Prompocalypse (Ep. 16)

0:00:00 Fig: Hey, Mom. How's Gorthalax?

0:00:02 Sandra Lynn: I'm so sorry, kiddo. It seems possible that he went back to hell.

0:00:06 Adaine: Did I become the next elven oracle?

0:00:09 Riz: Goldenhoard isn't on any of these lists. There's no Dragonborn that works at the school.

0:00:13 Fig: So, Kalvaxus is--

0:00:14 Riz: Is Goldenhoard.

0:00:15 Fig: Is Goldenhoard.

0:00:15 Brennan: You see teachers all over the school grounds getting sucked into what are disguised as cameras but are actually crystal palimpsests. You guys see videos of fires being set. If you elect to go fight and try to save them, you will give up half of your current hit points.

0:00:33 Zac: Yeah, I'm doing it for sure.

0:00:35 Emily: I mean, I have to do it, I don't know how I don't do it.

0:00:38 Sandra Lynn: I'm gonna go find those girls.

0:00:39 Brennan: She grabs her bow, swan dives through the window, lands on her griffin's back, and takes off into the sky.

0:00:45 Sandra Lynn: You got 'em, sweetheart!

0:00:46 Fig: Come back to the prom!

0:00:48 Riz: Mom?

0:00:48 Brennan: (mimics swoosh of preparing to fire an arquebus)

0:00:49 Murph: (chuckles)

0:00:49 Sklonda: This is Elmville, baby!

0:00:51 Brennan: And your mom cocks the gun.

0:00:53 Sklonda: Alright, you head there now, I'm gonna get the cruisers ready, I'll meet you there!

0:00:56 Bill: There he is. My darling boy.

0:00:59 Brennan: He takes his eye patch off, hands it to you.

0:01:03 Lou: I take it and then drop my sword deep into his heart.

0:01:05 Brennan: (makes blood squishing sound effect)

0:01:08 Bill: That's the way you do it, boy!

0:01:10 Brennan: You roar on the Hangman across town as Gorgug, Fig, Adaine, Kristen, and Riz all rush to the prom. The crowns are poised and Vice Principal Goldenhoard, as the sole chaperone, turns to look at you. [END RECAP] (suspenseful music) (owlbear screeches and roars)

0:01:30 Brennan: [energetically] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the final episode of Fantasy High! I'm Brennan Lee Mulligan. This is Miss Emily Axford.

0:01:38 Emily: [quietly] Fig.

0:01:47 Brennan: Mr. Zac Oyama.

0:01:48 Zac: [quietly] Gorgug.

0:01:50 Brennan: Miss Siobhan Thompson.

0:01:51 Siobhan: [quietly] Adaine.

0:01:51 Brennan: Mr. Lou Wilson.

0:01:53 Lou: [grandly] Fabian Seacaster.

0:01:54 Brennan: Miss Ally Beardsley.

0:01:55 Ally: I'm Kristen Applebees.

0:01:57 Brennan: And Mr. Brian Murphy.

0:01:59 Murph: Hello, intrepid adventurers! Heroes. Fuck. (players laughing)

0:02:03 Murph: Blew that bit.

0:02:06 Brennan: Guys, for the final time, say hi, intrepid heroes!

0:02:09 Players: Hi, intrepid heroes!

0:02:11 Murph: That's it.

0:02:13 Brennan: Goddammit. We are here at the gymnasium at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. Our heroes have just crashed the front doors. I will allow you guys to make some Perception or Insight checks. Pick your poison, tell me what you're rolling as you crash in.

0:02:30 Emily: I want to… Okay, I have a 14 and I wanna make sure that the crowns aren't on the heads quite yet.

0:02:39 Brennan: The crowns are about to be placed on the heads, not there yet.

0:02:41 Zac: I got a 17 Perception.

0:02:42 Siobhan: I got a 21 Perception.

0:02:44 Brennan: 17, 21.

0:02:45 Lou: 10--

0:02:45 Ally: 14 Perception.

0:02:46 Lou: 10 Perception.

0:02:47 Murph: 14 investigative.

0:02:48 Brennan: 14 investigative, okay. A 17 and a 21 Perception, Gorgug, you notice Ragh Barkrock over in the corner, still in his letter jacket. Make an Insight check.

0:02:55 Emily: Hmm!

0:02:59 Siobhan: Mm!

0:03:03 Zac: 18.

0:03:06 Brennan: Ragh has a black eye and looks very sad. Adaine, you clock Goldenhoard right over here by the food area.

0:03:19 Adaine: Guys, Goldendick's right over there! (players chuckle)

0:03:21 Fig: Goldenrod--

0:03:23 Brennan: It is combat. The first act in this combat is going to be Fig.

0:03:27 Emily: Okay, I'd like grab Gorgug and Dimension Door to where--

0:03:33 Ally: Oh, grab me, grab me!

0:03:34 Emily: No, no, no. I wanna grab Gorgug and Dimension Door to where they're about to put the crowns on.

0:03:39 Brennan: Is that within range of your spell?

0:03:40 Emily: It's 500 feet.

0:03:41 Brennan: (chuckles) Yeah, that'll do it.

0:03:43 Murph: (laughs) It's a big gym.

0:03:44 Emily: So, right where they're doing that.

0:03:47 Brennan: Fig, you reach over to Gorgug. (mimics explosion noise)

0:03:49 Emily: I say,

0:03:49 Fig: Sorry, trust me.

0:03:50 Ally: Oh, 'cause he goes next.

0:03:53 Brennan: Right here in the midst of all these Orc-ish musicians?

0:03:57 Emily: And then I wanna look at him and say

0:03:59 Fig: Grab the crown.

0:04:00 Emily: And then (chuckles) get on my skateboard and dash away.

0:04:05 Murph: (laughs loudly) That's so dope!

0:04:07 Brennan: (chuckles) Where do you dash to?

0:04:09 Emily: I'm gonna dash to the side that Ragh is on. Fucking sick kickflip!

0:04:16 Brennan: Four, five, six. (chuckles) So, rushing in, Fig, you were first to act, the memory of your mother flying away on her griffin is still fresh; you take your dope dwarven skateboard, boom! You and Gorgug appear on the stage in a flash of sulfur and brimstone, you kick, ollie, and shoot off the stage; Gorgug, it's your action.

0:04:33 Zac: Okay. I’m grabbing-- Well, okay, I'm not proud of this. Going for her crown versus his crown--

0:04:37 Murph: Wow, dude.

0:04:41 Zac: 'Cause I imagined she's--

0:04:43 Lou: In this climate? (girls laughing)

0:04:46 Zac: I'm going into a rage and I'm gonna grab her crown. (players laughing)

0:04:49 Brennan: Go ahead and make an opposed athletics check.

0:04:54 Emily: You can toss it to me if you want afterwards. You're way stronger and I can't--

0:04:58 Murph: Good call.

0:04:59 Zac: First one is 17 but I get advantage 'cause I'm-- and then a nat one, so, thank goodness.

0:05:04 Brennan: You reach out and yank the fucking crown away from Penelope (shocked gasp sound)

0:05:08 Siobhan: Sick.

0:05:11 Emily: Break it over your knee! Or you do whatever you want. It's magical. (chuckles)

0:05:18 Zac: I have four bombs. (Fig laughs) Can I just pull the pin on all of 'em, (Brennan laughs) and run?

0:05:27 Brennan: Right here on the stage?

0:05:29 Zac: Yeah.

0:05:32 Brennan: So, you can throw one at a time. (everyone chuckling)

0:05:35 Zac: Okay, never mind. It's not bandolier style?

0:05:37 Brennan: It's not like a bandolier where you can pull all the pins. You can definitely throw one down here on the stage, if you want to.

0:05:47 Zac: Yeah. I think I am. (chuckles) And I'm gonna run towards where Fig was.

0:05:56 Brennan: Cool. You have eight movement so that's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. You hurl your bomb and I’m gonna make dexterity saves for both of them.

0:06:09 Zac: It's 10 radius, right?

0:06:11 Brennan: Yeah, you can hit both of them, so there's one bomb and they're making--

0:06:14 Zac: Can I make an Insight check on if the band is bad?

0:06:17 Brennan: Make an Insight check.

0:06:19 Emily: (laughs)

0:06:21 Zac: Aw, that's only a 10.

0:06:24 Brennan: You honestly can't tell. You heard one of them on the way in here going,

0:06:29 Orcish band member: Everybody give it up for your prom king and queen!

0:06:34 Zac: Okay. Well, yeah, just at them, and I'm just running.

0:06:37 Brennan: Just at them, you're running, you're gonna make some saves… Go ahead and roll damage.

0:06:44 Zac: Okay.

0:06:44 Murph: Dope.

0:06:45 Brennan: You need some more dice?

0:06:47 Zac: 6d6.

0:06:48 Ally: Whoa!

0:06:49 Murph: Whoa!

0:06:49 Zac: Hell, yes.

0:06:52 Emily: Wait, six, there's six of us. Everyone get one!

0:06:54 Zac: Oh, yeah!

0:06:55 Murph: Oh, beautiful, beautiful.

0:06:56 Lou: It's our heart and soul. This is with us.

0:06:59 Murph: This bomb is all of us.

0:07:01 Ally: Wow, each bomb is that much?

0:07:04 Zac: Ooh! Six, six, five, one, and one, three. So, that is 12, 18, 19

0:07:15 Siobhan: 22.

0:07:19 Zac: 22.

0:07:20 Ally: Each?

0:07:22 Brennan: That's 22 damage. Dayne looks around and goes,

0:07:25 Dayne: Huh, babe!

0:07:28 Brennan: (mimics explosion sound) Blows up; he is-- doesn't look too badly injured but definitely got the full force of that blast. Penelope Everpetal raises a hand to you and says,

0:07:39 Penelope: If you wanna be cool, you should give my boyfriend my crown BACK!

0:07:46 Brennan: I'm gonna need you to make a wisdom saving throw and I'm going to need you to subtract 2d4 from the roll.

0:07:57 Zac: 2d4, and being in a rage does not help me right now?

0:08:02 Brennan: This is a--

0:08:04 Zac: It's not a charm?

0:08:04 Emily: Aren't you immune from being charmed?

0:08:06 Brennan: Mindless Rage! The spell does not work! (players cheer loudly) She says a bunch of shit to you and all you're hearing in your head is fucking Zelda's beautiful-- (mimics heavy-metal music sounds while Zac headbangs)

0:08:15 Zac: This music rules! (everyone laughs)

0:08:23 Brennan: Dayne Blade leaps (mimics whooshing sound) off the stage, rushes here.

0:08:29 Emily: Sorry to put you in the... (chuckles)

0:08:32 Zac: I'm happy to be in it.

0:08:33 Murph: Yeah, he's kinda gotta be, right?

0:08:35 Brennan: He makes a roll. (dice rattling) I'm gonna need you to beat a 23 on an athletics check.

0:08:51 Murph: C’mon Gorgug...

0:08:52 Lou: He does it, easy.

0:08:53 Siobhan: You got advantage.

0:08:54 Zac: So, the first one's only 13. Ooh!

0:08:59 Siobhan: Yes!

0:09:04 Zac: What'd I have to beat?

0:09:04 Brennan: 23

0:09:05 Zac: 26. (players cheer loudly)

0:09:06 Emily: Fuck you, Dayne!

0:09:08 Brennan: Dayne Blade runs over, grabs it, he's like,

0:09:10 Dayne: Let go of my girlfriend's crown, dude!

0:09:13 Gorgug: No! (everyone laughs)

0:09:16 Brennan: That is going to be… Riz, at the beginning of every one of your turns, I would like you roll for police. This round, if you roll a nat 20, your mom will show up.

0:09:27 Murph: Sweet!

0:09:28 Riz: Mom!

0:09:30 Murph: Nope.

0:09:31 Brennan: Alright! What do you do?

0:09:32 Murph: Okay. I am going to hop on back of the Hangman.

0:09:39 Lou: (scoffs) Presumptuous.

0:09:40 Murph: Yeah, and I say,

0:09:41 Riz: Captain Fabian and The Ball, let's do this, best friends! (everyone laughs)

0:09:46 Murph: And I wanna ready an action-- (Lou laughs loudly) I wanna ready an action so that whoever he attacks, I wanna poke out and sneak attack ‘em.

0:09:58 Brennan: Whoever attacks him you see--

0:09:59 Murph: Whoever he attacks.

0:10:00 Brennan: Gotcha.

0:10:01 Murph: On his turn.

0:10:02 Brennan: Incredible!

0:10:03 Lou: Incredible.

0:10:04 Brennan: That's going to be Kristen.

0:10:07 Ally: Great. Can I see what 60 feet looks like?

0:10:10 Brennan: You sure can. 60 feet is...

0:10:13 Lou: Oh, my God, The Ball. It’s too sweet.

0:10:15 Brennan: About to the half point of the gym.

0:10:21 Ally: Great. How many spaces do I get?

0:10:24 Brennan: Six, you can move six.

0:10:25 Ally: Okay. I'm gonna go one, two, three, four, five, six. Oh, dang, okay. I need someone to throw me or something.

0:10:35 Zac: But if you get there, you get 60 feet from there. Right, for a spell?

0:10:40 Ally: Yeah, but I need to reach the stage.

0:10:43 Lou: Could you--

0:10:43 Murph: Never mind.

0:10:44 Lou: How many people can the Hangman carry? If she readied an action, could we drag her? Could we get her to the halfway mark en route to somewhere else?

0:10:55 Brennan: You could take Kristen with you… If you make an acrobatics check to stay on the bike, you can do that.

0:11:03 Ally: Okay, cool. (Lou chuckles) Acrobatics, I have negative three!

0:11:07 Murph: You have a minus three.

0:11:08 Ally: What about athletics?

0:11:09 Siobhan: You know what, baby girl? Why don't you ready an action until I go?

0:11:14 Ally: Okay. I ready an action--

0:11:15 Zac: Baby girl. (Siobhan chuckles)

0:11:16 Ally: But before I do that, let's see. I cast Spirit Guardians.

0:11:20 Murph: Dope.

0:11:24 Brennan: Cool! Done deal.

0:11:27 Ally: Oh, then I can't ready an action right?

0:11:30 Brennan: You can actually just totally lower your initiative and go after Adaine, if you want.

0:11:35 Ally: Done, I would love to do that.

0:11:37 Brennan: Done deal.

0:11:37 Ally: Great.

0:11:38 Adaine: (a ding sound effect as she winks at Kristen)

0:11:39 Murph: You're self-consciously looking at Adaine.

0:11:41 Ally: I'm just like--

0:11:42 Brennan: Fabian, that'll be you.

0:11:43 Siobhan: I wink at her.

0:11:44 Lou: Alright.

0:11:44 Kristen: What does it mean? (Siobhan laughs)

0:11:45 Lou: With that 10 Perception check, am I able to tell if anyone is wearing the tuxedo from earlier or is bleeding out of the left hand--

0:11:56 Brennan: Not with a 10.

0:11:58 Lou: Okay, can I make another--

0:12:00 Brennan: Make another perception on your turn. Call it DC 15.

0:12:02 Lou: Great. Oh, my God! 13-- I got a 14--

0:12:08 Murph: Can I assist him? I wanna give him my magnifying glass.

0:12:10 Brennan: (chuckles) You give him your magnifying glass, you roll with advantage.

0:12:18 Lou: Oh, alright. Nope, it's still the--

0:12:18 Murph: Dammit!

0:12:18 Brennan: You do not see the person here in the hall.

0:12:21 Lou: Alright. Well, then, in that case, I'm not gonna let Gorgug get away with having all the fun. I'd like to drive the Hangman toward Dayne, get as close to Dayne as I can, all the while, if I can Teen Wolf it on top to jump off and attack him.

0:12:46 Brennan: Go ahead make me one more Perception check.

0:12:51 Lou: Okay. 10.

0:12:52 Brennan: 10 is the exact DC you needed. As you get closer, you are racing this thing like, "I don't spot him anywhere. Gorgug, where's Gorgug?" You see Dayne hefting his great sword with a bandage around his left hand.

0:13:03 Lou: Oh, yes! This is all so crazy. How fast are we-- We're going very fast, right?

0:13:11 Brennan: Incredibly fast.

0:13:14 Lou: (laughs) Can I yell to, what's his name, Ragh Barkrock as we ride past him?

0:13:22 Fabian: The fight is on! Hoot growl! (everyone laughs)

0:13:26 Brennan: Go ahead and make a Persuasion check for me!

0:13:27 Lou: Alright.

0:13:28 Siobhan: Don't you have advantage on that?

0:13:30 Lou: Do I have advantage on Persuasion?

0:13:31 Siobhan: Oh, no, Intimidation.

0:13:33 Lou: Oh, Intimidation. That's 11.

0:13:35 Brennan: 11. Ragh looks up at you so sad-looking and looks around at the fight starting. You leap off here, the Hangman rockets past; Riz you have a readied action. Do you leap off the Hangman or no?

0:13:51 Murph: I guess I'll stay on it.

0:13:52 Brennan: Cool. You stay on it. Incredible. Fabian, go ahead and take your attack.

0:14:03 Lou: Great. 11.

0:14:04 Brennan: 11's not gonna do it.

0:14:06 Lou: Great, and 22.

0:14:10 Brennan: 22 does it.

0:14:11 Lou: Oh, great. Hmmm hmhm. 11.

0:14:19 Brennan: (shwing sound effect of a sword) Your sword finds purchase, bam! You see Dayne whips around and says,

0:14:23 Dayne: Whoa, you? Fuck you, dude. Fucking wear a letter jacket on the first day, not even on the team!

0:14:30 Fabian: No, fuck you! (everyone chuckles)

0:14:33 Murph: And then I shoot him? (more chuckling)

0:14:35 Brennan: And you shoot him. Go for it.

0:14:37 Murph: I try to shoot him. That is a 20 to hit?

0:14:41 Brennan: 20 hits!

0:14:42 Murph: Dope.

0:14:44 Zac: Riz get sneak attack?

0:14:45 Murph: Yeah! 'Cause it's around other people.

0:14:48 Zac: Whoo!

0:14:50 Murph: C’mon, baby! (dice rattling)

0:14:51 Siobhan: Oh, my God!

0:14:53 Ally: Ooh!

0:14:55 Murph: Pretty good! 11, 15, 20, 22, 28 damage.

0:15:01 Brennan: Jesus Christ! You guys surround Dayne Blade with his Prom King crown on his head.

0:15:08 Emily: Well, first we bombed him.

0:15:09 Brennan: First you bombed him. (mimics flames whooshing) He's partially burned, he's got his little crown on his head, he's fucking holding the sword there. He swings around, bam, whoosh, slash, and is just surrounded on all sides. That's going to be Adaine's turn.

0:15:27 Siobhan: I do a little du-du-du and I cast fly on my girl Kristen.

0:15:33 Ally: Sick.

0:15:35 Siobhan: And then, I guess I go up here a little bit.

0:15:41 Brennan: Yeah, go for it!

0:15:41 Siobhan: As far as I can, which is about here, probably.

0:15:44 Brennan: Sure. Hell, yeah.

0:15:44 Siobhan: Right?

0:15:45 Brennan: Yup, great!

0:15:50 Siobhan: And that is, wait, hang on a second. Yeah, no, that's what I'll do.

0:15:59 Brennan: Rad. Kristen, that's going to be your turn!

0:16:00 Ally: Awesome.

0:16:01 Brennan: You feel yourself (mimics warbling sound-- Lou laughs) Adaine's eyes glow white. (mimics swooshing sound)

0:16:07 Ally: I fly… How far can I fly?

0:16:10 Brennan: 60, right?

0:16:11 Ally: Hell, yeah.

0:16:12 Brennan: So you can go--

0:16:12 Ally: Half court?

0:16:14 Brennan: Half court, yeah.

0:16:15 Ally: I fly, (Lou laughs) and as I'm right here, I cast Banishment on Penelope (Brennan whoops) and I send her to another plane of existence that's harmless, but she's incapacitated.

0:16:32 Brennan: Alright, hold on one second.

0:16:36 Lou: Guys, great wild first turn! (Siobhan laughs)

0:16:38 Ally: Yeah, I know! (chuckles)

0:16:39 Brennan: Truly wild!

0:16:41 Siobhan: Nobody else is done yet!

0:16:42 Murph: Remember the corn fight?

0:16:43 Ally: Yeah!

0:16:44 Lou: Yeah! Guys, I'd like to believe everyone is just standing in this prom, watching us just like--

0:16:49 Brennan: Vroom! Kristen flying over everyone's head, racing towards the stage. Penelope… What level spell is--

0:17:01 Ally: This is a fourth-level spell and she has to make a Charisma saving throw or be banished.

0:17:06 Brennan: Okay.

0:17:07 Zac: For how long?

0:17:08 Siobhan: For a minute.

0:17:09 Ally: Yeah, one minute.

0:17:10 Murph: It's 10 rounds.

0:17:10 Zac: Sheesh.

0:17:11 Murph: Should be helpful.

0:17:12 Brennan: First of all, Penelope goes, "Huh!" And throws a Counterspell at you if she rolls a 9 or higher.

0:17:18 Ally: Ooh!

0:17:22 Brennan: Your mighty cleric's spell blasts through the Counterspell, she makes her saving throw.

0:17:28 Ally: What does she have to hit for that? What's the Charisma--

0:17:30 Brennan: I believe, for you, it's 16, right?

0:17:32 Ally: Yeah, 16.

0:17:33 Brennan: Should be a 16. (dice rattle) And she resists the spell.

0:17:36 Ally: (sputters)

0:17:38 Zac: Fuck.

0:17:39 Emily: Nice try, man.

0:17:40 Murph: At least she burned a Counterspell.

0:17:43 Lou: Great idea, dude.

0:17:43 Emily: Yeah, that's true!

0:17:45 Lou: Dope as hell, dude.

0:17:46 Murph: Counterspell’s a, like, level four or five?

0:17:47 Lou: I mean, at the end of the day, you’re still flying over the gym.

0:17:49 Ally: Yeah! (chuckles)

0:17:51 Lou: Remember when we fought the corn? (chuckles)

0:17:54 Ally: Don't got a lot of spells left!

0:17:57 Brennan: You see Vice Principal Goldenhoard. (suspenseful, tense music) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. (moving the vice principal’s mini)

0:18:07 Murph: (off camera) Oh, shit.

0:18:12 Zac: (off camera) Oh, fuck.

0:18:17 Lou: Fig, why are we so close to you?

0:18:17 Brennan: I'm gonna need you, my man Gorgug, to go ahead and make an opposed athletics check. You have to beat a 24.

0:18:25 Zac: 'Kay.

0:18:29 Murph: C'mon, Gorgug.

0:18:33 Zac: First one's 18. (sighs) 18's the higher one.

0:18:41 Brennan: Striding, boom, boom! Goldenhoard says,

0:18:44 Goldenhoard: Ah, young students who've decided to show yourselves! (grunts)

0:18:49 Brennan: Leaps up with the cricket bat, brings it to your face-- does not strike your face but uses the moment of distraction to snatch the crown from your hand, and hurls it to Penelope.

0:19:04 Zac: Right in front of Dayne, right?

0:19:09 Brennan: That is going to be the students and the band. You see that one of the orcs grabs the mic and says,

0:19:17 Orcish band member: Alright, everybody out of the gym! Let's go, gang!

0:19:19 Brennan: (chuckles) You see all these students begin to rush about willy-nilly, (people screaming sound effect) all just freaking out and trying to figure out what's happening, you see some rush over to the food tables to grab as much food as they can before whatever happens, happens. You see the band begins to very quickly pack up their instruments, they're going like, "Go, go, go!" Click click click click click click click click, cases going together, grabbing amps and stuff like that.

0:19:33 Siobhan: Okay, so they weren't too bad.

0:19:47 Zac: Something bad's going to happen?

0:19:48 Siobhan: Maybe.

0:19:50 Brennan: Fig, that's gonna be your turn.

0:19:52 Emily: How does Dayne look? How fucked up does he look?

0:19:56 Brennan: Rough, he looks rough.

0:19:58 Emily: Okay. Then I'm going to reckless shred, which means he'll have disadvantage on his saving throw, and cast Dissonant Whispers, third level, on him.

0:20:13 Brennan: Ooh, baby. His disadvantage on his saving throw fails miserably.

0:20:18 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:20:22 Emily: (claps) Okay, can I borrow four d6s?

0:20:28 Siobhan: Nice.

0:20:30 Lou: Great catch.

0:20:30 Siobhan: Really great.

0:20:31 Emily: I need one more.

0:20:32 Zac: That's four-- Oh.

0:20:33 Emily: I meant-- I need one more. Okay, I hit him for (chuckles) not great, but 15.

0:20:44 Brennan: He goes (guitar shredding and yells) and moves as far away as he can on his reaction here to the corner. That's gonna be reactions from Gorgug, Fabian, and Riz; you guys all get opportunities. Okay.

0:20:52 Murph: Holy shit.

0:20:57 Emily: Sick.

0:21:01 Zac: With my attack, can I try to knock the crown off his head? (chuckles)

0:21:07 Brennan: Sure, you can try to knock the crown off his head, yeah.

0:21:09 Lou: Does 17 hit?

0:21:10 Brennan: 17 hits.

0:21:11 Lou: With the Sentinel reaction, his movement is zero after I hit him, so I guess he can't move?

0:21:20 Brennan: I would actually say, if he's here and attempts it, everybody still gets the same attack of opportunity so I think he's just frozen and you guys all get your attacks on him.

0:21:31 Zac: I got a 17 as well.

0:21:32 Murph: I got a 20.

0:21:33 Brennan: 17, 20? You guys all hit.

0:21:37 Ally: Jesus!

0:21:38 Zac: Oh, yeah, so.

0:21:42 Lou: Eight.

0:21:43 Zac: 13.

0:21:44 Murph: 14, 16, 19, 20, 26.

0:21:51 Zac: Does my-- I got a 13, but--

0:21:54 Brennan: You want to knock the crown off his head.

0:21:55 Zac: Yes.

0:21:57 Brennan: You are not sure if this will affect the prophecy or not, 'cause the wording of the prophecy is specific as the crown thing. So, you can choose to deal the damage directly to him or you knock the crown off.

0:22:11 Murph: He’s kind of already been — crowned, right?

0:22:13 Zac: Hm. Hmmm. I'm gonna do a damage.

0:22:14 Brennan: Do the damage? Awesome. You see, you go (mimics electronic guitar warble). Hit this chord, he goes,

0:22:21 Dayne: Oh no, that music is too powerful!

0:22:25 Brennan: Takes a step back; Fabian, you slam the sword of the Seacasters through his foot, nailing him to the spot. Gorgug, you slash his stomach open as you blast his brains out from behind. Dayne is fucking dead, baby! (players laughing)

0:22:34 Emily: (off camera) Shit!

0:22:39 Siobhan: Fuck you, man!

0:22:42 Ally: Fuck!

0:22:44 Emily: Does it take an action for me to steal his shadow?

0:22:49 Brennan: It may.

0:22:51 Emily: Okay.

0:22:51 Brennan: Go ahead and look that up, and I'll let you do it if you can do it as a reaction. You see that Ragh looks at you and goes, (dramatic rumbling)

0:23:01 Ragh: (growls) No!

0:23:05 Brennan: Rushes forward--

0:23:07 Zac: Ragh, Dayne sucks! (laughs)

0:23:09 Ally: Ooh! I know what's going on here.

0:23:13 Brennan: (laughs) I'm gonna need you to make an opposed Athletics check.

0:23:18 Zac: Okay. Not that one.

0:23:23 Brennan: 25's what you gotta beat.

0:23:24 Emily: Yup, using a reaction, so I steal his shadow. (mystical whoosh sound effect)

0:23:26 Brennan: Go for it, yup.

0:23:27 Zac: I got a 23.

0:23:30 Brennan: Ragh grapples you to the ground and then hits you for first--

0:23:35 Murph: I should've fucking killed that dude. Just kill everyone we take hostage.

0:23:42 Brennan: 14 halved to seven, and then 11 halved to five.

0:23:47 Zac: I'm at 50.

0:23:52 Brennan: He's going, (grunts) hitting you as hard as he can. That is going to be Gorgug's turn.

0:24:05 Zac: (sighs) Can I just make a Persuasion check? First? Does that take my action?

0:24:12 Brennan: I'll let you do it instead of movement, how about it? So, you can do an action and then a movement.

0:24:17 Emily: Yeah, you're right in front of Goldenrod. So you wouldn't need to move if you wanted to attack him.

0:24:21 Zac: Well, I just wanted to stop the crown thing.

0:24:24 Emily: Oh, yeah!

0:24:25 Zac: Because she’s got-- The crown is flying through the air at her?

0:24:29 Brennan: Yeah, she's reaching her hand out for it as it's flying through the air.

0:24:34 Zac: If I try to get up and throw a… (chuckles)

0:24:36 Siobhan: Just do it!

0:24:37 Zac: Throw a hand ax, can I do both of those things?

0:24:41 Brennan: You have to beat Ragh at a grapple to escape the grapple.

0:24:43 Zac: Okay.

0:24:44 Siobhan: Does Ragh have to roll in that grapple as well?

0:24:49 Brennan: He does but he rolls with advantage because he's raging.

0:24:54 Zac: Okay. I'm going to try to get out first.

0:24:57 Brennan: Okay, you have to beat a… (suspenseful music)

0:24:58 Ally: A nat 20?

0:25:03 Brennan: You have to beat a nat 20. Have to roll a nat 20.

0:25:07 Zac: C'mon, bitch, c'mon. 16. (Emily groans) 13.

0:25:09 Emily: Dammit!

0:25:10 Brennan: You were unable to get it, you still have your action.

0:25:14 Zac: Okay. I'm just gonna start attacking him from here, 'cause I'm mad. (chuckles)

0:25:18 Brennan: Cool.

0:25:23 Zac: 22. And then, you said I should roll all my--

0:25:27 Brennan: 22 hits.

0:25:28 Zac: Alright. I'll just keep rolling my other attacks. 18?

0:25:34 Brennan: Sorry, 22 and 18?

0:25:35 Zac: Yeah.

0:25:35 Brennan: 18 hits as well.

0:25:36 Zac: And then, 16.

0:25:40 Brennan: All three hit.

0:25:41 Zac: Okay, cool. Nine. Wait, what was that? Yeah, nine, and then 10. Ooh.

0:25:49 Siobhan: Ooh!

0:25:56 Zac: And then 19.

0:26:01 Brennan: Nine, 10, and 19?

0:26:02 Zac: 19 and 19, so, 38?

0:26:07 Brennan: (laughs softly) Jesus Christ.

0:26:09 Lou: We're monsters.

0:26:11 Siobhan: (laughs)

0:26:11 Ally: Yeah!

0:26:12 Brennan: You try to get out of the grapple, doesn't work, he's just weeping, he's like,

0:26:17 Ragh: Dayne was the coolest, dude! (mimics punching sound)

0:26:19 Zac: He sucks!

0:26:21 Brennan: Bam, bam, bam! Ax across his chest, (groans loudly) Ragh screams in pain.

0:26:26 Zac: Is that half 'cause he's raging, or no?

0:26:28 Brennan: It looks like it; even halved, (chuckles) 38 is a fair amount of damage. Penelope Everpetal places the crown on her head.

0:26:35 Siobhan: Shit. (suspenseful, eerie music)

0:26:42 Brennan: Strides over here to the front of the stage and lifts a hand.

0:26:47 Zac: Fuck.

0:26:51 Brennan: I'm gonna need Kristen to make a Dexterity saving throw.

0:26:53 Ally: Cool.

0:26:55 Siobhan: Oh, no.

0:26:57 Ally: Do I get anything on this? (groans) Not good. Six.

0:27:24 Brennan: Nine, 11, 26… You take 36 points of fire damage.

0:27:25 Ally: Jesus!

0:27:27 Brennan: Penelope raises her hand, not even fighting smart at this point, ignores this whole crowd of people, and hits just Kristen with a fireball (makes shooting noise)

0:27:39 Penelope: Trying to banish me? I am the fucking Prom Queen! I let them put my best friend in that crystal! You think you're gonna take this from me? My moment? Fuck you!

0:27:52 Brennan: (makes blasting noise) And is surrounded by energy on all sides. Arcane magic swirling around her. That is going to be Dayne.

0:28:05 Zac: Who's dead, right?

0:28:07 Brennan: (long pause) Who's dead as a doornail. Sometimes you make a villain and they die in the first two rounds. Did you guys know that? (players laughing)

0:28:16 Brennan: Sometimes they just die right away.

0:28:17 Zac: I know it now.

0:28:18 Brennan: (chuckles) Now you know it! That is going to be Riz.

0:28:24 Murph: Okay.

0:28:26 Lou: (chuckles) Still on the back of a Hangman.

0:28:27 Murph: I'm still on the Hangman.

0:28:29 Lou: The ship is yours, The Ball.

0:28:31 Brennan: (laughs)

0:28:33 Lou: Whatever you'd have it do.

0:28:34 Murph: Appreciate that, appreciate that. Okay, so it seems like they've been crowned.

0:28:40 Lou: Yes.

0:28:41 Murph: He needs to behold his treasure, I'm wondering if I should try to...

0:28:47 Siobhan: Blind him?

0:28:48 Murph: Blind him somehow. 'Cause they've been crowned. I don't know how much it's gonna help to knock him down now.

0:28:53 Ally: Yeah.

0:28:54 Murph: Cool.

0:28:55 Siobhan: Yeah, go for the eyes.

0:28:56 Murph: (groans) What the fuck could I do to him that would blind him? I'm not very athletic or anything.

0:29:02 Ally: Hold your magnifying glass up to the sun! (chuckles)

0:29:06 Siobhan: Shoot him the eye, dude!

0:29:08 Murph: Yeah, I think that's just gonna do damage. Maybe I should just go after Penelope there. Alright, I am, I guess… I'll leave the Hangman for my boy Fabian and I'm just going to, oh, but I won't get to sneak attack on her.

0:29:25 Ally: Put her in your briefcase.

0:29:27 Lou: I'm also thinking about attacking Penelope.

0:29:29 Zac: Do you roll for the police?

0:29:30 Lou: Oh, yeah.

0:29:31 Murph: Oh, you know what? Yeah, I do, right? Brennan, I roll to see if the police come?

0:29:36 Brennan: Roll for the police. 19 or 20 does it.

0:29:38 Murph: 13, fuck.

0:29:38 Ally: It looked like a 19.

0:29:39 Murph: Okay, I think maybe I'll ready an action again to wait for Fabian, I'll attack who he attacks. That way I get to sneak attack.

0:29:46 Lou: Is there any chance you have a feel for what the aura is or the nature of the aura?

0:29:51 Murph: Yeah, can I check her out?

0:29:52 Brennan: Of the aura around her? Yeah, go for it.

0:29:56 Murph: Uh, 21.

0:29:57 Brennan: On a-- what kind of roll is this?

0:29:59 Murph: I did Investigate. (dramatic music)

0:30:00 Brennan: Investigate. You see a ruby necklace hanging around her neck. (gasps all around)

0:30:06 Riz: She's got your dad!

0:30:08 Ally: Was that her best friend?

0:30:13 Emily: What?

0:30:13 Siobhan: No! It's Sam Nightingale!

0:30:13 Ally: I'm down to a five! I burned to a crisp and I'm in the air, I'm like an advertisement for chicken.

0:30:17 Zac: (laughs)

0:30:20 Murph: Cool, so I'll attack whoever Fabian attacks.

0:30:22 Siobhan: What chicken adverts are you watching?

0:30:24 Ally: It's just like if you went to prom and there's a dangling chicken leg?

0:30:26 Siobhan: What prom did you go to?

0:30:28 Emily: Is that the glittering bounty?

0:30:34 Zac: Think it's your dad.

0:30:35 Emily: No, no, no, but is that what he needs to behold?

0:30:38 Murph : Holy shit.

0:30:40 Siobhan: Oh, shit.

0:30:42 Zac: Who knows?

0:30:42 Lou: Well.

0:30:43 Murph: Okay, when do you go in? Are you next?

0:30:46 Lou: I think I'm after Adaine.

0:30:47 Brennan: No, actually it's Fabian.

0:30:48 Lou: Oh, fantastic.

0:30:49 Murph: Great, so yeah, I'll go with you.

0:30:51 Lou: I would like the Hangman to drive in front of the stage, I would like to run and jump off of the Hangman and attempt to grapple Penelope Everpetal.

0:31:04 Brennan: Hell, yeah! You leap on the Hangman (makes zipping noise), it pulls to the front, you leap off, go ahead and make an Athletics check, we'll call it a DC 10.

0:31:09 Lou: Great.

0:31:12 Brennan: Done.

0:31:13 Lou: Done.

0:31:14 Brennan: You leap off, go ahead and make an opposed Athletics, you have to beat a 1.

0:31:19 Siobhan: (laughs)

0:31:25 Lou: Well, I do handily.

0:31:27 Brennan: So, Fabian, broad-shouldered, athletic, powerful, leaps from the back of the Hangman. Penelope, a five-foot-two Prom Queen, (players laughing) in a bright pink dress, summoning all of her magical energy.

0:31:40 Penelope: This is my moment!

0:31:43 Brennan: Whap! Bam! Evil is real and Penelope is no joke. She's a powerful sorceress. Nobody feels great about what they just saw. (players laughing) Even Goldenhoard goes,

0:31:57 Goldenhoard: Ooh, Jesus Christ! (players laughing) No, no, no.

0:32:02 Brennan: Penelope is taken to the ground.

0:32:04 Emily: Cover her ruby with your bod.

0:32:05 Lou: Uh--

0:32:07 Ally: With your bod!

0:32:10 Siobhan: Rub yourself up against her, dude! (players chuckle) That's the second time you grappled a woman!

0:32:13 Brennan: That’s gonna be-- You have one sword attack if you want.

0:32:19 Lou: Yes. (laughs)

0:32:19 Brennan: Yeah, go for it!

0:32:21 Lou: At this point, I killed my father today. Yes! (players laughing)

0:32:24 Lou: (scoffs) 11?

0:32:26 Murph: Does he get advantage because she's prone?

0:32:28 Lou: Oh, yeah, do I get advantage 'cause she's prone?

0:32:31 Brennan: Yeah, you get advantage 'cause she's prone, yeah, for sure.

0:32:34 Lou: 20, a modified 20.

0:32:36 Brennan: Yes, correct, you hit.

0:32:41 Lou: 10.

0:32:42 Brennan: You (makes slashing sound) slash across her arm with the sword of the Seacasters, she goes,

0:32:47 Penelope: You fucking psycho!

0:32:48 Fabian: Yes! Yes!

0:32:49 Brennan: (laughs) With a little flash of Bill!

0:32:52 Ally: Yeah, psycho! (players laughing)

0:32:54 Murph: And then I'm going to jump off the Hangman with my sword of shadows and yell,

0:33:00 Riz: I know this looks bad but she's evil!

0:33:03 Brennan: (laughs)

0:33:05 Murph: Oh, my God, I rolled so bad! 16? She's prone, right?

0:33:10 Brennan: She is prone, but she uses the Shield spell to raise her AC. That is going to be Riz, Fabian; Adaine, that'll be you.

0:33:23 Adaine: Shit, I'm so fucking far away.

0:33:28 Murph: At least I'm off the Hangman, right?

0:33:30 Zac: Is it spell centering?

0:33:31 Lou: You're a fucking badass!

0:33:33 Siobhan: I guess I'm gonna cast fly on myself and do a double movement to get to the stage.

0:33:38 Brennan: You're gonna drop the concentration on--

0:33:41 Siobhan: Oh, shit, if I do that?

0:33:42 Brennan: On Kristen if you did that.

0:33:42 Siobhan: Okay, yeah.

0:33:43 Ally: Well, I wish you had this teddy bear.

0:33:46 Siobhan: How far is 100 feet?

0:33:51 Brennan: 100 is even more than this. This is up to 80, so 100 would be four more squares from here, so, one, two, three, like here.

0:34:00 Siobhan: Okay. Could I get to here and hit Goldenhoard?

0:34:10 Brennan: Yeah, if you take your full movement, you can hit Goldenhoard.

0:34:12 Siobhan: I just wanna make sure that there's nobody else in the way, because I wanna do lightning bolt and I don't wanna hit anybody else.

0:34:23 Brennan: This is against the rules but I don't care. Make a DC 15 Arcana check 'cause you have the Spell Sniper feat and that sounds like it would do that.

0:34:29 Siobhan: Great. (dice rattle) Nope.

0:34:33 Zac: How 'bout resistance of thunder damage?

0:34:33 Siobhan: Okay.

0:34:34 Brennan: You are going to hit some students or somebody to try to hit him with a lightning bolt.

0:34:42 Siobhan: Okay, well, that's the risk you take when you go to the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. (players laughing)

0:34:48 Lou: Amen, amen!

0:34:49 Siobhan: I yell as I do it,

0:34:52 Adaine: Come on, fellow students, are you men or are you mice? (Brennan laughing) Get on the fucking right team!

0:34:59 Siobhan: And then I cast Lightning Bolt towards Goldenhoard.

0:35:06 Brennan: Rad! He and Ragh are both gonna make some saves here. What's the DC on that?

0:35:14 Siobhan: My DC is 15.

0:35:18 Brennan: Okay.

0:35:20 Siobhan: And it's a Dexterity saving throw.

0:35:22 Brennan: Go ahead and roll damage.

0:35:24 Siobhan: Great, so it's 8d6.

0:35:26 Zac: Eight?

0:35:29 Brennan: Need some more d6s?

0:35:32 Siobhan: Yes. (chuckles)

0:35:34 Lou: And my d6.

0:35:35 Siobhan: And then also, I'll do this twice. Great.

0:35:39 Zac: Oh, nice.

0:35:39 Siobhan: Oh, shit.

0:35:40 Zac: Or bad?

0:35:41 Siobhan: No, good. Uh, 17, 20, 22, 24, 28.

0:35:53 Brennan: Ragh gets it full force across the back. Goldenhoard dodged to the side, clips across his face; you don't see a facial reaction. You injured him and it seems like a day in the fucking park.

0:36:06 Emily: Who, Goldenrod?

0:36:08 Brennan: Goldenhoard, yup.

0:36:11 Siobhan: I can do a Misty Step, right?

0:36:15 Brennan: Not two spells in the same round. Lightning Bolt is taken care of.

0:36:18 Siobhan: Right, it's 'cause it's two steps, okay, great.

0:36:21 Brennan: That is going to be Kristen!

0:36:26 Ally: Great. I have something that heals half health, right? Half hit points or--

0:36:31 Murph: Yeah. Preserve Life?

0:36:32 Brennan: Preserve Life, yes. So, that can heal you up to half. And I think it's five times level, so you can heal up to 40 hit points with that.

0:36:40 Ally: Cool. And no one else is hurt, right?

0:36:44 Murph: Who else is below--

0:36:45 Zac: I mean we're all kinda, I'm at 50 and my max is 112.

0:36:48 Ally: So, that's five people within 30 feet. Am I 30 feet from these people if I fly over them?

0:36:54 Brennan: Yeah, you can fly over them, you can do that.

0:36:55 Murph: 'Cause you're at five, you should heal yourself.

0:36:57 Ally: Yeah, I'm definitely gonna heal myself and four other people.

0:36:59 Murph: And then you can just throw Zac a couple other--

0:37:00 Zac: Doesn’t your ability give you some healing when you heal other people?

0:37:04 Brennan: Cool!

0:37:05 Murph: 'Cause nobody else is at half.

0:37:07 Ally: But we all came in at half from helping our parents.

0:37:10 Emily: No, 'cause he healed me, I don't need anything.

0:37:13 Murph: We also had bonus hit points 'cause of you.

0:37:14 Ally: Oh, yeah, right.

0:37:14 Murph: So, only the people who have been attacked here are under halfway.

0:37:18 Brennan: Right, so who's been damaged?

0:37:20 Zac: I'm at 50 but I could use a little bit.

0:37:22 Brennan: Just you two, So, just you two.

0:37:24 Ally: Cool, okay! So then I give myself 35 and then I also take… I get an extra 10 from auto-heals. (soft ding) So that's 45, which brings me up to 50 because I was at five. And then...

0:37:33 Murph: It's only Gorgug.

0:37:42 Zac: How much do I get, 15, is that what you're saying?

0:37:46 Brennan: You did 30 to yourself so you get 10.

0:37:47 Zac: Okay.

0:37:48 Brennan: Does that makes sense? You had 40 to split up amongst people.

0:37:50 Ally: Oh, gotcha. Okay, cool.

0:37:52 Zac: That's still very helpful, thank you.

0:37:55 Ally: Cool! And then, could I actually have changed that to fly to up here and still help Gorgug?

0:38:01 Brennan: Oh, sure, you can actually land up here on this walkway.

0:38:03 Ally: Yeah, I wanna get hidden, and then, can I duck or is that an action?

0:38:08 Brennan: You can try-- you can't really hide on your turn, you can give yourself cover.

0:38:13 Ally: Cool. I do that.

0:38:17 Brennan: Goldenhoard takes a full disengage. (suspenseful music) Moves out to right here.

0:38:21 Murph: Oh, fuck.

0:38:26 Brennan: He's looking right past you, Adaine. Takes a little crystal clicker-- : Oh, shit.

0:38:32 Brennan: Out from his thing and goes,

0:38:35 Goldenhoard: I have waited so very long.

0:38:41 Brennan: Click! (makes exploding noise) (explosion echoes) Except, farther away, through the open doors of the gym, down across the yard, over the little hedge, you see the KVX Bank that they built next to the school.

0:38:50 Emily: That’s his— yeah.

0:38:59 Brennan: The top of the bank explodes, the walls crumble, (rocks clattering) and the largest mountain of gold you have ever seen stands before you. Goldenhoard goes,

0:39:26 Goldenhoard: [laughs maniacally] This rules!

0:39:31 Emily: Shit.

0:39:33 Zac: Oh, no! (thrilling music)

0:39:35 Zac: It's so big. He’s moving so much stuff around.

0:39:37 Siobhan: Oh, no, my God! Brennan brings out a very very large red dragon figurine, which is still wearing a suit and tie. [screams]

0:39:38 Ally: No!

0:39:38 Siobhan: Oh, my fucking God!

0:39:39 Brennan: He immediately crushes and flattens the two students underneath him. (placing down the mini) Boom! (loud boom echoes)

0:39:50 Kalvaxus: (deeper, raspy) Ah, yes! The emperor of The Red Waste has returned! The time is now for a new age of fire and conquest, and money, money, money for me! Rich once more! I am the trustee and I shall pay my dividends to myself!

0:40:19 Fig: That's a wafting metaphor, dude.

0:40:21 Emily: Whew!

0:40:22 Siobhan: Yeah, dude.

0:40:23 Ally: Fuck.

0:40:24 Murph: Everybody spread out.

0:40:25 Emily: For a dragon, poetic.

0:40:26 Brennan: [chuckles] I am going to need (makes whooshing noises, imitating dragon wings flapping), I'm gonna need everybody here to roll a Wisdom saving throw.

0:40:46 Lou: It's not fear, is it?

0:40:48 Brennan: It is fear.

0:40:48 Zac: Oh, okay, good. Thank you. (laughs)

0:40:50 Lou: Thank fucking God.

0:40:51 Ally: 23.

0:40:51 Lou: 'Cause I rolled a 5.

0:40:53 Zac: I had a 10.

0:40:53 Emily: 18.

0:40:53 Brennan: 23 from Kristen?

0:40:55 Siobhan: I got an 11.

0:40:56 Brennan: What did Fig get?

0:40:57 Emily: 18.

0:40:59 Ally: (looking at Murph’s dice) Yes!

0:41:00 Murph: 20.

0:41:01 Zac: Nat 20?

0:41:01 Murph: No nat 20, 19, so 20.

0:41:04 Brennan: (rumbling, tense music) Erupting from his humanoid form, the dragon, Kalvaxus, Emperor of The Red Waste, spreads his mighty wings inside the gymnasium, completely ruining this year's prom. (players chuckling)

0:41:23 Brennan: The theme A Knight to Remember will indeed be a night to remember. But with not the K, just a regular night to remember.

0:41:29 Zac: Yes.

0:41:34 Siobhan: We got it. Good pun.

0:41:36 Brennan: Thank you, thank you. Gorgug, I'm going to need you to make an Insight check.

0:41:45 Zac: Fucking 2; no, wait,4.

0:41:47 Brennan: 4?

0:41:48 Zac: (puts his face in his hands, laughing) Goddammit! (players chuckling)

0:41:50 Lou: No. (shaking his head) No.

0:41:55 Brennan: It's all been leading to this moment. The pieces all fall into place. Numbers, moments, memories.

0:42:09 Goldenhoard: You shouldn't give him your flower. He doesn't deserve to be your friend.

0:42:15 Brennan: What a caring thing to say. The exact kind of thing that a father would say to a son. That's why he wasn't there. Your father has been the villain this whole time.

0:42:27 Gorgug: Of course!

0:42:29 Brennan: It is the story of the hero's journey. You must defeat your father in combat. You must lay low he who cast darkness and doubt over your life. Gorgug, this is your dad.

0:42:51 Gorgug: (unthreateningly) Father, stop this! (players laughing)

0:42:54 Kalvaxus: What?

0:42:55 Gorgug: Quit it, Dad!

0:42:57 Kalvaxus: What? What are you talking about?

0:42:59 Gorgug: You t— my d— uh… You’re my da— (tense music)

0:43:00 Kalvaxus: This is exactly what I'm talking about! The last time I reigned, they sent the Queen and her best heroes! I get the fucking B Squad? I get the loser patrol? Give me a break! You got this kid, (gestures to Kristen) who's completely confused and clumsy, no idea what the fuck is going on, the only thing special about you is that some god decided you were special randomly!

0:43:28 Kristen: No.

0:43:29 Kalvaxus: We got this kid (gestures to Adaine) who, I can see from you shaking in your boots right now, you're not clever enough for the library, and you're not brave enough for the world! This kid, (gestures to Fabian) you, your father is more man than you'll ever be, and I'll tell you what else, you will only be a pale, soft reflection of him. And then this kid (points to Fig) — so unlovable that your father would rather go to Hell than stay with you! (music stops)

0:43:59 Fig: Could you please stop flirting with me? It is so— Goldenrod... (players laughing)

0:44:05 Kalvaxus: Young lady--

0:44:07 Fig: You might have a jail cell waiting for you. (fanning herself) Also,

0:44:09 Kalvaxus: My God!

0:44:12 Fig: No offense, I kind of am seeing someone.

0:44:16 Kalvaxus: I am a full-grown dragon! I'm going to eat you—

0:44:21 Fig: Oh, my God!

0:44:22 Kalvaxus: No, no, no, no! You're making a sexual--

0:44:24 Fig: (wide-eyed, laughing) I'm not ready for that!

0:44:25 Kalvaxus: [roars indignantly] (players laughing)

0:44:27 Kalvaxus: You're making this sexual! We do not have a thing!

0:44:31 Brennan: You see, he goes, (dramatic organ music)

0:44:34 Kalvaxus: This kid thinks I'm his fucking dad.

0:44:39 Gorgug: Are you?

0:44:40 Kalvaxus: Idiot, freak, loser! (points to Riz) And a Ball.

0:44:45 Riz: The Ball, bitch! (players laughing)

0:44:48 Kalvaxus: And I'll tell you what, Ball. As you know from my binding, I was forbidden from harming Solesian citizens. Your father had to renounce his citizenship when he entered the service. Riz shakes his head.

0:45:12 Kalvaxus: Devouring him was the greatest joy I have known these past 300 years.

0:45:20 Riz: It's gonna feel so good when I shoot you with his goddamn gun! (dragon snarls)

0:45:28 Brennan: Adaine, you are gripped with terror. Students, they fucking flee, just flee, screaming.

0:45:35 Fabian: Fucking pussies!

0:45:38 Fig: Woooow, you all belong in Mumple.

0:45:42 Riz: Don't you take adventuring classes?

0:45:44 Gorgug: What is your life if not this?

0:45:48 Brennan: Hold on. (shifts Kalvaxus’ mini out of the way to move other minis) Yeah, thanks.

0:45:50 Zac: (helping Brennan move minis) Is this helpful?

0:45:51 Brennan: This is helpful.

0:45:51 Zac: They knocked some fruit off the table.

0:45:53 Brennan: Oh, yeah, it's fucking chaos over here.

0:45:56 Emily: It does look like a great spread of food.

0:45:59 Zac: Too many bananas.

0:46:00 Lou: (pointing to a mini) Can this one guy stay?

0:46:01 Siobhan: (crosstalk) Definitely too many bananas for a prom.

0:46:02 Murph: (crosstalk) Can that one guy still be milling around?

0:46:02 Emily: That is like super weird to eat— and be at a school day.

0:46:05 Brennan: One dude is still there milling around. (players laughing)

0:46:08 Zac: Should I take him?

0:46:09 Siobhan: No, just leave him. He’s like, still eating an apple.

0:46:10 Murph: He’s milling around.

0:46:11 Lou: He passed his Wisdom saving throw. (laughs)

0:46:14 Brennan: These orcs start frantically trying to get some more of their gear. Actually, no, no, the orcs fully abandon their gear and run. Their gear is scattered across the stage.

0:46:27 Zac: “My dad gave me this cymbal.”

0:46:31 Brennan: (laughs) That is going to go back to Fig. Fig, unfortunately, 18 was not high enough.

0:46:37 Murph: Oh, shit.

0:46:38 Emily: What?

0:46:38 Brennan: 18 was not a high enough roll; the DC for that check was 19.

0:46:40 Ally: Wow.

0:46:42 Zac: To do what?

0:46:44 Emily: Fucking kidding me?

0:46:45 Brennan: I am not kidding you. After your salty barbs for Goldenhoard, you see that he turns to face you and goes,

0:46:55 Kalvaxus: Come to think of it, maybe we should have a thing, you and I.

0:47:02 Fig: I'm more into dwarves.

0:47:04 Brennan: Speaking of which, you drop your dwarven skateboard (wheels rolling) and flee under the frightened condition. So you have to take a full turn trying to escape, that's dragon fear. You make it all the way out the door on your skateboard. At the end of your turn, you can make another saving throw.

0:47:22 Emily: So, I had to use my whole action to flee, but now it's the end of my turn, so I can make another saving throw?

0:47:26 Brennan: Your whole action was fleeing, now you may make another Wisdom saving throw. You're trying to get 19.

0:47:34 Emily: Fuck. I'm fucked. [rolls] I got it! (players laughing)

0:47:35 Brennan: Are you for real?

0:47:38 Emily: Yeah, I got exactly 19!

0:47:40 Brennan: Insane!

0:47:42 Emily: So, I run around and then I'm like,

0:47:45 Fig: Just kidding, bitch. (players cheering)

0:47:46 Ally: And you do a (mimics wheels screeching) on the skateboard.

0:47:51 Brennan: If somebody would like to go ahead and put Miss Faeth over by Adaine.

0:47:58 Lou: Ooh, oh I've got an idea.

0:48:01 Siobhan: Good, I love ideas.

0:48:04 Brennan: That is going to be now Ragh, who's going to keep swinging at--

0:48:13 Emily: So, can I not use a bonus action or anything like that? Or was that my whole--

0:48:20 Brennan: You used to bonus action to dash. That's going to be Ragh attacking you (Gorgug). What's your armor class again, man?

0:48:25 Zac: 14.

0:48:26 Brennan: 14, okay. (dice rattling) He hits you for 9 damage and then - and that's halved.

0:48:40 Zac: So, 4 or 5?

0:48:41 Brennan: Sorry, it was 18. Halved to 9, then he hits you for 13, halved to 6, and then he hits you for 15, halved to 7.

0:48:54 Zac: Okay, so 29, fuck. I'm at 31.

0:48:59 Brennan: That is going to be Gorgug.

0:49:11 Zac: [sighs] Damn. I'm gonna try to get up because I have to get out of this.

0:49:16 Murph: You'd probably try to convince him, right?

0:49:17 Zac: I have zero persuasion though.

0:49:19 Murph: He's stupid.

0:49:20 Brennan: If you wanna persuade him, I will give you advantage on this roll.

0:49:24 Zac: Hell, yeah. I'm gonna try to persuade him.

0:49:25 Kristen: Hey,

0:49:26 Ally: I yell from up there.

0:49:26 Kristen: I think he's kinda clearly in love with Dayne! I think he's gay, too, or maybe I just think everyone's gay! (players chuckling)

0:49:39 Zac: Alright. Ooh, 15?

0:49:41 Brennan: What do you say to Ragh?

0:49:42 Gorgug: Ragh—

0:49:44 Brennan: Behind you. (makes dragon growling noises)

0:49:46 Gorgug: I'm sorry that we killed your friend but he was kind of a jerk to you. Where'd you get that black eye?

0:49:51 Ragh: No, dude! Dayne was the best man! I went and told him, 'cause I talked to Jawbone, and he said just talk about your feelings, and I told Dayne about my feelings, and he socked me in the face and he said that he wouldn't tell anybody so I could stay on the Owlbears.

0:50:05 Gorgug: But he socked you in the face, right? Look behind me. Do you see the--

0:50:08 Fig: (quietly) Kiss him, Gorgug. (players chuckle)

0:50:10 Brennan: He looks behind you and he goes,

0:50:16 Ragh: (crying, stutters) I loved Dayne.

0:50:17 Gorgug: (quietly) I’m— so sorry—

0:50:19 Kristen: (yelling over him) Told you! (licks fingers and gives two peace signs)

0:50:20 Fabian: Okay, not the time, Kristen!

0:50:22 Kristen: Called it!

0:50:24 Adaine: Stop outing students! (tender string music)

0:50:26 Gorgug: There's other Daynes out there.

0:50:29 Ragh: Nobody’s ever, I'm just an idiot and I'm ugly. No one's ever gonna like me.

0:50:32 Zac: I'm just gonna kiss him. (players laughing) Brennan pushes together Ragh and Gorgug’s minis so that they are touching faces.

0:50:37 Kristen: (clapping) Make out, make out!

0:50:38 Brennan: You pull...

0:50:41 Ally: This is hot.

0:50:43 Brennan: My God. You haven't kissed Zelda yet, this is your first kiss.

0:50:46 Zac: This is my second kiss. Someone's dad kissed me or something?

0:50:48 Siobhan: Well, third kiss, because Kristen—

0:50:49 Ally: I kissed everyone.

0:50:50 Siobhan: Kristen kissed him and Zelda's dad kissed you.

0:50:53 Brennan: That's right! Sorry, it's your third kiss.

0:50:55 Zac: Yeah.

0:50:57 Brennan: You pull Ragh in close, plant a tender kiss.

0:51:04 Ragh: (sniffs) Wow, I got kissed at prom. (Fig laughs)

0:51:06 Zac: I go,

0:51:07 Gorgug: (nodding sincerely) Help us kill this dragon!

0:51:08 Ragh: (through remaining tears) Fuck, yeah! Hoot growl!

0:51:10 Players: (chanting) Hoot growl! Hoot growl! Hoot growl!

0:51:14 Ragh: Let's do it! I'm gay now!

0:51:17 Brennan: He feels more himself— he is filled with a sense of belonging and a centeredness.

0:51:25 Ragh: Fucking out, bitch!

0:51:28 Brennan: And leaps through the air at Goldenhoard.

0:51:30 Lou: What an arc. What an incredible arc.

0:51:32 Zac: That was my whole turn though?

0:51:33 Brennan: You could either take a movement or an action. One of those was the persuasion check.

0:51:39 Zac: I'm gonna move...

0:51:44 Siobhan: Don't you get to take a movement at the end of your turn anyway? So, you should take an action.

0:51:48 Brennan: Yeah, you can bonus action move towards Goldenhoard.

0:51:50 Zac: Yeah, I guess I should. I'm going to throw, no, I'm gonna… Can I move… Ah, fuck, okay. I'm trying to figure out, I wanna get on this side of him and attack him. But is that too many things?

0:52:06 Brennan: Of Goldenhoard?

0:52:07 Zac: Yeah.

0:52:08 Brennan: Yeah, that's too many things.

0:52:09 Zac: Okay.

0:52:11 Murph: Don’t you have a bonus action?

0:52:12 Zac: My bonus action is to move.

0:52:14 Brennan: So, you can move towards him. So, you can go [indicates on board] one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight is here.

0:52:17 Zac: Okay.

0:52:20 Murph: We don't all wanna be next to each other.

0:52:23 Zac: I'll just move to the side.

0:52:25 Brennan: Cool.

0:52:26 Zac: And I'm gonna fucking attack this dude. Is it my full attack?

0:52:29 Siobhan: Awesome.

0:52:32 Brennan: You took a bonus action so it's just two attacks.

0:52:35 Zac: Okay. (rolls) 11? (players laughing)

0:52:38 Murph: (sarcastically) Believe it or not?

0:52:40 Siobhan: Oh, no.

0:52:41 Zac: (suavely) 12. (players laughing)

0:52:43 Brennan: Cling-clang! (bell dings)

0:52:44 Kalvaxus: Ohoho, little loser listening to his music wants to strike Kalvaxus!

0:52:47 Gorgug: I guess.

0:52:51 Emily: He's not wearing any armor, though. [looks at Brennan’s expression, laughs] Just kidding, I'm just kidding.

0:52:57 Brennan: [in exaggeratedly distressed voice] Emily, I sometimes can't tell when you're really fucking with me or not, okay? It's so hard to remember all the rules! It's so hard! [normal voice] That is going to be Penelope Everpetal.

0:53:05 Siobhan: Bitch.

0:53:13 Murph: We're wasting time with all these dummies but they're gonna kill us–

0:53:15 Emily: At least Dayne's out of the way.

0:53:18 Murph: Yeah, seriously, it's helpful. But there's a freaking dragon. Brennan is measuring a distance on the map, then grabs Penelope’s mini.

0:53:20 Brennan: Vwoop! (magical whooshing noise)

0:53:22 Murph: Oh, no!

0:53:23 Lou: I can’t— (sighs)

0:53:24 Emily: Shit.

0:53:26 Brennan: She teleports to the top of the--

0:53:27 Zac: (disbelievingly) Uh, balloons?

0:53:28 Brennan: Of the balloons. She goes,

0:53:30 Penelope: Yeah. (tucks hair behind her ear) I can stand on balloons because, I don't know, I did a Whole 30 and I did some other stuff that's gotten me, I'm slimmed down, it's for prom, 'cause this dress was my mom's.

0:53:35 Riz: Okay.

0:53:38 Gorgug: Shut up! (players laughing)

0:53:40 Brennan: You see Penelope--

0:53:45 Murph: She casts two spells in a turn?

0:53:47 Brennan: Hmm?

0:53:48 Murph: She can cast two spells?

0:53:49 Brennan: Oh! Sorry, I fucked up! Yeah, she just Misty Stepped. She is going to… Murph chuckles nasally, pushing up his glasses like a nerd.

0:53:51 Ally: Nice.

0:53:54 Brennan: Rules lawyer, you did it! Yeah, she hops up there, that is her turn. That's her whole turn. That's going to be Riz; go ahead and roll for police, an 18, 19 or 20's gonna do it.

0:54:01 Lou: C'mon!

0:54:08 Murph: (proudly) A 1! (sad whoosh)

0:54:10 Brennan: Nat 1, no worries.

0:54:12 Siobhan: (crosstalk) The police went to the other—

0:54:12 Emily: They got a flat tire.

0:54:13 Murph: They went to Mumple.

0:54:13 Emily: (exaggerated cop voice) “Oh! Donuts, okay!”

0:54:14 Ally: Mm, Mumple prom.

0:54:14 Murph: "There's a prom, right?"

0:54:16 Brennan: It's your turn, Riz!

0:54:16 Murph: Okay, um.. Okay, she is not near any of my friends so I can't do any of my cool stuff. But we gotta take her out. But we also have this huge dragon. So, I am just going to, I guess run to the side of the stage and then I'll just take my attack on Kalvaxus.

0:54:40 Brennan: You're gonna run over here?

0:54:41 Murph: Yeah, so that I can hide as a bonus action at the end of my turn.

0:54:44 Brennan: Cool.

0:54:46 Murph: Okay. So, I'm just gonna shoot at him. That is a 22 to hit?

0:54:53 Brennan: 22 does it.

0:54:54 Murph: Dope. (mumbles softly) Amen, yeah! Not great but fine. 4, 8, 12, 13, 18, 24 damage, and I’m also gonna do Fury of the Small for another 8; 32 damage.

0:55:18 Brennan: Jesus Christ!

0:55:19 Ally: Nice.

0:55:21 Murph: And then I use my bonus action to hide.

0:55:26 Brennan: Cool, go ahead and make it.

0:55:29 Murph: Not great. Not great. Uh, 15? 15 hide?

0:55:35 Brennan: (rolling dice) You take out your father's gun, blam! Bullet (makes squelching noise), hits into Kalvaxus,

0:55:43 Kalvaxus: (growls) Ow, what the fuck?

0:55:45 Brennan: He lashes out. What is your armor class?

0:55:51 Murph: 16.

0:55:52 Brennan: Cool.

0:55:54 Murph: Shit.

0:55:55 Ally: Fuck.

0:55:56 Siobhan: (looking at Brennan) Oh, no.

0:55:58 Lou: Why do you need more dice?

0:56:00 Brennan: And deals you 15 points of damage with his tail. Bam!

0:56:06 Murph: I'm at 20.

0:56:10 Brennan: Okay, that is going to be Fabian.

0:56:16 Lou: Alright. What are the chances of running, vaulting off of the drums and grabbing onto the sign to pull the balloons down with my own weight?

0:56:30 Brennan: (laughs) I would say that's a pretty good chance. That's an insane jump, you do have Sneakers of Dunking. Let's call that a DC… I'll set that at a DC 20, DC 20.

0:56:38 Lou: Acrobatics or Athletics?

0:56:45 Brennan: This is Athletics.

0:56:49 Lou: Great. (die rattles) 21!

0:56:54 Brennan: (breathes loudly) Off of the drum, boom, kah! (mimics swooshing noise) Wham! You grab this and oop! (gasps) Her scepter just shattered.

0:56:58 Lou: Fuck yeah, it did!

0:57:02 Brennan: And you pull the balloons all the way to the ground. (rubber groaning) She is gonna make an acrobatics check. Nat 20.

0:57:07 Siobhan: Oh, shit.

0:57:10 Lou: Fuck.

0:57:12 Brennan: She leaps off of the balloons as you pull them off and lands here on the stairs. And you're down here, that's your movement. You have an action if you'd like it.

0:57:24 Lou: I'm gonna crossbow her and then I call for the Hangman to come to my friends here at the front of the—

0:57:28 Emily: Ooh, hell, yeah!

0:57:32 Lou: Of the gym.

0:57:35 Brennan: Hell, yeah, go ahead and make your roll.

0:57:36 Lou: Great. So, first attack, (die rattles) 16?

0:57:42 Brennan: 16 is not gonna do it, she throws a Shield up in front of herself.

0:57:44 Lou: Great, second one. 17.

0:57:48 Brennan: 17's gonna do it.

0:57:49 Lou: Yes!

0:57:49 Ally: Mm! Lou hums ‘Amazing Grace’, and Zac hums along.

0:57:49 Lou: And that'll be nine damage.

0:57:58 Brennan: She is looking hurt, gang. The Hangman rushes, (engine roars loudly) over to the front. At the end of Fabian's turn—

0:58:14 Lou: And I command for it to follow any instructions they give it.

0:58:20 Brennan: At the end of Fabian's turn, Gorgug, you are also hit by Goldenhoard's tail, which deals 20 halved to 10 damage.

0:58:36 Zac: Alright, I'm at 21.

0:58:37 Brennan: That is going to be Adaine. Adaine, you have failed--

0:58:42 Siobhan: I have to make a Wisdom saving throw, right?

0:58:47 Brennan: Yeah, also, your panic attack sets in. You're gonna make this roll with disadvantage.

0:58:57 Siobhan: Great. Good. But I still have a plus 1 to saves, right?

0:59:02 Brennan: Yeah, you do.

0:59:04 Siobhan: Fuck. (suspenseful music)

0:59:07 Siobhan: 9… 14.

0:59:07 Brennan: 14 does not do it.

0:59:09 Siobhan: Fuck.

0:59:11 Brennan: Adaine turns, feeling suddenly for all the world just impossible for you to comprehend, this is crazy, you should be in a library, you shouldn't have been here, this is a mistake, it doesn't matter, you can't be the elven oracle, there's no way you could be, it's impossible, it's all a mistake, there's a fucking dragon, and you sprint into the yard. That is going to be… You feel awful for abandoning your friends but what can you do? You're having trouble breathing, tears are flowing down your face. That is going to be Kristen's turn.

0:59:52 Ally: Is there a way for me while flying to hide in a blind spot?

0:59:56 Brennan: Like up in the rafters?

0:59:57 Ally: Kind of, but nearer Goldenhoard, but without him knowing that I'm there.

1:00:02 Brennan: You could try to make a hide check.

1:00:03 Siobhan: I have a shitty question that is bad for all of us but I also wanna play the game right.

1:00:05 Brennan: Yeah.

1:00:08 Siobhan: I am afraid. Do I have concentration?

1:00:13 Brennan: You (Kristen) feel the Fly spell end on you.

1:00:15 Ally: Oh, okay, cool.

1:00:16 Siobhan: I'm sorry.

1:00:17 Ally: It's okay. Okay, then I am going to--

1:00:21 Murph: Also he found me and I'm a rogue.

1:00:23 Emily: At least you weren't in the air. At least you didn’t like, fall.

1:00:25 Zac: Yeah, at least you landed.

1:00:27 Brennan: Dragons: notoriously perceptive.

1:00:29 Murph: Right.

1:00:32 Ally: True.

1:00:32 Zac: (unconvincingly) We all knew that.

1:00:32 Ally: Okay. So, who's really low, health-wise?

1:00:36 Murph: Me and Gorgug--

1:00:37 Zac: I'm at 21.

1:00:37 Murph: But he's gonna get hit more than I am, probably. This guy's been attacking on our turns. I think when it's his turn, it's gonna be real fucking bad. Brennan nods in agreement with Murph; Lou looks at Brennan incredulously and shakes his head, which just makes Brennan nod harder. Lou laughs.

1:00:46 Ally: Okay. So, I have...

1:00:49 Murph: He hasn't even attacked yet.

1:00:54 Ally: I can do, let's see, okay yeah. I'll do Preserve Life, which will just get you up to, would give you up to 40.

1:01:05 Zac: Oh, dope.

1:01:06 Brennan: You've already done Preserve Life.

1:01:07 Siobhan: You've already done it.

1:01:07 Murph: It says twice per day.

1:01:07 Ally: I get two. I get two Channel Divinities.

1:01:08 Brennan: Oh, you get two! Yep, you can do it again.

1:01:09 Zac: Oh, yeah. So, you would just give me up to 40 points?

1:01:13 Ally: Well, (to Murph) what do you have?

1:01:14 Murph: I'm at 20, so I'm less than my half, too.

1:01:18 Ally: Okay, so I can give each of you 20? Or I can give you 10 and him 30.

1:01:21 Zac: That's great.

1:01:23 Murph: Yeah, do that.

1:01:24 Ally: Okay 10 and 30 and then I also get some.

1:01:25 Lou: Get that damn right, dude.

1:01:27 Brennan: At the end of Kristen's turn, Goldenhoard hits you for--

1:01:35 Ally: Oh, and I run to there but he can probably still reach me.

1:01:39 Brennan: Actually he can't! If you run—

1:01:40 Murph: Dope, dope.

1:01:40 Ally: I was gonna run towards her to fight—

1:01:43 Brennan: Oh, to fight Penelope, gotcha.

1:01:45 Lou: We got her.

1:01:46 Siobhan: This bitch, hit her.

1:01:47 Brennan: Goldenhoard is instead, going to deal--

1:01:47 Zac: Oh, fuck!

1:01:48 Ally: (chuckles) Shit! Sorry.

1:01:48 Brennan: Is going to deal 18, so nine damage to Gorgug.

1:01:51 Zac: Okay.

1:01:54 Brennan: Then it is Goldenhoard's turn.

1:01:55 Siobhan: God.

1:01:57 Zac: 42. Okay.

1:02:00 Lou: Hey, I'm 43. So. For once.

1:02:03 Ally: (puts their hands to their temples like a psychic) We need some like, powerful something. Brennan is putting a big plastic triangle onto the map.

1:02:06 Lou: What is this?

1:02:07 Siobhan: Oh, no.

1:02:08 Lou: Why do you need this triangle? (dragon growls)

1:02:12 Murph: 'Cause of the fire breath.

1:02:17 Brennan: Yeah. That's gonna do it.

1:02:22 Zac: Does Penelope get hit?

1:02:24 Brennan: Let me see. I think, actually, no, he can hit… Yeah, he can hit just these two and not Penelope by moving up and getting his mouth just where he needs it. I'm going to need Kristen and Fabian to make Dexterity saving throws.

1:02:47 Ally: Oh, that's Ragh.

1:02:48 Brennan: That's Ragh! Sorry! I am incorrect, that was Ragh.

1:02:52 Lou: Thank God.

1:02:53 Ally: Yeah!

1:02:54 Lou: I was like, Jesus Christ! He can hit— I'm hiding behind the stage. (Ally chuckles) (suspenseful music)

1:03:01 Brennan: I need Kristen to make a Dexterity saving throw.

1:03:05 Ally: Oh, great. I have negative 3 on Dex so, I didn't mean for that to count but it did. Four, but I get Human Determination, I can do one advantage?

1:03:10 Brennan: You wanna do advantage? You can do it.

1:03:15 Ally: I guess.

1:03:18 Brennan: Go for it.

1:03:20 Ally: Yeah. (groans) I'm bad.

1:03:23 Brennan: Okay. Hold on one sec, guys. (a lot of dice rattling)

1:03:25 Zac: (pained) Oh!

1:03:27 Siobhan: Oh, my God!

1:03:29 Ally: I'm down. I'm absolutely down.

1:03:31 Lou: I got faith, dude.

1:03:33 Ally: Damn! A 4 and a 2!

1:03:37 Lou: That's truly some of the worst luck. Brennan is shaking his handful of dice to prepare the roll. He raises one eyebrow, looking smug.

1:03:41 Siobhan: Oh, my God.

1:03:43 Lou: It's like a goddamn maraca.

1:03:44 Emily: You know she's just down, right? We don't need to count 'em all up? (laughs) (music slows to a stop)

1:03:47 Brennan: This could actually permanently kill Kristen if it does her full hit point total.

1:03:53 Murph: What's your full hit?

1:03:55 Ally: 70.

1:03:57 Zac: Minus whatever you have now.

1:03:59 Murph: We need to do 125 damage to kill you.

1:04:01 Brennan: This is gonna be 6, 12, 18, 24, 28, 32, 36, 38, 44, 52,

1:04:11 Emily: That's how much it's healing her for?

1:04:16 Ally: (chuckles) Yeah.

1:04:19 Murph: She loves fire.

1:04:20 Zac: You have any resistance to fire?

1:04:21 Brennan: 64. Uh, 66 damage.

1:04:26 Ally: I'm down. (woman groans)

1:04:28 Siobhan: Down but not dead.

1:04:29 Lou: Oh, real.

1:04:30 Murph: That's bad.

1:04:31 Lou: (incredulously) 66?

1:04:36 Brennan: And Ragh is down as well. So Ragh turns around, rushing at Goldenhoard victoriously. Goldenhoard turns around and says,

1:04:43 Kalvaxus: I want to be very clear. I have no problem with your sexuality. This is not--

1:04:49 Riz: Homophobe!

1:04:49 Kalvaxus: It's not a homophobe thing!

1:04:51 Siobhan: You hit both of the gay ones! Oh, sorry, I’m not—

1:04:52 Riz: Oh, wow!

1:04:53 Kalvaxus: Honestly, to be clear, I am very socially liberal; I am fiscally conservative. (players groaning)

1:04:57 Riz: Oh, bullshit!

1:05:01 Kalvaxus: What, I'm a libertarian! (players groaning)

1:05:02 Kalvaxus: (growling fiercely) I am a libertarian!

1:05:04 Gorgug: Of course you're a libertarian!

1:05:06 Ally: So convenient for you!

1:05:08 Kalvaxus: What? Everyone should be free to do what they want! I should be free to collect gold and destroy, and you should be free to try and run away! This is a cogent political philosophy! (spooky rumbling)

1:05:21 Brennan: Ragh is down.

1:05:22 Ally: I'm down for hearing that. (players laugh)

1:05:25 Brennan: Kristen is down, that is going to be Fig.

1:05:30 Emily: Okay. So, I'm within, 'cause she only runs 30 right, you only run 30?

1:05:33 Siobhan: Yeah.

1:05:37 Emily: So, can I look back at her and… Do I have any sense of if I cast Charm Person on her that it would get her out of her fear?

1:05:50 Zac: Don't you have something that gives people resistance to it?

1:05:53 Brennan: Countercharm.

1:05:57 Emily: I guess that's within 30 feet but I feel like, well, could I start playing it and then also get on the bike and then go to Kristen?

1:06:04 Brennan: You would have to either go after Adaine or go after Kristen.

1:06:06 Emily: Yeah.

1:06:08 Murph: I can get Kristen.

1:06:10 Emily: Oh, okay.

1:06:10 Murph: Yeah. I don't know if on this turn, but I have my healer's kit, I can get her up to 1 if she can heal herself.

1:06:18 Emily: Okay. In that case, I guess that, well, I wanted to get closer to the drums, but—

1:06:25 Murph: You can also do that. I mean, I'm only gonna be able to get her—

1:06:27 Siobhan: Why don't you just give me some Bardic Inspiration?

1:06:32 Emily: Okay, here's what I'm going to do. The bike hasn't taken its action yet, right?

1:06:37 Brennan: Correct.

1:06:37 Emily: So, I'm gonna say,

1:06:38 Fig: Hey, drive me out, we're gonna pick up Adaine and then come back in.

1:06:42 Emily: And then I'm playing on the bike. I'm playing Countercharm on the bike.

1:06:46 Brennan: You rush after Adaine on the bike, you make it to Adaine, you have advantage—  Go ahead and give me a Perception check real quick. It's a DC 10.

1:06:55 Emily: I got a 4.

1:06:56 Brennan: Oh, you don't notice it.

1:06:58 Ally: Fuck. (Lou groans)

1:07:00 Brennan: Cool--

1:07:01 Emily: So, I'm playing Countercharm and I'm getting her onto the thing and then do we come back in? 'Cause I told the bike to come back in.

1:07:09 Brennan: You're gonna have to make a grapple check 'cause Adaine's trying to flee as hard as possible.

1:07:13 Emily: Yeah, I'll grapple her.

1:07:14 Brennan: You and Adaine, make opposed athletics checks.

1:07:16 Zac: Are you still— did you make your check?

1:07:18 Brennan: For that last turn, yeah.

1:07:23 Emily: What is it, Athletics? I got 16.

1:07:25 Siobhan: I did not get a 16.

1:07:28 Brennan: You hoist Adaine onto the bike and turn around.

1:07:30 Emily: And now that we have Countercharm, she'll have--

1:07:33 Brennan: Advantage.

1:07:34 Emily: You'll have advantage on your save.

1:07:35 Siobhan: Great. Thank you.

1:07:35 Brennan: You make it back to the door--

1:07:37 Emily: And I also wink at her (ding) and give her Bardic Inspiration.

1:07:39 Murph: Oh great great great, great great great.

1:07:40 Siobhan: Thank you.

1:07:40 Lou: All great things.

1:07:42 Brennan: All great things. At the end of Fig's turn...

1:07:45 Lou: What is this shit?

1:07:49 Brennan: These are called legendary actions. (Lou scoffs)

1:07:51 Ally: Cool.

1:07:52 Zac: What do you mean— what are we talking about?

1:07:55 Siobhan: (crosstalk) He just fucking gets so many attacks.

1:07:56 Lou: (crosstalk) This man just—

1:07:56 Murph: That fact that he gets to attack as reactions on our turn.

1:07:59 Siobhan: Dude, we need to get your mom in here, like stat. And (to Fig) your dad.

1:08:03 Brennan: Riz, you take 12 points of damage.

1:08:05 Murph: Oh, shit. I want to Uncanny Dodge.

1:08:09 Brennan: Cool, that goes down to 6.

1:08:10 Murph: Okay. Shit, I should have used that before, I'm such an idiot.

1:08:14 Brennan: That is going to now be Gorgug.

1:08:16 Zac: Okay. Can I make an Insight check to know that, I'm just trying to have a sense of if I play the drums, 'cause I have that proficiency, if I have to be holding the ruby or not.

1:08:33 Brennan: No, you don't have to be holding the ruby. Not the way that Fig did it the first time.

1:08:39 Zac: I'm gonna take a full— run towards the drums and try to play them.

1:08:45 Brennan: You rush towards the drums, you get an attack of opportunity from Kalvaxus who hits you for 18 halved to 9 points of damage, and you make it to the drums. What are you gonna do as you get to the drums?

1:09:02 Zac: I have that proficiency to play the drums.

1:09:06 Brennan: I will allow you to… You're in a rage, right?

1:09:09 Zac: Yes.

1:09:10 Brennan: Here's the thing.

1:09:12 Zac: And I'm listening to these tunes, man.

1:09:13 Brennan: Normally performances are Charisma check. But you're listening to some fucking slash, cut, thrash, butt, hurt, smash, dash metal. I will allow you to make a performance check using Strength as the ability and not… It's a DC 20. It's proficiency plus Strength. So, it's gonna be 4 plus, so it’s a plus 7 you need to beat a 20.

1:09:47 Zac: (quietly) I did not do it.

1:09:48 Emily: Fuck.

1:09:49 Brennan: You start (mimics loud drumming), you see Kalvaxus goes,

1:09:56 Kalvaxus: (laughs) Alright! This kid likes to get his ass beat to a soundtrack!

1:10:00 Gorgug: That's not what I meant! (chuckles)

1:10:04 Brennan: That is going to be--

1:10:05 Emily: I have good Performance. I could go do it.

1:10:06 Brennan: At the end of Gorgug's turn--

1:10:08 Zac: It's just you're so far.

1:10:11 Emily: I know, but we got the bike.

1:10:12 Zac: Yeah.

1:10:13 Brennan: Riz, you get hit for another 11, 19 points of damage.

1:10:16 Murph: Fuck!

1:10:19 Lou: (whispering) What?

1:10:19 Murph: I'm at 5.

1:10:21 Ally: Can you Uncanny Dodge that?

1:10:22 Murph: I can't, I used a reaction already.

1:10:25 Brennan: You see Kalvaxus looks at Penelope and goes,

1:10:28 Kalvaxus: Find out why he's playing those drums!

1:10:32 Brennan: You see that Penelope casts Detect Thoughts on herself. (mysterious music)

1:10:35 Emily: Can't he not be charmed, though?

1:10:36 Brennan: Hmm?

1:10:37 Emily: Would that be a charm?

1:10:38 Brennan: Nope, not a charm.

1:10:39 Emily: Oh, okay.

1:10:39 Brennan: Divination.

1:10:41 Siobhan: Just keep on listening to that music, man!

1:10:43 Ally: Oh, yeah. Put those headphones on.

1:10:45 Zac: I got 'em.

1:10:46 Brennan: At the end of Penelope Everpetal's turn...

1:10:50 Zac: Oh, there's still this dude at, I don't know if— The camera zooms in on a lone student at the food tables.

1:10:53 Murph: He's milling around.

1:10:54 Brennan: Oh, yeah, he's gettin’ food, dude.

1:10:55 Zac: Okay, good.

1:10:57 Brennan: You see he's going, man, he's like,

1:11:00 Food Student: Fucked up, guys, for real, fucked up. Best of luck, dude. Ooh, beignets, what? (players laughing)

1:11:06 Lou: Ooh, beignets!

1:11:08 Gorgug: You're still notice, and you haven't fully cased the whole table yet?

1:11:11 Food Student: Dude, it's fucked, dude! Oh, my God, look, they have prawns, dude! They have shrimp at the end and prawns!

1:11:16 Gorgug: At this point, you should have seen all the food!

1:11:19 Brennan: (laughs) Riz, you take 17 points of damage.

1:11:22 Murph: Again?

1:11:24 Brennan: You injured Kalvaxus the worst. At the end of Penelope's turn, he hits you, bam, bam, bam. (wood thudding)

1:11:28 Murph: All right. I’m dead.

1:11:31 Emily: We haven't even hurt him yet.

1:11:32 Brennan: No, you've hurt him.

1:11:33 Murph: I hit him.

1:11:35 Brennan: The shot to the back from Riz was not nothing. Riz, I'm going to need a death saving throw from you.

1:11:51 Murph: Two.

1:11:53 Zac: Do you make a police check anyway?

1:11:55 Brennan: Yeah, make a police check.

1:11:56 Murph: That'd be great.

1:11:57 Brennan: 17.

1:11:58 Murph: 12! (puts his head in his hand)

1:11:59 Brennan: That is going to be Fabian.

1:12:07 Lou: (chuckles) Okay. The Hangman's been used, right?

1:12:11 Emily: No, that was his last turn.

1:12:11 Brennan: Hangman's being used by Fig.

1:12:12 Emily: That was his last turn.

1:12:13 Brennan: The Hangman is now going on Fig's turn.

1:12:17 Emily: Oh, gotcha.

1:12:17 Lou: Great, fantastic. In that case, I would love to bound, I would love to run up the (chuckles) the handrail versus the stairs, (players laughing)

1:12:30 Lou: And attempt to grab, grab the the ruby around her neck and then vault off.

1:12:41 Brennan: Hell, yeah, go ahead and give me an Acrobatics check.

1:12:47 Lou: 11.

1:12:47 Siobhan: Re-roll it. Use one of your luckies.

1:12:51 Lou: Oh, I don't know.

1:12:52 Brennan: You’ll take a little bit of falling damage.

1:12:53 Lou: I'll take the falling damage.

1:12:54 Brennan: Cool. You take four points of falling damage.

1:12:57 Lou: Great.

1:12:58 Brennan: Go ahead and make an opposed Athletics to grab the ruby. You gotta beat a 7 here.

1:13:02 Lou: Handily.

1:13:06 Brennan: You snatch the ruby, she says,

1:13:10 Penelope: Stop fucking with me! What's your deal?

1:13:14 Fabian: (stuttering) Shut the fuck up! (players laughing)

1:13:18 Lou: Can I jump on the other side?

1:13:19 Brennan: This is wall.

1:13:21 Lou: Okay, great.

1:13:22 Brennan: Where do you wanna head--

1:13:23 Ally: Wanna grab me?

1:13:25 Lou: I don’t, I— can I grab her?

1:13:30 Ally: I don't think there's anyone who can heal me, right?

1:13:32 Siobhan: Fig can, I think.

1:13:33 Murph: Just Fig.

1:13:35 Ally: Okay.

1:13:36 Lou: I'd like to land as close to the stage as possible.

1:13:40 Brennan: You can land on the stage. Bam, right here.

1:13:40 Lou: Oh, great. Can I land behind the stage?

1:13:44 Brennan: You can land behind the stage, yeah.

1:13:45 Lou: Can I get half cover?

1:13:46 Brennan: You can get half cover.

1:13:47 Lou: Great.

1:13:47 Brennan: Cool.

1:13:49 Lou: And then I'd like to Second Wind.

1:13:52 Brennan: Go for it. Adaine, as you are rushing forward, Fig, rushing on your way back, hold on a second. (rolls, chuckles) You see, not in a palimpsest, chunky cardigan swinging behind him, you see Jawbone rushing up to you.

1:14:06 Adaine: Jawbone!

1:14:20 Brennan: (pants heavily) Spectacles on his thing, he goes,

1:14:23 Jawbone: (snorts) I heard there was trouble! What's going on?

1:14:25 Brennan: He looks at you in your eyes. What do you say to Jawbone?

1:14:29 Adaine: It's really bad!

1:14:31 Brennan: So, he looks at you and goes,

1:14:32 Jawbone: Jesus Christ. Is this some kind of dragon fear here?

1:14:37 Brennan: He goes,

1:14:38 Jawbone: Wait a minute. Adaine, look at me straight. Answer me honestly now. Do you have panic attacks a lot? Do you feel your breath kinda catch up in your...

1:14:48 Adaine: Yeah?

1:14:49 Jawbone: Did your parents give you anything for that?

1:14:52 Adaine: (shaky) My parents just left and I don't know where they are.

1:14:55 Brennan: He goes,

1:14:56 Jawbone: God,

1:14:56 Brennan: And he gives you a big, warm, furry hug, You see he goes,

1:14:59 Jawbone: Alright.

1:15:01 Brennan: You hear [loud explosions echoing] He goes,

1:15:03 Jawbone: Listen to me, alright, you listen to me right here. Having panic attacks, that is not a character flaw, you understand? You are not a coward, you have a goddamn medical condition, alright? I was in a truck stop bathroom sucking off a border patrol 'cause I was trying to sneak an iguana to my friend's place. He had a cockfight ring, alright? I had to get it to him 'cause the thing had been slit, stuffed up full of drugs and sewn back together, you understand me?

1:15:26 Adaine: No!

1:15:26 Jawbone: Now, this guy, he had venereal disease, he had warts all over him but I was so drunk at that point, I didn't give a shit. I sucked him off anyway, you understand me?

1:15:33 Adaine: No!

1:15:34 Jawbone: But the point is this. Warts are not who that guy is! He's sick! He wouldn't say, oh, I'm a bad person 'cause I have warts on my cock and a little bit on my balls! He wouldn't say that! You're not a coward, Adaine! You're sick, you just need medicine. You gotta come and talk to me, this is my job, goddammit! Adaine, crying, nods in response.

1:15:56 Brennan: He reaches into his cardigan, pulls out a little thing of pills, he goes,

1:15:59 Jawbone: I was gonna sell this to a guy- (players laughing)

1:16:03 Jawbone: -to a guy I know who one time stabbed me in the middle of an orgy, okay? These are for you, these are anxiety meds, alright? There is no shame in having mental illness. I'm sorry your parents didn't take care of this before, you are a good wizard, you are not wrong for having panic attacks, you understand me? Now go ahead, take as many of these as you want, we'll cure the poison damage later, just fucking huck down a bunch of these 'cause these are gonna start working right away, you understand me? Dosage is important. I wanna underline it, dosage is important. You need to listen to your doctor but right now, there's a dragon who's come back to end the world, so we're just gonna have you hork a couple of these down, you understand me? You're a good kid.

1:16:43 Brennan: He hands you these.

1:16:46 Adaine: (through tears) Really glad you're our guidance counselor.

1:16:49 Brennan: He says,

1:16:51 Jawbone: Did your house burn down? Adaine nods, still crying.

1:16:53 Jawbone: If you wanna come stay with me and Tracker, that's fine.

1:16:57 Brennan: Go ahead and put anxiety meds in your inventory and go ahead, you no longer will roll disadvantage on fear checks. You can go ahead, you have the Bardic inspiration here.

1:17:09 Emily: And she has advantage.

1:17:11 Siobhan: And I have advantage.

1:17:11 Brennan: And you have advantage.

1:17:13 Siobhan: 20.

1:17:19 Brennan: The fear melts away from you.

1:17:21 Ally: Nice. (players sigh in relief)

1:17:23 Jawbone: Go knock 'em dead, kid.

1:17:26 Lou: Is he coming? (players laughing)

1:17:28 Emily: Is he coming?

1:17:29 Brennan: You see he says,

1:17:30 Jawbone: Hell, yeah, I'm coming! I came here to fuck shit up [narrows eyes] and help children! Adaine makes the metal hands.

1:17:37 Murph: Jawbone rules. (Brennan laughs)

1:17:40 Murph: I'm so glad we helped to get his life together.

1:17:43 Brennan: Jawbone gets it. Jawbone's life was fucked up 'cause he had lycanthropy but he had no health insurance and then he got this job. They gave him health insurance.

1:17:50 Siobhan: Can Jawbone heal?

1:17:51 Brennan: Jawbone cannot heal.

1:17:53 Siobhan: Just of the mind. He's just a healer of the mind and soul.

1:17:56 Brennan: (chuckles) A healer of the mind and the soul, exactly! He's just a good damn guidance counselor, alright? Jawbone will rush in after you. Adaine, go ahead and tell me, what does Adaine do on her return?

1:18:07 Siobhan: I would love to do an Arcana check on this fucker. This absolute fucking unit in the middle of the-- (players laughing)

1:18:16 Emily: You unit!

1:18:17 Siobhan: You absolute unit!

1:18:18 Ally: Fucking unit!

1:18:19 Zac: In awe at the size of this lad.

1:18:20 Brennan: Give me an Arcana check.

1:18:24 Siobhan: Ah, shit, 12?

1:18:26 Brennan: 12 doesn't give you anything on Kalvaxus. You don't know that there's that much to get, even. But with a 12, I can remind you of something.

1:18:36 Siobhan: Please.

1:18:37 Brennan: You remember what happened to Fig when she had Detect Thoughts active on your jacket? (moment of silent confusion)

1:18:47 Emily: Let's trap him in the jacket!  Trap him in the jacket!

1:18:50 Brennan: 12 is not a huge hint, but Penelope has Detect Thoughts active and anyone who's detecting thoughts in the presence of your jacket detects millions of thoughts from the civilization inside the dimensional space of your coat.

1:19:02 Ally: Get close.

1:19:03 Siobhan: Yeah. Let's head towards Penelope.

1:19:08 Emily: Yeah, I mean, is she controlling the thing? The motorcycle or no?

1:19:14 Siobhan: I think you're controlling the motorcycle.

1:19:15 Emily: I am, okay, I gotcha.

1:19:18 Siobhan: And then can I, can I cast a spell?

1:19:22 Brennan: Yeah, go for it.

1:19:23 Siobhan: I would like to cast Ray of Frost on Kalvaxus. It's just a cantrip, it’s 2d8 of frost damage.

1:19:35 Brennan: Mm-hm. Hell, yeah.

1:19:39 Ally: Do you need some d8's?

1:19:40 Siobhan: I just need two. There we go.

1:19:46 Brennan: Cool! So, do you roll attack or anything or no?

1:19:49 Zac: It's Ray of Frost.

1:19:50 Siobhan: I do. Ranged spell attack.

1:19:54 Brennan: Go ahead and roll me a ranged spell attack.

1:19:58 Siobhan: I got a 22.

1:19:59 Brennan: Hell, yeah, you hit. Go for it.

1:20:02 Siobhan: 5! (chuckles)

1:20:05 Zac: You add anything to it, or is it just that?

1:20:06 Siobhan: No. It’s a cantrip.

1:20:07 Brennan: Give me one more Arcana check.

1:20:09 Siobhan: Great. (rolls, shakes her head)

1:20:12 Brennan: Cool.

1:20:13 Siobhan: 9.

1:20:14 Brennan: You see, (loud swooshing), the Ray of Frost scours him, he turns back around and says,

1:20:20 Kalvaxus: What are you doing back here? You were running away terrified! Adaine gives him the finger.

1:20:24 Kalvaxus: Oh, very mature! Aren't you supposed to be some kind of highfalutin elf?

1:20:29 Adaine: I'm a child! You're attacking a bunch of children, you coward!

1:20:34 Fig: Be careful, Adaine, he has a taste for the young ones.

1:20:37 Adaine: I have a mental illness! And that's fine!

1:20:41 Brennan: (laughs) You see he goes,

1:20:44 Kalvaxus: Alright, let's not turn this into a fucking PSA afterschool special bullshit! Adaine gives him the finger again.

1:20:49 Kalvaxus: God, I don't! Have! To work! At a school anymore!

1:20:55 Brennan: Cool! That's Adaine, that's gonna be Kristen.

1:21:02 Ally: I'm gonna go.

1:21:02 Zac: Make that save.

1:21:04 Murph: Nice.

1:21:04 Ally: 15.

1:21:05 Brennan: Great.

1:21:08 Emily: Whoo! If we by any chance get a chance to seal him in something, we gotta seal him to be the next Lunch Lad. (Siobhan laughs)

1:21:14 Emily: And then promote Gilear to Vice Principal.

1:21:17 Ally: Yes.

1:21:18 Lou: Is it his turn?

1:21:18 Brennan: It is Goldenhoard's turn.

1:21:19 Emily: Oh, shit. (growls, dramatic music)

1:21:20 Zac: Oh, no.

1:21:20 Kalvaxus: This isn't a sexual thing! I'm just evil, alright?

1:21:32 Fig: Then why is your dick out?

1:21:33 Kalvaxus: My dick happens to be extremely internal as a reptile!

1:21:36 Fig: (laughing) It’s poppin’ out.

1:21:38 Adaine: No, I can see it and it looks really big and throbbing. It's gross!

1:21:42 Kalvaxus: It would've been neater if you said it was small and weird, so thank you, even though it's not--

1:21:46 Adaine: No, because it's hard because you're turned on by us children!

1:21:49 Kalvaxus: Shut the fuck up!

1:21:50 Fig: Like a little dog, red rocket.

1:21:52 Ally: (laughs) Ew!

1:21:53 Brennan: Okay.

1:21:55 Fig: A little bit of lipstick. (players laughing)

1:21:57 Ally: [sings Mambo no. 5] A little bit of lipstick in my life~

1:22:02 Brennan: Okay. Adaine, you take 11 points of damage.

1:22:09 Siobhan: Wait, I would like to cast Shield as a reaction shot? Can I do that?

1:22:17 Brennan: You may absolutely do that and it bypasses it, he crushes your shield.

1:22:21 Siobhan: Alright, 11?

1:22:21 Brennan: 11. Fig, you take first 12 and then, (rolling) 22 points of damage.

1:22:40 Emily: 22 total?

1:22:42 Brennan: No, so 34.

1:22:44 Emily: Is this fire?

1:22:45 Brennan: It's not fire. He (growls) descends on you with claws and bites, (loud growling echoes)

1:22:51 Kalvaxus: (continually attacking) Stop making fun of me! Teens, you're so mean!

1:22:56 Ally: (mimicking) Stop making fun of meeee!

1:22:57 Adaine: Yeah, but at least we're not ugly! This medicine is great! (players chuckle)

1:23:05 Brennan: (laughs) That is going to be Fig.

1:23:12 Emily: Okay. So, I'm gonna use a full turn to retreat.

1:23:17 Brennan: You can take a disengage action.

1:23:18 Emily: A disengage but do I still have a bonus action if I will disengage?

1:23:21 Brennan: Yeah, disengage is an action.

1:23:23 Emily: Okay. Well, actually is this the bike's turn?

1:23:26 Lou: Yeah.

1:23:26 Brennan: Yeah, you can use the bike. So, the bike can take a disengage and then move, I think 80.

1:23:30 Emily: Okay, so, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, so we can get to here?

1:23:36 Brennan: Mm-hm.

1:23:42 Ally: Can you jump?

1:23:44 Emily: So, we get to here. I'm going to jump off and then I'll take my, I'll take one, two, three, four, five, I think I can get to the drums.

1:23:59 Zac: Oh yeah. Kick me off of those drums. So, I'll just get to the drums and I'm gonna Healing Word Riz.

1:24:02 Murph: Thank you.

1:24:05 Emily: For… I'm gonna do a, 'cause it's a bonus action, I'm gonna do a second level, so I'll Healing Word him for 6 plus 8, 14.

1:24:20 Murph: Thank you! (inspirational music)

1:24:23 Ally: Then we can keep calling the cops!

1:24:25 Siobhan: Call the cops!

1:24:27 Brennan: Cool. That's Fig's turn, that's awesome. Gorgug, that's you, baby.

1:24:31 Zac: 'Kay.

1:24:36 Brennan: You can make another Performance check if you want or you can—

1:24:39 Zac: Would that be my action if I did?

1:24:41 Brennan: That could be your movement if you'd like. Movement or action.

1:24:46 Ally: Do it!

1:24:48 Siobhan: Fuck it, you've got strength.

1:24:51 Murph: We fucking need Gorthalax so bad right now.

1:24:52 Zac: Alright, I'm just gonna do that then.

1:24:53 Siobhan: And you got an advantage.

1:24:53 Zac: I feel bad. I look at Fig, get some inspiration from her musical knowledge.

1:24:58 Siobhan: Yes!

1:25:02 Zac: Nat 20!

1:25:05 Brennan: Nat 20. You see Fig rushing to you, You were a loner and a freak and a loser and this fucking badass cool rocker invited you to join her band? There is no way you are going to fuck this solo up.

1:25:21 Fig: You got this, dude. Just do it like we do it in band practice! (players laughing)

1:25:25 Gorgug: Alright.

1:25:29 Brennan: (mimics heavy-metal music) The drums fucking come apart. Gorthalax… (loud growling) [phone notification sound]

1:25:41 Gorthalax: (Bling, bling, bling, bling!) Sweetie, did you send me some texts?

1:25:43 Fig: Yeah, I thought you were fucking Mom, but you were in a ruby!

1:25:46 Gorthalax: Oh, we fucked.

1:25:47 Fig: (clearly uncomfortable) Oh, okay. Well! (players chuckling)

1:25:49 Gorthalax: But she explained that there wasn't gonna be anything more than that, and that's what… Holy shit! Kalvaxus! You're here!

1:25:58 Brennan: See him (mimics whooshing sound),

1:26:00 Kalvaxus: Gorthalax!

1:26:02 Brennan: He says,

1:26:02 Kalvaxus: Oh,

1:26:03 Brennan: You see he goes,

1:26:04 Gorthalax: Oh, Goldenhoard - Kalvaxus - what? That's honestly nuts! Why are you guys partially singed?

1:26:13 Fig: Because he's been attacking us, Dad!

1:26:16 Brennan: You see that Gorthalax looks up as Kalvaxus rears his head around and goes—

1:26:22 Fig: Also, Dad, he kind of used to come onto me all the time. (Adaine laughs)

1:26:27 Riz: That's true.

1:26:30 Brennan: (heavy metal music) (loud growling)  An upside down pentagram of flame glows in Gorthalax's head.

1:26:37 Gorthalax: (threatening) You made a promise to care for children! You know where bad dudes go? (whooshing echoes)

1:26:47 Brennan: An ax made of fire, a fucking sick guitar appears in his hand.

1:26:52 Gorthalax: It's time to shred, baby!

1:26:56 Brennan: Cool!

1:26:57 Zac: Do I still have my--

1:26:58 Brennan: You have your action, yes, go for it.

1:26:59 Siobhan: Play the drums more and go full band on that fucking stage! (Brennan laughs)

1:27:07 Zac: Instead… (group laughs)

1:27:08 Murph: Rather!

1:27:09 Zac: Can I use my bonus action to move towards Penelope as close as I can get?

1:27:13 Brennan: Yeah, absolutely.

1:27:15 Zac: Alright, if I can't get to her, I might not be able to.

1:27:18 Brennan: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. You are just out of reach.

1:27:27 Zac: I'm just gonna hit her in the face with a fire bomb.

1:27:30 Murph: Oh, shit!

1:27:31 Siobhan: Sick. (Lou laughs loudly)

1:27:33 Zac: Where do I roll for that?

1:27:35 Brennan: You can automatically just do it.

1:27:37 Zac: Okay, I'm gonna do that. So, 6d6.

1:27:39 Ally: Hell, yeah.

1:27:40 Murph: (yawning) Oh, my goodness, Gorgug.

1:27:43 Ally: You need one more?

1:27:44 Zac: I need one more.

1:27:45 Lou: What if we all give him our d6s when he throws a fire bomb? It's symbolic. Zac rolls his 6d6. When he does, Siobhan mimics a bomb exploding.

1:27:50 Zac: Ooh!

1:27:54 Siobhan: 20.

1:27:59 Zac: 20.

1:28:03 Brennan: Penelope looks on the verge of death. (loud whooshing echoes) You see that her gown lights on fire and is burned to shreds. She's covered in ash.

1:28:13 Zac: Can I frenzy and throw another bomb? (laughs)

1:28:15 Murph: Ha!

1:28:16 Brennan: No, use your bonus action to do the orcish aggression. She looks at you and goes,

1:28:21 Penelope: (crying) My fucking dress! You've ruined prom, what is wrong with you?

1:28:28 Gorgug: I've ruined prom?

1:28:31 Brennan: (laughs) That is going to be Penelope's turn.

1:28:32 Zac: (whispering) Fuck.

1:28:34 Brennan: Let me see here.

1:28:40 Siobhan: Oh, shit.

1:28:45 Murph: Can she see me? 'Cause I did hide.

1:28:48 Brennan: You did hide. I'm gonna roll Perception for her. She cannot see you.

1:28:51 Murph: Great.

1:28:53 Brennan: Okay.

1:28:53 Fabian: Wow, thanks, The Ball. Take one for the team!

1:28:57 Riz: I'm a goddamn rogue. I cannot get hit.

1:29:00 Brennan: I'm gonna need Fabian, Gorgug and Fig to all make Dexterity saving throws.

1:29:06 Zac: I have advantage on that.

1:29:07 Lou: I’m not too good at that.

1:29:08 Emily: Do I have some kind of advantage for some reason?

1:29:13 Lou: 17.

1:29:14 Zac: (whispering) Fuck.

1:29:14 Emily: Is this psychic damage?

1:29:16 Brennan: It's fire, you do have resistance to it.

1:29:18 Zac: Okay. I only got a 10.

1:29:21 Emily: I got a nat 20!

1:29:23 Brennan: Cool, dope.

1:29:24 Ally: Hell, yeah.

1:29:25 Brennan: That's gonna be eight, 11 is 19, 24, 31, 36, (pointing at Lou) what'd you get?

1:29:35 Lou: 17.

1:29:37 Brennan: (at Zac) What'd you get?

1:29:37 Zac: 10.

1:29:39 Brennan: You take a full 36 damage.

1:29:42 Zac: Fuck. I'm at 6.

1:29:44 Brennan: You take a full 36 damage, you (Fig and Fabian) each take 18 damage.

1:29:50 Emily: But wouldn't I then half that again?

1:29:52 Brennan: So, you take 9 damage.

1:29:53 Emily: Okay. Minus 9.

1:29:57 Brennan: At the end of Penelope's turn, you go five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40 to here. And then Penelope's gonna go, one, two, three, four, five, six. She's gonna make a little Acrobatics check to get up there. Which she succeeds on. That is going to be Riz, go ahead and roll for police? 16 or higher does it?

1:30:36 Murph: Come on. 9. (groans) Can I shoot Penelope from here? I probably could get closer.

1:30:39 Ally: Would we be able to Bless you or Bardic Inspiration for police in the future?

1:30:45 Murph: That'd be dope.

1:30:46 Emily: I haven't had a bonus action to give any more Bardic Inspiration.

1:30:49 Siobhan: I mean, I would heal… can you get up to her?

1:30:51 Murph: Yeah, I don't know if I can get, it’s not good to bring her, we gotta get rid of her (Penelope) if she's right here next to her (Kristen).

1:30:57 Siobhan: Right.

1:30:58 Murph: Okay, I am going to I guess just run around back near Fabian.

1:31:07 Brennan: Okay. One, two, three, four, five, six, what's your movement?

1:31:13 Murph: Okay, and then try to shoot Penelope.

1:31:17 Brennan: Okay. What's your range on that?

1:31:20 Murph: Short bow, so it should be like—

1:31:22 Brennan: 80?

1:31:23 Murph: 80 to...

1:31:24 Brennan: Yep she's in range, go for it.

1:31:32 Murph: Whew, c'mon. Only 14.

1:31:33 Brennan: Not gonna do it.

1:31:34 Murph: Great, good. Cool, then I am going to, I'd like to take cover by the stage and then also hide. (chuckles)

1:31:42 Brennan: Okay.

1:31:44 Murph: Nat 20 on a hide.

1:31:45 Brennan: Cool.

1:31:45 Murph: Great, thanks for the fucking nat 20 now.

1:31:51 Brennan: (mimics swooshing sound) You disappear. That is going to be Jawbone. You hear him say,

1:31:57 Jawbone: (yelling) Hey, asshole! Thanks for the job! Now it's time for you to fucking lose your job! But your life is— [annoyed, quieter] I haven't been mean in so long. I used to be very mean, I could say scary shit. Whatever.

1:32:11 Adaine: I believe in you, Jawbone!

1:32:12 Jawbone: Hey, thanks, kid, you're alright! (howls loudly)

1:32:17 Brennan: He rushes, he's going to take a leap up. He's gonna make an Athletics check and leaps up and begins crawling up Goldenhoard's back.

1:32:26 Jawbone: (loud growling)

1:32:35 Lou: Beat us to the punch.

1:32:37 Murph: Jawbone is god. (players laughing)

1:32:40 Brennan: That is going to be Fabian.

1:32:44 Lou: Can I make a Perception check to see if I think that Gorthalax is going to fly at, uh, what’s-his— Kalvaxus?

1:32:54 Brennan: Make an Insight check.

1:32:57 Lou: 16.

1:32:58 Brennan: We'll say he's gonna play some music.

1:32:59 Lou: Oh, okay, great. Then I would like to Action Surge, yeah, I'd like to dash up to Penelope and vault, running up the, not the normal stairs, but of course the handrail. (players laughing)

1:33:24 Brennan: Hell yeah. Give me an Acrobatics check?

1:33:27 Lou: What're you doing under there? Uh, 12?

1:33:29 Brennan: 12 is not gonna cut it.

1:33:30 Siobhan: Don't you have advantage on Athletics?

1:33:32 Lou: You said Acrobatics?

1:33:34 Brennan: Acrobatics.

1:33:34 Lou: Yeah.

1:33:36 Brennan: 12 is not gonna do it. Give me a dexterity saving throw DC 15.

1:33:41 Lou: Uh, done.

1:33:42 Brennan: You slip off the handrails, grab onto here and end your movement there. You have your action left.

1:33:50 Lou: I'd like to hand crossbow– (Emily laughs)

1:33:51 Lou: From the railing.

1:33:55 Brennan: Hand crossbow from the rail, yes, go for it. Make your attack.

1:33:57 Lou: Great. 24.

1:34:02 Brennan: 24? Hits.

1:34:04 Lou: Great and then (drops dice off the table, chuckles) Sorry. (grunts) And then 12.

1:34:14 Brennan: 12 misses but 24 hits.

1:34:15 Lou: Great and then, 9. (loud zing echoes)

1:34:24 Brennan: Penelope takes the bolt.

1:34:25 Penelope: (groan) All I wanted to be was Queen.

1:34:30 Ally: We know. (Brennan laughs)

1:34:32 Ally: I'm dead.

1:34:32 Emily: Oh, my God!

1:34:33 Brennan: And she falls. Penelope is no more.

1:34:39 Murph: Can she flop over the top of the ledge dramatically?

1:34:43 Brennan: Falls, bam, lands on Ragh and Dayne! They're all on a little pile together! (players aww)

1:34:45 Siobhan: That's so sweet!

1:34:47 Ally: Wow, the love triangle! What we've been waiting for.

1:34:50 Brennan: All the cool kids you met in the entryway on your first day are dead at your hands! (Lou laughs loudly)

1:34:54 Zac: In a big pile!

1:34:56 Brennan: In a big pile!

1:34:57 Murph: Well, Ragh we only led into death.

1:34:59 Brennan: Into death.

1:35:00 Lou: Can I call for the Hangman to fly beneath me when it has the chance?

1:35:06 Brennan: Yes.

1:35:07 Siobhan: I think I'm on the Hangman.

1:35:08 Brennan: Oh, you're on it, okay.

1:35:09 Zac: And it's also on Fig's turn.

1:35:11 Brennan: It's actually, now it's on Adaine's turn.

1:35:12 Siobhan: Oh, okay.

1:35:14 Lou: Give me my motorcycle back. (players chuckling)

1:35:16 Brennan: Cool. That is Fabian, then it's going to be Adaine.

1:35:22 Siobhan: I would like to do another Arcana check to see if I can figure out what the fuck is going on.

1:35:25 Brennan: Mm-hm.

1:35:29 Siobhan: 20, not nat 20 but 20.

1:35:32 Brennan: Just a 20?

1:35:33 Murph: Just!

1:35:34 Zac: Measly.

1:35:34 Brennan: No, 20 is good. You think the situation is as it stands. This is a dragon you are fighting.

1:35:41 Siobhan: Fuck. (suspenseful music)

1:35:47 Siobhan: Okay, then I will… Can I take the bike to the side of the stage so I'm...

1:36:04 Brennan: Over here?

1:36:05 Siobhan: A little bit covered?

1:36:08 Brennan: Mm-hm, yeah, for sure.

1:36:10 Siobhan: 'Cause I'm undercover. And then I will cast Lightning Bolt at him again.

1:36:21 Brennan: Hell, yeah.

1:36:22 Murph: Dope.

1:36:23 Siobhan: So, it's a Dexterity saving throw, DC 15. And I would like to give him my 9. My divination roll.

1:36:31 Murph: Nice.

1:36:31 Brennan: Ooh! Hold on one second. You're giving me your nine, yes, go for it! Go ahead and roll!

1:36:46 Siobhan: I need four so I can do this thing. 'Cause it's an eight. It's an eight. 8d6. Six plus five, 11. (rolls) Oh, my God. Why am I so bad at math?

1:36:57 Zac: 15.

1:37:09 Siobhan: Thank you. 11 plus 15, so 26.

1:37:12 Brennan: 26 damage?

1:37:13 Siobhan: Yeah.

1:37:16 Brennan: Homeboy takes that whole thing. Adaine, you raise your hand aloft, feeling completely yourself, strong, you hear behind you,

1:37:30 Eleminthindriel: This was meant to happen.

1:37:32 Brennan: And you see a vision of it before it happens and it happens exactly as you saw it.

1:37:36 Siobhan: Well, you could've told me before this very moment!

1:37:38 Eleminthindriel: I was dead! (loud exploding echoes)

1:37:41 Ally: Who was that?

1:37:43 Siobhan: Oracle.

1:37:44 Brennan: You scour Kalvaxus across his chest.

1:37:47 Kalvaxus: (roars loudly) My suit! Well, it's pretty ruined already but fuck you! Adaine gives him the finger again.

1:37:53 Kalvaxus: God! It’s hard with these claws, I only have four - there's no middle one.

1:37:59 Brennan: It looks injured, that was like, it fucked him up! That is now, going to Adaine, Kristen, I'm gonna need you to make a death saving throw.

1:38:10 Ally: Oh, yeah, you got it. 12.

1:38:14 Murph: Okay, great, great.

1:38:15 Ally: Does that count?

1:38:15 Brennan: That does count.

1:38:17 Murph: It's a good one, yeah.

1:38:19 Ally: And if this happens then I'm up to one?

1:38:20 Murph: Then you're just, no, you're just stabilized.

1:38:22 Ally: Okay.

1:38:23 Brennan: Stabilized, yeah. You see—

1:38:25 Siobhan: Oh, wait, the bike hasn't gone yet.

1:38:29 Brennan: Oh! The bike goes over to Fabian, yes. (engine growls) You are standing here. You see that Gorthalax goes ahead and (mimics electronic guitar warble) hits a chord on his guitar, he does something, strands of demonic music. (heavy metal music)

1:38:43 Fig: Nice, Dad! The cast headbangs a little.

1:38:58 Brennan: He hits that chord. (rolls) Holy shit! And you see that Kalvaxus becomes almost inured to the spell, wait, (to Siobhan) what'd you roll on your Arcana?

1:39:14 Siobhan: 20.

1:39:15 Brennan: You know something about dragons, which is that something this powerful can brute force through its innate magic, a couple of resistances to spells, meaning he has a number of times that he can just not be affected. You see that Gorthalax, (mimics heavy-metal music) and (mimics explosion) hits some kind of spell at Kalvaxus that Kalvaxus uses his innate draconic ability to avoid.

1:39:29 Siobhan: Shit.

1:39:42 Brennan: That is going to be, uh, (deep voice) Goldenhoard. (suspenseful music)

1:39:50 Lou: On the stairs. Brennan makes a roll, then grabs out the big triangle he used for Kalvaxus’ breath weapon last time.

1:39:59 Lou: Can I use luck?

1:39:59 Siobhan: Oh, shit.

1:40:00 Lou: To make him re-roll that attack roll?

1:40:04 Brennan: It's not an attack roll.

1:40:05 Lou: Okay. (mimicking) It's not an attack roll. (chuckles) Jesus Christ!

1:40:13 Zac: Don't do it to us! Dude, it's just this guy over here.

1:40:17 Siobhan: (laughs) Get this guy over here, the fucking shit! He's probably really rude to him in class.

1:40:25 Brennan: He's going here. I'm going to need--  moves. (moves Kalvaxus’ mini)

1:40:29 Emily: I am likely going down.

1:40:34 Siobhan: Yeah, me too.

1:40:35 Brennan: I am going to need Riz, Fig and Adaine to make Dexterity saving throws.

1:40:43 Ally: Riz, even though he's fully hidden?

1:40:44 Brennan: Mm-hm.

1:40:45 Siobhan: 12.

1:40:50 Emily: 20, not nat.

1:40:53 Murph: Fucking 12.

1:40:56 Brennan: Okay.

1:40:59 Zac: This is fucked. (nervous laughter)

1:41:02 Ally: These are the only two people who could heal.

1:41:04 Murph: Yeah, we're dead. We're just dead.

1:41:06 Siobhan: I mean, if he got hit by 11, but he has the 11 that she gave—

1:41:10 Brennan: Five, 10, 12.

1:41:13 Ally: Those are the number of dice?

1:41:14 Brennan: Yeah. (little smile)

1:41:16 Siobhan: God.

1:41:20 Ally: (whispering) Jesus Christ.

1:41:23 Brennan: (counting quietly) 26, 29, 39...

1:41:25 Emily: This many dice? No, I'm fucked.

1:41:27 Siobhan: AC doesn't matter for this? Brennan shakes his head ‘no’.

1:41:30 Siobhan: Oh, my God!

1:41:32 Brenan: All of you… (to Emily) You failed your saving 20.

1:41:36 Emily: I did?

1:41:37 Zac: Really?

1:41:38 Brennan: You take a full 48 points of damage.

1:41:42 Siobhan: Okay.

1:41:43 Brennan: (to Murph) You take, 24 points of damage,

1:41:48 Murph: Cool, I'm down.

1:41:49 Brennan: You take 24 points of damage as well.

1:41:51 Emily: I'm down.

1:41:54 Zac: Fuck. What do we—

1:41:54 Siobhan: I'm on 11, baby.

1:41:57 Murph: (quietly) Ah, goddammit. (tense electronic music)

1:42:00 Brennan: That is going to be Fig, death saving throw, please.

1:42:05 Emily: Okay. 15.

1:42:08 Brennan: Adaine, are you still standing?

1:42:09 Siobhan: Yeah.

1:42:09 Brennan: What's that?

1:42:10 Emily: 15.

1:42:11 Brennan: 15? Okay. That is going to be Gorgug.

1:42:20 Emily: Oh, wait, since I got hit, can I at least die doing my Hellish Rebuke?

1:42:24 Brennan: Sure, is it fire damage?

1:42:26 Emily: Yeah.

1:42:26 Brennan: He's immune to it. He's completely immune to fire damage.

1:42:30 Emily: Okay.

1:42:31 Brennan: You can do it. (mimics explosion)

1:42:34 Kalvaxus: My tie! (players laughing)

1:42:37 Kalvaxus: You've burned my tie!

1:42:39 Brennan: That is going to be Gorgug.

1:42:45 Zac: I mean, I don't even know what to do. Can I just do an unchecked medicine save on Kristen?

1:43:01 Murph: She's still gonna be at zero. She only needs one more save to get back up.

1:43:04 Zac: And then you'll only be at zero? Fuck, I don't even--

1:43:10 Brennan: Gotta make the call, man.

1:43:11 Zac: I'm gonna run behind him. Use my bonus action.

1:43:15 Brennan: Well, yeah. You can get over here.

1:43:18 Zac: I'm just gonna fucking hit him a bunch.

1:43:20 Siobhan: Yeah, hit him a bunch.

1:43:20 Brennan: Hit him a bunch, dude! Freak out!

1:43:23 Zac: Alright. Yeah. So, 22.

1:43:27 Brennan: That'll do it.

1:43:31 Zac: 14.

1:43:32 Brennan: That'll do it.

1:43:33 Zac: Really?

1:43:34 Brennan: I'm sorry, 14 will not do it.

1:43:35 Zac: Okay, and then 27.

1:43:38 Brennan: Two of them hit.

1:43:39 Zac: Okay. So, 13, and 9, so 22.

1:43:49 Brennan: And nine, gotcha. You start laying into him as you see Jawbone going,

1:43:54 Jawbone: Hell, yeah, kid, give it to him!

1:43:56 Brennan: He goes,

1:43:56 Kalvaxus: God, stop cutting my leg, you little freak!

1:44:00 Brennan: And he's going to, at the end of your turn--

1:44:01 Zac: I'm gonna be down at this.

1:44:03 Brennan: Hit you for 7 plus 8 is 15, so 7 points of damage.

1:44:14 Zac: Okay, I'm gonna use Relentless Endurance to stay up at one. (intense music)

1:44:17 Brennan: He, boom, hits you, you have blood coming from your nose and eyes, you stand back up. That is going to be Riz, give me a death saving throw.

1:44:28 Murph: Three!

1:44:29 Zac: Did you get the police?

1:44:29 Murph: Going for police. Guys, I can't roll above a 10, how am I gonna roll 15? 7.

1:44:37 Zac: You can! (chuckles)

1:44:39 Siobhan: You can, man!

1:44:39 Lou: You can roll it.

1:44:40 Siobhan: You can crit any time you want.

1:44:42 Brennan: You guys see on Jawbone's turn, he (grunts) crawls into Goldenhoard's mouth, and you see Goldenhoard, he goes like,

1:44:53 Kalvaxus: Get outta there, get outta there!

1:44:55 Brennan: And he cannot bite through Jawbone, he's like,

1:45:00 Jawbone: Shoulda gotten some silver fillings, bitch! Whoo! (players laughing)

1:45:06 Adaine: Jawbone is so cool.

1:45:07 Brennan: Jawbone's like,

1:45:07 Jawbone: Alright, while he's chewing on me, I'm gonna try to get in deeper, see if I can plug the fire up!

1:45:12 Adaine: Man, when I grow up, I wanna be a guidance counselor!

1:45:14 Fabian: That's insane, Jawbone! I love it!

1:45:15 Ally: Everything he said is wild!

1:45:18 Brennan: (laughs) He forces himself deeper into the dragon's mouth, Fabian, that's you.

1:45:22 Lou: How far away is the hospital?

1:45:24 Brennan: Extremely far.

1:45:25 Lou: Great. (laughs)

1:45:28 Ally: We're gonna try to get Dr. Osha or whatever?

1:45:29 Lou: I thought about it! (players laughing)

1:45:30 Emily: (hyped) Dr. Asha!

1:45:32 Lou: I was gonna send the Hangman to drive and get Dr. Asha.

1:45:36 Emily: If I wake up, at the hospital, and Dr. Asha will be like, "I'll come clean, it was me."

1:45:39 Lou: I would like to run along the banister of this catwalk up here and leap onto his wings.

1:45:50 Murph: Dope.

1:45:50 Brennan: Hell, yeah. Go ahead and give me an Athletics check.

1:45:53 Lou: Great. (whispering to dice) Oh, my God, stop. Uh, 19.

1:45:57 Brennan: Whew, bam. (moves Fabian’s mini onto Kalvaxus’ wing) (players laughing)

1:46:02 Brennan: Astride the fucking dragon.

1:46:03 Siobhan: So dope.

1:46:03 Emily: That's cool!

1:46:03 Ally: Ah ha!

1:46:03 Lou: Ah ha! And I'm just up here! Can I, make some move to hold on so that I can't be, or can I continue moving or this is as far as I get?

1:46:17 Brennan: You can continue moving if you… (stutters) So, you're here; that's 30, that’s your move, basically.

1:46:23 Lou: How secure am I right now? If he decided to shake—

1:46:27 Brennan: You're running on the wing of a moving dragon so hardly secure. (players laughing)

1:46:31 Lou: Then I'd like to use my full movement to get onto his back and grip onto a spine.

1:46:36 Brennan: Hell, yeah. Whew, bam. You jump right on this motherfucker's head!

1:46:40 Lou: Great! Yeah, get me in there real good.

1:46:43 Brennan: You're there, yeah, you're good now.

1:46:45 Lou: Great.

1:46:46 Brennan: There you go.

1:46:47 Lou: Awesome.

1:46:48 Brennan: (grunts) Jump on his head, (blathers)

1:46:52 Kalvaxus: You taste awful!

1:46:55 Brennan: That is awesome, that's gonna be Adaine.

1:46:57 Siobhan: I open up my Jacket of Useful Things and I say,

1:47:02 Adaine: I need something that will beat Kalvaxus,

1:47:04 Siobhan: And I put my hand in a pocket and I pull out...

1:47:09 Brennan: You reach into your Jacket of Useful Things. We're going to cut really briefly to inside of the Jacket of Useful Things. (brass-heavy adventure music) Deep in a swirling nexus of illuminated denim threads hangs the citadel at the center of the Coat of Useful Things. Gunfire goes out throughout the city, as a high speed chase within the city at the center of the jacket as it's illuminated, you see that a captain turns around and says,

1:47:42 Captain: We're not gonna make it!

1:47:43 Brennan: Some weird stone science officer says,

1:47:45 Science Officer: (deep voice) Captain, we are going to make it! Engine's holding strong!

1:47:48 Brennan: You see that a woman who has two assassin daggers says,

1:47:51 Wman: We have to get it there! The prophecy! If we do not succeed at this moment, the jacket will be destroyed forever! (heroic orchestral music)

1:47:57 Captain: (whispering) We're gonna save the jacket, but we might not save ourselves.

1:48:02 Brennan: Whew, leaps off of the car into the center of the jacket, whew, the seam opens,

1:48:07 Science Officer: My God, he's jumping out of the pocket!

1:48:11 Brennan: Whew, you see that a weird flash and suddenly spectral figure springs out of your pocket and puts a wand in your hand.

1:48:22 Lou: What? (chuckles)

1:48:23 Murph: Dope.

1:48:24 Siobhan: Okay. I— uh, thank you?

1:48:29 Captain: (screams) I am in half life! Agony forever!

1:48:32 Brennan: He sinks through the floor.

1:48:36 Siobhan: I fucking (laughs) wave the wand at Kalvaxus!

1:48:40 Brennan: Hell, yeah!

1:48:41 Siobhan: Hope it does something?

1:48:41 Brennan: Go ahead and make a spell attack roll.

1:48:44 Siobhan: Great. A 25.

1:48:51 Brennan: You hit! Go ahead and roll 2d10 damage.

1:48:53 Siobhan: (laughing) Okay.

1:48:54 Ally: Oh, no.

1:48:55 Siobhan: Is this a 10, yes.

1:48:57 Brennan: Mm-hm.

1:48:58 Siobhan: Great. 4 plus 9, 15?

1:49:04 Zac: 13.

1:49:05 Siobhan: 13. (players laughing)

1:49:06 Siobhan: Thanks for keeping me honest.

1:49:08 Brennan: A little ray of cold shoots out and you see Kalvaxus goes,

1:49:11 Kalvaxus: Ow! (players laughing)

1:49:14 Ally: That guy died for that. (players laughing)

1:49:17 Emily: I guess it would have been too easy!

1:49:20 Siobhan: Just yell,

1:49:23 Adaine: Basrar, we need you! (laughs) (Ally gasps)

1:49:25 Adaine: We need the ice cream!

1:49:29 Brennan: You see, you see, that is your turn, that is going to be Kristen, I need another death save from you.

1:49:34 Ally: Alright.

1:49:39 Emily: Maybe ask your jacket for a healing potion, man!

1:49:40 Ally: 19.

1:49:42 Brennan: You’re at 0.

1:49:43 Emily: Should've asked your jacket for a healing potion.

1:49:43 Siobhan: Oh, shit, you're right.

1:49:44 Zac: I thought that was what you were gonna do.

1:49:45 Siobhan: I didn't even think about it.

1:49:46 Emily: Yeah, I thought that's what you're gonna do, too!

1:49:48 Siobhan: Oh, no, I didn't even think about that! I forgot that healing potions existed in this world! I'm sorry.

1:49:56 Brennan: Gorthalax rushes over to Fig.

1:49:59 Murph: Oh, shit, he's a bard.

1:50:01 Brennan: Rushes over to Fig.

1:50:02 Emily: Daddy!

1:50:02 Brennan: And he's going to make an untrained medicine check.

1:50:06 Ally: Oh, no.

1:50:06 Siobhan: Oh.

1:50:06 Emily: Daddy, I don't need to be stabilized.

1:50:08 Brennan: He does not succeed.

1:50:09 Zac: Goddammit.

1:50:10 Emily: Dad, Daddy, that was a waste of a turn. (players chuckling)

1:50:13 Lou: Daddy, Daddy, wait.

1:50:18 Brennan: Goldenhoard is going to attack Gorgug. Gorgug, you take--

1:50:21 Zac: I'm dead, for sure.

1:50:23 Brennan: 5 and then 8, so that's 7 damage.

1:50:26 Zac: Gorgug's down.

1:50:29 Brennan: Gorgug drops. He (intense music) moves over here and begins to lay into Gorthalax. (rolling) That is going to be Fig's turn. Roll me a death save.

1:50:50 Emily: 17.

1:50:57 Brennan: You see that Kalvaxus is going to take a swing with his tail and miss!

1:51:04 Lou: Could he try it again?

1:51:05 Brennan: He tried to hit Adaine. Siobhan gives the middle finger.

1:51:06 Brennan: Riz, go ahead and roll me a death save.

1:51:08 Murph: Cool, can I roll for police first?

1:51:10 Brennan: Roll for police?

1:51:10 Murph: What do I have to roll at this point?

1:51:11 Brennan: 14.

1:51:13 Murph: I've banished these blue dice goodbye! Get outta here, you're gone! (intense music) Green dice now! The entire table holds their hands up to lend their power to Murph.

1:51:18 Zac: You got it, you got it!

1:51:19 Siobhan: You crit. You're gonna crit.

1:51:20 Murph: Critical 14! Coming up, baby!

1:51:22 Emily: Crit, crit, crit!

1:51:24 Murph: 2!

1:51:25 Siobhan: Fuck.

1:51:26 Murph: It's a goddamn 2, is what that is. Now I'm gonna roll my death save-- (players laughing)

1:51:28 Zac: Yeah, come on! The cast holds their hands out to Murph again.

1:51:29 Emily: (chanting) Crit, crit, crit!

1:51:30 Murph: A critical 10!

1:51:33 Emily: Crit, crit, crit!

1:51:35 Murph: That's a 14! (players cheering, Lou groans in relief)

1:51:37 Murph: That's the critical 14!

1:51:39 Emily: There was the 14 we needed!

1:51:41 Lou: This is much too much!

1:51:42 Zac: I'd rather it be in that order than the other.

1:51:44 Brennan: Jawbone continues to crawl around inside there.

1:51:48 Murph: Presumably there's clerics on the police force.

1:51:51 Brennan: Adaine, you take 13 points of damage.

1:51:54 Siobhan: I'm down. Oh, wait, wait, can I throw out my Shield?

1:51:58 Brennan: It does not, it does not stop.

1:51:59 Siobhan: Well, I'm down.

1:51:59 Lou: So, everyone in the party is down?

1:52:01 Brennan: Except for you.

1:52:04 Emily: Can you reach into Adaine's jacket and get a healing potion?

1:52:06 Siobhan: Yeah, why not, right?

1:52:08 Emily: I don’t even know if you can get there.

1:52:11 Siobhan: He's on top of the dragon.

1:52:13 Zac: Otherwise, we're just gonna be watching Jawbone and Gorthalax fight this guy! (players laughing)

1:52:17 Brennan: Go ahead and tell me what you're gonna do.

1:52:20 Lou: (sighs twice)

1:52:23 Ally: Does the Hangman know medicine?

1:52:25 Lou: The Hangman definitely does not know medicine.

1:52:27 Ally: In that crystal jewel.

1:52:28 Emily: What about this student? Is he studying to be a cleric?

1:52:32 Brennan: Tell me what you’re gonna do.

1:52:36 Lou: (stutters) At this point, I'm just going to stab this dragon in the eye.

1:52:39 Brennan: Go for it. (suspenseful music) (die rattles)

1:52:42 Lou: First one is 25?

1:52:47 Brennan: 25 hits.

1:52:48 Lou: Second one is 20.

1:52:50 Brennan: Hits.

1:52:51 Murph: Dope.

1:52:52 Ally: Hell, yeah.

1:52:57 Lou: Alright. First one, 13.

1:52:59 Ally: Fuck yeah.

1:53:00 Murph: Hell yeah.

1:53:01 Lou: Second one, 13.

1:53:04 Siobhan: Sick.

1:53:08 Brennan: Kalvaxus is looking like he has some injuries on him. He's looking very vi— vital—

1:53:11 Lou: All my friends are dead but that's nice!

1:53:13 Ally: But we’re all down!

1:53:15 Brennan: I'm gonna need Adaine to roll death saving.

1:53:16 Lou: Oh my God.

1:53:17 Siobhan: Good, I love that.

1:53:20 Zac: 18.

1:53:22 Siobhan: Yeah, 18. So, that's a success.

1:53:26 Brennan: Gorthalax turns and starts laying into Kalvaxus. Goldenhoard is going to go now. I'm gonna need you (to Lou) to make a Dexterity saving throw.

1:53:35 Lou: 'Kay.

1:53:44 Brennan: You are dealt 3, 8, 13 points of damage as you are flung off of his head and hit the wall.

1:53:49 Lou: Goddammit.

1:53:54 Brennan: He continues to chew on Jawbone. Fig, that's gonna be you. Death save.

1:54:00 Emily: In my intermittent unconsciousness, can I commune with my dad?

1:54:08 Brennan: Sure, what do you say?

1:54:09 Emily: I just wanna appear to him as a spectral memory and (ding) wink him some Bardic Inspiration. (laughs)

1:54:17 Brennan: Sure, yup.

1:54:19 Emily: And I got 14, I'm stable.

1:54:21 Brennan: Cool. That's going to be Gorgug.

1:54:26 Zac: 19. So, a success.

1:54:29 Brennan: Riz.

1:54:31 Murph: Rolling for police.

1:54:32 Lou: 13?

1:54:33 Murph: Critical 13. C'mon, coming up. 5, that's a 5.

1:54:39 Zac: How is this possible?

1:54:39 Siobhan: How is that possible?

1:54:40 Lou: How is this possible?

1:54:41 Murph: I'm the worst person to have roll for the whole party, guys. This isn't gonna work.

1:54:45 Brennan: Go ahead and give me that death save.

1:54:46 Murph: Cool. I already have one failure, so once I roll this 1, I'll be dead forever.

1:54:50 Lou: (crosstalk) Oh, you only have one failure? (sighs in relief)

1:54:53 Siobhan: Nope, don't say that.

1:54:55 Ally: 7, it looks so much like a 1, though.

1:54:57 Murph: So, that's two deaths.

1:54:58 Ally: (slapping Lou and Murph on their backs) Fucking motherfucker, get some new dice!

1:55:00 Lou: I thought you had two failing saves. I was about to pass out.

1:55:05 Emily: Well, next turn! (laughs)

1:55:08 Brennan: Fabian, you take, 6, uh, 14 points of damage.

1:55:13 Lou: I have 6.

1:55:15 Brennan: Fabian, it's your turn.

1:55:16 Lou: Okay.

1:55:18 Ally: Can Basrar heal us? Just ask him to bring some healing.

1:55:22 Emily: Healing ice cream? (laughs)

1:55:24 Lou: With the Hangman, and its movement, do I have enough movement to swing around the stage, grab Adaine, or just her coat, and move out of his attack range?

1:55:42 Brennan: Sure.

1:55:43 Lou: I'd like to do that, yes.

1:55:46 Brennan: Hangman, you grab Adaine. You guys move all the way over here.

1:55:50 Lou: Can we go on the other side of the table?

1:55:54 Brennan: Go for it, yeah.

1:55:54 Lou: I don't even want him to be thinking about me.

1:55:57 Brennan: Gotcha, you're behind the tables.

1:55:58 Lou: Great.

1:55:59 Brennan: That is going to be Adaine, we need a death save. (emotional orchestral music)

1:56:07 Siobhan: Failure.

1:56:10 Brennan: Kristen’s stable.

1:56:10 Ally: Can I roll for a nat 20 and then be alive?

1:56:15 Brennan: Uh, sure, go for it.

1:56:16 Ally: (holds up the die) This is to the corn god. I know I left for a while but... (Murph gasps)

1:56:23 Ally: Nat 20! Motherfucker! Ally jumps out of their chair and punches the air. Brennan stares in shocked silence. Ally sits back down and raises their arms to the sky.

1:56:30 Murph: What a great ask!

1:56:32 Lou: Thank you!

1:56:33 Murph: Praise be to the corn god. Lou claps.

1:56:35 Ally: Helio! I believed in you in the beginning! I left—

1:56:36 Emily: (yelling, crosstalk) Are you gonna believe in the corn god again?

1:56:37 Lou: (clapping) Helio!

1:56:38 Emily: You have to rip up your comparative world religions book now!

1:56:43 Murph: (stressed) Please heal me! (upbeat video-game music)

1:56:55 The screen reads: BONUS EPISODE UNLOCKED. (ding) TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE THRILLING CONCLUSION OF FANTASY HIGH. [NEXT EPISODE - Episode 17: Prompocalypse Part 2]

1:56:55 Captions extracted by: gluegunshots

1:56:55 Edited by: gluegunshots, tevildo, rowan solsys