Lowell Masters

Lowell Masters is a patient whose card reads "Problem Patient" UC E1·01:21:35, an older, balding neighborhood guy with a thick mustache, whom Kingston is sent to see UC E1·01:21:24. He says he found what looked like a bronze statue of a falcon in the subway, varnished it to pawn it, and then fell off a stepladder and the statue went up his butt UC E1·01:21:47 UC E1·01:22:34. Kingston says it is the fourth time he has come in with something in his butt, and Lowell agrees UC E1·01:22:47 UC E1·01:22:59. He says money is no object because he sells the artifacts afterwards, then corrects himself: "I clean 'em" UC E1·01:24:27 UC E1·01:24:17.

Lowell is the patient who keeps coming to the hospital with artifacts he found stuck inside him, and Kingston remembers him when the party wonders about Kugrash's crown UC E1·01:22:47 UC E5·00:02:18 UC E5·00:02:33. Later Kingston calls him and says "the city is in danger" UC E13·01:10:53, and Lowell answers "I've been waiting for this moment my whole life" UC E13·01:11:01. He lives in Washington Heights, where he makes the party tea and says the past month has been the best of his life thanks to Kingston UC E13·01:10:36 UC E13·01:12:59.

He says that after Kingston's talk he found he is more magical than he thought and can identify magical objects, which Kingston calls casting Identify with his rectum UC E13·01:15:29 UC E13·01:16:14. He takes Kugrash's crown, saying he needs about a day and a half UC E13·01:15:52 UC E13·01:15:54, but Kugrash says he will keep the crown for now UC E13·01:18:36. He says the bronze bird is the Sardinian Eagle and that he already sold it to an elemental named Buddy UC E13·01:15:22 UC E13·01:16:49.