NPCs · first: MEN E1
Justin Fication
Justin Fication is Conrad Schintz's talking basset hound, listed as "Kid's Best Friend" MEN E1·01:09:35. He sleeps wrapped around a lamp post while Conrad sells newspapers MEN E1·01:09:35. He tells Conrad "You could have gotten that extra money from him." after a customer shorts him MEN E1·01:11:37.
Justin Fication is Conrad's talking basset hound, "Kid's Best Friend" MEN E1·01:09:35, and in MEN_02 he calls Conrad "the big guy's conscience" MEN E2·00:12:31 MEN E1·01:09:35. In MEN_02 he threatens The Fix that he will "bite you over and over again until either I'm dead or you're dead" MEN E2·00:10:00, and says Conrad adopted him outside Madam Loathing's Home for Wayward Interests MEN E2·00:10:00 MEN E2·00:11:02. In MEN_03 he tells Conrad "it's my job to find reasons for why we do stuff!" MEN E3·00:09:42 and goes to The Fix after Conrad's sidebar MEN E3·00:09:42 MEN E3·00:11:24. He puts all of Dan's money on Hunch, entered as Stacy Fakename, and comes back with a huge thing of cash MEN E3·01:29:38 MEN E3·01:40:13.
In MEN_04 he distracts a shock trooper with a shaggy dog story and money in his saddle bags, asks "Where's Conrad?" MEN E4·01:00:46, and cries "He killed the chief of police!" MEN E4·02:04:19 after Dan's handcuff trick MEN E4·00:15:16 MEN E4·01:00:46 MEN E4·02:04:19. He asks Dan "Why are you always so mean to Conrad?" MEN E4·01:50:01 and begs "Please let me help write a manifesto." MEN E4·01:52:23 MEN E4·01:50:01. In MEN_05 Madam Loathing's white key changes him into Dark Justin, a snarling German Shepherd with blinding white eyes and a white slit over his heart MEN E5·01:44:08 MEN E5·01:51:28 MEN E5·01:54:15. Conrad plunges a piece of metal into the slit, Justin returns to a basset hound, and he says "I'm so sorry!" MEN E5·01:54:43 MEN E5·01:54:49 MEN E5·01:56:50.
In MEN_06 he nuzzles the door open, telling Dan the big guy is making a break for it, and plays dead with Conrad MEN E6·00:23:44 MEN E6·00:35:57. He leaps at Madam Loathing and is swatted away MEN E6·01:03:36 MEN E6·01:03:47. In the epilogue Conrad tells him "You're my best friend." MEN E6·01:46:06.
By episode
MEN E1: The Big Guy
MEN E2: The Scattered Mind
- Justin Fication (card No. 1091, "Kid's Best Friend", basset hound) — Conrad's talking dog; threatens to "bite you over and over again until either I'm dead or you're dead" — 00:10:00. Says he was adopted by Conrad "outside of Madam Loathing's Home for Wayward Interests" — 00:11:02. "I'm the only part of this guy that's not kind of human." — 00:16:13. Calls Conrad "the big guy's conscience" — 00:12:31
- Justin Fication, talking basset hound — "I can talk, and sometimes that scrambles people up." — 00:17:32
MEN E3: F For Freezer
- Justin Fication — Conrad's talking dog; on the fall: "Are we about to whip our dick out?" — 00:09:21; "it's my job to find reasons for why we do stuff!" — 00:09:42; "If you ask me to keep it a secret, I will, but I won't feel good about it." — 00:11:32; says there are other people to turn himself in to (Brennan names Mayor Logic) — 00:41:22, 00:41:31; puts all of Dan's money on Hunch and returns with "a huge thing of cash" — 01:29:38, 01:40:13
- Justin Fication, talking basset hound — "his big basset hound" head out of the car window — 01:02:00
MEN E4: Grappling With Death
- Justin Fication (card No. 1091, "Kid's Best Friend", "Basset hound", "Always gives paws to the situation", "DA BEST BOY!") — "I'll take care of it." — 00:15:04; distracts a trooper with a "shaggy dog story" and the money in his saddle bags — 00:15:16, 00:15:27; "Where's Conrad?" — 01:00:46; "I'm gonna kill him!" about Conrad's capture — 01:00:59; "Why are you always so mean to Conrad?" — 01:50:01; "Please let me help write a manifesto." — 01:52:23; "Well, how could there be a Chief Tightass if we just shit ourselves?" — 01:53:51; "He killed the chief of police!" — 02:04:19
- Justin Fication, talking basset hound — "A saddled basset hound, bills flying out of the bags." — 00:14:50; "Just frothing out the mouth." — 01:01:05
MEN E5: Emergency Powers
- Justin Fication (card No. 1091, basset hound) — "Turn the lights on!" — 00:08:58; "And me, too! We're not getting split up again." — 00:49:07; changed by the white key into Dark Justin, a German Shepherd — 01:44:08; restored: "I'm so sorry!" — 01:56:50
- Justin Fication, talking basset hound — "The floppy jowls and long ears of a basset hound return." — 01:54:49
- Dark Justin, snarling German Shepherd — "a snarling German Shepherd" with "blinding white eyes", froth at the mouth and a white slit over his heart — 01:44:08, 01:51:28, 01:54:15
MEN E6: Case Closed
- Justin Fication (card No. 1091, basset hound; "Kid's Best Friend", "DA BEST BOY!") — nuzzles the door open: "Dan, we gotta get inside! The big guy's making a break for it!" — 00:23:44; plays dead with Conrad — 00:35:57; "Dan's, you know, never really done anything nice for us even one time." — 00:38:27; leaps at Loathing and is swatted away — 01:03:36, 01:03:47; "You're my best friend." — 01:46:08
- Justin Fication, basset hound — the dog, restored; woofs, barks, plays dead, "nuzzles the door open" — 00:23:40, 00:35:56