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Player characters · first: MEN E1

Conrad Schintz

Conrad Schintz is a small boy, "kind of too small" MEN E1·01:07:32, with a look in his eyes, as Alex describes him, that he has seen too much, in a newsie cap and a dirty brown jacket and pants MEN E1·01:07:32 MEN E1·01:07:43. He sells newspapers beside his talking basset hound, Justin Fication MEN E1·01:09:35. He switches what he thinks is the most important story onto the front page, hoping it makes a difference MEN E1·01:15:47. Each night he leaves a handwritten note on Sugah's door that reads "Please reconsider." MEN E1·01:20:06

Conrad Schintz is the "Noble Newsie" MEN E1·01:07:58 of the Prefrontal PIs, played by Alex, and Justin calls him "the big guy's conscience" MEN E2·00:12:31 MEN E1·01:07:58. In MEN_01 he tells Imelda he always lets Dan get one punch in and then makes a dash for it, and he is grabbed after tearing away from the argument MEN E1·01:40:57 MEN E1·01:49:55 MEN E1·01:50:50. In MEN_02 he asks "Is all this happening because of me?" MEN E2·00:11:48, explains that the big guy works for a pharmaceutical company, and offers his ice skates as proof of his death MEN E2·00:11:48 MEN E2·00:16:18 MEN E2·00:45:08. In MEN_03 he resolves in a sidebar to turn himself in, and is told by Hunch and Anastasia that atonement lies in doing good later, accepting the plan with "Okay. I'll- I'll do the balls thing." MEN E3·00:43:19 MEN E3·00:10:05 MEN E3·00:40:43 MEN E3·00:40:57. At the boxing ring he meets Ivana, who was Fight, and punches her when she tells him to stand up for himself MEN E3·01:26:47 MEN E3·01:28:01.

In MEN_04 he drives the hot rod to Oblongata Station and speaks to the city over the loudspeaker: "This is Conrad Schintz. We need to talk." MEN E4·00:34:19 MEN E4·00:13:56. He is arrested as the wanted Stacy Fakename, poses as her in the paddy wagon in an old British woman voice, and later drives away in the stolen wagon MEN E4·00:39:14 MEN E4·01:01:54 MEN E4·01:09:31. At the mayor's office he asks for an apple box for his chair, pulls the mayor's bow tie to find an F, and punches him MEN E4·01:31:20 MEN E4·01:38:34 MEN E4·01:43:10. In MEN_05 he tells Dan that Ronnie Reptile was just his friend in a place he used to live MEN E5·00:24:47. When Madam Loathing's white key turns Justin into Dark Justin, he pleads "You're my best friend." MEN E5·01:52:29 and plunges a piece of metal into the white slit in Justin's chest, which becomes his silvery key MEN E5·01:52:29 MEN E5·01:54:43 MEN E5·01:54:49.

In MEN_06 Conrad hears Dan's plan to have him and Justin play dead, and says "that's the most confidence anyone's ever put in me." MEN E6·00:36:54 MEN E6·00:35:57. He puts his key into the fight response when Mr. Henry grabs Elias, and Elias punches Henry MEN E6·00:55:33 MEN E6·00:56:06. He turns his key toward a "mysterious direction" MEN E6·01:14:03 and tells Madam Loathing, "You… are seen, and I accept you." MEN E6·01:16:03 MEN E6·01:14:36. After Elias bumps into the coffee shop person, Conrad tells him to ask for her number MEN E6·01:34:32. In the epilogue Dan shows him the alley behind Sugah's, and Conrad says "H-hey, I'm a little bit taller now." MEN E6·01:43:25 and tells Justin "You're my best friend." MEN E6·01:46:06 MEN E6·01:43:00 MEN E6·01:43:25.

Character sheet — Mentopolis

Mentopolis sheet of Conrad Schintz (played by Alex Song-Xia). Only what is said in play or shown on the on-screen stat cards; dotted values are derived from spoken rolls. Values shown are the latest up to your chosen episode.

Archetype
Noble Newsie MEN E1·01:08:02 MEN E1·01:07:58—
Sneak
d20 MEN E3·01:08:51 MEN E3·01:08:54 MEN E3·01:08:59d20 MEN E1·01:29:19—
Snoop
d10 MEN E3·01:16:24d10 MEN E1·01:29:19—
Savvy
d12 MEN E1·01:29:19—
Slick
d4 MEN E3·01:13:21 MEN E3·01:13:26d4 MEN E2·00:06:04—

Features

  • Self-description — Alex: a small boy, kind of too small, with a look in his eyes that he has seen too much, in a newsie cap, a dirty brown jacket and dirty brown pants. Brennan's narration: he plies his trade with a bag of newspapers by his side and a big old basset hound, Justin Fication. MEN E1·01:07:32 MEN E1·01:07:43 MEN E1·01:09:35
  • Card background lines — Three lines under the title on his file card: So teeny. Very tiny.; Has a look in his eyes that he's seen too much; Newsie cap with dirty brown pants and dirty brown shoes on. MEN E1·01:08:02
  • File stamp HARMLESS — His file No. 794 is stamped HARMLESS in the transcript caption of the full card with the three features. MEN E1·01:28:57
  • Escape Artist — Card feature: +3 to checks when finding escape routes or hiding spots. MEN E1·01:28:57 MEN E1·01:29:19
  • Hot Shot Driver — Card feature: +3 to all drive checks. MEN E1·01:28:57 MEN E1·01:29:19
  • Stealthy — Card feature: spend 1 Moxie to not be seen. Alex reads it aloud: "spend one Moxie to not be seen within reason." with GM's discretion. MEN E1·01:51:37 MEN E1·01:28:57 MEN E1·01:29:19
  • Plus two on Sneak (not named) — Alex adds a fixed 2 to Sneak: "That's 19 plus two, 21." The source is not named. MEN E1·01:28:51
  • Escape Artist used: slipping away — Snap Decision Sneak: Alex: "6 plus 2 and then Escape Artist plus 3", 11, against The Fix's 2 and Hunch's Sturdy 6; Conrad escapes the argument. MEN E1·01:49:15 MEN E1·01:49:46
  • Grabbed by the thug; Sturdy 5 — Trying to hot-wire the car he fails a Snoop (a 6) and a thug grabs his shoulder: Mr. Avaricci wants to meet him. The thug's grapple makes 3 plus 2, a 5, to beat; Conrad's Sturdy is a 3 and he burns two Moxie, so he pulls back as both thugs go for guns. His second Sturdy is a 5; as the gun goes off wide, cocked away from him by the falling highway, an overpass collapses onto the car and kills the two goons; he is inches from the collapse, and the roll is to be resolved at the top of the next episode. MEN E1·01:50:26 MEN E1·01:50:50 MEN E1·01:50:57 MEN E1·01:51:20 MEN E1·01:52:56 MEN E1·01:52:58
  • Moxie gained: a token for a failed Snoop — Snoop "That's a 3" for the trinkets: the Moxie ball slides down the track and Alex: it feels right; he finds nothing. MEN E1·01:18:25 MEN E1·01:18:38
  • Moxie gained on the failed car Snoop; two burned on Sturdy — Brennan: the Snoop 6 is a failure and a Moxie token slides down the track; on the Sturdy 3 Alex: "Okay, so I'll burn these two." MEN E1·01:51:19 MEN E1·01:50:26 MEN E1·01:50:29 MEN E1·01:51:15
  • Plus two on Sneak, again — Sneak rolls with a fixed 2 added: a two plus two for 4, later 14 plus two for 16, then two plus two for 4 and "plus my two"; the source is not named. MEN E2·00:09:08 MEN E2·01:54:49 MEN E3·00:11:57 MEN E3·01:08:59
  • Saved by the falling highway (recap) — Brennan's recap: a section of a synaptic highway crumbled and fell, crushing the car underneath just in time to save the life of Conrad Schintz. Then to Conrad: someone just tried to kill you, and something is not adding up; he is, in his own estimation, a street urchin vagabond newsie kid. MEN E2·00:01:30 MEN E2·00:05:57
  • Escape Artist used: ducking into the shadow — Sneak "a two plus two, 4"; Alex asks whether he adds Escape Artist every time; Brennan: yes, that can be a 7; he does not get away but ducks into the shadow of the car under the rubble. MEN E2·00:09:03 MEN E2·00:09:08 MEN E2·00:09:14
  • Moxie spent: one on a Snoop 3 — Snoop against difficulty 4: "3, but I'll burn a Moxie." MEN E2·00:31:31 MEN E2·00:31:37
  • Moxie offered: two; The Fix's one Moxie (Loyal) gives him +2 — Sturdy: "three, but I'll use two Moxie."; The Fix: one for two, a plus two from Loyal; whether Alex also burns his two is not said. MEN E2·01:54:14 MEN E2·01:54:19 MEN E2·01:54:23
  • Moxie gained: hugging Justin — Instead of fighting he hugs Justin; Brennan: "Just take a Moxie." MEN E2·01:55:24 MEN E2·01:55:26
  • Sturdy and Sharp dice not placed — One engine (AppleVision; Qwen stops at the name): it reads 220, d12, d10, d8 and d4 on his card; the d6 is unread. Of d8 and d6, one belongs to Sturdy and the other to Sharp; neither is read beside its label. MEN E2·00:06:04
  • Escape Artist used: caught anyway — Sneak "a one plus two"; "With the Escape Artist, it's still just a 5. 6, sorry."; Brennan: grab the kid; Hunch catches him. MEN E3·00:17:00 MEN E3·00:17:02 MEN E3·00:17:10 MEN E3·00:17:19
  • Driving bonus on the Sneak (feature not named) — Exploding natural-20 Sneak: "Three, and then plus my two, so 25." and then, because he is also driving, "Then we gotta make it 28." MEN E3·01:08:59 MEN E3·01:09:02 MEN E3·01:09:04
  • Moxie gained: more on a failed Savvy 5 — Alex's Savvy is a 5 among the failures; Brennan: "More Moxie here." and The Fix gets it and Conrad gets it as well. MEN E3·00:44:30 MEN E3·00:44:35
  • Moxie given: two to Anastasia — Alex: "Yeah, I'll give you two also from my four." on Danielle's Savvy. MEN E3·00:33:45
  • Moxie: one to lend to Dan — When Freddie asks for a lend, Alex: "I have one also." MEN E3·01:03:17
  • Hot Shot Driver used — A drive check to the mayor: "17 plus 2 plus 3, so that's 22." MEN E4·01:29:09
  • Moxie gained: a token for the exploded Slick 2 — Slick "Two." on a borrowed d4 after the explosion that went off the table; Brennan: he did not fail by five or more, and a Moxie ball slides down the track. MEN E4·00:35:15 MEN E4·00:35:20
  • Sturdy and Sharp dice still not placed — A later frame reads d20, d12, d10, d6, d4, so both d8 and d6 appear on the card across frames, never beside the Sturdy or Sharp label; no roll in play names the die of either stat. MEN E4·00:34:02
  • Hot Shot Driver used: the squad car — Sneak for the squad car, difficulty 8: "We got a 7 plus 2 plus 3 for driving. That's a 12."; the squad car goes through. MEN E5·00:08:39 MEN E5·00:08:44
  • Taller by an inch or two — Alex: Conrad feels he might be an inch or two taller; Brennan: he has to kick the bricks off the gas pedal because his legs grow a little longer; Conrad: "Gotta adjust this." MEN E5·02:02:42 MEN E5·02:02:59 MEN E5·02:03:06
  • Savvy plus two with his key — Savvy at the board with his key: "Four plus two, that's a six"; the source of the two is not named. MEN E6·00:39:20
  • Turns his key: a d100 stat — Brennan: turning his key gives a stat of pure Moxie which conscience alone unlocks; as in Kids on Bikes every stat is assigned a different die and the only die left to assign is the d100. MEN E6·01:14:36
  • d100 used against Madam Loathing — She rolls a Sturdy 11 to resist; Brennan asks Alex for a d100: 57, "my favorite number"; Madam Loathing diminishes in size and turns away from self-loathing. MEN E6·01:16:34 MEN E6·01:16:52 MEN E6·01:17:19
  • Moxie given: one to Anastasia on the dodge — Danielle counts her dodge up to 14 with a Moxie at plus four; Alex: "I give you one." MEN E6·00:41:32 MEN E6·00:41:38
  • Taller, said again — Conrad: "Oh, uh, no. I think I might be a little taller." and in the epilogue he says he is a little bit taller now. MEN E6·00:29:48 MEN E6·01:43:25

Items

  • Ice skates — His ice skates, which he offers as proof of his death and keeps for a reason he tells The Fix. MEN E2·00:45:08 MEN E2·01:32:41
  • Silver key from the skate — Plunging the metal he holds into the white slit, the skate breaks and one of the metal things has become his key, with a small silvery lanyard; Brennan: you can tell this is your key. MEN E5·01:54:43 MEN E5·01:57:27
  • Compass meant for him — Madam Loathing, handing The Fix a compass: "You should give this to Conrad."; Brennan says she hands it to The Fix. MEN E6·01:51:33 MEN E6·01:51:37
  • Compass swallowed by The Fix — Brennan: she gives The Fix her moral compass and he swallows it, saying it happens sometimes when people give him things; the compass never reaches Conrad. MEN E6·01:52:33 MEN E6·01:52:50

By episode

MEN E1: The Big Guy

  • "a small boy, kind of too small" with "a look in his eyes that he's seen too much", in a newsie cap and dirty brown jacket and pants — 01:07:32, 01:07:43
  • Sells newspapers beside his basset hound Justin; shorted by a customer, he covers the cost himself: "I gave him all the facts and he made a choice so that's okay." — 01:11:50
  • His routine: switching what he thinks is the most important story onto the front page, hoping it makes a difference — 01:15:47; leaves a handwritten note on Sugah's door each night, "Please reconsider." — 01:20:06
  • Added to the note: "Not all pleasure is bad, but to be purely motivated by it is not great." — 01:29:34
  • Tells Imelda he always lets Dan "get one punch in and then I make a dash for it" — 01:40:57
  • Says people throw out the front page, "Nobody follows up." — 01:42:42, 01:43:04
  • Learns that his paper reached a key-holder: "Oh, you're someone important." — 01:47:52
  • Escapes during the argument, tries the dollar-sign car and is grabbed — 01:49:55, 01:50:50

MEN E2: The Scattered Mind

  • Screams when The Fix approaches, then tries to sneak away; Sneak 7 puts him in the shadow of the car — 00:06:37, 00:09:14
  • Admits: "I don't usually ask for help, but… Do any of you know what's happening?" — 00:06:24
  • Believes the trouble is his fault: "And now, is this all my fault? Is all this happening because of me?" — 00:11:48
  • Explains the big guy "works for a pharmaceutical company" and the technology is "Something about mind reading." — 00:16:18
  • Orders "a cup of coffee grounds" at the diner — 00:36:03
  • Likes the shame Dan gives him: "You guys should know, I kind of like it, too." — 00:41:56
  • Offers his ice skates as proof of his death and asks to "tidy up the place first" — 00:45:08, 00:46:33
  • Tells The Fix why he keeps the skates and says "that's why I don't deserve to be listened to" — 01:32:41
  • Hugs Justin in the fight instead of fighting — 01:55:11, 01:55:24

MEN E3: F For Freezer

  • Resolves in a sidebar: "This is all my fault. The big guy is dying because of me, so I'm going to turn myself in." — 00:10:05
  • Sees Justin go to The Fix and tries to stop him: "I told you this off to the side on purpose." — 00:11:24
  • At Imelda's urging says the name quietly ("Mr. Fucks." — 00:15:27) and "I think I got it that time." — 00:15:31; later, having said "Fucks" again: "I did it! I did it! I did it!" — 00:40:33
  • Tries to sneak away during the urethra fact, rolls one plus two (6 with Escape Artist), and is grabbed — 00:17:02, 00:17:19
  • Accepts the plan: "Okay. I'll- I'll do the balls thing." — 00:43:19
  • Joins Hunch and Dan: "Ms. Tension and Ms. Pulse might have some family stuff, so I'll go with the boys." — 00:50:25
  • Rolls a natural 20 on a group Sneak and then sees cars tailing them in the rear view mirror — 01:08:51, 01:09:19
  • Faces Ivana: "What'd you call me?" — 01:25:30; punches her at her command "Stand up for yourself!" — 01:28:01
  • Tells Ivana what happened on the ice rink — 01:39:17
  • Shows the others the key in Ivana's hand: "Look what she has!" — 01:41:47

MEN E4: Grappling With Death

  • Arrives driving: "All right! Woo!" — 00:13:56; "She and I go way back. We can trust her, I think?" — 00:15:58
  • Speaks to the city: "This is a message for Mayor Logic. Mayor Logic, I need your attention. <…> This is Conrad Schintz. We need to talk." — 00:34:19; "I just, I peed a little." — 00:34:38
  • Is arrested as the Wanted Stacy Fakename; Alex: "Conrad tries to smile like the picture." — 00:39:14
  • Impersonates the poster: "Conrad, despite already being a little pipsqueak, is in full Mrs. Doubtfire mode trying to pass as Stacy Fakename." — 01:01:42
  • Tells Ivana "I never lied about who I am before." — 01:02:08
  • Drives away in the stolen paddy wagon; Siobhan: "I give Conrad my high heels so that he can reach the pedals." — 01:09:31
  • Speaks to the mayor: "Mr. Mayor, I know we're confessing to maybe a lot of crimes here" — 01:33:18; asks for "an apple box for my chair" — 01:31:20
  • Pulls the mayor's bow tie and finds an F: "Oh wait, show us your chest!" — 01:38:34; "This worked once before" and punches him — 01:43:10
  • Drive check 22 ("17 plus 2 plus 3") — 01:29:09
  • In the paddy wagon as Stacy Fakename, in an "old British woman accent, high pitched": "Oh, hello!" — 01:01:54
  • Reunites with Justin: "Justin, you're my best friend!" — 02:06:57

MEN E5: Emergency Powers

  • Drives the squad car with lights and sirens on — 00:08:28, 00:08:54
  • Asks Thalamus: "Did you get a look at his eyes or anything?" and "what the heck is a palooka?" — 00:33:21, 00:35:19
  • Tells Dan who "Ronnie Reptile" is: "He was just my friend in a place I used to live." — 00:24:47
  • Sides with The Fix: "I know some. <…> I'll come with you." — 00:48:45
  • At the Home: "We haven't been back here in a while, huh, boy?" — 01:31:14
  • "Conrad hasn't unclenched his fists since-" (Alex) — 01:33:55
  • Pleads to Justin: "You're my best friend. You're my best friend!" and reaches (Sneak 15) for something to remind Justin who he is — 01:52:29, 01:53:09, 01:54:07
  • Plunges the metal into the white slit; it becomes a silvery key — 01:54:43, 01:54:49
  • Feels the inch or two of growth: "Gotta adjust this." — 02:03:06

MEN E6: Case Closed

  • Rolls up in the car: "Whoo!" <…> "It's been a day." — 00:17:13
  • Snoop 9 sees the Avaricci car outside; asks Dan "did you steal that car?" — 00:24:30, 00:24:54
  • Tells Dan why: "It was gonna eat away at him otherwise. Eat away at me, eat away at all of us, you know?" — 00:30:12
  • Is flattered by the plan: "that's the most confidence anyone's ever put in me." — 00:36:54
  • Savvy 6 and Snoop 7 with his key: sees a flash of shadow — 00:39:20, 00:39:31
  • Puts his key in the fight response when Henry grabs Elias; Elias punches Henry: "Your key undid what happened to Justin and it undoes what happened to Ivana." — 00:55:33, 00:56:06
  • Turns the key in "a mysterious direction", a d100 spirit stat; to Madam Loathing: "You… are seen, and I accept you." — 01:14:36, 01:16:03
  • "I think he needs every part of himself, and you're a part of him. So am I. I'm glad to know you." — 01:18:56
  • After her speech: "I'll leave that up to you. Also, very scary, very motivating." — 01:22:11
  • Snoop 5 shows him the coffee shop person; "Ms. Tension, could I borrow the mic real quick?" and "just ask for her number." — 01:33:47, 01:34:24, 01:34:32
  • Epilogue (Freddie's scene with Alex): "H-hey, I'm a little bit taller now."; plans a green jacket; "You're my best friend." to Justin — 01:43:25, 01:44:34, 01:46:06