 Brennan: Deleted text. You see that your phone starts to glow as Divination spells are coming in to be like, what the fuck did that text say?

0:21:01 Lou: I'll make a quick call. Can I pull out that business card?

0:21:04 Brennan: Yeah.

0:21:04 Lou: Just step outside real quick before I head in for lunch and give him a ring.

0:21:10 Ally: Which business card?

0:21:11 Lou: My parents gave me a business card about my trust 'cause I turned 18.

0:21:16 Mr. Hughes: Hello, this is Alston.

0:21:17 Fabian: Hi, Alston. This is Fabian Seacaster. Fabian Aramais Seacaster, son of Bill Seacaster.

0:21:26 Mr. Hughes: Fabian, hi.

0:21:26 Fabian: Yes.

0:21:28 Mr. Hughes: We've actually met before.

0:21:28 Fabian: Oh, really?

0:21:31 Mr. Hughes: I'm Mr. Hughes. We met a couple years ago. I was your father's banker.

0:21:36 Fabian: Oh yes, you were in a room with him back when my father was doing all that really sneaky stuff.

0:21:44 Mr. Hughes: Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, KVX, we've had a huge rebranding.

0:21:51 Fabian: Are you still called KVX?

0:21:53 Mr. Hughes: So that's, we have been going—

0:21:55 Fabian: Is it the same company?

0:21:57 Mr. Hughes: I am still with KVX Bank.

0:21:57 Fabian: Oh, okay.

0:22:00 Mr. Hughes: I am still with KVX Bank but, you know, we have changed our logo, so it is no longer red. It is actually blue now. [saxophone music] These kind of huge branding decisions, it goes through a lot of hoops.

0:22:14 Fabian: Like blue and red?

0:22:16 Mr. Hughes: That one was sort of emergency approved, but we had a council of seven bankers who were defeated in combat by the leaders of the Council of Chosen atop the central government building in Bastion City, and their ruin was smote upon the skyscraper, so we've had sort of a leadership replacement process.

0:22:41 Fabian: Got it, got it.

0:22:43 Mr. Hughes: But your account is safe and sound, and as we slowly kind of— you know, we're in a process with the insurance company that we work with disentangling Dragon Madness from most of our accounts.

0:22:54 Fabian: Yes.

0:22:56 Mr. Hughes: But we're very excited to do business, and we're very excited to do business with you. I understand that you are 18. Happy birthday, Mr. Seacaster.

0:23:05 Fabian: Oh, thank you. It was a couple of months back.

0:23:07 Mr. Hughes: Oh, okay. Understood, yes yes yes. So I have your trust here in front of me. What kind of questions can I answer for you?

0:23:13 Fabian: Yeah, so I mean, my lovely mother handed me this business card before she... I had just gotten back from saving the world, and she handed me this business card and then immediately left, so I'm not... I guess something about me being 18 means something has happened? So more, I'm calling to find out what I need to know now that I'm of age.

0:23:35 Mr. Hughes: Okay, so you have 20 million gold pieces in your trust.

0:23:40 Fabian: Yeah? I have... For who?

0:23:45 Mr. Hughes: Hm?

0:23:45 Fabian: For who?

0:23:47 Mr. Hughes: For you.

0:23:47 Fabian: They're mine? I have 20 million gold pieces?

0:23:52 Mr. Hughes: In a trust.

0:23:52 Fabian: In a trust.

0:23:54 Mr. Hughes: And it's structured.

0:23:54 Fabian: Uh-huh.

0:23:57 Mr. Hughes: We have an intermittent release provision, which is sometimes called a long shadow clause.

0:24:02 Fabian: Okay, yeah.

0:24:03 Mr. Hughes: Which basically means that the trust releases to you in certain amounts, and it was your father's wish.

0:24:10 Fabian: Mm-hmm.

0:24:11 Mr. Hughes: So that 20 million gold pieces is yours, but it's being released right now, essentially you have— about 5,000 gold pieces is released to you every month.

0:24:22 Fabian: Oh, okay. I'm not sure you heard, but my father's in Hell now, fighting the devil. Does that in any way change circumstances?

0:24:36 Mr. Hughes: Absolutely.

0:24:36 Fabian: Oh, okay.

0:24:39 Mr. Hughes: The term long shadow kind of comes from the shadow cast by the person who created the trust.

0:24:48 Fabian: We're really getting into it, man. I just wanna know, can I change—

0:24:51 Mr. Hughes: Okay, yeah.

0:24:51 Fabian: Yeah.

0:24:52 Mr. Hughes: Let's say you wanted to cash out the sum balance early.

0:24:55 Fabian: Yes.

0:24:56 Mr. Hughes: If you wanted to do that while you were still in high school or in a place of higher education, you could get 2 million released to you right away. And what would happen is that that other 18 million would go partially— so five percent of that would go to the bank.

0:25:11 Fabian: Okay.

0:25:11 Mr. Hughes: And then the rest of it, so the vast majority, would be given to your nemeses, your various enemies.

0:25:18 Fabian: Oh.

0:25:18 Mr. Hughes: Your father wanted to ensure that you made a name for yourself, right? He wanted to take care of you. So if you want 2 million gold pieces, we can clear that today.

0:25:29 Fabian: But then I have to give 18 million or some odd gold pieces to my nemesis?

0:25:34 Mr. Hughes: And there are certain yearly checkpoints. So if you make it out of school in four years on that 5,000 gold piece allowance, you can actually get— at that point it would be, with the interest rate, it would be about 8.9 million, and then only the other 10. Or sorry, it's actually about 9.6 or 9.7, and then the other 10 would go to nemeses. So it's a little more balanced if you wait a couple years after you graduate.

0:25:58 Fabian: How do you know who my nemeses are? Can I just tell you? Could I give you some names?

0:26:02 Fabian: We have a department—

0:26:02 Mr. Hughes: Oh.

0:26:03 Mr. Hughes: ...that's basically tracking who in Spyre has sworn vengeance on each other.

0:26:08 Fabian: After we're finished, can you transfer me to them so I can find out who's claiming me as a nemesis?

0:26:15 Mr. Hughes: Right now, we have a Chungledown Bim.

0:26:18 Lou: Oh, Jesus. Thousand yard stare.

0:26:22 Ally: 18 million?

0:26:24 Fabian: All right, cool. So we're not cashing out now. Okay. Okay. I thought about it, but then you said that name. I haven't thought about that name all summer. Okay, yes.

0:26:35 Mr. Hughes: But we would also, again, we would find— so it's proportional. Let's say you have a nemesis, but they have a henchperson that's always sworn vengeance against you. They get a proportional share of that, that's then put in a trust for them.

0:26:50 Fabian: Got it, got it.

0:26:51 Mr. Hughes: I can actually fax you over some of this information, if you want.

0:26:54 Fabian: Great, yes.

0:26:55 Mr. Hughes: Yeah, the finances. So I'm your banker. Do you have a CPA or a business manager or someone that you work with to kind of explain or walk you through?

0:27:05 Fabian: Not really. You know, I'm kind of a high school student. My father taught me many things. Few of them were about money, especially money gained by means other than murder, mayhem, and pillaging.

0:27:21 Mr. Hughes: Oh, understood. Well, you know, I worked with your father for a number of years. I actually was always amazed at how frugal he was.

0:27:30 Fabian: Really?

0:27:30 Mr. Hughes: Well, he was very proud— Your father was always more interested in making money, was my understanding.

0:27:35 Fabian: Yes.

0:27:36 Mr. Hughes: But most of the management of Seacaster Manor, I have here the proxies, which were one Hallariel Seacaster, and then a Cathilda Ceíli as well.

0:27:45 Fabian: Yes, yes.

0:27:47 Mr. Hughes: But yeah. So, 5,000 a month.

0:27:51 Fabian: Okay.

0:27:53 Mr. Hughes: Which is, you know, pretty—

0:27:53 Fabian: It's not bad.

0:27:56 Mr. Hughes: It's not bad.

0:27:56 Fabian: Not bad at all, I'll tell you.

0:27:58 Mr. Hughes: For a high school student. With the mortgage paid off on your house.

0:28:01 Fabian: Yes, all right.

0:28:02 Mr. Hughes: And obviously, with that trust, Seacaster Manor, all of your expenses, that's all walking around money. Everything else is covered by the estate.

0:28:11 Fabian: All right. This is all good news.

0:28:13 Mr. Hughes: Yeah, absolutely. Let me know about cashing out. Would you like Nemesis Alert?

0:28:18 Fabian: Yeah, I would love... That's a service?

0:28:20 Mr. Hughes: It's 240 gold pieces a month, and we let you know if anyone on your planet has sworn vengeance against you.

0:28:29 Fabian: You know, I'm gonna hold off on signing up for now. I feel pretty good. I know Chungledown Bim. There's probably a few Yorbies.

0:28:38 Mr. Hughes: Do you wanna free trial it?

0:28:40 Fabian: Oh, now, is it one of those things where if I forget to cancel, you charge me?

0:28:44 Mr. Hughes: Oh, Mr. Seacaster. We're gonna work well together. We're gonna work very well together.

0:28:51 Fabian: You have a great day, Mr. Hughes.

0:28:53 Mr. Hughes: Would you like Dragon Madness Alert?

0:28:55 Fabian: What's that?

0:28:56 Mr. Hughes: That's if any gold in your account has Dragon Madness.

0:28:58 Fabian: I think I had Dragon Madness a little bit ago, last year.

0:29:03 Mr. Hughes: Yes, okay.

0:29:03 Fabian: I had Dragon Madness.

0:29:04 Mr. Hughes: You know, I have to do it, 'cause we record these calls.

0:29:07 Fabian: Of course, of course.

0:29:07 Mr. Hughes: Absolutely. Okay.

0:29:09 Fabian: Okay, well, I'm gonna go eat a cafeteria lunch. I think we're having tuna today. But I'll talk to you soon, and yeah, you just... This is gonna be fun. This is gonna be fun!

0:29:20 Brennan: Absolutely. [music ends]

0:29:22 Brennan: You guys convene at lunch. There is a little elfin or fey, sort of like a fairytale goblin, gremlin, with a Peter Pan hat and ruffled shoulders who's prancing with curled shoes throughout the cafeteria. This is Simeon du Vayne, the lunch lad.

0:29:42 Simeon: Tuna and corn! Tuna and corn!

0:29:45 Brennan: And begins to sort of ladle it onto people's trays throughout.

0:29:48 Adaine: I don't love this guy's energy.

0:29:49 Fabian: Wow, I never thought I would say it, but I wish Gilear... I miss Gilear as our lunch lad.

0:29:54 Fig: Gilear was a much humbler lunch lad.

0:29:56 Riz: He is kinda making it all about him, and not about the tuna and corn.

0:29:59 Fabian: Yes, exactly.

0:30:00 Gorgug: I've never had this combination before. Tuna and corn?

0:30:03 Adaine: It's very wet. It's a very wet meal.

0:30:05 Gorgug: It's piles.

0:30:05 Kristen: It's dry. It's wet and dry.

0:30:09 Adaine: It looks wet, but it tastes dry.

0:30:12 Riz: Real quick, everybody,

0:30:14 Murph: I'm gonna really painstakingly send Messages to everyone and say,

0:30:18 Riz: Kipperlilly has been listening to us. [Adaine groans]

0:30:24 Riz: Did find out, my bad, that your god died. Apparently was listening in on us while we were talking in the parking lot before, so does have it out for us for some reason or another.

0:30:36 Adaine: What is her problem? I hate her.

0:30:39 Riz: Great question. Also, apparently Kipperlilly didn't find the rogue teacher. The rogue teacher found Kipperlilly, whatever that means.

0:30:48 Gorgug: Does that still count?

0:30:50 Adaine: Yeah, that sounds like cheating to me.

0:30:51 Riz: I don't know, but they saw each other.

0:30:54 Kristen: It seems like, could it have been in a weird way? It was a compromising way that the teacher found her?

0:31:05 Murph: Do we see Kipperlilly in the—

0:31:06 Brennan: Yeah, anyone who wants to actively look, give me a Perception check.

0:31:09 Murph: Can I use Investigate?

0:31:09 Brennan: Yeah, use Investigate.

0:31:12 Ally: Can I cast See Invisibility on myself?

0:31:14 Brennan: Sure.

0:31:14 Siobhan: I got a 24.

0:31:15 Brennan: 24.

0:31:15 Lou: I got a natural 20.

0:31:18 Murph: I just got a 16.

0:31:18 Emily: I got a nat one.

0:31:20 Brennan: Nat one, cool. I'll say on a nat 20, Fabian, you don't see Kipperlilly, but some twinge of some kind of sense.

0:31:29 Lou: Can I get my phone out and text my banker and say, “Can I sign up for that free trial of Nemesis Alert?”

0:31:37 Ally: I wrote it down! I was like, oh my god, this is such a fun mechanic.

0:31:40 Fabian: Hi, I'm so sorry, I was wrong. You know what? I take it back. I can afford it, let's do it. I still want the free trial, though.

0:31:49 Brennan: He says,

0:31:49 Mr. Hughes: Prudent financial decision. That's free, 30 days of Nemesis Alert.

0:31:54 Lou: Can I ask if anyone has recently labeled me a nemesis?

0:31:59 Brennan: You see he says,

0:31:59 Mr. Hughes: No nemesis swearings within the past 30 days. We have one alert for a “real sonuvabitch” from Duggan McCann.

0:32:13 Lou: Oh god.

0:32:15 Emily: Wow, Nemesis really needs to tweak its algorithm.

0:32:18 Gorgug: So someone labeled you a real son of a bitch?

0:32:21 Fabian: Yes, well, I'm sure, I think Duggan called us all real son of a bitches.

0:32:25 Siobhan: Would you consider lunch to be a short rest?

0:32:28 Brennan: Mm-hmm.

0:32:29 Siobhan: Great, then can I switch my Third Eye from the Ethereal Plane to being able to see invisible creatures and objects within 10 feet?

0:32:35 Brennan: You certainly can.

0:32:35 Siobhan: Great.

0:32:37 Brennan: Absolutely.

0:32:37 Siobhan: Can I see any invisible creatures within 10 feet of me?

0:32:40 Brennan: You cannot see any invisible creatures within 10 feet of you.

0:32:41 Siobhan: Great, can I just very casually take a little wander around the cafeteria and say hi to people that we haven't seen in a year?

0:32:49 Brennan: Yeah, absolutely.

0:32:49 Siobhan: Great. And look out for Kipperface Pennybottle.

0:32:54 Brennan: You look out for Kipperface Pennybottle.

0:32:56 Siobhan: I have an hour of See Invisibility. I just wanna...

0:32:59 Brennan: Hell yeah, awesome.

0:32:59 Ally: Lampshade that.

0:33:03 Fabian: Why would she not like us? I mean, what have we... I've never seen her before.

0:33:08 Fig: She's threatened by us.

0:33:10 Gorgug: What is a Rat Crusher?

0:33:10 Adaine: Rat Grinder.

0:33:13 Fig: Rat Grinder.

0:33:14 Fabian: I thought it was crusher as well.

0:33:16 Gorgug: Because I'm starting to get into machines, and I don't want one of those.

0:33:19 Fabian: Yes.

0:33:20 Fig: I mean, I can't help but think of when they do strikes, and they have that big inflatable rat.

0:33:25 Fabian: Oh, yes.

0:33:27 Adaine: What about the sexy rat? Maybe it has something to do with Zayn.

0:33:30 Fig: So it's like grinding. [does a little back and forth motion] [Adaine laughs]

0:33:35 Kristen: The rat grinder.

0:33:35 Fig: Good call, Adaine.

0:33:39 Fabian: Is it worth maybe asking around?

0:33:41 Gorgug: We don't know what their rep is.

0:33:43 Fabian: Exactly. We've been out of the game for a while. Maybe we test the scuttlebutt.

0:33:48 Fig: Let's try and see who's the rest of their adventuring party.

0:33:52 Brennan: You see, walking over, he's got a hat, this massive sweatshirt, still no pants, a loincloth, a big whistle, is Gorthalax the Insatiable.

0:34:00 Gorthalax: Hey, sweetheart! How's it going?

0:34:02 Fig: Hey, Dad! What's up!

0:34:03 Gorthalax: It's going good, it's going good.

0:34:07 Fig: Do you teach classes during the day?

0:34:09 Gorthalax: Yeah, I was coming to find my boys here to say, do you wanna come by tryouts today?

0:34:15 Fabian: Yes, sure. I mean, I would love to see the fresh meat!

0:34:19 Gorthalax: Yeah, I'd say so, I'd say so. That'd be great. Big season ahead. I think this is the year we actually take down the Hellions, so I want us to really, you know, no distractions. We've got to really double down this year.

0:34:34 Gorgug: Got it.

0:34:35 Fabian: Yeah. Yeah.

0:34:39 Brennan: He looks over and says,

0:34:39 Gorthalax: This is great. Sweetie, you got a little creamed corn on your jacket.

0:34:45 Fig: What? [uncomfortable gurgling sound]

0:34:47 Kristen: Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

0:34:47 Fabian: Oh yeah.

0:34:50 Fig: Sorry, that's so weird. [brings her hand to her mouth]

0:34:54 Fabian: What the hell?

0:34:54 Kristen: Don't eat it.

0:34:55 Fabian: Fig!

0:34:56 Kristen: It's cold and has fibers in it.

0:34:59 Gorthalax: All right.

0:34:59 Fig: I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I guess I'll go get... I'll go to the nurse and I'll get some new clothing.

0:35:07 Gorthalax: What?

0:35:07 Kristen: From the nurse?

0:35:09 Gorgug: I don't think they have a rack of...

0:35:11 Fig: I'll go to the...

0:35:11 Gorgug: You mean the lost and found?

0:35:13 Kristen: Maybe she'll let you borrow her—

0:35:14 Riz: The nurse does have sweatpants if you poop yourself.

0:35:15 Fig: Yeah.

0:35:17 Kristen: What?

0:35:18 Riz: The nurse has sweatpants if you poop yourself.

0:35:19 Gorgug: I guess you could drape some sweatpants—

0:35:20 Ally: Is that a real thing?

0:35:22 Emily: Yeah, I'll wear sweatpants like a little preppy—

0:35:28 Ally: Tied around, but then in the back, it's just a waistband.

0:35:30 Gorgug: There's nothing else we can do.

0:35:31 Siobhan: Wow, what a cool fashion statement.

0:35:32 Riz: Just say that you pooped yourself.

0:35:34 Murph: Not that Riz has ever pooped himself in school and had to get sweatpants.

0:35:37 Riz: Say that you pooped yourself and they'll give you sweatpants.

0:35:39 Adaine: You puked all over yourself on the first day.

0:35:41 Fig: Yeah, can you actually go for me?

0:35:46 Riz: Did you go to bard class today?

0:35:48 Fig: I did, actually.

0:35:49 Riz: Then I will, of course.

0:35:49 Fig: Okay.

0:35:51 Fabian: Gorthalax?

0:35:51 Gorthalax: Yeah?

0:35:52 Fabian: Do you know anything about these Rat Grinders?

0:35:56 Gorthalax: Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah. I know about the Rat Grinders, yeah. Why are you interested? They got little pins this year. It's cute, right?

0:36:05 Fabian: Yeah. How many of them are there?

0:36:06 Fig: Who are they? Can you give us sort of a dossier?

0:36:08 Gorthalax: Well, one of them's trying out.

0:36:10 Fabian: Oh! We'll see about that!

0:36:13 Gorthalax: Mary Ann is trying out for the Owlbears later today. My understanding is, she's a barbarian of the Rat Grinders, yeah. But yeah, what is it you wanna know?

0:36:28 Gorgug: What's their vibe?

0:36:29 Fabian: Yeah, you know, we kinda had our, Gorthalax shut it all down, save the world kinda thing. Have they done anything that cool?

0:36:38 Riz: Because they kinda came at us before.

0:36:39 Fig: Yeah, they're giving us some energy that we're trying to understand how to grapple with.

0:36:44 Adaine: Right, super aggro in a way that's like, have we met them and we just don't [muffled] remember?

0:36:48 Fabian: Exactly.

0:36:50 Gorthalax: Yeah, I mean, I've talked to them. So, you guys, I don't keep that close to what's going on in the student body.

0:36:59 Gorgug: I think that is good to know.

0:37:01 Kristen: If you knew everything, it'd be super weird.

0:37:02 Gorthalax: What I would say, I can tell you where the name comes from.

0:37:04 Fabian: Yeah, we'd like that.

0:37:06 Gorthalax: 'Cause I asked about it. I was like, "Rat Grinders?" One of them's a pop star, right? Just had the song of the summer. A little bit, I don't know, derivative for my tastes.

0:37:19 Fig: Yeah, I agree! If you listen to the lyrics, you're like, you sound like a terrible boyfriend.

0:37:24 Gorthalax: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

0:37:24 Fig: Right?

0:37:26 Gorthalax: Well, the Rat Grinders, the name comes from, because I think all of their adventures have been in the Far Haven Woods, for the most part. I remember talking, 'cause I was like, where is that name coming from? 'Cause they don't seem... Zayn Darkshadow has little Edgar, right? I was like, are they necromancers or rat-themed? I remember... who was it? Jace showed me a log of theirs. The only three monsters they've ever been logged as killing is rats, spiders, and twig gremlins. But they've killed, I think, around 80,000 or something.

0:38:04 Gorgug: Are they power leveling?

0:38:06 Fabian: Wow.

0:38:07 Adaine: Yeah, are they grinding in the woods?

0:38:09 Fabian: Absolutely disgusting.

0:38:11 Fig: Ohhhhhhhhhhh, Fig/Riz: They're literally grinding! [sudden bass, music stops]

0:38:13 Kristen: Wait, what?

0:38:13 Fig: They're literally grinding!

0:38:15 Riz: They're power gamers.

0:38:15 Fig: They're power gamers.

0:38:16 Gorgug: So they're just like, they don't care about anything but just getting stronger.

0:38:19 Kristen: But stats.

0:38:21 Adaine: Getting XP.

0:38:21 Kristen: They have sick stats!

0:38:21 Riz: They have sick stats!

0:38:22 Fabian: Wow.

0:38:23 Fig: They don't care about saving the world. Okay, how close is the Far Haven Woods?

0:38:27 Ally: Yeah, can we see the map?

0:38:29 Brennan: You see he points out the window at the tree line right outside the window.

0:38:32 Riz: They're just out there killing rats!

0:38:34 Emily: Is there a map where you're pointing?

0:38:34 Siobhan: They haven't even left the base!

0:38:37 Brennan: He's like,

0:38:37 Gorthalax: I mean, it's a little bit silly, because the Far Haven Woods is—

0:38:40 Gorgug: [rudely] A little bit? Sorry.

0:38:43 Gorthalax: Whoa, that energy is—

0:38:43 Gorgug: I'm ready for tryouts.

0:38:47 Adaine: We saved the world like three times, and they've just been killing babies.

0:38:50 Riz: I wonder if the rogue teacher just went to go tell Kipperlilly that this is bullshit, and then on a technicality, Kipperlilly got the rogue teacher.

0:39:02 Adaine: Maybe the rogue teacher is a little rat.

0:39:04 Brennan: So you guys, Arthur Aguefort died on the first day of your freshman year, but you remember upperclassmen talking about the Far Haven Woods. Your freshman year was very abnormal. You were running around doing mysteries. You were solving the mystery of Kalvaxus. The Far Haven Woods has a couple of little areas where there's just this huge amount of rats, spiders that are not giant spiders, but they are small, so they're two foot big spiders, and these things called twig gremlins that basically attack in groups of three.

0:39:38 Riz: They're just in the newbie zone. They're in the freaking newbie zone.

0:39:40 Fig: They're farming XP.

0:39:41 Riz: They're farming XP in the newbie zone.

0:39:42 Adaine: That's so fucked up.

0:39:42 Murph: Riz is so mad. You've never seen Riz more mad. He punches a locker.

0:39:49 Fabian: The Ball! Calm down, The Ball!

0:39:51 Riz: [covering his face] They're grinding! That's not the point of adventuring!

0:39:57 Brennan: [laughs] Actually, Riz, give me a Wisdom saving throw with disadvantage. [Murph laughs]

0:40:01 Gorgug: Riz, hear my voice!

0:40:05 Lou: Can I give Riz Bardic Inspiration?

0:40:06 Murph: A 10.

0:40:07 Adaine: For a little green guy, you're turning so red.

0:40:09 Riz: [hissing furiously]

0:40:11 Fabian: The Ball!

0:40:13 Gorgug: Stop biting me.

0:40:14 Riz: [hissing]

0:40:15 Gorthalax: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay, okay! Riz—

0:40:17 Kristen: Girlie, girlie! Come here!

0:40:21 Fabian: Girlie, girlie!

0:40:21 Fig: Girlie, girlie!

0:40:24 Gorgug: Girlie, come on!

0:40:24 Fig: Come on, girlie!

0:40:27 Fabian: Girlie, come on!

0:40:30 Brennan: So you feel, Riz, it's hard for your heart rate to come down from the unfairness of it.

0:40:39 Emily: Fairness is what her platform was.

0:40:42 Siobhan: 'Cause she's technically playing by the rules, 'cause the rules are, if you just get a bunch of XP—

0:40:48 Emily: Yeah, so if I have the most XP, I should be the one who's special.

0:40:52 Siobhan: Wow, the bad guy this season is XP leveling? [music stops abruptly] Brennan stifles a laugh and covers his mouth. [Emily laughs] Brennan shrugs at the camera.

0:40:59 Lou: It's "Milestone versus XP, Junior Year!"

0:41:03 Brennan: Oops. You see Gorthalax says,

0:41:06 Gorthalax: Yeah, you know, listen. They... You know, there's not a lot you learn. I mean, we actually take kids out to fight twig gremlins usually in their second or third week of freshman year, and it's just a way to, honestly, focus on teamwork, getting your first injury, but it's an injury that can't possibly actually drop you.

0:41:30 Kristen: Shooting fish in a barrel.

0:41:30 Gorthalax: Yeah. They've been doing it— their freshman and sophomore year, they logged three hours at the end of every school day and nine hours every weekend, not missing one.

0:41:45 Adaine: What level are they?

0:41:47 Fig: Adaine, can you, from your Jacket of Useful Things, get a couple, looks like the Rat Grinders, but it's just two hoes, and it's XP Farmers?

0:41:56 Adaine: Yeah.

0:41:57 Fig: And then we can put those pins on them.

0:41:58 Kristen: Yes, that's so funny. Wait.

0:41:58 Fabian: That's an awesome prank.

0:42:02 Kristen: Should we go try to spy on them? I'm so curious if they're actually having fun out there or if they're just so over it and going through the motions.

0:42:09 Adaine: But I feel like Kindlesnap Whatsherface is so good at spying, she would be able to tell.

0:42:15 Kristen: Who has really good sneaky? I can make you invisible.

0:42:16 Riz: I do.

0:42:18 Adaine: I can also make you invisible.

0:42:19 Fabian: You can sense an invisible person.

0:42:22 Gorthalax: Um… [Murph laughs]

0:42:23 Adaine: I have Scrying. I don't have it right now.

0:42:25 Lou: I have Scrying.

0:42:25 Riz: Gorthalax is still here.

0:42:27 Kristen: [to Gorthalax] I have Scrying.

0:42:28 Gorthalax: Hm? [music stops abruptly] The Bad Kids frantically try to reign Kristen in.

0:42:29 Adaine: Don't worry about it.

0:42:29 Gorgug: Wait, wait, wait!

0:42:31 Fabian: Stop, stop!

0:42:31 Kristen: Girlie!

0:42:32 Adaine: Don’t tell the teacher—

0:42:32 Riz: He's a teacher! [light instrumental resumes]

0:42:34 Brennan: You see Gorthalax says,

0:42:34 Gorthalax: Guys, look. I know you're upset. You're probably, you know— the other students... You guys have been gone all summer. I think you're wiped. You've got to ask yourselves, is the best use of your time gonna be running down kids who spend hours of their free time every night stepping on rats in the Far Haven Woods, or—

0:43:02 Adaine: Yes.

0:43:02 Kristen: Yes.

0:43:04 Gorthalax: Okay, if that's the best use of your time.

0:43:06 Fabian: Come on, guys!

0:43:07 Gorthalax: I know some of us have albums to write, if you want help shredding.

0:43:09 Fig: Yeah.

0:43:11 Gorthalax: You know, and I know some of us... You know, spite. I know the guy who invented spite. He's an okay guy.

0:43:20 Adaine: Name drop.

0:43:20 Gorthalax: I'm just saying. But you know, don't make revenge the priority over living your best life, is all I'd say.

0:43:28 Fabian: Hear, hear.

0:43:30 Siobhan: Can I do an Insight check to know what level the Rat Grinders are?

0:43:33 Brennan: For sure.

0:43:36 Siobhan: That's a nat one.

0:43:36 Brennan: Nat one.

0:43:38 Siobhan: The game doesn't want me to know.

0:43:40 Brennan: You have no idea. And also, I think you guys would know— just to delineate the line between what is in-character and out-of-character, I don't think you guys would know what levels are, necessarily.

0:43:50 Siobhan: Sure, yeah yeah yeah.

0:43:51 Brennan: But I think you would know that fighting weak opponents still teaches you a little bit. So it's that idea of, oh, they are—

0:43:58 Siobhan: For three hours every day, and nine hours every day on the weekend?

0:44:00 Brennan: Three hours every day. Riz, you're still so angry, but give me an Insight check.

0:44:05 Ally: Can I give him the Help action?

0:44:06 Brennan: Mm-hmm.

0:44:06 Murph: Insight is 21.

0:44:09 Riz: [grunts] I've got it!

0:44:13 Brennan: You're so fucking pissed, and you think about, even within the anger, and maybe, I don't know, it might make you more angry. It's pretty fucking impressive for a group of people to do something for three hours every fucking day. And you think about the feeling you and Adaine had when you found out that your party might have to write 10 page essays. Gorthalax says,

0:44:38 Gorthalax: All right, I'll see you out at the stadium. Hoot, growl!

0:44:40 Fabian: Hoot, growl.

0:44:42 Brennan: Hoot, growl! Hoot, growl! The words appear on the dome as they chant.

0:44:43 All: [chanting] Hoot, Growl! Hoot, Growl! Hoot, Growl! Hoot, Growl! [guitar riff]

0:44:50 Lou: Okay.

0:44:50 Siobhan: That was rad.

0:44:51 Lou: All right!

0:44:51 Brennan: We've got to. Got to.

0:44:53 Adaine: Gorthalax, that's really good magic.

0:44:55 Gorthalax: Yeah, it's good, right? Whenever I say it, it happens.

0:44:59 Ally: That's canon.

0:44:59 Brennan: That's canon now. Is there anything else you guys do at school that day?

0:45:04 Zac: I would probably try to see this artificer teacher. if there's time.

0:45:08 Brennan: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. Go for it. Hell yeah, hell yeah.

0:45:12 Zac: Just a teacher named Henry? [gentle uplifting instrumental]

0:45:15 Siobhan: He's just a guy!

0:45:16 Zac: It's got to be a robot—

0:45:16 Siobhan: He's just a guy!

0:45:19 Zac: ..with the dots in between the letters.

0:45:21 Siobhan: H.N.R.1.

0:45:23 Zac: Yeah.

0:45:24 Brennan: The Thistlespring tree is filled with gear and workshops, but a lot of it is junk under tarps. There's some rain damage. The things are incredible, but they're in an old chest, and the parts are out. You walk into a place with perfectly floating, crystalline signs being like, "Remember to put your tools back!" And you see holsters of tools, pristine lockers, crystals, machines, arcano-tech, [makes machinery noise] gleaming things, spires, workbenches of hovering force planes. You see the most incredible series, huge bins of raw materials, parts, calibrators. Everything is like—you know when you see a professional's space where you're like, oh, this is clean. Everything's put away. Everything is wrapped. Everything is polished. Nothing got put away dirty. And you look up on a giant whiteboard, and you see, the first half of an equation, an engineering equation. And you see it's in a box, and within the box, you see "extra credit" written in this beautiful little chicken scratch.

0:46:37 Zac: Gorgug's gonna confidently walk up to the board and just start doing it.

0:46:46 Brennan: Go ahead and give me a straight Intelligence check.

0:46:51 Lou: You got this. [die clatters]

0:46:53 Zac: Intelligence?

0:46:53 Brennan: Mm-hmm. [uplifting music grows louder]

0:46:57 Zac: A total of four. [music ends]

0:47:01 Murph: Oh no. [Emily laughs]

0:47:11 Murph: You're using two hands?

0:47:13 Ally: You're using a permanent marker on accident.

0:47:17 Brennan: You see, walking in behind you, you hear a voice say,

0:47:20 Henry: No one's ever cracked that before.

0:47:23 Gorgug: You're welcome. [Siobhan laughs] [whimsical instrumental]

0:47:26 Brennan: He looks like a younger guy, one of those teachers that's probably fresh out of college. He's got a little shock of sandy, brown blond hair, gnomish ears, a little pair of gnomish goggles that are up. He walks in, he's got a nice black, thick, fireproof, waterproof, canvas apron. And you see that he's got a sort of robotic arm, it looks like. You see he walks in and goes,

0:47:55 Henry: Wow. You walked in and... [music ends abruptly]

0:48:01 Henry: You said, you're welcome.

0:48:01 Gorgug: Yeah, because?

0:48:05 Henry: This section over here is my name and school email, so that's not a part of the equation.

0:48:14 Gorgug: I thought that was in the parentheses for a reason.

0:48:17 Henry: Well, parentheses, 'cause it's the area code, right?

0:48:19 Gorgug: Oh, okay.

0:48:21 Henry: In the school phone number for my office, so.

0:48:23 Gorgug: That's not one part of the triangle?

0:48:25 Henry: What's your name?

0:48:27 Gorgug: I'm Gorgug. Sorry, I was—

0:48:31 Henry: Gorgug Thistlespring. Hi, I'm Henry Hopclap. It's nice to meet you.

0:48:35 Gorgug: Hopclap?

0:48:36 Henry: Yeah, you can call me Mr. Hopclap, or Henry is fine.

0:48:38 Gorgug: Nice to meet you. I don't know if you know anything about this, but I was just interested in multiclassing this year, but then I just kinda ran into some stuff with my barbarian teacher.

0:48:52 Henry: Yeah, so I was hired this last summer, and it was one of the first things, Principal Aguefort sort of put me in touch with Porter. We got the request in from your parents. The Thistlesprings. You know, the name, as well... Your parents are sort of tinkerers, right?

0:49:09 Gorgug: Yeah, they're tinkerers.

0:49:09 Henry: Amazing.

0:49:12 Gorgug: They're pretty good, I think. I feel like I learn a lot by just, you know—

0:49:15 Henry: Yeah, of course, obviously. Well, that's really exciting. I talked to Porter about it, and the letter from your parents was so sweet. I know that there's some kind of practical engineering stuff that they've passed on to you.

0:49:32 Gorgug: Yeah, I mean, well, I don't know if you need any sort of example of my expertise or just what I've learned, but I made this solar lasso this summer. It worked pretty good. We captured the Night Yorb with it.

0:49:46 Henry: Oh my god.

0:49:46 Gorgug: Yeah.

0:49:47 Henry: You were able to seal the Night Yorb inside of a solar lasso?

0:49:52 Gorgug: We pulled it in, and then we sealed it. I guess I sealed it in the sigil. I'm not even sure exactly what was going on with that part, but I guess I did it, yeah.

0:50:04 Henry: Okay.

0:50:04 Gorgug: Yeah.

0:50:05 Henry: Awesome.

0:50:06 Gorgug: I felt the power.

0:50:06 Henry: Yeah. Felt the power. So, sort of innate magic?

0:50:12 Gorgug: Well, that part, I guess I don't really have a great... I think the solar lasso helped, and then I'm not exactly sure what happened—

0:50:19 Cloaca: My name's Cloaca! I suck! Zac looks around himself and then raises his arm as if Cloaca flew about the room and landed on Gorgug’s arm. [crystals clanking chaotically]

0:50:24 Brennan: He goes,

0:50:24 Henry: Huh? Okay.

0:50:25 Gorgug: [grabbing Cloaca in one hand like Porter] This is actually a pretty good way to hold it. [Siobhan, Emily, and Brennan laugh]

0:50:32 Emily: Wriggling.

0:50:32 Brennan: You see he goes,

0:50:35 Henry: So Gorgug, I see you have a homunculus there, awesome.

0:50:40 Gorgug: I made it this morning. I didn't really have a ton of time with it. It's actually Chloe. I think it has a—

0:50:47 Henry: Can you not get it to say its name?

0:50:50 Gorgug: Well, I think once I get a little... I forgot my tools for that at home.

0:50:55 Henry: Gotcha. Gorgug, I'm gonna be really honest with you. I wanted to approve your MCAT. So I didn't have any issue with it. It's obviously a tremendous amount of work. I know your parents are... They have some machinery and stuff like that. I know them in sort of maker faire spaces, and I've seen them in sort of DIY and crafting spaces. I'll be honest with you. If artificing is something that brings you joy and brings happiness to your life, you don't need school. You can do that on your own. You don't have to actually, you know, make that a part of your studies here at Aguefort if you don't want. Because outside of getting Porter's permission, there's not a lot we can do, and junior year artificing is really challenging. It's really, really challenging. And there are gonna be other students in here that are gonna— you know, we're all gonna be rooting for you, but it's a lot of work.

0:51:55 Gorgug: I feel like I want to do it. I would work really hard. I just... To be honest, I don't understand why... I don't get why he can stop me.

0:52:15 Henry: So, he kind of can't, actually. Look, you want this, and perspiration is 99 percent of it. If you persevere, there's a lot of artificers out there who are inspired, and they just have natural talent, and they're geniuses. That's not who I bet on. If you work hard every day, you can make this work. The MCAT needs his approval, and I don't think that Interim Emergency Backup Principal Grix is likely to allow a kind of workaround. But what I will say is that you could sign up as a freshman artificer, and what we can do is we can stack up the workload of your freshman and sophomore year concurrently with the junior year artificer classes. Now, the issue is, you know, that's three years of class in one, and you would probably have to formally quit the barbarian track, which might in some ways be advantageous. I don't wanna talk you out of multiclassing if you want, but I will say that, you know, reckless abandon and the embrace of your wildest emotions in pitched combat is going to make the intense, dispassionate focus that maintaining these machines and algorithms takes, it's gonna be challenging.

0:53:52 Gorgug: I was gonna ask. I wasn't sure if that was... Someone was doing that, that I could look up.

0:54:01 Henry: In the history of this school, the Aguefort Adventuring Academy has approved 112 MCATs for people that wanted to branch off from rogue classes to take fighting classes, or from fighting classes to go join rogue classes. You would be our first artificer barbarian.

0:54:25 Gorgug: Well, I... Hm, that sounds like a lot of class, and if I were to do that, I would just have to quit barbarian class?

0:54:36 Henry: If you're going for three, you could go for four. You could do freshman, sophomore, and junior artificer while you're doing junior barbarian.

0:54:46 Gorgug: The barbarian stuff is honestly kinda easy, but—

0:54:51 Henry: If you're gonna keep the barbarian classes while you're doing this, I would need you to at least tell Mr. Cliffbreaker. He doesn't have a way of stopping you from doing that, but just for professional courtesy and to let him know that your class schedule is gonna take some serious hits, that would be necessary.

0:55:08 Gorgug: Yeah, I can... When do I have to figure this out?

0:55:12 Henry: This morning.

0:55:12 Gorgug: Okay. Okay, okay. Like, today this morning?

0:55:18 Henry: Like, it's after lunch, and it needed to happen this morning, but I can try to wiggle something into the stack of stuff that's going to Principal Grix at the end of the day.

0:55:28 Gorgug: I just, I'm gonna... I'll go tell him.

0:55:31 Henry: Okay, great.

0:55:31 Gorgug: Yeah.

0:55:33 Brennan: You see students start to come into the room, and you see one of them is a shifting warforged of changing, moving parts. There's a praying mantis thri-kreen who's reconstructing crystal technology on their arms. There's all of this wild... You see that there is a sort of hazard suit water elemental in a space suit that's moving itself through the space. There is a bronze cube with a flesh being put into it with a single eye in the middle of the cube that has tiny bronze artificial wings and little spindly robot arms and legs.

0:56:16 Henry: How's it going? Gorgug, this is Unit.

0:56:19 Gorgug: Hi, Unit.

0:56:20 Unit: [beeping cordially]

0:56:21 Gorgug: Oh, hey!

0:56:22 Unit: [beeping]

0:56:23 Gorgug: Hey, it's nice to meet you. I'll see you guys pretty soon.

0:56:29 Henry: We'll keep a chair open for you, Gorgug. Thanks so much.

0:56:32 Gorgug: You know, don't learn too much without me.

0:56:36 Henry: I'll have the handouts for you. Actually, if you wanna take the handouts, I usually hand them out at the end, but...

0:56:41 Brennan: He hands you a stack of paper about that thick.

0:56:44 Zac: Gorgug uses his back to try to erase the chalkboard.

0:56:51 Brennan: And you head on out of there.

0:56:55 Gorgug: It's gonna be fine.

0:56:57 Siobhan: You're Billy Madison-ing being an artificer.

0:57:00 Brennan: Incredible. Anyone else doing anything?

0:57:03 Lou: I'm all good on my MCAT stuff, right?

0:57:04 Brennan: You've got to talk to Ms. Jones.

0:57:06 Lou: I'll go talk to Ms. Jones after class.

0:57:08 Brennan: Cool, cool. Yeah, you see Ms. Jones in the hallway after class.

0:57:12 Fabian: Ms. Jones? Hi, I'm not sure you heard, but I'm going to be going for my MCAT with bard.

0:57:18 Ms. Jones: Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Okay. How did everything go with Ms. Skullcleaver?

0:57:25 Fabian: [leaning forward conspiratorially] I mean, I don't want to—

0:57:25 Ms. Jones: This energy is not wanted.

0:57:28 Fabian: [leans back] Sorry. I don't wanna toot my own horn, but in the Divination class, they're saying Fabian Seacaster's the future of dance. They have five points on it, five extra credit points.

0:57:41 Ms. Jones: Okay, you know you're still gonna do 75% of the fighting track, right?

0:57:45 Fabian: Yep, completely understand.

0:57:45 Ms. Jones: Okay, understood.

0:57:48 Brennan: She goes ahead and signs away on it.

0:57:49 Lou: All right.

0:57:50 Brennan: As she does so, she looks out and says,

0:57:54 Ms. Jones: I just wanted to mention that some people in class were talking about Seacaster Manor. Word going around school.

0:58:02 Fabian: What?

0:58:03 Ms. Jones: About a party house.

0:58:07 Fabian: Oh, well, that's nothing you should trouble yourself with.

0:58:11 Ms. Jones: Probably just kids talking, right?

0:58:12 Fabian: Probably just kids talking! I mean, you know, my father built it, and I have respect for it. I wouldn't trash it like that. I mean, plus, I'm going for my MCAT! My focus is other places, Ms. Jones.

0:58:27 Ms. Jones: Of course. All right.

0:58:27 Fabian: [leaning in conspiratorially] You don't have to worry—

0:58:29 Ms. Jones: No!

0:58:29 Fabian: Sorry, sorry. [leaning back] You don't have to worry about anything.

0:58:33 Ms. Jones: You got it, all right. I'll see you in class, Mr. Seacaster.

0:58:37 Fabian: Yes, you will.

0:58:39 Ms. Jones: Right on the edge. Right on the edge.

0:58:42 Fabian: I know, I know!

0:58:44 Brennan: Incredible. Any other stuff?

0:58:46 Ally: I'd love to take Riz aside and be like,

0:58:46 Kristen: Riz, so I've got to fill out a lot of paperwork about my new god. I was wondering, could I have some of your coffee, and could you maybe help me? This has to be in before I leave school today.

0:58:59 Riz: Of course. Yeah, let's do it.

0:59:00 Kristen: Okay, thank you so much.

0:59:02 Riz: I got some papers to fill out, too. I have, I guess, applications or whatever, signup sheets for every club.

0:59:08 Brennan: Every single club at Aguefort is in front of you. There's so many that barely make sense.

0:59:13 Murph: Great, I put a coffee down in front of Kristen, put a coffee down in front of myself.

0:59:18 Kristen: Oh god! That's lighter fluid!

0:59:22 Brennan: I think, 'cause both of our... Oh yeah, Fig.

0:59:25 Emily: Yeah, I just wanna, en route, I'm just gonna slip a note under Lucilla's door saying,

0:59:34 Fig: Great class today, maybe I'll catch you around.

0:59:38 Ally: From you?

0:59:38 Emily: Yeah, from me. To say I liked the class, and I'm considering coming again.

0:59:44 Ally: See you around? In your junior year?

0:59:48 Brennan: Junior year. Hey, halfway through, I checked it out. Not bad. You just might see me again.

0:59:57 Emily: [laughs] And then I wanna go to, is there a scientific or lab sort of area? 'Cause basically it's like I have this album hanging over my head, and I am aware that I am without my normal muse.

1:00:11 Brennan: Yeah.

1:00:12 Emily: So I wanna take the trilobite fossils and find a scientific student to carbon date them to find out when they're from.

1:00:24 Siobhan: [faux condescendingly] Um, actually, you can't carbon date trilobites, 'cause they're too old, and you need to uranium date them.

1:00:30 Emily: I throw a trilobite at Adaine.

1:00:30 Brennan: You find Adaine, and Adaine tells you.

1:00:35 Ally: You find Siobhan Thompson.

1:00:37 Siobhan: Carbon-14 has a half-life that means that trilobites—

1:00:40 Emily: I shove a fossil in your mouth. [Siobhan gurgling]

1:00:44 Brennan: Amazing.

1:00:46 Emily: I don't know how to send a message back in time, but the easier thing feels like finding the time I would have to send it to.

1:00:54 Adaine: I don't have it prepared, but I could try to use the keys of the synod. There's nothing in the language of it that says it can't work through time, but it would have to be tomorrow.

1:01:05 Fig: Okay, yeah.

1:01:05 Adaine: I can give it a go.

1:01:07 Fig: We could give it a go at some point.

1:01:08 Adaine: There's no harm in giving it a go, and I heard that they just put a mall into the synod, so if not, we can just go shopping!

1:01:14 Fig: Okay, cool, yeah.

1:01:16 Brennan: I think there's a break period where you guys are out on the quad, there's some grass, some shady trees. You guys have been able to reconvene and compare notes. You guys, you have your MCAT, you know what you need, sort of what you need to do. As you're looking at this big trilobite fossil, you guys see, coming out of the tree line towards the Far Haven Woods, you see that there is, mounted on a pure white horse in full plate mail, covered in mud and the scratches of thorns and battle with a shield over him. This is not a Solesian. This is a full knight from somewhere else in Solace. You see he takes his visor up, leaps off the horse and goes up to you and says... [Emily laughs]

1:02:04 Knight: You. [celestial instrumental]

1:02:05 Knight: Are you...

1:02:07 Brennan: He kneels, and you see sun shines on him. He says,

1:02:10 Knight: You are Figueroth Faeth.

1:02:14 Fig: Yeah.

1:02:16 Brennan: Tears.

1:02:18 Knight: I am Sir Davin of the Order of the Sacred Scroll.

1:02:23 Fig: Nice to meet you?

1:02:23 Sir Davin: I am the last of my order, slain in battle for the sacred charge of protecting this.

1:02:29 Brennan: He slings this ancient, gorgeous scroll case from his back, kneels and lifts it to you in two hands.

1:02:40 Fig: Thank you. You have served your purpose.

1:02:44 Sir Davin: For 1,500 years, the Order of the Sacred Scroll has guarded this mystery beyond mysteries. The stars aligned and I have journeyed from lands far beyond to place it in your hands.

1:02:59 Fig: You never once peeked?

1:02:59 D: What?

1:03:01 Fig: You never once peeked at the scroll?

1:03:05 D: My brother tried to peek, breaking the sacred vows he took, and I cut him down where he stood.

1:03:14 Fig: What? You could have peeked!

1:03:16 D: Traitor that he was. With this is the mission of our order completed. in service to this cause. I am free.

1:03:32 Brennan: He puts his helmet on the ground, takes his longsword, stabs it through the open visor into the ground.

1:03:38 D: To a life of peace. To remember my brother in better days.

1:03:44 Brennan: He mounts up on his horse.

1:03:46 D: Last of my order. Figueroth Faeth.

1:03:51 Brennan: And he rides into the woods. [fading hoofbeats, horse neighing]

1:03:59 Adaine: Well, open it!

1:04:01 Emily: Okay, I open the scroll.

1:04:04 Fig: Wait, I didn't say thank you! Thank you!

1:04:11 Brennan: You see it says,

1:04:11 Ayda: Darling paramour, trip is going okay. Miss you lots and lots. P.S. My dad keeps saying “basketti” instead of “spaghetti,” and I said, is that a bit? And he won't admit it's a bit, and it's driving me nuts. My heart burns for you with an eternal fire that will never dim. XO, XO, XO, XO, XO, XO, XO, your paramour, the wizard Ayda Aguefort.

1:04:42 Fig: Many knights died for a good cause.

1:04:46 Brennan: You actually see, in this moment, Porter is sort of walking out across the quad, Gorgug, you see. Looks like he's finished his last class and is heading off towards a teacher break room faculty area.

1:04:57 Gorgug: Adaine, can you hold this? [hands her Cloaca]

1:04:57 Adaine: Yeah.

1:04:59 Kristen: Got your back.

1:04:59 Adaine: Wow, it's heavy and sharp.

1:05:01 Gorgug: I know.

1:05:01 Adaine: Wow.

1:05:03 Fig: Can I give you a Bardic Inspiration?

1:05:05 Gorgug: Please, thank you.

1:05:05 Ally: I Bless you.

1:05:07 Siobhan: I put it on my Mage Hand, 'cause I don't wanna touch it.

1:05:10 Emily: I Thaumaturgy to make the ground shake.

1:05:14 Kristen: Fuck!

1:05:16 Brennan: Porter goes,

1:05:16 Porter: Everybody get down! Away from any structures!

1:05:20 Gorgug: It's all right, it's all right.

1:05:22 Kristen: It's go time!

1:05:22 Adaine: So violent for a cantrip.

1:05:25 Gorgug: Mr. Porter?

1:05:27 Porter: Gorgug, hello.

1:05:29 Gorgug: I just wanted to talk to you, because I—

1:05:32 Brennan: He looks over your shoulder and sees Fig and goes,

1:05:34 Porter: Hey Fig! How's it going? Fig points at her eyes and then at Porter as if saying “I’ve got my eyes on you”.

1:05:39 Porter: God, she's great. She really gets it. She really gets it. Fig draws a line in front of her throat.

1:05:44 Porter: Why don't you ever do that? Why don't you ever do that? That's what I'm looking for! [Fig hisses like a goblin]

1:05:51 Gorgug: Our conflicts are completely different. I've decided that I will be taking artificer courses this year, and I will continue with the barbarian track, but I am going to triple down on the artificer classes as well.

1:06:11 Porter: You're gonna have a 400% course load?

1:06:18 Gorgug: Yeah, I'm gonna do that.

1:06:23 Porter: [nods] Bold.

1:06:23 Adaine: He's really clever.

1:06:25 Porter: Is he?

1:06:25 Adaine: And he works really hard.

1:06:27 Ally: I'm holding the bird's beak shut. My hands are shaking so that it won't shout its name and embarrass you.

1:06:33 Brennan: The bird is trying so...

1:06:35 Cloaca: [muffled] I'm Cloaca! I suck!

1:06:37 Fig: Pardon me, that's my familiar from Hell.

1:06:40 Brennan: Baby appears.

1:06:40 Baby: Mistress!

1:06:40 Fig: Oh fuck.

1:06:45 Gorgug: I believe, with the support of my friends and all these loud animals, that I can get through it.

1:06:52 Brennan: He looks at you and sort of crosses his arms and says,

1:06:56 Porter: Well, we just got a memo from Principal Grix that the strength of the hero is the strength of the party. How much do your friends actually wanna support you? Would anyone be willing to audit barbarian classes to help Gorgug with his course load?

1:07:15 Fig: Yeah, I would. I have a lot of free time.

1:07:18 Riz: No, you don't.

1:07:22 Gorgug: Yeah, I mean, I really appreciate that.

1:07:26 Porter: [to Fig] If you sign up for barbarian classes, [to Gorgug] I'll let you take the course load.

1:07:31 Fig: Sign up for barbarian classes? I was thinking of actually going to my real classes. What does that mean, to sign up for barbarian classes? 'Cause if it's just spending more time with Gorgug, that sounds like a dream.

1:07:45 Porter: Well, you'd be a junior. You'd be a barbarian, so.

1:07:48 Fig: Okay, yeah, I'm in. Let's do it, Porter. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

1:07:56 Porter: [smiling] You keep giving me the energy, and I keep loving it. [whispering to Fig] Can I be honest? I think you're a good example for Gorgug.

1:08:06 Gorgug: I understand that your heart is in a place where your point of view is different—

1:08:09 Porter: God, this sucks! Fucking pissing me off. All right!

1:08:15 Gorgug: In some way, you are looking out for me, but it's just different from how I see it.

1:08:19 Fig: I'm looking out for you.

1:08:21 Porter: I welcome the challenge, Ms. Faeth. All right, see you in class. Good luck.

1:08:27 Adaine: What if Porter's the rogue teacher?

1:08:29 Riz: That'd be insane.

1:08:29 Brennan: And he takes off.

1:08:32 Fig: I don't know what I just committed to.

1:08:34 Riz: You just, okay.

1:08:36 Kristen: Triple classing?

1:08:39 Riz: So, Gorgug is tripling down on artificer, so you're just doubling down, right? 'Cause it's the the one barbarian—

1:08:46 Adaine: Well, 2.5-ing down.

1:08:47 Riz: Right, but you can still go to your bard classes, is what I'm saying.

1:08:51 Adaine: And warlock classes.

1:08:51 Riz: Yeah.

1:08:53 Fig: I mean, anything to just not write my album.

1:08:57 Adaine: Okay, no, I do get that. I absolutely do get that.

1:08:59 Gorgug: Do you still need me to play drums? I forget if—

1:09:03 Fig: Of course I do.

1:09:03 Gorgug: Okay, good, good.

1:09:04 Fig: Although I have learned how to play myself.

1:09:07 Gorgug: I can maybe invent something that plays it like I would play it.

1:09:11 Fig: Whoa.

1:09:12 Gorgug: Then I can just [claps] stand near it.

1:09:15 Fig: And you can applaud your own creation.

1:09:18 Brennan: I think the day wraps up. If you guys have stuff that's dealing... All of you do walk out of here with a shitload of paperwork, handouts, all that stuff, so if you guys wanted to head out and either handle that together or do whatever. But I will say, Adaine, at the end of the day, as you guys are peeling out to go wherever you're gonna go, you do get a call on your crystal from Aelwyn.

1:09:37 Adaine: Hey, how's it going? How's teaching?

1:09:40 Aelwyn: Oh, you know, I've been summoned [pretentious violin music] up to the principal's office because I made some of my students cry.

1:09:47 Adaine: You went to the principal's office? You're a teacher and you got sent to the principal?

1:09:52 Aelwyn: First of all, you're not an adult, so you don't understand, you don't get it.

1:09:55 Adaine: Okay, well, you're not really an adult either!

1:09:57 Aelwyn: The principal's office isn't just for children, Adaine. Other work happens in the principal's office.

1:10:01 Adaine: Sure, yes, okay.

1:10:02 Aelwyn: It's not called the child scolding center. It's for work.

1:10:06 Adaine: All right. I am calling to... [sighs] So, we had our first day of class today with Professor Runestaff. By the way, she is so much nicer than any teacher we had at Hudol.

1:10:21 Aelwyn: Oh, I know. Tiberia, she's such a pushover.

1:10:24 Adaine: I know. I mean, do you remember Dr. Bucklebeak? I think he straight-up hit a kid in our first week. Didn’t get in trouble.

1:10:32 Aelwyn: A kid walked in and said good morning, and he hit him in the face.

1:10:34 Adaine: In the face!

1:10:36 Aelwyn: Right in the face.

1:10:36 Adaine: In the face. I think he does that every class, to assert dominance. Anyway!

1:10:40 Aelwyn: Tenure.

1:10:41 Adaine: Crazy. Private school. I suddenly have to get all of these materials that I didn't even know I had to get. I've got to get, okay, An insane amount of diamonds. A gold bow crafted by an archfey. Eggs, just a lot of different types of eggs.

1:10:57 Aelwyn: Oh sure, the junior year eggs.

1:10:59 Adaine: So many eggs. Troglodyte nuggets? Do you know what those even are?

1:11:02 Aelwyn: Well, nuggets is sort of a polite term for testicles.

1:11:06 Adaine: Oh, okay, so troglodyte testicles. Another type of egg. The spleen of a two-headed goat, and she said dried was fine but in that way that was like, it's not.

1:11:16 Aelwyn: You don't want dried.

1:11:16 Adaine: I don't want dried! And then a rose plucked from a desert spring. Phoenix feathers, which would normally be fine for me because Ayda could just give me some, but she's away.

1:11:25 Aelwyn: Could you borrow some from Fig?

1:11:27 Adaine: I don't think so. She's really emotionally attached to them.

1:11:32 Aelwyn: Well—

1:11:32 Ally: “Can I have some of your girlfriend's hair?

1:11:35 Brennan: “I need it for school.”

1:11:39 Emily: “That's my girlfriend, not a fucking spell component!”

1:11:42 Brennan: “Okay?”

1:11:42 Emily: “Porter!”

1:11:45 Brennan: You see she says,

1:11:45 Aelwyn: Well, listen. I can try to source some of these things, if you'd like. Do you wanna come by the apartment later? I'm sorry, by the way, that I moved out. I just—

1:11:53 Adaine: No, no no no! I don't wanna say I'm glad, but I'm glad for you, do you know what I mean?

1:11:58 Aelwyn: In the sort of month after we got home after the nightmare forest, it was kind of nice, 'cause it was full and I had you there, and then when all of you went to go do the Night Yorb—

1:12:08 Adaine: Sure, suddenly you're in the top bunk on your own.

1:12:11 Aelwyn: And also, Jawbone, when he doesn't have to split focus?

1:12:15 Adaine: Sure.

1:12:15 Aelwyn: And every breakfast—

1:12:16 Adaine: He's very caring. He's very caring.

1:12:19 Aelwyn: He's very caring.

1:12:19 Adaine: Sometimes I just don't need to be cared for, do you know what I mean?

1:12:23 Aelwyn: I don't want to get better that fast.

1:12:25 Adaine: Sure.

1:12:25 Aelwyn: You know?

1:12:27 Adaine: I do, yeah, no, I get it. I love him, he's so nice.

1:12:30 Aelwyn: He's really nice.

1:12:30 Adaine: But sometimes I'm just like, I just need to eat my cereal.

1:12:34 Aelwyn: I got uncomfortable one time, so I said something kind of sinister and flirty to him.

1:12:39 Adaine: Sure, yeah, no, you love doing that.

1:12:41 Aelwyn: I do!

1:12:41 Adaine: And he took it seriously?

1:12:44 Aelwyn: No, he didn't take it seriously. He sort of smiled ruefully and he said, “We all hurt from time to time.” And I said, “I'm moving.”

1:12:52 Adaine: Yeah.

1:12:53 Aelwyn: I'm moving. So, you know, I had to get out.

1:13:00 Adaine: You two, chalk and cheese.

1:13:00 Aelwyn: Yes, truly, absolutely. Come by the apartment. I'll try to source some of these. Off the top of my head, you know, I wouldn't be teaching a bunch of snot-nosed middle schoolers if we had access to Mum and Dad's money.

1:13:12 Adaine: Literally any money. Have you heard from Mum?

1:13:15 Aelwyn: No, well, the problem is, it's not the nightmare forest anymore, is it? So she's just somewhere in Sylvaire.

1:13:19 Adaine: Somewhere in Sylvaire, just hanging out?

1:13:21 Aelwyn: Well, she's being chased by a van with hands for wheels.

1:13:24 Adaine: Right, yeah, but I mean, it's Mum. That should be fine, right?

1:13:26 Aelwyn: I don't know. But what I would say is, without access to any of that... Okay, options. Track down Mum, kill her, inherit.

1:13:38 Adaine: Sure.

1:13:39 Aelwyn: But, you know, if she's alive, she's done some financial shenanigans.

1:13:43 Adaine: Some kind of crazy trust where we have to be 500.

1:13:46 Aelwyn: Do you get paid for the Elven Oracle stuff? Is there any payment for that?

1:13:49 Adaine: I don't think so. I think I'm just doing it as a favor. These old elves keep on showing up and just—

1:13:55 Brennan: Poof. Oracle! An elf in robes teleports.

1:13:59 Elf: I have seen a vision of things to come!

1:14:01 Adaine: Okay, just hang on one second, Aelwyn. Yeah?

1:14:04 Elf: My daughter, she plans to marry, but I see ruin upon the face of her beloved. Must I strike him down?

1:14:13 Adaine: Okay, I actually have not had a vision about that, but if I do, I will let you know.

1:14:19 Elf: Okay, do you need my information?

1:14:20 Adaine: Yeah, that'd be great.

1:14:20 Brennan: Scroll. Hands it to you.

1:14:23 Adaine: Thank you, I'll put it with the others.

1:14:25 Elf: And I'm available tomorrow.

1:14:25 Adaine: Sure, yeah yeah yeah. If I have a vision between now and tomorrow, I will let you know.

1:14:30 Elf: I'm available tomorrow.

1:14:32 Adaine: No, I do hear you, thank you so much. Thank you!

1:14:36 Brennan: He teleports away. Aelwyn says, "That is fucking awful."

1:14:41 Adaine: Yeah, no, it happens like five times a day.

1:14:44 Aelwyn: Kill Mum.

1:14:44 Adaine: Yeah.

1:14:45 Aelwyn: Sell drugs.

1:14:45 Adaine: Eh...

1:14:47 Aelwyn: Sell weapons.

1:14:47 Adaine: Oh! Mm. What kind of weapons, and to who?

1:14:51 Aelwyn: Not even weapons, you know? I made a lot of money with those Hudol students when I was summoning elemental cheerleaders.

1:14:57 Adaine: I mean, yeah, that seems like an option.

1:15:00 Aelwyn: Do you want me to put you in touch with some Hudol kids?

1:15:02 Adaine: Yeah, my elementals are just sort of dry, though. I don't think the party would want the Dry Guys.

1:15:10 Aelwyn: I'll see what I can do. You could get a job.

1:15:17 Adaine: I could get a job. People have jobs. Teenagers have jobs.

1:15:21 Aelwyn: Teenagers have job. I got a job.

1:15:23 Adaine: How did you get a job?

1:15:24 Aelwyn: I blackmailed the principal of Oakshield Middle.

1:15:28 Adaine: Interesting. With what?

1:15:28 Aelwyn: Photographs.

1:15:30 Adaine: Well, I don't actually need to know any more information.

1:15:33 Aelwyn: And you shan't, dear sister.

1:15:35 Adaine: Thank you. Thank you for protecting me from that.

1:15:38 Aelwyn: All right, well, come by if you'd like.

1:15:40 Adaine: I don't suppose you have any barrels of diamonds that I can borrow in the meantime, do you?

1:15:43 Aelwyn: I have a chest full of rubies.

1:15:46 Adaine: Actually, specifically she did say diamonds. Somebody in the class did ask about sapphires, and she said absolutely not, so I'm assuming no.

1:15:53 Aelwyn: Yeah, well, you know, do your best. Maybe get a part time job. Maybe save up for a barrel or two of diamonds.

1:15:59 Adaine: How much do diamonds cost?

1:16:00 Aelwyn: Three gold pieces?

1:16:02 Adaine: How much is minimum wage in Elmville?

1:16:05 Aelwyn: I think I heard one of the teachers say that they had a cousin that made five copper a day?

1:16:13 Adaine: Great. No, this'll be great for me. I'm so glad we threw away all of that cursed dragon gold last year.

1:16:21 Aelwyn: All right, ta-ta, I need to go. Bye bye, Adaine.

1:16:24 Adaine: Bye, love you.

1:16:24 Siobhan: Can I delete speech?

1:16:26 Aelwyn: I heard it! I heard it! I heard you say it!

1:16:28 Adaine: No, no, no!

1:16:28 Aelwyn: Ha ha ha ha ha! I win. You've exposed yourself to me.

1:16:29 Brennan: Click! Your first day is winding down, and Fabian and Gorgug find themselves out on the bloodrush field. Gorthalax goes,

1:16:41 Gorthalax: Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes! All right.

1:16:45 Fabian: Yes.

1:16:46 Gorthalax: Cap, you wanna say a couple words to the squad?

1:16:49 Fabian: Sure. Everyone circle up.

1:16:49 Gorgug: Hoot, growl!

1:16:51 Gorthalax: Hoot, growl. Hoot, growl.

1:16:51 Fabian: Hoot, growl. Do the thing, Gorthalax. There it is!

1:16:55 Bloodrush Team: Hoot, growl! Hoot, growl! Hoot, growl!

1:16:59 Fabian: Hoot!

1:16:59 Gorgug: Growl.

1:17:00 Fabian: Growl, all right. Guys, gals, everybody in between. [Ally and Emily laughing]

1:17:09 Gorthalax: Inclusive. Nice.

1:17:09 Fabian: Was that good? I felt really weird about it toward the end. Is it bad that I put the everyone else in between, like those are the extremes, or does that work?

1:17:19 Gorthalax: No, you know, the intention counts.

1:17:22 Fabian: All right, thank you.

1:17:24 Gorthalax: You know, is gender a three dimensional space? We don't know, you know? We don't know.

1:17:29 Fabian: All right, phew! Anyway.

1:17:34 Siobhan: You broke Ally like the tactical guys broke Murph.

1:17:37 Ally: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:17:40 Zac: The whole team's on their knees.

1:17:42 Murph: Technically, Riz is probably trying out for the bloodrush team.

1:17:44 Ally: Oh my god!

1:17:47 Gorthalax: All right, back again! Gukgak! This time's the charm, let's do it.

1:17:50 Fabian: This year's gonna go a lot smoother than this speech so far, I'll tell you that much.

1:17:55 Riz: Woo!

1:17:56 Fabian: We got a great squad. We got a great team. We got a lot of heart, and I'll tell you what a lot of heart has. It's got blood, and you know what blood does on this field? It rushes. So a team with a lot of heart and a lot of blood rushes.

1:18:11 Bloodrush Team: A team with a lot of heart and a lot of blood rushes! A team with a lot of heart and a lot of blood rushes! A team with a lot of heart and a lot of blood rushes!

1:18:20 Gorthalax: All right! All right. Let's get this fresh meat out on the field, Let's do some drills.

1:18:26 Brennan: Riz, go ahead and give me an opposed Athletics check—

1:18:31 Murph: I have a minus two.

1:18:31 Brennan: ...with Gorgug and Fabian.

1:18:33 Riz: All right, guys!

1:18:33 Zac: I'm gonna go into a rage.

1:18:36 Brennan: You go into a rage.

1:18:36 Fabian: The Ball?

1:18:39 Riz: Gorgug, let's focus!

1:18:40 Fabian: Hey, The Ball?

1:18:40 Riz: Okay?

1:18:41 Fabian: You've got this, all right?

1:18:41 Riz: Okay!

1:18:42 Fabian: You have other strengths.

1:18:42 Riz: All right!

1:18:44 Lou: I give you a Bardic Inspiration.

1:18:45 Emily: [looking at Zac’s roll] Oh, you rolled poorly!

1:18:47 Lou: You get 1d6.

1:18:49 Murph: I appreciate ya.

1:18:50 Zac: That is a 15.

1:18:50 Murph: Okay, cool.

1:18:53 Lou: I rolled a 16.

1:18:56 Murph: I have a Bardic Inspiration.

1:18:57 Siobhan: You could beat that, for sure.

1:18:59 Murph: Okay, that's a seven to start with. How much is your Bardic?

1:19:01 Lou: A d6.

1:19:04 Murph: Okay, I physically can't get there.

1:19:07 Brennan: Gorgug and Fabian's bodies are things that you could dodge, nimbly scuttle around. You could jump out of the way. The reality of their mass and yours makes taking any of them to the ground impossible.

1:19:23 Murph: Okay, I keep hanging on.

1:19:26 Riz: [hissing and snarling] [grabbing onto Gorgug]

1:19:29 Brennan: Gorgug is just carrying you. You tackle Gorgug. Gorgug is running down the field.

1:19:32 Murph: Just biting him.

1:19:32 Brennan: Hanging on.

1:19:34 Gorthalax: All right, great hustle! Hey!

1:19:34 Fabian: [clapping] Way to go, The Ball.

1:19:37 Gorthalax: You know, it's always great to have The Ball on the field, so way to go.

1:19:41 Gorgug: You're supposed to wear a mouth guard.

1:19:43 Riz: Shut up, Gorgug!

1:19:47 Murph: I have clumps of mud in my face.

1:19:49 Brennan: You guy see Max Durden walk on the field. Max, you remember from the Boys' Night one shot, he’s the drow kid who yelled "Police state" in your first year at the assembly when the new crystals were put up everywhere.

1:20:01 Lou: Yes!

1:20:01 Brennan: Max has got long white hair, those tall ears. He's got a little skull T-shirt, looks a little bit wiry. He's like,

1:20:09 Max: All right. Here we go, let's do it. This is junior year for me too, so let's see if we can get it done.

1:20:18 Lou: All right, Max!

1:20:19 Brennan: I'll roll in front. He's got a plus four. That's a nat 20. [players oohing]

1:20:25 Zac: Wow! Against us?

1:20:25 Brennan: Against you guys. Unless you can hit a nat 20.

1:20:32 Zac: No, I did not hit a nat 20.

1:20:34 Lou: I also did not hit a nat 20.

1:20:36 Brennan: You see that Max looks like some kind of, probably a Hexblade warlock as well. He's some weird mixture of gish, arcane, but still martial, and manages to trip you up, quick change, get you to go in the wrong direction with a fake and then get past you into the end zone.

1:20:56 Fabian: All right, good job, Max. Nice moves.

1:21:00 Max: Yeah, awesome!

1:21:01 Fabian: Way to keep your head in the game.

1:21:03 Max: Hey, I gotta get invited to Seacaster Manor somehow, right? Let's go, let's go.

1:21:09 Fabian: I'm glad you've heard.

1:21:10 Gorgug: Do you wanna play bloodrush?

1:21:12 Max: Yeah!

1:21:12 Gorgug: Okay, yeah.

1:21:14 Riz: 'Cause some of us really wanna play!

1:21:19 Gorgug: You can get off me at this point.

1:21:21 Riz: As soon as you go down, it counts for me.

1:21:26 Voice: Are these where tryouts are?

1:21:27 Brennan: You see that there is a young kobold girl. She's got kind of a weird fuchsia sweatshirt, some purple jeans, and she's about two feet tall. You see on her sweatshirt is a little pin of a rat being crushed under some gears.

1:21:44 Ally: Butt Grinders.

1:21:47 Fabian: Yes, this is where tryouts are.

1:21:49 Mary Ann: Hi, I'm Mary Ann.

1:21:50 Fabian: Mary Ann, nice to meet you.

1:21:53 Mary Ann: Nice to meet you.

1:21:54 Zac: Can I make an Insight check?

1:21:54 Brennan: Yeah, go for it.

1:21:56 Lou: Are you allowed to cast spells when you play bloodrush? Is that okay?

1:21:59 Brennan: Yeah.

1:21:59 Lou: Okay.

1:22:01 Zac: 13.

1:22:01 Brennan: What are you trying to—

1:22:04 Zac: Is there an angle that's not just bloodrush-related that's related to us, I think?

1:22:09 Brennan: Mary Ann's reptilian face is kind of inscrutable to you. She looks pretty nonplussed across the board. She looks up and says,

1:22:20 Mary Ann: Okay. This is where the team is?

1:22:24 Fabian: Yes. Are you ready? We'll just run you through some drills to see—

1:22:29 Brennan: Gorthalax goes,

1:22:29 Gorthalax: Okay, Mary Ann Skuttle. Junior, trying out. Okay, let's see. Let's see it on the field.

1:22:37 Lou: I'd like to cast Enhance Ability on myself.

1:22:40 Brennan: Go for it.

1:22:40 Lou: Okay, great. Give myself Bull's Strength.

1:22:42 Brennan: Let's go.

1:22:45 Zac: I'm also motivated to beat this person. [Lou laughs]

1:22:49 Zac: I go into another rage, I guess.

1:22:51 Brennan: I'm gonna give you the number you need to beat.

1:22:53 Zac: Great.

1:22:55 Brennan: You need to beat a 35. Zac and Ally’s jaws drop.

1:22:59 Siobhan: I'm not here, right?

1:23:00 Brennan: No.

1:23:00 Siobhan: Okay.

1:23:03 Zac: That is not gonna do it. 16.

1:23:08 Lou: That's also not gonna do it. That's a 19.

1:23:12 Brennan: A 19 and a 16? Gorgug, you get the ball. It feels like someone's pulling your right arm off, until you realize that she's hit you so hard in the chest that your chest is moving faster than your arm can keep up with it. Gorgug's head is buried in the bleachers underneath, on the opposite side of the field.

1:23:35 Emily: Riz didn't get a chance.

1:23:38 Zac: Is Riz still on me?

1:23:42 Brennan: You're in the bleachers near where Gorgug is. Mary Ann Skuttle tackled Gorgug with an amount of force that moved him across the field in a way that you've never— [Zac wheezing in excruciating pain]

1:23:52 Mary Ann: Okay, thank you.

1:23:52 Brennan: She gets up off of you, walks away. [Zac groaning]

1:23:58 Brennan: Sorry, you do take—

1:23:58 Gorgug: What happened?

1:24:01 Riz: I took you down, dude.

1:24:05 Gorgug: I think more things happened!

1:24:06 Riz: Thank you, Mary Ann, for the assist.

1:24:08 Brennan: You take 27 points of damage.

1:24:09 Zac: Halved?

1:24:10 Emily: You were in a rage.

1:24:10 Brennan: Halved, yeah. 27 halved to 13.

1:24:15 Zac: Okay.

1:24:16 Riz: Mary Ann and The Ball. The wrecking crew.

1:24:20 Gorgug: What happened? Did you see it?

1:24:21 Fabian: Yes, she hit you hard!

1:24:24 Gorgug: How did she go that hard?

1:24:26 Fabian: I don't even know!

1:24:28 Murph: Can I cast Detect Magic? Just use one of my devices? My necktie, kinda click it and do a little scan of the field to see if she's been enhanced by anything?

1:24:40 Brennan: Yeah, she has.

1:24:41 Murph: She has!

1:24:41 Brennan: Yeah, she has.

1:24:45 Fabian: Great job, Mary Ann. Way to play.

1:24:47 Brennan: Gorthalax says,

1:24:47 Gorthalax: Yeah, Mary Ann. Incredible hustle out there. Holy shit.

1:24:53 Brennan: You see Mary Ann goes,

1:24:53 Mary Ann: [very little inflection] Okay. Bye.

1:24:56 Brennan: And turns around and walks away.

1:24:58 Gorgug: Hell!

1:24:59 Brennan: Gorthalax leans in and says,

1:24:59 Gorthalax: Holy shit, fellas! Can you imagine having her on the squad? We're gonna destroy the Hellions!

1:25:08 Gorgug: I guess.

1:25:09 Fabian: Yeah, yeah, I mean, she's on. Skill like that, I mean, you can't say no.

1:25:17 Gorgug: Did anyone record that? I just wanna watch it back.

1:25:20 Fabian: Gorthalax, did you see how... Did she run?

1:25:23 Gorthalax: Well, she wasn't running, but then as soon as the ball made contact with your hand, which is when it's legal to tackle, she was off the ground. She didn't actually run. She just jumped.

1:25:40 Gorgug: She's got that dog in her.

1:25:40 Gorthalax: She's got that dog in her!

1:25:43 Fabian: There's only one way to describe play like that, and it's by someone with a dog in them.

1:25:48 Gorthalax: Mary Ann, you wanna come back? Come back real quick, Mary Ann?

1:25:49 Brennan: She turns around. You see she's got a backpack that has a little puffy stuffed animal strawberry hanging from the zipper. She comes back and says,

1:25:59 Mary Ann: Yeah?

1:26:01 Fabian: We just had a brief chat. You're really incredible, and we'd love if you'd consider... A lot of other people here, we'll tell them later, but your skill was so immense that we just wanted to say we'd be thrilled to have you on the team this year.

1:26:14 Mary Ann: Okay.

1:26:16 Gorgug: Are you excited about that, or?

1:26:17 Mary Ann: Mm-hmm.

1:26:17 Gorgug: You are?

1:26:19 Mary Ann: Hm?

1:26:21 Gorgug: Do you wanna elaborate on anything?

1:26:23 Mary Ann: No.

1:26:24 Fabian: All right, well, we practice four days after school, if you just wanna be here right after the final bell.

1:26:30 Mary Ann: Okay.

1:26:30 Fabian: Okay!

1:26:32 Mary Ann: Email the schedule?

1:26:32 Fabian: Yeah, we'll follow up.

1:26:35 Mary Ann: Okay.

1:26:35 Gorgug: You psyched, or?

1:26:36 Mary Ann: Yeah. [Ally laughs]

1:26:38 Fabian: We sometimes like to do team hangs. Would you wanna come to those?

1:26:43 Mary Ann: What?

1:26:43 Fabian: Team hangs. You know, kind of group bonding activities.

1:26:48 Mary Ann: Is that required?

1:26:48 Fabian: No, but we like to do it as—

1:26:51 Mary Ann: Okay, bye.

1:26:51 Gorgug: The last required thing—

1:26:53 Brennan: Turns around and walks away.

1:26:55 Murph: I Prestidigitation some hype about The Ball, about all the hustle that he showed out there.

1:27:03 Zac: Hype about The Ball?

1:27:03 Fabian: Did you hear that?

1:27:06 Brennan: All right, okay!

1:27:08 Murph: You just hear whispers of people being like, “Riz was good.”

1:27:15 Brennan: Riz, you see Gorthalax comes over and says,

1:27:15 Gorthalax: Hey bud. Buddy, buddy boy.

1:27:20 Riz: Coach.

1:27:22 Gorthalax: You don't have to call me Coach.

1:27:25 Ally: Oh no!

1:27:26 Riz: Okay.

1:27:28 Gorthalax: We're gonna get 'em next year.

1:27:29 Riz: Right on!

1:27:30 Gorthalax: We're gonna get 'em next year.

1:27:31 Riz: Okay, that's fine. I actually have a couple more meetings and tryouts that I need to get to, like, right now.

1:27:35 Gorthalax: Oh yeah!

1:27:35 Riz: If I'm cut, let me know.

1:27:36 Gorthalax: You're cut, man. You gotta go.

1:27:37 Murph: I run. Dash action.

1:27:39 Brennan: Dash to the next extracurricular. I love that you're here not because you love the bloodrush team, but just like, I've got to get more on the resume.

1:27:47 Murph: I'm just literally changing uniforms as I run across the field.

1:27:51 Brennan: Hell yeah.

1:27:53 Murph: Oh, and I think I pass on to you guys that she was buffed by some kind of magic.

1:27:58 Fabian: Oh. I was, as well.

1:28:02 Gorgug: I was in a rage.

1:28:02 Fabian: Yes. Good to know.

1:28:06 Murph: Does Detect Magic tell me... Oh, it does.

1:28:09 Siobhan: Doesn't it tell you the class of magic?

1:28:11 Emily: Thought it tells you school of magic.

1:28:12 Siobhan: School of magic? It doesn't tell you the exact spell.

1:28:13 Murph: “You sense the presence of magic, and you learn its school of magic, if any.”

1:28:17 Brennan: Oh, so the school of magic?

1:28:17 Murph: Uh-huh.

1:28:18 Brennan: What school of magic is Enhance Ability?

1:28:20 Murph: Oh, she had Enhance Ability?

1:28:20 Lou: Transmutation.

1:28:22 Brennan: She had Transmutation on her.

1:28:23 Murph: Got it, okay.

1:28:24 Ally: But at what level to get such a buff? Didn't you get a d4 for that?

1:28:28 Lou: No, you just get advantage.

1:28:30 Siobhan: So even still, with advantage, that's pretty sick.

1:28:34 Emily: Yeah, it means that she has more than a plus 15 to her Athletics.

1:28:38 Siobhan: Right, or at least a plus 15, 'cause she could've crit, we don't know.

1:28:41 Emily: She could have, but I feel like he would have said you have to beat a crit.

1:28:43 Siobhan: I think so, too.

1:28:44 Brennan: The end of that school day, everyone's piling out again. As you guys are wrapping up classes and everything, you see that walking out of the school, or waiting, I should say, as you guys walk out of the school, you see that Bucky is waving.

1:28:57 Kristen: Hey, how was your first day?

1:28:59 Bucky: It was awesome. It was hard. It's like, I walked in... I'm doing paladin. I'm doing paladin stuff.

1:29:06 Kristen: Cool. Great sword, by the way. I was gonna say, where did you get this?

1:29:09 Bucky: Yeah. It's one of Dad's old ones. I mean, he uses polearms now, but it's an old longsword. So I'm doing paladin of Helio. It's awesome.

1:29:20 Kristen: That's great, yeah.

1:29:21 Bucky: How are you?

1:29:23 Kristen: I'm really good, yeah. I'm living with some friends. I don't know if you've met Jawbone, the guidance counselor. He's amazing.

1:29:33 Bucky: Okay.

1:29:34 Kristen: It was just, you know, I had a hard time with Mom and Dad. I don't think they necessarily get me. They make me feel like I've made weird life choices. Yeah, I feel very free. But how has it been for you guys? You're good? Probably having just a normal, fine time.

1:29:57 Bucky: I haven't told Mom and Dad about the gold.

1:30:01 Kristen: Oh yeah, that's okay.

1:30:02 Bucky: But I'm lying.

1:30:02 Kristen: Oh.

1:30:04 Bucky: And I'm gonna go to Hell when I die. I'm gonna go straight to Hell for liars.

1:30:10 Kristen: You know, I think—

1:30:11 Brennan: You see Bucky looks over at Fig.

1:30:13 Fig: Join us. [all laughing]

1:30:17 Bucky: I gotta go!

1:30:17 Kristen: No, wait!

1:30:18 Bucky: No, it's okay. I really miss you, but you're living in sin, maybe, I don't know.

1:30:26 Kristen: Maybe, yeah.

1:30:26 Bucky: Really?

1:30:28 Kristen: Well, no.

1:30:28 Bucky: You admit it!

1:30:29 Kristen: It might be more poetic than that. What if there isn't a Hell that you get punished for for lying? What if it's just, you have decreasing relationships with the people around you that could be [clicks tongue] that much better if you were honest? Doesn't that make more sense than a burning Hell that happens 80 years later?

1:30:46 Brennan: Give me a Persuasion check.

1:30:50 Ally: Goddammit, I really wanted that. That is a 16.

1:30:55 Brennan: As you say that, you see Gorthalax walks by in the background being like,

1:30:59 Gorthalax: Yeah, Hell, let me tell you about it.

1:31:02 Brennan: And sort of walks away. He's like,

1:31:03 Bucky: I don't know, Hell feels pretty real. I just wanted to say that I had to fight really hard for Mom and Dad to let me come here, and I really miss you.

1:31:18 Kristen: We should have lunch once a week, if you can fit it into your schedule or something.

1:31:22 Bucky: Yeah, our lunches line up sometimes.

1:31:23 Kristen: Yeah, so that'd be awesome. We can hang out a little bit.

1:31:27 Bucky: You wouldn't be— I know I'm a freshman, but...

1:31:29 Kristen: Oh, I'm not here trying to be cool. I'm here trying to be president.

1:31:34 Bucky: I'll vote for you.

1:31:34 Kristen: I'm running for president, by the way, I don't know if you wanna tell all the freshmen you can. I give him a bunch of—

1:31:38 Bucky: I will!

1:31:40 Adaine: Why are you talking to freshmen?

1:31:42 Kristen: Adaine!

1:31:44 Adaine: Who is this?

1:31:44 Kristen: This is my brother!

1:31:45 Adaine: Oh, hi! It's so nice to meet you!

1:31:49 Bucky: [a little robotically] Hello. I do not accept the ways of sin.

1:31:53 Adaine: Okay. I had a half a bottle of beer once.

1:31:56 Bucky: Wow. What'd it taste like? Never mind, I don't wanna know. Listen.

1:32:00 Kristen: Actually, I didn't love it.

1:32:01 Bucky: I bet it would be great. For sinners, would love it. Kristen, I gotta go soon. I'm already telling all the kids in my class that they're going to Hell, so I'll tell them to vote for you.

1:32:16 Kristen: You know what? Just stick with your script. And then I'll kinda do my thing. I have a different plan than that.

1:32:25 Bucky: Okay.

1:32:25 Adaine: You know what, actually? You should take this campaign pin.

1:32:29 Siobhan: I give him a campaign pin for Kettlechip Krispykreme or whatever.

1:32:35 Brennan: Kipperlilly Copperkettle?

1:32:35 Kristen: Oh, that's great. It's all part of the plan. Tell people they're going to Hell, but before they do, vote for Kettle Krispykreme.

1:32:47 Brennan: You see Bucky smiles and says,

1:32:50 Bucky: This has a little rat in between—

1:32:53 Adaine: Two butt cheeks, yeah.

1:32:56 Bucky: The new cleric of Helio in town has that.

1:33:01 Kristen: What's that?

1:33:01 Bucky: There's a transfer student from Highcourt here. Mom and Dad love him.

1:33:06 Kristen: And he's part of the Butt Fuckers? [players laugh]

1:33:10 Brennan: Bucky goes,

1:33:10 Bucky: [screeches]

1:33:10 Brennan: And sprints away from school.

1:33:13 Kristen: He's part of the Butt Grinders! Come back! Goddammit, I should've gotten more info!

1:33:20 Fabian: I don't know what anyone's doing after... later, but I have a free place if anyone wants to come over help me find dinner.

1:33:32 Adaine: I actually think I need to... How do you get a job? Why am I asking you?

1:33:38 Fabian: Oh, I have no idea!

1:33:40 Fig: I have a job. What you do—

1:33:40 Adaine: You have a job? Oh, of course, you're a rock star. I'm sorry.

1:33:45 Fig: No, I'm not a rock star right now. I lost that job.

1:33:50 Adaine: Oh, I don't think you lose that job. I think you just take a break from it.

1:33:54 Fig: Well, if you don't make a good sophomore album, then yeah, you fucking lose that job! But the way I got my other job, which is running Hell, is I found out that my dad was a devil and then he was trapped in a gem, and I inherited the responsibilities.

1:34:09 Adaine: Yeah, so my dad, I killed. [Fabian hums sympathetically]

1:34:13 Adaine: And then my mum is—

1:34:13 Fig: So you inherit his job.

1:34:16 Adaine: I actually don't know if that isn't how that works. Fallinel's rules are really weird. But actually, if anyone was gonna inherit it, it would probably be Aelwyn. You know what, I actually might look into that.

1:34:29 Fig: I also worked at Subway Sandwiches for a little bit.

1:34:31 Adaine: How was that?

1:34:31 Fig: I got fired for putting too much mayonnaise on the sandwiches.

1:34:35 Gorgug: Weren't you a doctor?

1:34:37 Fig: Oh, I've also been a doctor, a detective.

1:34:39 Adaine: Oh wow, yeah, you've gotten a lot of jobs. How do they pay? I need like 10 barrels of diamonds.

1:34:45 Kristen: Oh.

1:34:46 Fig: Well—

1:34:46 Adaine: Like, today.

1:34:48 Fabian: Oh.

1:34:48 Fig: I mean, okay. Where do they sell diamonds? A jewelry store?

1:34:54 Adaine: A wholesaler is what my teacher said. A diamond wholesaler. She said it like I should know.

1:35:01 Riz: Is one of the Rat Grinders a wizard?

1:35:05 Gorgug: [counting on his fingers] They have a cleric, a rogue, a barbarian who kicked my ass.

1:35:11 Fabian: And then a bard in Ruben.

1:35:13 Adaine: Seems like there might be a fighter and a wizard, also.

1:35:16 Riz: Yeah, 'cause far be it from me to steal from another student, but if it had to be one—

1:35:21 Adaine: Sometimes stealing isn't stealing so much as reappropriating.

1:35:26 Brennan: You guys see that buses start to pull out. The school's sort of shutting down for the night.

1:35:31 Fabian: I mean, I'm headed home. Again, if anyone... It's a house and a lot of me but, you know...

1:35:37 Gorgug: I've got to wrap my head around my new schedule.

1:35:40 Fabian: Yeah.

1:35:40 Kristen: I've got a lot of writing to still do.

1:35:42 Adaine: I have a lot of homework to do, but I could do it at your house if you could drop me back later.

1:35:45 Kristen: Yeah, same.

1:35:45 Riz: Same.

1:35:46 Fabian: Yeah.

1:35:46 Riz: I'll do a study party.

1:35:47 Fabian: Yeah, let's do it!

1:35:47 Fabian: Come study party!

1:35:49 Adaine: Sure, yeah!

1:35:49 Fabian: Yes!

1:35:50 Kristen: Let's do it.

1:35:51 Adaine: You have food there, right? There's so much food.

1:35:52 Fabian: Yes, there's definitely food. We just have to find it.

1:35:56 Adaine: Okay, that's easy. Riz is so good at investigating.

1:35:58 Murph: Riz is on the job.

1:35:59 Brennan: A little study party unfolds at Seacaster Manor.

1:36:02 Siobhan: Milk for everyone!

1:36:02 Brennan: Milk for everyone.

1:36:05 Fabian: So I found the milk refrigerator. We have one refrigerator just for milks, and the many varieties. But everything else is a mystery to me.

1:36:12 Murph: Can Riz Investigate to try to find the other food?

1:36:14 Siobhan: I'll give Riz the Help action to Investigate.

1:36:16 Brennan: Yeah, go for it.

1:36:17 Murph: I look around.

1:36:17 Riz: This is harder than I thought it would be.

1:36:20 Adaine: How do you open these cabinets? There's no handle.

1:36:23 Murph: I actually rolled really bad, but I got a 16.

1:36:26 Brennan: There are cabinets, there's food, but what you see is—the milk refrigerator is filled with milk, you know, and in three weeks, it'll all be bad.

1:36:37 Adaine: Wow.

1:36:38 Kristen: I guess we have to drink all this milk.

1:36:41 Riz: I guess I could pound some milk.

1:36:42 Adaine: How do you make cottage cheese? [Kristen gasps]

1:36:44 Fabian: Ooh!

1:36:45 Gorgug: I'm gonna take off.

1:36:45 Fabian: Okay! Well, I can also order food. This...

1:36:53 Lou: What did my mother leave me to order food?

1:36:56 Brennan: It's basically a crystal screen, like an iPad in the wall that you open to a delivery app. So 100% of your meals will be delivered.

1:37:05 Ally: Can I try to order us 10 pad thais?

1:37:07 Brennan: Yeah, for sure. [die clatters]

1:37:09 Ally: That's a little bit cocked, but it was kinda 19 on the die. [die clatters] But I'll be honest. All right. What do I roll for that?

1:37:17 Emily: Why did you roll without even being asked?

1:37:19 Siobhan: Why are you rolling for pad thai?

1:37:20 Emily: You said, can I order us 10 pad thais?

1:37:21 Siobhan: What are your pad thai stats?

1:37:23 Brennan: I'm trying to think narratively how a success or failure on ordering pad thai—

1:37:26 Ally: Because the pad was really hard to use. He tried to use it the whole morning.

1:37:30 Brennan: Yes, yes, yes. Okay.

1:37:30 Ally: It seemed really challenging.

1:37:32 Brennan: I think, add your Intelligence to that.

1:37:34 Ally: Okay, great.

1:37:36 Siobhan: How smart is Kristen?

1:37:36 Ally: 17.

1:37:38 Brennan: 17. Yeah, you do it. You get 10 pad thais on the way.

1:37:44 Gorgug: I'm gonna hang out for a little longer.

1:37:46 Fabian: Okay.

1:37:48 Gorgug: Riz, can you look at my schedule and tell me what I have to do?

1:37:51 Fabian: Yeah, totally.

1:37:53 Siobhan: Oof.

1:37:54 Brennan: So you spend this first night putting your schedules together. The schedules here are deeply fucking challenging, none more so than Gorgug's. Gorgug has to do four years of school this year, plus the Owlbears.

1:38:08 Siobhan: I'm taking pinches of diamond dust out of my jacket, one pinch at a time.

1:38:14 Brennan: Yes!

1:38:14 Ally: Nice.

1:38:15 Siobhan: Putting it into one of the pirate barrels.

1:38:17 Brennan: Yes, just trying to get this barrel full of diamonds as best as you can. Later that night, Adaine, actually, as you're doing that, Aelwyn texts you a link and says,

1:38:28 Aelwyn: Bad money, dash, store credits for wizardly material components.

1:38:34 Brennan: And it's a job listing for the Synod of Spyre Mall. It's basically like, because it's a place where wizards congregate, there's a bunch of wizard shit there, and their employees, 'cause they're just starting up, they're offering a 40% discount on store items for employees at the mall.

1:38:53 Adaine: I could get a job at the mall. That's a thing that teens do, right?

1:38:57 Kristen: Cool.

1:38:57 Fabian: Yes.

1:38:58 Fig: Yeah, there's usually kind of a scene.

1:38:59 Kristen: Yeah, you'd be part of a scene.

1:39:01 Fabian: Yes, I mean, between the party scene here at my house and then also you just kind of running the mall?

1:39:07 Adaine: That's crazy.

1:39:07 Riz: A lot of scenes.

1:39:08 Kristen: Coming to all of my speaking engagements.

1:39:10 Adaine: Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, I'm definitely gonna do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just sort of assuming that my part in it would be handing out pins, but yeah, if you want me to come to the speeches, sure, absolutely.

1:39:21 Brennan: Give me an Investigation to see what kind of job you can find at the mall. [die clatters]

1:39:28 Siobhan: That was so close to an 18. That is a two. Wait, an Investigation? That's a six. I don't know how to look for a job.

1:39:38 Brennan: You're looking, you're looking. You do the filter wrong on how it's filtering. So you thought you were looking for most relevant, and maybe that's not actually what you selected. But you see one that is basically saying, it doesn't need you to submit a resume, it's just interview only, right off the bat, is a little shop at the Synod Mall called Oodles of Strudel.

1:40:02 Adaine: I like strudel. Who doesn't like strudel, right?

1:40:05 Fabian: Strudel is very good.

1:40:08 Siobhan: And what does it pay? Does it say?

1:40:10 Brennan: It says—

1:40:10 Zac: Probably oodles.

1:40:13 Siobhan: I mean, I'm assuming. It's in the name.

1:40:17 Brennan: This pays two silver pieces a day.

1:40:19 Adaine: Is that good? Two silver pieces a day?

1:40:21 Gorgug: It's kinda good. Could be worse, right?

1:40:23 Adaine: Right?

1:40:23 Brennan: And you get a 40% discount at a place that sells all the wizard stuff you need.

1:40:27 Siobhan: Anywhere in the mall, right?

1:40:27 Brennan: Yeah, anywhere in the mall.

1:40:29 Ally: Nice.

1:40:29 Siobhan: How do I apply? Do I just email them, or do I have to go to... I could just go to the mall, right?

1:40:34 Brennan: Yeah.

1:40:34 Siobhan: Do I just show up?

1:40:36 Brennan: You have the keys to the synod, if you wanted to go.

1:40:37 Adaine: Yeah, does anybody wanna go to the mall right now?

1:40:40 Fig: Actually, President Kristen?

1:40:43 Kristen: Yeah. At ease.

1:40:45 Emily: I'm wearing an earpiece now.

1:40:51 Fig: President Kristen, permission to attend warlock class tonight? Do you feel safe?

1:40:57 Kristen: Incredible. Yes, permission granted. Thank you for your service.

1:41:01 Emily: I take out the earpiece and I give it to you.

1:41:01 Kristen: Thanks.

1:41:01 Ally: I give it to Gorgug.

1:41:05 Gorgug: I actually probably need to go home. This thing's broken. This is one half of a set of headphones.

1:41:13 Brennan: Amazing, so yeah, you have the keys. If you wanna just go in person—

1:41:17 Siobhan: Go get 'em attitude, right?

1:41:19 Brennan: Yeah, I mean, the mall's probably gonna close. Well actually, no, the Elm Valley Mall closes, but the Mall of the Synod is—

1:41:24 Siobhan: It's 24 hours, right?

1:41:27 Brennan: It's 24 hours, 'cause it's available to wizards throughout different fucking dimensions.

1:41:30 Siobhan: Right.

1:41:31 Brennan: Yeah, if you wanna go there, you can, and yeah, it's about 7:30 PM, about time to head over.

1:41:35 Fig: I got leave from my president, so.

1:41:38 Adaine: You take your job really seriously. Kristen and Fig both salute.

1:41:41 Fig: Fucking honor to serve.

1:41:43 Brennan: Going around, technically, bard, barbarian, warlock.

1:41:51 Emily: Yeah, I'm doing it all, because I'm terrified of failing at my sophomore album, so I'm putting my energy into everything but that.

1:41:58 Brennan: So just to outline, because again, a lot of your junior year is sort of, everything's piling up. So just to put it all together, wizard classes, need part time job, Elven Oracle.

1:42:11 Siobhan: I am also in the AV club.

1:42:13 Brennan: Adaine's also in the AV club. Gorgug, barbarian, Owlbears, and freshman, sophomore, and junior year of artificer all simultaneously.

1:42:21 Zac: Right, something might have to give at some point.

1:42:25 Brennan: For Fig, undeclared warlock classes, bard classes auditing, question mark? Barbarian, auditing, question mark? But full bore for both, plus sophomore album.

1:42:37 Emily: My girlfriend's out of town, okay? I'm spiraling!

1:42:39 Brennan: Spiraling.

1:42:39 Emily: I cradle the scroll.

1:42:41 Brennan: Fabian, full bard, full fighter, Owlbears, master of ceremonies. Riz, Fabian, and Gorgug get a text from Ragh being like,

1:42:49 Ragh: What's up, motherfuckers? Back in town and nobody's safe. Nut tap central. I've deeply missed you. Heard about the party house. Noice!

1:43:00 Brennan: Rogue classes, as many extracurriculars as you can scarf down your fucking gullet, plus campaign manager for student president.

1:43:09 Fig: Riz, do you wanna be my intern?

1:43:12 Riz: Do you offer credit?

1:43:14 Brennan: We also have Kristen as cleric, student president, plus, you know, prophet. Have you told the rest of the Bad Kids about Kalina, by the way?

1:43:20 Ally: Yes, I wanted to take a second and let everyone know, Kalina is back, this was her exact vibe.

1:43:26 Adaine: Riz's girlfriend Kalina?

1:43:26 Kristen: Yes.

1:43:28 Riz: Not my girlfriend.

1:43:28 Kristen: Riz's girlfriend.

1:43:30 Adaine: Riz's dad's girlfriend Kalina?

1:43:32 Fig: Just walk me through it, 'cause I'm just the security detail. What is Kalina's angle? Kalina's like, let's go manipulate people into following you?

1:43:43 Kristen: I don't know, she just had that power marketeer look on her face of, I know exactly what we'll do. But I don't really... I don't completely see her angle. Does she get to come back?

1:43:54 Gorgug: What was the first thing she said?

1:43:56 Brennan: “Hello, Kristen?”

1:43:56 Fig: She said hello, Kristen?

1:43:59 Adaine: That bitch!

1:44:01 Gorgug: “I'm good now?”

1:44:02 Kristen: Yeah. Oh yeah, "I'm good now," yeah. So she's pretending to be reformed or something. I think she's just excited to not be blasted out of existence anymore.

1:44:13 Adaine: I mean, I get that.

1:44:15 Kristen: She has a little toe in the door, and I think she's really trying to push it open as much as she can.

1:44:21 Brennan: So Riz, I think this is the map you see in front of you. This is what you see, in order to get you guys graduated. You also find something in that 30 you rolled earlier, the last thing I'll give you on that very high roll. Your party composition is announced at the end of your first day. Students whose party composition for any reason changes during the course of a year automatically become pass-fail. So in other words, if anyone were to leave the party, drop out, die permanently, all the other party members become pass-fail. They are not gonna be punished, but pass-fail unfortunately doesn't allow you to get extra credit. You don't get the extra credit of those extracurriculars. It just basically means that you move into this academic state where you're hand-waved through, but you are in a position where you cannot be hand-waved through. You need to succeed profoundly with every brass ring available to you.

1:45:18 Ally: Does party composition include multiclassing and changes that we just made?

1:45:21 Brennan: Not multiclassing.

1:45:23 Ally: It's just exiting the party.

1:45:24 Brennan: Exiting the party, and your status at Aguefort.

1:45:28 Emily: Or someone dying.

1:45:32 Adaine: So if we kill one of the Rat Grinders, they don't get to go to college!

1:45:36 Riz: Which helps us?

1:45:36 Zac: If we became pass-fail and Riz was trying to pad his resume, it would not help him pad his...?

1:45:44 Brennan: Riz moving to pass-fail would really hurt him.

1:45:46 Riz: So I wouldn't be able to get a scholarship, essentially. But that's fine, 'cause we're all gonna graduate! We're good.

1:45:55 Brennan: Nighttime activities that night. Adaine, you go to the synod. Astral blue light. [marketplace music] Panes of translucent energy. Rippling blue glass made of pure thought magic forming planes, tiles, walls, fountain, sunglass kiosk, palm tree, all made of rippling arcane energy. You begin to see ancient wizards with hats and staves moving throughout the mall.

1:46:31 Adaine: Hello, good morrow. A fine day.

1:46:35 Wizard: Good morrow to thee, yes!

1:46:38 Brennan: You see there's a little wizard going around.

1:46:40 Wizard: Hello. Oh, a Jacket of Useful Things. A world of wonders awaits inside, but perilous the journey of egress!

1:46:51 Adaine: I mostly use it to get erasers. I lose them all the time.

1:46:55 Wizard: Yes, an eraser is a hard thing to come by. I wish you well, fellow magus of the synod. Now, to Ochre Julius! Ochre Jellius!

1:47:12 Brennan: You see there's a bunch of other places around. You see in the back, there's this big food court where there's stairs. It's a two story mall, and the big open air where you see the balcony and the stores on the upper level.

1:47:24 Siobhan: I am so trepidatious, walking towards this place. Suddenly it's so important that I get a job, and I don't know how to do it. It feels so grownup.

1:47:37 Brennan: You walk up to Oodles of Strudel, which is one of those mall restaurants that doesn't even have a kitchen.

1:47:45 Siobhan: Sure.

1:47:46 Brennan: You see it's almost like an Auntie Anne's Pretzels.

1:47:48 Siobhan: Right, there's a little toaster oven. They just heat it up for you.

1:47:49 Brennan: They just heat it up.

1:47:51 Siobhan: Half toaster oven, microwave, combined.

1:47:53 Brennan: You see there's a small area with a steel cover on a lid, but it's floating in astral space, so you can kind of see that it's just a little steel chafing dish, deeper kind of thing. It has a ladle in it. You see that there is a portal in the back wall that is crackling with this violent pink energy in deep black space. And there is a strudel, this long danish-like pastry, that is coming out of the portal, and then there's a crank to crank it out of the portal, and then there's a place to chop it quickly with a sort of paper cutter chop down thing.

1:48:33 Adaine: Is that an infinite strudel void?

1:48:35 Strudel Guy: It's the strudel dimension.

1:48:35 Adaine: The strudel dimension.

1:48:37 Strudel Guy: What? Yes, hello.

1:48:37 Adaine: Hi. I'm sorry.

1:48:41 Brennan: Sort of a little bit of... It looks like some missed spots shaving, a little bit of acne, a little bit of unshowered hair, paper hat, white shirt, apron that says Oodles of Strudel on it. Guy turns around.

1:48:56 Strudel Guy: Hey, can I help you?

1:48:59 Adaine: Yes, I was looking for a job?

1:49:02 Strudel Guy: Okay, are you looking for a job here at Oodles of Strudel?

1:49:05 Adaine: Honestly anywhere, but yeah, this is, yeah.

1:49:07 Strudel Guy: Okay, pay is two silver pieces per shift. Shifts are eight hours.

1:49:10 Adaine: Great.

1:49:12 Strudel Guy: Okay.

1:49:12 Adaine: Hours?

1:49:13 Strudel Guy: Do you have any other conflicts?

1:49:14 Adaine: School.

1:49:17 Strudel Guy: [rolls his eyes and slumps over briefly in annoyance] Okay. Can you work graveyard shift?

1:49:22 Adaine: What's the graveyard shift?

1:49:23 Strudel Guy: Well, I don't know what planet you're from. Spyre?

1:49:27 Adaine: Yeah.

1:49:27 Strudel Guy: Okay, so after school, could you come here and work for eight hours?

1:49:32 Adaine: I mean, that seems... Yeah, no, I can do that.

1:49:35 Strudel Guy: Okay.

1:49:36 Adaine: How long are hours here?

1:49:38 Brennan: You see he points up to a flickering, multidimensional clock that is hovering above the fountain.

1:49:47 Strudel Guy: Just focus on that like you would a magic eye, and your time from your home dimension will come into focus.

1:49:56 Adaine: Okay, so it's eight hours. That's random. That's weird, that's it's the same.

1:49:59 Strudel Guy: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah.

1:49:59 Adaine: No, great. Eight hours.

1:50:02 Strudel Guy: Strudel dimension, don't put your hand in it. Don't put your hand in it.

1:50:07 Adaine: Okay, what happens if I do?

1:50:08 Strudel Guy: [loudly] Don't put your hand in it!

1:50:08 Adaine: I'm not going to! I wouldn't.

1:50:11 Strudel Guy: Okay, use the crank. Pulls the strudel out. Strudel has not ended yet, okay? But the store's only been open for about four days. We don't know if the strudel's infinite. If people ask if the strudel's infinite, you just say, "What is infinite is these savings." Okay? And then you offer them one of the sales on the menu. We don't know if the strudel is infinite. It just hasn't ended yet.

1:50:31 Adaine: Okay.

1:50:31 Strudel Guy: Okay?

1:50:32 Adaine: In four days?

1:50:32 Strudel Guy: What?

1:50:34 Adaine: It hasn't ended in four days?

1:50:36 Strudel Guy: [sighs] I don't know if this is gonna work.

1:50:38 Adaine: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, it was just a clarifying question.

1:50:42 Strudel Guy: It's not like a puzzle. It's just, there's strudel. It comes out of the hole. The hole was here.

1:50:46 Adaine: You're a wizard?

1:50:46 Strudel Guy: What?

1:50:47 Adaine: Are you a wizard?

1:50:47 Strudel Guy: No!

1:50:50 Adaine: Oh, okay, I just assumed that everybody here was a wizard.

1:50:53 Strudel Guy: Yeah, not everybody here is a wizard. It's actually pretty weird for stores here to even…

1:50:56 Brennan: You see he points over at another place called Bloodbath and Beyond and you see it's just pure energons, these energy constructs that are basically manifested Unseen Servants. He's like,

1:51:10 Strudel Guy: Yeah, wizards mostly tend to make energy beings and constructs that work for no money.

1:51:15 Adaine: And if I were to do that, would I get paid for it?

1:51:20 Strudel Guy: [sighs] In the employee handbook, which, if you get the job, you will read—

1:51:24 Adaine: I will absolutely read it. I love to read.

1:51:25 Strudel Guy: You are not allowed to summon any form of help. You are allowed to use telekinetic magic with a waiver.

1:51:31 Adaine: Okay, so how do I get the waiver? It's fine! No no no, it's okay! I'll read the handbook, I'll read the handbook!

1:51:38 Strudel Guy: Okay, thing number two. You've got to keep the sauce hot! The sauce has got to be hot!

1:51:44 Adaine: The strudel sauce?

1:51:45 Strudel Guy: Yes.

1:51:45 Adaine: What's in the sauce? It's in the handbook, I'll look it up! I'm so sorry. I have never had a job before, but I'm really excited, and I'm gonna work really hard for eight hours a day.

1:51:54 Strudel Guy: Eight hours a day, people come, they order strudel. You pull the strudel out of the portal. You cut it. You put it in a paper. Before you put it in the paper—

1:52:03 Adaine: You put hot sauce in the paper? I'm asking genuinely! You look really mad at me.

1:52:10 Strudel Guy: Asking questions about how Oodles of Strudel works makes me think that you don't get Oodles of Strudel as a brand.

1:52:16 Adaine: I do. I'm loyal to Oodles of Strudel.

1:52:23 Strudel Guy: Okay, there's a lot of people who want this job. There are people who would kill for this job. People your age, high schoolers, would kill for this job. You get 400ff anywhere in the store. Anywhere in the mall, 40

1:52:33 Adaine: Yeah, you're right. I'm excited to have this job. I'm gonna read the handbook back and forth, sir. What's your name?

1:52:38 Strudel Guy: Biff!

1:52:42 Adaine: Okay.

1:52:42 Biff: I'm your manager, okay?

1:52:45 Adaine: Thank you, Biff. My name's Adaine.

1:52:48 Biff: [uncaring] Sure. You gotta keep the sauce hot!

1:52:50 Adaine: Hot. The sauce is hot.

1:52:54 Biff: You ask them if they want sauce. Strudel, chop. Do you want sauce? They say yes, one ladle. They ask for extra, it's two copper.

1:53:04 Adaine: Do I have to use the ladle?

1:53:04 Biff: What?

1:53:05 Adaine: It's just a little triggering for me. But it's fine, I'll figure it out.

1:53:10 Biff: Just read the employee handbook.

1:53:11 Adaine: Yeah, I'm gonna read the employee handbook so well.

1:53:13 Biff: Okay. Literally, you're hired. You see he hands you the employee handbook. [shakes Adaine’s hand] Welcome to Oodles of Strudel.

1:53:20 Adaine: Thank you. When do I start?

1:53:23 Biff: You wanna start tomorrow?

1:53:23 Adaine: Yeah, okay.

1:53:24 Biff: Yeah.

1:53:24 Adaine: Yeah.

1:53:25 Biff: Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.

1:53:25 Adaine: Great.

1:53:26 Biff: Great. Here you go.

1:53:26 Siobhan: I shake his hand again.

1:53:28 Brennan: You shake his hand again and he gives you a paper hat and a uniform and stuff like that.

1:53:32 Adaine: Thank you.

1:53:32 Brennan: And off you go.

1:53:35 Adaine: Can I have my familiar here? Is that okay? I can make him a little hat.

1:53:39 Brennan: He opens a drawer and gets a tiny little paper hat.

1:53:41 Adaine: Thank you. He'll look really cute. He'll help sales.

1:53:45 Biff: If he says anything—

1:53:47 Adaine: Oh no, he mostly just ribbits.

1:53:49 Biff: I'll have to check the employee handbook, but I think that's okay.

1:53:51 Adaine: Thank you.

1:53:51 Biff: Okay.

1:53:53 Adaine: Okay, bye.

1:53:53 Siobhan: I disappear out of existence.

1:53:54 Brennan: Whoosh, you appear back in the kitchen with your other friends who are doing stuff here.

1:53:57 Adaine: I got a job! Bad Kids ooh.

1:53:57 Riz: Congratulations.

1:54:01 Fabian: Pad thai is here.

1:54:04 Brennan: Anything else that happens that night? We have warlock class.

1:54:08 Lou: I just wanna text Mazey and see,

1:54:12 Fabian: When is prime first party of the year season? When's the moment to come out and emerge as the party house?

1:54:21 Brennan: You see she says,

1:54:21 Mazey: Well, depends on how much of a legend you're trying to be.

1:54:26 Fabian: Maximum legend.

1:54:28 Mazey: Friday night, first week.

1:54:30 Fabian: Put the word out. It's going down. Seacaster Manor. Everyone's invited, even the fucking freshmen.

1:54:37 Mazey: 'Bout to fuck up your house, king.

1:54:40 Fabian: Good luck!

1:54:43 Brennan: So you set that up. Fig, nighttime at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy.

1:54:49 Lou: [admiring the background change] Ooh!

1:54:50 Brennan: As you arrive at nighttime, you see a single room with lights on in the building at the warlock classroom.

1:54:56 Emily: I think I'm gonna cast Darkness on myself and then go in, so I'm hidden in darkness.

1:55:03 Brennan: You begin to walk through.

1:55:04 Emily: I just wanna hug the corner, so I can just kinda watch from the corner.

1:55:08 Brennan: You begin to hear a shuffling, kind of bumping noise as you walk into the classroom, and I'm gonna need you to make a Dexterity saving throw. [die clatters]

1:55:21 Emily: That's a 10.

1:55:22 Brennan: You get elbowed hard in the head, and you fall down and accidentally stick one of your hands into what feels like a kind of, it's some sort of construction putty.

1:55:38 Lou: What is it with you and cement?

1:55:41 Fig: I already lost a boot to you!

1:55:44 Brennan: Some sort of spackle jar. You hear a voice say,

1:55:46 Voice: Students, you have all cast Darkness on yourselves, and you are bumping into each other. Please dismiss. Please dismiss.

1:55:56 Emily: I dismiss it.

1:55:57 Brennan: One of the most stunningly beautiful women you've ever seen sits, the chair to the side of the desk, looking out. She has dark eyeshadow on, medium brown skin, long ponytail in the back, blood red lips. You see two fangs extend from her mouth. Up on the blackboard, it says Professor Zara Sool.

1:56:19 Zara: Welcome, students who wish to pursue the intricate and deadly art of crafting deals with forces beyond our imagination. The previous teacher of this class, Evan Freem, was devoured by his patron for failing to meet the necessarily requirements. Are there any here who wish to forego the secrets of your junior year?

1:56:52 Emily: Oh. I don't raise my hand.

1:56:52 Zara: Very well.

1:56:55 Emily: I look around to see if anyone does.

1:56:57 Brennan: She is gonna make an Insight check as the other warlock students look over and don't recognize you.

1:57:04 Emily: Oh, right.

1:57:05 Brennan: You see she just looks over—

1:57:05 Emily: Can I just, real quick, Minor Illusion my name on the attendance list?

1:57:11 Brennan: Cool, give me a Deception. She's gonna make a Perception. I'll roll in front of the board. Okay, she got a 23.

1:57:19 Emily: Okay, I got... [groans] I got a 17.

1:57:22 Brennan: She sees you do it. You see one of the students says,

1:57:25 Warlock Student: Aren't you supposed to be in the bard classes?

1:57:29 Fig: Yeah, but I'm... I'm from Hell, and I've had some sort of nascent warlock abilities blossoming in myself, and I thought this was the place to come to explore them. Was I wrong about that?

1:57:49 Ally: Are you Jabberwockying dancing?

1:57:55 Brennan: You see Zara smiles and looks at you and says,

1:57:59 Zara: Quincy, you are, I am afraid, quite mistaken. Ms. Faeth's name is on the paperwork for the class.

1:58:08 Brennan: You see he says,

1:58:08 Quincy: But she clearly cast an illusion to—

1:58:11 Emily: I wasn't that loud about casting it!

1:58:15 Brennan: You see that as this kid Quincy says,

1:58:15 Quincy: But she wasn't...

1:58:18 Brennan: You see that Zara puts up a hand, and you see that for a moment, all the color drains out of Quincy's face. She says,

1:58:25 Zara: Lesson number one. In manners regarding warlocks, what's on the page is the only thing that counts.

1:58:37 Emily: Can I cast Hex on Quincy?

1:58:37 Brennan: Yes, you can cast Hex.

1:58:41 Emily: Cast my Hexblade Curse on him.

1:58:42 Brennan: You put a Hexblade Curse on Quincy. Zara proceeds to teach a very interesting thing. Go ahead and give me an Arcana check. We'll call it a DC 17.

1:58:52 Emily: Okay. Nat 20, baby! Zac and Siobhan grin.

1:58:58 Ally: So sick.

1:58:59 Brennan: You immediately catch up, and actually, the warlock stuff is all making a ton of sense to you. Fig can honestly use herself as a fucking source of warlock powers. Where do you think you draw your warlock powers from?

1:59:12 Emily: I think it's from my dad or my bloodline or my legacy.

1:59:15 Brennan: Yeah, everything she's saying makes a ton of sense to you because basically, rather than wizard craft, which is, you have to break the universe down into its really discrete molecular magical components to put it back together. This is sort of a broader, more holistic look at, what are the forces that are actually at work here? What is the Fey Realm trying to do? What are devils trying to do? And even though it's very legal, in a weird way, it's legal in... It presents contracts not as these really arcane language things, but as, well, here's how people are trying to fuck you, and here's what they're going for, and here's what this clause actually means someone's trying to do. Really quickly, the human component and how it all factors into Charisma really starts to make a lot of sense. So I think on a nat 20, you catch up really fucking fast. At the end of the class, Zara pulls you aside as the others are leaning out. You see she smiles and says,

2:00:17 Zara: Incredible work in class, Ms. Faeth. You have a knack for understanding the deeper motivations of these kinds of bargains.

2:00:25 Fig: Thank you. Can I ask who your patron is? Is that a rude question to ask a warlock?

2:00:31 Zara: It can be. In this instance, it is not. But perhaps some caution in the future. You happen to have gotten lucky.

2:00:37 Fig: Okay.

2:00:38 Brennan: As she says lucky, you see that she looks and says,

2:00:41 Zara: You have a little bit of pad thai on your jacket.

2:00:43 Fig: Fuck, really? I didn't even have any! I just sat next to Gorgug. Fuck!

2:00:51 Brennan: You see she just looks and says,

2:00:53 Zara: My patron is my paramour, who is a celestial.

2:01:01 Fig: See, I'm also a bard, but my power comes from my paramour in that aspect.

2:01:07 Zara: Bargains are something that are more common than I think people realize. There's a connotation of the legal, which we cover here. There is a connotation of the contract, the agreement, yes? But when you take away the gilded edges of this, then an agreement is something that we do every day. Often wordlessly, there are agreements, and it is in the power of those relationships that a warlock draws their strength.

2:01:38 Fig: Yeah, and I sort of think people talk about contracts and bargains like you're losing something, but it's really more of a promise to show up and do something.

2:01:47 Zara: Exchange.

2:01:47 Fig: Yeah.

2:01:49 Zara: Energy moves from one place to another, and in a good contract, the exchange is equal, because the power of the cycle created of the energy passing forth in that agreement, it is ongoing. If a contract, if an agreement, is to love and honor one another, a powerful pact, and one with the ability to cycle that magical potential for eons to come. You are very gifted at this. Are you interested…

2:02:22 Brennan: You see she dispels the name on the roster. She says,

2:02:24 Zara: If you are interested in signing up for this class legitimately, I would be more than happy to approve your MCAT.

2:02:33 Fig: So, I'm kind of on the line to put out my sophomore album, but the expectation is kind of crushing down on me like a vice. So yeah, I am, yeah. Yeah, I would like to. Are you willing to? [Brennan mimics celestial energy whooshing]

2:02:55 Zara: Let's sign.

2:02:55 Brennan: Her fangs distend.

2:03:00 Fig: Can I ask one last question?

2:03:00 Zara: Mm-hmm.

2:03:02 Fig: What's the sickest spell you know? Just brag for me.

2:03:08 Zara: I know how to draw the blood from someone's body in a way that gives me not only the power of their raw life, but the life of the mind and all of their knowledge.

2:03:25 Emily: I sign so enthusiastically.

2:03:29 Brennan: She smiles and says,

2:03:29 Zara: You have achieved much. I know that the majority of your magic comes from your bardic training, but I will say simply this. Meditate on what the agreement is that has given you your power. Agreements exist wordlessly, and they exist without acknowledgement or even consciousness on the part of those who have engaged in them. But agreements are at their most potent when they are—

2:03:57 Fig: Conscious?

2:03:57 Zara: Conscious.

2:03:59 Fig: Okay.

2:04:00 Brennan: She smiles and you have your first warlock class. For the rest of you—

2:04:05 Emily: I am gonna follow Quincy home and find out where he lives.

2:04:11 Brennan: For the pad thai crew back at Seacaster Manor—

2:04:14 Gorgug: Sorry about that, guys. I was just kinda eating pretty crazy. [Emily cracks up]

2:04:17 Fabian: It's all right.

2:04:17 Kristen: It's okay, Gorgug.

2:04:20 Adaine: No, I love it.

2:04:22 Gorgug: I was starving.

2:04:22 Adaine: You're a good eater.

2:04:23 Gorgug: Thank you.

2:04:23 Adaine: Yeah.

2:04:24 Brennan: For those of you who are there, this party happening, Fabian, is there anything you're doing to prepare for the party?

2:04:31 Fabian: I think I'm gonna go look and try and find any stores of alcohol that, between Papa and Mama, might have been left around the house. But also, in the meantime, just in case, Gorgug, could you artifice me a fake ID or something like that? Is that above—

2:04:50 Gorgug: It's mostly gears and pieces of metal, but I could see if I can... You know what, I'll give it a shot.

2:04:57 Brennan: You guys hear a knock at the door.

2:04:59 Gorgug: Okay.

2:04:59 Fabian: Oh, there's a knock at the door.

2:05:00 Gorgug: Hide it!

2:05:00 Kristen: More pad thai?

2:05:02 Fabian: No, no, it's all right. Did somebody order more pad thai? Hello?

2:05:06 Ragh: What's up, motherfuckers? Hoot, growl, hoot, growl, hoot growl! Nuts! Fuckin' nut tap, nut tap! Give me a big hug, you're my close friends. I love you.

2:05:15 Fabian: Fuck yes.

2:05:15 Adaine: Hi, Ragh.

2:05:17 Ragh: What's up, Adaine? How's it going?

2:05:19 Adaine: Good, how're you doing?

2:05:20 Ragh: What's that you're holding? What is that shit?

2:05:22 Adaine: I got a job!

2:05:23 Ragh: Oh, sick! And I'm sorry, but yeah, fuck, you gotta, right?

2:05:27 Adaine: Yeah, I really gotta.

2:05:27 Ragh: Yeah, fuck yeah.

2:05:30 Fabian: Do you want some pad thai? We have a shit ton of pad thai.

2:05:33 Ragh: Oh shit, I'm so fucking hungry.

2:05:34 Fabian: Yes!

2:05:34 Ragh: Wait, are those lunch bags?

2:05:36 Brennan: You see he point at one of the trash bags.

2:05:38 Adaine: Oh yeah, your mum made us lunch bags.

2:05:39 Ragh: Oh sick, is there any good shit in there? What's up?

2:05:42 Adaine: I mean, it's an eight hour old salami sandwich.

2:05:44 Ragh: Tight!

2:05:44 Brennan: You see he takes it and fucking scarfs it down.

2:05:48 Ragh: Yeah, give me that pad thai. Boys, what is up? I heard this is the fucking party spot.

2:05:52 Fabian: It's going down Friday, starting maximum legend status.

2:05:56 Siobhan: I make eye contact with Riz like…

2:05:58 Adaine: Is this a good idea?

2:06:00 Riz: [shrugging] We need people to vote for Kristen.

2:06:02 Ragh: Yeah, I can tell The Ball is fucking psyched for maximum legend.

2:06:04 Fabian: The Ball can't wait.

2:06:05 Ally: I'm writing a speech already on note cards.

2:06:08 Fabian: It's gonna be a half campaign kickoff, half kind of welcome to the new year, the new way, kind of, you know, the beginnings of everything sort of thing.

2:06:17 Ragh: Campaign kickoff? No, you don't wanna sour the vibe with student government shit, man.

2:06:23 Riz: The way we do it—

2:06:24 Adaine: We're making student government cool. The Bad Kids do student government.

2:06:29 Fabian: Yeah, so it's kinda like a happy hour thing, you know?

2:06:33 Ragh: Okay, happy hour, where people that work at office jobs come to—

2:06:37 Fabian: Well, it's an hour of being happy!

2:06:40 Kristen: Everyone's gonna be chilling, and then I'm just gonna slip right in.

2:06:42 Adaine: It's always happy hour with Kristen Applebees.

2:06:44 Kristen: And just make a couple points.

2:06:45 Riz: I think, okay, what if we just made Kristen also a legend, and then later, because the cool kid's gonna get voted class president.

2:06:54 Kristen: So I don't have to give a speech. I just have to do something cool.

2:06:56 Fabian: Yes, we just have to set you up for an awesome moment.

2:06:57 Riz: Kristen just needs to be a legend.

2:06:59 Ragh: Look, it's your fucking spot, it's your party. You do what you wanna do, but ultimately, fucking, you know, let me know. Listen, you know, I just graduated. I've just got to be focused on bloodrush stuff, practicing for tryouts and shit like that. But it might be nice 'cause it's been kinda, you know, sort of a lonely... Summer wasn't lonely lonely. It was good. But, you know, it was night the whole time.

2:07:24 Adaine: How's Tracker?

2:07:25 Ragh: She's super good. Fabian glances at Kristen, who is very still.

2:07:27 Ragh: I think actually the endless night sort of was great for her socials, you know? Sort of moon—

2:07:32 Fabian: Out all the time.

2:07:35 Ragh: The moon was bumpin' all the time, yeah.

2:07:38 Zac: Gorgug feels awkward and pulls down a welding mask to work on the fake IDs.

2:07:42 Fabian: But yeah, glad Tracker's doing well. But yeah, we're gonna throw it way down on Friday.

2:07:52 Ragh: Yeah. Is it cool if I swing by? I graduated, but—

2:07:55 Riz: Do you wanna grab a couple dozen kegs?

2:07:58 Fabian: Yeah, you could totally come by if you don't mind just grabbing us some, you know, or at least giving us a hookup for a little—

2:08:05 Ragh: Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2:08:05 Fabian: A little stuff, you know?

2:08:08 Ragh: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need Barkrock to fucking hold it down.

2:08:13 Fabian: In some ways, yes.

2:08:13 Ragh: Yeah, tight.

2:08:16 Fabian: I mean, hey, you party hard, so honestly, you could come on as a party advisor, 'cause you know I'm trying to smash Jem Peppercorn's legend out of the sky.

2:08:28 Ragh: Dude, Peppercorn was a fucking maniac, man.

2:08:31 Fabian: Yeah, and I'm Fabian fucking Seacaster.

2:08:33 Ragh: Oh shit.

2:08:33 Fabian: Yeah, that's right.

2:08:34 Ragh: Oh shit!

2:08:34 Fabian: Yes!

2:08:36 Ragh: What's this?

2:08:36 Fabian: It's this energy now. Corsica Jones was not about it, but I can tell you're—

2:08:41 Ragh: Love this energy, dude.

2:08:43 Adaine: You call your teacher by her first name?

2:08:45 Fabian: Well, yeah.

2:08:46 Adaine: And she likes that?

2:08:47 Fabian: No! I mean, I wouldn't do it to her in person. But I wanted to look cool in front of you guys. [Adaine nods]

2:08:52 Ragh: All right, I'm gonna go get the kegs.

2:08:54 Fabian: Okay.

2:08:55 Ragh: I'm gonna go get some liquor, maybe some bottle, get some fifths, okay? I'm gonna go get some sticky, okay?

2:09:01 Fabian: Okay, good. Sticky, yes.

2:09:01 Adaine: What is sticky?

2:09:04 Fabian: I'm assuming it's some kind of substance we might abuse.

2:09:06 Kristen: Get some spice.

2:09:06 Ragh: Get a little bit of spice. Hey, if it's in Seacaster Manor, get a little bit of that [sniffs] snuff powder.

2:09:13 Fabian: Yes! Oh!

2:09:15 Ragh: And my price is very simple. I need you to go get a little crown with a little crab on it. 'Cause I'm the motherfucking crab king! Crab King! [chorus of ooh’s]

2:09:28 Fabian: Who's the little shrimp?

2:09:29 Brennan: Ragh jumps up in the middle of your math of careful stuff and starts shaking.

2:09:32 Riz: Okay!

2:09:34 Ragh: Crab king! Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh!

2:09:40 Fabian: We're back, motherfucker!

2:09:40 Ragh: We're back, motherfucker. It's okay to hang out at high school for a little bit after you graduate.

2:09:46 Riz: Just like a year.

2:09:46 Gorgug: You're in the window.

2:09:47 Ragh: In the window! It's gonna get weird at some point, but not just right now.

2:09:51 Fabian: Right now, it's fun.

2:09:53 Adaine: And you live with us, so it'd be weird if we didn't invite you to the party.

2:09:56 Ragh: It would be so weird!

2:09:56 Kristen: That's true.

2:09:58 Gorgug: Fabian, this is made out of sheet metal.

2:10:01 Fabian: Ragh, would this pass?

2:10:03 Brennan: Give me a craft check. Intelligence plus proficiency.

2:10:09 Fabian: It says I'm 35, which I kinda like.

2:10:13 Adaine: You're an elf.

2:10:13 Fabian: Yes, I'm an elf.

2:10:16 Zac: A 14.

2:10:16 Brennan: Okay, it's sick.

2:10:18 Adaine: Elf don't shelf.

2:10:18 Brennan: Yeah, 35, you know, you are a half-elf, so that could pass.

2:10:22 Lou: There it is.

2:10:22 Brennan: It could pass. It's made out of steel, right? So—

2:10:28 Siobhan: That's how they do it in Fallinel.

2:10:29 Brennan: You know, honestly, dude? Just try to flash it.

2:10:32 Lou: Oh yes, just quick one.

2:10:33 Zac: Is there a way that it could just be perceived as like a fancy credit card status thing?

2:10:38 Brennan: Yeah, does the government issue fancy identifications?

2:10:42 Ally: If you just look really tired, you know what I mean? That works really well. You go in and you're just like...

2:10:48 Lou: I had a long day.

2:10:48 Kristen: A long day!

2:10:50 Brennan: Yeah, you have kids. You have kids.

2:10:52 Lou: I just need six 12-packs ‘cause, you know—

2:10:55 Brennan: I work a job for my children. I've got to put my children through school.

2:10:59 Fabian: This is good. This is all great. Hell yes, it's going down.

2:11:02 Gorgug: I also made your name Christian Delnore. I don't know if that matters.

2:11:05 Fabian: That's great. I'm Christian Delnore, and I have children.

2:11:10 Brennan: So as you guys are talking, Ragh takes a moment to actually go over to Kristen and go,

2:11:15 Ragh: Hey, I wanted to check in with you, what we talked about—

2:11:18 Siobhan: Your shoulders suddenly got so high.

2:11:20 Ragh: The thing we talked about last night. Just, if I could let Tracker know if she's good to reach out, if you would be okay with that.

2:11:30 Kristen: That's great. Who's the bitch on her lap? Everyone gets very quiet.

2:11:35 Kristen: Who's the bitch on her lap? You mentioned a bitch that was on her lap, Ragh. I'mma need to know who that is, Ragh.

2:11:47 Brennan: Ragh is shaking. Ragh has never seen this energy from Kristen before.

2:11:55 Kristen: Ragh, I gotta have an answer!

2:11:59 Riz: She's kind of a legend now, Ragh.

2:12:01 Ragh: Okay.

2:12:03 Kristen: [yelps]

2:12:05 Ragh: So, okay. Look. Nara—

2:12:12 Kristen: That's a dog's name. I'm surrounded by women with dogs' names.

2:12:19 Ragh: Which is short for Naradriel, is an elven—

2:12:23 Kristen: God, that's beautiful.

2:12:25 Ragh: I don't wanna say this in a weird way. It actually is just a fact, it's not even weird. She is a princess, elven princess, and she's really sort of found a connection to Wolfsong and to the sort of moon worship. It's kinda taken off. Because the worship of Galicaea got very stale in Fallinel. People were like, "The moon is eternal, the moon is eternal." And Tracker was like, "How can something be eternal which is ever-changing? Do you not see that the moon, by showing the eternal cycle..." She really fuckin' got 'em.

2:12:58 Kristen: I'm listening.

2:12:59 Emily: You're pouring pad thai on your lap.

2:13:03 Ally: Squeezing limes.

2:13:07 Brennan: You see Ragh goes,

2:13:07 Ragh: Look, Nara's not as cool as you. Not as cool as you. But there's sort of this situation where Tracker, 'cause, you know, you guys sort of ended, and the way Tracker described it was like, it was so loving and so amicable and it was like, yeah, we're gonna stay friends, it's obviously gonna be friends and we're gonna be friends, and then there was sort of zero contact after that for probably two months. Two, three.

2:13:38 Kristen: I think... I think I was kinda wishful thinking when I said let's be friends right away, you know?

2:13:44 Ragh: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

2:13:46 Kristen: So, the princess on her lap is what? They're dating, and then they've got this religion together, and it's doing really well on the socials?

2:13:59 Ragh: Yeah, and I think actually the lap thing, that got posted because there was sort of a compromise there because Nara has really been asking for Tracker to kind of announce, or just be like, 'cause Nara kinda wants to share on her own socials that this is sort of happening.

2:14:17 Kristen: Oh totally, like when you go on a girl's Instagram and it's all her boyfriend, you go on the guy's, and she's not on there! She is not on there, ever!

2:14:26 Ragh: Yeah, so it's sort of that, and there's kind of some pressure coming from the Nara direction to post on main.

2:14:35 Kristen: And that was the that. That was Tracker being like, of course, babe. Here's a picture of us looking cute.

2:14:40 Ragh: Well, that one was sort of like, you know, because there was one where Tracker had some elven kids on her knee and was teaching them, and Nara was like, well, if you have kids on your knee and you have other people on your knee, why can't I be in your lap? And that was, like—

2:14:57 Kristen: [cringes] Okay, yeah. Okay, I appreciate, yeah.

2:15:00 Ragh: So this is more about, like, that actually, you clocked the vibe, which I agree in that post is eminently clockable, but that was not even supposed to be the announcement. That's just supposed to theoretically be normal, and the announcement would be much more of, how important Nara is as a kind of disciple, apostle.

2:15:25 Gorgug: Kristen, here's your ID.

2:15:27 Kristen: Thank you.

2:15:30 Ragh: Tracker just wanted to, like... I sort of fucked up by even saying all that. Tracker kind of wanted to explain all of this, but then you came at me with a lot of power.

2:15:38 Kristen: A lot of what, Ragh?

2:15:40 Ragh: A lot of that, a lot of that! I don't want it.

2:15:42 Kristen: Okay, yeah, I think definitely let her know that she should reach out, definitely, definitely, 'cause I actually just squared some things away with my deity, and just a cat that scratched me super hard previously, who I'm now kinda co... The cat is my princess on my lap.

2:16:03 Ragh: You talking about Kalina?

2:16:04 Kristen: She won't even let me touch her. Yeah, Kalina.

2:16:07 Ragh: Kalina's back?

2:16:07 Kristen: Yeah, she's back. She'd never pose on my lap for fucking anything.

2:16:12 Ragh: Okay. Should I tell Tracker don't reach out?

2:16:16 Kristen: No, I think I would like to hear. I actually would. 'Cause I'm trying Kto get... Yeah, actually, there are a lot of reasons I would love to talk to her.

2:16:23 Ragh: Okay.

2:16:24 Kristen: She's got that momentum right now. She's got that dog in her.

2:16:26 Ragh: I'll let her know. Yeah, she's pretty busy this week, but I'll let her know to reach out probably next week sometime.

2:16:33 Kristen: Great.

2:16:33 Ragh: It's good to see you.

2:16:33 Adaine: She's got that dog in her and a girl with a dog name on her.

2:16:36 Kristen: Yeah.

2:16:36 Ragh: Whoa.

2:16:38 Kristen: Amen.

2:16:38 Ragh: Oh yeah.

2:16:39 Kristen: Pound it.

2:16:42 Ragh: I'm rooting for you.

2:16:42 Kristen: Thanks, man.

2:16:45 Brennan: Hell yeah, unless there's any other pressing business, I think the rest of that first week goes. Even if there were any other things you guys really wanted to do in your downtime that first week, what fucking downtime? The tidal wave crashes on top of you, boom, of just the pounding of classes upon classes upon classes. Even if you were just doing your normal year of classes, it would be way harder than your sophomore year of classes were, and suddenly it is thrumming. Things are getting ready for the party that week. The announcement of the campaign. Are there any scenes that people think definitely would happen that week before the big party at Seacaster Manor?

2:17:25 Emily: I think we would definitely have to go get beer.

2:17:27 Brennan: Ragh's taking care of that. Ragh's gonna go get it done.

2:17:30 Fig: Are we sure we don't wanna diversify? Because I could definitely put on hospital scrubs and Disguise Self to be a nurse.

2:17:36 Kristen: Be a tired nurse.

2:17:36 Fig: And get a ton of booze.

2:17:39 Kristen: Be almost like you're sleepwalking.

2:17:40 Adaine: Booze from a hospital?

2:17:40 Fig: Yeah.

2:17:42 Fabian: Adaine, I just wanna ask for the party, would you be able to put some arcane traps on some of the doors, just so people can't go in my room or fuck with my stuff, you know?

2:17:54 Adaine: I actually don't think I have anything like that.

2:17:55 Kristen: I can make myself invisible and just kinda hang out in your room.

2:17:58 Fabian: No.

2:17:58 Fig: You know what I can do?

2:18:00 Adaine: I can put the dog in there. I can put Moggy the Doggy in your room.

2:18:04 Fabian: Yeah, if you could just put Moggy the Doggy in my room so an invisible dog kind of thrashes people around.

2:18:08 Fig: What about a bucket with water?

2:18:11 Gorgug: I could rig that up.

2:18:11 Fig: Yeah, bucket of water.

2:18:13 Fabian: We could do a bucket.

2:18:13 Riz: We could do both.

2:18:14 Emily: Let's do a bucket with water.

2:18:15 Fabian: Cool, there's just like two rooms I don't want people in, but apart from that—

2:18:17 Riz: A bucket of water in one.

2:18:18 Adaine: Okay, yeah, I can only do the dog in one.

2:18:19 Fig: A bucket with cottage cheese?

2:18:20 Adaine: Well, I mean, it's one action, and then it's duration eight hours and it's not concentration, so I guess technically I could do it in two rooms.

2:18:25 Fabian: Perfect.

2:18:28 Brennan: So you are planning for the party that week. So, classes start up. You start taking artificer classes. Jesus, are they challenging. Wizard classes are hard 'cause you're down equipment, so you're having to make do with not the material components you need.

2:18:43 Siobhan: I'm borrowing from the other wizard students.

2:18:46 Brennan: Fig, you jump into barbarian classes, and I guess maybe to Gorgug's chagrin, keep getting positive feedback from Porter.

2:18:55 Porter: I want everyone to see. This is her first barbarian class.

2:18:59 Gorgug: I'm lifting a boulder.

2:19:00 Porter: Gorgug, not while I'm talking.

2:19:05 Brennan: We also have campaign manager, president, and party advisor. Kristen, you have a campaign war room.

2:19:11 Ally: Yes, everybody gets a message to meet me out in the forest behind Aguefort.

2:19:19 Gorgug: Hello? Hello?

2:19:19 Emily: I'm there in a second.

2:19:21 Kristen: Hello. Welcome, everybody.

2:19:24 Fig: I'm doing a perimeter check. Don't worry.

2:19:26 Adaine: Okay, I'm at work, but I have my crystal set up on the counter.

2:19:28 Kristen: Okay, great.

2:19:30 Gorgug: No one was watching that side, and I just walked right in.

2:19:32 Murph: You're bringing everyone to the woods?

2:19:34 Emily: I tackle Gorgug.

2:19:34 Ally: Yeah, everyone to the woods.

2:19:36 Fig: What do you want with the president? What do you want with the president?

2:19:38 Gorgug: To say hello!

2:19:40 Brennan: So Kristen, you've assembled a team here. I'm also gonna say, we established last year that Kristen was involved with the LGBT student alliance.

2:19:48 Ally: Oh, yes.

2:19:49 Brennan: So Torek Railgrinder is also here with a dwarven button press, pressing—

2:19:54 Ally: So tight.

2:19:54 Kristen: All right, everyone, come in with me.

2:19:57 Ally: I'm gonna use a spell slot every single day and cast Leomund's Tiny Hut, and this is our war room so we can all be inside here, but we can also look out and see what's going on in the forest.

2:20:08 Brennan: Cool.

2:20:11 Murph: Stand behind Kristen.

2:20:11 Kristen: We need some pollsters. So if anyone knows someone who'd be good—

2:20:16 Fabian: Pollsters? Like for polls?

2:20:17 Kristen: Yeah, go be out there polling. I need to know what people are caring about.

2:20:20 Fig: Okay.

2:20:20 Kristen: I've got my agenda today.

2:20:22 Fig: I can definitely do that.

2:20:23 Kristen: I've got to leave school early and give a couple speeches. I'm gonna be at the steelworkers guild, and then I'm gonna swing by the teachers union.

2:20:30 Riz: I don't think they get to vote, Kristen.

2:20:33 Fabian: These people do not get to vote.

2:20:34 Fig: Kristen, it's only the high school.

2:20:38 Riz: All the clubs that I'm in—

2:20:38 Kristen: Every vote matters. I will be cutting a ribbon at the dealership, and then I'm gonna come right back here to this war room to find out what you guys found out.

2:20:48 Fabian: Okay.

2:20:49 Riz: I will pass out pamphlets and pins to everyone in all the clubs that I'm in.

2:20:53 Fig: I'll definitely survey people.

2:20:54 Kristen: This will be available every school day, so just so you know, you can come out here. I don't have to be in it.

2:20:57 Fabian: Great.

2:21:00 Kristen: Up to nine people, though.

2:21:00 Adaine: And I just found out that, I mean, I can't bring any strudel home, but the sauce gets thrown out at the end of the day, so if anybody wants any—

2:21:06 Kristen: In a bag? We could play slap bag at the party with the sauce!

2:21:10 Fabian: Oh, great. I love that.

2:21:12 Gorgug: Are we just gonna drink the sauce?

2:21:13 Kristen: You slap the bag first, but then yeah, you drink the sauce.

2:21:15 Adaine: The sauce is really good. They won't say what's in it, but it's delicious.

2:21:20 Riz: Do we think, should we decide on what we're gonna do to make Kristen a legend?

2:21:25 Fabian: For legend status?

2:21:26 Riz: I'm thinking maybe ride the Hangman off a roof or something.

2:21:30 Fabian: We could do something like that.

2:21:31 Fig: Yeah!

2:21:31 Adaine: Wait, wait, wait.

2:21:32 Fig: Maybe ride it into your pool.

2:21:33 Adaine: No, no, no.

2:21:34 Riz: Ride the Hangman into a pool!

2:21:35 Adaine: No.

2:21:35 Kristen: Yes!

2:21:36 Adaine: You have to think about Kristen's Dexterity.

2:21:38 Fabian: Don't worry, the Hangman does everything.

2:21:40 Kristen: Exactly.

2:21:40 Fabian: He's a sentient motorcycle.