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Player characters · first: MAM E1

Evan Kelmp

Evan Kelmp, played by Brennan Lee Mulligan, is a teenager who says he is walking down the road and sleeping in an unused bunk at Camp Lonefield MAM E1·00:41:43. He wears a white T-shirt and khakis far too long for his legs with brandless chunky sneakers MAM E1·00:42:34. Brennan says Evan sleeps in unused camp bunks in Millersburg, Iowa MAM E1·00:53:41. He has a plastic gas-station phone with no screen MAM E1·00:52:21, and his only saved numbers are 911, poison control and animal control MAM E1·01:28:28. He signs the waiver himself with an asterisk note, calling himself a legal minor and a legal adult within a few months MAM E1·00:52:44.

Evan arrives at Gowpenny as one of four American pilot-program students and tells the Headmistress that he would prefer to be non-magical MAM E1·01:14:37. He says he has lost many families and places to stay because he is dangerous to be around MAM E1·02:22:33. After Digsby says "There's lots of evil wizards in the world" MAM E1·02:24:57, Evan bends space to throw him onto a rock in the middle of the sea MAM E1·02:26:29. A voice in the crowd says "Dark One? Interesting" MAM E1·02:27:30. In the second episode he hopes to avoid the scorpion house and is relieved to land in Chimeron with his friends MAM E2·00:25:17. Impaled, he produces a blood cobra and says "Don't touch my blood!" MAM E2·01:16:29.

In the third episode he rescues Penfrew with his bare hands, burning every adversity token MAM E3·00:17:30 MAM E3·00:18:24. At the infirmary, Nurse David Stitchnit offers him an outpatient exorcism and he cries, asking for a Coke MAM E3·00:45:30. He says his friends are the best he has ever had, and then asks for the treatment, saying it is just not worth it MAM E3·00:52:24 MAM E3·00:53:10. During the scuppers game he knocks Digsby Cooper and Fergus Ponst off their brooms MAM E3·01:28:27. Voices tell him something terrible is coming and he yields to them MAM E3·01:33:16 MAM E3·01:34:29. They take him over in the common room, and Dream and his friends pull him free; he says he has tried to do that for 17 and a half years MAM E3·01:53:07 MAM E3·02:04:31. He kisses Dream back MAM E3·02:06:35.

In the finale he tells his friends that the procedure would make him "a Muggle" MAM E4·00:07:03. He says he is done running from his shadow and, saying he is a wizard, orders it to go to a Planet Fitness and fetch free weights for Jammer MAM E4·00:27:17. He then tells the Headmistress he has changed his mind and is okay being magic MAM E4·00:32:41. In his duel he warns a Rosemont student that the next two minutes will be important for him MAM E4·01:52:07, and the student later snaps his own wand and walks away MAM E4·01:58:01. Evan throws his phone at the dragon MAM E4·02:12:49 and joins Dream's hand for the wand strike MAM E4·02:39:07. In his epilogue he is the happiest he has ever been and uploads library PDFs to a database for when magic is revealed to the world MAM E4·02:49:39.

Character sheet — Misfits and Magic

Misfits and Magic sheet of Evan Kelmp (played by Brennan Lee Mulligan). Only what is said in play or shown on the on-screen stat cards; dotted values are derived from spoken rolls. Values shown are the latest up to your chosen episode.

Archetype
Haunted Survivor MAM E2·01:08:40 MAM E3·00:05:31 MAM E3·01:36:38 MAM E4·00:02:40—
Fight
d20 MAM E2·01:08:40 MAM E3·00:05:31 MAM E3·01:36:38 MAM E4·00:02:40—
Flight
d8 MAM E2·01:08:40 MAM E3·00:05:31 MAM E3·01:36:38 MAM E4·00:02:40—
Brains
d12 MAM E2·01:08:40 MAM E3·00:05:31 MAM E3·01:36:38 MAM E4·00:02:40—
Brawn
d6 MAM E2·01:08:40 MAM E3·00:05:31 MAM E3·01:36:38 MAM E4·00:02:40—
Charm
d4 MAM E1·00:46:28—
Grit
d10 MAM E1·00:53:41—
Magic die
d4 MAM E1·00:02:12—
Wand
Dogwood, Parchment Core MAM E3·01:36:38 MAM E4·00:02:40—

Features

Spells

Items

By episode

MAM E1: The Chosen Ones |

  • Over six feet, white T-shirt, long khakis, brandless sneakers, waterproof Casio, grocery bag of clothes; sleeps in unused cots at Camp Lonefield in Millersburg, Iowa; walks the highway — 00:41:43–00:42:52
  • Plastic gas-station phone with no screen, saved numbers "911, poison control, and animal control" — 00:52:21, 01:28:28
  • Owl behaves strangely around him; its eyes go black; it spits black ichor; Aabria narrates that it is then snatched out of the air and something laughs menacingly, which Evan does not hear — 00:48:29–00:50:06
  • Signs the waiver himself with an asterisk note; "legal minor, legal adult within a few months" — 00:52:44
  • Swallows the owl pellet — 00:53:19. Grit roll DC 5: "that's half the die" — 00:53:41
  • Tells Philtrum he would prefer to be non-magical: "I would prefer to be non-magical." — 01:14:37; "I've suspected it's been real for a long, long time." — 01:14:22
  • In the broom shop buys a janitorial push broom for three copper pieces — 01:47:29–01:47:40
  • Shouts about a pig's head: "One time a pig's head in the butcher shop told me that God and the devil killed each other." — 01:53:29
  • Casts no shadow — 02:19:43. "I've lost a lot of families and housing situations and places that I can be because I'm really dangerous to be around." — 02:22:33
  • Wonders how the owl crossed the ocean: "It can't lock its wings like an albatross and sleep on the wind." — 00:51:00
  • Tells Dream: "I'm not a character." — 02:15:27
  • Throws Digsby away with a bent space after "I am not an evil wizard!" — 02:25:10–02:27:03

MAM E2: Class Conflict

  • Apologises for losing it with Digby: "I'm really sorry for losing it yesterday when he said the wizard, the evil comment" — 00:03:20
  • Has a gas station phone with no screen: "I have six saved hotlink numbers" — 00:06:36; saves 911, Animal Control and Poison Control, the friends would be four, five, six — 00:06:36
  • Challenges the house system as "tracking" — 00:16:41. Fears the scorpion house: "If I get into the scorpion house, I'm gonna cry." — 00:20:31
  • Loves Chimeron: "Oh, thank God, thank God I'm not in the fucking scorpion house." — 00:25:17
  • Writes to the kitchen: "Dear Kitchen, are you trapped? Do you like being a kitchen?" — 00:42:08
  • Rumor about him: "that you sent him to hell" — 00:58:18. His reply: "Hell is a dark forest where your dad opens his ribcage and invites you to dance." — 00:58:34
  • Wants his legend to be dull: "He was a nice guy, nothing weird ever happened" — 01:00:38
  • Impaled and blood cobra: "Don't touch my blood!" — 01:16:29. He says "Normally I have to eat the snake to get it to go back in my body" — 01:22:04
  • Brains DC 8 on Dream's phone: "Nope, four." — 01:31:43
  • Tells the others "I feel like these kids all are pro-institution, which is a weird thing for teenagers to be, right?" — 00:54:21; a second-year then writes "Oppose institution every time." — 00:54:57
  • Knows emojis from "The Emoji Movie": "It's from "The Emoji Movie," right?" — 00:47:54
  • Jokes along with Viniscus's guess about the nukes: "Yeah, it's a potion." — 01:46:29; "If Vladimir Putin called the shot, your cauldron ass would be in the sky." — 01:47:38
  • Brains opposed to the girls' Charm: "I got a 1." — 02:06:15; "if you continue to like me, I will do it" — 02:06:55

MAM E3: Family On Six

  • Detects the fire construct with a spell without a wand (Brains DC 8, 9): "he successfully casts a spell and the stone sorts of dents in and cracks as you form this tether" — 00:06:22. Reaction to the Aqrabus students: "my name is Evan Kelmp! Please refer to me as such!" — 00:07:34
  • Rescues Penfrew by hand (Grit DC 16, 9, plus seven tokens): "I've never done a spell in my life that helped anybody so I'm just gonna reach in with my hands and pull this kid out." — 00:17:30. Burns every adversity token: "Every adversity token expended." — 00:18:24. His hand afterwards: "you see little fissures, but they don't feel painful" — 00:28:23
  • Snaps at Axelby: "Nobody fucking asked you. Why are you weighing in?" — 00:23:00; in the hall tells Penfrew: "I've fought adults in a petrol station parking lot." — 00:38:30
  • In the infirmary asks for an explanation and a cure: "I would have loved an invitation to a magical hospital more than like a magical school really 'cause I just need it gone." — 00:44:08. Is offered an outpatient exorcism and cries: "I would love a Coke." — 00:45:30
  • Decides to take the treatment: "I know I have the best friends. Nothing I'm ever gonna do is worth endangering any of that." — 00:52:15; "I'd like the treatment." — 00:53:10
  • On the scuppers field cannot fly (Flight 1), then is lifted by a double-exploding roll: "Family on six, this is the first time. (sobs) I'll remember family on six forever." — 01:11:40
  • A month later plays goalie "I will just put my face in front of the ball" — 01:17:37; hits Digby and Fergus off their brooms (Fight check of 20 with the common sense die, 24): "Chimeron forever baby, fuck you!" — 01:28:27
  • Hears voices: "Something terrible is coming, Evan, and not just for you." — 01:33:16; asks "Who else is it coming for?" — 01:33:36; yields: "I think it's full surrender." — 01:34:29
  • Says to Dream: "all of your favorite things about me are my least favorite things about myself." — 01:39:48; and "you're the person who fixed my leg without thinking about it" — 01:41:34
  • Taken over by the voices in the common room: "I could take their hands away and make them catch their own hands." — 01:53:07; lies that he needs "checkup, physical" — 01:53:26
  • Free again: "I've been trying to do that for 17 and 1/2 years. You're incredible, thank you so much." — 02:04:31; "I don't think they're here anymore. That's the first time they haven't been here in a long time." — 02:05:54
  • Kisses Dream back, arms held out behind him: "I think I do the full hand." — 02:06:35

MAM E4: We're the Heroes

  • Tells his friends about the procedure: "I'd be a Muggle." — 00:07:03; yells "I don't have anything to offer this group!" — 00:15:33
  • Calls his shadow with Street View: "I'm done running from you, motherfucker." — 00:24:49; "I am not a scared child. I am a wizard." — 00:27:17
  • Tells Philtrum: "Hey lady, I changed my mind. I'm okay being magic. I can help my friends." — 00:32:41
  • Duel with the Rosemont student: "The next two minutes are gonna be really important for you." — 01:52:07; after the vision: "For prestige? People care about you!" — 01:57:44
  • Disowns the adult fans in Kelmp jerseys: "I disavow you!" — 01:50:56; "Get therapy." — 01:51:03; to the Aqrabus students: "I think your whole house is bad. I think you should think about it for just 15 minutes." — 01:51:18
  • Throws his phone at the dragon — 02:12:49; wand strike: "McRib." — 02:39:36; "I was a pretty princess for a second." — 02:43:59
  • Epilogue: uploads PDFs of the libraries "to a database for when we reveal magic to the world", tells England's political allies who Philtrum is — 02:49:39; "I have not come here to be the worst version of myself, nor have I come here to be pushed around." — 02:49:39