Clash of the Corn Cuties (Ep. 2)

0:00:05 Brennan: Our story begins at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy!

0:00:09 Fabian: I'm Fabian Seacaster, Bill Seacaster's son.

0:00:12 Kristen: Kristen Applebees.

0:00:13 Gorgug: I'm Gorgug.

0:00:15 Adaine: I'm Adaine Abernant.

0:00:17 Riz: Riz Gukgak.

0:00:18 Fig: I'm just Fig now.

0:00:19 Brennan: You guys all arrive at the front of the school!

0:00:21 Fabian: How you doing, buddy?

0:00:22 Gorgug: I'm good.

0:00:23 Lou: I swing and hit him as fucking hard as I possibly fucking can!

0:00:27 Goldenhoard: That's immediate detention for both of you, first day!

0:00:30 Emily: I'm gonna sneak into the teacher's lounge while there's a commotion.

0:00:32 Goldenhoard: [to Fig] Immediate detention.

0:00:34 Goldenhoard: [softly, to Adaine] Detention.

0:00:35 Goldenhoard: [to Riz] Immediate detention!

0:00:36 Kristen: Sounds like I got detention.

0:00:37 Emily: I wanna find lunch lady Doreen.

0:00:39 Doreen: Wanna be a lunch lady?

0:00:40 Fig: You have a spirit that I really admire.

0:00:42 Brennan: Ragh grabs your bible and tosses it into the kitchen and lands in a big vat of the creamed corn. You guys hear a scream.

0:00:48 Ally: Nooo!

0:00:53 Emily: Doreen!

0:00:54 Siobhan: Doreen!

0:00:55 Doreen: Hey kids, it's lunchtime, again! [END RECAP] The screen glitches out and the intro starts with an energetic drumbeat playing in the background. Dimension 20 logo appears on-screen. It shrinks to float to the top of the screen as the title “Fantasy High” appears. An owlbear leaps over it, then screeches and roars. The title screen explodes to reveal Brennan at the table.

0:01:07 Brennan: My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan. We return to find our intrepid heroes here in the cafeteria at Aguefort Adventuring Academy. Now, our band of adventurers, having just met in detention, all are now facing the lunch lady, Doreen, and a colossal... Not technically colossal, the D&D size, but like, fucking big, corn ooze, and a number of terrifying corn gremlins populating the space.

0:01:34 Emily: They're not terrifying, they're fucking adorable.

0:01:35 Ally: Cute! They’re so cute!

0:01:37 Emily: They got little butts!

0:01:37 Brennan: Incorrect.

0:01:39 Emily: They look like cuties in little slipper pajamas.

0:01:42 Brennan: Okay, so they have little butts.

0:01:43 Murph: Corn cuties.

0:01:44 Brennan: They're little corn cuties, that's fine. But wait until you see what these corn cuties can do! You've all rushed into the cafeteria. We have our intrepid heroes, Kristen Applebees, Adaine Abernant, Fig, Figeroth Faeth, Riz Gukgak, Gorgug Thistlespring, and Fabian Aramais Seacaster. You guys have already rolled initiative. A couple little bits of housekeeping before we begin. Because there was downtime during the day, Siobhan, if you would like to recover one of your first level spell slots, through the use of your arcane recovery ability--

0:02:19 Siobhan: Thank you, I would love that.

0:02:21 Brennan: You may.

0:02:22 Ally: Yeah, we really didn't set ourselves up for success here. [pointing at Siobhan] You already used your rays, [pointing at Emily] you used all your spells.

0:02:27 Emily: No, just one, I still got one more!

0:02:30 Ally: [gesturing between Zac and Lou] You both have damage, Goddammit.

0:02:33 Brennan: Actually, the two damaged individuals, you can, because you also have experienced what we call a short rest, may roll one of your hit die, which is I believe [points to Zac] the d12 and [points to Lou] a d10, unless I'm mistaken.

0:02:43 Zac: d12?

0:02:43 Lou: A d10?

0:02:44 Brennan: Roll that die, add your Constitution modifier, you may regain that many hit points.

0:02:50 Zac: Okay.

0:02:51 Lou: Uh, 5!

0:02:51 Brennan: Hell yeah.

0:02:53 Zac: 9 plus, 11. But my max is 14.

0:02:55 Brennan: So you're back at max.

0:02:55 Zac: Yeah.

0:02:58 Lou: And I'm 1 below max.

0:02:59 Brennan: 1 below max, great.

0:03:01 Zac: [faintly to Lou] I'm sorry.

0:03:04 Brennan: Very well. [pirate music plays] We begin the battle, plunging into the cafeteria. First in the initiative order is Fabian. What does Fabian do?

0:03:13 Lou: I vault onto the table and go for this first corn cutie.

0:03:20 Brennan: Incredible. Go ahead and make an Acrobatics check, if you would. Lou rolls. Ally sympathetically winces and all onlookers yell, “No!”

0:03:26 Brennan: Is that natural 1?

0:03:29 Lou: That's a natural 1.

0:03:30 Brennan: Okay.

0:03:30 Lou: God.

0:03:32 Emily: Humiliating. You left it on the field, man!

0:03:35 Lou: Yeah, I did, clearly.

0:03:36 Murph: He’s tapped out.

0:03:38 Lou: Exactly, I'm tired, all right?

0:03:39 Emily: I'm kind of glad, I'm rooting for the corn.

0:03:42 Ally: Yeah, same!

0:03:43 Brennan: Okay, You leap forward and fucking trip and faceplant in the rows in between the tables. You've used up your movement. You're not within five feet of the corn gremlin, but you still have an action if you wanna take an action.

0:03:56 Emily: Do this, [leans on her elbow] so you make it look like you meant to do that.

0:03:59 Lou: Yeah, can I stand and just brush myself and be like,

0:04:02 Fabian: I mean, yeah, it happens, I mean, the tables are so high here!

0:04:07 Ally: So high!

0:04:10 Fabian: I'm a runner, I'm not a jumper, okay!

0:04:13 Brennan: Your swashbuckler has fucking dipped and eaten it on the first action of combat. We move now to the next in the order. You guys see that lunch lady Doreen looks up and says,

0:04:26 Doreen: Oh, you kids aren't going anywhere!

0:04:30 Brennan: And reaches up with her ladle. The sole door to the cafeteria where you guys have just come from, whoosh, is locked with arcane energy. You see dozens of government mandated recipes in draconic and runic languages, bam, slap into place. The door is sealed.

0:04:49 Emily: Oh yeah, I was gonna do that on my turn, so. We all wanted to do that, so.

0:04:55 Zac: We all-- Good design of the cafeteria.

0:04:58 Brennan: Adaine, that's you.

0:05:00 Siobhan: Uh.

0:05:02 Ally: Just looking through your spells frantically.

0:05:04 Siobhan: Well, all my sp-- So I need to be within 30 feet of these people to cast anything, so I'm gonna go do that. [counting tiles as she moves her mini] One, two, three, four, five, six. Am I within 30 feet?

0:05:19 Brennan: Um, you are not.

0:05:20 Siobhan: Okay, well, here I am.

0:05:23 Brennan: When you're taking your movement,you can also, if you like, take a dodge action, which is gonna give disadvantage to anyone trying to hit you.

0:05:31 Siobhan: Oh, okay, can I dodge and hide underneath this?

0:05:34 Brennan: Dodge is actually, you don't have to do anything for it, you just announce, like [New York accent] “I'm dodging,” and if anything happens.

0:05:38 Murph: Just get ready. Take a wide stance.

0:05:40 Siobhan: Okay, I'm dodging.

0:05:43 Brennan: Excellent. That's now going to be Gorgug.

0:05:48 Zac: Oh, Gorgug. Gorgug saw his friend-- Not his friend, but the person he knows--

0:05:55 Ally: Hey, maybe one day.

0:05:57 Zac: The guy who punched him in the face fall. And just looks back and forth and jumps on the table to try to hit the corn cutie.

0:06:08 Emily: [laughing] Try to settle his debt.

0:06:08 Brennan: Do you want to give me an Acrobatics check?

0:06:11 Zac: Okay. Ohh. I got a 8.

0:06:12 Ally: [laughs]

0:06:14 Brennan: Cool, cool.

0:06:16 Siobhan: Defeated by a table.

0:06:18 Zac: How hard is it to jump on a table?

0:06:18 Lou: My God.

0:06:18 Murph: Why are we jumping on tables?

0:06:18 Emily: It’s a table!

0:06:20 Brennan: It's not too hard, so you go to jump, and you kind of scramble a little bit, but then you get up there, it cost you an extra 5 feet of movement.

0:06:29 Zac: I'm gonna take a swing at this little corn cutie.

0:06:31 Corn Cutie: [snarling] [snorting]

0:06:32 Ally: Awww!

0:06:32 Gorgug: Aaahhh!

0:06:33 Emily: What a cutie!

0:06:36 Brennan: It's scary. Goddammit.

0:06:38 Emily: I love them, I'd never think about hurting them.

0:06:39 Zac: I'm sorry for hitting something so--

0:06:40 Brennan: Don't you get it, they're bad corn.

0:06:42 Ally: I'm almost positive I had a corn stuffed animal as like, my primary friend for a long time.

0:06:46 Brennan: Look, this is frightening, and you're all frightened. Let's go ahead and roll that attack roll.

0:06:51 Zac: That's a 10.

0:06:53 Corn Cutie: [snarls and flails his arms]

0:06:55 Brennan: And the thing sort of flaps its corn husk wings and jumps out of the way.

0:07:00 Zac: He's so cute.

0:07:01 Brennan: It's like one of those animals which is moving so fast that it's scary.

0:07:05 Emily: No, it's cute.

0:07:08 Brennan: Riz.

0:07:10 Murph: I'm gonna try to, let me see if I can get around this guy. [counting tiles as he moves his mini] 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. Can I get back-- Actually, can I try to get back up around here?

0:07:20 Brennan: Go ahead and make an Acrobatics check.

0:07:22 Murph: Acrobatics? Oh boy, this hasn't been going well for people.

0:07:24 Emily: Aw man, this table is--

0:07:24 Ally: Aye!

0:07:25 Murph: Oh, I got good stuff too. 17.

0:07:27 Brennan: You're used to having to get up on big stuff, you nimbly flip up there on the table.

0:07:32 Riz: I'm always jumping on tables, guys.

0:07:33 Murph: And then I'm gonna stab this little corn cutie with my rapier.

0:07:37 Brennan: Go for it.

0:07:40 Murph: 12?

0:07:42 Brennan: 12 is not gonna do it.

0:07:42 Murph: Fucking corn!

0:07:45 Ally: What do you add to this?

0:07:45 Riz: Plus 6.

0:07:46 Brennan: You rolled, but my friend, you roll advantage 'cause you're flanking.

0:07:50 Murph: Oh, dope.

0:07:51 Ally: Ayeee.

0:07:52 Murph: Yes, 25.

0:07:53 Brennan: That'll do it!

0:07:54 Murph: Okay, so I get sneak attack, and my d8. 9.

0:08:00 Brennan: You guys see that Riz, the "Briefcase Kid", leaps onto the table and skewers this, and you see the kernels fall off a naked cob, as the husk dries and withers.

0:08:17 Riz: Sorry, everyone.

0:08:17 Emily: Fucked up.

0:08:20 Ally: One corn down.

0:08:23 Brennan: That'll be the corn gremlins.

0:08:25 Emily: Damn, they rolled better than me?

0:08:26 Lou: You got beat by the corn cuties.

0:08:29 Zac: Oh, I didn't even notice there's a corn cutie over there.

0:08:31 Siobhan: There’s one over here.

0:08:31 Murph: Yeah, there's a corn cutie back there.

0:08:33 Brennan: [counting movement for corn cutie minis] One, two, three, four.

0:08:37 Siobhan: Oh shit.

0:08:39 Brennan: One, two, three, four. This one's only got one, two, three.

0:08:46 Emily: Motherfucker. BL Oh look, this little guy's gonna jump off of here. ???: Aw.

0:08:51 Brennan: One, two, three, four. This one's gonna take a swing at Fig.

0:08:58 Fig: Bring it on!

0:09:00 Brennan: And just misses just as you hold up your guitar, as he's--

0:09:07 Emily: Bass guitar.

0:09:09 Brennan: Sorry. Kristen.

0:09:13 Ally: Alright. This is really confusing to me because I worship the corn God, so in a way these all look like little angels. I think I'm going to jump up on the table, so that I'm flanking that corn God who's attacking her.

0:09:29 Brennan: Sure, go give me the Athletics check.

0:09:33 Ally: 5, plus, what do I add to it?

0:09:36 Brennan: You add your Dexterity modifier.

0:09:38 Murph: Oh my God, you got a 2.

0:09:38 Ally: Negative 3, so I have a 2.

0:09:42 Lou: We're not good at jumping.

0:09:44 Emily: [waving her hands] Everyone stop jumping on tables.

0:09:46 Ally: I'm holding a staff everyone, I'm holding a large staff.

0:09:47 Brennan: You go for it, and your staff gets stuck in between the bench and the table and you don't quite make it all the way up there. But you didn't roll a nat 1, so you didn't fall down.

0:09:59 Lou: I have excellent Acrobatics. [clapping for emphasis] Every other time, if I rolled any other number than 1, I would have nailed it.

0:10:08 Brennan: Kristen can go ahead, so you don't make it to the table so you're not flanking, but you still can take an action.

0:10:12 Ally: Okay, I can still attack it or something?

0:10:14 Brennan: You still attack, yes.

0:10:14 Ally: Okay. Ugh, God I'm sorry, cutie. Okay, I'm gonna attack with my staff, I guess. 9.

0:10:22 Brennan: That is not gonna do it. You whiff, missing the corn gremlin. Fig, that's gonna be you.

0:10:28 Emily: Alright, I'm looking straight at Doreen and I'm saying,

0:10:32 Fig: You're just another maternal figure that has let me down.

0:10:37 Emily: And I'm gonna let this cute adorable ear of corn take an attack of opportunity on me, as I run forward towards Doreen.

0:10:45 Brennan: It takes a swing. What's your armor class?

0:10:48 Emily: 12.

0:10:49 Brennan: Yeah it's gonna hit for sure.

0:10:50 Emily: But I can still run though, right? Or did that stop me?

0:10:51 Brennan: Yes you can! It deals you 3 points of damage with a nasty, serrated, corn husk leaf claw.

0:10:58 Emily: Adorable, adorable. I wink at it, it's so cute.

0:11:04 Corn Cutie: I'm not!

0:11:06 Siobhan: ???

0:11:08 Emily: And then I'm just gonna come to here, and I'm gonna cast Dissonant Whispers on Doreen. She's gotta make a saving throw, or take 3d6 psychic damage.

0:11:18 Murph: Wow.

0:11:18 Ally: Wow.

0:11:19 Brennan: Whoa, Dissonant Whispers.

0:11:21 Emily: That's right.

0:11:21 Zac: Can I see it?

0:11:23 Emily: And I say,

0:11:23 Fig: Doreen, why did you bring these innocent corn into this?

0:11:29 Ally: [laughs] Think of the corndren!

0:11:31 Murph: I'm worried that this corn monster is gonna make more corn babies.

0:11:34 Ally: Oh, motherfucker.

0:11:36 Zac: Yeah, I'm worried about these tables.

0:11:38 Murph: These tables are the real enemy.

0:11:39 Ally: Who's been waxing them, and why can't we all jump onto them?

0:11:44 Brennan: So, go ahead and roll 3d6.

0:11:50 Emily: Okay, uh, 7.

0:11:54 Brennan: How do you cast your spell, how do you cast Dissonant Whispers?

0:11:57 Emily: I would play like a sick Les Claypool from Primus bass guitar riff, just like ba-doom.

0:12:07 Brennan: Waves of psychic energy.

0:12:09 Zac: And it’s so sick!

0:12:11 Emily: It's so sick, it's got like a really good rhythm.

0:12:12 Murph: If it were a regular guitar, it would be so sick.

0:12:15 Emily: [imitates bass guitar]

0:12:18 Brennan: Waves of extremely low, deep energy emanate from your bass guitar.

0:12:25 Emily: And I do as much of a split as I can while I'm doing it.

0:12:28 Ally: But it's like that awkward, you kind of stopped 'cause you thought it would go deeper.

0:12:31 Emily: I'd never done one before.

0:12:31 Brennan: There's like one knee there. Ba-ba-ba-boom. Doreen is hit with psychic energy, and injured, but not as badly as she otherwise would have been.

0:12:40 Doreen: [picking at her ear] You're gonna have to try harder than that, sweetie. [laughs]

0:12:44 Fig: Why did you inspire me if you had this plan?

0:12:50 Brennan: Make an Insight check for me, if you'd be so kind.

0:12:53 Emily: Okay, ooh we're looking at, it's gonna be a 22.

0:13:00 Brennan: 22?

0:13:00 Emily: Yeah.

0:13:01 Brennan: As you ask the question, you look at Doreen, and see that there is no recognition in her eyes of what you're talking about.

0:13:09 Ally: Spooky!

0:13:10 Emily: I shout to everyone, I say

0:13:10 Fig: Guys, it's not Doreen, the corn is what's bad.

0:13:14 Kristen: We already knew that!

0:13:14 Fig: Doreen is just the conduit!

0:13:19 Murph: She’s corn again

0:13:21 Zac: Corn again! [squelching sound effects]

0:13:23 Ally: He’s got an asshole, ewwwww.

0:13:24 Zac: He's got a butt hole.

0:13:25 Emily: He's like glam rock.

0:13:26 Zac: He's got a couple of butt holes.

0:13:28 Emily: Covered in butt holes!

0:13:28 Brennan: You guys see this ooze indeed has multiple butt holes. It moves--

0:13:35 Emily: Oh, and little corns come out of that.

0:13:37 Corn Ooze: Bluh, bluh bluh bluh bluh.

0:13:39 Murph: I'm gonna stab him in the corn hole.

0:13:42 Ally: Oh no.

0:13:43 Brennan: It ignores all of you guys, and heads over here to this door.

0:13:47 Emily: What does he want from there, get more corn?

0:13:49 Murph: He's gonna corn the door. I don't know what that does.

0:13:51 Lou: I don't know what that verb is, but he's gotta do it.

0:13:53 Murph: He's gonna corn the door.

0:13:54 Brennan: And you see that the butt holes all over the corn ooze's body tremble, quiver. [bubbling noises] [splattering noises]

0:14:02 Murph: He's making corn babies.

0:14:04 Ally: No! You fucking knew it!

0:14:05 Brennan: New little corn babies pop out.

0:14:08 Ally: I was gonna try to throw corn into that.

0:14:09 Murph: We gotta kill this corn mom.

0:14:11 Lou: Yep.

0:14:12 Brennan: That's gonna go back to Fabian.

0:14:13 Lou: Well, I get up, polish myself off, then I make sure everyone's watching, and I go to vault this other table to get to that corn gremlin.

0:14:23 Emily: Oh, shit, wait!

0:14:26 Murph: [laughing] Okay! We're all gonna die!

0:14:27 Brennan: Go ahead and roll an Acrobatics.

0:14:29 Lou: Fuck you, I'm good at this. 13, plus-- 19!

0:14:34 Emily: Nice.

0:14:36 Brennan: So Fabian, what do you say as you're about to vault?

0:14:38 Fabian: Everyone, look, I'm good!

0:14:42 Emily: We're all distracted, and all get attacked.

0:14:43 Brennan: You effortlessly back flip, three flips in the air, bam, and land in the space next to this corn gremlin. Go ahead and make your attack.

0:14:54 Lou: Hell yeah. 9.

0:14:58 Brennan: That's gonna be a miss. I think you spend way too much time--

0:14:59 Lou: [laughing] Nailing the vault?

0:15:00 Brennan: [nodding] vaulting that the corn gremlin kinda goes like [snarling] and just sees exactly where you're gonna land and dips out of the way. Lunch lady Doreen looks at you.

0:15:19 Ally: [quietly] This is awesome.

0:15:20 Brennan: [laughs]

0:15:21 Ally: I'm sorry, it just hit me, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. This is so fucking cool.

0:15:23 Brennan: This is a good game, people have been playing this game for many years, thus, it's very good.

0:15:26 Ally: Prove it.

0:15:29 Emily: Since the Renaissance, actually.

0:15:31 Ally: Really?

0:15:32 Emily: Just kidding.

0:15:32 Lou: Da Vinci invented the game.

0:15:34 Ally: Wait, what?

0:15:35 Brennan: Lunch lady Doreen moves to the steam table and goes,

0:15:38 Doreen: [to Fig] I was never a role model for anybody, sweetheart. I make the rules now.

0:15:45 Fig: Don't you remember me, I played the drums and you thought I was pretty good.

0:15:49 Doreen: You know what, I think you're in for a little surprise!

0:15:54 Brennan: Dips her ladle in the tuna surprise.

0:15:56 Emily: I open my mouth.

0:15:58 Kristen: No, don't do it, don't!

0:16:00 Brennan: What's your armor class?

0:16:00 Lou: God, what're you thinking?

0:16:01 Emily: 12. [laughing]

0:16:02 Brennan: 12? You are dealt 7 points--

0:16:10 Zac: No!

0:16:14 Siobhan: [looks over with alarm] Oh my God, you died.

0:16:15 Brennan: -- of acid damage as hot, steaming, fiery-- Emily reaches over to lay Fig to rest on the cafeteria floor.

0:16:17 Murph: Did you go down?

0:16:18 Zac: She was at 6.

0:16:18 Emily: Bye, bitches!

0:16:21 Brennan: Were you injured?

0:16:22 Emily: Yeah.

0:16:22 Zac: Yeah, she got hit by this one, took an attack or opportunity.

0:16:24 Brennan: That's right, oh no.

0:16:24 Murph: You only have 10HP?

0:16:26 Zac: She has 9 total.

0:16:28 Murph: Level 1 is nuts.

0:16:28 Zac: Yikes.

0:16:30 Brennan: [too pleased with himself] Ooh. This is going bad.

0:16:32 Ally: I have spells that I can help you with though.

0:16:34 Emily: So I'm just down to 0, right?

0:16:36 Brennan: You're not dead, you're just unconscious and need to make death saving throws. Every turn you're unconscious you roll a d20. Three successes stabilize, but you remain unconscious. Three failures, you're permanently dead. Now, Adaine, what do you do?

0:16:50 Siobhan: I'm going to go one, two, three, four, five, six, and then cast, or try to cast Witch Bolt on this corn machine over here.

0:17:00 Lou: Corn machine.

0:17:02 Brennan: Yeah, go for it, go ahead, and I believe Witch Bolt is an attack roll, yes?

0:17:07 Siobhan: It is, and I have plus 6 spell attack bonus.

0:17:11 Brennan: Go ahead and roll an attack.

0:17:13 Siobhan: 11?

0:17:14 Brennan: 11 hits, this thing is a big ol' ooze.

0:17:18 Siobhan: 1d12.

0:17:20 Brennan: Yes, 1d12 lightning damage, go ahead and roll that.

0:17:23 Siobhan: 8.

0:17:25 Brennan: Adaine, you step forward, raise your goofily large orb aloft, and [electric buzzing] lightning shoots forth from the orb, [roars] and the ooze screams out in pain.

0:17:39 Siobhan: Can I duck under this table, or at least duck behind the table?

0:17:43 Emily: You could duck under my dead body.

0:17:48 Brennan: Unfortunately, you've used your action. You did a very heroic thing, and now that's what's going on with you.

0:17:51 Siobhan: Great, I'm brave.

0:17:53 Brennan: That's gonna be Gorgug.

0:17:55 Zac: Okay, I'm going to… Just 'cause I want you [gestures to the Kristen mini] to be able to get closer, I'm going to move to here.

0:18:05 Brennan: Cool.

0:18:05 Zac: And attack that corn cutie that's coming at you.

0:18:08 Ally: Nice. Thanks, pal.

0:18:10 Zac: And that one’s like five--

0:18:11 Brennan: They're called corn gremlins, they called corn gremlins.

0:18:14 Zac: Oh, I'm hearing cutie.

0:18:14 Ally: What a little cutie.

0:18:15 Siobhan: Yeah, corn cutie.

0:18:16 Brennan: Goddammit.

0:18:19 Zac: 20. Not natural 20.

0:18:20 Brennan: Not natural. That's gonna do it, go ahead and roll damage.

0:18:24 Zac: One d12.

0:18:24 Emily: [deepening her voice] Fuck them up.

0:18:26 Ally: [under their breath] Fuck him up.

0:18:26 Emily: Make some popcorn outta that guy.

0:18:29 Zac: I hit him for 9.

0:18:31 Brennan: You look at this little corn thing going like (snarls) (poofs) and the cob is shorn in half.

0:18:40 Zac: Yes.

0:18:40 Brennan: And the tall, lanky, loner kid behind you with the great axe has just cleaved this fucking corn cutie in half.

0:18:49 Ally: Fuck yeah, I mean, shoot. Freaking heck yeah. Shoot yes.

0:18:56 Brennan: That's now going to be Riz. Ally air fives Zac. He air fives back.

0:18:59 Murph: Cool, I am going to, how close would I have to get to shoot this dude?

0:19:04 Brennan: I think the range--

0:19:05 Murph: It's like 80 feet, right?

0:19:06 Zac: Oh, can I yell something out, or is it too late?

0:19:10 Brennan: You can yell something out, yeah go for it.

0:19:12 Gorgug: I think he's going for the pantry.

0:19:16 Ally: Nice.

0:19:16 Fabian: [sarcastically] Thank you.

0:19:18 Gorgug: Did you guys not, okay we didn't talk about it.

0:19:19 Adaine: Yeah, we got it.

0:19:20 Murph: We gotta stop this corn blob.

0:19:21 Emily: [laughing] [lamenting] My lifeless corpse...

0:19:24 Murph: She shudders on the ground.

0:19:26 Gorgug: I just wanna make, just felt like...

0:19:30 Brennan: Your range on that thing is great, it's 80. You're good to go.

0:19:32 Murph: Okay, sweet. Cool, I guess I'll just shoot at him from back here.

0:19:37 Brennan: You might want to move out of the way of Fabian so you're not shooting past Fabian.

0:19:41 Murph: Yeah.

0:19:44 Lou: Please, I'd appreciate that.

0:19:44 Riz: Duck!

0:19:45 Murph: Alright cool, I'll move up to here then.

0:19:47 Brennan: Cool, you're jumping off another series of tables?

0:19:48 Murph: Do you want me to give Acrobatics?

0:19:51 Brennan: Yeah go ahead and give me an Acrobatics.

0:19:52 Murph: Or actually, I can kinda hide behind it, right?

0:19:53 Brennan: Yeah, you can hide behind it.

0:19:54 Lou: I love our insistence on being on top of tables.

0:19:56 Brennan: Go ahead and roll attack.

0:19:58 Murph: I'm aiming right for his corn hole. 9.

0:20:04 Brennan: That's not gonna do it.

0:20:06 Murph: [quietly] Fuck.

0:20:07 Brennan: You guys see Riz takes out a gun in school. Just a straight up gun, like an arquebus.

0:20:10 Gorgug: [yells]

0:20:13 Kristen: Jesus, Briefcase Kid!

0:20:15 Riz: It's a magic gun! It’s a magic gun, everyone.

0:20:17 Emily: “My cigarettes feel so tame now.” That's what I would say if I wasn't dead.

0:20:22 Brennan: These gremlins leap into action. [snarling] It's gonna be going for Adaine, and one, two, three, four.

0:20:29 Siobhan: Goodbye, everybody.

0:20:35 Emily: They look like little grasshoppers.

0:20:38 Brennan: What's your armor class?

0:20:40 Siobhan: [looks at her sheet] [looks back at Brennan with a trepid expression] 12.

0:20:40 Brennan: [cheerfully] 12? Ooh, that's not very good!

0:20:46 Emily: Grass poppers.

0:20:50 Brennan: 8 points of damage to Adaine.

0:20:51 Zac: Oh no!

0:20:52 Murph: Are you down?

0:20:52 Ally: Are you down?

0:20:54 Emily: You should’ve hid under my dead body.

0:20:56 Ally: Shit.

0:20:58 Brennan: Oof, boy.

0:21:01 Emily: No one look up my skirt while I'm down. It’s very--

0:21:05 Siobhan: If I'm on zero hit points, do I still have to do the death saves?

0:21:08 Brennan: You do, that’s correct. Kristen, that's gonna be you.

0:21:12 Ally: I'm actually gonna do Bless, can I do Bless for the…

0:21:16 Brennan: Yeah, so pick three creatures to cast Bless on.

0:21:19 Ally: Would they be like other characters that we’re in?

0:21:21 Brennan: Yep, absolutely.

0:21:21 Ally: Okay, so then everyone remaining that's standing has Bless now.

0:21:24 Zac: What's Bless do again?

0:21:26 Brennan: You add a d4 to pretty much every roll that you make.

0:21:27 Zac: Great.

0:21:28 Ally: Like saving or attack.

0:21:30 Brennan: Cool

0:21:30 Murph: Sweet.

0:21:30 Lou: Great.

0:21:31 Ally: Cool.

0:21:31 Zac: Great, great, great, great.

0:21:31 Ally: So there you go, guys.

0:21:33 Lou: Thank you.

0:21:33 Ally: Of course.

0:21:34 Brennan: Dope.

0:21:34 Ally: Thank God.

0:21:35 Brennan: Thank-- Hey, [looks up and points to the heavens] Helio. Thank, Helio.

0:21:38 Ally: Don't thank me.

0:21:38 Brennan: Thank Helio.

0:21:38 Ally: Thank Helio, thank Sol.

0:21:43 Brennan: That's now going to be, [to Ally] you also can take your move action this turn, if you like.

0:21:47 Ally: Yeah, I should get closer. I'll jump onto that first one.

0:21:53 Brennan: This one here?

0:21:54 Ally: I'll jump onto that first table.

0:21:57 Brennan: Which table here, this one here?

0:21:58 Ally: No...

0:22:00 Siobhan: Don't jump on any tables, just stay down.

0:22:00 Murph: If I'm in range of that, I'm adding a minus 3.

0:22:04 Emily: Jump on this table.

0:22:05 Brennan: I hope I haven't done anything as a dungeon master to insinuate that you have to jump on tables.

0:22:09 Ally: [ignoring him] Alright, I'm gonna roll to jump onto that table. 16.

0:22:13 Emily: Yeah, man!

0:22:15 Ally: And what's the other thing?

0:22:16 Brennan: Well, you did a minus 3, but that's good enough.

0:22:18 Ally: 13.

0:22:18 Brennan: 13, cool.

0:22:19 Lou: Hell yeah.

0:22:19 Brennan: Up on a table.

0:22:21 Emily: Get up on that table!

0:22:22 Lou: Tell you what, these corn cuties may be getting us, but these tables.

0:22:25 Ally: Yeah, these tables.

0:22:26 Lou: We're showing these tables.

0:22:26 Ally: Yeah. These took out two.

0:22:30 Brennan: Fig, I need you to make a death saving throw.

0:22:32 Emily: Okay, so what do I got, just like not a 1?

0:22:35 Brennan: Well no, 10 or higher is a success,

0:22:39 Emily: 14!

0:22:40 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:22:41 Brennan: It's a success.

0:22:41 Emily: Thank you, thank you, thank you.

0:22:43 Lou: [chanting] You're not dead,

0:22:44 Ally: [chanting] You're not dead.

0:22:45 Siobhan: [ominously] Yet. [gasps]

0:22:47 Brennan: That's now going to be the ooze. You guys see that the ooze lifts up a pseudo-paw to smash the door of the pantry.

0:22:58 Gorgug: It's going for the pantry.

0:22:59 Kristen: We know!

0:22:59 Adaine: We know that!

0:23:00 Fabian: Shut up.

0:23:01 Gorgug: I just… [sighs]

0:23:04 Brennan: Raises up a fist, boom! Hits the pantry door and the pantry door dents, but does not break.

0:23:15 Fabian: Hurry!

0:23:15 Brennan: Okay. That's gonna be Fabian.

0:23:19 Emily: Oh, he didn't make more corn babies this time.

0:23:21 Murph: Kill that corn monster.

0:23:22 Lou: I stab the corn monster.

0:23:24 Brennan: Go ahead and roll that d20 plus a d4 for Bless.

0:23:26 Emily: You got this.

0:23:27 Lou: 17.

0:23:27 Brennan: That'll do it, go ahead and roll damage.

0:23:30 Ally: Do we include the d4 on damage, or no.

0:23:32 Brennan: Not on damage, no.

0:23:32 Ally: Okay, cool.

0:23:35 Lou: 10.

0:23:38 Brennan: Skewered. I'm very sorry, on that last turn.

0:23:46 Emily: Aw, I thought.

0:23:46 Zac: I forgot about the corn.

0:23:50 Brennan: Only one. [players groan]

0:23:50 Murph: We gotta kill this big boy.

0:23:53 Ally: Yeah, what kind of damage does the big boy have so far? Does the big boy have any damage?

0:23:57 Brennan: The Witch Bolt, it has the Witch Bolt.

0:23:58 Siobhan: Yeah, I did 8 damage to it.

0:24:00 Ally: Nice. Okay, cool.

0:24:00 Emily: Take that.

0:24:03 Brennan: That's the lunch lady.

0:24:07 Ally: She pops out a corn.

0:24:09 Lou: [laughs] “Where did that-- Where did that come from?”

0:24:11 Emily: She gives a really realistic birth.

0:24:13 Siobhan: [pained grunting]

0:24:15 Ally: [breathing as if going into labor] “Someone hold my hand.” It takes hours. Like, we see what you're doing, please stop it.

0:24:22 Siobhan: So gross.

0:24:23 Murph: Brennan describes the whole thing.

0:24:26 Ally: That's the whole campaign, and we end on a cliff note.

0:24:27 Zac: The rest of the session.

0:24:28 Brennan: You see that Doreen looks at you Kristen, standing up on the table, and goes,

0:24:33 Doreen: Oh, hey there, little girl, you think you're chosen of the corn God? Well, I was blind but now you can't see.

0:24:43 Brennan: Fuwa! And a beam of sickly yellow light shoots out of her ladle. Make a Constitution saving throw.

0:24:50 Ally: Is that 20?

0:24:50 Murph: That is a d20, yeah.

0:24:51 Brennan: That is a d20, yes.

0:24:53 Ally: 20.

0:24:53 Murph: [more excited than Ally] Nat 20!

0:24:53 Ally: Nat 20.

0:24:55 Murph: Corn God!

0:24:57 Lou: Corn God. Corn God.

0:24:57 Murph: Divine corn-ervention.

0:25:00 Brennan: Hold on, let me just roll something real quick. You see that the light goes towards you, boom, the cafeteria is filled with light, and you guys smell the sweet, fresh smell of popcorn. Lunch lady Doreen is knocked back and hurled into the kitchen, smashing into the plates and falling to the ground as Helios intervenes on your behalf, is that state of a natural 20. You hear a voice in your head saying,

0:25:29 Voice: Kristen, I love you.

0:25:34 Kristen: I know.

0:25:35 Emily: Oh my God. Wait a second, so the corn God is a man.

0:25:40 Voice: Why did you assume I was a man, based on my-- ?

0:25:42 Kristen: That was a deep woman's voice.

0:25:43 Emily: Good, okay, I like that.

0:25:47 Brennan: Incredible, next is going to be Adaine, I need you to roll a death saving throw.

0:25:52 Emily: You got this, girl, I seen you roll.

0:25:55 Siobhan: [rolls crossing her fingers] ...Fuck. Siobhan throws her hands up and Zac grimaces.

0:25:57 Brennan: What'd you roll?

0:25:57 Siobhan: Nat 1.

0:25:58 Brennan: That is two failures. One more failure and Adaine is permanently dead.

0:26:03 Emily: Oh my God.

0:26:04 Brennan: Gorgug, that's gonna be you baby.

0:26:06 Emily: Should we all hold hands under the table?

0:26:07 Lou: Yes, let's do that.

0:26:09 Emily: The next time that Adaine has to roll.

0:26:11 Ally: You won't have to, 'cause I'm within touching distance and I have as many Spare the Dying as I need. Siobhan makes the sign of the cross.

0:26:18 Zac: I wanna attack this thing, but I don't think I can get there, so let me see. One, two, three, four, five, six, that's as far as I can move.

0:26:28 Brennan: That's as far as you can move, and you can either move further, or take a dodge action if you want.

0:26:34 Murph: Or you can swing at a corn cutie.

0:26:35 Zac: I'm gonna swing at that corn cutie. Right? I can do that.

0:26:38 Brennan: Oh, there's one right next to you, go for it.

0:26:39 Zac: Cool.

0:26:40 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:26:41 Zac: So, my two die.

0:26:43 Emily: [chanting] Cut that cutie. Cut that cutie.

0:26:45 Zac: I got 17.

0:26:45 Brennan: : Roll damage, baby.

0:26:46 All: [in unison] Cut that cutie, cut that cutie, cut that cutie!

0:26:51 Zac: I hit it for 9, wait,

0:26:56 Brennan: Bam! (smashing) Fucking corn goes everywhere, there's a huge axe incision deep into the tile floor.

0:27:04 Zac: I say a little, just to myself,

0:27:04 Gorgug: [under his breath] Not so cute anymore, are you?

0:27:11 Riz: What did you say, man? Huh?

0:27:12 Kristen: What did you say?

0:27:13 Riz: You said something really quiet.

0:27:14 Fabian: What did you say?

0:27:14 Kristen: You're still holding your flower.

0:27:16 Riz: To the corn. What did you say to the corn?

0:27:18 Gorgug: [holding up his flower] In the pantry!

0:27:18 Fabian: Oh, it’s the pantry? The thing’s going to the pantry?

0:27:19 Riz: Yeah, okay. Cool.

0:27:19 Fabian: Great, great.

0:27:22 Ally: [laughing] “It's going to the pantry.”

0:27:24 Brennan: That's gonna now be Riz.

0:27:25 Gorgug: I'm pretty sure it's going to the--

0:27:25 Murph: I'm going to, just in case things get crazy at the pantry, I'm gonna try to get a little closer. How close can I get here, 5, 10, 20.

0:27:37 Emily: You could always hide under my dead body, I'm offering that.

0:27:39 Murph: I'm gonna try to get here, and try to shoot this guy in the corn hole.

0:27:42 Lou: Shoot him in the corn hole. You get a four also. Ooh, aim for the corn hole.

0:27:47 Murph: Oh yeah, sweet. - Thank you for Blessing us.

0:27:49 Kristen: Oh yeah, don't thank me. - Oh, yeah, dice is 27. - Thank God.

0:27:54 Brennan: And you're shooting into the corn hole?

0:27:55 Murph: I'm shooting him right in the corn hole.

0:27:58 Lou: Damage that corn hole.

0:27:59 Ally: Yeah, for God.

0:28:01 Murph: 9.

0:28:03 Brennan: 9 damage, you see that...

0:28:07 Emily: What if the next corn baby that comes out just has a bullet in its face.

0:28:09 Ally: And it goes, “Thanks for nothing.”

0:28:11 Brennan: You fire your gun at him, (gunshot) boom, your bullet shoots into the ooze, and you see it go. It seems like it didn't like it, but it seems like you wanted that to do a lot, you were trying to do your rogue sneak attack, like where are this thing's vital points, and it's sort of like, it's a big ball of creamed corn. But does seem injured, but just not as injured as you woulda liked.

0:28:34 Murph: Great. Can I hide under the table, I guess I'll try to hide.

0:28:37 Brennan: Cool, go for it.

0:28:39 Ally: Nice!

0:28:41 Murph: So much. 26.

0:28:43 Brennan: Whew, hell yeah.

0:28:47 Ally: What happened to the lunch lady?

0:28:49 Lou: She got knocked back by God.

0:28:50 Emily: You-- You--

0:28:50 Ally: I mean, I know what happened, thank you Helio, but is she, so she's knocked out?

0:28:57 Brennan: You don't know yet, you just saw her dip behind there.

0:29:00 Ally: [deeply] K.O.

0:29:01 Brennan: This guy's going for you, both of these guys are going for Riz.

0:29:06 Murph: Didn't I hide?

0:29:07 Brennan: You did hide, but it just gives them disadvantage.

0:29:09 Murph: Oh, okay.

0:29:09 Emily: That is really embarrassing.

0:29:11 Brennan: Y’know what, I'll make Perception checks for them to see if they see you, but if they do then you'll still get the disadvantage.

0:29:14 Emily: You hide and then still get hit.

0:29:17 Ally: And they just find you.

0:29:17 Emily: They just kick you under the table.

0:29:18 Brennan: What's your Stealth roll?

0:29:23 Murph: 18, 26.

0:29:24 Brennan: Jesus. No they don't see you. You did under the table so all these guys are coming for Kristen.

0:29:29 Ally: Oh no. It's okay, I'm strong.

0:29:33 Murph: You got a lot of AC, 18?

0:29:35 Brennan: Gorgug, what's your AC?

0:29:36 Zac: 13.

0:29:38 Brennan: : You take four points of damage. Two of these guys going for Kristen, yours is 18, right?

0:29:47 Ally: Yeah.

0:29:50 Brennan: Your halo glows with holy light, and these gremlins find no purchase on your sacred body. [snarling] You see that the light glows so bright that one of the kernels on one of them goes [popping] and it goes [screeches] and screams.

0:30:05 Ally: Wait, that's a possibility?

0:30:07 Brennan: This one goes for Fabian,

0:30:07 Lou: I think we're all gonna convert by the end.

0:30:10 Emily: I know.

0:30:12 Ally: It's not hard to live this life, you just have to believe.

0:30:13 Brennan: What's your armor?

0:30:13 Lou: 16.

0:30:14 Brennan: You effortlessly dodge as this gremlin takes a swipe at you.

0:30:16 Fabian: Aha!

0:30:18 Brennan: That's now going to be Kristen, that's you.

0:30:21 Ally: Cool, can I bolt through these corn people, the cuties I mean, or do I have to deal with them.

0:30:28 Brennan: They'll get attacks on you, if you leave their threatened area.

0:30:31 Emily: You do have a high AC though.

0:30:33 Brennan: Yeah, I'm gonna do it, 'cause I would just need to touch.

0:30:35 Murph: She's gonna die.

0:30:36 Siobhan: You gotta touch me, baby.

0:30:37 Ally: I gotta touch you, baby.

0:30:38 Lou: [singing] ♪ Touch me baby ♪

0:30:39 Emily: Ooh. It is nice that Healing is touch.

0:30:43 Brennan: They get free attacks on you, and these gremlins are too overpowered by the light.

0:30:47 Lou: [clapping for emphasis] What is happening? Is God real? I guess so.

0:30:51 Siobhan: This specific God.

0:30:53 Lou: This specific God, the corn one is real.

0:30:56 Murph: All of our characters just believe in corn God now. Just confirmed.

0:30:59 Emily: I definitely, it's hard to not.

0:31:01 Brennan: Kristen's arc of converting you all was accomplished in the first two episodes of this show.

0:31:04 Murph: Yeah, we're done, this is it, the game's over, y’all.

0:31:06 Emily: The rest of it is just us converting other people.

0:31:08 Brennan: Kristen, you can go ahead and roll that Cure Wounds spell if you like.

0:31:10 Ally: Oh cool, and do I add this bless thing to it?

0:31:13 Brennan: You do not, oh, but you have the life domain, so you actually add an additional two. So it's 1d8 plus 6.

0:31:18 Ally: 1. Plus...

0:31:20 Brennan: Adaine regains 7 hit points, and no longer has the...

0:31:24 Murph: Yeah. She back.

0:31:24 Emily: Nice girl.

0:31:25 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:31:27 Emily: From death's door to some way alive.

0:31:30 Ally: You’re welcome. It was nice to touch you.

0:31:36 Brennan: Amazing from Kristen, Fig go ahead and make that save for me.

0:31:39 Emily: Okay. 5, that's a failure.

0:31:41 Brennan: That's a failure. The ooze reaches up its hand.

0:31:49 Emily: Am I seeing anything, am I having visions of my demon daddy or anything like that?

0:31:54 Ally: [laughing] Demon daddy?

0:31:55 Brennan: In death, as you're sitting there being slowly burned by--

0:32:01 Emily: By corn.

0:32:02 Brennan: By corn, or by tuna surprise, you hear a voice saying,

0:32:07 Voice: [deep, grumbly] Fig, can you hear me Fig? This thing on?

0:32:15 Emily: [laughing] This thing?

0:32:17 Voice: Hey, what do I, what should I call ya? Ya feeling alright, how ya feeling?

0:32:25 Emily: Can I talk back to it?

0:32:25 Brennan: Yeah, try to talk back.

0:32:27 Fig: Dad?

0:32:30 Voice: Fig?

0:32:30 Fig: Is that you, dad? Yeah, you can call me Fig.

0:32:34 Voice: What's wrong with you?

0:32:36 Fig: Oh, I'm gonna die 'cause corn.

0:32:41 Voice: That'll happen sometimes, listen kiddo. I gotta go.

0:32:44 Fig: Wait, no, we just, but I haven’t even met you. [motorcycle revving]

0:32:49 Fig: Is that your motorcycle? My dad drives a motorcycle? Oh my God.

0:32:53 Brennan: All you guys just see Fig kinda smiling, blood is just flowing down her nose.

0:32:58 Ally: Oh God.

0:33:00 Gorgug: We gotta help her.

0:33:03 Brennan: You see that the ooze reaches it's pseudo-paw back, and wham! On the door again. And the door indents further, does not fully bust through.

0:33:12 Lou: Ooh, baby.

0:33:12 Ally: Hell yeah. We’ve got one more chance at this.

0:33:15 Siobhan: What's he even gonna do when he gets in there?

0:33:17 Brennan: Fabian, that's gonna be you.

0:33:18 Lou: If I ran for the ooze, there would be an attack of opportunity from the corn thing?

0:33:23 Brennan: That's correct, yes.

0:33:26 Lou: Yeah, I'm gonna sprint at the ooze, and jump and double fist my rapier into one of the butt holes.

0:33:35 Murph: I've been working on this butt hole, so.

0:33:38 Brennan: One, two, three, four, five, go for it.

0:33:42 Lou: Great.

0:33:44 Zac: Plus the four, plus the four.

0:33:46 Lou: 11.

0:33:48 Brennan: 11 to hit the ooze, that hits. Yeah, he ain't wearing armor. Oh by the way, what's your armor class? Doesn't matter the corn gremlin does not hit you.

0:33:54 Lou: Great, do I add a Bless to my, not to the damage roll, right?

0:33:58 Brennan: Not to the damage roll.

0:33:59 Lou: Great. 12.

0:34:04 Murph: Nice.

0:34:04 Brennan: Ooh, shit, you see that the ooze does not like that, [monstrous grunting] and considers wheeling around to face you.

0:34:18 Emily: Whoa.

0:34:20 Brennan: You see that the lunch lady, gets up--

0:34:22 Lou: Please come touch me with that ooze.

0:34:24 Brennan: -- rushes forward, one, two, three, four. Or, it is three here, and she's gonna go ahead and automatically hit Fabian for 6 points of damage, as a bunch of hot tater tots skewer out of her ladle.

0:34:46 Ally: Tater tots.

0:34:48 Fabian: You didn't mention those were on the menu. I didn't know those were a choice. I would've chosen those.

0:34:54 Doreen: I make them for myself, and only I eat them. All by myself, 'cause I'm crazy.

0:34:59 Fabian: [unimpressed] Uh-huh.

0:35:01 Brennan: Adaine, it's gonna be you.

0:35:02 Siobhan: I don't know if I can do this, but can I try to use Mage Hand to pull the ladle out of her hand? Is that an allowed thing with Mage Hand?

0:35:13 Brennan: You know what, the ladle's less than 5 pounds. I will make it an opposed, it'll be Doreen's primary caster modifier, so roll Intelligence plus proficiency, and she will roll her Charisma plus proficiency.

0:35:28 Siobhan: Plus 2, great.

0:35:30 Zac: So, plus 6 total.

0:35:33 Siobhan: 22.

0:35:34 Brennan: Wow, you reach your hand out and (whooshing) the ladle leaves her hand and goes wha-bam, hits you. She goes,

0:35:42 Doreen: No the source of all my power! I need that for my power!

0:35:48 Kristen: She's really laying it out for us. It coulda gone either way.

0:35:50 Gorgug: Guys I think the ladle was the source of her power!

0:35:53 Kristen: Gorgug, we know.

0:35:56 Doreen: Aw, dangit, Doreen, you're so bad at being evil.

0:36:03 Brennan: Gorgug, it is your turn.

0:36:05 Zac: I'm just gonna kill this one right here.

0:36:08 Brennan: Cool, go for it.

0:36:09 Zac: Just to make sure you can save her. That's 14 plus 5.

0:36:13 Brennan: That'll do it, roll damage.

0:36:18 Murph: Kill him.

0:36:20 Zac: I got, uh, 8.

0:36:23 Brennan: Gone, this guy right here? [points to a mini]

0:36:25 Zac: Yeah.

0:36:26 Brennan: : Toast. [removes the mini] Zac silently holds up victory signs and flexes them once, like scissors.

0:36:29 Ally: Sweet.

0:36:29 Brennan: Riz, that is your turn.

0:36:30 Murph: Alright, so to get sneak attack, I need to go around in front of him? To be flanking him?

0:36:34 Brennan: Yes, to be flanking you gotta get to the other side.

0:36:37 Murph: Okay, I'll just shoot him from here.

0:36:38 Ally: Jump on the table.

0:36:40 Emily: [chanting] Jump on the table.

0:36:40 Zac: [joining in] Jump on the table.

0:36:40 Emily: Jump on the table.

0:36:40 Lou: Yeah, that's what we want.

0:36:41 Ally: Roll for the table. This is a roll for the table, huh?

0:36:42 Murph: [not having it] I'm not rolling for the table, no.

0:36:43 Emily: He’s rolling to jump on the table.

0:36:43 Murph: This isn't fun time, this is kill a corn mommy time.

0:36:44 Lou: Are we still blessed?

0:36:47 Ally: You get on the table!

0:36:50 Murph: 17 to hit.

0:36:51 Brennan: That hits.

0:36:51 Murph: Okay. 6 damage.

0:36:57 Brennan: Bam, this thing screams out. [monstrous groaning] That is now going to be, the corn gremlin's turn. This one's gonna fly over to you, [moves mini closer to Kristen and Gorgug] this guy's going for Gorgug, this one’s going for Kristen. Riz, what's your armor class?

0:37:19 Murph: 15.

0:37:21 Brennan: You take 4 points of damage from a corn gremlin that attacks you. Gorgug, what's your AC?

0:37:27 Zac: 13.

0:37:29 Brennan: One deals you 4 points of damage.

0:37:32 Zac: That's 6.

0:37:34 Brennan: And Kristen?

0:37:36 Ally: 18.

0:37:37 Brennan: One of them slashes you.

0:37:38 Emily: What?

0:37:38 Brennan: For three points of damage.

0:37:40 Lou: Oh thank God, okay then, the God's not real. That was just a fluke.

0:37:48 Brennan: That is now going to be, look at these little... I find them spooky.

0:37:52 Siobhan: So cute.

0:37:53 Brennan: Kristen, that's gonna be you.

0:37:55 Ally: Okay, great. I am going to... Should I just take out a corn guy, or-- [to Emily] how many rolls do you have of death?

0:38:05 Emily: If I were to roll a 1, I would be dead.

0:38:09 Ally: Yeah, okay, I'll go to her.

0:38:10 Emily: But I probably won't roll a 1.

0:38:11 Zac: I mean probably.

0:38:12 Ally: Just in case though.

0:38:13 Emily: It's kinda fun to tempt the fates. I'm not gonna roll a 1.

0:38:14 Zac: Save her!

0:38:15 Lou: I mean you can go hang out with your dad.

0:38:17 Siobhan: Jesus Christ.

0:38:18 Lou: I mean, this is, I’m all about--

0:38:19 Ally: This is your last chance to ask me to just save you,

0:38:21 Brennan: [to the camera] Living on the edge.

0:38:23 Ally: 'Cause I will, I'll just save you.

0:38:24 Murph: I think save her.

0:38:25 Emily: I'm not gonna roll a 1.

0:38:29 Brennan: Ally.

0:38:29 Murph: She's gonna roll a 1.

0:38:30 Brennan: What does Kristen do?

0:38:33 Ally: Wait, if she dies, she's out for the whole campaign?

0:38:34 Murph: Yeah.

0:38:35 Siobhan: Yeah.

0:38:35 Zac: [covering his eyes] She's dead forever.

0:38:36 Ally: That's insane.

0:38:36 Emily: I'm not gonna roll a 1.

0:38:38 Lou: That chair will be empty for the next 6 episodes.

0:38:41 Emily: I would be out, I wouldn't get to roll a new character?

0:38:43 Brennan: No, no, no, no, no. We'd get you a new character, maybe.

0:38:45 Emily: Yeah, maybe.

0:38:45 Zac: Maybe, ha!

0:38:47 Ally: I'm going to go for that corn baby. [laughs] I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm gonna save her, I'm gonna save her.

0:38:54 Emily: I'm not gonna roll a 1.

0:38:56 Ally: I'm gonna go for Spare the Dying.

0:38:58 Brennan: One of the corns takes a swipe at you, and misses. Go ahead, you automatically cast the spell, you lean down, and once again the smell of sweet corn fills your nostrils, As the sound of your dad's motorcycle fades away.

0:39:13 Fig: [gasps] I was with my dad.

0:39:16 Brennan: I believe spare the dying keeps you at 0.

0:39:19 Emily: Okay.

0:39:20 Brennan: So, but you're like part there, but you're stable now, your saves are erased. This ooze… smashes the door.. (roaring) (crashes) Bam.

0:39:36 Murph: What?

0:39:38 Zac: Whoa!

0:39:38 Lou: That's so cool.

0:39:39 Emily: What do we got, what do we got?

0:39:40 Siobhan: Look at the tons of corn.

0:39:42 Emily: Barrels of corn. I played my drums on them.

0:39:44 Ally: Oh no.

0:39:45 Brennan: And it moves right on in there, and starts, it hasn't put anything in it's mouth yet, but oh baby is it in there. That is now going to go back to the top of the order, Fabian.

0:39:59 Lou: Can I use Second Wind?

0:40:00 Brennan: Yes you may.

0:40:02 Lou: That's d10 plus, yeah, d10 plus level. Does Bless apply here, or just the d10?

0:40:10 Brennan: I don’t-- Bless does not apply.

0:40:11 Lou: Great. 10. Plus my level, it’s 11.

0:40:16 Brennan: Hell yeah, you regain.

0:40:18 Lou: Yeah back up, back up to max.

0:40:20 Brennan: Hell yeah. Oh, actually, I'm sorry, I forgot to roll on this thing’s last turn.

0:40:25 Lou: Oh my God, do I have to fight a corn cutie again?

0:40:27 Siobhan: Corn butts. [squelching and snarling]

0:40:34 Brennan: So yeah, you do that bonus action, you can move and take an action now, you can do whatever you like.

0:40:39 Lou: Oh, okay. Yeah, I mean we charge forward, as per usual, yeah.

0:40:50 Brennan: And are you moving to attack the ooze or the gremlins?

0:40:56 Lou: I want the ooze, I want the ooze.

0:40:57 Emily: Yeah buddy, get that ooze.

0:40:57 Lou: Will they both get attacks of opportunities?

0:40:59 Brennan: Depending on where you move, you can move this way and only one will get a swing at you.

0:41:02 Lou: I'll take that.

0:41:03 Brennan: Alright, bam, right up against this thing. It takes a swing at you, misses terribly. Go ahead and make your attack. Lou rolls as his seat neighbors watch.

0:41:08 Siobhan: Hell yeah.

0:41:13 Lou: 21.

0:41:13 Murph: Nice. Zac nods.

0:41:14 Brennan: That's gonna do it, go ahead and roll damage.

0:41:18 Murph: Nice! Ally gives a victory snap.

0:41:19 Lou: 14.

0:41:19 Ally: Fuck yeah.

0:41:20 Brennan: 14 damage? Jesus Christ. [a victorious pirate theme begins playing]

0:41:24 Murph: “Fabian is strong.” Riz thinks that in his head.

0:41:26 Ally: You guys are great.

0:41:28 Murph: “He's strong but mean.”

0:41:30 Brennan: You skewer deep into this thing, and you feel something, you go blade, hilt, your basket hilt, all the way to the corner, your arm goes like part of the way.

0:41:39 Fabian: Disgusting, abso-- Oh my God, oh my God, no.

0:41:41 Kristen: It's on your jacket!

0:41:42 Emily: Why the face!

0:41:43 Fabian: No, no, no, not on my pants.

0:41:45 Brennan: You feel yourself skewer something not of the same consistency. There is a brief little [pops] puncture of something deep at the end of your rapier. And this thing goes [monstrous yelling] and you see that all of the little corn gremlins go [screeching] and all turn their eyes to look at you.

0:42:13 Fabian: I-- Um-- There’s-- I-- I hit something, there's something inside of the-- Of the--

0:42:17 Kristen: You don't have to look so awkward about it, it was probably a good thing.

0:42:18 Fabian: No, I'm covered in fucking corn right now, alright!

0:42:21 Brennan: [moving Doreen’s mini] One, two, three, four, five, six.

0:42:26 Siobhan: Oh shit.

0:42:28 Brennan: She takes more than her move, she's gonna make an Acrobatics check to see if she can, she fucking faceplants.

0:42:36 Lou: Yeah!

0:42:38 Murph: Take that, lunch lady!

0:42:39 Gorgug: You're confusing.

0:42:40 Siobhan: Slippery ass tables.

0:42:41 Brennan: [arms moving as if sprinting] She just like fucking Terminator, like

0:42:43 Doreen: [one eye closed] [tongue sticking out] Gimme back my ladle!

0:42:43 Brennan: And, whap, [laughing] into the fucking table.

0:42:48 Ally: These tables are a character.

0:42:50 Siobhan: Do I have an attack of opportunity on her now?

0:42:52 Brennan: Yeah, fuck it, go for it.

0:42:53 Siobhan: Can I fucking whack her on the back of the head with the ladle?

0:42:56 Brennan: Go ahead, take your attack roll.

0:42:57 Emily: With her own ladle?

0:42:59 Zac: [mildly] That's just rude.

0:43:00 Emily: A lunch lady's worst nightmare.

0:43:01 Siobhan: 16 plus what?

0:43:05 Brennan: It doesn't matter, 16 hits.

0:43:06 Siobhan: 16, great.

0:43:07 Brennan: Go ahead and roll 1d4 plus your Dexterity modifier.

0:43:10 Siobhan: Great.

0:43:11 Lou: Fucking bop her.

0:43:12 Brennan: Ladle's a finesse weapon.

0:43:14 Siobhan: 4.

0:43:15 Brennan: 4, she fucking it's your day here in your prep school, private school uniform, and you fucking brain this old lady across the back of the head--

0:43:24 Ally: With her own ladle.

0:43:24 Brennan: With her own ladle! Blood splatters all over your refined Elven face.

0:43:30 Emily: Doreen!

0:43:32 Adaine: [horrified] [holding the ladle] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry!

0:43:36 Brennan: Every worst nightmare about this school has been completely confirmed, you walked out and witnessed a fight in your first 3 minutes of being here, stole something, had a panic attack, and just attacked one of the faculty.

0:43:48 Adaine: Oh my God, I'm Save the Last Dance.

0:43:51 Brennan: Gorgug, that's gonna be you.

0:43:52 Zac: I feel like I have to… clean up this area a little bit still, like I don't think I can actually get there and attack ‘em, still. But it seems like it's gonna get worse.

0:44:04 Ally: We kinda got it.

0:44:05 Zac: Okay.

0:44:06 Murph: He's gonna just keep pooping out corn babies.

0:44:08 Ally: Yeah.

0:44:09 Zac: I just like can't really get there.

0:44:10 Lou: There's something inside of it.

0:44:12 Ally: I mean, if you jump over the table, it's a pretty straight shot.

0:44:15 Zac: I'm at 6 health, so I'm worried that I'm just gonna get shellacked when I, yeah.

0:44:19 Murph: We all are level 1, I have 5 health.

0:44:22 Emily: I've been dead this entire time.

0:44:24 Murph: Yeah, she's dead. She saw her dad.

0:44:27 Ally: Well, you're at 0 now.

0:44:27 Emily: True.

0:44:29 Lou: Yeah, dude don't freak out.

0:44:31 Emily: So, I'm just passed out.

0:44:32 Brennan: What's the call, Gorgug?

0:44:34 Zac: I'm just gonna try to like, get to this one without doing the disengage.

0:44:39 Brennan: Alright, so this one's gonna get an attack on you. Give me the acrobatics to clear the table, you use Bless on that.

0:44:45 Zac: Yeah. I got 15.

0:44:47 Brennan: Go for it, yes. You vault over the table, your hoodie moving in the breeze as you sprint towards the corn gremlin. What's your armor class?

0:44:58 Zac: 13.

0:44:59 Brennan: 13. Little corn gremmy deals you 5 points of damage.

0:45:05 Zac: I'm at 1.

0:45:07 Brennan: As it shreds you with its leaves.

0:45:09 Ally: You gotta kill this next one.

0:45:11 Brennan: Go ahead and roll your attack, man.

0:45:13 Zac: Alright, fucking.

0:45:13 Ally: With Bless.

0:45:15 Zac: Come on y'all. Okay, Okay, 8 plus 5, 13?

0:45:21 Brennan: 13 exactly hits, go ahead and roll damage.

0:45:24 Emily: They have better AC than me.

0:45:27 Zac: I hit it for 8.

0:45:30 Brennan: You hit it for 8 points of damage,

0:45:31 Zac: Oh, I can throw--

0:45:32 Brennan: It is fucking severed, destroyed.

0:45:35 Ally: “You can throw,” is that what you said?

0:45:37 Zac: I can throw a hand axe I completely forgot to add this.

0:45:41 Brennan: That's going to be Riz.

0:45:42 Murph: Cool, how big is this thing's butt hole?

0:45:42 Brennan: It’s--

0:45:42 Murph: Goblin sized? Beat of silence.

0:45:48 Brennan: Yes.

0:45:48 Murph: Dope.

0:45:48 Brennan: This butt hole is goblin sized.

0:45:51 Murph: Riz is fucking diving in head first.

0:45:54 Ally: Yes.

0:45:55 Murph: Yep, just going right in his butt hole. I yell,

0:45:59 Riz: don't tell anyone about this,

0:46:01 Murph: And then I jump into it's butt.

0:46:03 Emily: Someone's getting a new nickname.

0:46:04 Brennan: Not really helping the ball nickname at this point.

0:46:07 Lou: Not at all.

0:46:08 Murph: I also roll up into a ball as I'm doing it.

0:46:10 Lou: Okay, The Ball.

0:46:12 Brennan: Now comes a moment as a Dungeon Master, where I have to consider what associated skill check is involved with jumping up a corn blob's butt hole. That's wild, that's really wild.

0:46:29 Emily: Animal Handling?

0:46:33 Murph: I'm just rapier out, up the ass.

0:46:37 Riz: Aha! (whooshing).

0:46:39 Brennan: I'm gonna need you to make a--

0:46:42 Zac: Persuasion check.

0:46:44 Lou: Persuasion!

0:46:44 Murph: Please allow me in your butt.

0:46:46 Emily: You must persuade the sphincter to gain entry. Charmin’. - I'm gonna need, it's not-- - Is it survival?

0:46:51 Zac: Acrobatics? Is it survival?

0:46:54 Murph: [laughing] Survival?

0:46:55 Brennan: [laughing] Survival. I think it's actually an Acrobatics check, I'm gonna need you to make an Acrobatics check and it's gonna be opposed by - I got Bless, I'm blessed. a Strength check from this thing.

0:47:02 Emily: Oh is it going to like, clench?

0:47:08 Brennan: Actually you know what, this is an important enough roll, that I'd like to bring out the Box of Doom. - Oh shit.

0:47:14 Siobhan: What is that? - What is the Box of Doom?

0:47:18 Brennan: Here on Fantasy High, when we have rolls of substance where everything hangs in the balance, we bring out our little friend, the box of doom. [dramatic music] This box is for important rolls, and we're gonna go ahead right here, put it in front of Murph,

0:47:31 Murph: Oh no, it’s so intimidating.

0:47:32 Ally: So cool.

0:47:34 Brennan: This thing gets a, a plus 4.

0:47:38 Murph: Okay, I also have a plus 4, I'm hashtag blessed.

0:47:43 Brennan: You are hashtag blessed.

0:47:43 Murph: Hashtag blessed.

0:47:46 Brennan: So you're gonna roll both those dice in the box of doom, I'm gonna roll mine, whoever rolls higher will determine what happens. One, two, three.

0:47:51 Ally: Yes!

0:47:56 Murph: 21, I'm up his ass! (cheering)

0:47:59 Lou: He's up his ass! (squelching)

0:48:02 Murph: And I yell to Fabian,

0:48:02 Riz: I'm doing this because of you!

0:48:07 Fabian: Do not implicate me in this in any way.

0:48:09 Riz: You figured it out, we need to go in it's ass.

0:48:12 Fabian: I didn't figure that out.

0:48:12 Riz: Fabian and Riz!

0:48:15 Fabian: Wow, no.

0:48:15 Riz: Good job!

0:48:16 Fabian: No, okay, The Ball, stop.

0:48:18 Brennan: You guys weren't sure if this ooze was intelligent or not, until this moment, because the ooze whips it's weird eyeless, noseless, earless head around this gaping mouth and just goes [growls uncomfortably] with a look of confusion and shame. I'm gonna say strong shame is what you're getting off of this ooze.

0:48:39 Siobhan: It's been pooping in front of a bunch of people. This is what he feels shame for?

0:48:42 Emily: Yeah.

0:48:44 Brennan: The shame, things are supposed to come out of there.

0:48:47 Murph: I'm gonna abort all its little corn babies.

0:48:49 Lou: Yeah, using the innards it's like, get out and stay out.

0:48:53 Brennan: Incredible. Thank you, Box of Doom.

0:48:55 Lou: Thank you, Box of Doom.

0:48:55 Ally: Bye, Box of Doom!

0:48:57 Murph: You've treated us well this time.

0:48:59 Brennan: You guys see Riz race across the cafeteria, rapier forward, and whuh. I wish that it was like quick and easy, but there's a good 3 to 4 seconds of strong getting your shoulders up in there, while it's clenching.

0:49:14 Riz: Don't worry Fabian, I'll do it for both of us!

0:49:17 Fabian: Stop implicating-- saying my name.

0:49:18 Brennan: One of your, nice black "Briefcase Kid" dress shoes pops off as you're trying to pull your foot into the thing's sphincter. (monstrous yelling) So that's your movement and your action, I don't know if you have a bonus action right now, but you're way in there. I will let you if you wanna make another skill check with your turn, you can make another skill check.

0:49:40 Murph: Cool, yeah I guess I'll do a [laughing] Investigate. I would like to investigate it's ass.

0:49:48 Brennan: [wheezing from laughter] Pull out the magnifying glass and snoop around, let's see what we can find.

0:49:57 Murph: I have a lot to Investigate, 14.

0:49:58 Zac: Do you add 4 to it or no?

0:50:01 Murph: Oh I guess I’m, I'm hashtag blessed. 16.

0:50:04 Brennan: You scoot around in there, and you find, you can't see 'cause you're deep in hot corn, hot creamed corn, but you grab what feels like a fistful of something solid but very flimsy, like either a fabric, or maybe like a piece of paper, or some kind of parchment that you grab. And you feel an incision in the middle of it, as from a blade.

0:50:34 Murph: I'll try to fucking tear it up.

0:50:36 Brennan: But that's your turn.

0:50:36 Murph: Okay so I just have my hand on it.

0:50:37 Brennan: We're gonna go corn gremlins. He's gonna actually fly over, well Riz is...

0:50:47 Ally: Riz is in there.

0:50:47 Murph: I'm in his ass.

0:50:49 Brennan: I'm gonna remove your mini from the board.

0:50:51 Lou: It's deep inside.

0:50:52 Emily: Take out the inside the corn's asshole board. (snarling)

0:50:57 Ally: An inside.

0:50:59 Brennan: Gorgug, you can go ahead and take an attack.

0:51:02 Lou: Are they all coming for me?

0:51:04 Brennan: Yes they are, you can go ahead and take an attack on one of these as it flies by you to get to Fabian.

0:51:14 Zac: Okay I guess I'll hit this one on the far right.

0:51:17 Brennan: Cool, go ahead and roll your attack.

0:51:18 Lou: Hashtag blessed.

0:51:22 Zac: I hit it for, what was it, 5 plus... 10.

0:51:26 Brennan: 10 does not hit, so you (whooshes) swing. These gremlins, I'm gonna need to make some opposed athletics checks.

0:51:35 Lou: Okay, great. Am I still blessed?

0:51:38 Brennan: You are still blessed, yes.

0:51:39 Lou: Great. 3 plus 4, 7.

0:51:44 Ally: Oof.

0:51:48 Brennan: Go ahead and make another opposed Athletics check.

0:51:52 Lou: 17. Oh, excuse me, more than 17. 17 plus 4, 21.

0:51:58 Brennan: You see that two of them try to go for your legs, and you manage to kick them away, but the other two come up under your arms, and go, [snarls] and pull you up into the air, kicking and screaming, directly over the corn ooze as it goes [sludgy groaning] and opens its mouth.

0:52:15 Emily: Oh my God, he's going in to join Riz.

0:52:17 Murph: “Welcome.”

0:52:19 Brennan: And they prepare to drop you.

0:52:25 Murph: [cheerfully] “Temperature's just fine.”

0:52:27 Brennan: Kristen, that's gonna be you.

0:52:29 Ally: Great, and I'm gonna try to get to one of those little cornies.

0:52:33 Lou: Please, please try and get your little cornies.

0:52:36 Brennan: So that's gonna be one.

0:52:36 Murph: Fig is just dead.

0:52:39 Brennan: Two, three, four, five. Cool you're here go ahead and take a swing at one.

0:52:42 Ally: Awesome. Am I blessed if I blessed three people, or was I--

0:52:45 Brennan: You are not blessed.

0:52:45 Ally: I would have to pick myself.

0:52:47 Lou: Can she hit the ones hoisting me, or are they the other ones?

0:52:51 Ally: 1, nat 1.

0:52:51 Brennan: Nat 1? You [whooshes] and your staff flies out of your hands and scatters.

0:52:57 Kristen: Oh no, dang.

0:53:00 Brennan: That's going to be, Fig's still out.

0:53:06 Emily: Hey, guys.

0:53:09 Brennan: You can, like crawl a little bit if you want, but you're like burned and fucked up. The ooze opens it's mouth and the corn gremlins (cackling) (whooshes and bubbling) Fabian falls. This thing is going to now make an opposed athletics.

0:53:31 Lou: It's gonna try and chew me?

0:53:32 Brennan: It's going to try to chew you.

0:53:33 Emily: It has teeth?

0:53:34 Brennan: Go ahead and make an opposed Athletics check.

0:53:38 Lou: 6, uh 10.

0:53:40 Brennan: 10. You are engulfed. And you sustain, 7, 9 points of damage, it just goes [sloppy chomping] and you guys see Fabian disappear into this thing's mouth.

0:53:50 Ally: [groans]

0:53:55 Lou: Jesus.

0:54:00 Fabian: Well, at least Riz went in by choice.

0:54:02 Emily: Ooh, someone throw me in there.

0:54:06 Murph: You would be dead.

0:54:07 Brennan: The lunch lady stands up and is going to grapple with you [gestures to Siobhan], make an opposed.

0:54:11 Zac: Do you get a attack of opportunity on her if she stands up, or no?

0:54:15 Brennan: Standing from prone? Yeah, you can get attack of opportunity, go ahead and take a roll.

0:54:18 Siobhan: Great. 19.

0:54:22 Brennan: That hits, go ahead and roll that d4 plus Dexterity modifier again.

0:54:28 Emily: Slap her, slap her with the ladle.

0:54:31 Siobhan: 5.

0:54:33 Brennan: Jesus Christ.

0:54:34 Lou: We're beating the shit out of Doreen.

0:54:36 Adaine: [sobbing] I'm sorry.

0:54:37 Brennan: She stands up and says,

0:54:40 Doreen: Third try’s the--

0:54:42 Brennan: And you hit her so hide in the side of the face, that her jaw breaks, and a bunch of teeth fly out of her mouth, and she passes out, hits her head really hard on the table, and falls over unconscious.

0:54:53 Siobhan: Oh my God, I vomit.

0:54:53 Emily: Push her body next to mine.

0:54:54 Murph: You know she's paralyzed.

0:54:56 Emily: Are you a murderer?

0:54:56 Murph: You just Million Dollar Baby-ed this woman.

0:55:00 Adaine: No!

0:55:00 Gorgug: What'd you do?

0:55:01 Kristen: You have like a blood lust.

0:55:03 Siobhan: I definitely have a panic attack.

0:55:04 Ally: Yeah, yeah.

0:55:05 Brennan: Go ahead and make the, you know what, honestly, go for it.

0:55:06 Ally: Yeah, you definitely have a full-on panic attack.

0:55:08 Brennan: You're done. You're standing there, the ladle has a weird curve to it now, you're covered in blood. You have a fragment of tooth hanging in a gob of blood off your jawline.

0:55:18 Ally: Oh-kay. [ominous music plays] Adaine holds the ladle and shakes, staring at what she’s done, eyes darting around [music stops]

0:55:28 Brennan: [claps] Alright, Adaine's turn. Just standing there breathing heavily. Gorgug, that's gonna be you.

0:55:35 Zac: Do I have a sense of where they're at inside the corn monster?

0:55:39 Brennan: Make an Insight check, make a Perception check.

0:55:43 Zac: Perception, okay cool. I got 22 plus 3, 25.

0:55:49 Brennan: You see something screaming in like a stomach area, with like some kind of acid of dissolving agent in it, and then you see a much more, for lack of a better word, industrious bulge near one of the butt holes, that seems to be unperturbed by the digestive juices of this corn monster.

0:56:13 Zac: Okay, I'm going to try to, can I try to slash out Fabian from the mouth?

0:56:24 Brennan: Go ahead, so here's what you can do, you can either just take an attack and deal damage, 'cause you won't hit these guys. I will let you make an attack with disadvantage against this creature to attempt to slice out Fabian.

0:56:41 Zac: Great, I will do that, I'll go for that. Ugh. I got uh, 15.

0:56:48 Brennan: 15? You slash and there's a momentary opening where you see Fabian's-- You slice through a congealing corn flesh that like seams open, and you see Fabian, like half of his face, it's like burning and sizzling, with like an arm partially exposed. What does Fabian say as this momentary seam opens up.

0:57:13 Fabian: Help me!

0:57:17 Zac: Do I roll damage on that, or no?

0:57:19 Brennan: Yeah, go ahead and roll damage for me real quick.

0:57:23 Zac: That's 5.

0:57:25 Brennan: Cool, this thing is looking fucked up, gang. Riz, that's gonna be you, baby.

0:57:31 Murph: Great, I have like a piece of paper in my hand?

0:57:33 Brennan: Yes, you have like a piece of paper in your hand, absolutely.

0:57:34 Murph: Okay, rip it up.

0:57:38 Brennan: Make a Wisdom saving throw for me, let me know what you get. We'll say this is a DC 14 Wisdom saving throw.

0:57:45 Murph: Okay, I've got a plus 1 to Wisdom and I'm blessed. Uh, 8.

0:57:54 Brennan: 8. You hear, as you start to go to rip it, you realize the last thing you wanna do is rip up this piece of paper, this could be a clue, Riz. God, think about all the stuff we could learn from this weird piece of paper, why would you wanna rip it up? Don't rip up the paper.

0:58:12 Emily: Rip it up, rip it up.

0:58:15 Brennan: You may take another action if you'd like.

0:58:18 Murph: Cool. Can I try to just take the paper out of it's ass?

0:58:23 Brennan: Go ahead and make an Acrobatics check to get out of here.

0:58:31 Murph: Goddammit, 7 plus uh… 11.

0:58:35 Brennan: You start looking for the exit, and you are in a vast ocean of hot corn-plasm.

0:58:42 Murph: Fuck.

0:58:44 Brennan: As you start to look for that door, where you cannot find it, I'm gonna need you to make also a Constitution saving throw. Call it a DC 10 Constitution save.

0:58:53 Murph: Okay. [annoyed at his luck] Fucking 5.

0:58:58 Brennan: You take 4 damage. (dice clacking)

0:59:02 Emily: What kind of damage is it?

0:59:02 Brennan: As you start to suffocate, because you can't breathe in this corn ooze's asshole.

0:59:08 Lou: Yeah, what are we doing in the fucking corn thing? Get out of the corn thing.

0:59:11 Riz: Cut me out!

0:59:13 Kristen: Well, there's paper in there, I guess.

0:59:15 Riz: I've got something, cut me out.

0:59:17 Brennan: The corn gremlins turn to the rest of you guys, taking some swing. These three are gonna take--

0:59:26 Ally: Great, now you're flanked.

0:59:29 Brennan: These three are gonna take swipes at Kristen,

0:59:31 Ally: Okay, cool.

0:59:34 Brennan: One of them hits, dealing 4 points of damage to you. And then one of them is gonna take a swipe with advantage at Gorgug. [to Zac] What's your AC?

0:59:47 Zac: 13.

0:59:50 Brennan: You take two points of damage.

0:59:51 Zac: Dead.

0:59:51 Ally: Dang.

0:59:56 Brennan: How badly injured is Kristen right now?

0:59:58 Kristen: I have 3 hit points left remaining.

1:00:00 Brennan: Whoo, baby. Gorgug drops.

1:00:02 Lou: I'm on 1 of 7.

1:00:04 Brennan: Kristen, that's gonna be you.

1:00:05 Ally: Cool.

1:00:06 Brennan: So you got these corn gremlins, you're very badly injured, you hear a shouting from inside this thing's butt hole.

1:00:12 Riz: Pull me out of it's ass.

1:00:15 Brennan: Fabian is looking at a seam that he can maybe escape from. What do you do?

1:00:23 Siobhan: Stick your staff up it's butt.

1:00:25 Ally: Yeah, can I like stick my staff up to have him hold onto it?

1:00:27 Murph: She threw it, though.

1:00:29 Brennan: Yes, go ahead and make an Acrobatics check to grab your staff up off the ground, call it DC 5.

1:00:37 Ally: 2.

1:00:39 Murph: Oh, you're not blessed, fuck.

1:00:43 Brennan: You fail to grab your staff, you fumble for it, there's just a lot of corn here. You're in the path of where the corn thing was. You couldn't grab your staff, what action will you take other than trying to grab the staff?

1:00:54 Ally: I guess I'll attack one of the corn.

1:00:56 Brennan: Just like take a swing with your fist?

1:00:59 Riz: Grab my hand!

1:01:01 Ally: Yeah, can I try to reach a hand in, and...?

1:01:04 Brennan: Go ahead and make a Strength check up this thing's butt hole. It gets a plus 4, what's your Strength?

1:01:12 Ally: 15, or wait, plus 2.

1:01:15 Brennan: You get a plus 2, he gets plus 4.

1:01:19 Ally: 9.

1:01:20 Brennan: You attempt to fist this corn ooze, it has learned its lesson, and its butt hole is clenched just diamond tight.

1:01:35 Ally: I still know what to do.

1:01:37 Brennan: That is your turn.

1:01:39 Ally: Am I now this? [holds arm up, elbow bent, hand on bicep indicating where corn hole may be]

1:01:42 Brennan: No, it's sort of like, [holds palm out and jabs forward repeatedly] kinda, trying to, you know, get in there. Now the ooze turns, starts to grab barrels and barrels of creamed corn and bursts them open, raising them over its head, all the open barrels are over its head. Its mouth is open, it has not yet poured the creamed corn into itself. That's going to be, also, another little corn gremlin pops out. That's going to be Fabian.

1:02:24 Lou: Okay, alright, so, I can see, so there's been this seam cut.

1:02:32 Brennan: You can make an Athletics or an Acrobatics check to get out of here.

1:02:35 Lou: I'd love to make an Acrobatics check to get out of here.

1:02:38 Brennan: Cool, it's gonna be, call it DC 10.

1:02:40 Lou: DC 10, with Bless?

1:02:42 Brennan: Mm-hm.

1:02:44 Lou: Yes, 21. Oh my God.

1:02:46 Siobhan: Jesus fucking Christ.

1:02:49 Brennan: You burst out of this thing—

1:02:51 Emily: Oh my God.

1:02:53 Brennan: So that's your movement, you have an action left.

1:02:57 Lou: Okay, so I know Riz is in there. Attempting to pull Riz out, what are we working with?

1:03:03 Brennan: You can either try to brute force your way up this things butt hole, or you can attempt to do what Gorgug did, and slash and try to leave an opening for Riz to escape from.

1:03:17 Lou: [thinking] God.

1:03:18 Zac: Do you reach all the way up a butt hole, or do you slash through the side of all that?

1:03:23 Ally: C-Section his ass.

1:03:25 Lou: What's the check for the butthole?

1:03:27 Brennan: It's a pure Strength versus Strength, the cutting is a disadvantage attack roll.

1:03:32 Lou: Okay. I'll take the, fuck. I'll take the Strength versus Strength.

1:03:41 Murph: Yeah! [unintelligible] its ass! [unintelligible] its ass!

1:03:41 Ally: Alright!

1:03:44 Lou: Am I blessed for this?

1:03:45 Brennan: Yes, go for it.

1:03:45 Lou: Great. 23.

1:03:51 Brennan: Your raw, lean, athletic frame comes into an incredible fucking Street Fighter upper cut, boom! (splattering) You feel your face press up against the sphincter of its asshole as your full arm, all the way past the shoulder, gets all the way up in there. And that's gonna be Fabian's turn. Lunch lady's fucking, she makes a death save. Natural 1.

1:04:06 Lou: [laughs hysterically]

1:04:21 Siobhan: Oh my God I killed somebody on my first day of school.

1:04:21 Emily: Bye, Doreen.

1:04:23 Ally: And it was like the only cool person at the school.

1:04:25 Brennan: And not like a corn gremlin or a weird monster, but like a human, like a full person.

1:04:29 Siobhan: [horrified] I know!

1:04:31 Lou: We were supposed to fix this, and then she was gonna come back to life. Nobody's supposed to get fucking eaten, nobody's supposed to get trapped in a butthole, we're just supposed to fight it and kill it.

1:04:39 Ally: We spent too much time jumping on tables.

1:04:42 Emily: In the end I was there [unintelligible].

1:04:44 Brennan: That's gonna be Adaine. You see that, the lunch lady looks up at you, dying, and the sunken aura disappears from her eyes, and she looks up at you and goes,

1:05:00 Doreen: The faculty, don't trust the faculty. You can't, it was them, one of them. My teeth, I can't feel my teeth. [gargles]

1:05:23 Brennan: Adaine, what do you do?

1:05:26 Siobhan: Fuck, I'm gonna cast Friends on the fucking corn monster.

1:05:31 Brennan: Okay, go ahead and cast Friends, go for it.

1:05:36 Siobhan: And then I'm like

1:05:36 Adaine: Hey buddy, why don't we put the corn down, why don't we put the corn down and let my friends go?

1:05:43 Brennan: You see that this jiggling mass of corn looks at you and goes (gurgling) (farts) and doesn't appear to have a deep understanding of friendship and mutual responsibility to another person. Gorgug, I'm gonna need you to make a death saving throw.

1:06:03 Zac: Blessed, or no?

1:06:04 Brennan: Not blessed here. Screen cuts to Gorgug’s mini and a green light blinks to life on the success roll side of his death saves meter.

1:06:07 Brennan: Hell yeah, success.

1:06:07 Emily: Whoo!

1:06:07 Brennan: Riz, that's you, baby.

1:06:11 Murph: I'm investigating looking for that hand.

1:06:12 Brennan: Make an Investigation check.

1:06:14 Murph: Come on. Lou leans over to watch the roll. He turns away and covers his face after seeing the result.

1:06:18 Murph: [slams his hand down] Fucking--

1:06:18 Ally: 3. Oh.

1:06:18 Murph: 9 total.

1:06:21 Brennan: You swim around, you can feel something just out of reach, Ally wiggles the fingers of their hands an inch apart.

1:06:26 Brennan: It's so hard, it's so close.

1:06:28 Emily: I was really hoping for that Predator handshake, inside the asshole. She demonstrates. Zac smiles and grabs his forearms.

1:06:32 Lou: Just like right here.

1:06:35 Brennan: These guys fly for Adaine, (whooshing and snarling) these guys are gonna start taking swings at Fabian, gonna take a swing at Kristen. Fabian, what's your armor class?

1:06:48 Lou: 16.

1:06:50 Brennan: Two misses.

1:06:51 Lou: Whoo, hand remains in this.

1:06:55 Emily: You're just like [mimics sword slashing].

1:06:58 Lou: Away! [sword slashing]

1:07:02 Brennan: That's gonna be, what's your armor class, 12? Adaine, you take first 2 points of damage, and then another 2 points of damage.

1:07:10 Ally: Are you still alive?

1:07:10 Siobhan: Yes.

1:07:12 Brennan: As they rend you, covered in blood, I'm gonna say the sleeves of your private school thing come off, so now you're just drenched in blood. (yelling) That's now going to be Kristen.

1:07:27 Ally: I'm going to, I have really high Persuasion, can I try to persuade the corn thing to not pour more corn on itself?

1:07:34 Brennan: Make an Insight check.

1:07:36 Ally: Okay. 19 plus, what's Insight?

1:07:39 Brennan: You think that these corn gremlins are actually more possessed of a mind than the ooze is, the ooze is not getting a lot of social graces, but it's up to you what you wanna do with your turn.

1:07:56 Ally: Alright, fine. I attack a corn.

1:07:59 Brennan: One of the gremlins, cool go for it. Ally rolls and looks up at Brennan without saying anything.

1:08:04 Brennan: Not great?

1:08:05 Ally: Not great. What do I add to it?

1:08:06 Murph: What are we rolling? What are we rolling?

1:08:07 Brennan: What's the number you rolled?

1:08:08 Ally: 4.

1:08:08 Murph: I’ve been in this thing’s ass for three turns.

1:08:10 Emily: I have been faceplanted the entire time.

1:08:11 Brennan: That's a swing and a miss. Fig is still out.

1:08:15 Emily: Can I bash my head against the wall just so I can do saving throws again?

1:08:17 Ally: We really didn't start with our game face.

1:08:22 Brennan: [laughs] The ooze pours the creamed corn into its gullet. [grotesque swallowing] And you see it starts to grow bigger and bigger. Its wounds all heal, all the injuries you guys have made on it heal. That's going to be Fabian, that's your turn.

1:08:33 Ally: Motherfucker.

1:08:45 Brennan: You've still got your arm all the way up that butthole.

1:08:48 Lou: Are there rolls I could make to make it easier, or find,

1:08:52 Brennan: Three corn gremlins pop out a butt hole.

1:08:54 Lou: [as Brennan adds more corn cuties] Fuck you, fuck you. Is there some way I can make it easier for Riz, is there anything I can do, or could I like, I feel like it's either that, or.

1:09:03 Brennan: What is it you wanna try to do?

1:09:04 Lou: Anything that I can do to make it easier or more apparent for Riz that my hand is where my hand is.

1:09:10 Brennan: Oh no, you can just take the help action and give him advantage on his next roll.

1:09:13 Lou: Okay, fantastic.

1:09:13 Brennan: Yeah, cool. You take the help action.

1:09:17 Ally: Do we all have help or just him?

1:09:20 Brennan: Anyone has help that wants it, so you can be doing stuff to like help people and give them advantage on rolls if you want. Lunch lady is gonna make another death saving throw. [rolls] [looks over at Siobhan] Siobhan’s eyes widen.

1:09:32 Doreen: Remember me.

1:09:34 Ally: No!

1:09:35 Doreen: As I was. A single woman of some years--

1:09:40 Siobhan: I killed an old lady with a ladle.

1:09:41 Doreen: -- who made pre-prepared meals for children. I asked for nothing, and I didn't choose for this to happen to me, it's your responsibility to make this right, because you killed me, you did it. Only you, and you didn't have to, you chose to. These were your choices and you live with them, remember my face every time you close your eyes. [keels over]

1:10:06 Lou: Jesus.

1:10:08 Siobhan: I kill myself?

1:10:13 Brennan: And she passes from this mortal plane.

1:10:15 Murph: Jesus.

1:10:18 Ally: I am not gonna be able to sleep tonight.

1:10:24 Brennan: That's going to be Gorgug in another death save. Oh, sorry, Adaine, that's you.

1:10:29 Siobhan: Can I cast Friends on one of these little cuties?

1:10:34 Brennan: Sure, you can cast on a little cutie.

1:10:35 Siobhan: Great, and then be like, go for this dude.

1:10:37 Brennan: Yeah you can make a Persuasion check if you like.

1:10:39 Siobhan: Great.

1:10:39 Lou: Remember back when they were all fun, and we weren't all dying.

1:10:41 Emily: I know, we thought they were so cute.

1:10:41 Ally: Yeah, and now we're on nineteen of them.

1:10:44 Siobhan: 15.

1:10:45 Brennan: You get advantage, so you can roll again if you like and take the better roll.

1:10:47 Siobhan: Oh, okay. 15.

1:10:52 Brennan: What do you say to the little corn thing?

1:10:57 Siobhan: I say,

1:10:57 Adaine: [pointing at another corn cutie] That guy was talking about you, you should attack him! He's saying really bad things about you.

1:11:00 Corn Cutie: [points to self] [gargles inquisitively] [points to corn cutie Adaine’s pointing at]

1:11:03 Adaine: Yeah him, him! Fuck that guy, right?

1:11:05 Corn Cutie: [snarls and shakes head in outrage]

1:11:07 Brennan: And he turns and lunges at the corn gremlin next to him.

1:11:10 Emily: Yeah!

1:11:12 Brennan: That's gonna be Gorgug, make a death save.

1:11:14 Emily: Who knew they had egos.

1:11:14 Siobhan: I know.

1:11:15 Zac: 7.

1:11:17 Brennan: It's a failure.

1:11:18 Murph: Gorgug.

1:11:19 Brennan: Riz.

1:11:20 Murph: Okay, so I get advantage, right?

1:11:23 Ally: You got a lot of advantages rolling today.

1:11:25 Murph: Okay, Investigate, looking for my man's hand. Okay, that's great.

1:11:27 Ally: Aye.

1:11:30 Murph: 19 plus, 25.

1:11:32 Brennan: That's going to do it, you feel a goblin hand right here.

1:11:37 Murph: The worst version of Predator, ever. Murph reaches over and Lou meets him with a Predator handshake.

1:11:44 Siobhan: So slippery.

1:11:46 Brennan: [to Lou] And I'm gonna say because you're ready to yank him out, [to Murph] go ahead and make an Acrobatics check right now to try to slip out of this thing.

1:11:52 Lou: Please.

1:11:52 Murph: Cool.

1:11:53 Emily: To try and make yourself like a pencil, so you really slip out of that asshole.

1:11:58 Ally: Creamed corn lube.

1:11:59 Brennan: Beat a 10.

1:11:59 Murph: 7 plus, 11.

1:12:01 Brennan: 11 will do it.

1:12:03 Siobhan: Great, back on the table, baby.

1:12:05 Brennan: You rip Riz out of there.

1:12:05 Ally: Hell yeah.

1:12:05 Brennan: And a slimy piece of parchment falls out of his hand, covered in strange runes. Kristen, you're standing right nearby, can you make a Knowledge Religion check for me?

1:12:19 Ally: Yes. 8 plus… 10.

1:12:25 Brennan: You look at it and see there are runes here from the strange realm of the Nightmare King, runes of darkness and midnight, runes against Helio and Sol. This is a page of darkness and a warping of the true gospel. And it is a testimony to the force of night and darkness itself. A piece of horrible dark magic. Riz, sprawled on the ground, corn gremlins see this happening, Riz is back out on the board. Fabian you can take an attack of opportunity on one of these guys.

1:13:11 Lou: 15, Jesus.

1:13:13 Brennan: 15, go ahead and roll damage.

1:13:15 Lou: 12.

1:13:17 Brennan: You skewer one as it flies past you, but they are surrounding you. That's going to be the corn gremlins turn. Riz, what's your AC?

1:13:28 Murph: 15.

1:13:31 Brennan: They both miss.

1:13:31 Ally: Fuck yeah.

1:13:33 Brennan: Fabian, what's yours?

1:13:33 Lou: 16.

1:13:35 Brennan: 16, one of them hits you for 3 points of damage.

1:13:43 Riz: We gotta kill that paper. Kill that paper!

1:13:45 Fabian: Hey, I got you out of that asshole.

1:13:46 Riz: Yes, thank you.

1:13:47 Fabian: Better make it worth it.

1:13:52 Brennan: With a freshly fed corn ooze, and more corn gremlins than there have been on this battlefield at any point before, it is now Kristen Applebees' turn.

1:14:03 Ally: So I could either go to ruin that paper, or I have a freaky idea. So I'm holding this, this book of Talos,

1:14:10 Emily: Get freaky, get freaky.

1:14:13 Ally: Can I cast light on this book of Talos and throw it into the blob?

1:14:18 Murph: Oh, God.

1:14:19 Ally: Like a sacred, blessed book into the middle of this blob?

1:14:25 Brennan: Yeah, you could totally do that.

1:14:27 Ally: [laughing] Should I do that though?

1:14:30 Siobhan: Just destroy the fucking paper, dude.

1:14:33 Emily: I like this idea, I think go for that.

1:14:35 Ally: Thanks.

1:14:36 Siobhan: Do whatever you want to do.

1:14:36 Brennan: Do whatever you want to do.

1:14:38 Murph: Why don't you do both, why don't you like stomp on it as you throw the book.

1:14:41 Ally: Yeah, can I take my staff and slam it down on this cursed piece of paper while throwing my book?

1:14:48 Brennan: Go ahead and make an Acrobatics check to pick up that staff. DC 5.

1:14:52 Ally: Alright, pick up the staff, nat 20!

1:14:54 Murph: [absolutely delighted] Nat 20!

1:14:55 Brennan: Light fills the room and the staff flies into your hand.

1:14:58 Ally: [makes a thudding sound as they pretend to slam their staff down]

1:15:00 Brennan: Go ahead and make an attack roll on that parchment.

1:15:04 Ally: [laughing] Nat 1. [covers their mouth]

1:15:04 Zac: 20 to 1!

1:15:09 Brennan: You summon the staff into your hand, throw the staff down at the piece of parchment, slip on the corn. Your staff is glowing with holy energy, and you take 3 points of falling damage.

1:15:29 Ally: That was all I had.

1:15:31 Brennan: Your staff is still glowing, and you slip, bam, head on the ground.

1:15:38 Lou: What a disaster.

1:15:38 Ally: Wow!

1:15:38 Murph: We have to destroy this paper!

1:15:41 Ally: Wow!

1:15:45 Brennan: The ooze turns around and is going to take a swing at Riz. What's your armor class?

1:15:53 Murph: 15.

1:15:55 Lou: Oh my God, oh my God.

1:15:58 Brennan: That's a miss.

1:16:00 Lou: Hohhhhh. Hohhhhhhhh.

1:16:03 Brennan: Fabian, I'm gonna need a death saving throw.

1:16:06 Lou: 3.

1:16:08 Brennan: That's a failure, Adaine?

1:16:11 Siobhan: I cast Mage Hand and grab the piece of paper.

1:16:14 Brennan: You grab the piece of paper. The paper flies to your hand. Gorgug, I'm gonna need you to make a death save.

1:16:21 Zac: Okay. Nat 1!

1:16:25 Brennan: That's two failures.

1:16:26 Zac: Yeah, I'm dead.

1:16:27 Murph: Oh no!

1:16:27 Emily: He’s dead.

1:16:27 Siobhan: Oh my God.

1:16:32 Murph: Gorgug!

1:16:34 Zac: Gorgug's dead. [softly] Gorgug is dead.

1:16:36 Siobhan: Oh my God.

1:16:39 Zac: Gorgug's straight up dead.

1:16:41 Ally: Wait, I have something I think, right?

1:16:45 Murph: I don't think you have anything that would, you don't have Revivify yet.

1:16:46 Brennan: You're unconscious.

1:16:47 Ally: Dang.

1:16:48 Brennan: Fully dead.

1:16:49 Ally: Wow.

1:16:50 Siobhan: Does one of the teachers have Revivify?

1:16:54 Emily: That's true, if we have his body, maybe later if we got out of this.

1:16:57 Siobhan: Wait, when I did Mage Hand for that thing that was my entire action, I couldn't rip it up as well?

1:17:06 Brennan: No, I'm afraid not.

1:17:06 Siobhan: Fuck!

1:17:09 Ally: My God, this is fucked.

1:17:13 Brennan: Riz, that's gonna be you.

1:17:14 Murph: Cool. I am going to, I am going to disengage from these cornys.

1:17:23 Brennan: Cool.

1:17:24 Murph: How far can I get here, [moving his mini] one, two, three, four. And then I'm gonna tell her to hold up the paper, and I'm gonna try to shoot it out of her hand.

1:17:35 Brennan: Rad. Roll on attack, you still have that Bless active.

1:17:39 Lou: This is insane.

1:17:41 Ally: Yeah this is wild. Oh my God.

1:17:45 Murph: 18, 24.

1:17:46 Brennan: Go ahead and roll damage.

1:17:49 Lou: How many fucking point of damage does this fucking piece of paper have?

1:17:53 Murph: 8. [gun firing] [air poofs and papers flutter]

1:17:56 Brennan: Disappears in shadow [groaning] [farts] The ooze dissolves into nothingness, and in a blast of light, [popping] corn flies everywhere as all the gremlins disappear.

1:18:16 Ally: Yes, but oh no!

1:18:19 Siobhan: Oh my fucking God.

1:18:22 Murph: Oh boy, do we see that he's dead and not breathing?

1:18:29 Emily: I don't know if I'm allowed to speak, because I'm dead too, or I'm at 0, but I think we can bring his body to a,

1:18:35 Murph: I'm gonna try to run and try to find like a priest here, like a cleric or something.

1:18:38 Emily: Yeah.

1:18:38 Murph: Like a cleric or something.

1:18:42 Brennan: You guys, so Riz, you sprint out of the cafeteria, so the only people that are still alive right now are Adaine and Riz. We're not done yet, you can run if you'd like. Kristen and Fabian are still making death saving throws.

1:19:04 Murph: Okay, I guess I'll start with,

1:19:06 Brennan: You can make untrained Medicine checks.

1:19:08 Murph: I'll make an untrained Medicine.

1:19:09 Siobhan: I'll also do an untrained Medicine check. Fuck, 13?

1:19:14 Brennan: Cool, hold on one second, that was Riz's turn, so Kristen, I'm gonna need you to make a death saving throw.

1:19:19 Ally: Oh yeah. 19.

1:19:22 Brennan: Cool, that's a success, no worries. Fabian, I'm gonna need you to make a death saving throw.

1:19:26 Lou: What if I roll a 1 and I also die.

1:19:28 Siobhan: Oh my God.

1:19:30 Lou: 6, 2.

1:19:34 Brennan: That's now going to be Adaine.

1:19:35 Siobhan: Because I've met the teacher, can I Message him down the corridor?

1:19:43 Brennan: Which teacher is this?

1:19:44 Siobhan: The teacher who was in detention with us.

1:19:45 Brennan: Mr. Gibbons?

1:19:45 Siobhan: Yes.

1:19:45 Brennan: Yes, you can message him.

1:19:48 Siobhan: Great, can I fucking scream really loud in his ear?

1:19:52 Brennan: Cool, what do you scream?

1:19:54 Adaine: Everybody's dead. Help us, everybody's dead.

1:19:56 Mr. Gibbons: Wow, that's a lot of strong feelings.

1:19:58 Adaine: [yelling] Everybody's fucking dead, get in the cafeteria right now!

1:20:02 Brennan: Mr. Gibbons opens the door.

1:20:04 Lou: [surprised] What?

1:20:05 Brennan: Well, Doreen is dead, so the arcane lock is gone.

1:20:08 Lou: Motherfucker.

1:20:12 Brennan: Real quick, so that's Adaine, Gorgug is fully dead, Riz, corn gremlins, oh, Riz, it's your turn.

1:20:18 Murph: Great, okay, I'm gonna try to bring her back and hopefully she can bring other people back. Okay, what is medicine, medicine is Wisdom, so I got a plus 1 and I'm blessed.

1:20:23 Ally: Hell yeah.

1:20:28 Murph: 22.

1:20:31 Brennan: You fully stabilize Kristen Applebees.

1:20:36 Ally: Meaning I'm back with some health?

1:20:38 Brennan: No you're still at 0.

1:20:38 Ally: Just at a 0, okay, yeah.

1:20:40 Murph: Oh, so she's not even awake, she's just stabilized.

1:20:42 Brennan: Just stabilized.

1:20:43 Murph: Sorry, can I do that on Fabian then, 'cause he's almost dead, and she's not.

1:20:46 Brennan: Sure you can do that with Fabian.

1:20:47 Murph: Okay, so I'll just bring Fabian back to 0.

1:20:48 Lou: Oh thank you, I was like oh really, okay fine.

1:20:51 Ally: I have one success and you have two failures.

1:20:53 Murph: I thought-- I forgot that it wasn't like getting them up to 1 HP.

1:20:56 Brennan: So now Kristen, you are making another death saving throw.

1:20:59 Murph: Don't get a 1.

1:20:59 Ally: 16.

1:21:00 Brennan: Cool, you got a success, is that two successes now?

1:21:03 Ally: Yeah.

1:21:03 Brennan: Cool.

1:21:06 Ally: [mourning] Aw, Gorgug! I loved you.

1:21:09 Lou: I'm sorry I hit you, okay? Maybe if I hadn't hit you.

1:21:11 Zac: It's okay.

1:21:14 Brennan: Now you see that Mr. Gibbons opens the door, looks out and goes,

1:21:17 Mr. Gibbons: Wow, now this looks like a lot. This looks like a whole lot.

1:21:22 Adaine: There are dead people in here! Do something or get somebody who can do something!

1:21:26 Mr. Gibbons: Okay, if that's what you want.

1:21:28 Adaine: Right. Fucking. Now!

1:21:31 Brennan: You see he sprints out of the cafeteria.

1:21:33 Siobhan: I'm covered in blood.

1:21:36 Brennan: Still got that gob of tooth there. So Riz, it is your turn again.

1:21:41 Murph: Cool, I'm gonna sprint out in the hall.

1:21:44 Brennan: Kristen is still making saves.

1:21:45 Murph: She is?

1:21:45 Brennan: Yep.

1:21:46 Murph: Fuck.

1:21:48 Ally: But I have two successes and zero failures so far.

1:21:51 Murph: Cool, I'm gonna take my chances then. I sprint out into the hall. Can I do like an Investigate check to see if I know where any kind of clerics would be or anything like that?

1:22:00 Brennan: Sure, make a Investigate check, go for it.

1:22:05 Murph: 21.

1:22:07 Brennan: You rush back into the place you broke into before, you see the door is still slightly ajar, Aguefort's office is there.

1:22:13 Murph: Cool.

1:22:15 Brennan: You duck into the office and you see Principal Aguefort who's sitting there,

1:22:17 Aguefort: [sips tea] [wrinkles face] Ugh.

1:22:20 Riz: A student is dead. We need to revive him somehow.

1:22:25 Aguefort: Dead?

1:22:25 Riz: Yeah.

1:22:27 Aguefort: Right this way.

1:22:28 Brennan: And you see that he ducks, he like grabs a couple things off his shelf and ducks and runs down the hall.

1:22:40 Ally: This is insane.

1:22:42 Brennan: You run back with Aguefort. Kristen, I need you to make another death saving throw, if you'd be so kind?

1:22:45 Ally: Yeah, of course, and I'm not dead I'm just in an in between consciousness, talking to my God. 2. [laughs]

1:22:53 Brennan: That's a failure.

1:22:54 Murph: At least it's not a critical failure.

1:22:56 Ally: Yeah.

1:22:58 Brennan: Fabian's stabilized, Adaine, as Mr. Gibbons runs, do you do anything else here?

1:23:04 Siobhan: Yeah I mean, I guess I'll go and try and stabilize Kristen.

1:23:08 Brennan: Go ahead and make a Medicine check.

1:23:15 Siobhan: 8.

1:23:16 Brennan: You don't quite know what you're doing, you're covered in blood and you're scared, sadly. Kristen, I'm gonna need another save from you.

1:23:22 Ally: Oh yeah, alright. 5.

1:23:26 Brennan: That is a failure.

1:23:28 Ally: I have one success and one failure left, it’s down to--

1:23:30 Brennan: It's down to it.

1:23:32 Lou: I don't like this full count.

1:23:33 Brennan: Riz and Principle Aguefort rush into the cafeteria, you see that Aguefort raises his hand, holds it out. You have advantage on your last death saving throw, so you roll 2d20 take the higher roll.

1:23:51 Ally: Oh cool. An 8 and a 3.

1:23:58 Siobhan: Oh my fucking God.

1:24:00 Ally: Did I die?

1:24:01 Brennan: Full dead, yeah.

1:24:01 Ally: Yeah, full dead, okay. [sorrowful music]

1:24:05 Zac: What the fuck is happening?

1:24:06 Lou: [laughs]

1:24:07 Ally: We really came into this like la di da, and it was like a hard challenge.

1:24:12 Lou: We all called them corn cuties, we all acted like it was--

1:24:14 Ally: They were corn cuties, we spent time jumping up and jumping down.

1:24:16 Emily: Hey, the corn cuties, they were still cute, it was the blob.

1:24:20 Ally: A bunch of our shit was gone by the time we got here.

1:24:22 Emily: The enemy was a piece of paper.

1:24:24 Brennan: You guys see that Principal Aguefort and Mr. Gibbons walk into the room. You see that Principal Aguefort looks at the people who have fallen here, Adaine you're covered in blood, Riz you're covered in corn. He looks at Mr. Gibbons next to him, and you see he says, (melancholic music)

1:24:47 Aguefort: Death is a part of life, eternal and unforgiving. It exists around us in all places for energy can neither be created nor destroyed.

1:25:00 Riz: Can you fucking do something or not?

1:25:04 Aguefort: Death is an old friend, it's a glass of--

1:25:06 Riz: Are there clerics, or priests, or anybody here?

1:25:09 Aguefort: It's a spoon, when all you need is a knife.

1:25:13 Ally: This is Alanis Morissette lyrics. I know I'm dead, but.

1:25:18 Brennan: You see he says,

1:25:18 Aguefort: Death waits for us all, with the exception of some immortal beings such as gods and vampires, some form of undead, but death waits for many of us, maybe not elves, elves are immortal if they live in their homeland.

1:25:34 Murph: Riz takes off down the hall and tries to find somebody else.

1:25:37 Brennan: As you take off, you see he says,

1:25:39 Aguefort: However there are times when great magic can work wonders.

1:25:46 Riz: You motherfucker.

1:25:47 Brennan: You see he reaches into his coat and takes out a swirling ball of fire, surrounded by pieces of red feathers. He says,

1:25:57 Aguefort: The egg of the last phoenix. However, death will exact it's price. There's foul play in this school. Only you can save us. A life for a life, eh Mr. Gibbons?

1:26:17 Brennan: You see Mr. Gibbons says,

1:26:17 Mr. Gibbons: I'm sorry, what?

1:26:20 Brennan: And you see that Principal Aguefort takes out a gun and shoots Mr. Gibbons in the head. Everyone goes wide-eyed and slack-jawed with shock. Zac starts laughing. Lou slaps the table and begins fully losing it.

1:26:22 Murph: [yells]

1:26:25 Brennan: And then takes the gun and says,

1:26:28 Augefort: The price must be paid.

1:26:29 Brennan: Blam, and shoots himself in the head. Gorgug and Kristen, you come back to life.

1:26:33 Lou: What the fuck?

1:26:35 Ally: Wait, the lunch lady, what about her life, it could've counted for one of them.

1:26:37 Lou: What the fuck?

1:26:39 Brennan: You're all back at full hit points.

1:26:41 Lou: What the fuck is happening, what did you just do?

1:26:47 Riz: We gotta go, guys!

1:26:47 Murph: Riz just starts like cleaning up.

1:26:51 Emily: Can someone take my body please?

1:26:53 Murph: Everybody's at full health.

1:26:55 Brennan: Everyone is at full health, you're surrounded by fiery phoenix.

1:26:59 Emily: Really? Maybe I should kill myself-- Is this still going, if I kill myself will I save Doreen? Is there a magic energy?

1:27:05 Brennan: You are surrounded by fire flame energy.

1:27:06 Ally: Do it!

1:27:07 Brennan: The fiery flame energy is gone by the time you are fully back.

1:27:13 Emily: So if I kill myself, it won't bring Doreen back?

1:27:16 Brennan: You don't think it will.

1:27:16 Murph: Kill yourself to save the lunch lady?

1:27:18 Brennan: You don't think it'll bring Doreen back.

1:27:19 Ally: In episode two.

1:27:20 Brennan: But you see that Mr. Gibbons and Principal Aguefort are both dead.

1:27:25 Ally: He just had a gun? Jesus.

1:27:26 Emily: This is gonna look like it's our fault.

1:27:28 Murph: We need to--

1:27:29 Lou: [still losing his mind]

1:27:29 Ally: Also someone told you that it was foul pl-- the teachers who did all of this. So were these two good teachers, or were they involved?

1:27:38 Brennan: Tune in next week for another exciting episode of Fantasy High. We'll see you guys next time, thanks for tuning in. [NEXT EPISODE - Episode 3: After the Afterlife] [NEXT TIME ON FANTASY HIGH]

1:27:46 Brennan: As you walk through the gates, you see Helio himself.

1:27:50 Gorgug: I saw a horrible place, and Mr. Gibbons was there.

1:27:53 Unknown: They say the most powerful fiends used to be angels.

1:27:57 Adaine: Maybe the jock threw something in with your bible.

1:27:59 Riz: Your bible has all this stuff about corn.

1:28:01 Kristen: True.

1:28:02 Brennan: Penelope Everpetal looks worried.

1:28:04 Penelope: Do you remember a girl named Penny Luckstone?

1:28:09 Murph: Riz throws up.

1:28:10 Lou: I just chuck my backpack.

1:28:12 Brennan: You hear a voice that whispers to you,

1:28:12 Voice: Save me.

1:28:16 Fig: Uh guys, we gotta go.

1:28:16 Captions extracted by: gluegunshots

1:28:16 Edited by: gluegunshots, Shanimal