Mutant Santa Melee

0:00:00 Brennan: It is a snowy, blustery day, clear skies over [New York accent] the best fucking skyline of any city that has ever been or will ever be. It is New York City, baby.

0:00:15 Pete: I'm Pete, I am not doing well on the inside.

0:00:20 Sofia: My name is Sofia Lee. I’m sorry, no, it is Sofia Bicicleta.

0:00:25 Kugrash: Hey I'm uh, Kugrash. I live in the subway tunnels and I take care of the discarded people of New York.

0:00:31 Kingston: My name is Kingston Brown. I am a steward of New York City, and I will be here until I die.

0:00:37 Misty: I'm Misty Moore. I'm a Broadway diva, lover of dance and light and brilliance.

0:00:44 Ricky: I'm, uh, Ricky Matsui. I'm a firefighter and I'm just here to help.

0:00:49 Esther: Well, first of all Santa Claus is real.

0:00:51 Ricky: Awesome.

0:00:52 Esther: Santa Claus clones himself millions and millions of times, and each of those clones goes to the separate houses. [jumpcut] Santa deposits his defective clones here in the city. That is SantaCon.

0:01:06 Amelia: Something's wrong, these SantaCon clones, they're: they're not like normal, they're really dangerous!

0:01:12 Alejandro: You have been awakened into the Unsleeping City. Make your way to Times Square as soon as you can.

0:01:17 Brennan: You see the Times Square is empty. Ally shivers.

0:01:20 Brennan: In the center is an enormous, icy cocoon. You look and see swarming Santa Con clones. [growls] [END RECAP] Upbeat music plays, and there is the intro, which is the words DIMENSION 20, UNSLEEPING CITY over a skyline in a circle that rotates until it is upside down.

0:01:40 Brennan: Hello and welcome back to the unsleeping city! My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan. These are our intrepid heroes. Say hi intrepid heroes!

0:01:47 All: Hi, intrepid heroes! Eerie, drum heavy music plays.

0:01:49 Brennan: I love it. We descend into Times Square! With this strange, icy fortress throbbing with icy blue light, and these horrifying Santa mutant clone monsters surround—

0:01:58 Ally: Aww!

0:02:07 Emily: Did you try to make the most disgusting thing so they couldn’t call them cuties? [Laughs]

0:02:11 Ally: [Laughs]

0:02:13 Siobhan: [To the tune of Santa Baby] Santa cuties! Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!

0:02:15 Brennan: For everyone watching at home, for everyone watching at home, the term is corn gremlin, and— Emily and Ally laugh

0:02:21 Brennan: Alright guys! I’m gonna go ahead here and clear away some of our lovely Times Square—

0:02:26 Ally: This one has a little candy cane!

0:02:28 Emily: Santa’s little helpers! [laughs] That’s who we’re fighting!

0:02:31 Murph: They have ripped a man apart.

0:02:32 Brennan: Guys, you guys arrive at the Southern end of this part of Times Square.

0:02:36 Lou: The colored bases is really doing it for me.

0:02:38 Ally: Yeah!

0:02:39 Emily: Yeah.

0:02:40 Brennan: We begin! You guys see these horrifying, mutated Santa clones, some with these huge insectoid carapaces, some with tentacles moving around where their arms should be, some of them instead of faces have circular mouths that open up like [shrieks], little animal mandibles, all going—

0:02:55 Mutant Santa: [distorted] Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Christmas!        Christmas!

0:03:09 Brennan: You guys arrive at the southern end here. You guys see that they bristle and chitter, spines erupt from their skin! Kingston, you are the first to act.

0:03:18 Lou: Aw man. Can I do like a, can I look at this, this, uh, this shell, uh, thing, and just try and get a read on it of some kind?

0:03:27 Brennan: Give me an Insight check.

0:03:30 Lou: Alright. Uhh… 12.

0:03:33 Brennan: It is… throbbing with some kind of energy, there is… something inside of it that is… growing. This is a cocoon.

0:03:46 Lou: Got it. Uh, fantastic. And then, with the rest of my turn I’ll Bless Kugrash, Ricky, and Sofie.

0:03:50 Sofia: Oh!

0:03:54 Kugrash: Ayy, thanks man.

0:03:55 Sofia: Thank you, I don’t—

0:03:55 Kugrash: Incredibly kind of you.

0:03:58 Sofia: This is way better than communion.

0:03:59 Kugrash: Yeah.

0:04:01 Brennan: [laughs] Yeah, your subway token glows and the strength of the city fills your bodies. That’s gonna be Ricky Matsui.

0:04:10 Zac: Um, I look around, I, uh, see them tearing that guy apart, uh, and just have to go in. But I also see that, uh, she seems like she’s about to run in there [gesturing to Emily], so I cast Shield of Faith as a bonus action on, on Sofie. And then try to walk forward and attack the closest one!

0:04:29 Brennan: Uh, cool, your speed is thirty so you can move six squares!

0:04:32 Zac: [pointing at the board] One, two, three, four, five… six?

0:04:34 Brennan: Yeah!

0:04:37 Emily: What does Shield of Faith do to my AC?

0:04:39 Zac: You get a plus 2.

0:04:42 Brennan: Raises it plus 2.

0:04:45 Zac: But it’s a concentration thing. So, I’m just gonna, just take a regular attack at it.

0:04:48 Brennan: Hell yeah, go ahead and roll your attack.

0:04:52 Zac: Uh, that is only 13.

0:04:55 Brennan: Only a 13

0:04:57 Zac: Oh, I don’t add Bless to that, do I?

0:04:59 Brennan: You do add Bless to that.

0:05:01 Zac: A d4?

0:05:02 Lou: Yeah, dude!

0:05:03 Zac: A 14!

0:05:06 Brennan: Hell yeah, you hit! Go ahead and roll damage!

0:05:08 Lou: [in response to Zac looking through his dice] It’s the, it’s the two pyramids.

0:05:10 Zac: Yeah.

0:05:11 Lou: Two pyramids.

0:05:15 Zac: Oh. Been a while. Uh, I hit for um, 11.

0:05:19 Brennan: 11 points of damage, awesome. You run up to that Santa, um, uh, and just, first of all, you like grab Sofie, what do you say as you cast Shield of Faith on Sofie?

0:05:32 Ricky: Just… promise me you’ll be careful ‘cause you seem like you won’t!

0:05:36 Sofia: Oh my God. Anything, Mr. March! They all laugh.

0:05:39 Brennan: You take off, [grunts twice] and you see that your axe thuds into that first mutant there, roll an insight check for me.

0:05:53 Zac: Ooh… a-a 20, not nat.

0:05:54 Brennan: Some of these Santas look to be a little bit more… sinew-y and tentacle-y? The one that you ran up to is like, thicker, and kind of rockier— has like bone and carapace, and you see that your axe does like, hurt him badly, like thuds into him, but the sort of rocky, crunchy exterior kind of swallows your axe up a little bit as it like [grunts] and then you pull it back out. But you do fuck him up, you do deal some damage to him. Um, that is going to be… the chrysalis. Uh, the chrysalis begins to glow a little bit brighter! Um… and then these mutants. Brennan moves several of the mutant minis just next to Ricky. Jingle bells ring as they move.

0:06:40 Kugrash: Ricky, you sweet boy.

0:06:40 Ricky: Please don’t hit me. [laughs]

0:06:43 Lou: [laughs]

0:06:45 Brennan: You see that that Santa right there does not jump, you see it goes [groans] and [spitting] a burst of plasm comes out of the backside of him and he rockets up onto the roof of that place. Um… [moves a mutant santa mini closer to Ricky and counts to himself]

0:06:58 Lou: Oh my goodness.

0:07:04 Siobhan: They’re fast!

0:07:11 Kugrash: Fucking douchebags are ruining this city!

0:07:17 Brennan: [continues counting to himself and moving minis]

0:07:20 Zac: Sheesh.

0:07:21 Murph: Moving fast.

0:07:23 Lou: This is horrifying.

0:07:26 Brennan: Um, they’re closing and you guys see rushing out of the chrysalis three more. Everyone groans.

0:07:30 Lou: Oh my god.

0:07:32 Murph: [unintelligible] -handle that shit.

0:07:35 Brennan: One, two—

0:07:35 Murph: Yikes.

0:07:35 Brennan: And three. They like squirm and pop out of these very small openings in the front of the chrysalis. The ones around Ricky are going to take swings. Um…

0:07:42 Zac: Sheesh.

0:07:50 Brennan: Ricky, remind me of your armor class one more time?

0:07:51 Zac: 18.

0:07:57 Brennan: Uh, that’s going to be… one of them hits you for… uh, for 7 points of damage. [snarls] With his horrifying claw.

0:08:09 Zac: I’m at 23.

0:08:10 Murph: I think you need to roll to maintain concentration, right?

0:08:12 Zac: When I get hit?

0:08:13 Murph: Yeah.

0:08:14 Zac: Oh.

0:08:15 Brennan: Go ahead and make that roll.

0:08:17 Zac: 16.

0:08:18 Murph: So you’re fine.

0:08:19 Zac: Yeah.

0:08:20 Brennan: Uh, rad, the one up on top of the roof, um… rips open his stomach and goes,

0:08:23 Mutant Santa: Happy holidays!

0:08:27 Brennan: And is going to make an attack on Pete, and he goes ahead and deals 6 points of damage to you as a burning hot chunk of coal shoots out of his innards and into your face, and he goes,

0:08:36 Mutant Santa: You’ve been a bad boy!

0:08:46 Brennan: Uh, that’s going to be—

0:08:48 Ally: I’m at 16.

0:08:49 Brennan: Sofie, that’s you.

0:08:50 Emily: Okay. Well, I’ve learned a lot today, and um, my brain is working overdrive to process everything so I’ll just do what I do best and get into the fray! Now, I probably have a bit of experience like, assessing my opponents because I’ve been in many schoolyard scraps. Who looks like I wanna go after them? Cause I’m used to going after the big guy. Do I have any kind of sense of like, you’re the biggest threat?

0:09:19 Brennan: Uh, they all look pretty slimy and gross to you at the moment.

0:09:22 Emily: Okay. Alright then, I’m just coming for Mr. March!

0:09:26 Sofia: I’m coming to save you! Brennan laughs.

0:09:29 Ricky: Uh, my name is Ricky, by the way, I just wanna make sure that you’re aware...

0:09:33 Sofia: [laughs] Shh, shh! [laughs]

0:09:35 Ricky: Got it.

0:09:36 Ally: [laughs, mimicking Ricky] Got it.

0:09:36 Zac: [mimicking like Ally] Got it.

0:09:36 Emily: And I’m gonna attack one of the guys who’s attacking him.

0:09:40 Brennan: Hell yeah, go for it.

0:09:42 Emily: Does a 17 hit?

0:09:44 Brennan: A 17 does hit, yes.

0:09:45 Emily: Yes, bitch. So that’s gonna be 6, and then with my other elbow, it’s gonna be 3! We’re just gonna leave it at that for now.

0:09:56 Brennan: Uh, hell yeah, uh, you see… 6 and 3, yeah you run up, pow! Pow! You hit this one as well, um… give me an insight check as well?

0:10:08 Emily: Mm, 19! Oh wait, no, it’s gonna be more than that. It’s gonna be 22!

0:10:13 Brennan: Um, you run up to one, and I believe yours has a little tentacle there, that you’re hitting, right?

0:10:17 Emily: Yeah.

0:10:18 Brennan: Uh, yours is a little slimier and squishier, and you hit it with your fist, and you feel that it is hurting it badly. You did deal damage to this thing, but the ones that like Ricky is fighting, look more— even though they’re harder, they’re also more brittle as a result of that. Just, like as you’re fighting them, just a weird thing that occurs to you, cause you hit this guy and he just kind of [burbles] squidges, a little bit. Um, that’s going to be… Pete!

0:10:47 Ally: Okay. I’m freaking the fuck out. I haven’t slept in four days. Uh… I think I’m trying to channel whatever like that dark voice that took care of my dad was—

0:10:53 Brennan: Mhm

0:10:59 Ally: Like that button, is it still on my… my bracelet?

0:11:04 Brennan: You… yeah, you touch your bracelet, um… and you hear a bunch of voices whispering—

0:11:07 Voices: Pete, I wanna help you, let me help, let me help you, let me be the one to help you, who do you want to help you?

0:11:17 Ally: Okay. Yeah. I invoke that.

0:11:20 Brennan: Um… awesome! What is Pete sort of thinking at that moment, what does he want to have happen?

0:11:26 Ally: I’m like… I need to blow as many of these away as I fucking can. Uh, this day is crazy.

0:11:34 Brennan: Um, cool, go ahead and if you wanna cast Scorching Ray I think that’s probably gonna surge up, so you roll a spell attack.

0:11:40 Ally: 4.

0:11:42 Siobhan: Plus—

0:11:45 Murph: Plus your spell attack.

0:11:47 Ally: Which is right…

0:11:49 Murph: Uh, so you got a 10 on the first one.

0:11:54 Brennan: A 10 does not hit, but you get two more attacks.

0:11:55 Murph: So you have two more.

0:11:57 Ally: Oh, I got you, okay, yeah. So… 15?

0:12:01 Brennan: 15 hits!

0:12:04 Ally: And 12.

0:12:06 Brennan: 12 also hits!

0:12:07 Ally: Wow, cool cool. Alright great.

0:12:08 Brennan: So you can either send them at two different people, or you can send them to the same person, you can also, they’re each separate attacks, so you can see what the first attack does, and then decide—

0:12:18 Ally: Love it, yeah. Okay, I’ll do that, I’ll see what this first attack—

0:12:20 Brennan: Okay, cool, roll 2d6.

0:12:21 Ally: I guess I’ll aim for that guy right in front of me?

0:12:25 Brennan: Cool, go for it.

0:12:26 Ally: Okay… 9.

0:12:29 Brennan: Uh, 9 damage? Uh, you fucking explode him.

0:12:32 Zac: Nice.

0:12:33 Ally: [whistles]

0:12:35 Brennan: Um, your fire spell appears to work even better than it nor— it’s like a small amount of fire but it hits him and [mimicking explosion]

0:12:43 Ally: Oh, cool.

0:12:45 Brennan: You, yeah, hold your hand out and you hear behind you, like, uh, this, just these whispers going like—

0:12:53 Voices: [whispers] Everyone’s dreamed of burning alive, everyone’s dreamed of burning alive. And now it’s time for you to dream too.

0:13:00 Brennan: And that Santa looks you right in the eyes and goes.

0:13:04 Mutant Santa: No! Have a merry Christmas!

0:13:08 Brennan: [Mimics explosion] And just explodes, peppermint everywhere, and in a little five feet area around him, peppermint shards fly out in all directions.

0:13:13 Lou: [laughs]

0:13:16 Ally: Okay!

0:13:19 Kugrash: Hey, good job, kid, you’re really good at this, you’re good at killing people!

0:13:20 Pete: Thanks.

0:13:21 Kugrash: You’re gonna fit in great here!

0:13:22 Sofia: Yeah!

0:13:23 Pete: I could kill anyone, honestly—

0:13:26 Sofia: Good job, Jeffrey!

0:13:28 Pete: And I wouldn’t bat an eye.

0:13:28 Brennan: Misty, that’s gonna be— oh, sorry, you—

0:13:29 Murph: Second shot.

0:13:29 Ally: I have one more. I’m gonna go for this guy, kinda in the cluster, also in front of me. Uh, 13. Brennan mimics an explosion and lifts a mutant Santa mini off the board.

0:13:39 Ally: Sick.

0:13:41 Brennan: When that happens, he explodes into peppermint, roll me a Dexterity saving throw.

0:13:46 Zac: Yikes.

0:13:48 Emily: Oh, add Bless!

0:13:51 Lou: You’re Blessed, dog.

0:13:52 Zac: Aw, fuck.

0:13:52 Brennan: Did you roll a 14?

0:13:52 Lou: Please do not forget that Bless.

0:13:52 Brennan: Yeah, cool. You’re fine. You only take three points of cold damage as this fucking horrifying mutant erupts in fire and peppermint goes everywhere. [mimics explosion].

0:13:58 Zac: I’m at 20.

0:14:05 Brennan: That is going to be Misty.

0:14:08 Siobhan: Um… I would like to do an uh, Investigation or Arcana check on this situation. [gestures to the cocoon]

0:14:18 Brennan: Uh, go ahead, roll either one.

0:14:19 Siobhan: Great, I don’t have good for either of them, but… uh, 16?

0:14:24 Brennan: Um, you’re looking at it and you can tell that something inside of that is, again, pupating, is about to come out, and that it’s not only producing these…

0:14:28 Siobhan: Mhm.

0:14:32 Brennan: ...clones here, it is transforming actively within that chrysalis.

0:14:46 Siobhan: Um… I turn to Kingston and say.

0:14:47 Misty: There’s something in there, we’ve got to get it.

0:14:49 Kingston: Do you want to go inside, that’s my question.

0:14:51 Misty: Uh, I’m thinking about it.

0:14:52 Kingston: I’m also thinking about going inside.

0:14:53 Sofia: Let me in!

0:14:53 Pete: Did you guys see how I just lit them on fire! Kingston, Kugrash, and Misty talk over each other.

0:14:56 Kingston: Yeah, you’re magical, you’ll get used to it!

0:14:57 Kugrash: Yeah, it was awesome!

0:14:57 Misty: It was great, it was great!

0:14:58 Pete: I didn’t even have to use my gun!

0:14:59 Kugrash: Yeah.

0:15:00 Misty: Darling, you did great!

0:15:00 Sofia: That was really cool!

0:15:01 Ricky: Just be careful with that in the future.

0:15:03 Pete: Okay, yeah, I will thanks… [awkwardly] bro. [to Kingston] Hey, Kingston, he’s really annoying.

0:15:05 Emily: [laughs]

0:15:08 Kingston: What? Uh, I say we… I’m trying to go inside, I think.  [laughs]

0:15:11 Sofia: Me too.

0:15:14 Siobhan: Uh… so I’m gonna… move as close to… can I take a dash action and get as close to this thing as possible? Maybe this is dumb.

0:15:28 Brennan: Uh, yeah, you can move 12 squares with a dash action.

0:15:36 Siobhan: Okay… [counts to 12, moving her mini] I’m gonna just wait here cause a bunch of things are gonna come out of here in a second.

0:15:41 Brennan: Gotcha. That’s Misty, that is your turn.

0:15:44 Ally: What are your hit points total?

0:15:45 Siobhan: Uh, 27.

0:15:46 Ally: Okay, okay, okay.

0:15:47 Brennan: Unless you wanna use a bonus action?

0:15:49 Siobhan: Uh, oh yes! And I will turn around and say,

0:15:52 Misty: By the way, Kingston, as always, that coat looks fabulous on you!

0:15:59 Siobhan: And I give you Bardic Inspiration. [shining noise]

0:16:01 Lou: Wow.

0:16:02 Emily: Yeah baby!

0:16:03 Ally: Hell yeah!

0:16:03 Kingston: Thank you, Misty!

0:16:04 Brennan: Hell yeah! Kugrash, that’s you baby!

0:16:06 Murph: Sweet. I start rushing towards the old cocoon here, [moving his mini] one, two, three, four, five, I have 25 speed, and then I’m going to create a Flaming Sphere and send it [laughs] in.

0:16:22 Ally: Fuck yeah!

0:16:24 Murph: Cause I have— I make it as an action, within 60 feet, so I’ll do it within like where I can see it, and then as a bonus action I can move it up to 30 feet. So I’ll… [whoosh]

0:16:33 Brennan: Uh, hell yes! Do you make an attack roll for that, or is it a saving throw?

0:16:36 Murph: The sphere stops if it hits someone, they have to make a Dexterity saving throw if they’re in the way.

0:16:41 Brennan: And you’re sending it up through the channel?

0:16:43 Murph: Yeah I’m just gonna send it in the ‘ol doorway.

0:16:45 Brennan: Hell yeah. Um… go ahead and roll damage for me from the Flaming Sphere.

0:16:50 Murph: Okay, sweet… I think it’s just 2d6 damage on a failed save, it stops like once it hits one person, so it doesn’t like, go through a bunch of people. 8 damage.

0:17:00 Brennan: You send it in there, and you guys hear the deepest, most terrifying [mutated roaring] from within there, and the light inside the chrysalis [rumbling] begins to glow.

0:17:09 Kingston: Kugrash, what’d you do?

0:17:19 Kugrash: Yeah, fuck you too, man! Fuckin’ come out of your stupid cocoon, I know you’re not a butterfly! Butterflies are nice!

0:17:25 Brennan: [laughs] Yeah, and the thing you sent in there, by the way, like, I imagine Kugrash just whips a dirty rat hand along, and just sparks some of the residual oil in the asphalt, and this nasty trash ball of like oil fire, that’s like, it’s like one of those things where you think of like magical fire and you think of like “Brilliant! Bright!” this is like, so smoking that you almost can’t see the fire in the middle.

0:17:37 Kugrash: [coughing loudly] Fuck! Ugh!

0:17:50 Brennan: [laughs] Awesome, that’s gonna go back and be Kingston.

0:17:54 Lou: I guess I’m gonna chase after these other two, so guess we’ll go… [moving his mini] one, two, three, four, five— can I go through this square?

0:18:05 Brennan: If you’re taking a dou— yeah, you can take a double?

0:18:07 Lou: Six, seven, eight, nine, okay now I have to stand up, [gets up to reach his mini] ten, eleven, twelve?

0:18:16 Brennan: Hell yeah.

0:18:17 Lou: Great.

0:18:18 Brennan: Awesome, that’s gonna be Ricky.

0:18:20 Zac: Okay, so the one in front of me’s the kind that seemed brittle, and the one to the right of me seemed softer?

0:18:25 Brennan: Yes, correct.

0:18:26 Zac: Okay. I’m just gonna hit the softer one just to see what would happen if I hit it with like, slashing damage.

0:18:32 Brennan: Cool, go for it, roll an attack.

0:18:37 Zac: Uh… 19?

0:18:38 Brennan: 19 definitely hits.

0:18:40 Zac: Cool.

0:18:40 Brennan: And are you going for the one that Misty already kinda— yeah, cool, awesome.

0:18:43 Emily: Sofia.

0:18:46 Brennan: Oh, Sofia.

0:18:47 Zac: Yes. Doing that one. Where is my d8? Yeah. No. God… Ooh, I hit it for 15.

0:18:57 Brennan: You hit it for 15?

0:18:57 Zac: Yeah.

0:18:58 Brennan: This thing… looks, and it’s just this gooey, oozing, tentacle, and you see it looks at you and says.

0:19:03 Mutant Santa: Don’t bring that home! [incoherent groaning]

0:19:08 Brennan: [grunts] And you split it. It explodes, uh, and each of you [pointing at Zac and Emily] need to make a Dexterity saving throw.

0:19:16 Zac: Oh… yeah.

0:19:17 Emily: Okay.

0:19:21 Zac: Yikes… Um, I only got a 5.

0:19:23 Emily: I got 16!

0:19:25 Brennan: Uh, you got a 16, you got a 5, you take 4 cold damage, Sofie you take 2. But you see that, yeah, it’s super effective. [mimes swinging axe, grunts] Your axe glows bright and the power of civic responsibility flows through your veins. That guy dead! [deep music plays] Um, then—

0:19:45 Zac: I forgot they explode.

0:19:47 Emily: [laughs]

0:19:49 Brennan: Now it’s gonna be these dudes, I’m afraid.

0:19:51 Murph: Oh no.

0:19:54 Brennan: Uh, you feel something in there battering its way out, trying to, like [banging], hatch out of this chrysalis.

0:20:05 Kugrash: Ay, don’t do it, buddy, it’s fine! Stay asleep!

0:20:08 Kingston: Kugrash, stop yelling at it!

0:20:11 Murph: He’s just speaking in bug. [Bug sounds] All laugh. [tense, wintery-sounding music]

0:20:15 Brennan: You see these fuckin’ mutants… [moving minis] This guy comes here, this guy is gonna take a little step over here, this guy goes over here. This guy… here… uh… This one is going to… go here.

0:20:28 Emily: Oh, Kugrash… Kugrash is in the middle of a lot of Santas.

0:20:41 Brennan: Okay. Um… but you see that no other Santas come out of the chrysalis now that the fire’s in there.

0:20:47 Kugrash: Dope!

0:20:48 Ricky: Right.

0:20:49 Brennan: And this guy is gonna fly down and fuck with our boy Pete. Cool! Pete, go ahead and made a Dex saving throw for me.

0:20:57 Ally: 5.

0:21:05 Brennan: [laughs] Um… cool. Uh, you go ahead and take… uh, 5 points of cold damage. Um… I am going to need uh, oof, this is gonna be brutal. I’m gonna need Kugrash to make two Dexterity saving throws.

0:21:27 Murph: Oy… okay.

0:21:28 Emily: Remember you’re Blessed!

0:21:29 Lou: You’re Blessed.

0:21:30 Murph: I am Blessed. okay. I have pretty good Dex… Nat 20! Hell yeah! All cheering.

0:21:37 Brennan: Cool, and roll me another one.

0:21:42 Murph: Watch me roll a one on the second one. [groans] Oh, but I gotta roll Bless… um, 10 is the second one.

0:21:48 Brennan: 10 is exactly what you needed.

0:21:49 Emily: Woo!

0:21:51 Murph: Ugh, thank goodness.

0:21:53 Brennan: The first one you take no damage from, the second one you only take three points of cold damage, I’ll describe what’s happening in a moment, I’m gonna need Sofie to make 3 Dexterity saving throws.

0:21:59 Zac: Sheesh, 3?

0:22:02 Brennan: Mhm.

0:22:04 Lou: Disgusting. Whatever’s happening right now is disgusting.

0:22:07 Siobhan: Gross.

0:22:09 Emily: First one is gonna be… 25.

0:22:11 Brennan: Success.

0:22:12 Ally: Wow.

0:22:13 Emily: I’m a Dextrous bitch. Ugh, nat 1!

0:22:16 Lou: Ones on ones.

0:22:17 Ally: Ugh.

0:22:19 Emily: Yeah, two ones, so that’s gonna be an 8. And the other one is gonna be an 18.

0:22:25 Brennan: 18, cool. You take… Jesus…

0:22:28 Ally: Oh no.

0:22:32 Emily: Jesus like whoa, I got all ones?

0:22:33 Brennan: No, very low, you only take 7 points of cold damage.

0:22:35 Emily: Yeah! I still feel good.

0:22:37 Brennan: Ricky, I’m gonna need you to make one, two, three, four, five Dexterity saving throws.

0:22:41 Ally: Ricky!

0:22:43 Siobhan: God.

0:22:45 Zac: Come on… that’s too many!

0:22:46 Emily: Remember you’re Blessed.

0:22:48 Lou: How does this math work out?

0:22:49 Siobhan: You definitely Blessed the right people, cause we’re all making…

0:22:51 Zac: 8, for the first one?

0:22:52 Brennan: Failure.

0:22:56 Zac: [sighs] 8 for the second one.

0:22:58 Lou: Why can’t I Bless better?

0:22:59 Emily: Oh, that’s gonna save….

0:23:00 Zac: 18 for the third one. A nat 20!

0:23:03 Ally: Hey!

0:23:06 Brennan: No damage.

0:23:06 Zac: And then… that’s just 12.

0:23:10 Brennan: Okay. I will need Kingston and Misty to each make two saving throws as well.

0:23:19 Lou: Dexterity?

0:23:20 Brennan: Yes, Dexterity.

0:23:21 Lou: Hoo.

0:23:22 Siobhan: Crap.

0:23:22 Lou: Uhh, 11 first.

0:23:28 Brennan: Um, Ricky takes 12 points of cold damage.

0:23:30 Zac: Ok, I’m at 4.

0:23:32 Lou: 11 and 15.

0:23:34 Siobhan: Yeah, I got an 8 and a 24.

0:23:39 Brennan: Kingston, you take 4 points of cold damage, um, uh and Misty you take, uh, 7 points of cold damage. You guys see that all these: the thing inside here screams, all of the mutant Santa clones go,

0:23:49 Mutant Santas: [roaring Holy Night] Soft Christmas music starts playing.

0:24:00 Brennan: And pull their mouths open, and go [roars], and a torrent of razor sharp peppermint spines as they all Breath Weapon all over you guys at the same time. Shredding your bodies with like, cold and peppermint, uh, and the smell of, like pine and mint and bile and shit is mixed into the air together.

0:24:22 Kugrash: It’s fine, it’s fine.

0:24:22 Sofia: Oh my god.

0:24:23 Kugrash: It’s fucking New York, what do you expect? [cast laughs]

0:24:26 Kingston: Kugrash!

0:24:29 Kugrash: It’s fucking mint in there, it’s fine!

0:24:29 Kingston: Kugrash please.

0:24:29 Misty: The New York that I live in and the New York that you live in are very different, my friend.

0:24:32 Kugrash: You know, same place.

0:24:35 Brennan: Uhh… incredible. That’s going to be…

0:24:38 Murph: Oh, I actually have to roll to maintain concentration, cause I got my Flaming Sphere, too…

0:24:40 Zac: Oh, I do too.

0:24:41 Brennan: Oh yeah, you do as well, yup.

0:24:42 Lou: Do I also need to?

0:24:44 Brennan: So you—

0:24:45 Emily: Sweet!

0:24:45 Zac: Uh, I got a 20.

0:24:46 Brennan: Cool, sweet.

0:24:47 Murph: I got… I don’t think I did it, I didn’t do it, I only got a 9.

0:24:49 Brennan: Yup.

0:24:51 Murph: Flaming Sphere’s gone.

0:24:51 Brennan: Flaming Sphere’s gone!

0:24:54 Lou: Do I have to do it for Bless?

0:24:55 Brennan: Yes, you do— a Constitution check.

0:24:59 Lou: For a Constitution I do not.

0:25:02 Brennan: The Bless disappears as you guys are [exploding noises] uh, eviscerated by…

0:25:04 Emily: Bless disappears, okay.

0:25:06 Brennan: This peppermint storm, yeah. That’s gonna be Sofie.

0:25:10 Emily: Okay. [Intense adventure music swells and begins to play]

0:25:10 Emily: I am done wasting my time with henchmen. I’m going after that chrysalis, and I’m gonna use a ki point to dash so that I can run over here and into here, I’ll take their attacks of opportunity.

0:25:25 Brennan: Okay.

0:25:27 Lou: Confident. I will take their attacks…

0:25:30 Brennan: They miss you. [rushing wind noises] So you take a dash…

0:25:32 Emily: So I took my dash, I wanna slide in here…

0:25:34 Brennan: Uh…

0:25:35 Zac: Into that hole?

0:25:36 Emily: Like, home plate style.

0:25:37 Brennan: So go ahead and give me an Acrobatics check. You also see by the way, and I’ll throw this at you as you’re running towards it. Because of the fire, and because of the thing inside battering its way out, you also see that the structure of this also looks incredibly weak right now, just throw that out there. But, if you wanna slide in, you’re totally welcome to.

0:25:57 Emily: I wanna slide in and attack whatever’s in there.

0:26:00 Brennan: Absolutely.

0:26:01 Emily: While it’s trying to form itself.

0:26:02 Brennan: Awesome.

0:26:03 Emily: So Acrobatics?

0:26:04 Brennan: Cool.

0:26:06 Emily: I got an 11 [laughs]

0:26:09 Brennan: You slide in and the ice tunnel closes on you and you’re not able to slide all the way into the tunnel. [music stops, crumbling noises]

0:26:16 Emily: Shit! Fuck!

0:26:19 Brennan: Uh… but! You have an action left! So there’s a bo— you did your movement, you did a bonus action dash, so you have an action left if you want.

0:26:26 Emily: Can I just heave that shit off me?

0:26:29 Brennan: Yeah! You can either do Athletics or a saving throw.

0:26:31 Emily: I’ll do Athletics.

0:26:32 Brennan: Okay.

0:26:34 Emily: 19.

0:26:34 Brennan: You, trapped under here, go to lift and as you are going there, you hear a voice somewhere deep inside you go…

0:26:46 Voice: [whispers] It is what it is. [soft, chiming piano music starts playing]

0:26:51 Brennan: [Whooshes]. You fling the entire chrysalis off into...

0:26:51 Emily: What?! [laughs]

0:26:51 Brennan: Into the sky. You feel a power in your body and a sense of purpose that you honestly haven’t felt in a long time. And you guys watch the ice scatter and the dome fly off into the sky. Brennan lifts the ice dome to reveal a colossal mutant Santa mini, with an alien spine, a long, slug body and several crab-like claws, with a tiny hat on top. The entire cast shouts in fear.

0:27:14 Murph: Is that Santa?!

0:27:15 Emily: Santa!

0:27:15 Ally: Santa!

0:27:16 Murph: Oh, wait no, Santa’s down there. It pans to the mini of the real Santa lying prone beside the monster.

0:27:16 Murph: Ugh. Is Santa dead?

0:27:16 Ally: Right, that’s little Santa down there. What the fuck, no, fuck you!

0:27:23 Kugrash: Absolutely fuck me. Santa, are you okay? Santa!

0:27:26 Siobhan: Cronenberg Santa is fucking ugly.

0:27:30 Brennan: Hey. Honestly guys? [raises his mug] More like ‘Miracle on 42nd Street’. Whoo!

0:27:33 Emily: [laughs]

0:27:35 Lou: Jesus.

0:27:36 Zac: Aggh!

0:27:37 Lou: Also, we just watched a drunk woman flip a giant ice cocoon?

0:27:41 Brennan: Just up into the sky, it shatters against one of the buildings, and [exploding] turns into snow.

0:27:46 Siobhan: I turn to Kingston and say like,

0:27:48 Misty: Just like old times!

0:27:49 Kingston: I mean, I’ll tell you.

0:27:51 Sofia: Hey, did anyone see that?

0:27:54 Misty: Yeah, it was cool, I liked it!

0:27:55 Pete: Yeah, we all saw it.

0:27:55 Misty: It was very good!

0:27:56 Sofia: Thank you.

0:27:56 Brennan: Pete, that’s gonna be you.

0:27:57 Lou: Jesus Christ.

0:27:59 Kugrash: Santa’s my friend and he’s fucking dead. Or very hurt. He looks awful.

0:28:04 Ally: Okay. Can I run up onto this?

0:28:08 Brennan: Um… yes, you can use magic to do— if you have magic you can do that or you can make an Acrobatics check to get up on there?

0:28:13 Ally: Yeah I’ll do that.

0:28:14 Brennan: Give me an Acrobatics check?

0:28:16 Murph: Ally, you are a bad roller.

0:28:18 Ally: Five.

0:28:20 Siobhan: The tables…

0:28:21 Ally: The Acrobatics… What is that? What do I add to that?

0:28:23 Brennan: Just your Acrobatics.

0:28:24 Murph: It’ll just be your Aex, unless you have, so 3. So 8.

0:28:26 Ally: 8.

0:28:28 Brennan: You go to climb up on here, also this Santa’s gonna get an attack of opportunity on there.

0:28:33 Ally: Is there one?

0:28:33 Brennan: There’s one, yeah, with you.

0:28:35 Ally: Oh, yeah yeah yeah.

0:28:37 Brennan: Um, definitely hits for… [laughs] and deals you uh, 5 points of damage with a claw [roars] as you rush past, um, and you start to try to clamber up, and you hear a voice in your head say.

0:28:47 Voice: [whispers] Anything is possible, anything is, anything is possible.

0:28:56 Brennan: And you… you can’t get up. You’re like scrambling to try to get up, uh, you feel the weird rising sense in your stomach, um, also one thing we forgot to do last round, was to roll for Wild Magic Surge, please go ahead and roll for Wild Magic Surge now.

0:29:11 Ally: Oh yeah. 17.

0:29:13 Brennan: 17, uh we’re also gonna be doing a homebrew roll with your wild magic, which is that every time you don’t Wild Magic Surge, the chance of you wild magic surging goes up by 1.

0:29:22 Ally: Okay, so I have to roll twice.

0:29:24 Brennan: Or rather, you roll the same time, but now on a 1 or 2 you surge.

0:29:27 Ally: Oh, okay, it grows.

0:29:29 Brennan: So the longer, it grows, it like builds up. You can’t make it up there, but you do have your action left.

0:29:33 Ally: Great, great, yeah, yeah, so I’m going to get back in touch with that darkness because it felt like it was like helping me, and these new friends, so I’m gonna try and attack this like, big daddy?

0:29:40 Brennan: Yeah, go for it!

0:29:46 Ally: Can I reach that with 120?

0:29:48 Brennan: 120 feet, yes, you can definitely do.

0:29:51 Ally: I’m gonna do Scorching Ray, but this time I’m gonna use a Sorcery Point to do one more, so instead of three people I can do four.

0:29:59 Brennan: Oh, is that one of the powers you have with Sorcery Points?

0:30:01 Ally: Yeah, Sorcery—I guess I can use a point per level of the spell to add, like, a uh, an extra thing to it, or an extra uh…

0:30:12 Brennan: Oh! What’s the name of that ability?

0:30:14 Ally: I think it’s just something I can use for Sorcery Points.

0:30:17 Brennan: For Sorcery Points. Okay… I’m not seeing… In order to do extra damage, or are you doing Sorcery Points to do an extra spell slot?

0:30:27 Ally: It would be using a Sorcery Point to pick an extra person to attack.

0:30:32 Brennan: Oh, you just get one more ray with that?

0:30:34 Ally: I think so.

0:30:35 Brennan: Okay.

0:30:36 Ally: But I could be wrong, I’m down to check it.

0:30:38 Brennan: You know what? I’m down. You could take another ray with a Sorcery Point, we’ll figure it out later.

0:30:41 Ally: Okay. [gestures to Murph] Does that sound…?

0:30:42 Murph: I think it might just be spell slots, but I haven’t played a—

0:30:44 Brennan: I think it’s just spell slots. If you want to use two— both your Sorcery Points to add another ray, I’ll house rule that we can do that this time. Um… uh, cool, go ahead and roll your four attacks.

0:30:57 Ally: Cool. 11.

0:30:59 Murph: Uh, plus your…

0:31:00 Ally: Oh, right. [Chiming, eerie music starts playing]

0:31:01 Murph: 17.

0:31:01 Ally: Oh, so 17.

0:31:02 Brennan: That hits.

0:31:05 Ally: 19 plus 6, 25.

0:31:07 Brennan: That hits.

0:31:09 Ally: 21. And 9.

0:31:13 Brennan: Uh, roll damage for your first 3 attacks.

0:31:15 Ally: Cool… these are d6s.

0:31:17 Brennan: Mhm.

0:31:19 Ally: Can I borrow?

0:31:20 Murph: Yeah… you need one more?

0:31:22 Ally: Yeah, one more.

0:31:23 Murph: There you go.

0:31:26 Lou: Look at those d6s going, get ‘em going, get ‘em hot.

0:31:27 Siobhan: Oh my goodness, so chunky.

0:31:28 Lou: Get ‘em hot. Oh!eeeeeee

0:31:29 Siobhan: Nice!

0:31:29 Murph: Oh—it looks good!

0:31:29 Ally: Yeah! 10, 18, uh 23!

0:31:34 Brennan: Hell yeah!

0:31:36 Lou: All on big daddy?

0:31:37 Ally: All on big daddy.

0:31:38 Brennan: Pete, go ahead and tell me, you reach out to the voice, and the voice in the darkness goes…

0:31:43 Voice: [whispers] It is right to wish for power.

0:31:48 Brennan: Uh… what happens as Pete raises his hand, you feel this is powerful magic.

0:31:52 Ally: Yeah, I feel, I do feel like it’s evil [laughs] but I’m like, I have always been someone who lives in the night and maybe that’s just me now. So… [laughs] I’m like,

0:32:01 Pete: Thank you.

0:32:03 Ally: And then I attack.

0:32:06 Brennan: [explosion noise] Your, the flesh and bone of your arm explodes out like a banana peeling apart, going [screams] and a torrent of flame shoots out and you see that the flame is filled with these little beaked goblins or something, made of fire going like.

0:32:21 Goblins: Yay, we’re all coming!

0:32:25 Brennan: [explosion sound] as they shoot out [machine gun noise] and rend the chest of this giant santa thing, uh, and your arm [growls] starts to like, stitch itself back together. You feel insane and like, high. This is awesome. Go ahead and roll another Wild Magic Surge for me.

0:32:46 Ally: [sighs] 17.

0:32:46 Brennan: You’re good!

0:32:49 Ally: [laughs] What’s the worst thing that could happen in a Wild Magic Surge?

0:32:53 Brennan: Uh, you could kill your entire party. Nervous laughter from some of the cast.

0:32:57 Emily: I’m here for it. I’m here for the gamble.

0:32:59 Siobhan: Hell yeah. We support you killing us all with your wild magic.

0:33:01 Brennan: That’s going to be, that’s going to be—

0:33:02 Ally: Very cool.

0:33:03 Brennan: Misty.

0:33:06 Siobhan: I would like to take a five foot step back, I can take a five foot step back without getting an attack of opportunity, right?

0:33:12 Brennan: Five foot step is actually a…

0:33:12 Siobhan: Oh, that’s a 3.5 thing?

0:33:14 Brennan: 3.5...

0:33:15 Siobhan: Okay.

0:33:15 Brennan: As long as you don’t leave the threatened area, you’re fine.

0:33:19 Siobhan: So, I would like to cast, uh, Faerie Fire, which is a first level spell on this little monster guy and he has to, um, win a, he has to beat a Dexterity saving throw and if he does not beat the Dex throw he— we gain advantage on all attacks against him.

0:33:38 Brennan: Really?

0:33:39 Siobhan: Yes.

0:33:41 Brennan: Ooh, that seems extremely…

0:33:43 Siobhan: I’ll read it out to you if you like.

0:33:45 Brennan: No that’s, that’s great. So he has to roll a Dex save, what’s the DC for your spells?

0:33:52 Siobhan: Uh, DC is 14.

0:33:54 Brennan: Ooh boy! You know what? It’s the first battle, let’s bring out our old friend the Box of Doom. [intense music kicks up]

0:33:59 Lou: Mm.

0:34:01 Ally: Ooh!

0:34:02 Emily: Ooh-hoo-hoo!

0:34:03 Brennan: Once again, bringing out our old friend, The Box of Doom, for important rolls here! Our friends are in the middle of a frozen Times Square, fighting these horrifying Santas, and their [garbled low voice] giant hive queen Santa Claus has just appeared. [normal voice] We are now going to roll, because that Santa is gonna make a little old saving throw. Uh, tell you right now that this Santa makes that throw on a 13 or higher. To see if this spell affects it. We’ll go ahead and roll… It rolled a 5. Uh… Siobhan gives the box double middle fingers.

0:34:20 Emily: Yeah!

0:34:37 Brennan: Misty, what does your spell look like as you cast it?

0:34:40 Siobhan: [fantasy harp music plays] A beautiful, sparkly, almost like Disney-princess-esque, uh, circle of lights enshroud him, um, and like, ding off of him in little like, plinky bells.

0:34:51 Brennan: [dinging, then roaring]

0:34:56 Emily: [laughs]

0:34:59 Mutant Santa: Very naughty.

0:35:02 Misty: Darling, I love to be naughty. It’s my favorite thing!

0:35:08 Brennan: [laughs] Uh, incredible. Uh, Kugrash, that’s gonna be you.

0:35:09 Murph: Sweet. Oh boy. Everyone’s so fucked. Um… okay.

0:35:14 Kugrash: Kingston. You got uh, you got our friend Ricky here?

0:35:18 Kingston: I think I’mma head back for Ricky in a second.

0:35:21 Kugrash: Okay.

0:35:21 Murph: Then I’m gonna, I guess I’m gonna create another Flaming Sphere and shoot it at him. That’ll be my last 2nd level spell, but I’m gonna do that.

0:35:29 Brennan: Hell yeah. Uh, go ahead and this guy’s gonna make a save, what’s your DC on that?

0:35:36 Murph: Uh, my DC is… 14.

0:35:39 Brennan: Um, awesome, go ahead and roll damage.

0:35:41 Murph: Cool. 10.

0:35:45 Emily: Yeah!

0:35:45 Brennan: Yeah.

0:35:46 Murph: And then I’m just gonna have it chill up in his shit.

0:35:53 Brennan: Um, you see that it [roars]. This garbage-y, oily fireball [garbles] um, attacks this giant monster, Kingston, that’s you.

0:36:02 Lou: Um, can I, uh, what’s the state of Santa?

0:36:07 Brennan: Uh, you look down, uh, make a Medicine check for me.

0:36:10 Lou: Ho-ho.

0:36:12 Kugrash: Is he all right, Kingston, is he okay?

0:36:14 Zac: What is the state of Santa?

0:36:15 Lou: Uh, that’s gonna be 28.

0:36:17 Ally: Whoo!

0:36:18 Brennan: Uh, Santa is badly injured.

0:36:20 Lou: Mhm.

0:36:22 Brennan: But still breathing.

0:36:24 Lou: Okay. Right. Uh… I think of my old friend Santa, but, uh, I notice how awfully hurt Ricky Matsui is right now, so—

0:36:33 Zac: I can heal myself.

0:36:35 Lou: To what extent, though?

0:36:36 Zac: I have a Cure Wounds, and I have Lay On Hands.

0:36:41 Lou: Still!

0:36:42 Zac: If you felt like healing Santa, heal Santa.

0:36:43 Lou: [sighs] I kinda wanna heal Santa.

0:36:45 Misty: You gotta do it, heal Santa!

0:36:46 Kingston: But I, Ricky, I—

0:36:47 Misty: He can take care of himself, he’s a big, strong boy!

0:36:50 Lou: Fine, I heal Santa. [All laugh]

0:36:54 Lou: I think I’ll do Healing Word, so I don’t have to get all up in the juices with, uh, the hive queen.

0:37:00 Ally: Ugh, don’t talk about the juices.

0:37:02 Brennan: Okay, so, you’re gonna bonus action Healing Word, awesome.

0:37:05 Siobhan: Oh, I forgot to do my bonus action… [taps her forehead]

0:37:06 Ally: [to Siobhan] What was it, a Bardic?

0:37:07 Siobhan: Yeah.

0:37:08 Lou: Uh… let’s see… what is that? So, do I just roll d4 plus my spellcasting modifier?

0:37:12 Brennan: Um, yes, you do.

0:37:15 Lou: Great. Uh, that’s gonna be 8.

0:37:16 Brennan: Um…

0:37:17 Emily: Santa!

0:37:18 Brennan: What do you say to Santa?

0:37:21 Kingston: [yelling] Santa! Get your ass up!

0:37:24 Santa: [gasps] Merry Christmas! [grunts]

0:37:28 Brennan: And you see that he vomits a bunch of peppermint eggs out of his… [mimics vomiting] [Whole cast groans]

0:37:32 Santa: Oh, it laid eggs in me! It laid eggs in Jolly Old Saint Nick!

0:37:34 Murph: [groans]

0:37:36 Emily: Oh my God.

0:37:37 Brennan: Santa begins to, like, crawl to his feet. That's your bonus action. You have movement and action left.

0:37:44 Lou: I guess I'll move toward Ricky Matsui, just in case I know Ricky I—

0:37:46 Kingston: Boy, I know you could take care of yourself, but.

0:37:50 Brennan: And you have an action, so you could do a disengage to not get attacks of opportunity.

0:37:54 Lou: Great, I'll do a disengage and not get attacks of opportunity.

0:37:56 Brennan: Kingston rushes back over to Ricky. Then that's going to be Ricky.

0:38:05 Zac: Okay, I might—I don't—they're gonna go before you get a chance to heal me.

0:38:09 Lou: Yes, good.

0:38:13 Zac: So, I think I gotta heal myself first. So, I'm gonna do Cure Wounds on myself.

0:38:19 Brennan: Cool.

0:38:20 Zac: Damn, so my spellcasting ability modifier is just 1, right?

0:38:24 Brennan: Mhm.

0:38:28 Zac: Okay, so I heal myself, for 4. [heavenly-sounding chime]

0:38:30 Lou: Glad I came back.

0:38:31 Brennan: What’s your Charisma? Your Charisma is 3.

0:38:33 Zac: My Charisma is 3.

0:38:35 Brennan: So it heals you for 6. Charisma is your spellcasting modifier.

0:38:38 Zac: Gotcha, so I heal for 6. I'm at 10 now and then, I don't really have anything else to do other than, I guess I could try to move forward towards the thing, but they're gonna get a hit on me right?

0:38:50 Brennan: Yeah, they would. [tense, orchestral music]

0:38:54 Zac: Yeah, I think I probably shouldn't get that way. So, I'm gonna try to move [counting spaces] one, two, three, four, three, four, five, six.

0:39:07 Brennan: Cool, so two of them will get swings on you.

0:39:10 Zac: Okay.

0:39:11 Brennan: So you're moving right here? Great.

0:39:14 Zac: Eighteen is my AC.

0:39:16 Brennan: Two swings on you, 18’s the AC. That's two misses, baby.

0:39:19 Emily: Woo! Let’s go misses.

0:39:21 Ally: That’s a high AC.

0:39:22 Brennan: Yeah, you rushed— you're so fucking buff, these goopy Santa Clauses. Just muscle your way through. Then it's going to be [roars, holding the giant mutant Santa] This thing picks up Santa.

0:39:40 Lou: No.

0:39:44 Brennan: In one of its claws. Ally groans.

0:39:45 Siobhan: It’s so drippy.

0:39:47 Ally: Are those bodies?

0:39:48 Siobhan: Oh, yeah they're bodies.

0:39:50 Emily: They are.

0:39:51 Lou: Is that a pregnant woman?

0:39:54 Siobhan: No!

0:39:56 Ally: Jesus Christ!

0:39:57 Zac: Dark.

0:39:58 Murph: Oh, so he fucking moves.

0:39:58 Emily: You fucker.

0:39:58 Brennan: Comes over here.

0:40:01 Ally: Trying to get the Dunkin Donuts. It's in the DD perks.

0:40:05 Brennan: I'm gonna need Dexterity saves from Ricky and from Misty.

0:40:10 Ally: Fuck!

0:40:15 Zac: 13.

0:40:16 Siobhan: 11.

0:40:18 Brennan: Who got a 13?

0:40:19 Zac: I did.

0:40:20 Brennan: You did, okay. One second...

0:40:24 Zac: Is 13 the worse one?

0:40:26 Siobhan: Unlucky 13.

0:40:28 Brennan: Misty you take 16 points of damage—

0:40:29 Siobhan: Jesus, Christmas.

0:40:30 Brennan: —and you [points at Zac] take 8 points of damage.

0:40:32 Zac: Alright I'm at 2.

0:40:33 Siobhan: I'm at 4.

0:40:35 Brennan: You see that Santa goes [growls] and just the coldest shards of tinsel— just tinsel vomit— [groaning] lacerate and shred you guys with this freezing cold energy. And then, the mutants go. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

0:41:03 Siobhan: I’m gonna be down.

0:41:05 Zac: I mean...

0:41:08 Ally: It's you two who can bring people back, right?

0:41:10 Lou: Yeah.

0:41:11 Murph: Yeah, I can heal people.

0:41:12 Emily: You have heals too?

0:41:13 Siobhan: I have a heal.

0:41:14 Emily: I don't think I have any kind of heal.

0:41:15 Lou: Hey, then go kick ass dude, leave that to us.

0:41:17 Emily: I know, I feel bad though, I always play healers. I don’t know how to not heal.

0:41:23 Siobhan: Heal yourself, man.

0:41:25 Emily: That’s true.

0:41:26 Lou: I’m at 21.

0:41:27 Siobhan: Let other people heal you.

0:41:29 Brennan: Okay, Kingston, what's your armor class?

0:41:31 Lou: 18.

0:41:33 Siobhan: Dang.

0:41:35 Brennan: You take 5 points of damage.

0:41:40 Lou: Whoo, okay.

0:41:41 Brennan: From a slashing— [roars] one of the tentacles tackles rips at you.

0:41:45 Lou: 21 minus 5, which is..

0:41:47 Brennan: Kugrash what's your AC?

0:41:48 Murph: 17. I got a little shield.

0:41:54 Brennan: You take 8 points of damage.

0:41:55 Murph: [whispering] Fuck.

0:41:56 Emily: What are you at?

0:41:57 Murph: 10 and I have to roll to maintain concentration to keep my sphere.

0:42:02 Kugrash: Absolutely fuck me.

0:42:04 Murph: I don't do it.

0:42:05 Brennan: Pete, what's your armor class?

0:42:07 Ally: 13.

0:42:09 Brennan: You take 4 points of damage.

0:42:14 Ally: Down to 2.

0:42:15 Brennan: And then that's gonna be Misty and Ricky. That's a miss on Ricky and a miss on Misty.

0:42:24 Siobhan: Do I have to— for concentration, he hit me for 16. What do I, is my, that spell is gone, right?

0:42:28 Brennan: Faerie Fire?

0:42:31 Siobhan: Yeah.

0:42:32 Brennan: You could theoretically roll... is it-it's a Constitution saving throw.

0:42:35 Siobhan: Okay.

0:42:36 Brennan: So, you should roll a saving throw to see. Half damage is 8.

0:42:38 Siobhan: Fuck!

0:42:40 Brennan: The spell, [psssh].

0:42:41 Siobhan: Yeah, so no advantage over him whatsoever. God fucking damnit.

0:42:44 Emily: Damn, these saving throws are fucking us.

0:42:46 Siobhan: Yeah.

0:42:48 Brennan: That's going to be now-those were all the mutants that went. You see that Santa-

0:42:56 Lou: Come on Santa.

0:42:57 Brennan: Santa from within the claws of that thing goes

0:43:00 Santa: Well, I'm very very sorry. You deserve better than this, especially during this holiday season. But, let's see what else I can do.

0:43:09 Brennan: And you see that he reaches into his bag, which he's still got.

0:43:16 Zac: Presents!

0:43:17 Emily: Yay!

0:43:19 Lou: He just gives us a PS4 and that's it.

0:43:23 Emily: But it's a one D12 weapon.

0:43:26 Murph: Ricky catches it but it still breaks, from the jostling. [gentle chiming music]

0:43:28 Brennan: You see he reaches in and takes a little bit of snow and goes [mimics blowing snow from his hand]. Every single one of you gains 8 hit points.

0:43:33 Emily: Ooh!

0:43:36 Lou: Okay, Santa!

0:43:37 Misty: Thank you Santa.

0:43:38 Sofia: Thank you Santa!

0:43:43 Santa: We wish you a Merry Christmas! Ho ho ho!

0:43:45 Sofia: Even in these times, he’s laughing.

0:43:47 Santa: Ahh! It's crushing me!

0:43:50 Emily: Oops! I did it wrong.

0:43:50 Lou: Back up to 24.

0:43:52 Zac: I’m at 10.

0:43:53 Ally: Yeah, same.

0:43:54 Brennan: Waking up Santa was the right move. That's gonna be Sofie.

0:43:59 Emily: Okay, I would like to run, jump up on this exposed rib, and use it to monkey bar myself to uppercut him with my feet. I wanna concuss this fuck.

0:44:09 Brennan: Hell yeah. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, you make it there! You got a speed of 40, right?

0:44:12 Emily: Yeah.

0:44:15 Brennan: Cool, go ahead and roll your attacks.

0:44:20 Emily: Okay, is 18 gonna hit?

0:44:22 Brennan: 18 hits.

0:44:23 Emily: Okay, so that's for 7, then I'm going to hit him again. Does 16 hit?

0:44:32 Brennan: 16 hits.

0:44:33 Emily: For 5 then I'm gonna use— so it's 7, 5. I'm gonna use a ki point for a Flurry of Blows. Do I have to roll— no I— do I have to roll again?

0:44:45 Brennan: You just have to roll an attack, yeah.

0:44:46 Emily: Roll an attack again, okay. 17 is gonna hit. And so for another 5.

0:44:52 Murph: Nice. [crosstalk]

0:44:55 Brennan: Jesus Christ. After flipping this fucking chrysalis into the sky, you guys see— Sofie is fast. Runs up, you flip—

0:45:03 Emily: Can we say I did like the gymnast thing where I like, do a circle on the exposed rib? [spins her fingers in a circle]

0:45:08 Brennan: Yeah, like this off balance hive queen wobbles around and [growls]. You jump up and get in the ribcage and you kick this motherfucker right in his peppermint heart [groans], and he vomits a bunch of viscous half-formed presents. Like weird organic, like, bows and ribbons and shit come out of his mouth. Incredible. Yeah, you are now deep in this dude's ribcage. You see that Santa looks to you and says,

0:45:43 Santa: Sofie Bicicleta, it's wonderful to see you!

0:45:47 Sofia: Oh my god! Was it really you who I used to go visit at the Staten Island mall?

0:45:52 Santa: [laughs] No, that was an alcoholic vagrant. I'm Santa Claus. That man got a seasonal job because it's a, you know, that's sort of what he can handle.

0:46:02 Sofia: I see, well he was really nice. Make sure you give him a good present.

0:46:06 Santa: I always do.

0:46:07 Sofia: Okay.

0:46:08 Brennan: You are, yeah you're inside that giant Santa Claus. That's gonna be Pete.

0:46:17 Ally: Fuck! Um, okay. Someone's in front of me, right?

0:46:24 Zac: They'll get a hit on you if you move, right?

0:46:26 Ally: Yeah, and I don't really have these level spells left. All I have is Fire Bolts.

0:46:33 Zac: And I guess they explode still.

0:46:34 Ally: Yeah.

0:46:35 Brennan: You've used your second level spells, right?

0:46:37 Ally: Yeah, yeah yeah. Cool, so wait can I— do you think Sleep would affect these people, or?

0:46:44 Brennan: You could make a— make an Arcana check to see.

0:46:54 Ally: 14.

0:46:55 Brennan: The powers you've been drawing on are starting to make you feel a little bad. You do feel like another part of you sort of coming on, there’s like something else you can reach out to. If you wanted to try and cast Sleep, you definitely could.

0:47:09 Ally: Cool, yeah. Um, yeah.

0:47:11 Brennan: Hell yeah! You go ahead and cast Sleep, so go ahead and roll-I think it's, what, it’s 5d8.

0:47:22 Ally: Yeah.

0:47:25 Murph: And that's how much HP— who are you doing it on?

0:47:28 Ally: What would make most sense?

0:47:30 Murph: Probably the little guys just to take them out.

0:47:33 Lou: Is that concentration?

0:47:37 Ally: Yeah, so we can stop dealing with them. Okay, I've got 4d8. Great, 12 and then 15.

0:47:48 Brennan: 15 altogether? Hell yeah. You go ahead, this guy right here you [whoosh] hit this area and this guy goes to sleep. As you hit that group of them you see that-a different voice. You suddenly see a flash of that little gray-faced child. And you see the child says,

0:48:01 Child: [whispers] I’m trying to reach you but I can’t.

0:48:14 Brennan: And weird gray gritty city dust— it looks like the kind of dust that kicks off out of the weird gutters and sidewalks that would then, like, hit you in the eye. But also mixed with like little pieces of diamond and, like, glittering starlight appears in your hands. And [whoosh] escapes and hits that guy in his weird oculus. And he goes,

0:48:29 Santa Clone: [yawns and falls face down, voice distorted] Visions of sugar plums dance in my head.

0:48:44 Brennan: And is snoozing. That's gonna be Misty.

0:48:48 Siobhan: I turn to the big boy and I say,

0:48:48 Misty: Hey big boy, let's dance. [quick, jazzy swing music]

0:48:54 Siobhan: And I do an incredible-ly fast, like time step with my beautiful silver shoes of Titania, and I cast Irresistible Dance on the big boy.

0:49:07 Sofia: Can't believe I'm getting a free Misty Moore show. Oh my god.

0:49:12 Misty: Darling, with me everyday is a show! My life is a show!

0:49:17 Brennan: So, you see that this thing looks at you and goes [groans which turns into a distorted song] it has no legs, but just sort of squirms and, like it poops out a couple half formed Santa clones.

0:49:27 Misty: [dancing] Okay, that’s terrible, I’m sorry I did that.

0:49:37 Brennan: That's now going to be.

0:49:39 Siobhan: Oh, and I— before I do that, sorry, I um, I go to Sofie and I go,

0:49:42 Misty: Hey kid, I like you, you're great.

0:49:47 Siobhan: And I give you Bardic Inspiration.

0:49:48 Sofia: Oh my God! Oh my god! My new friends are awesome!

0:49:52 Ally: Awww.

0:49:55 Brennan: That's going to be Kagrush.

0:49:58 Murph: Sweet, okay I'm gonna do something a little risky here, [Kug voice] cause I'm a fucking rat. [normal] And I'm gonna just take hits from these guys maybe to get up to here. I wanna get in the middle of my friends here within a 30 foot aura.

0:50:12 Brennan: Dope, cool, go for it.

0:50:14 Murph: Unless I get struck down. I'm at 18 right now.

0:50:22 Brennan: One of them really clobbers you.

0:50:24 Murph: Fuck!

0:50:25 Brennan: For 14 points of damage.

0:50:27 Murph: Ugh! I’m at 4!

0:50:29 Brennan: But you do get to that spot.

0:50:31 Murph: Okay, then I am going to— I'm a Circle of Shepherd druid. I'm going to call upon a Spirit Totem of a unicorn. Just, my other ones are real shitty, but this one is an actual majestic unicorn and everyone in a 30 foot aura anytime I cast a healing spell they get healed for my druid level. So, they'll get healed for 3.

0:50:46 Emily: Ooh, that’s nice.

0:51:00 Murph: Actually, you know what, I can only cast Cure Wounds on myself because I can't touch anybody else.

0:51:04 Siobhan: Well, but you need to do that anyway, so that’s.

0:51:06 Emily: But everyone’s gonna get that heal though.

0:51:07 Zac: Can you do both in the same turn?

0:51:07 Murph: Oh, it's a bonus action to call the Spirit Totem.

0:51:09 Lou: So we all get 3?

0:51:11 Brennan: You guys see this incredible unicorn appears, made of snow. You guys recognize this is the Inwood unicorn.

0:51:21 Unicorn: [whinnies] Hey, this fuckin’ guy!

0:51:25 Kugrash: Hey, how you doing?

0:51:27 Brennan: [whinnies] Beautiful snowy mane.

0:51:29 Murph: I rub his face, get mud all over it.

0:51:30 Brennan: Hell yeah. And then you can heal yourself.

0:51:32 Murph: It's not for much. I just healed myself for 6.

0:51:37 Brennan: Kingston, it's gonna be your turn.

0:51:38 Zac: So we’re at 13 now?

0:51:38 Murph: Oh and then you guys— and then Misty, Ricky, Kingston each get 3.

0:51:46 Lou: So, Pete you're at 10?

0:51:47 Ally: Mhm.

0:51:49 Lou: Pete's at 10 and in the corner by himself.

0:51:51 Ally: But the person in front of me is asleep, but still yeah, there are two guys right here.

0:51:54 Zac: I think it’s this guy right here.

0:51:55 Lou: No, this other guy fell asleep.

0:51:56 Brennan: Yeah you've got— you still have a guy next to you.

0:51:58 Lou: You're still—

0:51:59 Ally: The guy in front of me isn't the one who got attacked?

0:52:00 Brennan: You didn't roll high enough to make that dude in front of you, who's uninjured, go to sleep.

0:52:04 Ally: Fuck.

0:52:05 Lou: Kugrash you're at?

0:52:07 Murph: I'm at 10.

0:52:07 Emily: Kug!

0:52:08 Lou: 10. Ricky you're at?

0:52:10 Zac: 13.

0:52:11 Lou: 13. And if I move out of this— this like trifecta of dirty Santas I've found myself in,

0:52:14 Emily: [laughing] Dirty Santa!

0:52:17 Lou: They'll all get attacks of opportunity on me unless I disengage?

0:52:21 Brennan: Correct.

0:52:22 Lou: Okay.

0:52:23 Ally: Let’s all watch dirty Santa together.

0:52:24 Siobhan: So many Billy Bob Thorntons in one day.

0:52:27 Lou: I think I'm gonna disengage. [counting spaces] One, two, three, four, five. Yeah, can I disengage from these three, move one, two, three, like over near the sleeping Santa and then cast Healing Word on Pete the Plug?

0:52:43 Brennan: Yes, you can.

0:52:44 Lou: Great.

0:52:45 Brennan: Go ahead and roll that 1d4.

0:52:47 Lou: Oh, lovely. Plus— okay, that's 9.

0:52:50 Ally: [sighs] Thank you, man.

0:52:53 Emily: That's good.

0:52:55 Ally: I forgot to roll for Sleep.

0:52:57 Brennan: Go ahead and roll. Is that a nat 1? Ally and Murph both look up and nod at Brennan.

0:52:59 Siobhan: Fuck.

0:53:01 Zac: For Sleep?

0:53:03 Emily: But maybe it'll be something good.

0:53:04 Murph: Healing surge.

0:53:04 Siobhan: It could be something good. Or a plant could grow next to you.

0:53:06 Zac: It’s a Wild Magic Surge?

0:53:07 Murph: Wild Magic Surge.

0:53:07 Siobhan: Oh my goodness, happened already.

0:53:08 Brennan: Very exciting, our first Wild Magic Surge.

0:53:11 Ally: I was trying to be honest, but I didn't wanna be that honest.

0:53:15 Emily: But maybe it’ll be something really good though that’ll help us.

0:53:16 Murph: Sometimes it’s fun.

0:53:17 Ally: Yeah, true.

0:53:18 Brennan: You feel yourself as you get healed by Kingston, your two types of magic interact again of this— again this like golden light mixed with your insane, like, rainbow of [waving his hands around]. You get hit and all of your Sorcery Points are restored. [Cheering]

0:53:30 Emily: Yeah, buddy!

0:53:36 Ally: Okay.

0:53:39 Siobhan: That’s dope.

0:53:40 Emily: Being unstable’s good.

0:53:42 Brennan: This is like the most insane upper you've ever been on. You are fucking cooking right now.

0:53:46 Ally: Fuck yeah.

0:53:49 Brennan: Now, we're going to— that was Kingston, Ricky that is you.

0:53:54 Zac: How fucked up is this big old bad Santa doing?

0:53:58 Brennan: Big old bad Santa is not looking great. Big old bad Santa's gotta be like dancing and shit.

0:54:00 Emily: He’s dancing.

0:54:02 Zac: I think I'm gonna try to just—

0:54:05 Emily: Join me.

0:54:05 Zac: Just run up and Divine Smite him.

0:54:10 Brennan: Rad. Do you have any spells left to Divine Smite with?

0:54:12 Zac: It's my last one.

0:54:12 Brennan: Last one, cool.

0:54:14 Zac: I've used two so far.

0:54:14 Brennan: Cool, one, two, three. You run up. You see, yes Sofie's in the ribcage kicking the shit out of this thing’s heart.

0:54:18 Sofia: Hey!

0:54:22 Ricky: Hey, just hang on Santa. I'm coming to get you! You're the opposite of Santa.

0:54:30 Brennan: Go ahead and take your attack.

0:54:33 Zac: That is a 17.

0:54:35 Brennan: 17 hits.

0:54:36 Zac: Cool and then for— so, I add 2d8 on top of the d8?

0:54:40 Murph: Yep.

0:54:43 Emily: You get 2d8? Holy shit.

0:54:46 Murph: So that’s how a smite is, yeah.

0:54:48 Zac: So, 14. Sorry,  that was a 7 and then a 3 and then an 8.

0:54:53 Ally: Whoa! 18!

0:54:55 Zac: So, 7, 3, 8, and then plus 7.

0:54:56 Murph: [raising his eyebrows] Jesus.

0:54:57 Zac: So, 14, 17 and 25.

0:55:01 Emily: 25, right?

0:55:03 Zac: Yeah.

0:55:04 Brennan: You guys see, you rush up to go save Santa. You go “you're the opposite of Santa”. You leap up and fully decapitate the entire thing. You just leap straight up into the air. You guys see that Ricky's ax glows with this incredible brilliant light and actually the blade, like, elongates— not the metal part but the light gleaming off it elongates to perfectly— and safely!—  sever. Head— [growling]

0:55:36 Emily: Wait can I— can I safely catch Santa, so we can land together, since I’m right with him?

0:55:41 Brennan: Go and give me an Acrobatics check.

0:55:43 Lou: Don't drop Santa.

0:55:44 Emily: [finger guns] 24 baby.

0:55:45 Brennan: You land with Santa Claus perfectly in your arms.

0:55:49 Sofia: You do so much for all of us, someone needs to look out for you.

0:55:52 Santa: Well now it looks like I'm on your lap! Oh ho ho ho!

0:55:57 Sofia: Someone take a Polaroid! I'll put it on my fridge.

0:55:59 Zac: I do a selfie. [clicks]

0:56:02 Brennan: Incredible, you see that the decapitated bod— actually the head falls away, the decapitated body starts to dance up Broadway [jingling bells, roaring] and like spurt blood and eventually collapses over by the Sbarro’s. [cast laughs] You see— cool, the mutants all sort of scream and they're no longer possessed with purpose, but they are violently lashing out still.

0:56:16 Murph: Okay.

0:56:30 Brennan: So, that is Ricky's turn. Santa's there, Ricky's there. These guys actually are gonna run. Misty, you get an attack of opportunity on that one, if you want.

0:56:41 Siobhan: Great. I mean, I'll use my umbrella with a knife inside of it.

0:56:45 Brennan: Hell yeah! Go for it.

0:56:46 Siobhan: To go for his little ribs. 11? No, wait— 14.

0:56:54 Brennan: 14 hits.

0:56:55 Siobhan: Great. That is 4 points of damage.

0:57:01 Brennan: Not bad!

0:57:04 Siobhan: But I helped in other ways.

0:57:06 Lou: There you go.

0:57:07 Emily: Yeah, girl.

0:57:07 Siobhan: Hah! Ha-cha.

0:57:07 Brennan: Dope! You see-and that was just your reaction, so that's just for free. These guys are gonna take some swings now. Two of them are going for Ricky, one of them hits you, Ricky, for 6 points of damage.

0:57:21 Zac: Okay, I'm still at 7.

0:57:27 Brennan: Let's see— six of these guys. Cool, one's gonna take a swing at you Pete, misses. Three of them are gonna take swings on Kingston. Actually, two of them take swings on Kingston, miss. I'm gonna need you to roll a Dexterity saving throw.

0:57:49 Lou: Ooh, nat 1.

0:57:51 Brennan: You take 5 points of frost damage.

0:57:51 Siobhan: [offscreen, to Lou] Are you down?

0:57:52 Brennan: As one of them belches peppermint at you. Two take sw— One takes a swing at Kugrash, misses.

0:57:56 Lou: [to Siobhan] I had full health.

0:57:58 Sofia: Kug, I’m coming for ya.

0:58:00 Brennan: Give me a Dex save.

0:58:03 Emily: Wait, Kug is down?

0:58:04 Murph: No no no no, I'm— Dex save.

0:58:06 Emily: Oh! Dex save.

0:58:10 Murph: Oh, but I'm proficient. Oh, no I'm not proficient. Just 9.

0:58:14 Brennan: You take 8 points of cold damage.

0:58:15 Murph: Fuck, I'm so hurt. I'm at 2.

0:58:17 Lou: Down in 20.

0:58:18 Emily: Okay.

0:58:18 Zac: Down to 20, what...

0:58:19 Lou: Down to 20.

0:58:20 Brennan: Yes, these Santas are like clobbering you Kingston, they’re slashing you with tentacles. You see that Santa looks at these clones as he's like, sort of sitting in your lap and you see that he looks at these two right around Ricky. And you see he says,

0:58:38 Santa: Well, this just—

0:58:38 Brennan: And you see it’s like, blood’s coming from his head. He has like incisions in his stomach and his coat's torn where something like laid eggs in him. And you see he goes,

0:58:47 Santa: Well, this simply won't do at all. You two— [low voice] get in the bag.

0:58:53 Brennan: And opens the bag up. You see that these two Santas [whoom!] are sucked into his bag and are just gone. So he says,

0:59:03 Santa: Some things are better left in the bag.

0:59:06 Sofia: Don’t I know it.

0:59:09 Brennan: That's gonna be, Sofie.

0:59:11 Emily: Okay, I'm gonna gently place Santa down and then I want to—

0:59:12 Zac: [laughing] He’s still in your arms after that.

0:59:13 Emily: I wanna run. Actually, maybe I'll keep him in my arms as I run.

0:59:17 Brennan: Yeah, you— sure, you carry Santa.

0:59:21 Emily: I carry Santa, I wanna shove myself in between Kug and these two guys.

0:59:25 Brennan: Okay, cool.

0:59:26 Emily: Can I do that?

0:59:28 Brennan: Yeah, you can actually make like a shove attack if you wanna make an opposed Athletics with one.

0:59:31 Kugrash: Hey, I'm walking here.

0:59:33 Emily: Yeah, well would that be like, I can't do like a regular attack on them then if I do that?

0:59:39 Brennan: You have plenty of attacks. So, you can make one of your attacks an Athletics to push them away and then take your other attacks.

0:59:43 Emily: Okay, cool so I'll make an Athletics to push them away.

0:59:46 Brennan: You gotta beat a 14.

0:59:47 Emily: I got a 14 and then I'm adding 6 to it. So, 20.

0:59:51 Brennan: You just roundhouse this guy and knock him back five feet you get in between Kugrash. You're still holding Santa. You see that Santa goes like,

0:59:58 Santa: [laughing] Yes, you are a gifted martial artist!

1:00:05 Sofia: Well, you know cardio kickboxing has its benefits. More than just for the nice glutes.

1:00:09 Ricky: She needs shoes, Santa!

1:00:11 Kugrash: She's got shoes, she's got bags.

1:00:13 Emily: And then I'm gonna attack the other one that I didn't.

1:00:16 Brennan: Go for it.

1:00:17 Emily: Okay. Okay, ten is gonna hit, you said? [cast laughs]

1:00:24 Brennan: Ten does not hit. [Ally and Murph overlapping]

1:00:26 Ally: Wow. Wow.

1:00:27 Murph: 10 confirmed hit?

1:00:28 Emily: And then do I still get my bonus action to— when my like unarmed, or when I’m hit, or I used that.

1:00:33 Brennan: No, I think you used that.

1:00:35 Emily: Okay, alright.

1:00:36 Brennan: But you got that guy away from Kugrash. That's gonna be Pete.

1:00:40 Ally: Cool, oh with Wild Magic Surge did you want me to roll like the d—

1:00:45 Brennan: I actually rolled that over here.

1:00:46 Ally: Oh! Cool, cool. Okay, great. Okay, I— I don't know, I could do...

1:00:52 Zac: You got those Sorcery Points back.

1:00:54 Emily: Yeah.

1:00:57 Ally: Yeah, yeah, true. Okay, yeah I'm gonna do...

1:01:03 Zac: It sucks that they blow up when you kill them.

1:01:05 Ally: Yeah, fully. Man, I don't know. I guess I'll cast Sleep some more and try to like affect more people with it.

1:01:16 Brennan: Yeah, you see that there's some injured ones around. Yeah, for sure. Go ahead and you can cast Sleep again. Go for it, roll 5d8.

1:01:22 Ally: Cool and then I can-can I do use those Sorcery Points to add more to the sleep thing or do you think that's...

1:01:31 Brennan: You can— you can do the Sorcery Points. Well, what I would say actually also is that you know these guys are hurt by fire a lot. So, Fire Bolt's not a bad idea either. If you just wanna just want to keep using a cantrip.

1:01:40 Murph: Or Scorching Ray.

1:01:41 Ally: Scorching Ray's out cause I already used my second level spell.

1:01:45 Brennan: But you could use your Sorcery Points to turn them into a spell.

1:01:48 Ally: Exactly. Hey, you know what? We got there. I use a Sorcery— oh no, sorry, I use two.

1:01:55 Brennan: You have to actually use all three of your Sorcery Points to be able to do that.

1:01:57 Ally: Okay, cool, yeah. Then I'm gonna do Scorching Ray. I can do...

1:02:01 Brennan: Three attacks with that.

1:02:02 Ally: Yeah, okay, so for the first one, 16. Next one, 13 with 6 is 19. Fuck yeah. 17. [tense orchestral music fades in]

1:02:11 Brennan: All of them hit. Roll 2d6 and let me know which ones you’re attacking.

1:02:16 Ally: Okay, there's one right in front of me, right?

1:02:17 Brennan: Yeah.

1:02:19 Ally: Get him for 6.

1:02:21 Brennan: Not down but badly badly injured.

1:02:24 Ally: Okay, so no. Probably another one.

1:02:26 Brennan: Another one will do it, Yeah.

1:02:27 Ally: Ah, but he’s getting— whatever, 8.

1:02:30 Brennan: That'll do it. [explosion]

1:02:32 Ally: And then the final one, I'll aim it at this one, I guess, that’s piling up.

1:02:39 Brennan: Cool, hell yeah, go for it.

1:02:40 Ally: Come on two sixes, come on. Ah, 6 and a 2, 8.

1:02:45 Brennan: 8, you see— badly, badly injured that one, by Kingston. [growls loudly] As you pull on this weird nightmarish thing. You see that, again, your arm like opens up into tatters for fire to like come out of the center of you blasting out of your arm. Weird shit. That's going to now be Misty.

1:03:09 Siobhan: I'm gonna turn— I'm gonna come over here and cast Cure Wounds on Kugrash.

1:03:17 Kugrash: Thank you so much.

1:03:19 Brennan: And is your Unicorn Totem still up?

1:03:20 Murph: Yes.

1:03:21 Brennan: Sorry, that doesn't do it. Yeah, she’d do it.

1:03:21 Murph: Yeah, it’s only if I do it.

1:03:23 Siobhan: So, that's 9 points and then I try to find something on you that I can compliment and I'm just like,

1:03:30 Misty: You—

1:03:30 Murph: I just look at you with dead rat eyes.

1:03:31 Misty: You, you seem very nice.

1:03:36 Kugrash: Hey, thanks so much.

1:03:38 Siobhan: And I give him Bardic Inspiration.

1:03:39 Ally: You seem nice.

1:03:40 Kugrash: Let’s shake hands on it.

1:03:40 Misty: Mm! [presses her lips tightly together]

1:03:41 Brennan: [laughs] Kugrash, after that lovely compliment, that's gonna be your turn.

1:03:43 Murph: Awesome. Okay, I wanna do— I wanna hit as many guys as possible. So, I might take an opportunity attack here from this one guy. So, I want to do Thunderwave, which is a cube or-originating from me, so I need to get away if I don't wanna hit my friend. So I'm gonna take a hit from this guy. So, one, two, three, I'll move over here.

1:04:08 Brennan: Cool.

1:04:09 Murph: Uh, four, I wanna try to— I want to hit these three guys.

1:04:12 Brennan: Dope, awesome.

1:04:13 Murph: So, they make Dex saves.

1:04:15 Brennan: Rad, the one guy misses you. I think Thunderwave— my understanding is that the cube is a 15-foot cube originating from you, meaning you're in the center, right? Or is it?

1:04:27 Siobhan: Yeah.

1:04:27 Brennan: Or, would that be-that would be a 5-foot radius I guess, right?

1:04:28 Siobhan: It’s from self.

1:04:29 Brennan: So, this is— so can you put the cube wherever you want?

1:04:34 Murph: I think it's from me.

1:04:36 Siobhan: No, it's from self.

1:04:37 Brennan: So, I think it only affects people within 5 feet of you.

1:04:40 Murph: Okay, so then I'll just go back here and get these two.

1:04:42 Brennan: Cool. Awesome, go ahead and roll your damage.

1:04:48 Murph: Sweet, 8.

1:04:54 Brennan: You see that the one that was injured by Pete is blown away. This guy is fully knocked. What direction do you want this guy to go flying in?

1:05:03 Murph: 10 feet, let's send him that way.

1:05:05 Emily: Send them my way.

1:05:06 Brennan: Blown back, Pete's is gone.

1:05:11 Murph: I light up a dirty puddle. It smells like shit, just sizzling, fucking—

1:05:17 Ally: And we can tell that you like it.

1:05:17 Kugrash: What, I don’t like it, it’s just—we—we live in a shit city, I’m not smiling, I don’t like it.

1:05:17 Pete: You’re smiling. You’re smiling.

1:05:17 Kingston: Kugrash, you like it, it’s okay.

1:05:17 Sofia: I feel like you’re taking extra sniffs of it.

1:05:27 Kugrash: [sniffs] You wanna know how it smells, you're curious.

1:05:30 Brennan: Kingston, that’s gonna be you.

1:05:32 Lou: Cool, I mean we seem to just be chilling at this— everyone seems to be doing fine. So I'll, hell, I’ll— let me get in on this action. I'll Sacred Flame the dude who seems to be almost dead.

1:05:43 Brennan: Go for it, man. Go ahead and roll your attack roll.

1:05:46 Lou: I think you just make a Dexterity saving throw for them.

1:05:50 Brennan: Ooh, very fun! Yeah, Sacred Flame. Oh, a Dexterity saving throw, yes.

1:05:54 Lou: They succeed or they take 1d8.

1:05:58 Brennan: He fails.

1:05:59 Lou: Hell yes! Great! With joy, a 7.

1:06:07 Brennan: Yeah, you guys see Kingston turn around. You raise your hand, your eyes glow brilliant white and a [whoom], burst of like— again, it's an— it's hard to tell if it's moving like air or fire but this brilliant thing goes [whoom] and you see the Santa clone goes,

1:06:22 Santa Clone: [sad, garbled singing] Silent Night....

1:06:36 Brennan: [whoosh] Head catches in flame. Rad, that's going to be Ricky.

1:06:42 Zac: How hurt— I guess I should just kill the one next to you, right?

1:06:44 Murph: Yeah, just kill some guys.

1:06:46 Ricky: I'm just gonna run up to the one next to Kingston and just attack it.

1:06:51 Brennan: Hell yeah! Go ahead and roll a— roll attack.

1:06:53 Lou: Fun, just punching bag.

1:06:56 Zac: Only got 11.

1:06:58 Brennan: 11 actually hits. Lou laughs in surprise.

1:07:01 Zac: That's a 12.

1:07:03 Ally: Hell yeah.

1:07:03 Emily: Yah, bitch.

1:07:04 Zac: It's the brittle kind again?

1:07:05 Brennan: Yes.

1:07:06 Ally: Do certain ones hurt us when they explode or not?

1:07:09 Brennan: Yes certain of them— certain of them hurt you when they explode.

1:07:12 Murph: Good thing we picked up on that now.

1:07:14 Ally: [laughing] Yeah, yeah.

1:07:16 Brennan: Cool, that one is not down yet, but you thud your ax into the side of it. That's going to be this guy now.

1:07:23 Emily: Yeah, come at me.

1:07:29 Brennan: You see this dude opens up for peppermint breath. I’m gonna need Dex saves from Sofie and Misty.

1:07:34 Emily: Dex saves? Okay.

1:07:39 Siobhan: I got a 19.

1:07:41 Emily: I got an 11. Does that save or do I need to find that out—

1:07:43 Brennan: That does not save.

1:07:44 Emily: I'm gonna use my Bardic Inspiration.

1:07:46 Brennan: Go for it. Oh! You make it! You each take 2 cold damage. Misty Moore's right behind you. What could go wrong? That's a real celebrity.

1:07:52 Sofia: Oh my god!

1:07:57 Siobhan: Wait, how many points of damage was that?

1:07:58 Brennan: 2.

1:07:59 Siobhan: Okay, great, so I'm at 13.

1:08:01 Brennan: One of them takes a swing at Sofie, misses like crazy. It's gonna take another swing at Ricky, and misses Ricky. These guys are down for the count. You see Santa looks at the two next to you, Sofie, once again you see he says,

1:08:19 Santa: My, what impressive people.

1:08:21 Brennan: And then he looks again at these two and goes,

1:08:25 Santa: [deep and raspy] Back where you came from, [rips the bag open] the bag!

1:08:29 Brennan: They disappear into the bag. That's going to be-and then Sofie that's you.

1:08:36 Emily: All right, only one guy left, right?

1:08:38 Brennan: That's right.

1:08:39 Emily: All right, I'm going at ‘em.

1:08:40 Brennan: Have you put down Santa yet?

1:08:42 Emily: Nope, me and Santa are going. Can I— actually, can I take and go Santa first with the bag and we just try and trap them with the bag.

1:08:49 Brennan: Yes, absolutely, go ahead—

1:08:50 Emily: So I’m gonna say,

1:08:50 Sofia: Santa, get the bag out.

1:08:53 Brennan: Go ahead and make an opposed Acrobatics check. You've gotta beat a 17.

1:08:59 Emily: [smugly] I did.

1:09:01 Brennan: You see that you just huck Santa into the air and he goes

1:09:04 Santa: Shabam!

1:09:06 Brennan: And puts the bag over this one.

1:09:07 Lou: “Shabam!”

1:09:08 Brennan: That one is fully gone. And Times Square has been cleared of mutant Santa clones! [cheerful Christmas-y music] [players cheering]

1:09:17 Zac: Just a bunch of dead people now.

1:09:18 Brennan: Just a bunch of dead people who have been fully, fully killed. You see that Santa looks over at you guys and says

1:09:30 Santa: Well, what the fuck happened here?

1:09:37 Kugrash: Someone laid eggs in you.

1:09:39 Sofia: Yeah.

1:09:42 Ricky: What’s go— Santa pukes. [players groan]

1:09:44 Brennan: You look and see a bunch-he's holding kind of see-through gel eggs that have a bunch of little tadpoles with Santa hats on them.

1:09:48 Sofia: Oh my god.

1:09:52 Santa: This is very bad, very very bad.

1:09:56 Sofia: Who did this to you? Do you know?

1:09:58 Santa: I don't remember much. We were accosted by— well I, you know, I had to come here to deposit to my clones. Not all of them. Most, again the vast 99.9% of the clones turn out fine but the defective ones had to be brought here to be deposited within the sphere of the Umbral Arcana. So, that it would not raise suspicion and I landed the sleigh near Belvedere Castle in the park and before I knew it, something happened. Some of the clones that I was pouring out of the bag— they acted up. Normally, the clones are very, they'll vandalize things or they'll explode or other things like that but they're not generally this harmful. I don't know what's happened this time. Something knocked me unconscious. Something attacked me in the sleigh. The sleigh! Where's my sleigh?

1:10:51 Kugrash: It's still in the park.

1:10:54 Sofia: Covered in some fancy script.

1:10:57 Brennan: He sort of looks at this,

1:10:59 Santa: Well, this is very strange indeed. I need to go to my sleigh at once. By the way, hello, I am Santa Claus.

1:11:08 Kugrash: Good to see you again Santa.

1:11:09 Sofia: Hi Santa.

1:11:10 Misty: Big fan, big fan of your work.

1:11:11 Ricky: What kind of bag is that?

1:11:13 Santa: It's a magic bag, bigger on the inside than the out [threateningly] and it contains many things which should not see the light of day.

1:11:20 Ricky: Okay.

1:11:21 Pete: Okay.

1:11:22 Santa: Well hello, young man, and what is your name?

1:11:26 Pete: Jeffrey.

1:11:28 Santa: Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey. I don't think that's true.

1:11:33 Pete: I should probably get outta here you guys.

1:11:36 Kugrash: Why are you lying to Santa?

1:11:39 Pete: I panicked, man. You never say your real name.

1:11:43 Brennan: So, all of you guys here in Times Square, you look around there are dead bodies, peppermint blood everywhere. The horrifying Santa's killed. There’s still that one sleeping mutant Santa and the twitching carapace— you know— larval body of the Santa clone queen. Santa looks around at you guys and says,

1:12:03 Santa: Something very strange is happening here. But then again it's [laughing] New York City, I wouldn't expect anything less. [points straight up] Greatest city in the world.

1:12:13 Kugrash: You're hilarious Santa.

1:12:15 Santa: This guy gets me. How you doing, Kugrash?

1:12:18 Kugrash: Good, good to see you.

1:12:18 Santa: Kugrash, wonderful. [gestures to Misty] Huge fan of your work.

1:12:22 Misty: Huge fan of your work.

1:12:23 Santa: What you do is incredible, my god.

1:12:24 Misty: Oh no, are you kidding? What you do has changed lives.

1:12:28 Santa: Can I ask you a question?

1:12:28 Misty: Yeah.

1:12:29 Santa: Have you ever considered doing a Christmas album? I don't want to push the idea.

1:12:32 Misty: You know I've really been thinking about it because, you know between you and me, they sell like wildfire.

1:12:35 Santa: They sell like crazy.

1:12:38 Misty: A very Misty Christmas? I'm— I'm doing it! I’m gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Santa points excitedly at Misty.

1:12:43 Sofia: I would buy that so fast. I'm sick of my Josh Groban one.

1:12:46 Misty: You know, I do love Josh. He's a good, sweet boy.

1:12:49 Sofia: I know, but I've listened to it so many times.

1:12:50 Misty: I get it.

1:12:51 Santa: I understand. Kingston.

1:12:55 Kingston: Good to see you Santa.

1:12:55 Santa: Good to see you.

1:12:56 Kingston: You have to come by. I need to take those eggs out of you.

1:12:58 Santa: Oh, I am filled with eggs.

1:13:01 Kingston: Yeah, you’re filled with—but you come by whenever you get a chance.

1:13:03 Santa: I should get up to the sleigh, but maybe after the sleigh we'll head over to the hospital. You can—

1:13:05 Kingston: Great.

1:13:08 Santa: I do appreciate it. I also have a weird, it's not a mole but it's basically, just I don't know.

1:13:14 Kingston: I'll take a look at it.

1:13:16 Santa: I appreciate it.

1:13:17 Kingston: I got time!

1:13:17 Sofia: You’ve gotta get that checked out.

1:13:17 Ricky: It looks like you’ve got an egg on your back.

1:13:18 Santa: Oh, there's another egg? Oh, it’s another egg.

1:13:19 Kingston: It's just a big brown egg.

1:13:21 Kugrash: Santa, can I have an egg?

1:13:22 Santa: What’s that?

1:13:22 Kugrash: Can I have an egg?

1:13:23 Kingston: Santa, don't give this boy an egg.

1:13:25 Kugrash: I just want to see the egg.

1:13:26 Kingston: You don't need an egg.

1:13:26 Santa: You've been a very good little boy.

1:13:28 Brennan: He reaches into the sack and pulls out a beautiful little like Christmassy nutcracker Faberge egg.

1:13:34 Santa: That's for you.

1:13:35 Kugrash: Cool, fancy egg.

1:13:37 Santa: A very fancy egg for a very—

1:13:39 Kugrash: Thank you.

1:13:40 Santa: —not fancy boy. But, a good boy nonetheless. Ricky.

1:13:44 Ricky: Hi, Santa.

1:13:45 Santa: We haven't met before, but you don't seem that fazed that I'm here.

1:13:49 Ricky: Yeah, it just seems fine. You're told when you're a child Santa's, you know, coming, so. I've just known about you for a long time.

1:13:58 Santa: Has there not been a— has there not been a dip for you as an adult where there was a period of time where you thought I— I am real. But are you saying that you haven't had any time where you didn't think I was real?

1:14:10 Ricky: No. I pretty much, I've always believed in you. It would be crazy if you weren't real because you're such a good person. [cast laughing]

1:14:20 Brennan: You see, he looks at you and says,

1:14:21 Santa: Sofie, you are welcome at the North Pole anytime you'd like to come.

1:14:25 Sofia: I love to travel, I'll be up. Absolutely.

1:14:28 Santa: [looking at Pete] Now, I know how I can find out your name. Let's head up to, you would you mind showing me to where my sleigh is?

1:14:40 Kugrash: Yeah, absolutely.

1:14:41 Santa: Very well, here we go! [puts a finger on his nose]

1:14:44 Brennan: And you guys are whisked away on snowy wind. Santa goes,

1:14:48 Santa: Ho ho ho! I could also change all of your size as well, you know for chimneys and the like but also for fun. [roaring wind and chiming jingle bells]

1:14:55 Kugrash: Make me even smaller.

1:14:57 Santa: I'll make you— I’ll make us all so small.

1:14:59 Brennan: You guys all shrink.

1:15:01 Sofia: Do you just—do it on my waist, you know?

1:15:03 Santa: I can't spot it like that, but that'd be nice. You know, Santa's got a little bit of a gut here too.

1:15:08 Sofia: Hey, you know, lived in.

1:15:10 Santa: Honestly, Mrs. Claus likes it.

1:15:12 Sofia: I'm not surprised.

1:15:14 Brennan: You guys are so tiny. The giant-snowflakes are like these skyscraper size structures around you.

1:15:24 Santa: Yes, Christmas magic! Ho! Ho! Ho!

1:15:29 Brennan: You guys arrive in Central Park. [vague background talking sound effect] You see that the sleigh is still there. There are now a lot of cops around here. It's been, like, cordoned off as like a crime scene. You see, Pete, again this like wispy shadow fire stuff over the sleigh as a bunch of humans are kind of like looking at it. And you see that one of the cops looking at it says

1:15:54 Cop: Goddamn, looks like somebody, uh, took their Camry and drove it all the way through the park and crashed it over here into this tree. These crazy drunk drivers, man, it's nuts. Car like this, I’m amazed it got this far!

1:16:08 Brennan: And you see that all the cops looking at the sleigh appear to be seeing a Toyota Camry.

1:16:14 Sofia: Kug, would I have seen a Toyota Camry in the past?

1:16:17 Kugrash: You— have you seen a— oh, before you...

1:16:21 Sofia: Like the cops,

1:16:23 Murph: I think she saw a sleigh, right?

1:16:23 Sofie: Ever since I started hanging out with you, I've been seeing a lot of crazy shit. I thought you weren't real, and then all, you introduced me to all your friends and I've been seeing crazy shit. So, I'm saying was I on the other side?

1:16:35 Kugrash: Yeah, you— you would have seen this as a Toyota Camry a couple of days ago I would think— when you weren't drunk.

1:16:41 Ally: I think I'd go up to Santa and say,

1:16:43 Pete: Thanks so much for all your help. I can't be around this many cops though.

1:16:46 Ally: And I go to shake your hand but I press like a bag of cocaine into your hand.

1:16:52 Santa: What is— oh! A little bit of magic snow?

1:16:54 Pete: I know you gotta stay up all night, so.

1:16:56 Santa: Oh, this is cocaine.

1:16:57 Pete: Mm-hmm.

1:16:58 Santa: I can't take this.

1:17:02 Pete: No, no, no hey it's free. It is on credit but it's free. So, next time you see me then maybe you can get me back.

1:17:08 Santa: Well, I appreciate the offer but I'm a spirit for children and I shouldn't have cocaine.

1:17:15 Pete: Oh, you want, what, 2CB? I got stuff that makes you up but [waves a finger past his face] you get it.

1:17:22 Santa: Pete, your soul is in jeopardy.

1:17:25 Pete: What?

1:17:26 Santa: I am not going to lie. I need to find something.

1:17:30 Brennan: You see that Santa moves and you see he goes [whoosh] just turns into a little whirlwind of snow, moves past the cops. You guys see that there is one police officer that recognizes you guys and starts to walk over to you. There's only— a group of people kind of like gathered around. It's like onlookers and people like that. Pete and Sofie, you guys are looking at like a Central Park horse cop for a second and then that shadowy stuff kind of peels off and a full centaur. She walks up to you— she's got like the cop uniform and like the helmet. Stern, strong-looking face, walks up and says,

1:18:13 Epona Cirillo: [nods] Nurse Brown, good to see you.

1:18:16 Kingston: Epona, good to see you.

1:18:17 Epona: Yeah, how's it going? You guys know anything about this?

1:18:19 Pete: I don’t know nothin’.

1:18:22 Kugrash: We think Pixies—

1:18:24 Epona: Who's this kid?

1:18:25 Sofia and Kingston: That's Jeffrey.

1:18:29 Epona: Hey, Jeff, you wanna say hi to my horse.

1:18:33 Pete: I do love horses actually, yeah.

1:18:35 Brennan: Make a Deception check for me real quick.

1:18:37 Ally: Okay. Oh, a lot— 19.

1:18:45 Brennan: Oh 19. Yeah she kind of narrows her eyes and looks at you, looks back at the rest of you and sort of pipes down and says,

1:18:52 Epona: [quietly] Any idea what happened here?

1:18:59 Kugrash: You know Santa was knocked out. I saw some pixie stuff around here.

1:19:04 Misty: Yeah, but it was weird pixie stuff. I think that maybe it was somebody trying to cover up and make it look like it was pixies, because underneath it was infernal.

1:19:14 Epona: Infernal, you're not kidding. You guys have any more of this sort of evidence anywhere or anything we could take a look at?

1:19:23 Kingston: Didn't you bite the glyph off the glove— the glove box?

1:19:26 Kugrash: Yeah, I got that.

1:19:28 Emily: I mean aren't some of us like covered in goo?

1:19:30 Brennan: Yeah, you guys are covered in goo.

1:19:31 Sofia: You could just kinda take a cotton swab to me.

1:19:34 Brennan: You see she nods, takes a little forensics kit. Swabs you guys. Looks at the glyph and says,

1:19:39 Epona: All right I'm gonna enter this into evidence. All right with you?

1:19:43 Brennan: Takes the glyph. You see that she looks over at Santa coming back from the sleigh. You see that she sort of, you know, salutes to Santa as he approaches, he comes back and says,

1:19:54 Santa: It's gone, it's gone.

1:19:56 Kugrash: Wh— what’s gone?

1:19:57 Sofia: Your sleigh?

1:19:57 Kingston: What's gone, Santa?

1:20:00 Santa: My list. My list.

1:20:05 Pete: Like your good and bad list?

1:20:06 Misty: Sounds like somebody's been very naughty indeed.

1:20:09 Santa: It's— it was in the glove box of the sleigh. That's where I keep it.

1:20:12 Ricky: Can you just make a new list?

1:20:13 Pete: Yeah, is it really that important? I mean,

1:20:14 Kugrash: What do people do with the list?

1:20:15 Santa: Can I just make a new— you know how much work goes into making that list?

1:20:19 Kugrash: It's a fucking magic list.

1:20:20 Sofia: So, presumably if someone had access to that list, they would know who the bad people were, thus the corruptible souls? [dark, tense music]

1:20:29 Santa: My goodness! Oh, dear! Dear, dear, dear, dear. They would indeed know the corruptible souls.

1:20:36 Pete: Do you know who was on the bad list? Santa gives a knowing look to Pete. Pete frowns and looks away.

1:20:43 Ricky: Am I on the bad list?

1:20:46 Santa: Ricky, no. You are not on the bad list.

1:20:48 Kingston: Santa, what are we talking about man? Like, are you— what, like what could somebody do, how powerful is this list?

1:20:57 Santa: It's extremely important that we find this list and get it back.

1:21:00 Misty: Have you thought about, maybe just for the future— as one old fellow to another— you digitized the list, put some kind of—

1:21:09 Santa: I'm not digitizing the shop.

1:21:11 Ricky: You could put the list on the cloud.

1:21:13 Misty: It’s just harder for people to steal it that way—

1:21:15 Sofia: That’s almost easier to hack. In this day and age—

1:21:16 Kingston: My cousins helped me do it and it was— I've been very thankful since.

1:21:18 Misty: At least for next year.

1:21:20 Santa: I need to get back to the North Pole. This is quite bad. So, the naughty and nice list was something that we work very hard on at the North Pole. And it's actually so well done and well kept that I was reached out to by some other entities to sort of use the list—  not the physical list, which is very important that I have on me but. Well, you know basically St. Peter reached out to me and said that it was crazy for him to keep his book and me to keep the list at the same time and that it would be better to just sort of consolidate that effort and I got reached out to by, well you know, ‘ol [points down] downstairs fellow as well. So, Heaven and Hell have kind of been using my list for a while.

1:22:23 Misty: Santa, are you Cambridge Analytica? [players laugh]

1:22:29 Santa: Oh, ho ho ho ho! A prescient commentary. Yes, I am that.

1:22:33 Misty: [sighs] That's bad, seems like they could just keep their own lists.

1:22:37 Santa: You would think that, wouldn't you?

1:22:39 Misty: Yeah.

1:22:40 Ricky: Wait, so they already had it?

1:22:41 Santa: No, no, no I mean Heaven and Hell have been using my list for their bookkeeping purposes as well. Cause we were— basically, we were making a bunch of versions of the same list. Hell has to keep a record of everyone's good and bad and Heaven has to keep a record of everyone's good and bad.

1:22:49 Sofia: So risky.

1:22:57 Ricky: You're saying this that someone could maybe use that to get out of Hell or something like that? Or, like if you didn't have the list,

1:23:11 Santa: I should go, I should really get out of here. Can we go to the hospital?

1:23:14 Kingston: Sure.

1:23:16 Santa: Okay, well—

1:23:18 Sofia: Does that list have the kind of power that if you wrote someone's name that it could change? You could change their status?

1:23:26 Santa: I don't think just anybody could write on that list.

1:23:34 Misty: But say a powerful magic user. The type that could take down Santa, and destroy his sleigh, and scatter his reindeer to the wind, I guess.

1:23:42 Brennan: I need Pete to—that very last spell that you cast. I need you to roll Wild Magic Surge for me real quick.

1:23:47 Ally: 5.

1:23:52 Brennan: 5. Good, nothing happens. You feel a welling up of magical energy as all this—your world was normal yesterday, or as normal as your life ever got. And, you feel swelling up and suddenly that little gray child's face appears in your vision again and says,

1:24:12 Gray Child: Heed the words of Lazarus.

1:24:15 Brennan: And disappears.

1:24:16 Santa: Well, suffice it to say this is very bad. I have much work—I'm already behind schedule. I've been here longer than I should have. Kingston we can go to the hospital if you want, or—there is work that needs to be done at the North Pole that I should get back for.

1:24:38 Brennan: You see he goes and does this loud whistle and you see that a bunch of the flying reindeer come back and you see that [whooshing] land in the park. He begins like hitch them back up to the sleigh [hooves clopping] and looks over at you guys and says,

1:24:55 Santa: I need to go back to the North Pole and tell people what has happened.

1:25:01 Misty: Yeah, again man, maybe just get a phone.

1:25:06 Santa: Misty, what a dry wit. I could do that.

1:25:10 Misty: Get with the times.

1:25:12 Santa: You know I just like the aesthetic of the analog stuff. It just feels more in keeping with the—

1:25:18 Misty: Who knew Santa was such a hipster, am I right?

1:25:22 Santa: Who wants to go to the North Pole and see a bunch of elves with iPads, you know. Not I.

1:25:26 Kingston: Who's going to the North Pole?

1:25:27 Santa: [intensely] Nobody.

1:25:28 Sofia: I thought I was invited?

1:25:30 Santa: Oh, Sofie, you are invited. Yes, yes, yes.

1:25:32 Sofia: I probably— maybe, maybe April break.

1:25:36 Santa: Great, April's not a busy time for us.

1:25:38 Sofia: Yeah.

1:25:39 Santa: The elves are of course busy, but I'm cer— you know, me and the deer only really [wheezing] work one day out of the year. All right, you've all been wonderful. Happy holidays, I wish you all the best. If you hear anything about that list the fate of the world may depend on it but it— might be, I don't know. I don't really know but I'm going to figure it out. Take care. You sure you don't wanna tell me your name?

1:26:06 Pete: Yeah, my name's Pete. I will say that there has been this dark force inviting me and I think I— I think it said to me, I leave today. This morning.

1:26:23 Santa: That sounds like something you all should check out. Farewell. Bells start jingling. Pete yells.

1:26:27 Kingston: [waving calmly] Bye Santa.

1:26:30 Santa: On Dancer, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Blitzen!

1:26:31 Emily: What happened to the rest of them?

1:26:32 Brennan: You see they take off— You see that a bunch of the human cops look as this weird thing of like shadow treads up to the sleigh. They all look as the sleigh just disappears and they all stare at it for a long time and they all go,

1:26:46 Cop: [haltingly] Yep, I guess that tow truck just got the Camry off to the impound… good, good, good, good.

1:26:55 Brennan: And they'll start to walk away.

1:26:57 Sofia: So embarrassing I used to live like that.

1:27:01 Brennan: Epona looks at you guys and says,

1:27:03 Epona: You, any of you all need a hand with anything or are you all alright?

1:27:07 Sofia: You got a bottle opener?

1:27:10 Epona: Bottle opener? No, I don't have a bottle opener.

1:27:12 Sofia: It's fine, I'll use my teeth.

1:27:14 Kugrash: Can’t have open containers. Don’t do it, man.

1:27:15 Sofia: We're magic, how about that. A magic aura hides my Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

1:27:16 Kugrash: She’s also magic.

1:27:18 Emily: And I open it with my teeth.

1:27:23 Epona: Okay, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket for that.

1:27:25 Sofia: Really?

1:27:27 Epona: Open container in Central Park.

1:27:27 Kugrash: She’s a cop.

1:27:28 Epona: I might be a centaur, but sometimes rules are rules.

1:27:32 Sofia: All right, I'll take the ticket.

1:27:35 Kugrash: You opened it right in front of a cop! What are you doing?

1:27:36 Brennan: And that's where we’re gonna end for this episode of the Unsleeping City. Tune in next week, we'll see you guys there. [NEXT EPISODE - Episode 3: Pigeon Plus Ones] [NEXT TIME ON DIMENSION 20]

1:27:42 Alejandro: This is a very special moment in the history of the Unsleeping City.

1:27:48 Sofia: Mario, what the fuck are you doing here?

1:27:50 Mario: Sofie, what the fuck are you doing here?

1:27:50 Kingston: Running up in a Mafia's wedding is not a good way to get answers. It’s a good way to get the shit kicked out of you. [Ally yelling]

1:27:56 Alejandro: Do not take it lightly that a wizard is in your debt.

1:28:00 Ally: I feel sad.

1:28:03 Sofia: [gasps] Something's going wrong—

1:28:03 High Voice: Ooh! You are too late, I am afraid! [upbeat music]

1:28:03 Captions extracted by: Janchovies

1:28:03 Edited by: terriblytumultuous, @friendemm, rowan solsys