Not All Who Wanda Are Lost

0:00:19 Fantasy High: Junior Year Emily Axford as Fig Faeth; Zac Oyama as Gorgug Thistlespring; Siobhan Thompson as Adaine Abernant; Lou Wilson as Fabian Seacaster; Ally Beardsley as Kristen Applebees; and Brian “Murph” Murphy as Riz Gukgak Episode 3: Not All Who Wanda Are Lost < [Previous Episode] | [Next Episode] > [INTRO THEME]

0:00:49 Brennan: Hello, one and all! Welcome back to another thrilling episode of "Dimension 20: Fantasy High Junior Year." That's three titles in a row. I am your humble dungeon master, Brennan Lee Mulligan. With me, as always, are our intrepid heroes. Say hi, intrepid heroes!

0:01:00 All: Hi, intrepid heroes!

0:01:04 Murph: Nat 20!

0:01:04 Brennan: Nat 20, there we go.

0:01:07 Siobhan: Brennan has to do a keg stand.

0:01:09 Emily: Gorgeous!

0:01:10 Brennan: Wait, we're doing that ex post facto?

0:01:13 Emily: We have the same taste in dice.

0:01:14 Ally: Yes. That's really legible, too.

0:01:16 Brennan: Last episode, the Bad Kids, the premiere adventuring party of high school heroes from the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, once again saved the world. Put another W up on the board with the Night Yorb! ♪ It's coming for us ♪ Sealed within a sick mural on top of Gorgug's van. But this dub was a little dustier than normal, and a 48 hour road trip covered in blood, just kinda feeling it, just to puh-puh-puh-putter back into Elmville mere hours before the first day of junior year. Our Elven Oracle, archdevil, and risen saint got an impromptu birthday party with a hot birthday cake with some news. Adaine's sister had moved out during the long summer away, and Kristen Applebees got word from a returned Ragh Barkrock that there was some stuff going on with the ex, Tracker. We found out that Figueroth Faeth not only was being communicated with through eons of time from the distant past by her paramour on a road trip with Principal Arthur Aguefort, her father, through the beginnings of time, but we also found, I don't know, some weird accidents happening around the house. A little combat boot in a bucket of cement, and a strange curdled feeling in the stomach. Speaking of strange curdled feelings, Gilear Faeth and Hallariel Seacaster headed out on a vacation with a bunch of kisses for Fabian, having returned home to a retrofitted pirate ship mansion where now he dwells as the man of the house. Sort of a drafty place. Mother gone, father scouring the Nine Hells to eventually kill the Devil himself, and a strange sort of feeling at the beginning of junior year. Speaking of strange feelings, having broken his bed on collapse, Gorgug Thistlespring returned home to find some academic-stuffed envelopes for his desire to multiclass, of which his parents were very supportive, having designed the solar lasso that caught the Night Yorb, as well as a box of his stuff from ex-girlfriend's house with a nice hello and a thank you.

0:03:38 Zac: I should've told my parents to tell her dad hey.

0:03:43 Emily: You did.

0:03:44 Zac: I mean, I should've followed through.

0:03:47 Brennan: I should've followed up and made sure that that is what happened.

0:03:50 Siobhan: Actually, I think you told your parents to tell her dad hey.

0:03:52 Zac: Yeah.

0:03:54 Brennan: Yeah, you wanna make sure that everything's good between Zelda's dad and your mom and dad.

0:03:59 Zac: Me and Zelda are good, I just wanna make sure her dad isn't mad at me.

0:04:02 Brennan: Not mad at me.

0:04:03 Brennan: But with a thick, stuffed envelope that Gorgug left on the desk to handle in the morning. Speaking of academic stress, Riz arrived back at home to see his mom, having newly passed the bar exam as a public defender here in the town of Elmville, looking at her own conspiracy thing up on the board about the Frosty Fair Folk Festival, a kind of Sylvan jam band—

0:04:30 Zac: There's a connection!

0:04:30 Murph: We've gotta link up.

0:04:32 Zac: We'll talk later.

0:04:32 Murph: Oh, we'll talk later!

0:04:35 Emily: I wanna perform there.

0:04:35 Murph: I think we'll talk later.

0:04:37 Brennan: Get up on the folk festival, exactly.

0:04:40 Zac: Folk bass?

0:04:41 Emily: I'm gonna do an unplugged—

0:04:42 Brennan: I'm gonna tell you straight up, most of "Fantasy High" worldbuilding is not directly from my own teenage years. The Frosty Fair Folk Festival is straight from the core what was going on with me as a teenager, and goddammit, we're gonna have it here in Elmville! Lot of people in flowy sundresses with flower crowns dancing around to people playing banjos and djembes and various other instruments around a bonfire. But Riz, coming across Sklonda who is sitting there with a sort of defense case. She's working on a defense case for a client of hers, and obviously as a public defender, she's sort of the city's representative for people that, for whatever reason, choose not to, or in most cases cannot afford a private defense attorney. Sklonda's pension had sort of been snatched away from her by her former employer. And she kind of had to tell Riz that his grades, and not only his grades, but his extracurriculars were gonna be a big indicator of his possible future and what his horizons were. And across town, a conversation with Fig and Kristen was about their very near expulsion from the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. Without further ado, it is the first day of school at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy.

0:06:05 Siobhan: Look at that beautiful statue. There's multiple beautiful statues!

0:06:07 Zac: The trees are moving!

0:06:09 Siobhan: There's so many Aguefort statues.

0:06:12 Brennan: Multiple statues of Arthur Aguefort in various important academic poses. You've got the bleachers for the bloodrush stadium. You got the gym there in the corner. Hoot, growl, hoot, growl! It is our first day here at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. Who thinks they arrive first at school, and how do you get there?

0:06:30 Murph: I think Riz probably gets to school first. I think I furiously bike there, probably having slept very, very little. I think I've looked at my own transcript and everyone else's transcripts and tried to figure out the best way for us all to have the best possible junior year academically possible. And so I just have a giant bag of files as I bike to school super fast, incredibly caffeinated, and I'm just buzzing, waiting for everybody to arrive.

0:06:58 Brennan: Hell yeah. Give me an Investigation check. You're basically diving in to become a school bureaucrat in one night before junior year begins.

0:07:05 Murph: Yeah, in like an hour. Ooh, yes! 30!

0:07:11 Brennan: Oh my god!

0:07:12 Murph: [laughing] I rolled a 19.

0:07:14 Brennan: Okay, so on a 30, I'll give you all the information you want.

0:07:18 Murph: Great.

0:07:19 Brennan: What kind of information are you looking for specifically? Are you more interested in what actually gets grades up—

0:07:27 Murph: Yeah.

0:07:28 Brennan: Or are you more interested in extracurriculars that kind of pad a student resume? On a 30, I'll give you a bit of both, but if you wanna focus on one—

0:07:37 Murph: I think I'm looking at it. I'm like, okay. Fig and Kristen, we gotta pull those grades up. Adaine, me, and Fabian probably have to do more extracurriculars. Gorgug, we gotta make this multiclassing work. I'm just going through and trying to fill in the gaps.

0:07:54 Brennan: On that 30, I'll say this. Kristen and Fig are in a jeopardy area, but they're for very different reasons. Fig, literally, it's just attendance. Literally, Fig's doing great. It's just literally, half of your grade is attendance. You'll fail if you never go to a class.

0:08:12 Emily: I'm going to class!

0:08:12 Brennan: You're just not going to—

0:08:14 Emily: I'm not going to the class I'm supposed to.

0:08:16 Murph: The conspiracy board is very complicated for everyone except for Fig. There's just a picture of Fig, and it just says, "Go to class."

0:08:24 Brennan: Kristen is in a ton of academic jeopardy, because the god that was on her paperwork from the beginning of sophomore year was Yes with an exclamation mark. There was a form submitted to change it to Yes with a question mark, but that wasn't fully completed, and so it didn't quite—

0:08:45 Ally: I think I know where that is.

0:08:48 Brennan: You know where that is. As of spring— at the end of last year, they checked on it after your guys' spring break, and because that divinity only had one cleric and the cleric moved to another god, Cassandra, that god died and it moved to the Astral Realm where dead gods go, and so that's a— You know, that's a failure. If you're a cleric and you let your god die, that's a failure. There's nothing restrictive about clerics not being able to change divinities, but it's just, you've gotta tell people. You've gotta submit it. It's a lot of stuff that has to happen. Fabian and Gorgug, their academic transcripts are pretty good. It's not like 4.0, but they're on the Owlbears. That counts for a lot. They're on the bloodrush team. These are what you would call truly solid students with decent grades that should be able to get into a college, no problem. And then you and Adaine, of course, are—

0:09:46 Murph: Great.

0:09:46 Brennan: Yeah, nerds.

0:09:48 Siobhan: Hey!

0:09:49 Brennan: Hey! You take school very, very seriously.

0:09:51 Siobhan: Actually, for the wizards, I'm really chill.

0:09:55 Brennan: The big thing with Fabian and Gorgug is about multiclassing. You download and memorize all of the complex rules. There is something in the superintendent's office that is a test you can elect for that is called the MCAT. It's the Multiclass Achievement Test, and essentially, if you get written permission from your current class's teacher and you get permission for the class that you wanna jump into, you can basically do three quarters of each curriculum, which is still 150% of a school year, but you can jump into another one with a recommendation from your current class's teacher of, hey, this student is excelling so much in their current class, we feel it would not be inappropriate for them to do whatever else. Fig's multiclassing appears to be undocumented by the school. The school does not know that Fig... 'Cause again, how would her bard teacher even know that she multiclassed? She never goes to class.

0:10:55 Murph: I add a second string parallel to the first one.

0:10:59 Emily: As someone who really passionately loved school and college, this is so funny to me.

0:11:07 Brennan: On a 30, is there any followup that you wanna ask?

0:11:09 Murph: What schools would be available to us after—

0:11:12 Brennan: After Aguefort?

0:11:12 Murph: After Aguefort.

0:11:13 Brennan: Astral State University, which you guys already did a college trip to, is a big one. CUS Dabus, which is in the City of Doors, which is another extraplanar city. BCU is a big one, Bastion City University. It's in the big city.

0:11:27 Murph: Yeah.

0:11:29 Brennan: The adventurers that go to BCU usually end up doing stuff that's not just saving the world, but changing the world permanently. The sort of assignments you would get at Bastion City University would be things like, oh, we are going to gather the materials to create a gem at the center of the world that protects us from astral dreadnoughts forever, right? So it's a type of proactive questing that those college students are doing, whereas a lot of the stuff people are doing here— you guys are actually rare at Aguefort for having saved the world so many times. A lot of the Aguefort quests are like, there's a dungeon and there's a monster at the center of it, and there's treasure. You know, that kind of thing.

0:12:14 Siobhan: Wait, so could we get some college credit for having saved the world three times?

0:12:19 Brennan: On a 30, I think you find some ways that you could potentially— you would need all of your adventuring party to write a minimum 10-page essay.

0:12:25 Siobhan: Oh boy. So me and Riz will write three essays each.

0:12:36 Brennan: You also find some other stuff on that 30 that is not ideal for the Bad Kids. You find some references at the corner, the marginalia of stuff, about a thing known as the Society of Shadows, which is a graduate-level university just for rogues.

0:12:53 Murph: Okay.

0:12:54 Brennan: And the other thing you find that makes you quite sad, 'cause it looks sort of like an old timey orphanage, is Lord Salazar Edge's College of Lone Adventurers.

0:13:04 Murph: Oh no! So they don't have a party.

0:13:07 Brennan: Yeah, it's for people who have either lost their party or left their party. The pamphlet is extremely depressing.

0:13:14 Siobhan: Their mascot is the lone wolf.

0:13:16 Brennan: Yes, and their sports team is the Lone Wolf, and it's a one person sports team.

0:13:21 Emily: They play singles tennis.

0:13:21 Zac: Just one guy on a bloodrush—

0:13:23 Brennan: One guy on a bloodrush, yeah.

0:13:26 Murph: Their record is bad, but it should be worse. That guy’s pretty good.

0:13:33 Brennan: That's guy’s pretty good.

0:13:34 Emily: Whenever he graduates, they go to shit.

0:13:34 Murph: He's awesome.

0:13:36 Brennan: Only half his games are total sweeps.

0:13:38 Murph: Yeah.

0:13:38 Brennan: He scores points.

0:13:39 Murph: He scores a couple points.

0:13:39 Zac: Which is miraculous.

0:13:42 Murph: He's gonna go pro after he graduates, but for now, that's a rough locker room.

0:13:48 Brennan: So Riz, I think you roll up and have this stuff open on a courtyard table as you're just—

0:13:55 Murph: Like I'm a college recruiter.

0:13:56 Ally: People keep coming up and going, is it club rush?

0:13:58 Murph: No, no.

0:13:59 Ally: Can I take one of these?

0:13:59 Murph: No.

0:14:01 Brennan: Who arrives next? I will say, for the Mordred gang, Jawbone has to drive to work.

0:14:05 Siobhan: Okay, so yeah, we're all sleeping in the car as he drives.

0:14:10 Brennan: And Kristen, last episode, you had said that you didn't wanna go to school today.

0:14:13 Ally: Yeah, you guys knock on my door and I'm like,

0:14:15 Kristen: I just don't think I'm gonna go today. [Siobhan mimics grabbing Kristen by the collar and shaking her] [yelps] Jesus!

0:14:20 Adaine: Come on, you're in trouble already, and school hasn't even started.

0:14:23 Fig: I think I'm planning on going in, but late. Do you want me to just Dimension Door us to school?

0:14:29 Kristen: I would love that.

0:14:30 Adaine: We live so much further than 500 yards from school.

0:14:34 Kristen: Well, you could Dimension Door us, and we'll just kinda chill until you get another one. I can do Song of Rest. I can kinda get you some spell slots back. While you're telling us how important it is to go in, I'm grinding coffee beans really loud.

0:14:50 Siobhan: I cast Friends on both of you just to get you in the car.

0:14:54 Ally: Do you?

0:14:54 Siobhan: Yes, for sure. It lasts a minute, and then you know that I cast a spell on you.

0:14:59 Emily: I like getting Friends cast on me, so I willingly fail.

0:15:05 Brennan: Kristen, what's the DC for a Persuasion check that would get Kristen... It's your character, you can't be persuaded against your will, but if you wanna see if Adaine could possibly persuade you—

0:15:14 Ally: I do wanna see. It's a 10, and I'll give you the Help action.

0:15:20 Siobhan: I actually don't need it 'cause I already have advantage from Friends.

0:15:22 Ally: Deep inside I know that I do need to go to fucking school.

0:15:25 Siobhan: Okay, yeah, that's an 18.

0:15:27 Brennan: Great. It's 10 and I give you the Help action! I'm not fucking going!

0:15:31 Adaine: Kristen, come on!

0:15:33 Kristen: I'm not fucking going!

0:15:33 Ally: As I'm walking.

0:15:34 Kristen: I'm not gonna go, guys!

0:15:34 Adaine: Come on. I'll buy soda when we get in.

0:15:36 Kristen: Chill! Okay, I put the beans down and I grab the nastiest energy drink that's blue raspberry flavor out of the fridge. Let's go!

0:15:45 Brennan: As you grab blue raspberry, you see Ragh's mom, Lydia Barkrock— who is this incredibly buff half orc woman. She's got these massive fucking arms and shoulders. She's got a red, that very fluffy flannel shirt. A little bit fluffier than Murph's, but kinda that style, sort of tied around her midsection.

0:16:03 Murph: Fluffier than mine?! [all laugh]

0:16:08 Brennan: She's got this sort of barbarian— she's got this huge polearm on her back. You see she's moving through the kitchen with her wheelchair. Her shirt is tied to expose the glowing gem embedded in her chest, this nasty shard gem. She has some ancient demonic entity in there that she's kept suppressed with her rage. As you go for the blue raspberry, she very lovingly, but with an arm powerful enough to break walls, just sort of smacks it out of your hand.

0:16:38 Kristen: Hey!

0:16:39 Lydia: You're having blue raspberry first thing in the morning?

0:16:43 Kristen: I'm so tired.

0:16:45 Lydiaa: Why did you grind coffee?

0:16:47 Kristen: We've got to—

0:16:48 Fig: We thought we were having—

0:16:49 Kristen: Can I have two minutes just to make a proper pour over?

0:16:52 Fig: We thought we were having a slower morning.

0:16:53 Adaine: First of all, you know it takes you like 15 minutes to make a proper pour over.

0:16:56 Kristen: I won't get the bed right this time. It's fine if there's a little bit of channeling.

0:17:02 Adaine: Thank god you know how to do this, because if you fail, you will be doing this for the rest of your life.

0:17:07 Kristen: I might still be!

0:17:09 Brennan: You see Lydia hands each of you a garbage bag, and looking inside of it, you see that there are two double foot long party sub sandwiches, a full size bag of chips. She's used to making lunch for her son Ragh, so she gives you a full half-orc athlete son's lunch and hands them off, there's some fruit in there and stuff.

0:17:31 Lydia: All right, eat up, eat up.

0:17:32 Kristen: Is this just for me? It's not for a small family?

0:17:36 Lydia: Oh, if you want less—

0:17:38 Fig: This actually is great for me. I'm gonna be done by 11.

0:17:42 Kristen: Okay, maybe we could share, and we can all just have a big lunch. Okay, thank you! I have my tiny coffee and my—

0:17:48 Lydia: Would you like less food in the future?

0:17:50 Adaine: I take half of one of the foot longs, wrap that up, and give the rest back to her and I say, thank you so much.

0:17:56 Lydia: All right. [munching enthusiastically] That's good. Hey, honestly, the salami is really, really good here.

0:18:05 Fig: I'm starting with the chips.

0:18:06 Ally: I throw it over my bag.

0:18:09 Brennan: As you head out, you see Sandra Lynn gives Jawbone a little kiss on his furry cheek and says,

0:18:14 Sandra Lynn: Hey, great day today. Don't let the bastards fucking push you around.

0:18:17 Fig: I'm gonna change my major, Mom.

0:18:19 Sandra Lynn: Really?

0:18:19 Fig: Like we talked about.

0:18:21 Sandra Lynn: Okay!

0:18:21 Fig: Yeah.

0:18:22 Sandra Lynn: What are you gonna change it to? Do you know?

0:18:23 Fig: Something that I'm not gonna attend the classes for.

0:18:25 Sandra Lynn: Sweetie, that will just create a new problem instead of the old problem.

0:18:29 Fig: I think you really helped me work this out last night.

0:18:32 Adaine: We are so late! We're so late!

0:18:36 Brennan: Even Jawbone's like,

0:18:36 Jawbone: You know, we're havin' a good time. Tick tock, we've gotta go.

0:18:40 Brennan: Sandra Lynn mounts Baxter to fly off to work, and you guys pile into Jawbone's car. You see he says,

0:18:45 Jawbone: All right, first day. What do we want on the radio? What do we want?

0:18:48 Kristen: Something inspiring.

0:18:48 Jawbone: All right.

0:18:52 Fig: Yeah.

0:18:53 Jawbone: Oh, you guys missed this. Song of the summer. Kids are going nuts.

0:18:57 Brennan: This emo song starts to come over the radio. You listen to the lyrics. Screaming over it is a tiny gnomish voice that goes... [Nasally, metal growl] ♪ Your boundaries slit my veins ♪ ♪ Your no thanks killed my family ♪ ♪ And when you asked for space ♪ ♪ The space you made was outer space ♪ ♪ Can you hear me screaming ♪

0:19:15 Brennan: He goes,

0:19:15 Jawbone: This is good.

0:19:18 Fig: I like the part where he screams.

0:19:20 Ally: I'm frantically searching for the aux cord so I can plug my crystal in and put on a health podcast.

0:19:27 Brennan: You put it in.

0:19:28 Ally: [frantic] What does this person eat in a normal day? What do they eat in a day? What are the macros?

0:19:33 Podcast: You wait for 90 minutes before you get caffeine in your body, and what that does at the beginning of the day is it sets you up that you're going off of your own natural body chemistry, natural sunlight.

0:19:44 Siobhan: You've already had so much—

0:19:46 Ally: I'm sipping my coffee while listening to it. I'm like, this is a great plan, and I will implement this tomorrow, when I skip school and find out what my life's gonna be like.

0:19:56 Brennan: You arrive at school, and I think you see Riz posted up by one of the courtyards. Jawbone gets here— it's about 30 minutes before the rush, 'cause Jawbone has some work stuff he's gotta set up, so you guys see Riz out in the courtyard.

0:20:08 Riz: Hey, guys!

0:20:08 Fig: Hey, Riz!

0:20:10 Adaine: How's it going?

0:20:10 Fig: What's up?

0:20:12 Adaine: Oh my god, this is a gorgeous... This is so organized.

0:20:15 Riz: Thank you, thank you so much.

0:20:15 Adaine: Yeah.

0:20:16 Riz: Yes, unfortunately, I don't really... Actually, I made a folder for you, just kinda for fun.

0:20:20 Adaine: Oh my god, this is—

0:20:21 Riz: It just says, "Hey, Adaine!" on the inside.

0:20:21 Adaine: This is so nice.

0:20:24 Murph: Then I hand huge packets to Fig and to Kristen.

0:20:28 Riz: Just a little light reading for maybe how we can all, you know, kick off this year.

0:20:34 Kristen: What am I looking at?

0:20:35 Riz: You know, your god died. Did you know that?

0:20:41 Kristen: Oh, weird. Yeah, yeah. That's—

0:20:46 Riz: I was looking kinda just casually— I just leafed through some stuff last night. It was kinda in the Aguefort website and all that, leafing through the website, and it was saying that it's not good if the cleric's god dies. So, you know... And also Fig, with the... You know, the classes that we have to go to.

0:21:11 Fig: I actually have a really good plan this year.

0:21:13 Riz: Okay. What's up?

0:21:14 Kristen: She does. She really does. It's genius.

0:21:14 Riz: Really? Okay, what's the plan?

0:21:17 Fig: So I realized the reason I'm not going to bard class is I don't like doing what people tell me to do.

0:21:22 Riz: Okay.

0:21:23 Fig: So I'm gonna change my major. I'm gonna change my major.

0:21:26 Riz: You should do that! You have to do that!

0:21:28 Adaine: To barbarian.

0:21:28 Fig: I have to do it?

0:21:29 Riz: You have to!

0:21:29 Adaine: Change it to barbarian. I mean, you're already going to barbarian classes.

0:21:33 Fig: I was thinking fighter, 'cause I'm not even gonna ever go to fighter. I've never been and I'm never going to, and then once I don't have to go to bard class, then I can go to bard class.

0:21:43 Adaine: That's a really good idea. [whispering] Riz, can you hack into the system and make it say she's in bard class?

0:21:47 Riz: Yeah, I was trying to... Yeah, okay, cool.

0:21:51 Adaine: [louder to Fig] Yeah, no, that's a great idea. [whispering to Riz] I think we just have to—

0:21:53 Ally: You guys make up a whole fake transfer sheet.

0:21:58 Riz: [quietly to Adaine] Adaine, maybe if we tell Fig that what she's doing is a really good idea, and in fact mandatory that she does that, maybe she won't wanna do it anymore.

0:22:07 Adaine: Oh my god, that's such a good idea. You're so smart.

0:22:09 Riz: [loudly] Fig, actually I had written out kinda your whole year.

0:22:12 Adaine: [loudly] That's actually the rules. Aguefort said that you have to do that, otherwise you're expelled and you have to go to Mumple.

0:22:17 Riz: As a bard, you're kinda supposed to cheat and try to get around the system and everything, and that's like you're showing your persuasion and the fact that you can talk yourself out of situations. What they really don't want you to do is go to the classes and do the stuff.

0:22:32 Adaine: They really don't want you to do that.

0:22:34 Fig: Really?

0:22:34 Adaine: Yeah.

0:22:35 Fig: You read this all?

0:22:35 Riz: I read it all.

0:22:37 Adaine: And then he texted it to me.

0:22:37 Riz: Yeah.

0:22:39 Kristen: To be honest, they're the smartest people I know. This is kinda fucking me up. What am I supposed to do?

0:22:45 Adaine: You're supposed to be good. You're supposed to be really good all the time.

0:22:49 Kristen: Okay.

0:22:50 Fig: What if we just went to each other's classes?

0:22:52 Adaine: You're supposed to do your fucking homework.

0:22:53 Riz: If you went to—

0:22:53 Kristen: Okay.

0:22:55 Adaine: Or hand in the homework that I already did for you.

0:22:59 Kristen: That was very helpful.

0:22:59 Adaine: You're welcome.

0:23:01 Riz: No, it's all—

0:23:02 Fig: It's made a pile that Kristen uses as a nightstand.

0:23:05 Kristen: Hey! I told you that in confidence!

0:23:08 Riz: You know what, we're all good. We all have extracurriculars and everything we're gonna do.

0:23:13 Brennan: Who arrives next out of Gorgug and Fabian?

0:23:14 Zac: I bet Gorgug had like 30 minutes of sleep and then woke up and tried to make a good first impression. He got his homunculus servant. He was like, I've gotta put this together!

0:23:26 Brennan: What's your homunculus servant's name?

0:23:28 Zac: He's making it, I think, for the first time right now.

0:23:31 Brennan: Yeah.

0:23:32 Zac: Looking at this sort of feathery serpent dragon thing that I don't think he put enough feathers on it.

0:23:41 Emily: So it's a dragon with a receding hairline?

0:23:47 Gorgug: Cloaca. No.

0:23:49 Cloaca: [squawks] Cloaca!

0:23:51 Gorgug: No.

0:23:51 Cloaca: That's my name!

0:23:52 Gorgug: No! Shit, you suck! No!

0:23:58 Cloaca: [squawks] I suck!

0:24:00 Gorgug: No, don't say what I say!

0:24:00 Cloaca: My name's Cloaca. I suck!

0:24:02 Gorgug: No! [wails]

0:24:04 Emily: He's gotta meet Wretchrot.

0:24:08 Zac: Runs in with it on his arm like a falconer.

0:24:10 Brennan: Boggy, Cloaca, and Baby. Unbelievable.

0:24:13 Ally: Wow.

0:24:13 Brennan: You come downstairs. Do you wanna take the van in or do you wanna let your parents have time to fix it up?

0:24:19 Gorgug: Can you give me a ride to school?

0:24:22 Thistlesprings: Oh, sure thing, bud. Look at this, wow! A homunculus archaeopteryx. That's pretty impressive, bud.

0:24:28 Gorgug: Yeah, I didn't have much time with it. The little metal feathers—

0:24:30 Thistlesprings: What's his name?

0:24:36 Gorgug: Well, right now, it's Cloaca.

0:24:40 Thistlesprings: Okay.

0:24:40 Gorgug: Like the bird—

0:24:42 Thistlesprings: You know, and there's nothing wrong with a cloaca.

0:24:45 Brennan: You see one of them pulls a binder off the wall.

0:24:47 Thistlesprings: Plenty of students at Aguefort, plenty of our neighbors here in town have cloacas. Not everyone has a vagina or a penis.

0:24:56 Gorgug: You know, I think that's... I can understand that that is normal and good while not necessarily thinking it's the perfect name.

0:25:07 Thistlesprings: But, you know, sex is a broad thing, and there's people— you know, we had a friend growing up who fell in love with a merperson and, you know, she ended up laying just a ton of eggs out in these sort of waterside reedy grasses, and it was a beautiful expression of their love when he, by himself, ejaculated over the eggs, 'cause sex can be anything. There's a million ways to express that kind of intimacy.

0:25:32 Gorgug: It's just sorta, like, the first day of school. I'd love to talk about this load of eggs—

0:25:39 Thistlesprings: I just love that you're using your homunculus to raise awareness about how there's all different kinds of bodies, and they're all beautiful.

0:25:47 Gorgug: That's what I was trying to do, and I'll own that, I guess. Hey, can I just... Can I run from you?

0:26:00 Thistlesprings: You don't want a ride?

0:26:01 Gorgug: Well, I'll take the ride. I'll take the ride.

0:26:04 Thistlesprings: Okay, you got it, bud.

0:26:06 Gorgug: I'm underslept, and I am just really nervous. Oh, I forgot to open those—

0:26:11 Thistlesprings: Oh, it's all right, it's all right. We'll bring it to you. Jawbone mentioned that he'd take time to go over it with you at school if you need to, so you'll be all right, bud.

0:26:18 Gorgug: Thank you.

0:26:22 Thistlesprings: All right. Cloaca!

0:26:24 Gorgug: Do you like it? Honestly.

0:26:27 Thistlesprings: It's great!

0:26:27 Brennan: Give me an Insight check.

0:26:32 Zac: Five.

0:26:33 Brennan: However insecure Gorgug is about it—

0:26:36 Zac: Pretty insecure.

0:26:37 Brennan: You read a disapproval in your parents' faces that may or may not be there.

0:26:44 Gorgug: Okay, never mind.

0:26:44 Thistlesprings: It's great!

0:26:45 Gorgug: Never mind, let's go.

0:26:45 Thistlesprings: No, it's great! And you know what's awesome about it, is there's so much space to add more feathers.

0:26:52 Gorgug: So there's not very many feathers, is what—

0:26:54 Thistlesprings: No, there's plenty of feathers. It can fly, right?

0:26:57 Brennan: Cloaca's having a hard time. [wings creaking]

0:27:00 Gorgug: Breathe, Cloaca. Breathe.

0:27:00 Ally: Breathe!

0:27:02 Gorgug: Just breathe.

0:27:04 Ally: That's how you fly, baby. Just breathe!

0:27:08 Brennan: Incredible. Gorgug, you get dropped off and see everybody else here at school.

0:27:13 Gorgug: Hey, guys.

0:27:14 Kristen: Why are you holding your sweatshirt like that?

0:27:16 Riz: Whatcha got there?

0:27:16 Fig: Yeah.

0:27:18 Gorgug: I just was running late and... you know, for artificers, a lot of them have those little robots they make, so I just wanted to have one for the first day of school.

0:27:30 Kristen: Oh my fucking god.

0:27:30 Siobhan: Oh.

0:27:33 Fig: That's honestly so literally metal.

0:27:36 Gorgug: Yeah, it's mostly metal.

0:27:39 Cloaca: [squawks] My name's Cloaca!

0:27:41 Riz: Oh.

0:27:42 Adaine: Oh!

0:27:42 Adaine: Oh, that's great.

0:27:43 Gorgug: It's Chloe, actually. It's Chloe.

0:27:45 Riz: Okay.

0:27:47 Kristen: Chloe? Short for Cloaca?

0:27:51 Riz: Chloe picked their own name, or...?

0:27:55 Gorgug: So I didn't realize it was in sort of a mode where it was absorbing kinda my first thoughts, and that was imprinted.

0:28:01 Fig: Your first thought was Cloaca?

0:28:04 Gorgug: Yeah, well, I think I was trying to think of bird stuff, but it's not even really a bird.

0:28:13 Kristen: If I'm being honest, I think I've heard the word cloaca, but I don't totally know what it is.

0:28:17 Gorgug: I thought a cloaca was a throat.

0:28:20 Fig: No, I think it's a— I think. One of the classes I audited, I think I learned that it's a single purpose excrement chute for a bird.

0:28:34 Gorgug: And it was explained to me later that that's what that is.

0:28:37 Fig: Okay.

0:28:37 Kristen: Oh, I see. A multipurpose—

0:28:41 Gorgug: I saw the long neck of the dragon head, and then...

0:28:45 Adaine: Can I touch it?

0:28:46 Gorgug: I feel like you shouldn't, but go for it.

0:28:48 Kristen: Honestly, I feel like your throat and your rectum are connected by a series of tubes, right? It is all kinda the same thing.

0:28:56 Fig: Oh, you're right!

0:28:58 Adaine: Yeah, if you think about it.

0:28:58 Kristen: It's just where on the train you're getting on.

0:29:00 Fig: Yeah, exactly! First class or...

0:29:03 Kristen: I think you were right.

0:29:05 Riz: You haven't been going to class?

0:29:07 Gorgug: You were saying it's connected by a series of tubes?

0:29:10 Kristen: You really gassed me up with that.

0:29:11 Adaine: I guess clerics do need to know about medicine.

0:29:14 Kristen: Yeah.

0:29:14 Riz: Yeah, that's true.

0:29:15 Murph: I hand Gorgug a packet just to check out.

0:29:19 Gorgug: Okay. For?

0:29:21 Riz: Just for—

0:29:22 Kristen: I'm noticing his is like a third of the size?

0:29:25 Riz: Yeah.

0:29:25 Kristen: Okay.

0:29:25 Fig: Can we switch?

0:29:25 Riz: No.

0:29:28 Brennan: Looking at your letters, basically you have the blank forms that Riz discovered, but you see that it looks like your parents tried to get it pre-filled out for you to have it on your first day. The only thing that's not clearing with what Riz knew about is there's a rejection form that just basically says, "Academic pre-approval will not be extended in this regard. Please see advisor."

0:29:52 Zac: I have to go to my barbarian teacher?

0:29:55 Brennan: Mm-hm.

0:29:56 Ally: So it just wasn't pre-approved. It doesn't mean it's not approved.

0:29:59 Gorgug: Get off my head. Get off my head.

0:30:01 Cloaca: [squawks] My name's Cloaca! I suck!

0:30:05 Gorgug: You're fucking sharp. You're sharp as fuck, stop.

0:30:09 Adaine: So you chose this amount of feathers? This is a choice?

0:30:13 Gorgug: This is more about the time I had, and I will definitely—

0:30:16 Fig: I kinda like it. It looks like he has a bad diet.

0:30:21 Gorgug: You know, I wasn't actually going for that.

0:30:24 Ally: Can I use Thaumaturgy to kinda make the feathers ruffle impressively?

0:30:29 Murph: Prestidigitation to add more feathers.

0:30:30 Siobhan: That's so cool, yeah.

0:30:30 Zac: There's like 10 feathers.

0:30:33 Brennan: Fabian, you arrive at this point. How is Fabian arriving to school?

0:30:37 Lou: Late and just so hungry. I think he spent most of his morning at his kitchen counter waiting for food to arrive, remembering that food wasn't coming, then trying to use the pad to order food and not being able to do it. I think he's also just still wearing the clothes from yesterday as well. Just hasn't changed.

0:30:55 Siobhan: So dusty, hasn't showered.

0:30:57 Lou: So dusty. Still has the tire marks on him.

0:31:01 Fabian: Hey, does anyone have any food?

0:31:04 Fig: Oh my god, so much.

0:31:04 Kristen: I've got a trash bag full of stuff.

0:31:06 Fabian: Oh Jesus, thank you. [groaning] Oh my god.

0:31:10 Kristen: The salami?

0:31:10 Fig: What happened? Why didn't you have breakfast? I feel like you always come totally full of—

0:31:15 Fabian: Well yes, normally Cathilda makes me a perfect breakfast, but now she's in Leviathan and Gilear and Mama are out on a cruise of some kind.

0:31:25 Fig: Gilear's on a cruise?

0:31:25 Fabian: So I have the house to myself. I don't know where any of the food is. I had two glasses of milk this morning, because I know where the glasses are and I know where the milk is.

0:31:33 Fig: That's not good. That's not good.

0:31:34 Fabian: Two, yes.

0:31:34 Fig: Two glasses of milk after we had cottage cheese a la mode last night?

0:31:42 Kristen: If you don't have a dairy allergy, you're creating one.

0:31:46 Fabian: Well, it's just nice to have something solid, you know?

0:31:49 Kristen: You can have as much as you want, and then I think there will still be a lot left over.

0:31:53 Fabian: Oh, perfect. Gorgug, what's that piece of trash you're carrying around?

0:31:57 Gorgug: This is actually my homunculus.

0:31:59 Fabian: Oh!

0:32:00 Fig: Cloaca.

0:32:02 Gorgug: Chloe. Chloe.

0:32:03 Ally: I use Prestidigitation to make it kind of ruffle a little bit at you, 3D style.

0:32:10 Emily: I do Minor Illusion to give it a cloaca.

0:32:12 Gorgug: Please don't.

0:32:14 Fabian: Oh. Well, that looks great, Gorgug.

0:32:17 Gorgug: Does it?

0:32:18 Ally: I'm really trying to see the cloaca. I don't totally get it still.

0:32:22 Gorgug: Stop looking down at it.

0:32:24 Ally: I drop something. I drop something.

0:32:28 Gorgug: Here you go, Kristen.

0:32:30 Brennan: You guys hear the bell ring. [bell rings]

0:32:31 Murph: Okay.

0:32:34 Kristen: God, that thing is so annoying. Anyway, what were we saying?

0:32:36 Gorgug: It's not annoying!

0:32:36 Kristen: No, sorry, the bell.

0:32:39 Fig: Riz, maybe I'll head to rogue class with you. [Riz grunts in frustration]

0:32:43 Fabian: Wait, Fig, I was gonna go to bard class with you.

0:32:45 Fig: Did you think I go to bard class?

0:32:47 Fabian: I don't know, I just thought maybe you knew where those classes were.

0:32:49 Riz: Yes!

0:32:51 Fig: Huh, do I know?

0:32:52 Adaine: Wow, wouldn't it be fun to go to class with your friend? I wish I could do that!

0:32:54 Fig: Hey, yeah, no!

0:32:55 Adaine: I wish I could go to class with my friend!

0:32:57 Fig: I'll walk you to bard class.

0:32:58 Fabian: Okay, thanks.

0:32:58 Riz: Perfect!

0:32:59 Fig: Yeah, I'll walk you to bard class.

0:33:01 Fabian: I appreciate that.

0:33:03 Brennan: You guys walk in. Walking up the front steps, right into the central building of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, you see the steps and have this sudden feeling of a tip over the summer, and suddenly you're like, oh, the majority of people here are younger than me. You guys see there's a little hobgoblin who's there in a sort of ill-fitting sweater, holding a little brass lollipop, looking around kind of expectantly. He looks like a fucking kid. He looks kinda frightened. As you ascend the steps, you hear coming over the PA,

0:33:37 Jace: Good morning and welcome to a brand new year at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy! This is your interim vice principal Jace Stardiamond.

0:33:48 Siobhan: Hell yeah.

0:33:49 Jace: Sort of moonlighting as the vice principal while also teaching sorcery classes. Sorcery students, don't worry, I will not have to worry about a split focus, 'cause sorcery is innate. There's nothing for me to teach, just sort of, you know, most of our classes are us hanging out and talking about how easy and fun magic is. Okay!

0:34:10 Fig: I know what I'm changing my major to. Riz buries his face in his hands.

0:34:15 Jace: For those of you who didn't get the email or didn't watch the video, our principal and founder, Arthur Aguefort, is on a journey through time with his daughter. Let's wish them well and hope that they don't fracture the space-time continuum in a way that would mess up with our awesome slate of classes. Simeon du Vayne, our new lunch lad, is cooking up some creamed corn and tuna surprise, yum!

0:34:40 Fig: Got big shoes to follow!

0:34:43 Ally: Big shoes to follow?

0:34:43 Riz: That also makes sense.

0:34:46 Fig: Big footsteps you better follow!

0:34:48 Ally: You watch some shoes go by, you are tailing those shoes.

0:34:51 Brennan: Sorry, as you say big shoes to follow, can you roll a Charisma saving throw with disadvantage?

0:35:00 Emily: That's a nat 20, but 18.

0:35:04 Brennan: 18, not bad. All of you watch as catastrophe is averted as Fig was about to step into basically an open construction pit happening in this school, but gets saved because someone carrying some gym equipment turns and whaps Fig in the face before she can walk into the—

0:35:24 Adaine: Oh my god, are you okay?

0:35:24 Kristen: Are you okay?

0:35:26 Adaine: You're bleeding.

0:35:26 Fig: Am I?

0:35:27 Adaine: I feel like you got more hurt by that gym equipment than you did by the ballista.

0:35:32 Fig: No, I still have a huge wound here. Fuck! I have to be honest, ever since I swallowed that darkness in battle, I think I awoke something fucked up.

0:35:45 Kristen: Oh no.

0:35:45 Gorgug: When did that happen?

0:35:47 Fig: Oh, you didn't see me swallow all of the Night Yorb darkness?

0:35:52 Gorgug: Oh, right.

0:35:52 Kristen: Oh!

0:35:53 Fig: And act like it made me stronger?

0:35:56 Gorgug: Yeah. Oh, yeah!

0:35:56 Adaine: You did eat a lot of shit. You said it tasted like ice.

0:36:00 Fig: Yeah, anyways, can you heal my broken nose?

0:36:06 Kristen: Yeah.

0:36:06 Ally: I do.

0:36:08 Brennan: As you walk up the steps, you walk in the front door— you walked through the same door on the first day. Looking around, remembering two years ago when Dayne and Penelope were standing here trying to reinstate prom king and queen. That devilish plot is no more. Instead, you actually see Jawbone at a little foldout table with this really lovely minotaur bard. Her name is Mazey Phaedra. She's the current class president. And you see that there is a signup sheet for student government at the front desk as people are coming in. Jace finishes the announcements and says,

0:36:43 Jace: Also, our interim principal Faeth actually is gonna be out on vacation for some time, so we're going to be heading to the auditorium to begin our year with an announcement from Emergency Backup Interim Principal Grix!

0:37:01 Emily: Grix? Have we heard of Grix before?

0:37:04 Brennan: You've never heard of Grix before.

0:37:05 Siobhan: G-R-I-X?

0:37:05 Brennan: G-R-I-X.

0:37:07 Emily: Principal Grix.

0:37:09 Jace: Also, for anyone still having nightmares from the four month unending night, we have some help for you waiting in the nurse's office. And on a more somber note, for those who met Balthazar briefly at the end of last year, there will be grief counseling in the auditorium.

0:37:25 Adaine: Oh my god, his parrots! Oh shit, did anybody think to check?

0:37:29 Kristen: All the parrots?

0:37:31 Adaine: I guess his wife is probably looking after them.

0:37:34 Gorgug: And then his children, and then grandchildren.

0:37:36 Adaine: Right, yeah.

0:37:38 Kristen: I hope the litter of parrots moved in with the children.

0:37:42 Riz: Should we sign up for student government?

0:37:46 Adaine: We?

0:37:47 Riz: Yeah, there's gonna be a cabinet, right?

0:37:50 Brennan: Jawbone's got a big thing of tea.

0:37:51 Jawbone: Hell yeah, hell yeah!

0:37:51 Emily: Okay!

0:37:53 Gorgug: Riz, we were kinda talking about Balthazar.

0:37:56 Riz: I know, I know, I know. And I'm not—

0:37:56 Kristen: We were kinda—

0:37:58 Fig: I actually think I could be pretty renegade in politics. What are you seeing for me?

0:38:03 Riz: Sort of a—

0:38:03 Fig: Principal?

0:38:06 Riz: Yeah?

0:38:06 Kristen: Student body principal?

0:38:09 Adaine: Yeah, student body principal.

0:38:10 Fig: I could run for principal.

0:38:11 Gorgug: How many spots in student government are there?

0:38:13 Murph: Good question. Can we check the little sheet?

0:38:15 Brennan: Yeah, you walk over. Mazey is one year ahead of you guys.

0:38:19 Ally: What's Mazey's deal?

0:38:20 Brennan: Mazey, she sort of looks like those Scottish Highland cows.

0:38:26 Siobhan: So cute!

0:38:27 Brennan: She sort of has this hair that hangs over her eyes, but she just smiles so broadly. Big minotaur, huge horns. She's got kind of an A-frame tank top on. She's got some cute beaded bracelets, and then very baggy pants. Fabian, go ahead and give me a Perception with advantage.

0:38:56 Lou: 13.

0:38:57 Brennan: You just notice that Mazey's got some cool— the socks she has on and the sneakers she has on, you actually know, 'cause they're sneakers from a line of dance footwear.

0:39:07 Emily: Oh, dancer bard.

0:39:07 Brennan: Dancer bard. So Mazey looks up, Jawbone's right next to her. You see Jawbone looks very happy and proud. Clearly he has a relationship with Mazey.

0:39:16 Fig: Mazey, how was your summer vacation?

0:39:19 Mazey: Oh, it was honestly really chill. I mean, it was freaky 'cause it was dark the whole time.

0:39:25 Fig: Right.

0:39:25 Mazey: But, you know, we had a little sun lamp in the studio. You know, physical activity's great for just, you know, trying to fight the big sads and stuff like that.

0:39:37 Adaine: Right.

0:39:38 Mazey: Thank you guys so much for defeating the Night Yorb. How did it happen? Where did it go down? What part of Spyre were you in?

0:39:45 Fig: The Red Waste.

0:39:45 Fabian: Everywhere.

0:39:47 Fig: All over.

0:39:47 Adaine: Yeah, kinda everywhere.

0:39:49 Fig: We kinda did a tour.

0:39:49 Kristen: Culminated in the Red Waste.

0:39:50 Riz: It was Gorgug.

0:39:53 Fig: Gorgug freaking pulled deep into a well of magic that I think is probably more powerful than anyone at this school, and sealed the Night Yorb.

0:40:02 Mazey: Yeah, hey, Ayda always said that you were the greatest wizard of the age, so that's pretty sick.

0:40:07 Gorgug: I mean, you know, sometimes it comes from nowhere, almost, it feels like.

0:40:11 Fig: Gorgug also made this.

0:40:11 Emily: I point to Cloaca.

0:40:15 Cloaca: I suck!

0:40:19 Gorgug: He came back on my other arm.

0:40:21 Riz: Can't fly great.

0:40:21 Mazey: Oh, cool!

0:40:24 Brennan: You see Jawbone says,

0:40:24 Jawbone: What's its name? Cloaca?

0:40:28 Gorgug: Chloe.

0:40:28 Fig: Cloaca.

0:40:29 Adaine: Cloaca.

0:40:29 Fabian: It's Cloaca.

0:40:31 Jawbone: All right, hey—

0:40:31 Adaine: Gorgug chose it.

0:40:33 Jawbone: You know, I had a friend, back when I was living out in the Red Waste myself, who had a cloaca and a secret cloaca, and he kept a gun in there.

0:40:44 Fig: Whoa!

0:40:44 Gorgug: In the cloaca?

0:40:46 Fabian: In the second cloaca?

0:40:46 Jawbone: The second one.

0:40:49 Fabian: What made it a secret?

0:40:49 Fig: Was it vestigial?

0:40:51 Adaine: What made it a cloaca?

0:40:52 Jawbone: No, actually, so he was part of a kind of, there's a small group of snapping turtle people out in the Red Waste, and they just evolved a secondary sort of decoy cloaca.

0:41:04 Adaine: Cool.

0:41:05 Gorgug: That's sort of just for guns?

0:41:08 Jawbone: I don't think it's for guns, but let me tell you, it doesn't hurt when shit goes down and you gotta hop skedaddle out of the pool hall 'cause a couple of, you know, bad customers are breaking cues on their knees, and they're gonna try to stake you 'cause they mistakenly think you're a vampire, it's nice to be able to pull—

0:41:25 Adaine: They thought the snapping turtle was a vampire?

0:41:26 Jawbone: No, me. They thought I was a vampire.

0:41:29 Gorgug: But you're a werewolf.

0:41:29 Jawbone: Well, because I asked—

0:41:31 Adaine: Everybody knows about the endless war between werewolves and vampires.

0:41:34 Jawbone: There was a shot at that bar that was molten metal, and I asked if it had any silver in it, and they were like, "Vampire!" And I was like, what? No!

0:41:43 Adaine: So they got their racism wrong.

0:41:44 Jawbone: Yeah, they got their lore mixed up.

0:41:45 Adaine: Got it.

0:41:45 Kristen: And then the turtle reached deep into its cloaca and shot them dead?

0:41:50 Jawbone: Pulled out a gun and killed three of them. I'm so excited for your junior year! Big things ahead.

0:41:56 Adaine: Yeah, us too.

0:41:56 Riz: Yeah, we were thinking about, you know, padding the ol' transcripts.

0:42:00 Fig: Yeah, we're interested in student government.

0:42:00 Adaine: Yeah.

0:42:03 Jawbone: Okay, not a bad idea, not a bad idea.

0:42:06 Ally: Can I ask Mazey,

0:42:06 Kristen: What was student government like? You're the— what are you?

0:42:13 Brennan: She shrugs and says,

0:42:13 Mazey: So I'm class president right now. Right now, you know, it's exciting so far, but for you guys as juniors, you wouldn't be in the senior class government, but the thing that's available to juniors is signing up for if you wanna run for class president next year. So it's basically like juniors are participating in the campaign.

0:42:35 Fig: Well, I mean, president would need leadership qualities, need to be an inspiring leader. [looking at Kristen]

0:42:40 Adaine: Wow, I know somebody who gives really good speeches.

0:42:44 Fabian: All right, everyone relax. I'm not gonna do it.

0:42:49 Riz: Oh, okay, Fabian.

0:42:49 Kristen: Oh yeah!

0:42:52 Riz: Well, if Fabian won't, maybe Kristen.

0:42:54 Kristen: I guess if you aren't, then maybe I would, I don't know.

0:42:57 Fabian: Oh. Oh, okay, yeah.

0:42:58 Adaine: I mean, you're already captain of the bloodrush team.

0:43:00 Fabian: Yeah, I've already got a lot going on.

0:43:02 Adaine: You've got a lot going on, and you've got all your dance stuff.

0:43:04 Kristen: What do you get? Do you get keys to stuff that other people don't have?

0:43:09 Mazey: What do you get?

0:43:09 Kristen: Yeah.

0:43:11 Mazey: Well, it's mostly a position of service.

0:43:15 Riz: Kristen.

0:43:15 Kristen: Just level with me, though. You got keys to rooms that have unlimited—

0:43:20 Mazey: Yeah, I have a couple. I have one or two keys.

0:43:22 Fabian: Kristen, you gotta do it.

0:43:22 Kristen: So many shirts, candy.

0:43:24 Fabian: You've gotta do it.

0:43:25 Zac: I'm gonna go talk to the barbarian teacher.

0:43:28 Brennan: As you're heading off, you actually see walking up to you, as Kristen doubles back and forth a little bit, a young halfling student who looks like probably another junior walks up. She's got black flats with these knee-high white socks and this tight blond ponytail, who walks up with a clipboard, and she has a little pin on her sweater. Riz, on a passive Investigation of 21, the pin's quite small, it's a little enamel pin of two gears closing and clamping down on the butt, and crushing the butt of a rat.

0:44:03 Emily: What?

0:44:03 Siobhan: Ew.

0:44:05 Murph: I point it out. What?

0:44:07 Brennan: She walks up and goes,

0:44:07 Preppy Junior: Ahem. Hi, I'd like to sign up to run for class president.

0:44:12 Brennan: And you see Mazey says—

0:44:12 Kristen: [whispering] This bitch.

0:44:16 Siobhan: [whispering] Who even is she?

0:44:16 Preppy Junior: Hi!

0:44:19 Adaine: [at normal volume] Hi, so nice to meet you. I'm Adaine.

0:44:21 Preppy Junior: I know who you are. It's nice to meet you.

0:44:23 Adaine: Of course you do. Who are you?

0:44:25 Kipperlilly: My name's Kipperlilly Copperkettle.

0:44:27 Adaine: Kipperlilly Copperkettle?

0:44:29 Kristen: What are you, four different dogs? [cast cracks up]

0:44:34 Lou: Oh shit! Shit!

0:44:37 Ally: A white family's fleet of dogs.

0:44:42 Emily: Four Yorkshire Terriers.

0:44:46 Riz: Wonderful to meet someone else interested in student government. Kristen Applebees actually is also running for—

0:44:53 Kristen: I'm toying with the idea.

0:44:53 Kipperlilly: Mm-hmm.

0:44:55 Fig: I love your pin.

0:44:55 Emily: And I kinda say it with a knowing thing like I know what it means.

0:45:01 Kipperlilly: Oh, this is from my adventuring party.

0:45:04 Adaine: Oh sick, who's in your adventuring party?

0:45:06 Kristen: You're in the Buttcrushers?

0:45:09 Ally: I don't know why, but I've gone so aggro. This is the kind of energy that really gets me going as someone with ADHD and failing grades.

0:45:19 Siobhan: Just this type A-type person.

0:45:21 Ally: Oh, looks like you didn't get pulled out the door and an energy drink slapped out of your hand with a big sub in a trash bag.

0:45:26 Siobhan: Oh, you woke up this morning and voluntarily made breakfast for all of your family?

0:45:29 Ally: I'm holding my trash bag sub.

0:45:29 Kristen: Are you in the Buttcrushers?

0:45:36 Kipperlilly: I'm in the Ratgrinders.

0:45:36 Kristen: Oh!

0:45:38 Adaine: Oh cool, yeah, why are you called that? What happened?

0:45:42 Kipperlilly: It's a little inside joke. You know, why are you guys called the Bad Kids?

0:45:45 Adaine: Well, yeah, 'cause on our first day—

0:45:46 Riz: We're actually called the PhotosyntheKIDs.

0:45:46 Adaine: We're not. We're not actually called that.

0:45:47 Fabian: No, we are not.

0:45:48 Kipperlilly: The Photosynthekids, cool.

0:45:49 Fig: I actually love Photosynthekids.

0:45:50 Kristen: I love it.

0:45:51 Adaine: It's a bit that Riz thinks that we're called that, but we're absolutely not.

0:45:54 Kipperlilly: Well listen, this has been really fun.

0:45:57 Adaine: So nice to meet you.

0:45:57 Kipperlilly: Nice to meet you. You asked who else is in the party. Probably you would know Ruben.

0:46:02 Brennan: She points down the hall. You see there is a little gnomish bard, another junior. He's got the emo swoop. He's got the T-shirt over the striped long sleeved shirt, big chain. And you see everyone is rushing up to him and crowding around him, asking for signatures. You immediately look at him and you see someone holds up a book that has the lyrics from that song of the summer from the car on the back of it.

0:46:35 Fig: This fucker.

0:46:35 Fabian: Wow.

0:46:36 Fig: We get it, you made a career out of being toxic in relationships.

0:46:41 Kristen: Wow.

0:46:42 Fabian: We saved the world, and not one person has asked for our autographs.

0:46:46 Fig: Yeah!

0:46:46 Kristen: And you're in a famous band that's actually good!

0:46:48 Fig: Yeah! Well—

0:46:49 Adaine: So, your sophomore album is a little late, but you just need it to cook for as long as it needs to cook.

0:46:54 Kristen: Exactly.

0:46:54 Fabian: Kristen, you have to run for student government and crush her.

0:46:55 Kristen: I agree!

0:46:58 Fig: First off, you need to take down... You need to take down… [Emily reads off her notes] Kipperlilly Copperpetal.

0:47:05 Kipperlilly: Copperkettle.

0:47:05 Emily: Copperkettle.

0:47:07 Ally: She's still here!

0:47:10 Emily: Pretend like I didn't say that! Gift of Gab!

0:47:13 Brennan: Kipperlilly turns around. Jawbone looks nonplussed at this interaction. Mazey is sort of tilting her head a little bit. Kipperlilly goes up and says,

0:47:22 Kipperlilly: Yeah, I'd like to run for class president. I think I could really help the school in a lot of ways.

0:47:26 Brennan: Mazey says,

0:47:26 Mazey: Great, so campaign hours have to be limited, 'cause you need to find a gap in your schedule.

0:47:33 Brennan: She's like,

0:47:33 Kipperlilly: Oh, that won't be necessary. I've aced junior year.

0:47:36 Brennan: And she slides an envelope across the desk. Mazey goes,

0:47:39 Mazey: Sorry, what?

0:47:39 Brennan: Jawbone sort of furrows his eyes. She says,

0:47:43 Kipperlilly: Yes, I found the rogue professor. So according to the bylaws, I'm actually done. So I'll have full time to be able to devote to the campaign. Thank you!

0:47:52 Emily: Can we—

0:47:54 Kipperlilly: Very nice meeting you. Good luck with the Buttcrushers.

0:47:57 Fig: Wait, Kipperlilly, Kipperlilly, I'm just curious, what is the platform that you're running on? What are the changes that you see happening for Elmville?

0:48:04 Adaine: Yeah, you're probably a soda in the water fountains kind of a girl, right?

0:48:07 Fig: That would actually be so sick.

0:48:09 Kristen: Great idea.

0:48:11 Ally: That's the only note I've written on my campaign book.

0:48:14 Kipperlilly: My platform is about equality, equanimity, and fairness under the rules. In the past, there has been an eccentricity to the bureaucratic and administrative decisions of the Aguefort Adventuring Academy that has favored some students over others. Very nice to meet you guys.

0:48:37 Zac: God, her eyes.

0:48:37 Ally: Her eyes.

0:48:40 Siobhan: As soon as she turns away, I turn around and go,

0:48:42 Adaine: That girl is worse than Kalvaxus. I know that Kalvaxus was bad. She is our greatest enemy yet.

0:48:47 Fig: She hates Aguefort!

0:48:48 Ally: Who's the emo person?

0:48:48 Emily: Ruben.

0:48:52 Murph: Can multiple people find the rogue professor?

0:48:54 Brennan: Rogue class is actually just the rogue students comparing notes and finding clues and lessons and puzzles that the rogue professor has left hidden around in trapped areas and other stuff like that. You've been going here for years, you've done all your classes, but you've still never met the teacher. The teacher just leaves calling cards in cat burgled second story windows. The rule is, if you find the rogue professor in a year, you ace all of your classes for that year.

0:49:26 Ally: And then you just get to do whatever you want.

0:49:28 Brennan: Yep.

0:49:29 Siobhan: Sick. Oh, can I, just for fun, because I have the ability to do it, turn on my thing where I can see into the Ethereal Plane and see what Aguefort looks like in the Ethereal Plane?

0:49:39 Brennan: Yeah, absolutely. The landscape of Aguefort is very different in the ethereal world. There's a lot of things— So immediately, everything fades away. The first thing you see is in the teacher's break room, there is a container of bright, vivid steaks. There are a bunch of steaks in a Tupperware that, because you're looking into the Ethereal, seem more real than the material world around them. You realize those are ghost steaks sitting in a—

0:50:03 Siobhan: Got it. Delicious.

0:50:05 Brennan: Delicious. But there is a lot of ethereal landscape. You see a number of abjurations and wards that have Arthur Aguefort's arcane mark on them. They are not too terribly powerful because Aguefort has... One of the professors is a ghost. You don't know which one, you've never seen them, but one of the teachers at Aguefort is a ghost.

0:50:27 Adaine: Riz, maybe the rogue teacher is a ghost, and that's why you've never seen them.

0:50:31 Brennan: And there's some other gewgaws and bits of interest, but I think fundamentally you would say this is not a perfectly warded campus because it's very porous to allow the ghosts that they want to be able to come here.

0:50:42 Siobhan: Great.

0:50:43 Fabian: Mazey.

0:50:43 Mazey: Yes?

0:50:45 Fabian: Couldn't help but notice you've got a pair of— pair of Badidas.

0:50:53 Mazey: Yeah, I got some Badidas on.

0:50:56 Fabian: Those are hot. Those were the limited run, right, from two years ago?

0:51:00 Mazey: Oh yeah, I had to wait in line all day.

0:51:02 Fabian: Gosh.

0:51:02 Ally: You got a pair of Badidas?

0:51:05 Brennan: Badidas, which is fake Adidas, but Fabian does mispronounce it. It is ba-DEE-das, but you say BAH-dee-DAS.

0:51:14 Lou: Badidas.

0:51:17 Fabian: Are you in the dancing program here?

0:51:20 Mazey: Oh yeah. I started as a drummer and I still do drumming, and I do a little bit of shawm, the sort of pan flute. But dance just spoke to me a lot more.

0:51:32 Fabian: That's funny, it's kinda been my summer's... I discovered dance kinda towards the end of sophomore year and have just been really leaning in. I kinda feel like, you know, it's a real calling for me.

0:51:43 Mazey: Do you wanna move, multiclass into—

0:51:46 Fabian: Yes, that's the plan.

0:51:49 Brennan: She writes a name down.

0:51:50 Mazey: You should go talk— 'cause there's a couple different bard teachers here, just because bardic stuff is so interdisciplinary.

0:51:55 Fabian: Yes, yes.

0:51:56 Mazey: There's a lot of stuff going on. You should go talk to— she's sort of like the department chair.

0:52:02 Brennan: And she slides a little note saying, "Good egg, heart, Mazey," hands it to you and says,

0:52:07 Mazey: Terpsichore Skullcleaver. She's the department chair for that, and she's the dance instructor. I'll let you know right now, she's mad old.

0:52:21 Fabian: Okay.

0:52:21 Mazey: She can still bust a move. It's actually pretty freaking impressive. But as a choreographer, as someone who understands dance, the way she talks about it, I think you would really gel if you're looking to multiclass.

0:52:34 Fabian: Yeah, all right, well, I appreciate the tip. I'm gonna go, you know, chat her up.

0:52:40 Brennan: Mazey looks at you and says,

0:52:40 Mazey: Heads up, 'cause you are a junior now, but also I know that you started Aguefort a little late because you were adventuring with your dad.

0:52:50 Fabian: Yeah, I was a little bit older, you know. Yeah, me and my papa were out tearing around the world.

0:52:56 Mazey: So here's the deal. Jem Peppercorn graduated at the end of last year.

0:53:03 Fabian: Uh-huh.

0:53:04 Mazey: So senior class is talking, and there's sort of like... Jem had the party house.

0:53:11 Fabian: So you're telling me you're looking for a new party house.

0:53:14 Mazey: I'm just saying—

0:53:15 Fabian: 'Cause I'll tell you, you're looking at a party boy.

0:53:19 Mazey: Okay.

0:53:19 Fabian: Who lives in a big house by himself.

0:53:21 Mazey: I'll put on my dancing Badidas.

0:53:23 Fabian: Badidas!

0:53:23 Mazey: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

0:53:25 Fabian: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:53:25 Mazey: Well, cool!

0:53:27 Fabian: All right, well, do you have my number? Here, take it.

0:53:30 Mazey: Oh, yeah.

0:53:30 Lou: I write on half of the paper that she gave me and tear it off.

0:53:34 Brennan: She takes it from you. She types her number into the thing. Anyone who wants to, give me an Insight check.

0:53:41 Zac: Gorgug's halfway down the hall, but stops.

0:53:42 Ally: Nat 20.

0:53:44 Brennan: Nat 20? Kristen, you clock a vibe. Mazey is putting her number into Fabian's phone, there's a vibe.

0:53:50 Ally: I'd like to use Thaumaturgy to create harmless tremors in the ground for one minute.

0:53:56 Mazey: Shit, earthquake.

0:53:56 Brennan: Jawbone's like,

0:53:56 Jawbone: Everybody get under a desk! Everybody get under a doorway!

0:54:01 Kristen: Don't worry, it's just, you know—

0:54:02 Jawbone: Everybody, it's all right! Be safe! I'll cover you!

0:54:05 Brennan: You see Jawbone jumps over Adaine and Fig. He's like,

0:54:07 Jawbone: The rocks won't hurt my body! I'm a werewolf!

0:54:10 Kristen: Oh, someone grab onto each other! Someone protect someone else!

0:54:17 Brennan: So yeah, Mazey looks and says,

0:54:20 Mazey: You could get an early start on that. Having the same house carry over junior to senior, you know, that's pretty legendary.

0:54:24 Fabian: I mean, it could be huge. Is there a— Do I need to submit or do I just throw an absolute banger?

0:54:31 Brennan: Give me a Persuasion check.

0:54:35 Siobhan: So close to a 20.

0:54:35 Lou: So close. A dirty 20.

0:54:38 Brennan: Dirty 20.

0:54:39 Lou: Or excuse me, 16.

0:54:40 Brennan: She says,

0:54:40 Mazey: Submit? Listen, we're doing bureaucracy here. The party house is something you feel in your heart.

0:54:47 Fabian: Well, I'll tell you, my heart is thumping.

0:54:50 Brennan: She turns actually to you, Riz, and says,

0:54:50 Mazey: I'll say this, because I heard you mention campaign manager before. Having the party house in the party—

0:55:00 Riz: Good way to meet the constituents.

0:55:01 Siobhan: Ooh.

0:55:01 Brennan: Just saying. You see that Mazey looks over at you, Kristen, and says,

0:55:05 Mazey: So that would impact you as well.

0:55:08 Kristen: [glaring] Yeah. [Brennan snorts] [Emily laughs]

0:55:11 Riz: You good, Kristen?

0:55:11 Fabian: Yeah, Kristen, are you—

0:55:13 Kristen: What's up?

0:55:13 Adaine: Kristen, are you good?

0:55:15 Fabian: Yeah, okay. We'll catch them up.

0:55:20 Kristen: That's a great way to meet... The constituents?

0:55:22 Riz: There we go!

0:55:25 Brennan: Incredible. You head over to the auditorium very briefly before you can actually split off and go to your classes. As the class settles in, there's a hush. Jace Stardiamond comes out and goes,

0:55:38 Jace: All right, welcome to another year, Agueforters. I know that Arthur's not gonna be with us this year, and also our beloved vice principal Gilear Faeth is out on vacation, so—

0:55:48 Fig: Woo! Woo, woo!

0:55:51 Emily: I try and get a standing ovation going.

0:55:55 Brennan: Give me a Persuasion check.

0:55:57 Ally: Which means you start standing and clapping?

0:56:01 Emily: Okay, that's a 22.

0:56:04 Ally: I join.

0:56:04 Adaine: Yeah!

0:56:07 Brennan: Honestly, you are all teens. The bit is hilarious. Everyone's like, "Gilear! That's my fucking boy!"

0:56:14 Fabian: It's not gonna be the same without him!

0:56:17 Adaine: He does a job that we all understand and appreciate.

0:56:22 Murph: Riz definitely has been on the other end of people pretending to really like him and is like, oh no.

0:56:31 Brennan: Incredible. Jace Stardiamond says,

0:56:31 Jace: Without further ado, especially for you freshmen coming in for another exciting year, please give it up for Interim Emergency Backup Principal Arcturus Grix! Riz hesitantly claps.

0:56:44 Gorgug: Arcturus?

0:56:46 Fabian: The Ball, stop. We don't know who it is.

0:56:49 Brennan: A warforged, presumably spellcaster with no weapons anywhere, in a suit jacket with these gleaming arcano-tech crystalline robotic eyes whose lower half is a ball mount, so instead of legs it's sort of like a rolling—

0:57:05 Emily: Like riding a Pilates ball?

0:57:05 Brennan: Like riding a Pilates ball.

0:57:07 Siobhan: Hell yeah. [machinery whirring]

0:57:11 Grix: Welcome, one and all, to another exciting year at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, where we train the next generation of adventurers. But what is an adventurer? One who goes on adventures? Yes.

0:57:29 Fig: Oh.

0:57:30 Gorgug: Holy shit. Look at this guy.

0:57:34 Riz: This dude's smart.

0:57:36 Grix: I have been created, constructed, and designed by your principal, Arthur Aguefort, to enact perfect adventuring order. Bureaucracy shall be maintained, administration expedited, rules enforced to the utmost ability of this student government. I wish all of you a productive, industrious, and academically challenging year. Remember, the strength of the hero is the strength of the party. That is mandatory.

0:58:15 Siobhan: Can I do an Arcana check on him?

0:58:17 Emily: Yeah, I'm feeling like someone hacked this.

0:58:20 Siobhan: 27.

0:58:22 Brennan: 27. You see there's a flicker of arcano-tech light in Principal Grix's eye, and you see he just steeples his fingers again and goes,

0:58:29 Grix: Perfect order. And wheels out. You see a hush falls over the student body. Jace Stardiamond walks out and is like,

0:58:42 Jace: Okay, perfect order! Adaine raises her hand.

0:58:45 Gorgug: That's the kinda shit I'm trying to make.

0:58:46 Jace: We're not really taking questions, but you did raise your hand so forcefully. Adaine Abernant!

0:58:51 Adaine: Yeah, we're not really doing order order, though, right? This is still Aguefort.

0:58:57 Jace: Principal... Sorry, Interim Emergency Backup Principal Grix was created by Arthur Aguefort.

0:59:03 Adaine: Sure, but his name is not on the building, though, right?

0:59:06 Jace: That's true.

0:59:09 Riz: [raises his hand] Uh, sorry—

0:59:09 Jace: Yeah, Riz? Riz Gukgak?

0:59:11 Riz: Sort of as a rules follower myself, I don't like it when there are hard rules. It's more fun to kinda be the curmudgeon, so if that's kind of what the bad guy is doing—

0:59:20 Jace: Sorry, you said what?

0:59:20 Riz: I don't know.

0:59:22 Jace: The bad guy?

0:59:22 Riz: No, no no no no no!

0:59:24 Adaine: Yeah, I mean, just, sorry—

0:59:24 Jace: So this is sort of... Other Bad Kids raise their hand.

0:59:27 Brennan: You see Principal Grix wheels back out and says,

0:59:30 Grix: This is exactly what I'm talking about!

0:59:32 Brennan: Casts Time Stop, and all of you are in the hallway in a single file line.

0:59:39 Adaine: What the fuck?

0:59:39 Gorgug: Hey!

0:59:41 Adaine: I didn't consent to that!

0:59:41 Fabian: Whoa! See, The Ball? This is why you don't just applaud.

0:59:46 Ally: Can I look for Mollykiggins Kippermedley?

0:59:50 Emily: Kipperlilly Copperkettle.

0:59:52 Ally: Is she around?

0:59:53 Brennan: Give me a Perception check.

0:59:55 Emily: I mean, we all agree, if Aguefort made that machine, it got hacked.

0:59:58 Ally: 20, dirty.

0:59:59 Brennan: Dirty 20. You look around and don't see Kipperlilly anywhere. So students, sort of shocked to find themselves in this weird single file line, all come to and begin to head off and start going to their various classes. You have probably 10 minutes in between the end of the auditorium and when your first class begins. So if there's any administrative stuff or things you need to do about multiclassing or student body president, you have about 10 minutes to run and get stuff done before your class.

1:00:27 Murph: Okay, really quick, I give you guys all the info on the MCATs and things like that,

1:00:32 Riz: Just the multiclass things, just in case, just in case you wanna check it out or whatever.

1:00:35 Fabian: All right, cool, yeah.

1:00:36 Riz: And then also, I didn't run this by anybody, but my mom was also investigating something by the Frosty Fair Folk. They were accused of embezzlement.

1:00:48 Gorgug: Oh. You know, it's funny you should mention that. We're hosting the festival at my parents', at our tree.

1:01:02 Fig: Well, I was planning on trying to maybe debut a song from my sophomore album that I haven't written yet 'cause I'm having a pretty bad bout of writer's block, and I was gonna look into maybe trying to do a set there.

1:01:19 Riz: Okay, we should I guess make sure that your parents aren't gonna be stuck with an embezzlement charge for something weird.

1:01:26 Kristen: Yeah.

1:01:27 Gorgug: I honestly cannot think about that right now.

1:01:32 Riz: It's fine!

1:01:34 Zac: I'm looking at the embodiment of writer's block. [Cloaca squawks]

1:01:38 Fabian: Could we just take a hot break from doing, you know, Bad Kids get into everything? Maybe we just fucking relax?

1:01:48 Kristen: I have a campaign to focus on.

1:01:50 Riz: Yes, that's true.

1:01:50 Fig: Yeah, that's true, and by the way, I'm gonna be your Secret Service.

1:01:54 Kristen: Okay. What does that mean?

1:01:56 Fig: It means I go into German Shepherd mode.

1:02:00 Fabian: It came back to me in a second. I was like, what does it...? Of course.

1:02:03 Fig: Okay, look, I think no one has to do Bad Kids stuff, but I'm gonna go to bard class. You're gonna love this. I'm not gonna be going as myself, because I wanna try—

1:02:14 Riz: What? No! [covers his face] Why, though? Why, though, why?

1:02:19 Fig: I'm gonna try to become friends with Ruben.

1:02:23 Kristen: That's so smart. As who?

1:02:26 Emily: Are we private enough that I can cast a spell and no one will notice?

1:02:29 Brennan: You're in the hallway, but you could go to your locker.

1:02:31 Emily: I bring everyone into the bathroom with me.

1:02:37 Kristen: Doesn't it smell amazing in here?

1:02:39 Emily: I'm gonna cast Disguise Self on myself to look like an emo girlie.

1:02:46 Fabian: Oh.

1:02:47 Emily: I don't look like Fig and I'm full emo girlie.

1:02:49 Siobhan: So you just look exactly like Fig, but you have a side sweep bang.

1:02:53 Emily: Well, I don't look like Fig, 'cause I need him to think I'm someone else.

1:02:56 Ally: You're not metal, you're emo, yes.

1:02:59 Riz: Why do you need him to think you're someone else, though, right?

1:03:01 Fig: Because I'm gonna try and befriend him.

1:03:03 Kristen: This is so smart.

1:03:04 Gorgug: Did he know who you are?

1:03:04 Adaine: You don't think that he would befriend Fig?

1:03:07 Fig: But Disguise Self! I'm disguising myself!

1:03:09 Gorgug: Okay.

1:03:09 Riz: Then you're not gonna get credits for your class, though.

1:03:13 Fig: Yeah, but I'm gonna get information!

1:03:14 Adaine: But maybe— okay. So you're dressed up as that, but as a really funny joke, you sign in as yourself in the class.

1:03:22 Gorgug: I don't know, I think this could work.

1:03:24 Adaine: I think that'd be really funny.

1:03:26 Gorgug: Do you have a fake name? Spend longer than two seconds thinking of it. If I've learned anything this morning.

1:03:33 Kristen: Childa Childa.

1:03:37 Fig: Childa Childa.

1:03:38 Fabian: Childa at least for one name is kinda cool.

1:03:40 Adaine: Yeah, maybe we could have a different name.

1:03:41 Fig: Wanda Childa.

1:03:41 Kristen: Wanda Childa.

1:03:43 Fabian: Wanda Childa?

1:03:43 Fig: Wanda Childa.

1:03:45 Fabian: Wanda Childa? That's pretty cool.

1:03:47 Gorgug: I'll take one Dechilda.

1:03:49 Fabian: Guys, I have to go talk to this person before class.

1:03:52 Gorgug: Yeah, me too.

1:03:53 Fig: But I think everyone's allowed to not do Bad Kids stuff.

1:03:56 Fabian: I wanna hang out, I just—

1:03:58 Fig: There was a vibe, though, with you and Mazey!

1:04:00 Fabian: No, not really, you know? I kinda have that with everyone, you know?

1:04:06 Kristen: I don't know, the earth was shaking, it was so romantic. If there's one thing I know, when love is in the air, there should be a tiny emergency.

1:04:14 Fabian: Guys, stop, all right? I'm still not over Ecaf. Anyway, I'm gonna go talk to this woman.

1:04:21 Riz: She was a mirror.

1:04:21 Fig: She was a turncoat!

1:04:22 Fabian: I know!

1:04:22 Adaine: She was a turncoat. She was bad for you, man.

1:04:23 Riz: She was a mirror, though. More importantly, she was a mirror.

1:04:27 Kristen: She was a turncoat!

1:04:30 Emily: I Minor Illusion her spying in the window.

1:04:33 Adaine: Ecaf, get out of here!

1:04:33 Riz: No! You have to get away from here.

1:04:39 Kristen: Wait a minute! Hey, girlie!

1:04:42 Adaine: This is the girls' bathroom, you weirdo. Ecaf, get out of here!

1:04:44 Kristen: There's that fucking girlie! There's that fucking girlie.

1:04:49 Ally: It completely fools me.

1:04:52 Brennan: Okay!

1:04:52 Lou: All right.

1:04:55 Brennan: Wanda Childa, okay.

1:04:55 Lou: Wanda Childa!

1:04:58 Emily: Wanda Childa. I have ear gauges. I have a little spiky emo hair.

1:05:04 Ally: Chill.

1:05:05 Brennan: So an emo, kind of a ringer for Fig, but different enough to not look like Fig, emo style, walks out. Where do people head off to? Is anyone trying to get something done in that little window before class?

1:05:18 Zac: Definitely trying to get in to talk to a teacher about my rejected transcript thing.

1:05:24 Brennan: Hell yeah, what kind of teacher do you think you would look for? Do you think you would look for an administrative person? Do you think you would look for the artificer teacher?

1:05:31 Zac: What's the barbarian—

1:05:31 Brennan: Porter.

1:05:33 Zac: Yeah, I would go to Porter, I guess.

1:05:35 Brennan: That's okay, because you're actually heading to class, so you get to class about eight minutes early or whatever and you see Porter setting up the barbarian room. There's a bunch of giant stone obelisks and stuff to crash. Porter, tall goliath man, has this long ponytail, this kind of deep V-neck shirt, giant warhammer behind him. You see he's setting up, looks around.

1:06:00 Porter: Oh, hello there, Thistlespring. A little bit early.

1:06:03 Gorgug: Hey, yeah, I just... I was hoping I could catch you before class, because I wanted to... I'm trying to... I don't know what's going on, but I realized that my form was rejected for multiclass stuff.

1:06:16 Porter: That's right, your parents submitted for the Multiclass Achievement Test, I understand. Is that something that you're passionate about, you're interested in?

1:06:28 Gorgug: Yeah, I got pretty interested in it at the end of last year. I feel like I'm getting to it a little late, but I think it's fun.

1:06:38 Porter: Do you feel like your achievements in barbarian classes would be able to weather that sort of split focus?

1:06:48 Gorgug: I feel like... Am I not doing good in... I thought I was doing okay.

1:06:52 Porter: I spoke with Henry, who's the artificer teacher here. The requirements for the MCAT are that I feel that your proficiency in your barbarian classes is so above and beyond that you would not suffer academically by multiclassing into another class. Now look, if you wanted to go take a class, audit something with Ms. Jones, go look at some fighter classes, something like that, that would be a different discussion. You're talking about being an artificer. How is that going to work with you being in a rage in battle? You're gonna be fixing machines while you let yourself be consumed by the power of rage? Help me make it make sense.

1:07:44 Gorgug: I guess that's kinda why I wanted to get into the class, to see if I could figure... It definitely is not exactly making sense, I guess, up top, and I was hoping if I learned more about artificer stuff, I could figure out a way to make it... I figured out certain things. I can jump.

1:08:07 Porter: You can jump?

1:08:09 Gorgug: I can set myself up to jump, and then go into a rage, and I can jump pretty far.

1:08:14 Porter: Can you show me that?

1:08:16 Gorgug: Yeah, give me a couple minutes. Can you hold this?

1:08:20 Cloaca: I suck!

1:08:22 Gorgug: You really shouldn't hold it by the... It can perch, and it feels like you're squeezing it.

1:08:27 Porter: I'm all right.

1:08:27 Gorgug: Okay.

1:08:28 Porter: I'm good like this.

1:08:29 Gorgug: I just kinda spent a lot of the morning... Okay.

1:08:32 Zac: Gorgug...

1:08:35 Gorgug: Can you stop? I'm just sort of worried about how this—

1:08:42 Porter: Are you worried? Are you worried right now? How are you feeling?

1:08:48 Gorgug: I'm going into a worry, yeah.

1:08:52 Porter: Here, take your bird. Look, that's what I'm talking about, Gorgug. I'll be honest. You have an incredible natural aptitude for this type of adventuring. You're incredibly tough. You're incredibly strong. There are parts of being, you know— your reflexes are incredible, you dodge things effortlessly. Most of what I see from you in class is, your rage is a place that you go to to put your body on the line for your friends. It's very selfless, very noble. Do I see you actually capable of wielding the destructive power of rage, when the chips are really down? How did you defeat the Night Yorb?

1:09:41 Gorgug: I guess... It's funny you should say that, 'cause I tapped into the innate magic within me and I kind of sealed it away, so...

1:09:54 Porter: So, yeah. Doesn't sound like rage to me.

1:09:59 Gorgug: Yeah, I guess not. I think I—

1:10:03 Porter: Look, I'm not gonna approve you.

1:10:07 Gorgug: I can't just—

1:10:07 Porter: I don't see the benefit to artificer classes to your barbarian training. If you want to exit barbarian classes and go become an artificer, I don't have a way of stopping you from doing that, and maybe you'd be happier, better off, not being a barbarian at all. But I haven't seen what I need to see in class. Now, would I be speaking this bluntly if you were just starting your junior year? No, I would be encouraging you. I would be trying to dig deep in this, your second to last year, to find that deep pit of rage that's actually gonna let you succeed at the top of your ability. I'll be honest, Gorgug, I was a little heartbroken to see the request in the first place.

1:10:52 Gorgug: Okay.

1:10:53 Porter: If I saw something different, I'd make a different call. But the truth is, you know, you're still that kid that you were on the first day when you came in and I said, what do you do when you get mad? And you started singing a song.

1:11:11 Gorgug: I mean, I think songs can accomplish a lot, if you let yourself hear the music.

1:11:17 Cloaca: My name's Cloaca! I suck!

1:11:19 Gorgug: That one's less of a... I'm not gonna say that was a song. [starts singing] ♪ But if you put some music under it ♪

1:11:30 Porter: All right, class is starting up. Come on in, kids!

1:11:33 Brennan: Class gets started. Does anyone else do anything in that little academic time?

1:11:37 Lou: I'm gonna go talk to Ms. Skullcleaver.

1:11:40 Brennan: Hell, yes. Is anyone accompanying Fabian to go talk to Ms. Skullcleaver?

1:11:44 Emily: I mean, it sounds like we might be going to different bard classes, right?

1:11:47 Lou: Yes. I mean, it seems Ms. Skullcleaver does dance.

1:11:50 Emily: I think I walk you in the exact wrong direction, 'cause I've never been to bard class before, drop you off at a random class.

1:11:56 Fabian: Hi, are you Ms. Skullcleaver?

1:11:58 Brennan: As you walk in, you just see Adaine sitting in a class with a woman named Tiberia Runestaff.

1:12:04 Fabian: Hi.

1:12:04 Tiberia: What?

1:12:05 Fabian: I'm Fabian Seacaster, and I'm the future of dance!

1:12:07 Adaine: Fabian, are you multiclassing into wizard?

1:12:09 Fabian: What? Where are we? Sorry, is this wizard—?

1:12:14 Tiberia: Adaine, were you able to glean with your divination that Fabian is the future of dance?

1:12:22 Adaine: Yes.

1:12:26 Fabian: Yes?

1:12:26 Tiberia: All right. The Oracle has made a prediction. We're gonna put it up on the board. Five credits to Ms. Abernant if it comes true by the end of the year.

1:12:31 Fabian: What are they—

1:12:37 Adaine: [whispering] I can't do fuck without—

1:12:39 Fabian: Sorry. [to Fig] Wanda! [to Adaine] I'll get you the five points.

1:12:41 Adaine: They're writing down everything that I say on this stupid board!

1:12:43 Emily: I skateboarded away. I dropped you off.

1:12:45 Adaine: I think they're roasting me?

1:12:47 Ally: You left! You left!

1:12:47 Emily: I say,

1:12:47 Fig: This is it. [gives Fabian a thumbs up and skates away]

1:12:52 Tiberia: Are you coming to audit wizard class—

1:12:54 Fabian: No!

1:12:54 Tiberia: ...because you believe that the art of wizardry may glean you insights into the future of dance?

1:13:00 Fabian: No, I'm looking for Wanda... I'm looking for Ms. Skullcleaver.

1:13:05 Tiberia: Ah, Ms. Skullcleaver. Yes, yes. Down that hallway, take a right.

1:13:09 Fabian: Okay, thank you.

1:13:09 Brennan: Fabian, you walk off. You get to this classroom. Beautiful bar, there's a nice dance floor here. You see that the dance floor is polished and clean, but already, it's scuffed up with things that have been coming off of people's feet, like sparks or lightning. People's footsteps here have been summoning magic already. A lot of classes are 20 or 30 students, but bards have so many different ways of casting their magic, there's only like six other kids in here, and you see that there is a tiny— the smallest half orc you've ever seen. She's like five foot three, and she's old, and she's got a 1980's Richard Simmons, she's got big curly hair, tusks coming up, and then a loose little A-frame kind of thing that hangs down and exposes so much of the underarm. You walk in and you see that she's already kind of moving and just goes, "Uh-oh, uh-oh! Uh-oh, uh-oh! Uh-oh, uh-oh! Oh no! A challenger approaches, hello! A challenger approaches!"

1:14:15 Fabian: You're Ms. Skull—?

1:14:17 Terpsichore: Give me your hands, give me your hands!

1:14:18 Fabian: Sorry, I had a thing I was gonna do! I'm Fabian Seacaster, I'm the future of dance.

1:14:25 Terpsichore: Dance isn't in the future.

1:14:25 Fabian: What?

1:14:26 Terpsichore: Dance isn't in the future.

1:14:26 Fabian: Where is it?

1:14:28 Terpsichore: It's always right now.

1:14:28 Fabian: Fuck, okay.

1:14:32 Brennan: Give me a Performance check.

1:14:38 Lou: That's a 31.

1:14:41 Brennan: The energy coming off of her is a sort of mad positivity that seems to be like there is a philosophy within her of dance and of art that, from a logical perspective, is ineffable and deeply scrambled, and yet also always produces the right result. A person who you could never anticipate what she's going to say, but you feel that she will always say what you need to hear. In this moment of positivity, as she spins you out to start dancing, what does Fabian do in front of these students?

1:15:18 Lou: I think I change tact from the kind of more thoughtful performance for her that I was going to do, and into a incredibly fluid performance with her. I think there's a lot of hands. I'm rubbing my hands all over her face, picking her up. We're on our knees together. I'm crawling toward her on the floor. [growls] It's raw, 'cause it feels like, you know— I think Fabian at this age, more skilled and more confident, is kinda like, all right, fucking fine! I don't get to show off for you? I'll show off with you.

1:16:05 Brennan: On a 31, other students use their bard magic to summon up accompaniment that moves through various different musical styles. There's contact improv and body juggling, all this incredible stuff. You think about in sophomore year when you were doing your sheet dancing in Fallinel. It's all come back. I think as you come to, everybody in the class is weeping and holding you.

1:16:34 Fabian: [catching his breath] I wanna... I wanna multiclass. I've been a fighter, but I know I'm a bard.

1:16:43 Terpsichore: Baby boy.

1:16:43 Fabian: Yes.

1:16:44 Terpsichore: Baby boy.

1:16:44 Fabian: Yes?

1:16:45 Terpsichore: You already did. You already did.

1:16:51 Brennan: She gives you this huge hug as you are surrounded by artsy kids and an energy you've never encountered before.

1:17:01 Fabian: What the fuck is happening? You all still think I'm cool, right?

1:17:06 Terpsichore: Cool?

1:17:06 Fabian: Yeah.

1:17:07 Terpsichore: The only way to get cool is to get hot, baby boy.

1:17:11 Fabian: I love it here.

1:17:16 Brennan: Yeah, she goes over, gets the paperwork. There's a moment where everyone— she takes a minute to run everyone through some choreography. You guys do some dance steps. There's some almost formal waltzing stuff. This is sort of like a low-key first day thing. She's doing a review of historical, cultural dances that are actually more about— it's almost like you guys are learning history as you're learning performance here. Oh, here's different dances from different times, and if you're adventuring... Immediately, you're getting a history class in a way that actually sinks in because it's all about, here's why this dance was created, and here's why it was important. If you're traveling in this part of Spyre, here's what it means to do this dance, and here's where it would happen. It's only ever like two minutes of instruction, and then eight minutes of learning the dance, right? At the end, people are stretching, she has a giant bowl of bananas and oranges and apples and stuff and puts them down in the middle. She sits down criss cross applesauce and starts doing the paperwork on the floor.

1:18:24 Terpsichore: Gotta say, gotta say, Fabian... Fabe?

1:18:29 Fabian: In here? Here is now, and now is me, and me is whatever that moment is.

1:18:36 Terpsichore: I wanna know what you like to be called. Touch the heart, touch the heart, touch the heart! Five, four, three, two, one.

1:18:48 Fabian: Fabian.

1:18:48 Terpsichore: Fabian. Fabian, this is wonderful. We're so lucky to have you. Battle sheet, beautiful. Movements, beautiful. I can tell that you have a powerful athleticism in your movements. You are on the Owlbears, right?

1:19:04 Fabian: Yes, I was a bloodrush player. I'm the captain, actually.

1:19:07 Terpsichore: You're the captain. Are you planning on doing that this year as well?

1:19:10 Fabian: I think so, yeah.

1:19:11 Terpsichore: I think that's wonderful. That's great.

1:19:14 Fabian: Great.

1:19:14 Terpsichore: It naturally dovetails. You just gotta be getting rest.

1:19:18 Fabian: Yes.

1:19:18 Terpsichore: Gotta be eating. You're gonna be burning a lot of calories every day, so it's eating and it's rest.

1:19:26 Fabian: Great. Today I've only eaten a trash bag sandwich.

1:19:30 Terpsichore: What?

1:19:30 Fabian: A trash bag sandwich.

1:19:32 Terpsichore: Is there harm in your life?

1:19:32 Fabian: No!

1:19:34 Terpsichore: You were eating a trash bag sandwich?

1:19:35 Fabian: Well, it was served to me out of a trash bag.

1:19:39 Terpsichore: A clean trash bag.

1:19:40 Fabian: I believe so. There was other food in there.

1:19:43 Terpsichore: Garbage food.

1:19:43 Fabian: No, not garbage food. I think it was intentional. I think it was— you know, when you don't have—

1:19:47 Terpsichore: Fabian.

1:19:49 Fabian: Yes?

1:19:49 Terpsichore: You said something alarming and it made me curious.

1:19:55 Fabian: Everything is okay. I think my friends just carry food in nontraditional ways.

1:20:01 Terpsichore: Okay, you're gonna have to eat a lot of food, you gotta get a lot of rest, and you're gonna have to be getting up early every day. You have a gift that the world needs, and you need to take it very seriously, because it can really change the world. I'm gonna tell you something you're not gonna wanna hear. This is Ms. Skullcleaver, this is ol' Terpsie who's gonna say a bummer thing. You gotta take your body seriously. You gotta take rest and hydration seriously. This is not gonna be a year of partying for you. Okay. Fabian Aramais Seacaster. Owlbears plus dance bard, okay. Here you go. Just bring this to Ms. Jones, the fighting master, and she'll go ahead and sign it.

1:20:49 Fabian: Great.

1:20:49 Terpsichore: And we'll get you caught up, and you'll be able to do junior year—

1:20:54 Fabian: Real quick, about the last thing.

1:20:54 Terpsichore: Mm-hmm?

1:20:56 Fabian: How much not partying is required?

1:20:59 Terpsichore: It's your body. It speaks to you. I'm not gonna tell you what to do. I'm not the boss of you.

1:21:05 Fabian: No.

1:21:07 Terpsichore: But you know who is the boss of you?

1:21:09 Fabian: I'm assuming it's me.

1:21:09 Terpsichore: That body.

1:21:11 Fabian: Oh, my body. Okay, yes.

1:21:13 Terpsichore: Okay?

1:21:13 Fabian: Yeah. Great. I'm gonna do a lot less partying.

1:21:18 Terpsichore: Remember, if Ms. Jones is okay with it, you'll be able to take the MCAT, but it's not gonna be that each is 50/50. You're gonna have a 150% course load. That's a lot.

1:21:30 Fabian: You saw where I was at day one, and I'll tell you, once I'm not eating trash sandwiches—

1:21:37 Terpsichore: Uh-oh, uh-oh! Okay, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh!

1:21:40 Fabian: Here it goes again. Here it goes again.

1:21:42 Terpsichore: Strike it up!

1:21:42 Brennan: The music starts again. You start dancing. Anyone else?

1:21:47 Murph: I would actually like to try to grab the envelope that Kipperlilly handed in to see if I can get any info.

1:21:58 Lou: Yes!

1:21:58 Emily: Ooh!

1:22:01 Murph: So maybe to kind of help the Sleight of Hand, I wanna cast Silent Image. So I think my Arcadian watch flashes an imitation of the folder on the desk as I pretend to knock it— as I walk away, and I try to grab it.

1:22:20 Brennan: Hell yes. Go ahead and first things first— yeah, this is just gonna be Sleight of Hand. If you wanna get advantage on it by using the Silent Image—

1:22:30 Murph: Yes.

1:22:32 Brennan: Go ahead and just give me a Stealth or a Deception for that Silent Image, just to see how effective it is at creating advantage for you, cool?

1:22:38 Ally: Am I there? Could I give you a help action as my campaign manager?

1:22:43 Brennan: Kristen, if you want, yeah, give the Help— okay. In that case, just go ahead and make the Sleight of Hand with advantage.

1:22:46 Murph: Great, okay, My Sleight of Hand actually isn't great, but it's plus five.

1:22:50 Emily: Or Stealth. Didn't you say Stealth also?

1:22:53 Murph: That's two 10s. That's a 15.

1:22:54 Brennan: Okay, you create the Silent Image, pull the thing out, and you hear Jawbone's voice say,

1:23:02 Jawbone: I wouldn't.

1:23:04 Riz: Okay!

1:23:07 Murph: I put it back down. [Murph and Siobhan laugh]

1:23:09 Brennan: You see he goes,

1:23:09 Jawbone: Mazey, I'm gonna take a breather. Why don't you help Kristen out here?

1:23:12 Brennan: Mazey looks up and says,

1:23:12 Mazey: Hey. You wanna sign up, Ms. Applebees?

1:23:18 Kristen: I would love to. [clears throat] How... How do I do that?

1:23:25 Mazey: Just fill this out right here, and we'll get you started.

1:23:28 Kristen: There's a line here for campaign manager?

1:23:31 Mazey: Yeah, whoever's managing your campaign.

1:23:33 Kristen: Riz, would you wanna do that?

1:23:34 Riz: Of course. I've already signed my name.

1:23:36 Kristen: Okay. Oh, I see. Are all of them pre-filled out for you?

1:23:43 Brennan: Jawbone turns and says,

1:23:46 Jawbone: Hey.

1:23:47 Riz: Rogue stuff.

1:23:49 Jawbone: Yeah. Are you trying to grab that letter to snoop on Kipperlilly?

1:23:58 Riz: I'm trying to find the rogue professor.

1:24:02 Jawbone: Oh, yeah, makes sense.

1:24:05 Riz: Do you know what's Kipperlilly's deal, though? Do you have any...?

1:24:09 Jawbone: Kipperlilly?

1:24:09 Riz: Yeah.

1:24:11 Jawbone: Yeah, I mean, pretty good kid, you know? She's a bit of a, what do you call it? You know, she's type A, overachiever.

1:24:15 Riz: Right.

1:24:19 Jawbone: Are you seeing something you recognize in yourself, and you maybe don't like it too much?

1:24:23 Riz: No, no no no no no.

1:24:25 Jawbone: Seeing your favorite jacket on somebody else from behind, and you go, "Does that hang on me like that?" kinda thing?

1:24:29 Riz: No no no no no.

1:24:32 Jawbone: Yeah.

1:24:35 Riz: Okay, cool.

1:24:37 Jawbone: Listen, I caught you. Doesn't feel in the spirit for the whole rogue class thing for me to let you have it.

1:24:43 Riz: Mm-hmm.

1:24:44 Jawbone: But what I can tell you is, Kipperlilly didn't actually find the rogue professor. Sort of in the spirit of the rogue-y thing, I'll say, it might have been the other way around. But, technicality. Especially with Interim Emergency Backup Principal Grix, technicalities are what we're gonna be counting on for this junior year, at least.

1:25:13 Riz: I appreciate it.

1:25:13 Jawbone: No no, it's okay, it's okay.

1:25:16 Riz: Hey, if I'm gonna get caught by anybody, I'd like for it to be you.

1:25:17 Jawbone: [laughs] All right, bud. I feel like—

1:25:23 Riz: We haven't had a lot of time, just me and you.

1:25:25 Jawbone: Yeah, just me and you. Can I tell you something? You know, I feel like your friends, I feel like Fabian and Gorgug, the girls obviously, all over at Mordred, I feel like with every one of them, I've had a moment where we've kinda been able to say, hey, it's safe to show your heart here. You're such a positive kid and you're always doing so well, but I almost feel like sometimes, what do you have going on in there?

1:25:52 Riz: The thing is that it's all out there. We're just working on the transcripts, and things are stressful, but stress is good. We like the pressure, and we're just trying to beef up them transcripts. So that's kinda what I'm doing.

1:26:11 Jawbone: That's all that's going on emotionally. That's everything that's going on, all right.

1:26:15 Riz: That's it, yeah yeah yeah.

1:26:17 Jawbone: [howls] I'm coming for you!

1:26:17 Riz: Okay.

1:26:19 Kristen: Do I put my first and last name?

1:26:23 Riz: I've already— actually, next to my name, I wrote Applebees, if you just wanna sign your first name.

1:26:27 Kristen: Okay, great.

1:26:28 Zac: You only got to the very beginning.

1:26:30 Ally: I just wrote Kristen.

1:26:32 Emily: Not even finished with the N.

1:26:34 Brennan: Incredible.

1:26:35 Ally: I wrote Wanda and crossed it out 'cause I was still thinking about your cool new name. “No, I'm Kristen.”

1:26:39 Zac: “Do I put my full first name or...?”

1:26:43 Ally: “Or just a nickname?”

1:26:44 Siobhan: What's Kristen's middle name?

1:26:46 Emily: Kristen Chili's Applebees.

1:26:54 Brennan: Jawbone says one last thing.

1:26:57 Jawbone: You know, I would appreciate you don't let anyone know that I kinda shared that stuff with you, but Kipperlilly asked some questions about Kristen, so I felt like it was fair.

1:27:07 Riz: What? You can't just drop that. What did Kipperlilly ask about Kristen?

1:27:13 Jawbone: Oh, well, she overheard you talking about Kristen's god dying, and she asked—

1:27:19 Riz: Oh, she's a rogue, right! Yeah, god.

1:27:24 Jawbone: She was just asking about that. She was like, what kinda god was it? And I was like, well, first one was Helio, but then the one after, there was sort of a period where it was sort of like philosophy, and then the one that died was just a big series of block letters.

1:27:39 Riz: Okay, great. Okay. This is—

1:27:42 Jawbone: She was like, where did that happen? I was like, it happened in a realm beyond. She was like, but where did it happen? And I was like, oh, it was when the Bad Kids took down ol' Vice Principal Goldenhoard.

1:27:56 Riz: Okay, well, good to know.

1:27:59 Murph: Riz looks over both of his shoulders, so paranoid right now. Thank god he has the Message cantrip. Messages Kristen. Okay.

1:28:11 Ally: Wait, what?

1:28:12 Brennan: Kristen, as you're filling your stuff out, you hear voices that you haven't heard in a long time kind of shouting out at the front, through the front door. You're back in the lobby. You see your younger brother Bucky, and you see your parents Mac and Donna's car out front, and you see that both of them are sternly raising their voices and pointing at Bucky as Bucky has a backpack and is nodding kind of sullenly. Bucky is a high school freshman this year.

1:28:44 Ally: Oh, right. Can I do an Insight check?

1:28:49 Brennan: Yeah.

1:28:49 Ally: How's Bucky doing?

1:28:52 Brennan: Do an Insight check.

1:28:53 Ally: That's a two.

1:28:53 Brennan: But plus what?

1:28:56 Emily: You're wise.

1:28:56 Ally: 18. It's an 11.

1:29:00 Brennan: You're rattled right now. You didn't even see your brothers the last time you talked to them. You left a bunch of gold for them as a big older sister who was kind of leaving a very toxic thing, but I think your insight is kind of rattled. Give me a Wisdom saving throw with disadvantage.

1:29:20 Emily: Ooh.

1:29:24 Ally: Goddammit. Seven.

1:29:27 Brennan: Seven? I'm not gonna tell you how Kristen is feeling, but I will say that I'm gonna describe what's happening, and however Kristen would feel, she feels very powerfully, in a way that is very hard to resist. You basically can hear Mac and Donna saying the same thing they said to you two years ago. You see Mac being like,

1:29:49 Mac: This school is full of weirdos and creeps, okay? So just keep your head on a swivel, and if anyone says anything to you about Helio or not or anything like that, you just call us, and we will send you to boarding school in Highcourt!

1:30:03 Brennan: You see Bucky nodding. I think you become aware of the absence of the eldest daughter in that home.

1:30:12 Ally: As a shield.

1:30:12 Brennan: As a shield. You just see Mac and Donna bullying your little brother. How does that make Kristen feel?

1:30:21 Ally: So angry. Why are they so loud?

1:30:27 Brennan: You feel, as you get angrier, your face is getting hot. The side of your neck is— [panting] Kind of like your heart's in your throat kind of thing, a little bit nauseous. Do you stay here, or do you approach?

1:30:44 Ally: I go over there.

1:30:46 Brennan: You gain advantage on your next roll as you approach, whatever it is. Riz, actually, give me a Perception check.

1:30:54 Murph: 15.

1:30:54 Brennan: You sense Kristen, there's almost a crackle of something as Kristen moves out the door. You're now wearing this new tracksuit. You've got the Staff of Doubt.

1:31:03 Ally: I'm freaking ripped.

1:31:06 Brennan: Freaking ripped. You walk out.

1:31:09 Siobhan: Squaring up to your dad.

1:31:12 Brennan: You walk out. What do you do as you walk out the doors? [Ally sighs] [tense music]

1:31:18 Ally: I think, I mean, I'm in the running now, so I really have to keep it polished, so I walk up and I say,

1:31:27 Kristen: Mother, Father. How wonderful to see both of your acquaintances.

1:31:36 Brennan: As you do that, right as you start saying, “Mother, Father,” you hear in your mind Cassandra going,

1:31:43 Cassandra: Hi, did you call me? Did you want me to come in right now? Is now a good time to talk about—

1:31:48 Kristen: No! Not right now!

1:31:52 Brennan: In your head, as your mother and father both look sort of astonished to see you, but also it's that astonished where they know you go here, they know you live in town. As you say,  “No, not right now!” You hear Cassandra's voice and you feel some spasm in your body, and Cassandra goes,

1:32:13 Cassandra: Fine! I can make my own people to talk to!

1:32:16 Brennan: Mac and Donna look at you and go,

1:32:20 Applebees: [jaws drop] Hey.

1:32:21 Brennan: You see Bucky looks over at you and goes,

1:32:21 Bucky: Hey, Kristen.

1:32:25 Brennan: And just runs and gives you a huge hug.

1:32:28 Ally: Huge hug. Yeah, I hug Bucky super tightly and then I'm just like,

1:32:37 Kristen: I'm running the drop off today, so I just need to make sure that we keep all the cars going.

1:32:45 Ally: Do I have anything— Will Thaumaturgy help me make a little whistle sound?

1:32:50 Brennan: Sure, and also, you have advantage on this roll. You leaned into that hot—

1:32:52 Ally: I punch my mom. No.

1:32:56 Brennan: Hell yeah. Go ahead and roll Deception with advantage.

1:32:59 Ally: Yeah, great.

1:33:02 Brennan: Hell yeah, amazing. Dirty, right?

1:33:05 Ally: No, nat.

1:33:05 Brennan: Nat 20? So you see that the Thaumaturgy happens. There's a whistle, the wind blows, and standing here, it's your fucking school, and you have an authority in this moment. You brought yourself back from the fucking dead. Your shitty parents are not gonna throw you for a loop. You see Mac and Donna look and say,

1:33:30 Applebees: Okay, yeah. Good. Well, Bucky's here, so, giving it another shot. Second time's the charm, hopefully.

1:33:40 Kristen: Great.

1:33:41 Brennan: Donna looks up and says,

1:33:44 Donna: You doing okay?

1:33:46 Kristen: Yeah, mom, I'm doing great.

1:33:48 Donna: Yeah.

1:33:48 Kristen: I live in a haunted house.

1:33:52 Donna: I don't wanna know.

1:33:54 Brennan: Bucky turns to you and says,

1:33:55 Bucky: I'm already kinda late for class, 'cause Mom and Dad were... But can we talk after class?

1:34:02 Kristen: Sure, yeah, definitely.

1:34:04 Buddy: Awesome, awesome.

1:34:04 Brennan: Bucky runs inside. He's got a longsword that's a little too big for him jangling on the side of his belt.

1:34:11 Emily: He's a little paladin!

1:34:11 Siobhan: He's gonna grow into it!

1:34:14 Brennan: As he runs inside, your mom says,

1:34:17 Donna: Got some letters saying that, you know, you were gonna fail out. We told the postman, you know, bring this to Mordred Manor, 'cause she doesn't live here no more, so. And the postman looked at us and said, you know, that we were bigots and fascists and that our reign would crumble, so I don't know what that meant.

1:34:33 Kristen: That's incredible. Who's the postman?

1:34:35 Siobhan: It's Bud Cubby.

1:34:37 Ally: Oh, it's Bud. Of course it's Bud, great.

1:34:39 Kristen: Okay, yeah, well, that's interesting. I didn't end up getting those letters. I have to go to class as well. I hope you're both well.

1:34:52 Donna: It was a hard couple months.

1:34:52 Kristen: Yeah.

1:34:54 Donna: A hard couple months.

1:34:54 Kristen: In the dark?

1:34:56 Donna: Yeah, in the dark.

1:34:56 Kristen: Yeah. Where's your god?

1:34:59 Donna: What's that?

1:34:59 Kristen: It's the sun god, right?

1:35:02 Donna: Yeah, Helio. Yeah.

1:35:03 Kristen: Did he go somewhere?

1:35:03 Donna: God of corn, the sun. Did he go somewhere? Well, he certainly didn't have a chosen one.

1:35:09 Kristen: It's true, it's true.

1:35:10 Donna: He certainly didn't have a chosen one.

1:35:13 Kristen: Yeah, I think I just—

1:35:15 Donna: What's your new god? God of what?

1:35:16 Ally: I just made her upset.

1:35:16 Kristen: I have to go! I'm sorry, I have to go. I have to keep traffic moving. I'm the traffic coordinator.

1:35:26 Donna: Heard tell it's some god of night? Nighttime god?

1:35:28 Kristen: Yes.

1:35:29 Donna: And then we have four months of night in a row?

1:35:30 Kristen: God of unknown.

1:35:32 Donna: Well, there's some things that we do know, so, just, you know...

1:35:37 Kristen: That's what you think! [Brennan bursts out laughing]

1:35:40 Ally: And I pirouette.

1:35:44 Murph: I shoot a very shaky thumbs up to Kristen.

1:35:47 Brennan: Mac and Donna will, for the rest of their lives, have disadvantage on any Insight check against you for not knowing what that...

1:35:58 Kristen: That's what you think! Bye, girlie.

1:36:05 Brennan: And they get into their car and drive away. Riz, you walk back in.

1:36:08 Kristen: Fuck!

1:36:10 Brennan: You guys are late for class now.

1:36:12 Kristen: Can you get me a suit, or at least a tie to wear with this track jacket?

1:36:16 Riz: I'll get you a tie. Let's get, real quick—

1:36:18 Kristen: I look stupid!

1:36:20 Riz: You look great.

1:36:20 Murph: I take my own tie off.

1:36:22 Kristen: Thank you, thank you.

1:36:23 Ally: I'm wearing a tie with my Adidas tracksuit.

1:36:26 Murph: I take my backup tie out of my briefcase and put it on myself.

1:36:30 Kristen: Thank you so much for not giving me your backup tie. I love that I got first string.

1:36:34 Riz: Hey, you're the candidate.

1:36:34 Kristen: Okay. [whistles]

1:36:38 Murph: Then I go to class?

1:36:38 Ally: Me too.

1:36:41 Brennan: Hell yeah. You head off to class. Is anyone else doing anything in that little period?

1:36:44 Siobhan: I think I'm just, as I'm walking to class, pulling campaign buttons out of my Jacket of Useful Things that say, "It's always happy hour with Applebees!" And I'm handing them out.

1:36:55 Brennan: Let's go! As you do so, you head to wizard class. As you do so, Tiberia, who you've known for many years, she's been teaching, she teaches all the different levels. Exquisite blue robes. She actually is not from Solace. So she's from ancient Mountains of Chaos, a tall tower, sort of a friend of Aguefort's who teaches wizardry classes here.

1:37:19 Siobhan: She's so scary. I love it.

1:37:21 Brennan: She turns around. She has huge Bene Gesserit vibes. Just a curling, evil, magical Lucille Bluth. She sort of has a Jessica Walter sort of haircut.

1:37:31 Siobhan: I just wanna impress her so bad. One time she almost smiled at me, I think, one time.

1:37:37 Tiberia: The beginning of your junior year, an occasion for reflection, doubling of effort, recommitment, and above all else, focus. The strain of the academic workload has been said to drive certain mages to madness! [thunder booming] Lightning strikes her hand.

1:38:03 Tiberia: Junior year separates the paltry magicians from the true mages, those capable of realigning the spheres of reality itself. The academic workload required of you this year should be enough to break your mental back thrice over, or you are barely trying. Now I shall say to all of you this. This is the year that true magic begins. Not your simple practical spellcasting. No, no. Nothing that can be executed in a single matter of minutes, but the true workings, deep ritual conjurations, the crafting and binding of ancient wonders. In your desk, you will see a laminated sheet with the necessary material components for the first week's ritual castings. You will require a sphinx's egg, cut to perfection... Question?

1:39:02 Adaine: I'm so sorry, 10 barrels of diamonds?

1:39:06 Tiberia: Yes, Ms. Abernant, if the diamonds are stored in crates or wagons, that's also fine. It's a unit of measurement. You don't need actual barrels.

1:39:17 Adaine: There's not any school barrels of diamonds that I could use?

1:39:22 Tiberia: Hm?

1:39:22 Adaine: It just... Nothing, sorry. Sorry, Professor.

1:39:29 Tiberia: School diamonds? No, there are no school diamonds. We don't pay for your textbooks or your pencils or your journals, so we're not gonna pay for your 10 barrels of diamonds, either.

1:39:38 Adaine: Right, so how... how do... How does one buy 10 barrels of diamonds?

1:39:45 Tiberia: You go to a diamond wholesaler that works with wizards, and you explain that they need to be perfectly cut or that the spells can refract and unleash ancient evils upon the world.

1:39:58 Adaine: Right, yes, of course. How stupid of me.

1:40:00 Tiberia: Look, Ms. Abernant. It would be one thing if you were at Hudol College, where you could pore over ancient tomes and discuss magic theoretically. Doing this stuff for real— you see she summons a screaming version of her own head made of smoke— requires certain expenditures. I don't want you first timing it on a ritual to seal an evil divinity within some kind of gemstone. What would you know about sealing ancient evils inside of things?

1:40:33 Adaine: Well, actually, I have sort of done it three times?

1:40:39 Tiberia: Bragging is tacky.

1:40:41 Adaine: Two times, one of them, we actually unleashed the ancient evil, because... It was complicated.

1:40:48 Tiberia: Ahem. So sorry to the other students. As I was saying! a golden bow crafted by an archfey... She just starts listing all this shit that, as a wizard, you're gonna need.

1:41:04 Siobhan: I am never gonna tell Jawbone that I need these things. Simply, not under any circumstances will I tell him. [Brennan groans sympathetically] I'll text Aelwyn at lunch. Oh god!

1:41:16 Brennan: Incredible. Fig?

1:41:18 Emily: So I am disguised as Wanda Childa. I think I'm gonna go to bard class.

1:41:26 Brennan: Hell yeah. You go to bard class. You can see that Lucilla Lullaby is setting up. She has this pale, powdery blue, long hair. She has one side shaved but the rest goes down to her ankles, this blue hair, long gown. She's some sort of fey or eladrin-like creature. She looks around and says,

1:41:51 Lucilla: Welcome, students, once again, to another... Oh, oh my god! Oh shit, hi! Oh, sorry, I thought you were someone else. What's your name? "Wanda" (Fig): Hi, I'm... I'm Wanda Childa.

1:42:06 Emily: Can I see if there's a seat next to Ruben?

1:42:08 Brennan: There is a seat next to Ruben. Ruben looks up and sees an emo walking towards him.

1:42:13 Emily: I have song lyrics tattooed on me. I'm wearing one of those shirts with the little thumb holes, and I just act really cute and tiny.

1:42:27 Brennan: Give me a Persuasion.

1:42:29 Emily: So, I do have Actor.

1:42:30 Brennan: You have Actor. You have advantage on this.

1:42:34 Emily: Rolled two sevens, but my Persuasion is good. Dirty 20.

1:42:38 Brennan: Dirty 20, hell yeah. Ruben looks up. "Wanda" (Fig): Hey.

1:42:42 Ruben: Hey. "Wanda" (Fig): My name's Wanda. Obviously I know who you are, because you've been rocking my radio all summer.

1:42:51 Ruben: Wow. "Wanda" (Fig): Do you mind if I sit next to you?

1:42:55 Ruben: Whatever. "Wanda" (Fig): Cool.

1:42:56 Emily: I sit a little too close. Let me Prestidigitation myself to be— what smell would be enticing to emo kids? Maybe cigarettes and peach schnapps.

1:43:14 Ruben: Wow. Did you just come from a room full of cigarettes and peach schnapps? "Wanda" (Fig): You mean breakfast? Yeah.

1:43:23 Ruben: Wow. Yeah, what's your deal? I haven't seen you before. "Wanda" (Fig): Oh yeah, I just transferred.

1:43:28 Ruben: Mm-hmm. "Wanda" (Fig): Yeah, I just transferred. Honestly, I guess you could say I'm kind of a wayward soul who's finding myself.

1:43:39 Ruben: Wow, that’s— "Wanda" (Fig): And I'm finding myself here today, I guess.

1:43:43 Ruben: Sometimes I think finding yourself is overrated. Maybe it's better to be lost. "Wanda" (Fig): Did you read that on my wrist?

1:43:54 Brennan: You see Lucilla looks up and says,

1:43:57 Lucilla: Wanda, I'm looking at my class roster. I don't see you on here. "Wanda" (Fig): Oh yeah, it's 'cause I just came today. I just [laughing] wandered...

1:44:08 Lucilla: You just wandered? You just wandered in?

1:44:11 Zac: Wanda'd in? "Wanda" (Fig): I Wanda'd in.

1:44:14 Lucilla: Okay, you are trespassing, yeah. "Wanda" (Fig): That's why they call me Wanda, because I—

1:44:18 Lucilla: Wanda'd in? "Wanda" (Fig): Wanda here and Wanda there.

1:44:25 Brennan: You see Lucilla says,

1:44:25 Lucilla: Okay. "Wanda" (Fig): Wait, okay, you know what? I don't wanna trespass because, like, emotionally, I've been trespassed on, and I know how hard that can feel.

1:44:37 Emily: So I think I'm gonna take one last long look at Ruben, and then gather up all of my notebooks I've Minor Illusioned with different emo band names on them and be like, "Wanda" (Fig): Well, maybe I'll see you again someday.

1:44:55 Emily: And then leave.

1:44:58 Brennan: Ruben looks up. You see he has a couple tattoos too, and he has one tattoo that is the rat getting crushed up by the gears. You see he just looks up and says,

1:45:06 Ruben: Yeah, Wanda. Stay chill... da. "Wanda" (Fig): That's pretty good.

1:45:17 Brennan: Lucilla goes,

1:45:17 Lucilla: You have to leave. "Wanda" (Fig): I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna leave.

1:45:21 Emily: I take a full circle around Ruben to give him more—

1:45:28 Brennan: More time.

1:45:28 Ally: You Wanda around him.

1:45:31 Zac: Not all who Wanda are lost.

1:45:34 Emily: Yeah, I say that. I look over my shoulder, say that, and then really tinily—

1:45:42 Ally: Tiny?

1:45:44 Emily: ...walk out.

1:45:45 Siobhan: “I'm so small! I'm so tiny!”

1:45:45 Brennan: As you walk out, you can see Lucilla is making a call on her crystal. As you're walking down the hallway heading off in some other direction, you see that Jace Stardiamond is leading someone, and you see there is a brilliant looking aarakocra, a sort of bird person. He's got a sharp, dark gray suit, and there is a badge hanging out of a pocket that has credentials of the Council of Chosen on it. Jace says,

1:46:13 Jace: Oh, hi. Are you Wanda? "Wanda" (Fig): I am.

1:46:20 Agent Clark: Hi, Wanda. My name is Agent Clark. I work for the Council of Chosen. Do you have any identification that I'd be able to see your age, just to make sure that— 'Cause if it's an adult, it's trespassing. If it's a minor, we've just gotta get you to your right school. "Wanda" (Fig): Right.

1:46:31 Agent Clark: Are you a student? Where are you a student? "Wanda" (Fig): Well, I was trying to be a student here. I thought that schools worked differently.

1:46:40 Agent Clark: How'd you think schools work? "Wanda" (Fig): I thought that you— I thought you show up and they give you a thumbs up or thumbs down if you can stay.

1:46:49 Agent Clark: Oh, I see. I understand. Well, you're a kid. It's an easy mistake to make. "Wanda" (Fig): I can leave, though.

1:46:58 Agent Clark: Let's get you where you need to go. Funny story, actually. I'm here helping with a truancy issue that Elmville's been having for a while. "Wanda" (Fig): Yeah?

1:47:09 Agent Clark: Yeah. "Wanda" (Fig): Tell me more.

1:47:11 Agent Clark: Before this, I was working in Bastion City. I actually just came here. The last job I was investigating, a missing persons report over at 22 Hilda Boulevard. "Wanda" (Fig): That's a real place?

1:47:26 Agent Clark: Yeah. "Wanda" (Fig): Hm, well...

1:47:32 Emily: I'm gonna fucking skateboard away.

1:47:36 Brennan: Okay, you skateboard away. He's gonna get an attack of opportunity.

1:47:42 Emily: Okay, I'm gonna Cutting Words the attack of opportunity.

1:47:45 Brennan: Okay, good, good! Go ahead and give me your Cutting Words. You need four or higher.

1:47:50 Emily: Okay, okay, okay! Five!

1:47:52 Brennan: Five. [rock music] As you skateboard away, you see this bird man in a suit is like, "Got my eye on you! I'm gonna find out who you are!" And you vanish around the corner.

1:48:07 Emily: And then I wanna skateboard away, but then seeing the bard class and seeing that Lucilla was kinda cool, I think I'm gonna go sit outside a window and try and listen to bard class.

1:48:20 Brennan: Okay, cool.

1:48:25 Emily: Just kinda crack a window and listen.

1:48:28 Brennan: Crack a window, cool. Give me a Stealth check.

1:48:34 Emily: 11.

1:48:36 Brennan: Cool, so you—

1:48:37 Emily: I'm Fig now, though. I'm Fig. : Now you're Fig.

1:48:39 Emily: I dropped the act.

1:48:40 Brennan: So you hear all the noise of talking stop as just two hands trying to get traction against glass to open a school window from the outside. You see Lucilla leans out and goes,

1:48:55 Lucilla: Fig Faeth?

1:48:57 Fig: Hi.

1:48:58 Lucilla: Do you wanna come into class? Oh my god, you're finally here!

1:49:01 Fig: Would it be weird if I did?

1:49:02 Lucilla: No, it's mandatory! It wouldn't be weird at all. The opposite is weird.

1:49:09 Ally: So weird!

1:49:10 Fig: Okay, I'm gonna do it.

1:49:12 Lucilla: Okay, come on in. Wow, I'm so glad you're here.

1:49:15 Emily: I walk in through the window.

1:49:16 Brennan: You come in through the window. As you do, you see Ruben looks over at you, not recognizing Fig Faeth, sort of smiles with a sneer, and you see his little crystal pings, and he looks up, and you see the name Lola Embers on his phone. He goes,

1:49:35 Ruben: I have to answer that later.

1:49:39 Brennan: Cool, you do bard class. Bard class, barbarian class, wizard class, dance class, rogue class, you hanging out with these other rogues. Kristen, you get to cleric class. Do you think you were regularly or routinely attending cleric classes?

1:49:56 Ally: Unfortunately, yes.

1:49:56 Brennan: Cool. You get into cleric class. There's a bunch of different clerics in here. They're studying a history of different celestials and stuff like that. Your teacher, Yolanda Badgood, tall, skinny, bespectacled. She's an air genasi, and her hair is this very beautiful cloud that kind of stretches, almost like a big hairdo, off to either side. She says,

1:50:24 Yolanda: Ah, Ms. Applebees.

1:50:28 Kristen: Hello.

1:50:29 Yolanda: Thank you so much for joining us. How are you doing?

1:50:31 Kristen: Another incredible semester.

1:50:31 Yolanda: Yeah. Talk to me after class.

1:50:36 Kristen: Already? That quick?

1:50:36 Yolanda: Mm-hmm.

1:50:39 Kristen: You know we start the year with an A. It's ours to keep. We don't start with a zero. It's up to you, actually. But we could be starting with an A. So what would we have to talk about?

1:50:54 Brennan: The class goes, and at the end of the class, Yolanda pulls you to the side.

1:50:58 Kristen: Hi.

1:50:59 Yolanda: Kristen, did you receive any messages over the summer?

1:51:03 Kristen: [sighs] Yes.

1:51:03 Yolanda: Congratulations again, and thank you very much for saving us and the entire world of Spyre.

1:51:09 Kristen: You're welcome. Was that sarcastic?

1:51:11 Yolanda: No, it's very heartfelt. I just wonder how you did it, because your god is dead.

1:51:15 Kristen: Yes. See... I do have a new god. I've had a lot on my plate, and I do know what I have to do, and I can see it, it's just the doing it part is very hard for me. It's kinda like each step I take, the step behind me vanished. I just can't really double back to make sure what I'm doing is the right thing, do you understand? It's a little bit soupy up here. So I did just see my estranged parents, who told me about the packet, and I didn't receive it, so sorry about that. I would love to update my god. I would love to.

1:51:53 Yolanda: You should also update your address.

1:51:55 Kristen: And my address.

1:51:56 Yolanda: Yeah.

1:51:56 Kristen: Yes.

1:51:57 Yolanda: I'm very sorry about that, Kristen. How are you feeling? Are you all right?

1:52:01 Kristen: Yeah, I'm good. I think I really made them think. But I do wanna get this squared away. Is there a test or a book or some way to talk through and try to figure out what god is right for me?

1:52:22 Yolanda: Don't you have one right now?

1:52:24 Kristen: I have a really good one right now, but I also just feel kinda like, "Leave me alone!" about her, and I think I'm like her only follower, so it's just a lot of pressure.

1:52:38 Yolanda: The Aguefort Adventuring Academy does not put any limitations on the amount of times that a cleric can change their divinity, if you feel that another divine source is calling to you or there is another aspect of the divine. Kristen, you may be well aware that I gave up my active relationship to a divinity in order to be able to minister to a collective of cleric students. The truth of this world is that each aspect of divinity contains within it a different facet and understanding of the underlying truth of this world, that each god makes up some important message, even the gods of the Infernal Realms. Things can be bad and things can be good, but they can all be true.

1:53:31 Kristen: That makes a lot of sense.

1:53:32 Yolanda: That's what I think clerics are trying to do more than anything else, is just understand something about truth, and I think, Kristen, if I'm being honest, your steps analogy is very important because your movement onward, leaving things behind, some progress happens while you're standing still.

1:54:04 Kristen: Yeah, I've really been running through the gods, and I haven't really sat with any of them for very long.

1:54:16 Yolanda: What's your current divinity's name?

1:54:18 Kristen: Cassandra.

1:54:18 Yolanda: Cassandra, goddess of?

1:54:21 Kristen: Unknown, mystery, and doubt. [Yolanda sighs]

1:54:26 Kristen: Yeah, it's a hard sell. My friend... [coughs] Yeah, we're just friends. This is a person that I know. Somebody I used to know, kinda. She has a really sexy, cool religion. It's the moon and sex and just kinda being free, and mine is all about, maybe we don't know what's going on here and maybe we'll never know. Doesn't your stomach kinda feel upside down?

1:54:59 Yolanda: In the marketplace of ideas, certainty and confidence will always find eager buyers. But that doesn't mean that they are always true.

1:55:10 Kristen: That's true. Maybe I could just have a tiny little religion of weirdos who wanna gamble.

1:55:20 Yolanda: Kristen, I'm going to recommend that you take this first week to attempt earnest connection with Cassandra. If, at the end of this week, it feels like that's not a fruitful relationship, of course I'd be happy to explore all the other divinities with you. You've shown the power of self-resurrection and restoring divinity, you know? You created a god in your freshman year. You found this Cassandra in your sophomore year. Heavily impressive.

1:56:01 Kristen: What do you do when your god says, "Fine, I'll— I'll make new followers"?

1:56:10 Yolanda: Hm? When your god says what?

1:56:13 Kristen: What do you do when you've been a little bit rude, a little bit short with her, and she says, "Fine."

1:56:19 Yolanda: You've been rude to your god?

1:56:22 Kristen: Yeah. Honestly, we just got a little bit too familiar, and I ran with that. Yeah, what do you do with that? Say sorry?

1:56:34 Yolanda: I think you should say sorry. I think you should say sorry.

1:56:40 Kristen: Can I go use one of the prayer rooms?

1:56:42 Brennan: You're standing in a rock grotto with prayer rooms in every direction.

1:56:47 Kristen: Could I maybe use one? Would you mind if I used one of those?

1:56:51 Yolanda: I mean, they are here for... There is no other reason for which these rooms are here.

1:56:55 Kristen: Is that weird?

1:56:55 Yolanda: No.

1:56:57 Brennan: You walk into a prayer room, meditate, sensory deprived. What does it look like as you go to Cassandra's divine realm? What's happening in Kristen's mind?

1:57:09 Ally: I think with something like this, she is actually very serious about it, so I think she takes a minute to kind of just get out of her own way with this kinda stuff and stop being so chaotic and just kind of like, ba ba ba! So she's really slowing down and paying attention to her breath. She's back in the forest, trying to meet Cassandra there in one of the clearings.

1:57:35 Brennan: You are walking through the forest, looking for Cassandra. Give me a Perception check.

1:57:46 Ally: That is a dirty 20.

1:57:49 Brennan: You move through the forest of Sylvaire. Twilight, a time of mystery. You hear some gentle sobbing. You see overhead, a brilliant full moon that will remove all darkness from this forest and all doubt. You turn and see, in her little IDK T-shirt, human-sized, maybe a little bit taller, seven or eight feet tall, is wearing some shorts, ponytail, is your goddess, Cassandra, and you see that she is crying to herself in the woods.

1:58:30 Ally: I go up. I say, hey. I kinda put my hand on her back. Hey.

1:58:38 Brennan: Flinches.

1:58:38 Kristen: I'm sorry. Are you okay? I'm sorry.

1:58:45 Cassandra: Craig followed Wolfsong Revival.

1:58:49 Kristen: Their social media presence is banging.

1:58:53 Cassandra: I don't wanna end up floating in the Astral Realm.

1:58:58 Kristen: Yeah, we won't, we won't. I really wanna apologize. I'm kind of getting to a point where it's like, chaos isn't cute. I kinda lost focus of what's important, and that's you and my campaign.

1:59:14 Cassandra: Your what?

1:59:16 Kristen: You are so important to me, and so is my campaign for student body president coming up this year. They're not equally important! I'm just saying, these are the two things that I'm about to go

1:59:34 Cassandra: I can't rely on you.

1:59:37 Kristen: Yeah. I know. I'm really sorry. I'm thinking, what if we get someone else involved who's really on top of stuff? They can kinda balance me out a little bit?

1:59:53 Cassandra: Well, I kinda got really mad at you, Kristen, and I already did.

1:59:57 Kristen: Oh.

1:59:58 Cassandra: Yeah, just, I'm really lonely. I'm really lonely. The whole point... Other gods talk like they have their prophets and their messengers and their archangels and stuff. We couldn't have started off on a better or more magical foot. That's what I don't get. We couldn't have started on a better foot, yet we're just here still. I keep wracking my brain. Is it me, is it me? But then I found out about Yes!, and I'm like, well, I'm not the constant, Kristen.

2:00:29 Kristen: It's me.

2:00:31 Cassandra: So yeah, I'm getting... I can't rely on you, so I'm getting some other help, okay?

2:00:39 Kristen: Who'd you get?

2:00:41 Cassandra: No other clerics right now, but I just needed a friend.

2:00:45 Brennan: You see that she pets something that you can't see in her lap.

2:00:51 Kristen: Is that a dog? A person?

2:00:55 Cassandra: I'm more of a cat person.

2:00:57 Brennan: You see a black cat—

2:00:59 Siobhan: No!

2:00:59 Brennan: ...fades into view, looks at you, and goes,

2:01:03 Kalina: Hi, Kristen.

2:01:05 Brennan: And that's all for this episode of "Dimension 20." Tune in next week as we continue the thrilling adventures of junior year.

2:01:15 Ally: Oh my god.

2:01:15 Siobhan: The bitch is back! NEXT EPISODE- Episode 4: Under Pressure [Next Time On Dimension 20]

2:01:19 Brennan: Your junior year, everything's piling up, so just to put it all together...

2:01:23 Riz: Kipperlilly has been listening to us, so does have it out for us for some reason or another.

2:01:28 Adaine: What is her problem? I hate her.

2:01:31 Murph: Riz is so mad.

2:01:31 Gorgug: Hey, hey, hey! [Riz hissing furiously]

2:01:35 Gorthalax: Big season ahead. I think this is the year we actually take down the Hellions, so no distractions, we gotta really double down this year, you know?

2:01:44 Fabian: Yeah. Yeah.

2:01:46 Adaine: How do you get a job? Why am I asking you?

2:01:49 Fabian: Oh, I have no idea!

2:01:50 Adaine: How much do diamonds cost?

2:01:52 Aelwyn: Three gold pieces.

2:01:54 Adaine: And how much is minimum wage?

2:01:56 Aelwyn: Five copper a day.

2:01:58 Adaine: Great. This'll be great for me.

2:02:04 Brennan: Oops! Junior year artificing is really challenging. It's a lot of work.

2:02:10 Kristen: Kalina!

2:02:10 Kalina: Can I scratch you?

2:02:11 Kristen: Please don't.

2:02:11 Kalina: Okay. I have before. [players oohing]

2:02:14 Ally: Oh my gosh!

2:02:18 Emily: Ooh!

2:02:19 Lou: Spicy.

2:02:20 Emily: Honestly, good to have Kalina back.

2:02:23 Cassandra: Just let me know when you have the bandwidth.

2:02:26 Kristen: I have it right now, I really do. Really, it's you and my candidacy, and that is with a small C. The you has a big Y.

2:02:37 Siobhan: We're making student government cool. The Bad Kids do student government.

2:02:41 Fig: Fucking honored to serve!

2:02:43 Adaine: You're taking your job really seriously.

2:02:45 Fig: I'm looking out for you.

2:02:46 Porter: I welcome the challenge, Ms. Faeth.

2:02:48 Fig: I don't know what I just committed to.

2:02:51 Riz: You just, okay—

2:02:51 Fig: Oh fuck. I mean, anything to just not write my album.

2:02:55 Fabian: Do you know anything about these Ratgrinders?

2:02:55 Captions Extracted by: OliverC

2:02:55 Edited by: OliverC, gluegunshots