Street Race to the Death (Ep. 4)

0:00:05 Brennan: You see this Dwarven girl is laid up in the nurse's office. He reaches into her hand, takes out a crumpled piece of paper.

0:00:13 Adaine: It says, "Penny, Johnny, Crystal Palimpses?"

0:00:17 Brennan: Deeper in the garage, there is a full dance studio.

0:00:21 Emily: I need to know more now!

0:00:25 Brennan: You hear a voice coming from the garage.

0:00:28 Voice: Save me.

0:00:29 Fig: Uh, guys, we gotta go.

0:00:31 Brennan: There is a crystal with a young girl putting her hands up against the outside of the crystal from the inside of it. You [whooshes] get the crystal in your hand, you grab the keys, there is a sick hot rod right there.

0:00:43 Riz: You guys wanna go for a ride?

0:00:45 Fig: Yeah, absolutely.

0:00:46 Brennan: One of the tieflings says,

0:00:47 Greaser: Johnny, they're gettin' in your car!

0:00:48 Brennan: Johnny Spells goes,

0:00:48 Johnny: All right, gang. [snaps fingers] Let's rumble! [END RECAP] [sizzling] [screeches] [growling]

0:01:01 Brennan: Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Fantasy High. Last we left our heroes, they were speeding down the highway in a stolen hot rod.

0:01:10 Murph: So rad.

0:01:11 Brennan: So fuckin' rad. As you guys leap into the car and peel off, you guys see that the tiefling greasers rushed to their motorcycles. You have a few seconds as Fig peels out of the garage parking lot to talk about what you're gonna do.

0:01:26 Adaine: Oh my god, we stole a car, we stole a car, we stole a car.

0:01:29 Fabian: Yes, we did, we stole a car. But, okay, they're after us.

0:01:33 Emily: I turn the- [Brennan cackles]

0:01:35 Greasers: Let's rumble!

0:01:36 Emily: I turn the radio on. [static crackles]

0:01:37 Fabian: Okay, that's not helpful, Fig.

0:01:40 Adaine: Just drive fast!

0:01:41 Riz: [crosstalk] What's with the crystal?

0:01:42 Kristen: [crosstalk] Who has the crystal? Who has the crystal?

0:01:43 Adaine: [crosstalk] I have the crystal!

0:01:45 Brennan: And we are in combat.

0:01:47 Fabian: Great. [chuckles]

0:01:49 Emily: I'm just looking for the right song.

0:01:51 Ally: Looking for the heavy metal station.

0:01:53 Fabian: Focus on the road please, Fig.

0:01:54 Fig: Ugh, NPR, no.

0:01:56 Brennan: I'm going to need Riz to kindly make a Wisdom saving throw.

0:02:04 Murph: Okay. 9.

0:02:08 Brennan: Johnny speaks to you as [revving], motorcycle speeds up. He goes,

0:02:13 Johnny: Hey, kid, don't you wanna be cool? Why don't you pull that car over to the side of the road?

0:02:19 Riz: Great idea, Johnny!

0:02:21 Brennan: And that's going to be Fabian's turn.

0:02:26 Lou: Riz still appears to be reacting normal?

0:02:30 Brennan: Yeah, he appears normal.

0:02:30 Lou: Okay, great. I turn, it's a convertible, right?

0:02:36 Brennan: You guys are in the sickest, dopest hot rod. Skulls everywhere, smells like leather and a little bit of brimstone. You are peeling through this neighborhood, over across from Elema Valley, this is where the Faeth home is, Krom's Diner, the gas station. There's like some scenery, like garbage and stuff around here.

0:02:52 Lou: I'm gonna use my hand crossbow to try and strike the second, the one just behind Johnny.

0:02:59 Brennan: Go ahead and roll an attack roll, man.

0:03:02 Lou: 20, not nat.

0:03:04 Brennan: 20 is going to hit. Go ahead and give me your damage there.

0:03:11 Brennan: 10.

0:03:12 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:03:12 Brennan: Jesus Christ! This is Mr. Spike Chain, right here?

0:03:17 Lou: Yeah. I don't like that spike chain.

0:03:20 Zac: The second guy, this guy?

0:03:21 Lou: Yeah, the second guy.

0:03:22 Brennan: You see he's going,

0:03:22 Greaser: Yeah, let's get it, boys!

0:03:26 Brennan: [mimes arrows striking into throat] Right into his throat. [barfs] Hot, fiery blood comes oozing out of his mouth. He looks fucked up.

0:03:31 Fig: Whoo!

0:03:36 Lou: That amps me up and I rev it!

0:03:36 Fabian: Huzzah! I think.

0:03:38 Ally: [to themself] Shit.

0:03:39 Brennan: Gorgug, it's gonna be you.

0:03:41 Zac: Okay, can I make an Insight check on top of, or is that my turn?

0:03:46 Brennan: Go, no, you can make a free Insight check.

0:03:47 Zac: I'm gonna take a, 'cause I want to look at that motorcycle and see if I can understand it more. That's alive.

0:03:55 Brennan: Go ahead.

0:03:55 Zac: Yeah, is that Insight?

0:03:57 Brennan: That is Insight, yeah.

0:03:59 Zac: Okay. [die clacks] Oh shit. [die clacks]

0:04:03 Emily: Ooh!

0:04:05 Zac: 18

0:04:06 Brennan: It is a pure hell beast. You have a feeling that some kind of creature of the lower plains has been bound into this motorcycle so that Johnny can ride it without having to steer it so that he can cast his spells.

0:04:19 Emily: But you are familiar with hell.

0:04:23 Ally: Did hell leave anything on him?

0:04:25 Zac: I start thinking about that, and it freaks me out so much that I go into a rage. [laughing] And I throw a hand ax at the skull of that motorcycle.

0:04:38 Brennan: At the skull of the motorcycle? Go ahead and throw.

0:04:42 Zac: All right, so that would just be, advance, okay. So one, okay. [die clacks] I got 18.

0:04:51 Brennan: 18. [whooshes] It's a dead:on hit, but there's some, it's very very hard, so the skull surface, you go whoomp, clang! And you see a tiny crack appears, but it doesn't deal full damage. You get the sensation that this thing can be hit, but it'll be very hard to deal damage to this.

0:05:09 Zac: Gotcha.

0:05:11 Brennan: That's going to be Riz.

0:05:13 Murph: Am I under Johnny's control?

0:05:15 Brennan: You think that the smartest possible thing to do would be to pull this car over:

0:05:20 Ally: Fuck.

0:05:20 Brennan: And hash this out.

0:05:20 Ally: Fuck!

0:05:22 Murph: Can I fight against this at all, or is this just-

0:05:25 Brennan: You are allowed to interpret that whatever way you want. You don't have to enact violence on your friends, but you gotta get this car over to the side of the road.

0:05:36 Murph: Cool.

0:05:37 Ally: Fuck.

0:05:39 Murph: I hop up to the front, I guess, with those guys.

0:05:46 Brennan: Mhmm.

0:05:47 Fig: What the fuck are you doing?

0:05:49 Riz: I think we should pull over.

0:05:52 Fabian: Riz, no, let's not.

0:05:52 Kristen: What? Fuck, Riz! Can someone stuff Riz in a bag?

0:05:58 Riz: I'm not gonna physically make you stop, but I think that you should pull over.

0:06:04 Emily: Okay, yeah, yeah, I'll give it some thought.

0:06:06 Riz: Yeah.

0:06:06 Kristen: Great.

0:06:07 Emily: I turn the radio up. [rock music]

0:06:12 Brennan: Yeah, Riz, you feel like your friends are not listening to you. That's your action for that round, but these guys need to, you gotta get that car over to the side of the road. That's going to be Adaine.

0:06:24 Siobhan: I would like to cast, as a non-ritual Identify on this crystal that I'm holding.

0:06:31 Brennan: Rad. You cast Identify. Immediately you, [whooshes], the crystal swirls around. You hear a voice saying,

0:06:40 Identify Spell: Hello, Adaine, it is I, the raw force of your arcane intellect, here to talk to you about the exciting things to discover about the nature of this crystal palimpsest.

0:06:54 Adaine: Oh god, I'm such a nerd.

0:06:59 Identify Spell: The palimpsest is a form of dream crystal. An arcano-technology used in acquisition-

0:07:06 Adaine: Speed it up!

0:07:07 Identify Spell: You will find, [buzzing] Basically, the crystal palimpsest is used for storing information. Now, most crystals, dream crystals, are monitored by the council of chosen. However, it is possible to remove the enchantments by using arcane techniques to scrape away those divinatory elements so that a dream crystal may be removed from oversight of the council. This process is involved in the creation of the palimpsest.

0:07:40 Adaine: Is that bad?

0:07:42 Identify Spell: I am raw intellect. Your moral weight has no effect on me. Pure data!

0:07:49 Adaine: That school I was sent to was bad!

0:07:53 Identify Spell: I don't know what that means either.

0:07:54 Adaine: Oh god.

0:07:55 Brennan: [crosstalk] That’s going to be:

0:07:56 Siobhan: [crosstalk] Is there something trapped inside it? Sorry.

0:07:58 Brennan: Yes, you sense that there is a person trapped inside this, basically.

0:08:03 Siobhan: One person?

0:08:03 Brennan: One person trapped inside this. That's now going to be Fig. So Fig, you can take your turn, you're also driving. Driving is going to take your movement for the turn.

0:08:15 Emily: My movement, okay.

0:08:17 Brennan: You have an action and a bonus action. The main thing for you to watch right now is I need you to make a Perception check, if you'd be so kind.

0:08:25 Emily: Okay. 16.

0:08:32 Brennan: So you are approaching an intersection. So there's a stop sign coming up ahead of you on the road past here. The speed of this combat is occurring so fast that tactical movement on the board would be impossible. So you guys are just flying from road to road, basically. Now, what I need you to do, knowing there's an intersection coming up, is I need you to decide if you want, you have a couple actions you can take. I'm gonna tell you different actions you can take with your movement. You can floor it, which is just accelerating, which is gonna mean that they're gonna have a harder time catching up with you unless they also floor it. You will have disadvantage on steering if you do this.

0:09:11 Emily: Okay.

0:09:12 Brennan: You can cruise, which is going the same speed you're going right now. You can hit the brakes, which is gonna give you an advantage on steering, but it's gonna slow you down, letting them catch up, or you can move evasive, which slows you down but gives the car a plus five to its AC.

0:09:27 Emily: Can I cruise, but lay on the horn? [horn honking]

0:09:31 Brennan: You may absolutely cruise but lay on the horn. That is totally fine.

0:09:34 Emily: I'm gonna cruise but lay on the horn. But I still have an action and a bonus action, right?

0:09:39 Brennan: That's correct.

0:09:40 Emily: Okay, so I turn the radio up, it's Rainbow in the Dark, it's blaring, I look in the rearview mirror and I cast Sleep on-

0:09:54 Murph: Oh my god!

0:09:56 Emily: All of this.

0:09:58 Brennan: This is a 20 foot radius, yes?

0:09:59 Emily: Yeah, 20 foot radius.

0:10:01 Brennan: Hold on a second, [mumbling]. Okay, tell me where you want this, Jesus Christ!

0:10:07 Emily: I'm gonna do it on, let's do it on all the lackeys.

0:10:12 Brennan: Jesus Christ. Okay.

0:10:15 Emily: So I get to roll my d8 five times, and that's how many people it puts to sleep.

0:10:20 Brennan: You get to roll your d8, yes, five times, that's how many hit points of people it puts to sleep.

0:10:26 Emily: Oh, I see, okay. Two, eight, 22 hit points worth of people.

0:10:41 Brennan: You see that this guy with the arrow in his neck and the guy with the crowbar right next to him [slow lullaby starts playing] each fuckin' dip, [sighs]

0:10:49 Lackeys: Nighty night.

0:10:55 Brennan: [banging] Bam, whack! This guy fucking takes-

0:10:58 Emily: Does it hurt them? ‘Cause they fall on the side?

0:11:00 Brennan: This guy takes all the way off into this bench and crashes into it. This guy is going to fly off the side of the road this way. Johnny's gonna have to make a dodge attempt to not get hit by the motorcycles going off the road. [rolls dice] He swerves out of the way as the guy with the spike chain flies off the side of the highway, and we're gonna go ahead and do 3d6 points of damage for each of them. [rolls dice] This chain guy is straight:up fuckin' dead. You watch him dip into a ditch off the side of the road, his whole spine snaps, you can all hear it.

0:11:35 Players: Whoa!

0:11:36 Brennan: Bam, gone.

0:11:36 Emily: Eat it, bitch!

0:11:38 Brennan: And the other dude who goes into the bench is extremely fucked up as well.

0:11:45 Greaser: Oh, Johnny!

0:11:49 Brennan: You see-

0:11:50 Siobhan: What a pussy.

0:11:52 Murph: He'll never dance again.

0:11:53 Emily: Oh yeah, I hope you break your legs, bitches! [laughing] And then for my bonus action, is there anything else, any other business there?

0:12:02 Brennan: No, that's your Sleep spell.

0:12:03 Emily: Okay, bonus action I'm gonna give Bardic Inspiration to not you [Murph]. [laughing] I'm gonna give Fabian some Bardic Inspiration.

0:12:12 Lou: Let's get it.

0:12:13 Ally: What does that mean again?

0:12:15 Emily: He can choose to add a d6, in the next 10 minutes he can add a d6 to a roll.

0:12:19 Ally: Oh, cool, cool. Hell yeah.

0:12:21 Zac: Just once though.

0:12:22 Emily: To an attack or ability, not a damage, though.

0:12:25 Ally: Oh, cool.

0:12:26 Emily: So I look in the rearview mirror, make eye contact with Fabian, I give him a wink.

0:12:30 Lou: Oh, I feel feelings I've never felt before. [laughing] And try and get back to the matter at hand, and very much, what was that? What was that? What does that mean? Is it like a thing? I don't know.

0:12:45 Brennan: You see that the greasers behind you draw a bunch of weapons, three of them draw arcubi, different pistols and stuff like that, they take some shots. What is your armor class?

0:12:53 Lou: 18.

0:12:54 Brennan: And what is your armor class?

0:12:55 Zac: 13, but I'm raging?

0:12:56 Emily: What does that mean?

0:12:56 Brennan: Okay. Let's see here.

0:12:59 Zac: I take half damage to certain types of attacks.

0:13:02 Brennan: [rolls dice] Ooh.

0:13:03 Zac: Does it qualify as one of the types of attacks that is halved, or?

0:13:07 Brennan: He misses you anyway. You guys actually, your armor class is a little bit improved as well, because you're ducking in a car, you're like looking out the back of a car.

0:13:14 Emily: Ooh!

0:13:15 Brennan: One of them however does, so one of them hits you, Lou, and deals you-

0:13:21 Lou: Who is Lou?

0:13:21 Emily: Who is Lou?

0:13:22 Lou: I'm Fabian! [laughing]

0:13:25 Brennan: You see that this dude with the flaming sort of orangy hair in the back pulls out an arcubus, pops you for seven points of damage. [whistles] And I'm gonna need you to make a Constitution saving throw.

0:13:40 Lou: Okay. 7.

0:13:43 Emily: But you could a d6.

0:13:45 Lou: I could add-

0:13:45 Emily: If you wanted.

0:13:46 Lou: I don't actually, I'm not sure what's happening.

0:13:49 Emily: Oh, it's a 7?

0:13:51 Lou: I'll take the 7.

0:13:55 Brennan: You take the 7?

0:13:55 Lou: Yeah.

0:13:55 Brennan: Cool.

0:13:57 Brennan: You see that the bullet enters your body and you immediately feel [flares] a rush of fire inside of you.

0:14:00 Ally: Shit.

0:14:04 Lou: Oh god. [mumbling] Maybe I should’ve taken the Bardic Inspiration.

0:14:09 Brennan: You feel a sickening infernal thing as the bullet, you see the guy behind you goes,

0:14:14 Greaser: Ooh, [snaps] bullet burn!

0:14:18 Emily: Wow, you're gonna let him get away with that?

0:14:21 Lou: Absolutely not.

0:14:22 Emily: That was so, wow.

0:14:25 Brennan: Some kind of weird infernal fiery dance magic is happening in your body. You have disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks.

0:14:34 Lou: Got it.

0:14:35 Emily: For how long?

0:14:37 Brennan: You are under the effect of the poisoned condition.

0:14:40 Lou: Got it.

0:14:42 Brennan: Then another one of them hurls something at the car.  I'm gonna need everybody to make a Dexterity saving throw.

0:14:53 Zac: Oh, cool, I have an advantage in Dexterity.

0:14:56 Siobhan: Shit.

0:14:57 Emily: Oh, fuck.

0:14:58 Ally: 15.

0:14:59 Lou: 18.

0:15:00 Emily: 6.

0:15:00 Zac: I got an 8.

0:15:01 Murph: 9.

0:15:02 Brennan: Who here got a 12 or above?

0:15:05 Zac: I did. [raises hand]

0:15:06 Brennan: You guys each take 1 point of fire damage. The three of you each take 3 points of fire damage.

0:15:13 Emily: What if I'm resistant to fire damage?

0:15:14 Brennan: Then you take 1 point of damage. See, one of them goes, [laughing] [whooshes] And a molotov cocktail in a little liquor bottle, [whooshes] smashes, you see that Johnny turns around on his motorcycle and goes,

0:15:25 Johnny: Hey man, that's my car!

0:15:29 Brennan: Tiefling goes,

0:15:29 Greaser: Sorry Johnny, I'm just trying to stop 'em! [laughing]

0:15:35 Brennan: That's now going to be Kristen.

0:15:38 Ally: Heck yeah. All right. I'm going to cast Bane on Johnny and the next two tieflings.

0:15:47 Brennan: Ooh.

0:15:47 Emily: Ooh.

0:15:49 Brennan: Rad, they are going to roll some saving throws, I believe.

0:15:53 Ally: Yes.

0:15:54 Brennan: Charisma saving throws. What is your spell save DC?

0:15:57 Ally: Spell save...

0:16:00 Siobhan: I would like to give Johnny the, my 3 divination.

0:16:04 Brennan: Oh!

0:16:04 Emily: Oh!

0:16:05 Siobhan: On that saving throw, please. Brennan laughs and claps his hands.

0:16:08 Ally: 14 is my spell saving.

0:16:10 Emily: Dude, that's awesome.

0:16:12 Brennan: That is so fuckin' rad. So 14 is your saving throw for them? And it's him and these two guys?

0:16:19 Ally: Mhmm.

0:16:20 Brennan: Rad. You see, and it's a Charisma saving throw. It's 14. Kristen leans out of the side of the thing. You're casting Bane, so you're like calling down the anger of the gods. What do you say?

0:16:30 Kristen: Hey! By Helio, maybe? I cast you Bane! [laughing]

0:16:34 Emily: [incredulously] I cast you...? [breaks off laughing]

0:16:38 Brennan: And you see that, so you're like leaning, in this fuckin' wild curve, you lean and like hang out the fuckin' side of the car, and you see that as it's happening, Johnny raises a hand up to prevent the magic from happening, and Adaine leans out the side of the car too and eyes go blue, [whooshes], [bangs]. You see Johnny goes [shouts] as fate and destiny twist around him, bam! Affected by the Bane spell. You feel its effects also occur on this fellow with the ax right here are both under Bane. Awesome, so that's-

0:17:08 Ally: So that means every time they roll, what happens?

0:17:11 Emily: They roll a d4 and it subtracts from it.

0:17:14 Brennan: The beginning of the next round. [rock music] You guys are, [whooshes], speeding through the intersection here. Johnny Spells pulls up alongside you. Make a Dexterity saving throw, if you'd be so kind.

0:17:28 Emily: Dexterity saving throw. That's gonna be 16.

0:17:31 Brennan: You make your saving throw as you see a car coming through the other way pulling out of a stoplight, full of a whole happy little halfling family.

0:17:41 Lou: Oh my god.

0:17:42 Emily: But the horn.

0:17:44 Brennan: You're laying on the horn! [horn honking] [laughing] You see that you approach the intersection, [honks] lay on the horn, fuckin' music blaring on the radio, you're slinging spells and axes and bolts out of the car as these tieflings come up alongside you. You see up ahead this little halfling, he's got like a little thing on his foot to reach the pedal, and he's got a thing to help him see over the back, and he goes, all right kids, we'll be at ice cream soon enough, diner's just down the waA… [Lou laughing] And you, [screeching] slide and fucking fishtail Toyko Drift, bam, hit the hydrant.

0:18:17 Emily: Yeah!

0:18:19 Brennan: Whoosh, on the other side. [clapping] Now we're gonna make some saving throws for the tieflings to see-

0:18:21 Emily: Yeah!

0:18:24 Lou: If they kill all these halflings?

0:18:28 Brennan: They're gonna make some checks here.

0:18:30 Lou: I love that, bang off the hydrant, great move, great move. [laughing] Great maneuver.

0:18:36 Siobhan: Can I, are the halflings rolling?

0:18:39 Brennan: The halflings aren't rolling anything. They're in a terrible situation.

0:18:42 Ally: You were gonna give them your high throw? How dare you. [laughing]

0:18:46 Lou: They'll be fine! [all talking at once]

0:18:50 Lou: That's made out of steel, you know, that's like, that's one of those classics.

0:18:55 Brennan: You see this car sort of [screeches] spins around this way, [whooshes] rush past and the tieflings all dodge and avoid the vehicle, one by one, Johnny comes right up alongside you guys, right about the driver side window, [revving] up on the sidewalk, over here, this guy, I'm gonna have to make his thing for him. Hold on.

0:19:19 Lou: Is that the-

0:19:20 Brennan: That's the guy who hit the bench. [laughing]

0:19:26 Emily: I mean, he'll get fucked, right? Not the halflings.

0:19:29 Brennan: You see the tiefling right here in the middle of the street makes a full:on collision with the vehicle, he's now going to make a Dexterity saving throw. Holy shit. You guys see this event unfold behind you. The injured tiefling who's going, hey guys, wait up for me! As this halfling family goes,

0:19:49 The Cubbys: Oh my lord! Ever heard of a stop sign?!

0:19:56 Brennan: The last motorcycle, bam! Hits the collision, dealing not enough damage to hurt any of the halflings inside that sweet little car.

0:20:06 Siobhan: Praise Helio.

0:20:08 Emily: Are they still gonna get ice cream?

0:20:09 Ally: Hey, nice.

0:20:10 Brennan: That is for a different campaign. However, that tiefling on the motorcycle makes his Dexterity saving throw, I'm gonna make an Acrobatics check for him. And he lands on the back of the car. He vaults over the halfling vehicle.

0:20:29 Lou: What the fuck?

0:20:30 Emily: He must've rolled a friggin' nat 20.

0:20:31 Brennan: He rolled a nat 20. He smashes into the side of the car, motorcycle up, he goes over the hoods and goes,

0:20:37 Greaser: Ooh, daddy, play it cool!

0:20:42 Brennan: Bam! Lands on the back-

0:20:44 Ally: Everyone has a daddy thing in this game!

0:20:47 Lou: Everyone has a daddy thing.

0:20:48 Brennan: You guys see, so that's just the beginning of the round in this next area. Johnny Spells is going to need you to make a Wisdom saving throw. Your condition is broken 'cause it's concentration for him.

0:21:00 Emily: Okay. Wisdom saving throw.

0:21:03 Brennan: A Wisdom saving throw.

0:21:07 Emily: Ooh, 21!

0:21:08 Brennan: 21!

0:21:08 Emily: Yeah!

0:21:09 Brennan: You see [revving] he pulls up alongside, his eyes glow bright green, he goes,

0:21:11 Johnny: Hey sweet thing, I'm unattached at the moment, what are you doing later?

0:21:19 Fig: I'm not sweet, I'm sour.

0:21:22 Johnny: Angry little mama.

0:21:26 Brennan: His Suggestion spell fades. That's Johnny Spell's turn, that's Fabian.

0:21:30 Lou: I'm taking this man on the back of our trail.

0:21:33 Ally: Yeah, he's already injured.

0:21:34 Lou: Yeah!

0:21:34 Emily: All the way down.

0:21:35 Murph: That dude is going to hell, right now.

0:21:37 Lou: Yeah, let's fuck with that guy. But I guess I'm rolling at disadvantage?

0:21:41 Brennan: Yes, rolling at disadvantage, you are poisoned.

0:21:43 Lou: So nine. And six. Six, 12.

0:21:50 Brennan: Yes. You leap up with your sword and [flares] the fire spreads through your body, preventing you from fully [grunts], and he clang, takes with his crowbar,

0:22:01 Greaser: Ooh, little man wants to rumble!

0:22:03 Fabian: Shut the fuck up!

0:22:05 Greaser: Ooh, I'm all loose and limber from dance practice.

0:22:08 Fabian: Oh my god!

0:22:10 Kristen: Honestly though, man? This is kinda what you sound like.

0:22:12 Fabian: No, this is not!

0:22:12 Kristen: I'm sorry.

0:22:14 Fabian: I don't sound like this!

0:22:16 Kristen: Yeah you do, it's all flowery and presentational.

0:22:19 Fabian: I say “papa”, I love my father.

0:22:21 Brennan: Oh, Gorgug, that's gonna be you.

0:22:24 Zac: I see this guy who's jumped on there and I’m so mad,

0:22:28 Gorgug: I hate you!

0:22:31 Zac: [laughing] And I roll, ooh, I only get a 12.

0:22:37 Brennan: Only get a 12? I 12 is not going to do it so [grunts], you [whooshes], he leaps over the ax and he goes,

0:22:44 Greaser: Ooh, play it cool, daddio.

0:22:47 Kristen: God damn, honestly though, I could hear you saying all of this.

0:22:50 Greaser: This is what I'm like all the time!

0:22:51 Kristen: I can hear you saying every word.

0:22:52 Fabian: Not how I talk!

0:22:55 Brennan: You guys now see, so, that's Gorgug, next action is going to be Riz.

0:23:01 Murph: I turn to Fig and say,

0:23:01 Riz: Sorry, that wasn't me, I'm gonna shoot this guy in the dick.

0:23:08 Murph: And I pull out my gun and I try to shoot that guy in the dick.

0:23:12 Brennan: The one standing on your car?

0:23:12 Murph: Yeah.

0:23:13 Brennan: Yeah, absolutely, go for it.

0:23:14 Emily: Yeah, shoot him!

0:23:17 Murph: 13?

0:23:18 Brennan: 13's gonna miss, sadly.

0:23:20 Emily: Oh, motherfucker! Dammit!

0:23:22 Brennan: So he does a full like arched back, you can see his abs like pressing up against the white undershirt. These guys have-

0:23:31 Zac: You can see his abs? We're all like, whoa.

0:23:34 Brennan: You can see his abs through his jacket.

0:23:36 Emily: I look in the rearview mirror and I'm like, whoa, oh, shit.

0:23:38 Brennan: : That's gonna be Adaine.

0:23:42 Siobhan: I would like to cast Ray of Sickness on Johnny, and I would like to use my high roll, please.

0:23:52 Brennan: That's to hit, right?

0:23:53 Siobhan: Yes, so that will be 14 plus six.

0:23:58 Brennan: Oh, to hit him.

0:24:00 Siobhan: So 20.

0:24:01 Brennan: As your attack roll.

0:24:01 SIobhan: Yes.

0:24:02 Brennan: You hit, that is a hit.

0:24:04 SIobhan: Great, so it's 2d8. So eight. And seven, so 15 sickness damage. And then he has to make a Constitution saving throw, and a failed save he's also poisoned until the end of the next turn.

0:24:19 Brennan: And he has Bane on him, right?

0:24:21 Ally: Yeah, and he has Bane on him.

0:24:22 Emily: Which guy?

0:24:22 Siobhan: Johnny.

0:24:23 Emily: Oh, yeah, he's gotta roll a d4.

0:24:25 Brennan: And you're using that for your attack roll, so now he gets a minus 4 to this. So what's your, he got a 13, what is the DC for your spells?

0:24:32 Siobhan: 14, spell save DC is 14.

0:24:34 Brennan: Hell yeah, he's one away. [laughing] So he's now Bane and poisoned. So he goes up, [revving] sees like through this weird magical flirting with Fig, you raise your finger and a stream, it's not, it would be cool if it was like magical energy, it is pure liquid. It originates at a small part of your finger and [shouting] like a force feed like fois gras duck just down his throat.

0:25:01 Adaine: I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

0:25:03 Johnny: Not cool, little mama!

0:25:06 Kristen: Whoa [laughing] Little mama!

0:25:09 Adaine: Somehow you calling me little mama is so much grosser than you puking.

0:25:13 Johnny: Nobody steps to Johnny, [gagging] nobody [gags], nobody… [laughing] Ow, papa's hurtin'!

0:25:21 Brennan: You see, [laughs], fuck yeah, you did 15 damage?

0:25:25 Siobhan: Yeah, I did 15 damage.

0:25:26 Brennan: God damn.

0:25:27 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:25:28 Brennan: Hell yeah.

0:25:29 Siobhan: Yeah.

0:25:30 Brennan: Cool.

0:25:31 Emily: That's powerful.

0:25:32 Brennan: Powerful-ass spell. You see, bah bah bah, that's gonna be Fig. And now you gotta do your drive thing as well, so are you flooring it, are you cruising, are you hitting the brakes? Or are you gonna base it?

0:25:44 Emily: I'm gonna keep cruising.

0:25:46 Brennan: Oh, sorry, you can actually make a Perception check beforehand, if you'd like.

0:25:50 Emily: Perception check. I got a 4.

0:25:53 Brennan: You don't know what the road coming up is gonna be, so you tell me what you're gonna do.

0:25:56 Emily: I'm gonna keep cruising, keep laying on that horn. [horn honking]

0:25:59 Brennan: Keep cruising, keep laying on the horn, you got it. So you take your action and your bonus action.

0:26:02 Emily: I'm just gonna look, this is a cantrip, right? Okay, I'm gonna look in the rearview mirror at this guy and cast Vicious Mockery on him.

0:26:11 Brennan: What's, Wisdom?

0:26:12 Emily: Yeah.

0:26:13 Brennan: He fails. Believe it or not, that guy's not wise.

0:26:16 Emily: Okay, he takes just 2 points of damage, but he also has disadvantage on his next attack roll.

0:26:22 Brennan: Gotcha. These guys are getting fucked up.

0:26:25 Emily: And then I'm gonna give Bardic Inspiration to-

0:26:29 Ally: Aww.

0:26:30 Brennan: Gorgi!

0:26:30 Emily: Gorgug.

0:26:31 Zac: Hell, yeah, I'm just furious.

0:26:32 Emily: So now I look in the rearview mirror and make eye contact with Gorgug and I wink at him.

0:26:37 Gorgug: What's that about? [laughing] What does that mean? I don't know what that means.

0:26:42 Ally: Have you used yours yet?

0:26:44 Brennan: Rad. They're gonna take some more shots at you. The guys standing on the back of the moving car, moving from side to side, reaches out with his crowbar, he's gonna take a swing at Gorgug. Does it with disadvantage. For Gorgug, will a 13 hit?

0:27:02 Zac: My armor class is 13.

0:27:03 Brennan: Cool. So he hits. He swings at you and pops you for 6 points of damage, which is 3 points of damage. So he goes like,

0:27:12 Greaser: Hey kid, let me teach you to samba. Boom! [laughing]

0:27:17 Ally: Oh, so samba.

0:27:20 Gorgug: That's not what that dance is! [laughing]

0:27:25 Brennan: You see that the other tieflings are gonna take some more shots at you guys, now that one of their crew's in there, they're not gonna throw another grenade. That dude-

0:27:34 Zac: Someone throwing a grenade?

0:27:36 Brennan: Ax is Baned, so three of them are gonna take shots. Two of these are gonna be shots at Fabian. Both misses, one's taking a shot at Gorgug. That's going to be a hit. He's gonna go ahead and deal 6 damage, which is now 3 damage again. I'm gonna need you to make a Constitution saving throw.

0:28:01 Lou: Don't make the same mistake I made. [laughing] Use your Bardic Inspiration. [laughing]

0:28:07 Zac: Oh, I got a 6.

0:28:08 Ally: Bardic Inspiration.

0:28:09 Emily: Well, Bardic Inspiration isn't gonna get you to what you need, I don't think.

0:28:13 Zac: Yeah.

0:28:13 Brennan: 6 altogether? Cool. You are under the poisoned condition as well now. [whooshes] [shouts] That's now going to be, that's the greasers' turn, that's now going to be Kristen again.

0:28:27 Ally: Great, okay. [gestures to Zac, Lou, Murph] I am going to cast Bless on you three, [to Emily] sorry.

0:28:35 Emily: No, that's good, that's a smart person to do.

0:28:38 Ally: So yeah, they all have Bless.

0:28:40 Brennan: Riz, Fabian, and Gorgug? The three people with weapons.

0:28:44 Emily: Although, just throwing it out there, I'm driving and I have to do all these saving throws.13: Oh, yeah, true. Okay, cool-

0:28:51 Brennan: Go ahead and make the call.

0:28:52 Ally: Okay, you two and Riz, The Ball.

0:28:56 Emily: Riz is on our side now, so.

0:28:58 Lou: The Ball. [laughing] The Ball is back.

0:29:01 Brennan: Rad. Let's move these off the board.

0:29:05 Lou: God, it's so nice having health.

0:29:07 Murph: Needing some heals at some point.

0:29:08 Emily: Yeah.

0:29:09 Brennan: Yeah, a little bit of hit points goes a long way.

0:29:11 Emily: What is everyone's hit points?

0:29:12 Lou: 21.

0:29:13 Siobhan: I'm on 18.

0:29:14 Murph: I'm at 20 'cause of the temp hit points.

0:29:15 Ally: 24.

0:29:16 Zac: I'm at 26.

0:29:16 Murph: Inspiring speech is dope

0:29:17 Brennan: Okay, steep curve, steep curve.

0:29:20 Lou: Wow.

0:29:21 Brennan: So the first thing I'm gonna need is that saving throw, ooh, is that saving throw from Fig, a Dexterity saving throw. [exhales]

0:29:30 Zac: Do you have Bless there? Okay.

0:29:32 Emily: Oh, baby, we're looking at 20. [revving]

0:29:37 Brennan: Fig is like the best driver you guys have ever seen. Fuckin' [screeching] you have time to light up a Clove if you want.

0:29:43 Emily: I do. [laughing] I take out the flask, but I think better of it, no no.

0:29:48 Siobhan: No drinking and driving.

0:29:49 Brennan: Your little spell energy says,

0:29:49 Identify Spell: Very good to your friend, it's always a danger, and never cool to drink and drive.

0:29:57 Adaine: Oh my god, my own mind is so lame.

0:30:00 Brennan: Make some saving throws for these dope-ass tiefling bikers. They all succeed on their saving throws as they wheel around. You see that that guy up on top also makes his Acrobatics check to stay on, which is successful.

0:30:18 Emily: Are you taking Bane for Johnny's saving throws?

0:30:21 Brennan: Ooh, I need to take Bane for his saving throws, hold on, let me actually reroll his saving throw real quick. No, makes it.

0:30:29 Emily: Oh, damn. Worth a try.

0:30:31 Brennan: Worth a try. So, [screeches] you speed around the corner, the greasers have now pulled up alongside you, [rumbling]. Johnny Spells is going to go. He looks at you, who's just poisoned him. He's now poisoned and Baned, Jesus. [laughs] He has a Bane here. Adaine does a, bah bah bah, 14 hit your armor class? It does? Okay. You see he goes around, raises up his hand and he says,

0:31:11 Johnny: Ooh, you think you're a big bad spell caster? Well, get ready for a big bad spell!

0:31:17 Brennan: And a green skull appears on his hand and he [grunts] hits you for 11 points of acid damage

0:31:24 Adaine: Ow!

0:31:26 Lou: Thank you for that speech, truly.

0:31:28 Ally: Yeah.

0:31:29 Brennan: That's going to be-

0:31:31 Zac: What are you at?

0:31:32 Siobhan: I was at 18, so 7

0:31:36 Brennan: Oh, that's right, you had those temporary hit points.

0:31:38 Siobhan: Yes.

0:31:39 Brennan: That's now going to be Fabian.

0:31:40 Lou: I'm dealing with this man on the back of the car.

0:31:41 Murph: I hate this guy so much, please kill him.

0:31:44 Lou: Bless I should roll after whichever is the disadvantage, I guess? [Dice rolls] Oh god, no, come back.

0:31:52 Zac: You can just reroll it, right?

0:31:57 Lou: And 14.

0:31:59 Brennan: Oh.

0:32:00 Lou: 17.

0:32:01 Brennan: 17 hits!

0:32:02 Emily: Woo!

0:32:02 Murph: Hell yeah.

0:32:03 Emily: Light him up!

0:32:03 Murph: Kill him.

0:32:05 Lou: D8, d8, d8, there it is. Excuse me, 11? Yeah, 11.

0:32:11 Brennan: 11 damage?

0:32:11 Lou: Yeah.

0:32:12 Brennan: This guy goes,

0:32:12 Johnny: Ooh, what you wanna do in a big bad sword fight? [laughing]

0:32:19 Brennan: And you skewer him right through the head.

0:32:22 Ally: Oh!

0:32:23 Brennan: You feel crunching through the keratin of his horns. Bam, as this golden rat basket hilt.

0:32:29 Johnny: Ooh, daddy.

0:32:32 Fabian: Don't call me daddy.

0:32:34 Johnny: My last words were daddy.

0:32:36 Kristen: This should have you rethink your papa, okay?

0:32:39 Fabian: No, I'm not, I love my papa, all right?

0:32:42 Kristen: No, you can't-

0:32:43 Fabian: I love my papa, all right?

0:32:44 Brennan: He falls off, bam bam bam bam, gone.

0:32:46 Lou: Christ.

0:32:48 Brennan: Gorgug, that's gonna be you.

0:32:50 Zac: Am I in swinging distance to this guy?

0:32:53 Brennan: Yes, totally.

0:32:53 Zac: On my left?

0:32:54 Brennan: You will not get the cover provided by the car if you lean out to hit him.

0:33:00 Zac: Okay. Look, I'm gonna take a reckless attack at that guy, and I'm gonna just swing and-

0:33:07 Murph: Oh yeah, then you just get-

0:33:08 Brennan: So you're not advantage or disadvantage, you're just rolling one dice.

0:33:11 Zac: Oh, I'm not-

0:33:12 Brennan: Your advantage from reckless cancels out your disadvantage from poison.

0:33:15 Zac: Gotcha. Oh, right right.

0:33:17 Emily: Hell yeah.

0:33:19 Zac: 17.

0:33:20 Brennan: 17 hits!

0:33:22 Murph: Yes, all right, so that's a d12.

0:33:24 Brennan: 1d12 plus 5.

0:33:25 Zac: Plus 5, because I'm raging. Ooh, I hit him for 11.

0:33:32 Brennan: You see that you [grunts], whack! Into the side of him and [sprays] jacket tears, blood comes out. He goes, ah!

0:33:41 Greaser: Why you gotta crimp my style, green man?

0:33:45 Gorgug: I'm not crimping anything!

0:33:47 Brennan: Badly injured this dude. Beer Bottle is very badly injured.

0:33:54 Ally: His name's Beer Bottle?

0:33:54 Emily: Oh my god.

0:33:56 Brennan: I named them by what they're holding, Kristen. I can tell you what their names are if you're interested in what their names are.

0:34:00 Ally: I am.

0:34:02 Emily: Crowbar.

0:34:02 Siobhan: Baseball Bat?

0:34:03 Brennan: The names of the tieflings, not that you ever got-

0:34:05 Murph: I don't want to know.

0:34:05 Brennan: You don't want to know?

0:34:06 Zac: I personally, [laughs].

0:34:07 Brennan: I named them all. In case you roleplayed with them.

0:34:10 Murph: You know what, yes, I would love to know.

0:34:11 Lou: Who died first? Who was Spike Chain?

0:34:13 Brennan: Spike Chain was Tony Tenari.

0:34:15 Lou: Tony Tenari?

0:34:17 Murph: What was his home situation like?

0:34:19 Brennan: Bad. [laughing] The other people, the guy you just killed was named Billy Hellmouth, and the four others are Hot Hands O'Malley, Scorching Ray, Brutal Like a Fire and Barry Barbazu.

0:34:31 Ally: Oh my god.

0:34:31 Lou: I have words with Brutal Like a Fire.

0:34:34 Siobhan: That's like an old family name.

0:34:35 Ally: Is one of them Howling Ray?

0:34:38 Brennan: Scorching Ray.

0:34:38 Ally: Scorching Ray.

0:34:39 Brennan: His name's Raymond, but they call him Scorching Ray.

0:34:41 Ally: That's hilarious.

0:34:41 Emily: And all of their home lives were?

0:34:43 Brennan: Bad. All right, just, you know, sometimes as a DM you do work and people don't get to see it and it's fine. [laughing] That's now going to be Riz.

0:34:53 Murph: I shoot that guy with my magic gun.

0:34:56 Emily: Yeah!

0:34:57 Murph: And I'm gonna fucking hit this time, and do something, because I'm blessed. Great, 17, 23.

0:35:05 Brennan: That'll do it.

0:35:05 Murph: Great.

0:35:07 Brennan: Go ahead and roll damage.

0:35:09 Murph: And he's within five feet of this guy, right? Gorgug? For the sneak attack?

0:35:14 Brennan: Yes.

0:35:14 Murph: Dope.

0:35:14 Emily: Ooh!

0:35:16 Murph: So. 14 damage.

0:35:21 Greaser: Yo, the problem with crimping my style is [explodes].

0:35:24 Gorgug: Yeah!

0:35:26 Brennan: [laughing] Full head off the side of his body, horn, ear flies off. [laughing] That's now going to be Adaine.

0:35:37 Siobhan: I would like to cast Witch Bolt on Johnny Spells, please.

0:35:41 Brennan: Please go right ahead.

0:35:45 Siobhan: Fuck, it's a nat 1.

0:35:46 Ally: Oh.

0:35:48 Brennan: I'm gonna roll-

0:35:48 Murph: It just makes him radder. He just gets so rad.

0:35:53 Brennan: So fuckin' rad.

0:35:55 Siobhan: Oh my god, I'm so rad.

0:35:56 Brennan: It like gets caught in the wheel and it's like spinning and they're getting close and shit.

0:36:01 Brennan: I need you to roll 1d12 damage, if you'd be so kind.

0:36:03 Siobhan: Oh shit. Sorry guys. 8.

0:36:09 Brennan: Your Witch Bolt flies out of your hand, shoots into the engine of the car and [electrical zapping]. You see something break and pop and ping around in the engine of the car, and the engine starts making a very loud noise.

0:36:23 Ally: You've been a great driver so far, though. I think you can handle it.

0:36:25 Emily: Elaborate?

0:36:27 Brennan: Go ahead and make a, we'll call this just raw Intelligence check.

0:36:31 Ally: You're Blessed.

0:36:33 Emily: Oh, yeah, baby. 7 plus 4 is 11 plus, well, I get to add Jack of All Trades, so I add another one.

0:36:42 Brennan: That's true.

0:36:43 Emily: So 13.

0:36:45 Brennan: The issue is that one of the things in the engine has popped out when it shouldn't.

0:36:52 Ally: Cool.

0:36:54 Emily: Okay.

0:36:55 Ally: Me talking to any mechanic ever.

0:36:58 Adaine: I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

0:37:01 Brennan: You see it is now Fig's turn. Fig, go ahead and make that Perception check for the road coming up ahead.

0:37:04 Emily: Okay. Nat 20.

0:37:08 Brennan: Nat 20?

0:37:09 Emily: Plus 2, plus-

0:37:10 Brennan: Oh.

0:37:11 Emily: So it's actually 24.

0:37:12 Brennan: Nat 20? Your choice. Intersection, curve, or straightaway, going up onto the highway.

0:37:19 Emily: Going up onto the highway? Let's go on the highway, baby!

0:37:23 Murph: Lot of people there. [Brennan laughing]

0:37:26 Emily: I think we-

0:37:26 Siobhan: Maybe we can lose 'em. [mumbling]

0:37:28 Emily: I mean, we don't have to worry about hitting a car full of halflings.

0:37:31 Brennan: Yeah, you don't have to worry about steering either, so you can floor it if you want.

0:37:34 Emily: Yeah, we're gonna floor it onto the highway.

0:37:37 Brennan: Awesome. Now these greasers are gonna go.

0:37:43 Ally: There are how many, four of 'em?

0:37:44 Brennan: Mhmm.

0:37:44 Ally: Cool.

0:37:47 Brennan: You see that one of the guys goes,

0:37:49 Greaser: Johnny, I think it's time for this rodeo to come to a grand finale.

0:37:56 Fig: You're mixing your metaphors!

0:38:00 Brennan: You see this guy [whooshes] leaps onto the hood of the car and is gonna take a swing at you, Fig.

0:38:08 Emily: Bring it on, come on.

0:38:09 Brennan: What's your armor class?

0:38:10 Emily: 100. 12.

0:38:15 Brennan: He clocks you in the head for 8 points of damage. Bam! Over the windshield.

0:38:20 Emily: I look up with my face bleeding and I smile at him.

0:38:24 Brennan: Ooh!

0:38:25 Emily: And also I use Thaumaturgy and my eyes glow red. Although that wouldn't intimidate him, whatever. I still do it.

0:38:33 Brennan: This guy's gonna take a shot at you, Adaine. Misses terribly, and this guy's taking a shot at Fabian. Hits for 3 points of damage. That's going to be Kristen.

0:38:52 Ally: Great. Can I use my staff and shoot power up in the air to try to land onto Johnny's skull?

0:39:04 Brennan: Sure, what character ability will you be using to do that?

0:39:07 Ally: Staff and insight with my god.

0:39:14 Brennan: Insight with your god. You are welcome, if you would like, to make, you can make a staff attack, there's actually guys right at this like, tieflings right outside-

0:39:23 Ally: Interesting. Okay, yeah.

0:39:26 Brennan: Using it as it's intended, but that's, you know, up to you.

0:39:29 Ally: Yeah, which one...

0:39:32 Brennan: This guy's within range and so's this guy.

0:39:34 Ally: I'll do the not ax, the not-Baned guy yeah.

0:39:37 Brennan: Cool, this guy, where's he at? He has a little shattered beer bottle in his hand as well.

0:39:40 Ally: Oh cool, Beer Bottle, I'm going for Beer Bottle.

0:39:43 Brennan: Go ahead and make an attack roll.

0:39:45 Ally: Great. 13 plus 4, 17

0:39:49 Brennan: That's gonna hit, go ahead and roll damage.

0:39:51 Ally: Sweet. D6 plus 2. 4.

0:39:57 Brennan: Awesome.

0:39:57 Ally: Not much damage, but-

0:39:58 Brennan: Hell yeah. You crack, lean out and smack him across his forehead with your holy staff.

0:40:06 Greaser: [shouts] What's your deal, mama? Don't you wanna learn how to jive?

0:40:10 Ally: Oh my god.

0:40:11 Greaser: Wouldn't you like that?

0:40:12 Kristen: I would not like to learn how to jive.

0:40:15 Greaser: All right, sweet thing. Catch you on the dance floor.

0:40:19 Lou: I hate these people.

0:40:21 Gorgug: We killed a bunch of your friends!

0:40:24 Greaser: What?

0:40:25 Gorgug: They're dead. [somber music]

0:40:28 Greaser: I hadn't really taken a second-

0:40:29 Gorgug: Process that.

0:40:30 Greaser: I hadn't really, naw, 'cause, wow.

0:40:38 Brennan: [revving] [laughing] You guys, that's the end of this round. [rock music] You guys get up onto the highway, up onto the ramp. [whooshes] Floor it, tearing off, you guys are now going like 70, 80 miles per hour. You see that one of the greasers calls and says,

0:40:53 Greaser: Johnny, we gotta do it, man! They're gonna get away!

0:40:56 Brennan: And Johnny says,

0:40:56 Johnny: Come on, not my beautiful car!

0:41:01 Brennan: They all fall back. [whooshing] You see Johnny goes, makes an attack roll.

0:41:15 Emily: With Bane.

0:41:16 Brennan: Ooh, with Bane, thank you for the reminder. Hand goes, up, wreathed in green energy, fire, skull chatters menacingly in the smoke, [whooshing] aiming right to the engine of the car and a flash of light [whooshes] incinerates it, and it skews off to the side, [whooshes] fizzles and misses the car.

0:41:41 Emily: Whew.

0:41:46 Brennan: Fabian. Go for it.

0:41:48 Lou: With regard to attacking the man on the hood of the car, is that Acrobatics on top of it, or-

0:41:55 Brennan: Yeah, you can make an Acrobatics check to get over him onto the hood of the car, yeah.

0:42:00 Lou: No, we'll just hand crossbow him from my seat, comfortably.

0:42:05 Ally: Comfortably.

0:42:05 Murph: Sitting down.

0:42:06 Lou: Sitting down.

0:42:06 Siobhan: Such a Fabian move too.

0:42:07 Ally: He opens up like a to go coffee.

0:42:09 Emily: Legs crossed.

0:42:09 Zac: [pretending to be Fabian shooting] Aha!

0:42:10 Lou: 6 again. 7. Oh, excuse me, 13.

0:42:14 Brennan: 13. [whooshes]

0:42:16 Emily: You could add Bardic Inspiration.

0:42:18 Lou: Yeah, why not, let's do it, it's time. [rolls] 15.

0:42:21 Brennan: 15 exactly hits.

0:42:23 Emily: Yeah!

0:42:25 Brennan: So go ahead and roll damage.

0:42:26 Lou: All right.

0:42:29 Brennan: Jesus, okay. You see the guy with the bat that says Lil Slugger on the side, goes,

0:42:36 Greaser: Oh, I take the stage to, [gagging].

0:42:42 Brennan: And he's been tracheotomied by a crossbow bolt into the throat.

0:42:47 Fabian: What was that? [laughing] What were you saying? [laughing]

0:42:51 Lou: And I sit as comfortably, I'm still suffering horrible poison, but as comfortably as, [grunts].

0:42:58 Brennan: Honestly, that's how Fabian's fighting. You cannot move your body, so you just have enough strength to get this one crossbow [laughing] up into the air. That's gonna be Gorgug.

0:43:05 Ally: Fuck. This is crazy.

0:43:11 Zac: I'm gonna take another reckless attack and throw a hand ax at Johnny and not his motorcycle.

0:43:17 Brennan: Oh, go for it, yeah yeah yeah.

0:43:18 Zac: I thought of a strategy of hitting the guy. [laughing]

0:43:22 Ally: Interesting.

0:43:24 Zac: Ooh, I hit, yeah, 21.

0:43:27 Brennan: Hell yeah. Go ahead and roll damage.

0:43:30 Zac: 1d6 plus 3. Oh, plus 5. I hit him for 9.

0:43:35 Brennan: Jesus! You lean out the back of the car, [whooshes] and throwing in the other, this ax is a fuckin' blip, it's like a neutrino moving through space. [whooshes] Bam! Hits him right in the chest, [whooshes]. And you see that raw, evil infernal energy circles out of the wound.

0:43:56 Greaser: [shouts] Why can't you guys just be cool? Why'd you have to be so lame?!

0:44:01 Brennan: And screams out in pain. That's going to, he's badly injured now. Riz, it's gonna be you.

0:44:07 Murph: Okay, I am going to shoot this guy that's, or should I shoot Johnny?

0:44:15 Ally: You should shoot Johnny.

0:44:16 Murph: All right, I'll shoot Johnny.

0:44:17 Ally: 'Cause I can maybe hit the guy on the thing.

0:44:26 Murph: 21.

0:44:27 Brennan: That'll do it.

0:44:28 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:44:29 Emily: Yeah.

0:44:30 Murph: Okay. Oh wait, not a d8, a d6. 7 damage.

0:44:39 Brennan: 7 damage. He is so fucked up right now. You raise your pistol, boom! Other shoulder. He is lookin' hurt, hurt, hurt.

0:44:51 Murph: I'd like to- I have a skill called Fury of the Small where I can do my level damage to anybody who's bigger than me, so I would like to do 2 damage to him. [laughing]

0:45:02 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:45:03 Emily: Fury of the Small!

0:45:04 Ally: Fury of the Small!

0:45:05 Emily: I love it!

0:45:06 Brennan: So, you fire your thing, you hit him just like, right in the stomach. [squishes and grunts] With another bullet. Covered in blood, shoulder, shoulder, stomach, he's got fucking covered in poison. [panting]

0:45:21 Johnny: I don't wanna rumble no more! I don't wanna rumble no more!

0:45:25 Emily: Motion to rename it Fury of The Ball.

0:45:29 Lou: 100%. Motion granted.

0:45:31 Murph: No, I don't like that, I don't like that.

0:45:32 Siobhan: Motion granted.

0:45:34 Lou: Let's go ahead and pass that into law.

0:45:37 Brennan: Adaine, it's gonna be you.

0:45:39 Siobhan: I am going to use Mage Hand to throw dust in Johnny Spells's face.

0:45:48 Emily: Ooh!

0:45:50 Brennan: Yeah, [whooshes] kick up some dust. Go ahead and give me like a Sleight of Hand check.

0:45:55 Siobhan: Great. 20, not nat but 20.

0:46:00 Brennan: Full 20, cool. [whooshes] A little dust storm kicks a bunch of dust into his face. [shouts]

0:46:06 Johnny: Boys, they're concentratin' on me, why?

0:46:10 Greaser: You're the leader, Johnny!

0:46:12 Brennan: You see that, that's now gonna be Fig. Make a Perception check.

0:46:17 Emily: Okay, make a Perception check, okay. I got, a 20.

0:46:23 Brennan: Oh, full 20.

0:46:24 Emily: Not nat. [tense music]

0:46:25 Brennan: You have a limited amount of time before something bad happens with this engine.

0:46:30 Emily: Okay.

0:46:31 Brennan: There is more straightaway ahead of you, there is also some construction on an area of the ramp that goes over to a repairing ramp, so you can go straight on the highway, in which case there'd be a lot of distance with this shitty car, there is also an area off to the side that forks off, which is another straightaway, that ends with a section of construction, and you see a hay cart tilted down facing the empty chasm space and the rest of the highway over it. So in other words two elements of highway over here with a chasm in between.

0:47:08 Emily: Question. So would you say at this point like, I'm driving so slick that it's more of a Performance at this point?

0:47:14 Brennan: I would say that it's more of a Performance at this point.

0:47:16 Emily: Okay, I'd like to rip a sick U-turn, and hopefully knock this guy off and then start driving at Johnny.

0:47:25 Ally: Oh!

0:47:25 Siobhan: Sick. [Emily laughing]

0:47:28 Brennan: Sure! Yeah, sure! Yeah, 100%.

0:47:32 Murph: Drift.

0:47:32 Ally: Oh fuck.

0:47:33 Siobhan: Tokyo Drift, baby!

0:47:36 Brennan: Yeah, go ahead, I'm gonna need you to, so here's what I'm gonna say. I'm gonna need you to make a drive check now.

0:47:47 Emily: What's that?

0:47:49 Brennan: It's not a Dexterity saving throw, it's a flat Dexterity roll, and I'm gonna set, in my own mind right now, a DC for getting that guy off and a higher DC for pulling a sick u-ey and driving at Johnny Spells. Go ahead and roll.

0:48:07 Emily: Okay. I'm not gonna kill us, am I? Whatever. [laughing] Okay, I got an 11.

0:48:17 Brennan: I'm gonna need you to make a Dexterity saving throw.

0:48:20 Emily: Okay. Oh, I got a, 9.

0:48:28 Lou: Did it get worse?

0:48:29 Emily: 9.

0:48:29 Brennan: You crank the tunes, drag that clove, grab the wheel, and the car fully fishtails and flips, tumbling over the highway.

0:48:41 Fabian: The fuck! [laughing] Oh my god!

0:48:44 Adaine: I'm not wearing a seatbelt, why aren't I wearing a seatbelt!

0:48:47 Emily: Wait wait, I also, okay, yeah. I don't know what order you wanna do this, I have a bonus action that I wanted to heal her. I wanted to use Healing Word as a bonus action to-

0:48:58 Siobhan: Great.

0:48:59 Emily: So while we're in the air-

0:49:01 Brennan: As the car starts to go sideways, as you're like, this is gonna be so fuckin' sick, [screeching] oh no, [rumbling] the back end flies-

0:49:09 Emily: 10!

0:49:10 Siobhan: Okay, great.

0:49:11 Emily: At least I did something before I destroyed us.

0:49:14 Ally: Yeah.

0:49:15 Brennan: So now what I'm gonna need everybody to do-

0:49:19 Lou: Holy fuck.

0:49:21 Brennan: Is I'm gonna need everybody here-

0:49:23 Lou: Jesus Christ.

0:49:24 Brennan: To roll Dexterity saving throws. Let me know-

0:49:29 Zac: Oh, and I get advantage on Dex-

0:49:31 Brennan: But you get disadvantage 'cause you’re poisoned. So you just roll straight.

0:49:34 Zac: Got it.

0:49:36 Siobhan: 10

0:49:36 Lou: 12.

0:49:38 Emily: I got a 19.

0:49:39 Murph: Kristen Applebees is not gonna do well.

0:49:41 Ally: Negative 1.

0:49:43 Zac: I got a 7.

0:49:44 Lou: A 16.

0:49:46 Siobhan: I got a 10.

0:49:48 Murph: I got a 19.

0:49:50 Emily: I got a 19 also.

0:49:51 Brennan: Okay, hold on one second. So who got-

0:49:55 Lou: Fig, you were doing so well.

0:49:57 Emily: I thought maybe, that's why I asked him, I thought maybe it'd be a Performance check. 'Cause I'm good with that.

0:50:02 Brennan: Oh that's what you were asking.

0:50:04 Emily: Yeah.

0:50:05 Brennan: Cool.

0:50:07 Murph: It's really cool that you thought that.

0:50:08 Brennan: So here's how this is gonna work. [suspenseful music]

0:50:13 Lou: Oh my god.

0:50:16 Brennan: : It's gonna be 12...

0:50:18 Lou: Papa.

0:50:19 Siobhan: Minus 1.

0:50:20 Ally: Jesus Christ.

0:50:21 Brennan: Everyone who failed the check, didn't get a 15, takes 14 points of damage.

0:50:27 Emily: Oh my god!

0:50:29 Zac: Is mine halved or no?

0:50:30 Brennan: Yours is halved.

0:50:30 Zac: Okay.

0:50:32 Siobhan: Thank god you healed me.

0:50:34 Emily: I am so sorry, everyone.

0:50:36 Brennan: Everyone that succeeded takes 7 points of damage.

0:50:38 Lou: Oh really? Oh fantastic.

0:50:41 Ally: What about that guy on the hood?

0:50:43 Brennan: We're gonna roll for him.

0:50:43 Ally: Hell yeah.

0:50:44 Zac: He's gotta be fuckin' toast.

0:50:45 Lou: He better not do a fuckin' back flip like that other dude, rolling nat 20.

0:50:49 Brennan: The car flips, you fully crush him under the car, so he goes like,

0:50:55 Greaser: Oh, you wanna rumble? Coming up next to the plate, Scorching Ray, with a little-

0:51:05 Brennan: [vibrating and banging]. [laughing] He goes from being a full person with a life and dreams to being not even really an object but sort of like an element of the road in a fraction of a second.

0:51:17 Emily: Do his guts get on Adaine?

0:51:22 Brennan: Once again, everywhere. We're gonna-

0:51:26 Murph: He falls in the car with us as we roll.

0:51:28 Lou: Jesus Christ.

0:51:29 Brennan: People that had a successful save, go ahead and give me an Acrobatics check.

0:51:34 Lou: I hate this so much.

0:51:36 Emily: I'm way sorry, guys.

0:51:38 Brennan: It's totally okay.

0:51:39 Ally: You can use Bless with that.

0:51:41 Murph: I suck so much.

0:51:44 Lou: 16.

0:51:45 Brennan: 16? Okay.

0:51:48 Murph: 10.

0:51:49 Brennan: Hold on one second.

0:51:50 Emily: 11.

0:51:51 Murph: None of these dice are good, all of these dice are bad.

0:51:53 Emily: I thought this was an awesome idea!

0:51:54 Lou: Look, as far as I'm concerned, this is our like, run up in its asshole moment of this episode, it's just this time it didn't work.

0:52:03 Emily: I thought it was gonna be so dope.

0:52:06 Lou: Every Friday we gonna run up an asshole.

0:52:08 Brennan: Did anyone succeed? Who had an Acrobatics check, what'd you get?

0:52:10 Lou: 16.

0:52:11 Brennan: You leap fully out of the car and while you take some damage, you actually do a three-point land and skid in your sneakers right here.

0:52:20 Lou: Hell yeah.

0:52:22 Emily: At least there's that.

0:52:22 Lou: Finally. Fucking tables are impossible, but vehicles moving

0:52:29 Ally: Yeah.

0:52:30 Emily: Honestly, the car was fucked anyways.

0:52:32 Lou: Okay, sure thing, yeah yeah.

0:52:33 Emily: If you think about it guys, the car was fucked, so it was gonna do this on its own probably. If we're being honest.

0:52:39 Lou: Oh my god.

0:52:40 Zac: Specifically this?

0:52:42 Lou: Specifically this, the whole flipping and the dying and the everyone getting injured, that was gonna happen?

0:52:48 Brennan: That guy's fully dead. [dramatic music]

0:52:53 Lou: Jesus Christ.

0:52:55 Ally: Very cool.

0:52:56 Lou: This is hell.

0:53:00 Zac: It's not hell. You know nothing about hell!

0:53:03 Lou: Okay. Again with the-

0:53:05 Brennan: So this fuckin' sick move, so everyone's, you know, somewhat injured. Is anyone fully dead?

0:53:14 Ally: No.

0:53:14 Lou: No.

0:53:15 Brennan: All right.

0:53:16 Emily: Ah, thank god.

0:53:17 Lou: I'm like okay for how much-

0:53:18 Siobhan: I'm very close, but-

0:53:19 Ally: What are you at?

0:53:20 Siobhan: 2. [whistles]

0:53:22 Zac: I'm at 19.

0:53:23 Siobhan: But I also, I mean, I have my other spells, so I...

0:53:27 Brennan: That is now going to be, that's the greasers' turn.

0:53:32 Lou: Fuck this.

0:53:34 Brennan: Now we're gonna move into some tactical movement. Both these guys [whooshes] swing right past you, take two attacks. You get an attack of opportunity on the first one.

0:53:46 Lou: Me?

0:53:47 Brennan: Yes.

0:53:47 Lou: Great. 13, 12.

0:53:52 Ally: Great.

0:53:52 Murph: Nice.

0:53:53 Lou: 13. 19.

0:53:56 Brennan: You actually hit the first guy.

0:53:58 Lou: Rapier or crossbow?

0:54:00 Brennan: Rapier.

0:54:04 Zac: I forgot I had it.

0:54:05 Siobhan: You have Bardic Inspiration?

0:54:07 Zac: Wait, did I use it?

0:54:08 Siobhan: I don't think you did.

0:54:09 Lou: 13.

0:54:10 Brennan: 13 damage?

0:54:10 Lou: Mhmm.

0:54:11 Emily: Ooh!

0:54:12 Brennan: You see the first guy comes by, he's gonna take a, what's your armor class?

0:54:16 Lou: Mine's 18.

0:54:17 Emily: God, that's so cool, to be that strong?

0:54:19 Brennan: He swings at you and deals you, hold on one second,  he deals you six points of damage.

0:54:27 Lou: All right.

0:54:28 Brennan: He goes [grunts] and slaps you with the beer bottle. On his way past you, as he's in the arc of swinging, you go right up under his shoulder, pierce all the way to the shoulder, pop up so he can see the blade coming out of his own body, through the eye into his brain, and out with a flourish of blood that [whooshes] whips across. [banging]

0:54:49 Lou: That's the one who poisoned me, right?

0:54:54 Fabian: [laughing] I showed you, Beer Bottle. [laughing] I did.

0:54:58 Kristen: You sound just like him.

0:54:59 Fabian: No I don't, all right. I don't say daddy, I say papa.

0:55:04 Brennan: Next one's gonna take a swing at you, and misses. [whooshes]

0:55:07 Fabian: Ha ha!

0:55:08 Brennan: Races past. That's going to be, Kristen, that's your turn.

0:55:11 Ally: Okay, great. Am I at a place where I can attack?

0:55:15 Brennan: Go ahead and make, [sighs] how do you adjudicate crawling out of a flipped car on the side of a highway? What roll is that? I'm gonna say go ahead and you can either attempt to make a like, make an Athletics or Acrobatics check to get out of here. I'll let you do it with advantage if you take some damage. So in other words, you can either just give it a roll, do Athletics or Acrobatics to get out, or you can allow yourself to sustain some injuries and you just like muscle and push your way out.

0:55:50 Ally: Hmm. I think, this is just to have me like stand up, right?

0:55:55 Brennan: Yeah, 'cause you're in the flipped vehicle, basically, trying to like, crawl out from under it.

0:56:01 Ally: Okay. Well I don't want to attack, I think I want to do a spell instead, but I do want to get out of that car, so, okay, cool.

0:56:12 Brennan: Cool, so that's a-

0:56:14 Zac: 12 plus whatever your-

0:56:16 Brennan: 12 plus whatever your Strength is.

0:56:18 Ally: Oh cool, so that's 14.

0:56:19 Brennan: 14, okay. That makes sense. You take 6 points of damage.

0:56:25 Emily: How you doing?

0:56:26 Ally: 4.

0:56:27 Emily: Oh.

0:56:27 Brennan: 'Cause you're like very clumsy, the car is like collapsed, you're pushed up against the guard rail, so you just [grunting] you can feel your kind of skin tearing against the metal of the guard rail as you push yourself out, and you are no longer prone, you are standing out from under the car, and you can take your action.

0:56:45 Ally: Okay, I have Cure Wounds and Healing Word. Healing Word is a bonus action, so can I do both of those?

0:56:52 Brennan: You can do both of those, you also have your Preserve Life ability, just to remind you, which only works if people are below half.

0:56:58 Ally: Oh, cool.

0:57:00 Brennan: But it's 10 hit points spread around.

0:57:01 Ally: Oh, I'll do that, yeah, heck yeah.

0:57:03 Brennan: So I don't know if anyone's super critically low. But you can do that, or if there's one person you definitely want to give more points to, you can do that as well.

0:57:12 Murph: Could you do Healing Word and that?

0:57:13 Brennan: You could do Healing Word and that, yeah.

0:57:15 Siobhan: Why don't you do Healing Word on me and then-

0:57:17 Murph: 'Cause it's a bonus action.

0:57:19 Ally: Oh yeah, yeah.

0:57:20 Brennan: Oh, but you can't do two spells in the same round with bonus action.

0:57:22 Murph: Is Preserve Life a spell?

0:57:23 Brennan: No, it's not, that's an ability, that's right.

0:57:25 Ally: : Hell yeah.

0:57:26 Emily: It's just channeling your divinity.

0:57:27 Brennan: This game's got a lot of rules. [laughing] Let's go ahead, so yeah, you use Healing Word, so how many hit points is that?

0:57:34 Ally: I don't know.

0:57:36 Murph: 1d4 plus your ability modifier. So this guy.

0:57:40 Brennan: So go ahead and roll that little pyramid thing.

0:57:42 Ally: So this only? Okay cool.

0:57:47 Murph: Oh my goodness, look at this one. That's gone, that's gone forever.

0:57:51 Lou: What the fuck just happened?

0:57:53 Ally: I'm sweaty, I wore a sweater.

0:58:02 Murph: Okay, 1 plus-

0:58:03 Emily: 1 plus 6, right?

0:58:05 Murph: Yeah, 1 plus 6.

0:58:05 Brennan: 7 heal to you, Fabian. And you just split that 10 up between you and Siobhan any way you want.

0:58:11 Ally: Great, 5 and 5.

0:58:11 Lou: What did I get? I got 7?

0:58:13 Zac: I can't wait to watch that again.

0:58:17 Brennan: That's preserved forever. That's forever. [whooshes] Healing energy spreads from you. Oh, I think you actually, you have a feature called that actually adds some extra to your healing spells, unless I'm much mistaken, right?

0:58:31 Ally: Sweet.

0:58:32 Brennan: Does Disciple of Life say-? It's 3, right?

0:58:34 Emily: Disciple of Life, I think it adds your level to it?

0:58:36 Lou: Yeah. Spell level plus 2?

0:58:38 Emily: Oh, it's the spell level.

0:58:39 Brennan: Spell level plus 2. So that's 1 plus 2, so add another 3 on there.

0:58:42 Ally: Cool.

0:58:43 Brennan: You're great at healing people. That's going to be-

0:58:46 Emily: Dang, Kristen Applebees.

0:58:47 Brennan: The next round. Johnny is gonna throw an el-

0:58:53 Emily: No more driving throws. [laughing] although we might wanna run away from this car 'cause it's probably gonna explode.

0:59:00 Murph: You're still sitting in the driver seat just moving the wheel.

0:59:04 Ally: Yeah, we should probably get away from this car.

0:59:05 Brennan: Johnny roars past you on the highway, [whooshes], throws an Eldritch Blast your way, [whooshes], that you effortlessly dodge from.

0:59:13 Fabian: Ha ha.

0:59:16 Brennan: That's now going to be Fabian, it's your turn.

0:59:20 Lou: Johnny Spells looks pretty fucked up?

0:59:23 Brennan: Yes, he does.

0:59:25 Lou: All right, I'm gonna use Action Surge to fire my crossbow twice at Johnny Spells.

0:59:35 Brennan: So I assume you move out to the middle of the highway?

0:59:38 Lou: I stand dead center of the highway trying to like, watching his motorcycle move, poisoned as fuck.

0:59:47 Brennan: So sick.

0:59:48 Emily: Use your Bless.

0:59:49 Lou: 13.

0:59:51 Zac: Oh, that's-

0:59:51 Lou: Critical failure. On the first one.

0:59:54 Brennan: Okay, critical failure, disadvantage. Cool. So the first attack, ping! You see that you're, let me actually make a roll here. Cool, you're good, roll again.

1:00:07 Lou: Great. 9, and 6. God, 6. 6, 8, 14.

1:00:17 Brennan: 14 hits.

1:00:18 Lou: Yeah!

1:00:19 Lou: 14. Yeah. 9.

1:00:25 Brennan: You, skidding under the shadow of the car flipping overhead, landing, sliding to a stop, rapier out, skewer the first tiefling that roars past you, another one comes, takes a swing, you dodge, dodge another Eldritch Blast, and like a spinning cap with a back flip, and you step out, dead center, you can see headlights in the distance of vehicles approaching, Johnny roaring down the highway, you take out your hand crossbow, [whooshes] complete miss, fumble. Another arrow. That's my boy. [whooshes] [grunts] Whack, Johnny's over the handlebars, [banging], fuckin' road rash, smeared across a section of interstate, Johnny Spells is dead. [cheering and clapping]

1:01:16 Siobhan: Fuck you, Johnny Spells.

1:01:17 Ally: Yeah.

1:01:18 Emily: So do we only have one guy left?

1:01:20 Ally: And would he even attack with his like, leader gone?

1:01:23 Emily: I think we get him.

1:01:26 Lou: Let's hold him down.

1:01:27 Ally: I have a taste for blood.

1:01:28 Zac: Am I, do I have to like sneak out of this car or anything?

1:01:33 Brennan: Yes, you can make an Athletics or Acrobatics to get out of there, you're still raging so you have advantage on Strength checks, if you want.

1:01:38 Zac: I'm just gonna do the Strength check. So how much Strength do I add?

1:01:42 Brennan: You just add your normal Strength modifier.

1:01:46 Zac: Oh, okay. So I'll do, it's just a Strength check?

1:01:48 Brennan: Just a Strength check, yeah.

1:01:50 Zac: All right.

1:01:53 Brennan: Oh, that should do it, yeah. You crawl out of here, you are out from under the vehicle.

1:02:00 Zac: I'd love to just take a reckless attack at this last guy.

1:02:04 Brennan: Cool. Let's just make sure your motion is good. Bada boom, dude. Give me an Athletics check just to get over the car, and again, you have-

1:02:17 Zac: I got 19.

1:02:18 Ally: Hell yeah.

1:02:19 Brennan: [laughing] Oh, go ahead, make your reckless attack, dude.

1:02:22 Zac: Okay, so. But I'm still poisoned, right?

1:02:28 Brennan: You are still poisoned.

1:02:29 Zac: So that's the only attack I get. All right, so I hit it for a 12.

1:02:33 Emily: Have you used your Bardic Inspiration yet?

1:02:34 Zac: Oh, and then Bardic Inspiration, thank you.

1:02:37 Ally: Hell yeah.

1:02:38 Zac: And that's which?

1:02:39 Murph: D6.

1:02:43 Zac: [sighs] 2. [laughing] So that would, 14.

1:02:44 Brennan: 14 hits.

1:02:45 Emily: Yeah!

1:02:45 Brennan: Nice!

1:02:46 Murph: Wow.

1:02:49 Zac: And then that's a d, yeah, a d12. I hit him for, uh, 10, cause I’m raging.

1:03:02 Brennan: You crawl out from under this thing, covered again in like blood and fire, leap the guard rail, grab the overturned car, flip off of it, this guy's roaring past you, [shouts] Wham! His fuckin' whole motorcycle sandwiches in on itself, Boom! Into the asphalt, this greaser is no fucking more.

1:03:29 Emily: Oh!

1:03:30 Ally: Hell yeah.

1:03:32 Fig: Do you wanna sing now, Gorgug?

1:03:35 Siobhan: I scream,

1:03:35 Adaine: Somebody get me outta this car!

1:03:39 Lou: Can we help our friend out of the car?

1:03:41 Brennan: Yes, yes, absolutely.

1:03:43 Emily: Okay, are we out of combat?

1:03:44 Brennan: You are fully out of combat. [cool music]

1:03:45 Fig: Okay, everyone run away from the car, it's definitely gonna explode.

1:03:48 Adaine: Get me outta the car!

1:03:49 Fig: Let's pull her out.

1:03:51 Riz: Let's pull her out.

1:03:52 Lou: Yeah.

1:03:53 Murph: Does anybody with actual Strength and not a negative 2 in Strength wanna pull somebody out?

1:03:55 Zac: I'll go over there and pull out Adaine.

1:03:59 Murph: I wanna run to Johnny Spells's body.

1:04:01 Lou: And I'll help with Fig, I'll help get Fig out of the car.

1:04:02 Ally: I’ll run with you.

1:04:03 Brennan: Cool. You guys start pulling your friends out of the car. I'm gonna make a roll real quick. Car does not explode.

1:04:12 Lou: Oh my god. I hate that that's something you had to roll. [laughing] The car does not explode.

1:04:20 Brennan: Cool. You pull your friends out from the vehicle. Riz, you're running down the highway.

1:04:25 Murph: To Johnny Spells's body.

1:04:26 Ally: And I'm with him.

1:04:27 Brennan: Cool.

1:04:28 Emily: Yeah, I wanna go to that.

1:04:29 Brennan: Cool. You guys all run down from the flipped car to Johnny Spells. Yeah, covered in poison burns, a hand ax wound, bullet hole, and a crossbow bolt in the back of the head. You see that he is laid out on the highway, partially just torn apart by the velocity of falling off the bike. But you see that the way he has landed on the highway, he's actually doing this. Johnny Spells is posing like one of your French girls. He’s laid out sexily on his side with one hand propping up his head. [guitar riff plays]

1:04:56 Emily: So sexy.

1:04:58 Lou: Even in death, even in death, terrible.

1:04:59 Murph: You're telling me this guy doesn't fuck?

1:05:01 Emily: No, Penelope's telling you.

1:05:03 Lou: Penelope says he does not fuck, all right?

1:05:05 Zac: This is incredible.

1:05:06 Emily: Well, now we're never gonna find out why he doesn't fuck.

1:05:07 Lou: Fuck, why did I kill this man!

1:05:08 Murph: Well maybe, perhaps we can find out, I wanna search his body for-

1:05:09 Emily: A penis?

1:05:10 Murph: -like clues, I wanna see if there's anything-

1:05:14 Zac: Any sort of clues of why he's fucking-

1:05:16 Murph: In this world we don't have phones, we have like crystal things or something?

1:05:19 Brennan: Yes, you have little crystals, yeah.

1:05:20 Murph: I wanna see if I can find his crystal or any clues to any of the girls, the girl he was dating or anything.

1:05:27 Brennan: Make an Investigate check, if you'd be so kind.

1:05:29 Murph: Great.

1:05:30 Emily: Oh my god, and we have his body, so if the crystals need like a thumbprint or something.

1:05:34 Murph: Yeah, man. [laughing] I can't believe how bad I rolled, but I got a 15 overall.

1:05:41 Emily: Don't you have Bless, though?

1:05:43 Murph: I have Bless, I rolled a one on Bless and I rolled an 8 with my roll, but I have a plus 6.

1:05:46 Lou: Can we all investigate?

1:05:47 Brennan: Your guys, also your poison condition fades away.

1:05:51 Zac: Do I come out of rage?

1:05:52 Brennan: You come out of rage, yes.

1:05:54 Zac: I just start crying immediately. [laughing] Like when a little kid's too mad and they-

1:05:59 Emily: Is there something where I can-

1:06:00 Murph: You got any more of that inspiration?

1:06:01 Emily: Yeah, I was gonna, do you want Bardic Inspiration? I have one left.

1:06:05 Murph: I would love it.

1:06:06 Emily: Okay, so I'll give you some Bardic Inspiration, but then also, is this a time that I can do my song of rest?

1:06:11 Brennan: Yeah, absolutely, go for it.

1:06:12 Emily: Okay, I'm gonna play a sick Song of Rest. It's gonna be [singing Longview by Green Day] [singing] I sit around and watch the tube but nothing's on.

1:06:27 Ally: It's so good, 'cause we can't tell what it is.

1:06:29 Lou: Yes, what is this?

1:06:32 Ally: Jazz? You play jazz?

1:06:34 Murph: Can I add inspiration?

1:06:36 Brennan: Yeah, go for it.

1:06:37 Murph: Okay. 2, 17.

1:06:41 Zac: Getting 'em out of the way.

1:06:42 Emily: Oh, so Song of Rest is if anyone uses any hit dice, you get to add a d6 to it. That's why I played that song. I wasn't just doing it for no reason.

1:06:49 Fabian: I mean, it was fine. If you were just doing it for no reason in celebration, that's fine.

1:06:53 Adaine: I've only ever listened to classical music before, so it was very interesting for me.

1:06:56 Riz: Guys, we killed people, we killed a man, he's here.

1:06:58 Kristen: [singing Longview by Green Day]

1:07:01 Riz: We're also not 100% sure he's a bad guy. We saw them in a dance studio, we stole his car-

1:07:06 Fabian: Yeah, we did murder this man without, we had a lot of questions.

1:07:10 Gorgug: I'm pretty sure he's a bad guy.

1:07:11 Fabian: He did bleed pure evil when you axed him.

1:07:16 FIg: We totally gotta go break into the dance studio.

1:07:19 Kristen: Yes, we killed them all, now we can go back there.

1:07:21 Siobhan: Why are we breaking into so many things?

1:07:24 Kristen: 'Cause it's adventure.

1:07:25 Fig: Yeah.

1:07:28 Lou: What shape is his motorcycle in?

1:07:31 Zac: Is it still alive?

1:07:32 Brennan: Go ahead and make an Investigate check.

1:07:34 Lou: Hell yes.

1:07:35 Murph: Can you speak demon?

1:07:37 Emily: Infernal, no, but-

1:07:37 Siobhan: I speak Infernal.

1:07:40 Emily: I can speak it a little bit.

1:07:42 Lou: 7. Oh, 7 plus Bless. Oh, 11.

1:07:47 Brennan: You look at it, you see it is humming with like a… [vibrating]

1:07:52 Lou: Ooh, can I go get on it?

1:07:56 Brennan: You take the dead man's motorcycle. You ride it. And it hums with like a warm, resonant feeling.

1:08:06 Riz: That's like an animal, man. I don't know if you wanna ride that.

1:08:10 Lou: Can I do some very like, baby practice in a parking lot, like circles?

1:08:14 Brennan: Go ahead and make an Animal Handling check for me.

1:08:17 Lou: Ooh, I'm very bad at that.

1:08:19 Emily: Oh my god, it's like a demonic animal?

1:08:23 Lou: 8. So 20, 19.

1:08:25 Brennan: 19, you hear a voice whispering in your head saying,

1:08:31 Bike: I have walked through endless nights, strolled through midnight forests, the aching worlds of eternity beyond dimensions of madness have been my dwelling place. Who now strides my custom leather seat?

1:08:50 Fabian: My name is Fabian Aramais Seacaster, son of Bill Seacaster. I have finished off your former master and now you belong to me.

1:09:02 Emily: Ooh!

1:09:04 Bike: Ooh, Daddy.

1:09:09 Lou: Yes!

1:09:13 Brennan: Write “motorcycle” in your inventory, dude!

1:09:16 Lou: Yes!

1:09:17 Ally: Oh god.

1:09:18 Emily: You have a demonic entity, does it speak Infernal? Can it teach me Infernal?

1:09:23 Brennan: If you wanna go speak to it, yeah.

1:09:25 Emily: I'm just gonna, I probably know like, because I've been trying to learn Infernal ever since I found out I'm a tiefling. So I'm just gonna use, like, the couple of words I know.

1:09:33 Fig: Hi, how are you?

1:09:37 Bike: Young maiden of the Nine Hells. Do you come to court my master? Master, let her get on the back. The back, let her get on the back!

1:09:50 Fabian: Do you, oh, sorry.

1:09:52 Bike: You should put her hands around your chest. It'll make her have to feel you-

1:09:57 Fabian: Oh, shut up, bike, shut up, bike, shut up!

1:09:59 Gorgug: How are we getting home?

1:10:00 Adaine: I would also like to know that.

1:10:01 Gorgug: How are we getting home?

1:10:02 Kristen: Are you getting dating advice from that bike that you're on?

1:10:04 Riz: What’s up with this guy? What’s on his body?

1:10:05 Fig: Yeah, that's true, yeah.

1:10:07 Brennan: Cool, hold on one-

1:10:08 Fabian: Yeah, I got sidetracked. I took a dead man’s bike.

1:10:11 Kristen: That bike is just reading The Game to you.

1:10:16 Riz: It's a very obvious bike. Like people know this is Johnny Spells' bike, right? It's the only living bike in town?

1:10:23 Fig: Oh yeah, you should probably keep this in your garage for a while. Maybe under a tarp.

1:10:30 Adaine: Can you cast Disguise on it?

1:10:30 Fig: I think Disguise Self only works on myself.

1:10:33 Fabian: I'll just pay to get it, we'll get a new paint job.

1:10:35 Riz: Yeah, give it a new paint job, for sure do that, for sure do that.

1:10:38 Fabian: I mean, the skull has to stay, but this is my motorcycle.

1:10:40 Fig: But you could put like a little hat on it, like a pirate's hat on the skull.

1:10:43 Fabian: Oh yes! I love that. I absolutely love that.

1:10:46 Adaine: Skull and crossbones, baby. Fabian Yes.

1:10:49 Kristen: We just add crossbones to the skull. Oh, that's genius.

1:10:53 Brennan: You find in his belongings a number of things that you'd only assume are like, fiendish sort of like, warlock accoutrement.

1:11:01 Emily: Ooh, tell me.

1:11:03 Siobhan: Is my Detect Magic spell still working?

1:11:04 Brennan: Yes, it is still working.

1:11:05 Siobhan: Do I see anything?

1:11:07 Brennan: Yeah, you see that there is a little object that appears to be his like phylactery or the source of his like, warlock's connection to whatever fiendish overlord he has.

1:11:16 Emily: Wait a second, he was a warlock? I thought he was a bard.

1:11:21 Siobhan: That's fucked up.

1:11:22 Emily: I put my hands on his chest and say,

1:11:22 Fig: [shaking Johnny’s body] What were you?!

1:11:27 Riz: So we should take that thing so you can talk to it maybe.

1:11:29 Brennan: The phylactery is this beautiful like, dark mahogany and silver and ivory little sort of three-part, there's like a little thing with a small button on the end, looks like a switchblade.

1:11:40 Adaine: I think this is bad.

1:11:42 Fig: I'll take it. It's infernal, I'm fiendish, that's like me.

1:11:44 Adaine: No, I don't think it's good.

1:11:47 Riz: I think we should take, it might have information.

1:11:48 Fabian: Yeah, let's give it to the police or Goldenhoard or somebody.

1:11:51 Riz: We're not going to the police, we murdered these people.

1:11:52 Adaine: No, no, no, no, I just need 10 minutes with it and I can cast Identify on it, but I need 10 minutes and I don't think that we should hang around at a crime scene on the highway.

1:12:02 Brennan: The other things you find are, you find a crystal, but the crystal that he has is in a casing fresh from the store and it's like a cheap crystal.

1:12:13 Ally: It's a burner.

1:12:13 Emily: Burner, burner crystal!

1:12:14 Zac: Or he's flipping it with the crystal he has.

1:12:17 Murph: I'll take it anyway.

1:12:18 Brennan: He also has a little black book.

1:12:23 Siobhan: Sex book!

1:12:24 Zac: But he doesn't fuck!

1:12:24 Emily: He doesn't fuck!

1:12:28 Ally: Coulda had sex with her. Coulda had sex with her.

1:12:30 Emily: But didn't-

1:12:30 Ally: Coulda had sex with him.

1:12:34 Brennan: He also, in the little black book, you see there's also a little like day planner he has there in paper, there is a monthly meeting that he has on the last Friday of every month that is just called Tea Time.

1:12:56 Emily: Oh my god. Wait, I need to steal some of their clothing. Do they have any jackets that have like, a crest on them or anything like that? Anything that looks like it would be gang accoutrement?

1:13:05 Brennan: You can steal a leather jacket, yeah.

1:13:07 Emily: Okay.

1:13:08 Zac: I wanna take a leather jacket too.

1:13:09 Emily: Because I can infiltrate that, I'm a tiefling and if I wear gang colors.

1:13:14 Brennan: So there's Tea Time.

1:13:16 Zac: I'm gonna take a leather jacket.

1:13:19 Emily: What was this crew called? Or like what would I call this leather jacket?

1:13:23 Brennan: I don't think you guys ever found out, they don't have their names anywhere.

1:13:25 Emily: Okay.

1:13:25 Siobhan: Dance squad?

1:13:26 Emily: Okay, cool.

1:13:30 Brennan: So. You look, he has the crystal in a casting, he has the little black book, you see that it has Sam Nightingale's name in there and it also has Penny Luckstone's.

1:13:42 Murph: I throw up.

1:13:45 Kristen: No, Riz!

1:13:46 Fabian: Oh, please.

1:13:47 Kristen: That was on my backpack.

1:13:48 Riz: I found clues, when I hear clues, I throw up, because I'm excited. Not a bad vomit, it's a good vomit.

1:13:55 Fabian: The Ball, you have to work this out, all right? You can't keep, you'll ruin, if we-

1:13:59 Fig: I love addressing him as The Ball, seriously.

1:14:02 Fabian: He's The Ball.

1:14:03 Murph: I climb into Fabian's backpack and continue to read the book.

1:14:04 Fabian: Get out, okay!

1:14:07 Riz: I need a minute.

1:14:08 Murph: I have a little flashlight in my mouth.

1:14:10 Brennan: The things you find in Johnny Spells, on his person. The crystal in a case, the little black book that has Sam Nightingale's number, it has Penny Luckstone's number.

1:14:21 Emily: Whoa. Wait a second, we could text them from an unidentified number and-

1:14:26 Ally: His crystal.

1:14:28 Emily: Well, his crystal he said is a burner, but yeah, we could text them from his-

1:14:31 Murph: Yeah, we should take his burner.

1:14:31 Emily: We should maybe text Penelope or something like that.

1:14:33 Brennan: And then in the part of the little black book that is like a day planner part, you see that once a month thing, Tea Time.

1:14:38 Emily: Cool.

1:14:39 Zac: Feel like this crystal is, 'cause the crystal that they took was scratched off so that people couldn't track it.

1:14:47 Siobhan: Yeah, the palimpsest.

1:14:48 Zac: So they're gonna replace it with the crystal that he has.

1:14:50 Murph: Should we take this stuff and get off the highway?

1:14:51 Brennan: You guys see that a little car pulls up, a little car, the headlights that you saw in the distance pull up and you guys see a little family of halflings with ice cream cones.

1:15:01 Ally: They made it.

1:15:03 Riz: Turn it around, turn it, tell the kids to turn around!

1:15:04 Brennan: You see the guy rolls down the window and he goes,

1:15:05 Bud: Well, do you guys need a ride into town? What's going on?

1:15:10 Fig: Yeah, can we swing by the ice cream place again? I think your kids would like more ice cream!

1:15:15 Brennan: You see he looks at you and looks back at his kids and goes,

1:15:18 Bud: Double ice cream? Anything for you kids!

1:15:22 Brennan: And he rustles one of his kids.

1:15:24 Bud: We're going ice cream again! Eat your ice cream fast!

1:15:26 Brennan: You see these kids just start horking down ice cream as fast as they can.

1:15:30 Lou: I ride on my motorcycle.

1:15:32 Ally: Yeah.

1:15:33 Brennan: He’s like,

1:15:33 Bud: You gonna put a helmet on?

1:15:35 Fabian: I will, I just have to go buy one. I promise I will.

1:15:38 Bud: We gotta, yeah, 'cause there's nothing funny about not being safe.

1:15:42 Fabian: No, of course. But I-

1:15:44 Bud: We almost got hit by a biker earlier, no, we did get hit,

1:15:45 Brennan: He shows the dent over by, he says-

1:15:48 Riz: You still got ice cream?

1:15:49 Fabian: Oh really?

1:15:50 Bud: We had, there was a crazy, there was a car driving right past, there's a bunch of bikers, and this one guy, he just plowed right into the middle of the car and almost ruined the ice cream trip.

1:16:01 Kristen: And let me guess, did he flip and land on the back of another car?

1:16:05 Bud: What? He did exactly that, he flipped all the way through the air-

1:16:09 Kristen: That's been happening around here lately.

1:16:10 Fabian: We've been hearing stories about that.

1:16:13 Bud: You know what it is, it's that these kids are doing drugs.

1:16:15 Lou: Yep.

1:16:17 Riz: That's what I think.

1:16:18 Fabian: That's why we all went to go get ice cream.

1:16:19 Adaine: We're very safe.

1:16:20 Riz: Me and Fabian on the bike!

1:16:22 Adaine: Real clean cut. Siobhan I quickly mend all of our clothes to make us look cleaner.

1:16:26 Brennan: The bike says,

1:16:26 Bike: No, no, not The Ball, get the girl, get the tiefling.

1:16:32 Fabian: I'm glad you recognize The Ball, that feels good.

1:16:35 Bike: I hate this Ball.

1:16:36 Murph: I give my card to the motorcycle.

1:16:40 Brennan: [whooshes] Flames. [whooshing]

1:16:43 Fabian: Please don't solicit my bicycle.

1:16:45 Riz: Ah, greetings and salutations, my bike friend.

1:16:48 Bike: Master, together, we will conquer this world of mortals and send their souls to hell!

1:16:56 Fabian: Yes, yes, in due time, bike. Now, to the ice cream shop.

1:17:00 Brennan: Guys, that's all the time we have for Fantasy High this week, come back next week for another exciting installment of our adventure, where we see just how much ice cream these guys can eat. Later!

1:17:09 Emily: It's a lot.

1:17:10 Lou: It's a lot of ice cream.

1:17:12 Siobhan: So much ice cream. [NEXT EPISODE - Episode 5: The Pixie and the Palimpsest] [NEXT TIME ON FANTASY HIGH]

1:17:12 Adaine: [holding palimpsest] Trapped inside it is a girl.

1:17:15 Fabian: What?

1:17:16 Biz: Oh my god. How did you guys get this? What did you guys do?

1:17:20 Fig: We don't know how high up the chain it goes.

1:17:21 Fabian: What are we doing?!

1:17:22 Kristen: Fuck!

1:17:23 Brennan: There's a lot of danger here.

1:17:24 Siobhan: I'm very, very scared, but I don't want to show it.

1:17:28 Bill: If they ever cross you, you cross 'em first, you hear me?

1:17:31 Fabian: What the fuck are you doing, The Ball? [laughing] [crunching] [howling]

1:17:31 Captions extracted by: gluegunshots

1:17:31 Edited by: dndstan, gluegunshots