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Player characters · first: CR E1

Squing

In the first episode Squing is introduced as the first-bled spawn of Count Dracula, a poet dressed in a silk boy's garment with a ruffled collar and a Nosferatu potato-shaped head CR E1·00:04:39. His card calls him "the first Turned" CR E1·00:05:26. He demands "the respect I deserve as the first vampire made by-" and calls himself "a leader in theory. And in practice, not at all" CR E1·00:06:02 CR E1·00:12:18. He says he promised 100 poems while waiting for the Count and has finished none CR E1·00:42:12. His head looks like wet and dry pasta and undulates, and Aleksandr can mold another head from it CR E1·00:35:28 CR E1·00:35:37.

Squing is Count Dracula's first vampire, who says Dracula had to throw things at the wall to see what sticks while making him CR E1·00:34:57 CR E1·00:35:08. He jokes that he is "maybe thousands of years" old CR E1·00:47:47. Dracula's letter about his ship's delay never reached the household: on a natural 1, Jasmine rules that Squing ate it CR E1·00:59:52 CR E1·01:00:16. In the second episode he enters Form of Dread at Dracula's wound, puts Dracula in the coffin and drags it to the train CR E2·00:05:53 CR E2·00:36:23 CR E2·00:37:56. He admits he eats letters, including Aleksandr's to his wife, and Aleksandr stabs him CR E2·01:42:10 CR E2·01:54:19.

In the third episode Dimitri's blessing gives him 10 blood points and a larger head CR E3·01:33:19 CR E3·01:33:25. In the fourth episode he reads the letter Dracula wrote him, and keeps the harshest lines to himself CR E4·00:52:20 CR E4·00:53:07. He then "stands a little taller" CR E4·00:53:33. In the fifth episode Dimitri gives him Dracula's farewell letter, which asks him to protect Wetzel from Setzer, pay the staff and keep treaties, and says Dracula does not intend to come back CR E5·00:32:26. He confronts the Wards at the study door, eats their paperwork, and gets a natural 20 Persuasion on the corpse in the lair, which makes Dracula stir CR E5·00:50:40 CR E5·00:55:31 CR E5·01:06:56. He chooses to stay as May's right-hand man CR E5·01:32:15.

In the sixth episode, when Dracula rises, he says "I think I fucked up" CR E6·00:09:11. He feeds a tourist to Dracula, thinking that feeding will bring him back CR E6·00:41:09. To the restored Dracula he says "You ate Setzer by the way" CR E6·01:25:45. Dracula names him minister of foreign affairs, and Squing accepts "minister of cringe" CR E6·01:42:32 CR E6·01:46:37.

Character sheet — Coffin Run

Coffin Run sheet of Squing (played by Zac Oyama). Only what is said in play or shown on the on-screen stat cards; dotted values are derived from spoken rolls. Values shown are the latest up to your chosen episode.

Race
Vampire CR E1·00:05:26—
Class
Warlock CR E1·00:05:26—
Subclass
The Undead CR E1·00:05:26—
Level
8 CR E1·00:05:26—
AC
13 CR E1·00:05:26—
Speed
45 CR E2·00:38:15—
Spell save DC
12 CR E4·01:12:05—
STR
+1 CR E2·00:37:26+1 CR E1·00:05:26—
DEX
+2 CR E1·00:05:26—
CON
+4 CR E1·00:05:26—
INT
+0 CR E1·00:05:26—
WIS
-1 CR E1·00:05:26—
CHA
+1 CR E1·00:05:26—

Skills

Features

  • Form of Dread — Bonus action: manifests an aspect of his patron's dread (features elongate); the first use gives 17 extra (temporary) hit points CR E2·00:05:53 CR E2·00:20:14
  • Pact of the Talisman — A talisman (a dead, rotting fish): the wearer adds a d4 to a failed ability check, three times per long rest CR E2·00:10:01 CR E2·00:12:41 CR E2·00:14:43 CR E2·01:16:10
  • Fanged bite — Bite attack, 1d4 + 4; blood can be drunk from a vampire's victim on a hit CR E2·00:52:16
  • Mobile feat — Feat: 10 extra feet of movement and difficult terrain costs no extra movement when dashing CR E2·00:37:34
  • Blood pool — The table's blood-point rule: on a melee hit he drinks and rolls 1d4+2 blood points, up to 10; points are spent to heal and recover spell slots CR E2·00:28:27
  • Armor of Shadows — His "Mage Armor thing"; always on CR E3·01:13:10 CR E3·01:13:18
  • Wings of young bone — Giant bony wings of young bone sprout from his back; the look of his Fly spell, not a separate ability CR E3·01:19:22
  • Heal with blood points — Spends blood points to heal: two points for seven HP CR E3·01:25:38
  • Dimitri's blessing — Gains 10 blood points and a slightly larger head CR E3·01:33:19
  • Fly speed — Fly speed of 60 feet CR E4·01:34:55
  • Form of Dread bite — In Form of Dread: bite 1d4+4, target makes a Wisdom save (DC 12) or is frightened until the end of his next turn CR E4·01:12:05
  • Werewolf blood points — Drinking a werewolf gives 3 blood points although he is already full at 10 CR E4·01:12:41
  • Sunlight weakness — At dawn the sun greatly weakens Squing and May; he cannot use Form of Dread, One with the Shadows or his vampiric bite and loses Devil's Sight and Beast Speech, but Armor of Shadows and his spells stay CR E5·00:02:28 CR E5·00:09:13
  • Blood points for 2d6 — Spends two blood points to regain HP (2d6) CR E6·01:14:14

Spells

Items

  • Pact of the Talisman (dead fish) — Squing's talisman, tucked in his silk shirt CR E2·00:12:41
  • Dracula's letter to Squing — A letter flapping out of the coffin; he reads parts aloud CR E4·00:51:28
  • Drago's ballista — Takes it in the fight, +6 to hit, 1d12 + 4 damage, reloads as a bonus action CR E4·00:20:10 CR E4·00:20:49
  • Suit-of-armor helm — Puts a helm on Dracula's body and later one on himself CR E5·01:06:33

By episode

CR E1: Down For The Count

  • "the first-bled spawn of Count Dracula himself", writes poetry about the dark lord; dressed "in a beautiful silk little boy garment", ruffled collar, "pasty", "Nosferatu potato-shaped head", vibrant blue silk arm — 00:04:39. Card calls him "the first Turned" — 00:05:26.
  • Demands respect: "give me the respect I deserve as the first vampire made by-" — 00:06:02; "I'm a man of respect and I'm a man who should be respected by everyone. I'm very much an adult." — 00:07:06
  • Leader in theory only: "I'm a leader in theory. And in practice, not at all." — 00:12:18
  • Origin: "when he created me in his image, except that it was completely different" — 00:34:57; Dracula "had to figure out how to transform creatures into vampire, and he had to throw some stuff at the wall to see what sticks." — 00:35:08. His head "looks sort of both wet and dry pasta" and undulates, can be molded like a stress ball — 00:35:28; Aleksandr "can sort of make another head by molding it" — 00:35:37; Aleksandr asks to take a sample of Squing's head — 00:36:01.
  • Past: "When I was a child, we would just have to fall down mountains." — 00:44:55; "Maybe decades, maybe thousands of years." — 00:47:47; "I remember fire being new." — 00:47:51
  • Was once run over by Dracula's carriage driver Drago, trampled by four horses and six wheels — 00:45:21.
  • Seat on the carriage: Zac says "I don't know if Squing would drive, but definitely whatever feels like the most important seat, he will go for it." — 00:38:08; Drago is the one who drives — 00:41:16.
  • Promised "100 poems for the entire time that we were waiting for the Count" and has finished zero — 00:42:12; has "written about 80 half poems"; the one complete rhyme "Dracula is spectacula" — 00:49:42
  • Wisdom save on whether he brought the letter: natural 1, "You ate it." — 01:00:16; "I misunderstood." — 01:00:20
  • Insight check on the businessman: 13 against Jasmine's 14, fails — 00:48:37, 00:48:44
  • Performance check to recite the poem to Dracula in "the box of Doom" — 01:00:54–01:01:19
  • Placed "groveling" near Dracula for the battle — 01:06:30

CR E2: Attacks on the Tracks

  • Horrified by Dracula's wound he enters his Form of Dread: "goes into his Form of Dread. And as a bonus action, I can transform or manifest an aspect of my patron's dread." — 00:05:53; his features elongate: "I look like someone had like a Photoshop tool and just pulled it." — 00:05:53; the extra HP: "I rolled for my extra HP and I got 17." — 00:20:14
  • First line: "What the hell is going on here?" — 00:05:50
  • Perception 13 ("I have a negative one"): "he is very intent on killing Dracula and probably no one else in your party." — 00:07:11
  • Casts Summon Lesser Demon to bring back Zarb: "uht-oh, shit, fuck, no." — 00:08:47
  • Pact of the Talisman: "I pull out like this disgusting fish." — 00:10:16; "whenever your talisman fails an ability check, they can add a d4 to the roll." — 00:14:43
  • Pulls Dracula's body behind a column — 00:10:40; later puts him in the coffin (bonus action) — 00:36:23
  • Drags the coffin 20 feet (Athletics 8; speed 45 ft. "Because of the mobile feet.") — 00:37:56–00:38:26; Strength modifier "only plus 1" — 00:37:26
  • Intimidation of Percival, 13 ("a plus 4 to this") — 00:40:30
  • Calls for Drago: "Drago!" — 00:41:05
  • Bite on Percival, 21 to hit, 5 damage: "It's the worst bite I've ever had." — 00:52:45
  • Athletics 11 with the coffin, Flash of Genius carries him the whole way: "Hey, can you open the trunk, Drago?" — 01:02:43
  • Stays calm after the loss: "You know what trains are? Horrible." — 01:18:46
  • Has "only been in twice" in Dracula's chambers: "We have to get him back to his room, which I've only been in twice, and I would love to see again." — 01:20:15
  • Eats Aleksandr's letters: "And I like to eat letters." — 01:42:10; "Do you ever see me not munching on a couple of letters?" — 01:42:22; pees blood because of it: "Do I pee blood? Yes." — 01:43:46; "I was the first vampire Count Dracula created." — 01:43:56
  • Apologizes: "I eat your letters, okay? I eat your letters." — 01:53:06; "I'm a baby boomer in baby bloomers." — 01:53:39
  • Stabbed by Aleksandr as he talks to the coffin: "Ow, ow! Fuck, Sasha stabbed me!" — 01:54:19; Aleksandr: "I'm good now." — 01:54:24
  • Is "like a million years old" — 01:22:41

CR E3: Let's Kill Everybody

  • Appears in the barn and is hungry: "Is anyone else hungry?" — 00:17:27; to Florina: "No, you will look like me." — 00:17:39; "Hey, I'm older than everyone here." — 00:18:43
  • His plan: give Florina money "to bring back the worst people in town" for breakfast — 00:18:25; wants "a French laundry person" — 00:22:14; the hunger runs through the episode: "I'm so hungry, it's a problem." — 00:41:21; "I'm gonna eat that kid if we leave." — 00:41:06
  • Deception 21 about the train ("the big tube") — 00:32:48, 00:32:53; "Everything is a bunch of shapes, sort of flat." — 00:34:47
  • Sits up top with Drago — 00:43:30; recognizes Zaria: "Oh, it's one of my mommies again." — 00:49:15
  • Learns he looks like "a thumb" and "wormapillar" — 00:57:51, 00:58:10; "I've been alive since before they were a thing." — 00:58:39; "I looked in, I mean, you know, a running lake." — 00:58:46
  • Bites the bridge worker, blood drinking 1d4+2, four blood points — 01:11:56, 01:12:07; uses three, keeps one, to have Fly back as a third-level slot — 01:13:10–01:13:20
  • Afraid of running water: "I just am so scared of that, it's all I wanna say." — 01:10:13; casts Fly on himself — 01:19:12; wings of young bone — 01:19:22
  • Bites a straggler (20 to hit, five blood points) — 01:20:48, 01:20:56; spends two blood points to heal seven HP — 01:25:38
  • Pushes the broken carriage into the river (Athletics 21); Wisdom save 21: "Come on, Squing, hold it together." — 01:23:29, 01:23:50, 01:24:08
  • Flies up for Perception (16, advantage) — 01:29:07
  • Dimitri's blessing: "You gain 10 blood points." — 01:33:19; "And you feel your noggin get a little bit larger." — 01:33:25; two more cards for Summon Lesser Demon — 01:33:38–01:33:45
  • Aleksandr: "You ate yours!" — 01:40:39; Squing: "It was basically eaten when it got there." — 01:40:47
  • Summon Lesser Demon again: Zarb comes out of his head and the head returns to normal — 01:45:20, 01:45:32–01:45:38

CR E4: Waylaid by Werewolves

  • Struck by a branch ("fleshy face", 11 bludgeoning) and a twig stays in his head; "You'd think I know what these were by now, devilish branches." — 00:07:20; the werewolf's held-action grab he takes for another branch: "Not another branch." — 00:17:17, "At no point has Squing realized that that was not a branch." — 00:17:20; sources: 00:06:49, 00:07:30
  • Dex saves 12 and later 14, 14 for branches — 00:05:17, 00:28:18, 00:32:02; Strength save 12 — 00:07:07
  • Form of Dread (bonus action): features elongate; a fanged bite attack, 19 to hit, 1d4+4, Wisdom save DC 12 or frightened until end of his next turn; Squing's head keeps getting larger — 00:17:42, 01:11:51–01:12:15, 00:24:05
  • Takes Drago's ballista: "+6 to hit", 1d12 plus four (Jasmine says "three" at 00:20:12, corrected: "Plus four, okay." 00:20:55), a bonus action to reload; Pact of the Talisman on himself turns 12 into 15 — 00:20:10–00:20:55
  • Asks Aleksandr what a crossbow is: "Quick, Sasha, tell me, what is this?" — 00:18:13
  • Temp HP: "seven plus eight so I got 15 temp HP" — 00:23:13
  • Athletics 14, +1 from the Pact of the Talisman = 15 to drag the coffin; dashes 40 feet out, 90 feet total with the dash — 00:49:09, 00:49:33
  • Reads the letter: "Dear Squing, emotions are difficult for me" <…> — 00:52:20; keeps the cruel lines to himself; "stands a little taller" — 00:53:07, 00:53:33. His memory: playing chess with Dracula over two cups of blood by the fire, "I get instantly checkmated every single time." — 00:53:59, 00:54:14
  • Bites a werewolf and drinks: three werewolf blood points although already full at 10 — 01:12:41, 01:12:45
  • Repeats the line "I've heard of a CAT scan." again and again — 01:10:16, 01:11:28, 01:16:12
  • Tries to eat Florina to solve the weight problem: "If that helps anything, I can eat the child." — 01:26:09
  • Learns of the dog-wife: "I've never seen your wife, but sheesh." — 01:30:16
  • Flies out with his small bone wings (fly speed 60 feet), carrying the half-open coffin's body "like a bride", reabsorbs Zarb; sends Zarb to help Drago — 01:34:27–01:36:18
  • Reads Dracula the line meant for him and asks "You mean me, right?" — 01:43:03–01:43:43

CR E5: Drac's Moved-In Castle

  • Weakened by dawn with May: "As the dawn's light hits May and Squing, you feel yourselves greatly weakened with the sun's power." — 00:02:28; "I gotta go to bed." — 00:02:53
  • Offers to take the bracelet: "Can I have the bracelet?" — 00:05:23; Wetzel: "Nobody should take the bracelet. Get rid of it." — 00:05:25
  • Cannot take his Form of Dread, use One with the Shadows, or his vampiric bite, and loses Devil's Sight and Beast Speech; Armor of Shadows stays as a warlock pact feature; he still casts his spells; he has 10 blood points and one spell slot — 00:09:13–00:10:29
  • On treaties: "Treaties are rules you kind of make for yourself that you keep and that is sort of the point of them." — 00:05:50
  • Offers to eat Florina as a joke: "If I were to eat Florina, I would say that she would be a treaty." — 00:06:11
  • Receives Dracula's farewell letter from Dimitri (snot and tears on it); reads it aloud — 00:32:26–00:34:15; the letter asks him to keep Wetzel from being bullied by Setzer, pay the staff, keep treaties, "look after all of the wives, especially May" and keep Aleksandr's lab supplied, and adds: "I don't intend to come back, but I have every confidence that you will rise to the occasion and lead the household to glory in my absence. Life has lost its luster for me" — 00:32:26; later Squing says he was trusted to take care of the place — 01:19:11; "I guess he wasn't intending to come back." — 00:34:34
  • Eats letters as a habit: "I used to have zero letters, and now I have two." — 00:32:16; May: "And whichever ones are still stuck in your digestive tract." — 00:32:22; vomits up all his letters at the Wards — 00:53:26–00:53:36
  • At the study door: repeated polite apologies that become a meltdown: "I'm sorry, at what point did you think this was okay?" — 00:50:40; Intimidation 8, then, after Wetzel plays hype man (help action), a reroll with advantage "exactly the same number" — 00:54:10–00:55:01
  • Eats the Wards' paperwork (Zac mimes scarfing it; Emil: "what with your consumption of paper goods") — 00:55:31–00:56:06, 00:56:54; to Emil: "I'm gonna have to control myself a little bit here 'cause I just don't think it's productive to freak and cut your head off" — 00:57:38
  • Puts a suit-of-armor helm on Dracula's body; later a helm on himself, with a hat on top placed by May — 01:06:33, 01:09:06–01:09:17
  • Persuasion natural 20 in the lair; Dracula stirs and speaks — 01:06:56–01:07:37
  • Self-description: "a long time ago pre-Dracula people kinda thought I was annoying and a bad guy" — 01:16:56; "I will rule with a very soft head." — 01:19:11
  • Athletics natural 20 throws two workers out of the window; intimidation 23 — 01:27:26–01:27:32, 01:28:25; Jasmine: "you unleash the flamethrower. You go into your Dread Form, and May, what do you do?" — 01:29:53 (the second "you" is taken to be Squing, whose Form of Dread it is; the first is Aleksandr)
  • Chooses to stay as right-hand man: "I've always been sort of a right hand man, and I would like to stay in that comfort zone" — 01:32:15

CR E6: Feed the Beast

  • Rolls "a dirty 20" for initiative (a total) — 00:05:45; Jasmine: "It's your turn, by the way, with that 20 initiative." — 00:06:53
  • Does not know which coffin is Dracula's; learns it is "the big one in the center" — 00:06:18–00:06:30
  • Apologises: "I use my action and my bonus action to apologize." — 00:07:01; casts fly on himself again: "Horribly little baby-boned wings pop out of my shoulders." — 00:07:23; places Dracula in the coffin: "My Dark Lord, time for a nappy-poo." — 00:07:56
  • When Dracula rises: "I think I fucked up." — 00:09:11
  • Moves Zarb, has Zarb fart on Razvan (DC 11 Constitution save, poisoned to the start of its next turn) and enters Form of Dread as a bonus action — 00:12:54–00:14:04
  • Thinks the cure is feeding: "I think if we get Papa Dracula up to full strength maybe he'll come back to himself, right?" — 00:41:00; flies 20 feet and "wood chippers" a tourist into Dracula's mouth (Athletics 11, +3 from Pact of the Talisman = 14 against 12) — 00:41:09–00:41:55
  • Hit by a holy-water grenade (dirty 20 on the save, 20 radiant halved to 10) — 00:26:24–00:26:53; hit by Jimothy's stake launcher for 16 plus 5 "because you are a vampire", at 52 — 01:01:45–01:01:58; holy water cracks on his head for 21 — 01:09:17–01:09:36
  • Misty Steps behind the nuns: "Just us four nuns over here." — 01:13:53; spends two blood points for 2d6, regains 2 HP — 01:14:14–01:14:31
  • To the returned Dracula: "It's been hell without you." — 01:23:56; "You ate Setzer by the way. I don't know." — 01:25:45
  • Speech to Dracula: "I just wanna say that maybe they should be in charge and you're sort of a figurehead, you know?" — 01:30:23; "I can still be the second in command to May or whatever." — 01:30:23
  • Named minister of foreign affairs by Dracula's last command — 01:42:32; recites his poem "Dracula is... spectacula." — 01:45:22; Dracula's answer: "Squing is cringe." — 01:46:19; Squing: "yeah, minister of cringe." — 01:46:37
  • Hopes Wetzel and Drago get a carriage: "I hope we can get him a carriage." — 01:40:07